Advice Column: Is he too clingy? Image found on flickr.com
The Question:
Is he too clingy?
I’ve just started dating this guy, and he’s a really lovely person and wants the best for me at all times. I’m really lucky to have him. The only thing is, he seems really attached to me and we’ve only been dating for about a week. He calls me every morning and every night, tells me he loves me about 30 times a day, and if I don’t text him back in five minutes he’ll ring me over and over and over until I answer. I often just turn my phone off and I don’t look at it for an hour. He wants to spend every day with me, wherever I turn he’s always there. I love being with him, but it’s suffocating! Is he being too clingy, or am I just over-reacting? What can I do?
(Edited)
Response:
Dear Suffocated;
He obviously really likes you, but I do think that sometimes in a relationship there is something called ‘a little too much’. All relationships need some form of space. It’s not healthy to be constantly calling you until you answer, that can become very annoying. Have you tried talking to him? Tell him how you feel and see if he backs off a little. I understand the first stages of a relationship are exciting and you usually want to spend as much time with that person as possible, but there is a limit to everything in life. Talk to him and tell him how you feel, if he doesn’t change, you may have to make a hard decision. Eventually what he’s doing will just annoy you more and more, and you will end up disliking him for it. Some women love that kind of attention but every person is different. It’s not a bad thing, but you have to be honest with yourself and with him. If you don’t stop him now it can only get worse.
I recently started reading the Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod. I’m not going to say it’s changed my life and that my world has done a 160, but I’m definitely feeling motivated for change. Then again I just started the miracle morning 6 days ago. It is definitely still hard to get up in the morning as I have always considered myself to not be a “morning person.” A mom who I know through social media recommended this book. It sounded really good so when I read the first 2 chapters (which are free on Kara at bohoberry.com. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to introduce her to you and also use this lovely photo and title. On her post she reviews the book. I would totally check it out if you want to get more than just my opinion on this.
“Let today be the day you give up who you’ve been for who you can become” Hal Elrod
I am now focusing on waking up earlier and bringing more energy back into my life. Since I have had the baby I feel a lot more anxious and I get irritated easily. Apparently this is “normal” for some women after having a baby. My son is a year old and I haven’t felt any better, so I definitely feel there is a change needed in my routine and my life.
I finished the book today, which by the way I recommend reading more than once. If you’re like me, you can’t concentrate long enough to grasp every word in a book. As I read my brain doesn’t shut off and I’m constantly thinking while trying to read. YES, its as challenging as it sounds. So, although I have read the book and I’m all in on trying this ‘miracle morning’, I need to read it again just in case I missed a few things.
Hal recommends you put your alarm clock away from your bed so that you are forced to get out of bed and not hit the snooze button. I have to admit, I have hit the snooze button each time. I set my alarm clock for 6:45am and I don’t get out of bed until 7am. I still don’t think that’s too bad, usually I would turn it off and sleep until my little one wakes me up, which is anywhere from 7:40am to 8:30am on a good day. And even then, I still wake up sleepy. On another note; this may have something to do with my thyroid but I haven’t made it out to the doctor. That’s another subject for another day.
“Every day, think as you wake up, ‘Today I am fortunate to have woken up, I am alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can.” – Dalai Lama
These are one of the many inspirational quotes in The Miracle Morning book. I love reading these inspirational quotes. They truly get you inspired to do better. The problem with these books is that you get motivated for a little while and then we forget what it was all about. This time I feel like I really want to stick with it. Waking up earlier with my husband has given us more energy. We are already feeling like we have more use of our day. My husband works from home so although he wakes up relatively early this is giving us an hour before starting our day to relax and meditate. We are even getting a little exercise in. This is all part of the miracle morning routine.
Hal teaches you to make your own routine. So far I am following his because I find it to fit me. But you can definitely change it up to fit your life style. This is my morning routine so far:
7am – Brush teeth and wash face
7:10 – Drink 1 glass of water while I make my coffee
7:15 – Sit on couch, crossing my legs and get ready for a 5 to 10 minute meditation session. I am still working on this. It is hard to shut off the mind and think of nothing. But I have to say it is nice to hear the silence in the house before my little one wakes up.
