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Category: Family

  • How do I deal with my pregnant sister in law?

    The Question:

    She was lazy sarcastic and rude before she was pregnant, now its just gotten way out of hand. She doesn’t help out, the last time the family went dirt bike riding she didn’t lift a finger and then gloated about it by stating ” I didn’t do anything all day” everyone just kind of rolled their eyes. She’s sarcastic, the last time we all went out to dinner no one was talking to me so I started playing a game on my phone and she turned to her husband (my brother) and said I hate it when people are on their phone at the table, and yes it was clearly said so I could hear it, and now shes rude, me and my mom were discussing the baby shower and she started to give us rules and regulations certain games she doesn’t want played what colors we could use, and the last time my mom was talking to her I wasn’t there and she started acting like its an inconvenience saying, do I have to have a shower? My feeling is, if me and my mom are throwing her a baby shower paying for it and all, shouldn’t she just shut up and be Happy? Whats your thoughts?

    My Response:

    Dear Sister In Law;

    Unfortunately it is her shower, whether you guys are throwing it or not, it is a gesture and she does have a say in colors and what she wants to play and doesn’t want to play, however, with that said her being lazy and rude and sarcastic is something totally different and has nothing to do with the shower. I would either talk to your brother first about it, and see what he says. If everyone knows she is being lazy and no one has said anything, then I would just ignore her all together. Family outings try to hang out with other family and away from her negativity. If you can’t help but tell her how you feel, then confront her, remember though she is pregnant so she is probably a little more sensitive than usual, but if she is normally rude and sarcastic and lazy than you know this is who she is and she is married to your brother so there isn’t much you can do about it. I say ignore her, and do what you want, don’t worry about what she says or what she does, you only have to see her when you go on family outings.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Feeling Alone in the World.

    Feeling Alone in the World.

    Ever feel like you just really didn’t belong;
    Like something is different inside you than most?
    Ever feel lost and completely alone?

    You aren’t the only one, you are not the only one who has felt like this and I guarantee that more than 90% of people (statistics made by my opinion – not true statistics), feel this way at least once in their life time, and if you are that other 10% that has never felt this way (I take my hat off to you) and I would love to know your secret to always feeling secure and as if you truly belong, I would love to share your story with those of us who aren’t so lucky to feel that way. (It can be a true inspiration to know how strong some people are and how secure they are with themselves and the world around them).

    Those of us who know what it feels like to feel different, to feel like you just don’t belong knows about the tears and the confusion you feel inside. Do I belong here or there or anywhere? Sometimes in life we just settle, we decide to give in to give up on trying to fit in and feel accepted, and although we have love from family and friends there is always that little piece of hope that maybe one day that feeling of emptiness will just disappear.

    In life comes the ups and the downs and sometimes we just sit back and look at what has happened through out our lives, we look at it as if it was an open book, reading page by page and wondering what will happen when I get to the end of this book? I try not to regret things in life, because you can never turn back time, you can never change the things that have happened and you can never change what was supposed to happen so why regret it, but sometimes I cannot help but wonder if I hadn’t made those mistakes, if I would have just kept moving forward, if my mind thought differently when I was 19 like I do now, or even if those decisions you know you made would have changed your course in life, would it be a better route, or would I have ended up in the same place I see myself now? Decisions that you want to make sometimes are changed by families influence and thoughts of what you would do if they weren’t near, or what they would think or say if you decided to do what you truly wanted to do. Sometimes in life we have other things holding us back, school, jobs, partners, family or friends and at the end of the day we choose what we think will make most people happy, we choose not for ourselves but for others. At the end of the day we need to start choosing for ourselves, we need to see if those who love us will encourage us, if those who love us will comfort us and support us because at the end of the day as time keep moving forward, I have realized more than ever how short life really is, how living in the NOW is so important than living in what can be, or maybe one day, or perhaps in the future…because doing what we really want to do now is our chance to see if what we really want is right in front of us.

