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Category: Family

Advice Column: He touched my brother and molested me

Advice Column: He touched my brother and molested me. Image found on flickr.com

The Question:

He touched my brother when he was little and then he molested me. I’m angry and I don’t know what to do.

So a few years ago my brother and I where sleeping over at our friends house, and in the middle of the night I woke up and caught this person who was 13 at the time touching, with my younger brother who was 8 [sic]. I didn’t give it much thought, I just thought they were playing some harmless game or whatever and went back to sleep, the next morning I asked them what they where up to and this person said that they where just playing games on the computer. This was back when I trusted this person, so I thought I probably just dreamed it or my eyes where playing tricks on me since it was dark and I was still half asleep. Anyway, so I completely forgot about it for about 2 years and then around March of 2013, my sister told me some horrible rape story that had happened to her friend and it left me feeling shocked for several days. It triggered the memory of catching this person and my brother touching.

So I asked my brother what happened and it turns out that this person had bribed him to touch him. I couldn’t handle that so I told my dad and he said it was harmless and something I shouldn’t be worrying about and he laughed. I went over to this persons house for a week or so and he came back to ours, I wasn’t mad yet I just felt really bad [sic], I felt like it was somehow my fault that it had happened. I felt guilty for about 6 months non stop. While this person was here he was a DICK! I talked to him about what he did and he threatened me! He called me names and once he dry humped my back against my will.

I told him to stop but he waited like 30 seconds, I could have beat him up but I couldn’t be bothered [sic]. He stayed here for 3 months. I went over to his house in April this year and I beat him up, and I told him I was beating him because he humped me. He denied it at first but then he said if I wanted him to stop I should have just said so. I saw him a few days later and his eye was bloodshot, I still feel angry though, I think I should go to his house and dry hump him against his will and beat him up till he cries because I still feel really angry at that f***ing *****! I hate him for all the s*** he did to me. He’s also racist. He brags to me about doing drugs cause he thinks its cool. He calls me names, like when he was here he called me a crazy b**** for not dyeing his hair. In 2012 He tried to beat me up because he was using my computer, and I asked if I could use it for a minute, and he just ignored me completely so I got angry and told him to get off. I didn’t fight back.

Please help, I don’t know what to do.

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Angry;

You are very angry, but beating up on this person, or going to their house is not helping anyone. You have every right to be angry but you need to stop and talk to an adult that will help you. I am not sure if you have a mom? Have you spoken to her or any other family member besides your dad? You should try talking to your dad again, I cannot believe that he would just brush something like this off, but sometimes as adults we don’t want to face something that is so horrible, yet true. This doesn’t excuse him, but I’m just trying to understand why he would allow this man back into your house after what you told him. You or your brother should never be around this person. I would talk to another adult and report this person as soon as possible. If this person has done this to you and your brother than they most likely have done this to other children and it isn’t safe to be around them. Do not blame yourself, you couldn’t have prevented what this person did to your brother, you are and were young and you didn’t know what you were really seeing. The important part is that you now know the truth and you can now protect your brother and yourself by not being around this man and reporting him. Report this person to someone and stay away from them.

xo

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

July 2, 2014
Advice Column: I feel alone

Advice Column: I feel alone. Image found on Flickr.com

The Question:

Should I see a counselor, I feel alone.

I’m a 21 year old full time student and worker. I have a respectable job and I am planning to go to law school next year when I finish my undergraduate degree. I haven’t lived at home since I was 9, but instead have lived with a number of random people. I was pretty much in foster care, although I wasn’t officially in the system. When I was younger I dealt with not having parents or family a lot better. I think it was because I felt like I would some day, that someone would love me like their daughter or something. Now that I’m 21, it seems harder for me to deal with my feelings. Most people think I’m really happy, because I can be really energetic at times. I laugh and smile a lot, and honestly I do feel happy sometimes, but overall I’m sad. Every time I go to bed I am sad. I cry a lot by myself because I’ve always wanted a mom or dad to really love me. I’ve made connections with adults and have had mentors, but it seems I never can really be loved like most people love their kids. Nobody comes to my award stuff at school, who knows if I’ll have anyone at my graduation, and I probably wont have anyone to walk me down the isle at my wedding one day. I try so hard, I really do. I try to love people and get involved with other people’s life, but I always feel like an intruder/outsider. I get jealous of my friends who have awesome moms and dads. Not because they have them, but because I wish I did too. I even thought about moving out of state to get away. Advice?