7:25 – Affirmation – Repeat something positive. Something you want to improve in your life.
7:30 – Visualization – Visualize your life and where you want it to be – this is fun for me. I love to visualize what my future can have.
7:40 – WORK OUT – I like to add a little yoga in my routine with some crunches. I kind of make up my own thing, but you can definitely hit the gym or pop in a dvd.
7:55 – Write – I write in my journal how I woke up feeling so I can see how I am progressing using the miracle morning
8am – If my son hasn’t woken up yet I try to get a few minutes of reading in. If he is up then I try to read during one of his naps or before bed time. But MAKE TIME for this. It’s important to expand your mind and take a break from everyday life and television.
So this is my routine so far. I may change it up and if I do I will let you know. I’m just getting started. I’m learning what works for me and what doesn’t. I will follow up with you in a few weeks to let you know how I am doing and how I am feeling.
Advice Column – My Wife cheated on me – Photo from http://www.google.com/images
Advice Column:
I found out recently that my wife was cheating and emailing old boyfriends (2 different guys); during 10 years of her sneakiness she kept her self in unbelievable shape and always looked hot. After I confronted her she said she was so sorry and she loved me and she made a mistake.The problem is, that now that her sneakiness has stopped she is not worrying about how she looks and is gaining weight. I know this looks so obvious on the surface but what do you think it really means ??
Is this just another sign of her not being happy with me so she doesn’t have to look sexy any longer.
My Response:
Dear Wife’s Too Comfortable;
First lets start off with that your wife cheated on you and you are still with her. Why are you with her? Don’t you think you deserve someone who doesn’t need to cheat on you to later realize they really want to be with you? Second – her gaining weight and not looking good for you can mean different things. Every women is different, personally I like to stay looking good for me and also because there are other women out there and it feels good to keep your man happy. It could mean that she is no longer cheating and has realized that although she’s happy with you, she now doesn’t have to worry about her appearance. I mean if you stayed with her after she cheated on you, why would you leave her if she gained some weight? Or she can simply just not care anymore. I think you should sit down with your wife and talk to her if you aren’t happy. Looks aren’t everything and I am not saying someone in the relationship is not allowed to gain weight, you should love the other person no matter what. I just find it strange that she kept herself up really nice when cheating on you, but now is just letting herself go. Again – COMMUNICATION is key, talk to your wife and see what she’s feeling. A happy relationship needs communication, if you don’t talk, you will never know the answer to your question.
Advice Column: How do I make a guy like me? Image by: google.com/images
Advice Column:
I have a crush on this cute guy in my apartment and when ever I see him we just pass each other and he never tries to look at me in the eyes, he just looks down or he just avoids eye contact. I once saw his young brother but I did not ask him his name. Do you think he has a crush on me too? How do I make a guy like me?
My Response:
Dear Shyness;
There isn’t anything specific to making a guy like you. Just be you and you’ll find the right guy to like you as you are. Now in your situation it’s different, it’s not even about making this guy like you, as much as it is just having him talk to you. It’s either two things; either he’s really shy and doesn’t know how to approach girls or he’s simply just not that into you. You can go about this in a few ways.
Way #1: Approach him the next time you see him in the hall way. Just say hello and start small talk. Maybe even act dumb and ask him a question, like ‘do you know where the nearest target is’?
Way #2: Bump into him and apologize, see if this will finally open his eyes to looking at you and start a conversation from there.
Way #3: Talk to his little brother and ask him what’s up with his brother?
Way #4: Be straight forward, tell him you think he’s cute & you were wondering if he would like to hang out sometime?
My preferred way to go is Way #1, if he isn’t willing to talk to you and ask your name I would just say hi to him while passing in the hallway and introduce myself to him. It’s up to you, but if he still shows no interest after that, I say let it go and move on. There are plenty of other guys out there that won’t be so shy.
Advice Column: Threesome friend with benefits. Image found on google.com/images
Advice Column: Threesome friend with benefits
My friend with benefits and my girl friend and I had a threesome and now I’m so jealous I’m crying my eyes out. Please any advice?