    No one is stopping us from feeling accepted, no one is stopping us from being happy and finding love and moving on to bigger and better things, we use our family and friends as excuses but the only one person stopping you from doing what you truly want to do is YOU. Make a change in your life today to choose something that will make you happy. Start with something small, like your family doesn’t like for you to eat chocolate, take a small piece of chocolate and savor it. Start small and move up from there, but remember life is too short to keep waiting, if you love someone tell them, don’t keep waiting and putting off something just because you feel you aren’t completely ready, go for the goal, the light at the end of the tunnel, do what you want for you and live life to the fullest, because at the end of the day we all die, at the end of the day tomorrow is never promised….Live, Love, Laugh…

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • My wife cheated on me years ago, now she’s emailing old Bf’s…

    The Question:

    My wife cheated on me years ago, then I caught her emailing old boyfriends recently…It has been a rough 20 years of marriage. Her family is a bunch of crazy lunatics that have caused so
    much chaos in our lives and also caused it to her brothers family. I know her family bad mouths me to her all the time.My question is: by their constant badgering of her did they cause her to forget her vows and if she has done this so many times and her family is so negative about me then why is she still staying here?

    My Response:

    Dear Blame;

    Stop blaming your wife’s family, your wife’s crazy family has nothing to do with her actions. Your wife chose to cheat on you and she is now choosing to write emails to her ex boyfriends. I can understand that dealing with a crazy family isn’t easy and it doesn’t help the situation if they are bad mouthing you to her all the time, but she has been with you for 20 years for a reason, and if her family hasn’t broken you up by now, it is more than likely that isn’t the reason your marriage might be having problems now. Stop looking at her family and focus on your relationship with your wife. Sit down and talk to her, find out what is going on and why she is emailing her ex boyfriends. Truth be told, after she cheated on you years ago, that should have been a huge sign to get out. Someone who doesn’t respect the person they love isn’t worth staying with. With that said, you stuck it out and you have made it this far, if you really want to save your marriage find out what is going on with your wife, if you feel she may be cheating on you again, then you need to find out the truth and you need to make a choice on what to do here. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Losing the people we love…

    Life’s struggles:

    In life we lose the people we love, sometimes something as simple as a breakup and other times something called forever. We live our lives not realizing that tomorrow is not guaranteed and we take advantage of the people we love. Sometimes we don’t even get the chance to tell them we love them because we had a petty argument. This week I’ve seen a bosses dad pass away, a friends mom and the faith they hold inside, that things really do happen for a reason.

    In the end…

    It’s inevitable to avoid the fact that one day we are going to lose someone we love. Whether it’s our grandparents, our parents, our spouse, and some people lose people they never thought possible, their children. We don’t know why things happen and we don’t know why we have to lose the people we love and go through that pain, but it’s a pain that no one can truly explain, even though at one point in our lives we have all felt it or we are going to feel it one day. Life doesn’t teach us how to deal with losing someone we love, it doesn’t teach us how to cope or how to keep living our lives without them, we just do.

    The day comes…

    The day comes when we have to feel that pain, we have to cry and we have to grieve and we have to keep living without the people we love. This is why it’s so important to not take advantage of the people you love, make sure to tell them you love them and make sure that no matter what happens you are there. For that one split second in time when your life stops, when your heart stops, we grieve for the person we lost, and we hold that sadness inside of us in which we hope will only make us stronger and we continue to live our daily lives without them, because the world doesn’t stop for us, the world doesn’t let us cry on it’s shoulder and it doesn’t let us understand why things happen for a reason. Sometimes we ask why? but there never seems to be an answer, and we keep moving forward. Life stops for no one, so don’t stop living, don’t stop believing and don’t stop telling the people you love that you love them, because at the end of the day, the world keeps moving forward, we keep moving forward.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Follow up on Madison Schafer (Brain Tumor)

    Follow up 11/12/10:

    Today we rejoice, if you are the family of Madison Schafer, if you are a friend, or even if you are a stranger who came to know her story, yesterday the Schafer family found out that the Cancer has finally left Madison’s body. With a few months of not knowing what will happen the family can finally rest in peace knowing that Madison will survive. Miracles do happen, they happen everyday, we just have to have a little faith, a little positiveness in our lives, a little prayer and Miracles do happen. The survival rate for CNS tumors is around 60%, Madison beat those odds and we are so grateful and happy for Madison and her family. Today the Schafer family celebrates that Madison is now Cancer Free! It will still be a year of chemo and radiation, to be sure all or any lingering cancerous cells are wiped out, but the 9% brain tumor IS GONE… and the year 2016 is still the date.. because they say she has to be 5 years after her last chemo without any signs of cancer to be claimed “cancer free”…
    (Schafer). You will pull through Madison you are a strong, beautiful little girl. We will keep you in our thoughts and in our prayers.

