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Category: Family

  • Would leaving my 10yr old stepdaughter with my abusive husband be selfish?

    The Question:

    Would leaving my 10yr old stepdaughter with my abusive husband be selfish? I love her, she has been raised as mine and wants to come with me but taking her or even raising the desire to take her will open the door to the manipulation and disorder that I want to leave far far behind. My husband is an unmitigated narcissist who will withhold money, disrupt birthdays and holidays, tell hurtful lies, be violent or distant to me and the children anything that suits his current control needs. I can now leave all that but not if I have his daughter. But I know she will bear the brunt of all that if I leave her. What do I do?

    My Response:

    Dear Step-Mom;

    First things first, did you adopt his daughter when she was little? If you did not adopt her I am not sure if you have any rights to having full custody, but you can talk to a lawyer and see what your options are. This is a very difficult situation because you do not want to stay in an abusive relationship but you can not leave your step daughter with him either if he is abusive. Find a way to either take full custody or see if there is someone that can fight for custody of her. I think that there might be a way to file custody for her if you choose to be responsible of her since she knows you and was raised by you. You need to find this out first and go from there, but it is not healthy for either of you to stay in a house if he is being violent with you. I hope this helps, good luck and I would love for you to keep me updated, I am interested in finding out if you are able to file for custody. I looked up a few sites and a few say you might be able to but nothing concrete. As to your original question of being selfish if you leave your step daughter with your abusive husband, I have to say yes, I know it is a hard position to be in, but you raised her and she should not be left with him alone, either fight for her or you need to make the decision of calling child services on him. It is a hard decision but I think your best bet is to go to a lawyer first and find out your options. Good Luck!

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Do you think it is overrated to save your virginity until marriage?

    The Question:

    Do you think it is overrated to save your virginity until marriage?
    Ii just want some honest input, if you’re not mature enough to answer than don’t. Since I’m asking for your input I guess I can give you mine. “I am 19 years old and in college and a virgin. I’m wondering if its just a silly pipe dream that I will find a girl who has the same morals as I do? It is not easy keeping it and honestly I kind of forget why I am sometimes. Any thoughts?

    My Response:

    Dear Wanting to wait;

    I do not think it is overrated and I do think it is sweet, and it is hard very hard. Now a day’s a lot of girls and a lot of guys do not wait for marriage, but if this is something you truly believe in then I think you should stick with it. Perhaps join a church group, you might be able to find a girl that is still “pure” there rather than frat parties in college 😉 You might also find other guys that have the same morals as you do and it may make it easier to hang out with them then other 19 year old guys who are only looking to party and have sex. You are still young and you still have time to decide, but do not let others tell you that it is overrated or that you shouldn’t wait until marriage. If this is how you feel, I say go for it. Good luck.

    xo
    kristin nicole

  • Is my mother a lesbian?

    The Question:

    Well the other night, I came home from school and I saw my mom with a girl. She was pretty, and then they were on a bed together. My mom was shocked and told me to get out of the room, then the next morning, the girl that was with my mom left, and i saw my mom kiss her. Ii don’t know what to do. Please help…

    My response:

    Dear confused;

    I can’t say for sure if your mother is a lesbian, but this is something very personal and something you need to sit down with your mom and talk about. How old are you? Perhaps she feels you can’t take the news, but if she doesn’t want to talk about it with you, she shouldn’t have other women sleeping over and kissing her where you can obviously catch her doing so. It is more then likely that perhaps your mom is going through a change, I’m not sure the situation, like if she just recently divorced your dad, if your dad has been in the picture at all? Questions that could determine what she may be going through. Either way, I say talk to her, confront your mom and see what she says. Good luck!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My Dad’s going through a mid-life crisis & he is scaring the heck out of me! What should I do?

