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  • A new Beginning

    Picture taken by Tony C. / Kristin Nicole

    Monday I wrote about Tomorrow never being promised, and I still stick by that, which is why you have to make new beginnings with the people you love.

    Each day that passes by is another day wasted or another where you know you have achieved what you really wanted to do. Each day we grow older and each day we see things differently. If you know me, you know of the things I’ve had to endure throughout my life, and the things I’ve gone through. Each and every moment is a memory whether good or bad and each memory is the one thing that has made me into who I am today. Some people may say I’m cold, I’m selfish, I’m stuck up, those who know me say that I’m a person’s best-friend, I’m loyal, and loving and I’m always there for you.

    I have struggled to finish school and I have finally received and finished my AA degree. I am continuing forward to a new beginning, going towards my bachelors degree, in which I start classes again on Monday. I have finally found a new place with my boyfriend and we are moving in this Friday, I have a wonderful job, and great family and friends, what more can a girl ask for?!? A new beginning doesn’t have to start with a drastic change, a new beginning can start with the small things in life that make you happy, (like finding a new apartment), or getting a new dog. A new beginning is what you make of it. I’m moving forward, I’m starting my life and I am positive that with everything I hold inside me, I will succeed. That my boyfriend will succeed in the things he is working on. That my parents will always pull through and they will always have the love of their children and grandchildren. That my sister will grow these next few years into the wonderful women she already is becoming. That my brother and my sister in law will find what they are looking for and pull through the hard times and that I will find true happiness in what makes life’s simple moments, Great moments! A new beginning, whether big or small is what you make of it. Today and every day is a new beginning.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    A New Day

    Tomorrow’s never promised
    Tomorrow I may die
    but today like every other day I live my life.

    With every heartache good or bad
    We grow stronger every time.
    With every tear that falls
    I know what is truly mine.

    A new beginning never ends
    each day we start a new
    with every smile and every laughter
    we live each day through and through.

    A new beginning just for me
    with every hardship I’ve endured
    and with every journey
    I always seem to learn.

    A new beginning big or small
    I start today with this:
    I love my life today, tomorrow and every day after this
    because tomorrow’s never promised
    I live my life each day, never having regrets, never giving up on hope, never letting life take control.

    Live each day in the moment, not in the past
    A new beginning will arrive at last.

    ~kristin nicole – 08.11.10 @7:39AM~

  • I don’t feel protected by my spouse?

    The Question:

    I don’t feel protected by my spouse? Recently, my husband and I went out for my birthday to a local bar and grill. My husband’s ex wife happened to work there. As we were leaving my cousin popped something off to the woman, who immediately called a friend to come to the bar. After telling everyone goodbye in the parking lot I went in to apologize. On my way out a woman I didn’t know (the ex’s friend) shoved me into the glass door (she came from outside) and continued to harass me. She pulled my hair, and naturally out of instinct I punched her. My husband broke us up, and right after left?? I had no idea who this woman was, or how she knew what I looked like? My husband blamed the incident on me, saying I should of left once I found out his ex worked there, even though I was nice to her? His ex later wrote a facebook message in which my husband didn’t respond to the things she said to me. I am concerned, my husband and I had been fighting prior to my birthday dinner, but regardless I feel he should of stayed and protected me, or at least made sure I was okay? I can’t get over it, and when I try to talk about it he lashes out at me. Please give me some feedback, I need some other opinions. Also, when I asked why he left, he said he was afraid people he worked with would see?? I’m lost. I just don’t feel like he would protect me, and I am beginning to wonder why the situation doesn’t bother him? Am I overreacting??

    I DID NOT SAY ANYTHING TO HIS WIFE. I APOLOGIZED FOR MY COUSIN’S ACTIONS!

    *Also, where we live there is only one place to drink, and it is a dry county. No one my husband knew or worked with was there that night besides his ex. Turns out he went there the Saturday prior and was told his ex worked there, even though he denies it.