So me and Hank (Fake Name) are really good friends and we hook up when we’re bored. Today we went out and I brought my friend Stacey (Fake Name) along with us because I wanted her to meet him. Hank and I started hooking up and I’m like oh look Stacey feels left out lets let her join! He said okay. So we did and Hank and Stacey were having sex and I was so f’en [sic] jealous but I played it off and pretended I was tired. Stacey came up to me afterwards and apologized and I was like whatever its cool you know. So now I don’t know what to do. Hank and I are just friends with benefits but everyone knows we kind of like each other but I’m so jealous I cried! Even Hank asked me whats wrong because I was obviously annoyed and just quiet afterwards. Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? What now? Help….
(Edited)
~Friend with Benefits
My Response:
Dear Friends with Benefits;
It is my opinion that if you care about someone, never do a threesome, there is always someone in that equation that gets hurt. What is done is done, if your friend knows you like this guy just make sure you don’t have any more threesomes with her and your guy. If you really like this guy and you think he has feelings for you, then you need to talk to him. If you don’t talk to him then chances are he will just stay comfortable in this “friends with benefits” routine you guys have going on. Friends with benefits doesn’t work once someone starts having feelings for the other person. You need to tell him how you feel and go from there. If he doesn’t feel the same way then you have to stop sleeping with him. Sleeping with him is only going to make your feelings stronger for him and you are only going to get hurt. Remember communication is key in any relationship If he’s really your friend then he should be honest with you on how he feels.
Good luck.
Advice Column: Is my Uncle cheating on my Auntie? – Image found on google.com/images
Advice Column: Is my Uncle cheating on my Auntie?
I was playing hide and seek with my cousin and hiding behind a sofa when my uncle came to sit down not knowing I was there. He took his phone out and started texting someone. I could only see a little bit of the text and I saw words such as GIRLFRIEND and GORGEOUS. When my cousin suddenly walked in the room he quickly hid his phone. Please help! What should I do?
Additional Details:
I’m 14 and was made to play hide and seek with my 4 year old cousin by parents….
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Hide & Seek;
This is a hard position to be in, but you don’t necessarily know he is cheating on your aunt and you do not want to stir up problems if there really isn’t any. This is between your aunt and uncle and I would just leave it alone. If you feel that you can’t hold it in and it is really bothering you then talk to your parents about what you saw. Then let them take it from there. You are too young to be worrying about stuff like this. Good luck!
Advice Column: Wife wants to sleep with another woman. Image found on google.com/images
Advice Column: Wife wants to sleep with another woman
Dear Kristin Nicole
My wife told me that she has been having feelings for a co-worker of hers, at first I was conflicted because I thought she meant a guy but then she told me that it was another woman. I’m still conflicted with this because we have known each other for 10 years and she has never gave off that she likes other women. She told me that this other woman wants to sleep with her and she wouldn’t mind if I watched, but I don’t know what to think about this. Most men would love for their wives to sleep with another woman and be able to watch, but if she ends up wanting to sleep with other woman all the time, what do I do? She says I can’t join them, I can only watch. Do I let her sleep with this other woman or not? ~Husband
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Husband;
I think you are right, I think most men would be thrilled to watch their wife or girlfriend be with another woman, but I understand your concern in regards to her wanting to do this more than once. Talk to your wife and ask her what has brought this on? Is this just a one time thing to get out of her system, out of curiosity? You need to think about this and you need to really be sure that you will be okay with your wife sleeping with another woman. Perhaps your wife is in the closet and isn’t sure which side of the bed she really wants to sleep on. This is a tough decision and you need to truly be okay with what your wife is asking. Communicate with your wife your concerns and make it clear that if you are okay with this, it can only happen once. Personally, I don’t think a man or woman should want to sleep with any other person and I think this is something she should have gotten out of her system before you got married but the fact that you have known her for so long and she has never done anything like this makes it seem like she is either bored or has always been curious of the same sex. Talk to your wife and make the decision together.