    The Question:

    No joke I need advice. My dad is 53 yrs old and I believe he is going through a mid life crisis. He is starting to scare the heck out of me because he is NOT acting like himself. It seems like one minute he is OK and the next he’s get extremely upset or angry over little things. He’s criticizing himself all the time and sometimes my mother for no reason. He thinks he looks too wrinkled and now he’s getting botox injections (even tho we can’t afford it). Like I’m worried about him but he thinks I am over reacting?!? WTF (What the F***) did I do? I understand he’s getting older .he has some health and financial problems in his life but I would like to try to find a way to help him. Anyone else have this problem?

    I am 23 yrs old (turning 24 soon in August) but I feel like he treats me like I am an extremely naive, stupid and unsophisticated child. I live at home but I’m trying to help him pay for bills and living expensive with my part time job.

    I am telling you he is driving me f***ing crazy. What should I do? (no jokes please )

    My response:

    Dear going crazy;

    I know it’s hard because no one really knows what he’s going through, the only thing you can try to do is sit down with him when he’s in a good mood. Explain to him the way you feel about the way he’s been acting lately and go from there. If that doesn’t work, then just try to stay out of his way for right now, give him time to figure things out. You should also talk to your mom, maybe the two of you can sit down together with him and tell him that whatever he’s going through that the two of you are there to help. The only other thing I can tell you is move out. You said you had a part time job, is this because you are going to school? If you are continue doing what you are doing then, live at home and just try to do your own thing. Mid-life crisis is like a man going through menopause, the difference, women talk about it and men don’t so they decide to do all these crazy things that we just don’t understand. Try to communicate to him as delicately as you can so he doesn’t take it the wrong way, and if all else fails, just give him time and stay out of the way. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    Please leave comments.

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My kind of Love – Happy Anniversary

    Happy 33rd Anniversary

    Today is my Parents 33rd Anniversary, it amazes me how so many people today are divorced or separated. Whenever I tell people I have an older brother and a much younger sister they always question if it’s from the same father and mother. I always giggle with a response, YES. At first I found it strange for people to ask that question. Like what kind of question is that, of course it’s from the same parents. But as I grew older and saw so many of my friends parents divorced, I realized that it was becoming more common to have divorced parents then it was to have parents who were still married. How sad is that? I think it’s strong willed and strong love that keeps a couple together. No one is ever perfect and in the end we all argue about things in life and sometimes we get so angry with each other that we don’t want to talk, but in the end if we love each other if we just don’t give up, we can find a way to move past it and get back to where we once were.

    Love is unconditional, Love is what you make of it, Love is Love… No one can take away the love unless you let it. Live Life to the fullest and be honest with each other because in the end you only have each other.

    Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad, may you have many more years of patience, love, and happiness. Love you both!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Screw You Cancer! – A story about a little girl

    SCREW YOU CANCER!

    Do you remember Madison Schafer I wrote about her and I still keep up with her progress with Cancer. Madison is only 2 years old and is still fighting Cancer each and every day.

    A new Story:

    I follow Madison’s recovery and with that I found Sierra’s story. A story that has been told by her parents. A story that many of us don’t want to see or hear but a story I believe that many need to know. Cancer is a word we don’t like to hear a word we think will never happen, but when you least expect it, there it is, facing you with the most difficult battles you will ever have to endure.

    Read Sierra’s story and help those other children in the world find a cure:

    SCREW YOU CANCER
    Written by: Gen Chamblee

    I used to see St. Jude’s commercials on TV and thought “I can’t imagine what those parents are going through.” All the kids had the same look to them. They were bald and had something in their eyes that said, “help me.” I never dreamed that my child would end up looking like one of those kids. I am guilty of being one of those people who says, “cancer won’t touch us, it won’t happen to my child.”

    The cemetery where my husband’s father is buried has a section called “The Garden of Angels” and when ever we went to visit his father, I never wanted to drive past that area because of how sad it made me feel that all of those children were gone. Again, I couldn’t imagine. Now my precious daughter is buried there.

    How surreal it is. It’s mind boggling how life happens.