    My Response:

    Dear Unprotected;

    The fact that he did not stand up for you and the fact that he is getting upset over something with his ex worries me. Why is he so defensive on his ex’s feelings and not yours? Why is he getting so defensive if he is not hiding anything. The fact that you went inside to be the bigger person and apologize for your cousins actions shows that you were doing the right thing. It was your birthday, if your husband felt uncomfortable from the beginning knowing his ex wife was there, then he should have said something and you could have gone somewhere else, if there was no other place to go (as indicated you are in a dry county) then he should have enjoyed it with you and not worried so much about what others would say or think. Aren’t you his wife now? I don’t understand the big problem. As for getting in a fight with the ex-wife’s friend, the friend started it, were you supposed to allow her to pull your hair and hit you? You did right by defending yourself. I don’t expect your husband to fight another women, and he did pull you apart but he should have not been so upset with you afterwords, especially when you were trying to explain to him what happened in the first place.

    You need to get to the bottom of this, it sounds like your husband may be upset about something else or he’s hiding something that he lashes out every time you try to bring this up. You need to sit down with him, when he’s in a good mood, tell him that you want to talk and you don’t want him to get upset because he needs to listen to what you have to say and take in what you have to say before responding back to you with any negative feedback. Explain to him that you were only trying to do the right thing by going in an apologizing for your cousin, the fact that you were being the bigger person should show that it didn’t even bother you that she was there. If something is bothering him, he needs to let you know, because you cannot live not talking to each other over a petty fight.
    Hope it works out for you.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Tomorrow is never Promised

    Tomorrow is never Promised…..

    Thursday I woke up and I went to a funeral, a man I barely knew surrounded by the people he loved and who loved him. His daughter gave a beautiful speech about who he was, who he became, how he accomplished all the things he wanted in life, from marrying the person he loved and having 3 beautiful daughters to having the career he wanted to living a life where he mended all the regrets he may have had before he passed.

    I sit and wonder sometimes how life is passing us by so quickly. The older we get the faster it seems to go. Some people in life wait to do things in life not realizing that tomorrow is not promised. We wait to have the perfect career and enough money to support a family before having a family. We make mistakes and we don’t mend them with the people we said we loved. We hold anger and regret and we hold it inside until there is nothing left. We can not wait for a part of our lives to be perfect before making the next step into your life come alive, because if you keep waiting you may never get that chance to move forward with the people you love. If tomorrow never came did you tell the people you love that you love them? Did you mend any wrongs you made in life? Did you tell your friends how much you care? Are you where you want to be?

    Life is too shorts to worry about the what if’s and I wish but life is something we treasure anyway. We live a life to get where we want to be, but stop for a second and take a few minutes to evaluate your life, think about the things you want in your future and ask yourself, can I HAVE THIS NOW? Why not now? If it’s there and I can grab it, then why not go for it? Tomorrow is never promised, if you keep waiting it may no longer be there for you to grab. Love, Live, Laugh (right) because if tomorrow came and you never told the person you loved that you love them, how would you feel then?

    If you are reading this and you are my family, I love you. If you are reading this and you are my friends, I love you. If you are the person I want to spend my life with and you are reading this, I love you. If you are reading this and you know me but we haven’t spoken in a long time, I’m sorry. If you love me tell me, if you love me hug me, if you love me kiss me, if you love me….

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    ~Random Thoughts~

  • What would you do if you were in love with your friend’s girlfriend?

    The-Question:

    My friend and his girlfriend have been together for 11 months and are happy and in love but I think I’m in love with her. I’d never do anything about it and even when they broke up I wouldn’t as she’d be his ex but I can’t stop thinking about her. What would you do?