Advice Column: Husband wants to be a swinger. Image found on google.com/images
Advice Column: Husband wants to be a swinger
Dear Kristin Nicole
My husband asked me the other day if I was willing to go to a swingers club with him. I don’t know what to think of this. We have been married for only 2 years. Is he bored of me already that he wants to sleep with other people? I asked him why he would want to go to a swingers club and he said he just wanted to spice things up for us. I thought we had pretty good sex, so I am not sure what I can do. I don’t feel comfortable sleeping with other people or my husband sleeping with other people but I’m scared that if I don’t go he will cheat on me and leave me. Do I go so that I don’t lose him? Or do I tell him no, and hope he doesn’t leave me. ~Swinger
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Swinger;
If you want my personal opinion then I would say NO…. I don’t think that in a marriage people should sleep with other people. If you are married, you should be committed and happy to be with just that one person. How long have you known your husband? Has he always been a little freaky or ever indicated that he wanted to be a swinger? If this is something new that he suddenly brought up then you need to really sit down with your husband and tell him how you feel. If he is willing to end your marriage just because you don’t believe swinging is the answer to better sex, then maybe you need to truly think about what kind of man you married. Do you want to be with a man that wants to sleep with other women and that is willing for his wife to sleep with other men? Tell your husband that you are willing to try other things in the bedroom and spice it up in other ways but if you don’t feel comfortable going to a swingers club then you need to speak up. Giving in and going just because your husband wants to might end up badly in the end. You may end up resenting him for making you go. Go with your gut feeling and talk to your husband. If he loves you I am sure he will be okay with whatever decision you make.
Advice Column: Affair with a married man – Image found on google.com/images
Advice Column: Affair with a married man
I’m a 17 year old girl, who recently started talking to a 23 year old guy from across the country. He told me straight up that he has two baby boys, which didn’t bother me because we weren’t anything serious. Well we texted all the time and talked on the phone, but when he oddly kept refusing to add me on Facebook I demanded to know why. He admitted to being in a loveless, miserable marriage. They’ve been married for four years and he’s slept with a few other women. He suspects her of cheating on him while he was stationed in Korea and doesn’t think that his oldest son is really his. I’m a very understanding person and continued talking to him despite his personal life. But now it’s at the point where he says he has too big of a heart to leave his wife and kids, and I don’t know what to do. I like him but knowing he sits out in his car every night after work to call me while his wife is inside sleeping just doesn’t feel right. It’s too much! He’s an amazing guy and although I don’t think what he’s doing is right, I also feel like I shouldn’t play along. It just kills me because I know how unhappy and utterly miserable he is with her. What should I do? ~17
My Response:
Dear 17;
I think you already know the answer to your question and you just need for someone else to confirm what you have already been thinking and feeling. You stated; “and though I don’t think what he’s doing is right, I also feel like I shouldn’t play along.” Do you need any other answer besides that one? The guy can’t be too good of a guy if he’s cheating on his wife constantly and lying to her. He doesn’t live close to you and all you have is a phone relationship. You are much too young to be worrying about a guy with so many problems. You need to be having fun and start dating guys more your age. Enjoy your life and stop worrying about a guy who is cheating on his wife and his family with other women and sneaking off at night to talk to you. Close the door to this relationship and move on.
Advice Column: I want a sex toy. Image found on google.com/images
Advice Column: I want a sex toy
Dear Kristin Nicole;
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and I want to spice it up in the bedroom by buying a sex toy but I am not sure if my boyfriend will really go for it. In the past when friends have been talking about it, he has commented that a woman doesn’t need a sex toy if the man is doing his job right. It’s not because he can’t satisfy me but I think it would be fun to spice things up a bit, plus it doesn’t hurt to have that fun hanging around when my boyfriend isn’t home. Should I buy one and surprise him or talk to him about it first? ~Sex Toy
My Response:
Dear Sex Toy;
There is nothing wrong with spicing it up in the bedroom and I think that you have been with your boyfriend long enough for him to know how you are in the bedroom. Talk to your boyfriend and tell him that you want to spice things up in the bedroom and you think a toy would be a lot of fun. If he is hesitant and starts saying he should be enough for you, explain to him that he is enough for you and that the toy can just add some more fun to the bedroom. If that doesn’t work then you can either forget about it or take the chance and surprise him in the bedroom with one. If that doesn’t work, keep the toy around for when he’s not home. If he really loves you, there shouldn’t be a problem with him wanting to spice things up a bit. Have fun and get a drink in him before bringing it out, this way he’ll be a little more relaxed. Good luck!