    I still can not believe Sierra is gone. Some days I wake up and expect to hear her sweet, little voice in her bedroom. But then reality hits me that I will never see her face again. Never hear her voice, never see her smile, never give her kisses again. Cancer ripped her away from me. At night all I can do is lay there and replay the moment she passed over and over in my head. It’s in every way possible, complete torture.

    Every time I walk by her empty room, it feels like someone is stabbing me in the heart. I read about her and choke up. It is truly the worst thing that anyone can go through. She will forever be 2 1/2 yrs old. Her pictures on the wall will never change, and all I have are the memories in my mind.

    So many have asked me how I can start up a foundation so soon after Sierra passed? How could I go through pictures of her and sit down to write out her story? That I must be so strong to be able to do such a thing. You want to know how I did it? I’m not strong, I’m angry. Furious. I have never been so mad in my life at anything as I am at cancer. It messed with the wrong family this time.

    I want the world to know who my beautiful Sierra was. I don’t want another parent to feel the pain I feel. The agonizing, ruthless pain of losing a child.

    I have become a different person since January of 2010. I was introduced to the world of childhood cancer in the worst possible way. And now it’s my turn to do as much as possible to open the eyes of everyone who thinks it can’t happen to their child. Because guess what? IT CAN.

    Pumping pure poison into children’s’ growing bodies is appalling. But you know what? It’s one of the only choices you have when the Dr. says, “your child has cancer.”

    It’s so hard to fathom that only 3% of Federal cancer research money goes to childhood cancer. Neuroblastoma gets even less than that. Every single day 46 kids are diagnosed with cancer and 7 of them die each day. Neuroblastoma kills 1 child every 16 hours. And all we can get is 3%? Are you freakin’ kidding me?

    Why are people so hesitant to give? I donated to St Jude’s numerous times before Sierra was ever diagnosed.

    Cancer has no rhyme or reason. It doesn’t discriminate. Not one single person in this world is safe from it. It destroys everything good in this world, and it doesn’t care how old you are or how much money you have.

    I get so angry when I think about it. People don’t realize how prevalent cancer is among children. It’s a world that people don’t want to think about. But it’s time everyone wakes the hell up and opens their eyes. Kids do get cancer and kids do die from it.

    No one knows what Sierra went through on a daily basis.

    Imagine a little girl no heavier than 20 lbs, on a ventilator for 3 ½ months, receiving enough sedation to kill an adult, blood transfusions two times a day, endless x-rays, scans, and IV pokes. Close your eyes and imagine huge amounts of poison being pumped through her veins, and adult poison at that. We have children’s Tylenol and children’s Benedryl, but after all these years, there is no such thing as a children’s chemo drug. Then she went through 9 ½ hours of surgery to extract this horrible thing. She battled pneumonia, and terrifying blood infections. And let’s also mention that she coded on two different occasions. To think though, Sierra never made it to stem cell transplant or radiation. There were SIX pages of side effects for ONE chemo drug.

    These kids fight for their lives, and then have to worry that the cancer doesn’t relapse. If it doesn’t – they truly survived. But, it’s not over. Now every day for the rest of their lives, they have to counter act all of the side effects from treatment. And then on top of that, they still have to worry about secondary cancer. But you want to know what was truly amazing about Sierra and all of these children? They smile every step of the way.

    Childhood cancer is real people. You don’t want to have to learn about it the hard way like I did. You don’t want wait & be holding your child in your arms as they draw their last breath to wake up and fight back.

    It’s totally unacceptable.

    My child was not one of the lucky ones. And unfortunately, many of them aren’t.

    But are you ready to open your eyes? Are you ready to join me and say, “SCREW YOU CANCER?”

    You can see Sierra’s story Here and you can also visit her website Sierrayn.org to donate for a Cure for Cancer.

    You can also Donate to the following Organizations:

    Children’s Cancer

    St. Jude – Cancer

    Children’s Cancer Association

    These are just a few, help find a cure for these children. This story touched my heart, and although I normally try to donate once a year, it made me donate right then and there to St. Judes on the spot. A little goes a long way.