    My response:

    Dear ‘friend’;

    I don’t think you are in love, I think you are infatuated with the idea of love. You see your friend happy with another girl, a girl that is easy to get along with because you like her as a friend, pretty, interesting and it’s easy to get all these mixed feelings. If you are a true friend and they are happy then leave it alone, try finding yourself another girl to date (there are plenty other girls out there other then your friends girlfriend), never go for the friends girlfriend, unless you want to risk loosing your friendship. If they break up and time has passed you can always ask your friend if he’d mind you dating her but even if he said yes things may be awkward and the girl might not feel the same way about you. You will still be risking your friendship. Some guys don’t mind if a friend dates an ex girlfriend, or at least that’s what they say to your face, but put yourself in his shoes, would you want him dating one of your ex-girlfriends? I’m not sure why you are even thinking about “if” they broke up if you say they have been together for 11 months and in love. I say just keep moving, don’t stop, and find another girl, NEVER go for your friends girl unless you don’t care about your friendship.

    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    Found on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My wife and mom don’t get along…

    The Question:

    What can i do for dispute between my mom and my wife?

    My Response:

    Dear Son & Husband;

    If your mom and wife are constantly disputing you need to sit down separately with them and see what is causing the dispute. Your wife is your family now and I’ve come to know that when a wife and mother in law don’t get a long it’s usually because the mother in law is meddling in their business or being mean to them, not wanting to let go of their son. You need to sit down with your mom and explain to her how bickering and fighting with your wife is doing no good, and that she needs to stop and get along with her. I don’t know the full story so I don’t know why they truly don’t get along. Talk to your wife and try to find out what is bothering her and why she keeps fighting with your mom. If your wife is the one who is starting the fights tell her that she needs to either ignore your mom and just be civil when you are together (for your sake) because that is your mom and she will always be your mom. Your mother on the other hand needs to let you live your life and realize that this is your family now, and she needs to stop bickering with your wife. The only thing you can do is sit down with them and tell them how you feel and try to get to the bottom of their bickering. Family should be able to get along. I am so grateful to get along with my mother in law, and its the most wonderful thing.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husband hits me very bad!?!

    The Question:

    We are married for 8 months now and I am all alone with him and my people are in a different city. For a very petty issue… my husband got really mad at me and hit me hard (I had to hit him back to defend myself) and now I have bruises in my face and hands.. and he hit me really hard on my head many times… I was advised a CT Scan.. and luckily, it turned out to be just swelling externally in my head. He only took me to the hospital, but he regrets what he did, but still I am very very upset and every time I go to the bedroom I get reminded of how badly he hit me several times that day; pulling my hair so hard and much more… I believe he loves me and I am financially completely independent all I expected out of this marriage was pure love. I don’t know what I should do now; my inner mind tells me this might happen again. I haven’t informed any of my people about this, as I know they will get very worried. Any thoughts on what I should do now?

    Additional Details

    Thank you so much for pouring in all your thoughts.. 1) I am in India. 2) Issue was nothing but, I was upset about not being able to find a movie of my choice from a place near by, so I didn’t talk to him for sometime because I was upset with my own fate and he didn’t care he later inquired what was bothering me as I was lying alone sadly for sometime. He started off very harsh asking what happened to me, I just replied that issue would worsen if you ask in this tone. He didn’t like my reply and threw some juice in my face, I said I would not take the way that I was being treated and he said he would still do the same in-spite of me explaining to him calmly multiple times how I was feeling. Even in the past for other petty issues like this, he has thrown and broken household things. Once he was even about to break my office laptop and I just assumed that he would go to the extent of hitting me! And I consciously threw juice back in his face as I got tired being submissive and I made up my mind to face the worst and did it. Please help….
    (Modified a few changes in the spelling and tried to make it make sense – Kristin Nicole)


    My Response:

    Dear Abused;