    xo
    kristin nicole

    GOD BLESS

    Following up 10/19/10:

    Madison has had a very long day and has been so good. She had 2 of the chemo’s injected into her spine and a spinal tap this morning and is now having 2 of the chemo’s through her port, one of which will be 72 hours long. The Doctor has lessened the strength of the chemo by 45% so her body will be able to handle the dosage better. Her white blood count has dropped rapidly as she started out the day at a count of 12 and is now down to 2.2. Pray for her body to be able to fight any infections.

    Due to the nature of her immune system, Chris and Susie ask that she receive no visitors in the hospital at this time. Hopefully, by the end of this week, she will be back home building back her strength and recuperating.

    Madison did continue to eat solid foods while she was having chemo, which is an excellent sign. And she made her daddy’s day when she ate one of his birthday cupcakes!!! So far, she seems to be handling the chemotherapy, but she still has 3 more days to go.

    PRAY! MAD LOVE! ~Written By: Madisonsstory.com~

    Madison’s Story-

    Update: 09/22/10 – Written By: Diane Schafer:

    “Celebration time.. come on!” Yes, Madison is home and we are so so very happy to have her home with her family. And we can tell, just by her face and body language that she is so happy too!!! What a difference it makes to be in her familiar surroundings and see her bah-bah Colin and mommy and daddy and Nona and Angel and Grammy all together. Popop had to deliver their dog, Charlie to our dear friends house who will take care of their dog until Maddie is better, so Popop will get to see Maddie at home soon.

    Madison came home to balloons and roses and a HUGE “Welcome Home Madison” sign on the front lawn which was printed by Vivian and her husband… what a special surprise for us all. I think I have heard Susie and Chris repeatedly say “It is so good to be home” … probably at least 20 times so far. Everyone will sleep good tonight. Nothing like a fresh shower at your own home. Madison had a nice warm bubble bath when she got home and everyone took a turn holding her. She hasn’t fallen asleep yet, because I don’t think she wants to miss a thing. Her Aunt (Titi) Claudia arrives tonight, so she will have plenty to keep her busy.

    She gets one whole day off from treatments and chemo. Friday she will be back to the hospital for a spinal injection of chemo and some other tests, so it might be another long day as an out patient. Physical and speech therapy will begin and daily shots at home will start and then a regular routine of out-patient chemo therapy. It is still a long road.. but it will be a ROAD TO RECOVERY. We have faith that God has a plan and Madison will be healed. The power of prayer is awesome and we can’t thank you enough for continuing to keep Madison in your prayers, as we know this is only the beginning of Madison’s Miracles.

    All our love, the Schafers and Navas.

    My thoughts:

    I am so happy that Madison is finally home with her loving family. This family is extremely strong and I think they will pull through this just fine. My prayers will continue for Madison and her family & I hope that you will do the same.

    Remember you can help donate to help pay the medical bills or help send gift cards for food etc. to Madison Scahfer.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    Below were earlier updates and what is going on with Madison

    Update: 09/21/10 – This is the condition that Madison has:


    General Information About Atypical Teratoid/Rhabdoid Tumor

    Central nervous system atypical teratoid/rhabdoid tumor is a disease in which malignant (cancer) cells form in the tissues of the brain.

    Central nervous system (CNS) atypical teratoid/rhabdoid tumor (AT/RT) is a very rare, fast-growing tumor of the brain and spinal cord. It usually occurs in children younger than three years of age, although it can occur in older children and adults.

    About half of these tumors form in the cerebellum or brain stem. The cerebellum is the part of the brain that controls movement, balance, and posture. The brain stem controls breathing, heart rate, and the nerves and muscles used in seeing, hearing, walking, talking, and eating. AT/RT may also be found in other parts of the central nervous system (brain and spinal cord).