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear feeling sad;

It’s normal to feel the way you do. You come from a situation that not many can crawl out of. You have to count your blessings in other ways. I can’t imagine how hard it is to not have a mother and father in your life, but you have to think of the positive that may have come from it. There are some people who have their parents, but they are abusive mentally and physically. Your situation could have been a lot worse. I know it’s not easy no matter which way you look at it, but something that always keeps me going is to remember ‘it can always be worse.’ Seems to me like you have most of your life put together, you are going into law school, you and you work, keep up the positivity in your life. I definitely don’t see anything wrong with talking to a counselor, sometimes talking to someone helps. Moving out of state is not going to make the sadness in you go away, you have to learn to accept your situation and make the best of it. Have you ever thought about finding family from your biological parents? This is something to think about, maybe they have been looking for you or they don’t know you exist. I don’t know your situation completely so it’s hard for me to give more of my advice. But always remember that you are stronger than what you think, and that it’s okay to feel a little jealous of your friends and their families sometimes. But remember where and what you have become and be proud of that.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

May 30, 2014
Advice Column: How do I handle a relative and a bully?

Advice Column: How do I handle a relative and a bully? Image found on: Flickr.com

The Question:

How do I handle a relative and a bully?

My older sister is 27 and I am 24. I work three jobs to pay my bills and school. I recently saved up enough money for a car. It’s 10 years old and it’s not the perfect car but it’s mine. She didn’t congratulate me she just brushed the car off , and started off with “she’s going to rub it in my face that she bought a car before me.” I haven’t nor would I rub it in her face.

She told the village cops I’m driving without a license (I’m not) so I’ve been pulled over multiple times. She doesn’t have a job and I’ve vouched for her on multiple occasions for jobs and she’s screwed me over. I work for a grocery store in the morning, and a convenient store at night, and an ambulance service on my days off. She constantly makes comments like; “must be nice to go out and party” on the rare occasions I do go out. My dad recently started dating again and she’s being cruel and mean towards my dads new girlfriend. She’s the reason my mother doesn’t talk to my other sister. My mom borrowed money from my other sister to bail my 27 year old sister out of trouble. She’s got three kids with three guys. She abused me growing up. Every time I try to talk to my mom or dad about it she butts in and says I’m jealous of her. My mom says to drop it because she hates being in the middle of it. What I’m saying is, is it bad to not want her in my life at all? I don’t want to try anymore. I don’t want the negativity in my life. I’m moving out June 1st, is it healthy if I just cut her out of my life?

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Little Sister;

It’s not unhealthy to cut your own sister out of your life. Some people may have their opinions that this is your sister, and you should try to help her. Family is important, but if that family is only bringing negativity into your life, then sometimes it’s best to move on from them. Your sister is old enough to know right from wrong. She needs to grow up and stop being negative towards you and your family. Have you tried sitting down with your sister one on one, and explaining to her how you feel? Communicating with her about the way you feel is important. You don’t want to regret removing her from your life if you truly feel that you haven’t tried to work things out. If you feel that you have done all you can, then it’s her own doing. It sounds to me like she may be jealous that you have your life together. You are working hard to get to where you want to be, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I wouldn’t give her the time of day, let her make her negative comments because at the end of the day you are doing you and making your life better. And no matter what she says, she can’t take that away from you.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

May 28, 2014
Advice Column: Sex with the ex to get pregnant

Advice Column: Sex with the ex to get pregnant? Image found on flickr.com

The Question:

Sex with the ex to get pregnant.

I am desperate for a baby. My ex and I are still quite close and with a little extra push on my part I believe that we could not only resume physical relations but could also get back together again. I am prepared to do this alone if need be, but something tells me that if I manage to get pregnant he would probably very easily come back. My question is this, given that I could potentially put my family back together and get the baby I desire should I initiate sex with him when I am ovulating without telling him? He will obviously be aware that I am looking to have another baby but I just won’t tell him about the dates. So if he has sex with me, then he understands the ‘risk’ but doesn’t completely understand that extent of the risk as long as I timing it right. Right?

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Ex;

If you want to truly have a baby but you don’t care that you may have to raise this baby on your own that is definitely up to you. There are a lot of single parents out there or certain circumstances a woman has in her life that she chooses to bring a baby into this world without a father present in their life. However; this is a big responsibility and you have to not only think about what you want but you need to think about your future baby, and what is best for him or her. On that note; it is extremely wrong to persuade a man to have sex with you just to have a baby. Does it take two to tango? Yes, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to not tell him you are ovulating to just get pregnant. If he does fall for this, then he’s an idiot because you should always use protection or contraceptives when having sex with someone. I think that you are trying to make your reasoning behind this okay, but it’s not okay. What you are doing is sneaky and irresponsible. Bringing a child into this world no longer means that it’s about you. If this man is your ex, he’s an ex for a reason. If you want to actually try and make things work with him, then do that. But don’t get pregnant just in the hopes he may or may not come back to you just because you are pregnant.

xo

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

May 23, 2014
Advice Column: How can I help my sister?