    My prayers go out to Sierra’s family and friends and to all those families who have to suffer every day through cancer. God bless

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    Please send this message out to others. It is so important for our world to be educated and help such a deathly disease. You don’t have to donate only to help, you can help in many other ways. Spreading the word is a start….

  • Everything Happens for a Reason.

    Everything happens for a Reason….

    Sometimes we don’t understand that the things that are happening to us in the moment are reasons we will one day hope to understand. Sometimes we fight for something that just isn’t meant to be. I used to believe in fairy-tales and happily ever afters but after a while you stop believing. You start to wonder if any of it is even true, and if it’s even possible.

    I pictured my life a certain way and when god had other plans I realized that I can’t control fate or life, I can only try to control how I feel about it and I can only control what I will do next to make it better.

    In life I have come to learn a lot at my age. I have gone through more than most and yet so little compared to others. You can never compare what you have gone through in life to what someone else has gone through, because although you may think that what you have gone through wasn’t easy, and I’m sure it wasn’t, what the other person may have gone through could have been worse or just simply another situation that was just as hard. I couldn’t imagine going through the things that I know some have gone through, and I don’t judge but I look at them with honor, and grace in knowing how strong some people can be, how strong some can overcome the odds and become good people.

    There are still things that happen that I have no explanation for, and sometimes I just want to help those who won’t let me in. I feel bad and I feel like I’m pushed against a wall with no where to turn. If that person knew how much I loved them and cared for them they would know that at any time they could come to me, and at any time I would always be there for them. Although I was just like this person I knew when it was time to need someone. I always had my mom that I could count on. Sometimes we need to put our pride away and open up to the people around us that love us and care for us, because in the end they are the ones that will always be there for us.

    Everything happens for a reason, and although I don’t have the answers, one day you we’ll see and understand why it happened. I used to believe in fairy-tales and happily ever afters and although I gave up on that, I still have hope inside that one day I will have my fairy-tale, and one day I will have my happily ever after, because everything happens for a reason.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Sometimes we have hard choices to make…

    Random Thoughts:

    Sometimes we have to make hard choices in life and look for a sign from God, or from the Universe to tell us that what we are doing is okay, that what we are about to do is right, sometimes deep inside we have to trust our feelings and we need to realize that maybe if we need to see a sign, maybe if we need to think about it so much, that maybe that just means it isn’t the right thing to do.

    As we grow older we start to realize the mistakes we have made growing up, the stupid things we used to do when we thought “it won’t happen to me”, and the life lessons that brought us to where we are today. At my age, I can’t say that I have been through it all, because I haven’t and I know that there is so much worse in the world, but at my age I also know that I have been through much more than most. I can’t sit here and cry over the things that have happened and I can’t pretend that they never did (even though some things I wish I could turn back time on), it is what it is, and it has truly made me into the person I am today.

    When you think your world is crumbling down, think about the people out there that have it worse then you, and remember that behind every shut door there is another one waiting to be open.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Pregnant at 16 how do I tell my parents?

    The Question:

    I found out a day ago that I’m preggers. I’m almost 17 and I’m scared. I have no idea how to tell my parents or what to do. HELP!?

    My Response:

    Dear Pregnant Teen;

    Be honest with your parents, lying only makes things worse, and the sooner you figure this out the sooner your relationship with your parents will grow. This is not going to be easy and your parents are going to be upset, and they have every right to be upset, you are 16 and pregnant and this is not going to be easy. You truly have to think about what you are going to do and if you believe or will consider abortion. I do not believe in abortion 100% but under certain circumstances it is necessary. You are only a child and you are going to be raising a child. A child not only involves your attention, it takes a lot of money, formula, diapers, doctor visits, insurance for your child and before that even happens you have to think about your doctor visits and how much that is going to cost. Is the father around, and is he even going to stick around? You may have to do this on your own without his help. If he is around it is not guaranteed that he will stick around after the baby is here. Waking up at all hours of the night and taking care of a child is not a game. Really think about what you want to do and go from there. Be honest with your parents, I am sure that they will help you with whatever you decide, but don’t think for one second they are going to be happy about this. You are their baby and now you are having a baby, and you have to not only think about this child’s health and well being but yours as well as your education and what you are going to be able to do to support this baby. It is a lot to take in and it isn’t easy, but these are the things you should have thought about before getting pregnant. Be honest with your parents is all the advice I can give on how to tell them, there really is no easy way…