    Update: September 18th – DAY ONE CHEMO:     Written by Diane Schafer

    Today has been a long and difficult day for Maddie. She had about 4 procedures done this morning, including cat scan, all kinds of base line tests, blood, eyes, hearing, vital signs etc. Then she had a spinal tap and then 30 minutes of chemo. She was brought back up to the room and actually looked great. She was wide awake and smiling and responding. But then after awhile she threw up twice, but then she was ok. She hasn’t napped but looked pretty tired… duh… who wouldn’t be. Now she is getting a ultra sound on both legs because the morning cat scan showed a spot on one leg, which might be a clot. She is such a trooper and only cries when a nurse comes in the room to do more tests… she is smart too, cause she knows they are up to something. They are going to do 8 hours of chemo next and then tomorrow they will do 24 hours of chemo, then a day of rest (ummmm it’s about time) and then 72 hours of chemo. The adage,” life is not fair” comes to mind when I see all that little Maddie is going through… no parent should have to watch their little child suffer. But I know there is hope in her future and many more daily victories in store for the Schafers. I am so appreciative of the many messages I am receiving from other parents who had a child with cancer and are now celebrating 5 years of cancer free life. I even heard from a mom whose child had the exact same rare cancer as Madison and had the proton treatment and had such encouraging words of hope as her child has fought and won the battle and is cancer free. Please continue to spread the word of Madison’s Story, and in 2016 we will pop the champagne cork and throw a huge party… because that is when the Doctor said Madison will be cancer free!

    (The story)
    Madison’s Grandmother Diane, sent me a beautiful thank you note on Face-Book for posting about Madison on my website.

    Her strength that she portrays in her writing is remarkable. It amazes me how people can be so strong and have such faith in God to pull us through, it is not only an inspiration but an eye opener to people who think their world is falling apart around them. In times of hardship we sometimes close ourselves off and we forget that there are people out there that care, there are people out there with compassion and understanding. Today I wanted to post the update on Madison that her grandmother Diane posted from her facebook.

    UPDATE on Madison:

    As most of you know either from us directly or through facebook, our grand-daughter, Madison, 20 months old, was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor. She is the daughter of our son, Chris and wife Susie and has a 5 yr. old brother Colin. One of the questions we are asked most often, is how or why did we know to check for a tumor? Or what were the signs?

    Briefly, Madison was just fine until about a week ago when she started showing signs of a cold, cranky, slept a lot and cried a lot, which definitely was not her personality. Susie had taken her to the pediatrician and he said it was a small ear infection and 4 new teeth were coming in…. take antibiotics and it will be fine. But after a few days it was getting worse, so they took her to an Urgent Care emergency and they said the same thing. Thursday morning, Ethel (Susie’s mom) had Madison and she looked worse and lethargic and her eyes were “rolling around” in their sockets, and she looked dazed. Ethel said this isn’t right and took her to Baptist Hospital ER. Fortunately the ER doctor saw the signs of the eyes rolling around and said she should have a CAT scan and that is when the very large tumor was seen in her brain. Almost 2 1/2 inches in her tiny little brain. Everything from that point on was fast and she was rushed to an MRI for a 3-D image of the tumor and by 10:00pm that same night she was undergoing 7 hours of brain surgery. They were able to remove 90% of the tumor, but the final 10% could not be removed and is cancerous. Tomorrow, Wednesday, they hope to get back the results as to what kind of cancer it is and how aggressive, so they will know what type of chemo treatment she needs. Tomorrow they will do a 3rd MRI to be sure there is no other cancer in her spine or other parts of her body, and they will also do surgery to implant a port for the chemo.

    Needless to say, our world has been turned upside down, but by the Grace of God, she has shown remarkable progress in her recovery. We truly believe God has been with us every step of the way, as there have been so many “Godinstances” of things just falling into place to make things happen; like the ER Doctor being on that shift when he wasn’t suppose to be there because his daughter had died of a tumor one week earlier and knew to request a CAT scan because of what had just happened to his daughter, and the newly hired neuro-surgeon who had already done 3 brain surgeries that day and was suppose to go home, but was still there for Madison at 10:00pm. There are so many more stories, but God knows each and everyone of them and we just praise him.

    FINALLY, I would like everyone to share this link with everyone else they know and spread the word. Madison’s pre-school, “Kids for Kids Academy”, has set up a link on their website for support and updates about Madison. Please click the following link and leave a comment for Chris and Susie.