    I don’t know how things work in India, but here in the United States what you two are doing is called abuse. No man has the right to hit any women I don’t care where you are from, and I don’t care what you do back to him. The two of you need to sit down together and figure things out. Do you want to make things work with someone who gets upset because you are upset and then just starts throwing things and hitting you? You are also not innocent in all this either, if he is asking you why you are upset there is no reason to get more upset at him, and just because he throws something around the house does not give you the right to throw something in his face (juice). The two of you are abusing each other and it isn’t right. You can not grow with this relationship if it is only going to be about yelling at each other, throwing things or hitting each other. (Like I said before this gives him no right to hit you), but the both of you need help, and your marriage will not get far if the both of you are abusing each other and yelling and fighting all the time. You need to evaluate your relationship and ask yourself “is this the man I want to spend the rest of my life with”? If you know the answer deep down is no, then you need to move on (not sure if divorce is allowed in India) but you need to get away from this abusive relationship, if you want to stay, you are taking the chance that your husband will not stop abusing you and you will only retaliate back by abusing him. (This is not a healthy relationship). Think about what you two are doing to each other, talk to each other and make a decision before someone gets really hurt.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Afraid since ex husbands death?

    The Question:

    My husband and I were separated for 3 years because of alcohol and prescription drug addiction. It sadly caught up with him and last week he died. We had a good relationship towards the end and the girls (10,12) got on well with him. This was after a couple of years of abusive phone calls, barring orders etc. Now since he’s died I keep expecting to see him, I’m so afraid of being on my own, and yes I do feel stupid saying this , but yet when I go up my stairs at night my heart is beating and I’m taking antihistamines that I know make me groggy to sleep! my sister thinks I have survivors guilt but all I know is that I’m a person who doesn’t believe in an afterlife or ghosts or anything like that but I’m still scared all the time, has anyone felt this? I know I’m rearing my girls in a way that I know he would approve of, I don’t have another man in my life, why do I feel this way?? Sorry for the long thread , thanks in advance for any help.

    My Response:

    Dear Guilt;

    I think you may feel guilty for not being able to help him sooner, maybe guilty you left and didn’t stay longer to help him, seeing that you ended up getting along so well in the end. You need to let that go, it is not your fault that he was addicted to alcohol or drugs and he chose that life. You had to separate for him to get better, and it was great that he was doing so good in the end, but unfortunately it was just too late. It is hard to not be able to talk or see him everyday like you had been accustomed to for so long, but it will get easier as time goes by. You need to be strong for your girls now and keep doing what you have been doing this entire time that he wasn’t there (and was there) being a great mother to your girls. You have to let go whatever it is you are holding inside you and until you do that, you won’t stop feeling the anxious feeling you feel when going up stairs to bed, or thinking about your ex husband. However, things happen for a reason, and although we don’t always know the reasons behind what happens in our lives, we have to learn from them and grow from them. There is a lesson here to be learned, look back and look at your future and you are the only one that will know what everything means. Stay strong and forgive him for the pain he’s caused you in the past and forgive him for passing away (for in the end he was trying to make things right). Time heals all wounds (even if you don’t see that now).

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Is it adultery if the spouse moves out & has someone else?

    The Question:

    Is this adultery to you guys or not….?
    A spouse moves out then starts to see someone else is that adultery?

    My Response:

    Dear Curious;

    Depends where you are from. You can call any lawyers office in your area to find out for free. If you are from Florida, Florida is a No Fault State. There are no legal documents for separation and once you are not living together you are technically separated, so it does not count as adultery. Find out by a local lawyer in your area, but if she’s/he’s moved out and they are now with someone else then why bother worrying about adultery, at least they moved out before starting a relationship, and if they moved out there are some issues that need to be resolved, I don’t know the whole story so I’m not sure what else is going on in this situation. Good luck….

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • I blamed my fiance for our childs death!!

    The Question:

    I am 26 and engaged to my fiance who I have been with since I was 19 years old, (engaged for 2yrs). We have a 2 year old daughter and I had our second child, a son, the started off this year with a really bad liver. We both started fighting as our son couldn’t leave the hospital and I would turn on him for the littlest things, he would always tell me how much he loves me & how he needs us, he grew up in a hard upbringing and I grew up with hard working parents. After one of our arguments he left our house in a temper & got arrested for aggravated assault, He is serving 15 years and is up for parole in 2. I felt like my world was coming down on me. My son died 6 weeks ago and I went to see my fiance & I blamed him for his death & for not being here for me and his daughter. He just looked at me and said that he knows I don’t mean that, that I just need someone to blame and that he loves me. His mom said he is distraught he has been put on anti-depressants, he always told her how much he loved me, the thing is, he is his own worst enemy, and he reacts before he thinks. He told me last week that he knows its selfish of him but he wants me to wait for him as he cant stand the thought of me being with somebody else. I don’t know deep down if I can deal with knowing the man I love & want to marry will be in prison for that amount of time. I have a really good job that keeps me busy but my mind always goes back to thinking about it, Any advice would be great

    My Response:

    Dear Fiance;

    It is a hard decision to make. On one hand he wasn’t there for you while your son died and that’s the time you needed him the most. He may only be in Jail for 2 years but the choice that you have to make here is one (can you wait for him for 2 years or more) and two (he’s actually going to prison, is this the type of man you want to spend the rest of your life with) a man who can not control his temper, a man who runs from his problems when things get hard? Granted you said you got upset at him a lot and sometimes that happens with couples who are going through hard times, especially in the situation that you were in, you have to realize that this wasn’t easy for him either and he too lost a son. A lot of girlfriends/fiance/wives wait for their men to get out of jail (depending of course on what they did). If you really love him and this is the one person you truly want to spend your life with, then wait, but if you are blaming him for your son’s death, that is something you truly need to get passed before being with him. Your son was sick and it was not your fiance’s fault, however I understand being angry at him for not being there with you during this time. He definitely should have at least been there with you guys. No one can really tell you what to do here, you have to first forgive him in order to move forward with him and you have to then truly decide if this is the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with. You are still young and you have choices in life, sit back and take a look at everything that has happened, maybe even write down on a paper all the good things about him and all the bad and weigh them out, if at the end you just know you love this man and want to spend the rest of your life with him, then it’s your choice to wait for him, but remember he’s up for parole in 2 years, that doesn’t necessarily mean he will be out in 2 years (can you wait that long)? And most importantly can you forgive him for not being there with you when your son passed away? I am truly sorry for your loss.

    Good luck

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My brother is interfering in my life…

    The Question:

    I am a divorced 43 years old woman with 3 children. Should I say to my brother not to interfere in my life?

    I am a divorced 43 years old woman with 2 sons and 1 daughter. I have a 29 year old brother who is very strict with my kids who live only a few blocks from the house. He is strict with my children regarding studies, discipline, neatness, manners and just recently he scolded my daughter who is 18 years old because she came late from a party at 2 in the morning. My daughter got angry and told me that her uncle doesn’t have any rights to interfere in our lives. I know that my brother loves me and my children, he is the one who was there with me when I was divorced, but do you think it is wrong of him to interfere in my life and my childrens life as they are old now. Should I say to my brother not to interfere in my life? What would you do if you were in my place, would you say to your brother not to interfere in your life?

    My Response:

    Dear Sister and Mother;

    I think that you are a grown women, and I think that your brother only wants what is best for your children, but if you feel that your brother is interfering just a little too much in their lives then you have every right to tell him to back off a little. Sit down with your brother and explain to him that you are grateful to have him has a brother, and that you are grateful for him being there for you through the divorce but that you feel he is acting too tough with your children. You do not mind him giving you his opinion but you need for him to back off just a little and let you handle your children on your own. Tell him he is a great uncle and brother but that the children are feeling like he is trying to almost replace their dad in their lives. Don’t take it the wrong way if he replies to you harshly, he might take this in the wrong way, but if he’s the brother you are portraying him to be (caring and loving) then he’ll get over it. It is your life and your children’s lives and if he is trying to discipline them, that is your job and your job alone. Just sit down with him and tell him how you feel, I’m sure he will understand. Just don’t feel bad telling him, this is your life and your children’s lives, you have every right to tell him to just back off a little. I have a brother, and if I was in your shoes, I would tell him in the kindest ways I know how to just back off a little, and I am sure he would understand.

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com