Sisters. Image found on Flickr.com

The Question:

How can I help my sister? My boyfriend and I just got married. My sister is feeling sad because I told her I had to go live with him. She doesn’t want me to leave her. We are just moving down the street, it’s not real far and I told her she can come over tonight for a sleepover. She said it won’t be the same. She’s also sad because her best friends just moved away and they won’t be back until July. She really misses them. How can I comfort her?

(Edited)

My Answer:

Dear Sister;

How old is your sister? It sounds to me like she is young if she doesn’t understand that you need to move out to live with your husband. You need to talk to her and explain to her that you will always be there for her and you aren’t going too far. A sleepover is a good idea and it’s a start. Unfortunately you can’t fix her feelings. What you are doing is already a step to comforting her. Unfortunately any type of change is sometimes hard for people and the fact that her best friend moved and her sister is moving out is probably something that is hard for her to understand at the moment. Just continue to talk to her and be there for her, her sadness will soon pass and she will realize that you moving out isn’t all that bad.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

May 2, 2014
Advice Column: I feel trapped and depressed

Coming out to my parents. Image found on Flickr.com

The Question:

I’m a 14 years old boy. I feel trapped in my own house. I can’t act like myself around my family. Ever since I came out as gay to my parents, my mom has been calling everything I do “gay.” For example, I was listening to my Ariana Grande album and my mom said it was girly and to turn it off. My dad made me change and wouldn’t let me wear skinny jeans to school. They are trying to change everything about me. My mom said “gay is not gods way.” and my sister constantly calls me a fag. They even make fun of my voice. I try to talk deeper but it’s so obviously fake. I can’t help the way I talk 🙁 It’s so hard living like this. Advice please?

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Coming Out;

It hurts me to hear what you are going through. It’s a hard to come out to ones family and then to be called names and constantly being told what you do is ‘gay’ is just wrong. Try sitting down with your parents again and try to explain to them how you feel. If this still does not work try talking to a counselor at school. Do you have other family that you can talk to? If you do and if they are accepting with who you are then talk to them. See if you can spend more time with them and less time at home until your parents start accepting who you are. It’s not easy for parents to accept their child is gay but it gives them no excuse to treat you the way they are treating you. Talk to your sister and tell her how you feel, what she is doing isn’t nice and she needs to understand that. I hope things get better for you at home, but don’t ever give up on who you truly are. Be proud and stand tall.

xo

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

April 28, 2014
Advice Column: How can I stop this old man from marrying my sister?

She gets the guy. Image found on flickr.com

The Question:

How can I stop this old man from marrying my sister?

My sister just turned 19 when her and I went to a club. I am 32. 31 at the time we went. I saw this guy who was my age there and tried to get him to dance. Instead we just talked. As I came back from the ladies room I saw my sister chatting it up with him and they were smiling then dancing. He is my age. Wth.

My sister works as an aerobics instructor and gets passes from guys her age all the time. This man works as an artist and personal trainer and is not rich. A virgin too from what I heard. He is like a kid in a comic shop. But a big body builder guy while my young sister is a petite girl.

Now they are getting married and living together in his apartment. He lives in an apartment when someone his age should have a house at least.

I just got out of a marriage and I am looking. Where have all the good men gone?

My Response:

Dear Older Sister;

Your sister is a grown women. I understand that he is 13 years older than her but that doesn’t have anything to do with you. Even if you don’t agree with the situation, there is nothing you can do. Just because the man doesn’t own a house doesn’t mean he won’t be a good provider or husband. There are many men who are older that don’t own a house.

This sounds like you are trying to come up with excuses because you may be a bit jealous that he chose your sister instead of you. Have you tried talking to your sister? Talk to her and tell her how you feel. If the guy is a virgin then maybe he’s religious or waiting for the right person to come along. Is it strange? Yes, it is especially since he’s a personal trainer, but we don’t know the true reasons behind him still being a virgin. (If this is true.) Talk to your sister and tell her how you feel, but remember she’s a grown women and she can make her own decisions. You may have to accept this new found marriage.

It sounds like you need to get out there on your own. Just because this guy ended up with your sister doesn’t mean that all the good men are gone. Besides, you just said he’s a virgin… do you really want a guy who is still a virgin at your age? Find a real man and move on. But remember your sister will always be your sister.

xo,

kristin nicole

Question found on Yahoo.com

April 25, 2014
Advice: How do I get over a 6 year relationship?