    (Story above written by: Diane Schafer)

    You can help donate HERE.

    My thoughts:

    When I read about Madison all the small problems like worrying about school, or a little neck ache don’t compare, it reminds me to stop complaining and to just deal with life, because there are worse things that can happen. Like poor Madison who is only 20 months old, diagnosed with a brain tumor that is cancerous. There are always worse things out there, we just have to remember to take the bad with the good, have faith, remember that god is there for us and that he will pull us through. I truly believe everything happens for a reason, I don’t think that a child or family should have to suffer this way, and I don’t know why the reasons are what they are, but you have to be grateful for the small things, like Diane said the ER doctor wasn’t even supposed to be there because his own daughter just passed away from a brain tumor a week prior, yet he was there, and he noticed the signs that his daughter had, and if it hadn’t been for him, maybe another doctor would have diagnosed Madison with the same thing the other two doctors had diagnosed her with (teething and an ear infection). If he didn’t order that CAT scan… (well we don’t even want to go there), and the Surgeon who was already there, ready to go home after 3 surgeries, how he pulled through and continue to do what he does (save lives). These are the kind of the doctors we have to be thankful for, thankful to god for putting them in our world to make it better. God bless you Madison and my prayers are with you and your family.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    Update: 09/17/10 – Madison’s Grandmother wrote on her Face-book wall: I’m aware now!!! Madison was diagnosed with a very rare cancer that affects only 1% of cancer patients, called AT/RT. she begins Chemo tomorrow. (Written 09/16/10)

    More Updates as I hear or see them …. God bless

  • November Rain – Dedication to Veteran’s Day

    November Rain

    Today it rains on my parade
    Today the clouds come out to play
    Today like any other day is November Rain.

    I sit there by the window
    waiting for the phone
    waiting to hear about my husband
    who is out there in the war…

    I sit here in my room
    coloring on the walls
    wondering if my daddy
    will be able to tuck me in at all…

    I remember playing ball,
    I remember our first dates,
    I remember when we used to argue
    I remember his face.
    I wonder where he is,
    And I wish that I was there
    My older brother is my hero
    I just couldn’t bare…

    I sit here looking at the pictures
    remembering my son grow up
    I would have never imagined he would grow up to fight for us all.
    My son is a hero he left that November day
    He looked me in the eyes and said
    Mama, everything will be okay…

    I looked into his eyes, and told him I was proud
    but deep down inside I wanted to hold him down.
    I wanted to yell, please don’t go
    Do yo know how dangerous it is out there?
    Do you know some boys don’t come back home?
    I kissed him on the cheek and gave him a great big hug
    with tears in my eyes I said goodbye…

    I put on my brave eyes and told him I loved him
    That day it rained on my parade
    That day the clouds came out to play
    That day became November Rain.

    Mama please don’t cry
    but today is the day I go to war
    today is the day I fight for our country
    Please be brave, I’ll be alright but I have to do this
    It’s only right.

    My wife is waiting at home, I hold pictures of her at night,
    My child is waiting with tears in her eyes, I wish I can hold her tight. My brothers and sisters I miss so much I wish I can see them now,
    My mother is praying for me to come home,
    I wish I can call her now.

    I’ll never get that chance now,
    I did what I needed to do
    I fought for my country and died,
    but I believed in the Red, White and Blue.

    We stand strong,
    We live strong,
    It’s the way of a soldier.

    Today it rains on my parade
    Today the clouds come out to play
    Today like any other day is November Rain.

    ~Dedicated to all the Veterans, all the Soldiers who have passed, and all the Soldiers who are still out there risking their lives for us each and every day~

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    © written by: kristin nicole – 11/11/10~

  • Advice for living with a depressed person?