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • No anniversary sex?…

    The Question:

    No anniversary sex. Was I wrong to expect a little action from my wife?
    Yesterday was me and my wife’s 1st anniversary. We went to church as usual. I’m a Sunday school teacher so I left before her. After church I go by the store to get the last few thing so I could cook her dinner. Money is tight because I am unemployed so I couldn’t afford to take her out or anything like that. I ended up going to two stores. By the time I got home she was there sitting in the bedroom watching TV or reading a book or something. I spend several hours prepping and cooking dinner. The whole time I may have sat down for about 10 minutes. When it was ready I fixed her plate as well as the kids. We sit down to eat and just being off my feet for that short time when I stood back up my feet were killing me but I kept going. I asked my wife if she wouldn’t mind cleaning up the kitchen and she basically said no because I use too many dishes when I cook. I spent several hours cooking dinner then it took me all of 15 minutes to load the dishwasher and clean the kitchen. Nobody said she had to wash them by hand. All the while my wife has left the bedroom maybe 3 times. She was still relaxing on the bed. After I got the kids in bed and go back to the bedroom me and my wife watch a little more TV then the next thing I know is that she’s hugging her pillow snoring. Let me clear this up. Our kids are teenagers and I just made sure they had their clothes ironed for school the next day and that they turned off everything in the other part of the house. I turn off the TV and that sort of startled her and she wakes up. We’re laying there in the dark and I’m waiting to see if my wife was gonna make any kind of move. She doesn’t. I mean, it was our anniversary and she literally had done nothing all day. What was she tired for? What she tells me is, “why don’t you go on to sleep!”. I then get up and as I’m walking out she asks me what the matter is and I tell her that if she hasn’t figured if out by now then never mind.

    Did she expect me to make the first move? I thought women likes if when a man took on more duties and chores and that gets a woman in the mood? I did all that work and she pretty much rested bur once the kids were in the bed she was too tired. You hear it all the time. A man with a vacuum is a turn on. I guess the problem is this. I typically do most of the cooking anyway so maybe that was really nothing special to her that I cooked yesterday.

    Was I wrong to expect some action on our 1st year anniversary? And ladies, don’t come at me like “well maybe she wanted you to just wait on her this time!”. I do the majority of the cooking in the house anyway.

    Was I wrong to expect sex or at least a little action from my wife?

    My Response:

    Dear House Hubby;

    Let’s start off with the fact that it is your one year anniversary but you have teenage kids? Technically it may be your one year anniversary but I am assuming that you have been together for much longer than a year since you have teenage kids together. With that said, an anniversary is an anniversary, and although you do not have a job at the moment and normally cook, she needs to appreciate the fact that you do a lot around the house and for the kids. You need to sit down with your wife and tell her how you feel. Communication is key and if you do not talk to each other then nothing is going to change. She may think it is okay for you to do everything since you are not working at the moment, but the fact that you cooked, she should have helped clean up and do the dishes. Especially since it was your anniversary and all. I know it isn’t right and I think that your wife should have maybe set something up in the bedroom while you were out there being the ‘house wife’; but you also could have just tried spicing it up in the bedroom; especially after you saw she was not about to do anything. Again, I really think this should have been her move, since she didn’t do anything else the entire night, so I can understand how you are feeling. Talk to your wife, just because you are unemployed at the current moment does not mean she doesn’t have to help you around the house. On another note: Your kids are teenagers, they need to start helping you around the house. You could have had your kids clean up the kitchen so that mom and dad can enjoy their anniversary time together. Find a way to find a balance in your life and in your relationship.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com