Image found on Flickr.com

Question:

How do I get over a long term relationship (6 years) break up with kids?

My ex and I broke up 2 weeks ago, the first week was hard. We share the kids 50/50 and are still friends. I see her almost everyday because of the kids. She broke it off saying she doesn’t think we are right for each other and its kind of hard at times. But other times I think I’ve gotten over her. But you know its still hard, is there a way I can make this easier??

I know about that whole going out, working on me, and stuff but I still think about it at times. Like is she thinking of the good times?Any good tips?

(Revised)

Answers:

Dear 6 year relationship,

Six years is a long time and you have kids together. The good thing is that you are still friends and you are doing this the right way for your kids. There really isn’t any good tips about getting over a relationship. Especially when you have children together and you have to see her almost every day.

Any relationship that ends is going to be hard. Time is the only thing that will help. I know it sounds cliche but it’s true. Just try to stay busy. I am not saying that it will stop you from thinking about her but it will definitely help. If you aren’t ready for a new relationship that’s okay. You can start dating and getting to know other people with no strings attached. Hang out with your friends, go to the gym, just get out of the house. The more you sit around the more you will be thinking about her. It’s going to be hard and it is going to take time. You have kids together so you have to see her and that isn’t going to be easy. Try not to think about what she is thinking, if she’s the one who ended then more than likely she isn’t thinking about “the good times.” Trust me, time heals all wounds.

xo
kristin nicole

Question found on Answers.Yahoo.com

April 21, 2014
I caught my husband having affairs on the net – After being married for thirty years

The-Question:

I caught my husband having affairs on the net – After being married for thirty years I don’t know what to do? I cant seem to trust him anymore. I cant seem to forget and keep blaming myself for not keeping an eye on him.

My Response:

Dear 30 Years;

You have every right to not trust him anymore, you were married for 30 years and he betrayed your trust in the most horrible way a man can betray a woman’s trust. Do NOT blame yourself. We can not be on top of our men all the time, and we shouldn’t have to. You should be able to trust the person you are with and that person should be faithful to you no matter what temptations are out there. If your husband couldn’t be faithful this is not your fault. No matter how hard it may be you deserve respect and love from someone and you deserve to not get cheated on. It may be hard to leave your husband but he left you the day he decided to cheat on you and destroy your marriage. Stay strong, it isn’t going to be an easy journey for you but I promise there is someone out there for everyone. My aunt was married for over 20 years and later found her soul-mate. It’s never too late! Good luck!

xo
kristin nicole

I found this question on <a/ href=”http://www.answers.yahoo.com”>Answers.Yahoo.com

June 18, 2013
I’m too involved in my daughters life and it’s taking me away from my son and husband

Over Involved Mother – image by: google.com/images

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I am way too involved in my nearly 15 year old daughter’s life. It consumes me and my happiness seems to be dependent on how happy she is. I find myself getting too involved in social issues and give advice often before she asks for it. We have a great relationship and she tells me so much but I sometimes wish she didn’t. Lately I have lost sleep worrying about girl issues and boyfriend issues. She is extremely attractive and athletic and often suffers from jealous girls trying to knock her down. Lately these girls have been trying to turn boys against her and have succeeded to a point. She says it doesn’t worry her but I struggle to believe that. She says she is fine but I just can’t stop worrying and giving advice. I need to stop before I ruin the wonderful relationship we have had and she stops telling me things. It’s just that I know what can potentially happen and I am trying to protect her from it. Help me to stop as i am neglecting my 11 year old son and husband that is all that is consuming my thoughts. I am an educated person with a degree so I should know better! (Edited by: KN)

My Response:

Dear Over involved mom;

I know it’s hard to not worry about your daughter, but you have already passed the first step of realizing you are too involved. You have to accept that your daughter needs to make her own mistakes and you need to try to let what she tells you not bother you. If your daughter is open with you and she is telling you that she is okay, you need to believe her and let her come to you if things aren’t okay. Start making time for mother and son day. I can only imagine that things in common with an 11 year old son may be difficult but try to see what he wants to do and start giving him attention as well. Also try to make time for a date night with your husband and talk to him about how you are feeling. If you don’t explain to him how you feel then he won’t understand what it is you are going through. If you talk to him then at least he will have a better understanding on what is going on with you. Remember communication is key, let him help you and get your mind off things. Remember teenagers will have ups and downs, that’s why it’s called teenage years, so try not to worry so much about your daughter. It sounds to me like she’s a smart girl, and she already knows she can come to you if she needs you. Start focusing on the good and don’t over analyze everything she tells you.

Good Luck

xo,

kristin nicole

April 11, 2013