    The Question:

    My fiance is a manic depressive. We were engaged for 5 yrs, had a son. I was working full time 70 miles away from home, he was unemployed, staying home with the kids. The unemployment made him feel worthless and he stopped doing things around the house, was down 24/7, snippy, grouchy, etc. It got to the point where I left the house at 4am for work, got home at 6pm, and had to cook dinner, do laundry, bathe the kids, etc. I tried to help him, talk to him, love him. Nothing worked. He wouldn’t go to counseling because he didn’t have insurance, and he wouldn’t let me pay for it. After about a year or so, I couldn’t take it any more. I told him to move out. He left with nothing. He had no where to go. I felt horrible, but I felt like I had to do it to keep MY sanity and give my kids a good life. Flash forward. For the next “single” year of my life, I saw my ex-fiance at least 4 days a week. He would come to the house to see the kids, but he would spend most of his time telling me how much he loved me, how he had changed, and how he wanted his family back. He even admitted himself to a mental hospital for a few weeks and got on some meds. I am a pretty stubborn, independent woman, but after a year of this constant barrage of love and adoration, I gave in. I don’t want my kids to come from a broken home. My parents were married for 35 yrs before my dad passed. I thought I could make it work. It’s been 2 months. And about a month of that has been him being very insecure and depressed and just, well, weird. I am seriously considering just giving up. I don’t think I am a strong enough person to deal with an illness of this sort. He stopped taking his meds again because he doesn’t have insurance at his new job. I feel like a horrible person for not being able to deal with all this. I am afraid he will hurt himself if I make him leave again. His side of the family doesn’t really help him out, they don’t ever seem to see how serious things are. I guess I just need advice/opinions/and I’m sure I’ll get some haters.

    My Response:

    Dear Caregiver;

    You are in a hard position, because you have kids with this man I can understand not wanting them to grow up in a “broken home”, however with that said, is it any better for them to see their dad depressed all the time and acting the way he does and seeing you upset about it? It’s a hard decision and you have made it before, but I don’t find it selfish of you for thinking about yourself and your family before thinking of him. You can’t babysit him and if he can’t take control of his illness and find a way to take the medication to stay stable then there may be no hope for the two of you. Talk to him and explain to him that he needs to figure out how to get the medication or he needs to leave again. I know many people may find it selfish of you, or as if you were giving up, but sometimes we can’t control things in life, and we can’t fix them. You are an independent women and you will be fine; give him your support as a friend, and if you are truly madly in love with him, try to find a way to work things out, if you are staying with him just because of the kids, then re-evaluate your relationship and find a way to either stay together or move on. Living in a home with someone who is constantly depressed, insecure and so forth isn’t healthy for the children either, and don’t you think that is almost the same thing as a “broken home”?

    They will still have their father in their lives, and you will still be there for him as a friend, but you cannot stay with someone just because you feel bad for them. Live your life too, you deserve to be happy.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Daughter pregnant, husband raping the dog, I cheated in retaliation?

    The Question:

    I came home from work and saw my husband with dog biscuits all over him and with his penis in my dog’s ***. He cheated on me with animal rape. My daughter’s pregnant apparently to a 22 year old. My hubby and I kinda encouraged our daughter to get pregnant. I cheated on my husband with an 18 year old sweetie. My hubby doesn’t know. I’m 45, my hubby’s 43, my daughter’s 13. We don’t want a divorce we love each other. My daughter doesn’t want an abortion and wants to move in with the guy. What are our options?

    My Response:

    Dear Dysfunctional;

    Is this for real? To be honest with you lets start with your husband – EWE!!! You actually want to stay with him after this? Second your Daughter – You ENCOURAGED HER?!? She’s 13??? I’m sorry seriously, is this a real question? How can anyone encourage a 13 year old to get pregnant, and then be upset that she is actually pregnant. If you don’t want your daughter to be with this 22 year old then you should have not pushed her towards him, and if you really want to you can always press charges, because any man who wants to sleep with a 13 year old is just a pedophile in my book. You need to sit down with your daughter (and although I don’t encourage abortion) she needs to know what really comes with having a baby at the age of 13. As for you cheating in “retaliation”, REALLY? & an 18 year old??? I think in all honesty that you all need counseling, and I am saying this with sincere thoughts… Your options: Regarding your marriage – Separation, Divorce, MAJOR Counseling. Regarding your Daughter: Pressing Charges on this “boyfriend”, Talking to your Daughter about the options and what it will be like to have a baby at 13, MAJOR Counseling.

    Good luck!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • They want to marry me off but I’m already in love…

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I’m in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 5 years and we decided that we want to get married. My mother knows everything about him and kept saying that I needed to leave him because my dad would never approve of him. (I am from Delhi) I never listened to my mother and I stayed with my boyfriend. I met his family and they all accepted me, then one day my parents told me that they wanted to marry me off. My mom told my dad everything about my relationship and how long I had been with him, and now he is so angry that he doesn’t want to see me, they do not agree with my relationship and say it’s an affair, he is not good enough due to making less money then they do. They want me to leave him but I can’t live without him and I do not want to marry any other man. They said if I want to marry him that I can, but I would have to leave the house and have no relationship with them ever again. My boyfriend wants to just leave and get married and take me away from my family but he doesn’t understand that I cannot just get up and leave them, they are my family, they are the only thing I’ve ever known. My family will be in great pain if I just leave them. I am caught in between and I don’t know who to choose.
    I’m really depressed about this because I can’t bare to live without my boyfriend. Please tell me what to do?

    I also want to mention one more thing here that our kundlis do not match and he belongs to a different caste; and the big problem I am facing is that I can’t run from home thinking that my parents have done a lot for me until now and if I run, how will they face the world? They will die with this act of mine, so I can’t leave my parents just like that; but my boyfriend is forcing me to run from home. I am not able to understand that; how should I handle both sides? I am really trapped in between my parents and my boyfriend. Please try helping me out.

    ~In Between

    My Response:

    Dear In Between;

    To my understanding you are in love with a man that your parents don’t approve of due to him not making enough money (that meets their standards), Religion (because you stated they wanted to marry you off to someone else) and they want you to marry a man you don’t love? You have to choose between your family or your boyfriend who you want to marry? You have been with him for 5 years but your father never knew about it? This is and was your first mistake. I understand that in your religion or culture that it is very different, but communication and honesty is key. You have a big decision to make and unfortunately I can not tell you what to do. You need sit down with your father and mother, explain to them that love to you is so much more important and that you love this man, you want to spend the rest of your life with him but that you do not want to loose your families respect nor their love or relationship with you. Your happiness means a lot and your happiness should mean a lot to them as well. I know that it is very difficult because your father is probably very stubborn and very true to his religion/culture and what you are doing is probably an embarrassment of some sort or disrespect. Unfortunately we cannot help who we fall in love with.

    If you talk to your parents and they are still making you choose then you have to make a decision. Also talk to your boyfriend, explain to him that this is not an easy decision, although you love him and want to spend your life with him, you can not just run away with him and leave your family behind to never reunite with them. You need time to talk to your family first; and to make a decision. Maybe your father will agree to a meeting with your boyfriend so that he can meet him and his family. You said that your kundlis do not match? and you belong to different caste? Is this a religion or this is a horoscope (I am confused)? You may not be able to convince either party to compromise, and this is when you will be faced with one of the hardest decisions in your life. Do you choose LOVE, or do you choose Family. Family will always be there for you, they will always love you even if they are making you choose love over family and they are your family. Love, love sometimes only truly comes around once, and sometimes we have to really think; can we give up everything for the one person we love? Can we give up what we have known all our lives because of love? Love comes and goes sometimes and although sometimes we feel there is only that one true love, love comes in many ways and forms and there is always love out there. This is something you have to decide, but take your time and try talking to your family and your boyfriend again before making such a hard choice.

    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • I abuse my wife, what should I do?

    The Question:

    MARITAL HELP!!!! PLEASE!!!!?

    Me and my wife, Petunia, just got into a huge fight. I remember tossing her across the room onto a glass table. She ceases to breath and is bleeding profusely out of her mouth. Perhaps I threw her to hard and perhaps she is faking. Can someone help me out?

    My Response:

    First off… ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? You got into an argument with your wife and you threw her across the room and she landed on a glass table and is bleeding and you think she might be faking it? The only help you need is anger management courses. You could have easily killed your wife, there is no reason any man should touch his wife in an abusive manner, I don’t care what the fight is about. If you can’t handle it walk away and take a break for a while until you can talk like human beings to one another. If your wife doesn’t call the cops on you for abuse then I don’t know what else to tell you.

    You definitely need help, and you aren’t going to find answers here, you need to truly get help some where if you are abusing your wife in this manner. I would start with calling the ambulance or taking her to the hospital if she is bleeding badly.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com