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Category: Family

  • I blamed my fiance for our childs death!!

    The Question:

    I am 26 and engaged to my fiance who I have been with since I was 19 years old, (engaged for 2yrs). We have a 2 year old daughter and I had our second child, a son, the started off this year with a really bad liver. We both started fighting as our son couldn’t leave the hospital and I would turn on him for the littlest things, he would always tell me how much he loves me & how he needs us, he grew up in a hard upbringing and I grew up with hard working parents. After one of our arguments he left our house in a temper & got arrested for aggravated assault, He is serving 15 years and is up for parole in 2. I felt like my world was coming down on me. My son died 6 weeks ago and I went to see my fiance & I blamed him for his death & for not being here for me and his daughter. He just looked at me and said that he knows I don’t mean that, that I just need someone to blame and that he loves me. His mom said he is distraught he has been put on anti-depressants, he always told her how much he loved me, the thing is, he is his own worst enemy, and he reacts before he thinks. He told me last week that he knows its selfish of him but he wants me to wait for him as he cant stand the thought of me being with somebody else. I don’t know deep down if I can deal with knowing the man I love & want to marry will be in prison for that amount of time. I have a really good job that keeps me busy but my mind always goes back to thinking about it, Any advice would be great

    My Response:

    Dear Fiance;

    It is a hard decision to make. On one hand he wasn’t there for you while your son died and that’s the time you needed him the most. He may only be in Jail for 2 years but the choice that you have to make here is one (can you wait for him for 2 years or more) and two (he’s actually going to prison, is this the type of man you want to spend the rest of your life with) a man who can not control his temper, a man who runs from his problems when things get hard? Granted you said you got upset at him a lot and sometimes that happens with couples who are going through hard times, especially in the situation that you were in, you have to realize that this wasn’t easy for him either and he too lost a son. A lot of girlfriends/fiance/wives wait for their men to get out of jail (depending of course on what they did). If you really love him and this is the one person you truly want to spend your life with, then wait, but if you are blaming him for your son’s death, that is something you truly need to get passed before being with him. Your son was sick and it was not your fiance’s fault, however I understand being angry at him for not being there with you during this time. He definitely should have at least been there with you guys. No one can really tell you what to do here, you have to first forgive him in order to move forward with him and you have to then truly decide if this is the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with. You are still young and you have choices in life, sit back and take a look at everything that has happened, maybe even write down on a paper all the good things about him and all the bad and weigh them out, if at the end you just know you love this man and want to spend the rest of your life with him, then it’s your choice to wait for him, but remember he’s up for parole in 2 years, that doesn’t necessarily mean he will be out in 2 years (can you wait that long)? And most importantly can you forgive him for not being there with you when your son passed away? I am truly sorry for your loss.

    Good luck

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My brother is interfering in my life…

    The Question:

    I am a divorced 43 years old woman with 3 children. Should I say to my brother not to interfere in my life?

    I am a divorced 43 years old woman with 2 sons and 1 daughter. I have a 29 year old brother who is very strict with my kids who live only a few blocks from the house. He is strict with my children regarding studies, discipline, neatness, manners and just recently he scolded my daughter who is 18 years old because she came late from a party at 2 in the morning. My daughter got angry and told me that her uncle doesn’t have any rights to interfere in our lives. I know that my brother loves me and my children, he is the one who was there with me when I was divorced, but do you think it is wrong of him to interfere in my life and my childrens life as they are old now. Should I say to my brother not to interfere in my life? What would you do if you were in my place, would you say to your brother not to interfere in your life?

    My Response:

    Dear Sister and Mother;

    I think that you are a grown women, and I think that your brother only wants what is best for your children, but if you feel that your brother is interfering just a little too much in their lives then you have every right to tell him to back off a little. Sit down with your brother and explain to him that you are grateful to have him has a brother, and that you are grateful for him being there for you through the divorce but that you feel he is acting too tough with your children. You do not mind him giving you his opinion but you need for him to back off just a little and let you handle your children on your own. Tell him he is a great uncle and brother but that the children are feeling like he is trying to almost replace their dad in their lives. Don’t take it the wrong way if he replies to you harshly, he might take this in the wrong way, but if he’s the brother you are portraying him to be (caring and loving) then he’ll get over it. It is your life and your children’s lives and if he is trying to discipline them, that is your job and your job alone. Just sit down with him and tell him how you feel, I’m sure he will understand. Just don’t feel bad telling him, this is your life and your children’s lives, you have every right to tell him to just back off a little. I have a brother, and if I was in your shoes, I would tell him in the kindest ways I know how to just back off a little, and I am sure he would understand.

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My mum is having an affair i have seen letters from another man to prove it what should i do?

    The Question:

    Hey I’m 18 and have a little sister who is 14 and wondered if you could help. Well about a year ago my sister wanted to speak to me about something and that’s when she told me that mum was having an affair because she had seen messages on her phone and she just broke down in my arms and just cried and this has been going on ever since. I dint know what to do so i told my dad about this. Every Friday she says that she goes out with friends for a meal but we don’t believe this and think that she is going to see him. And every time my sister has baton twirling she tends to go out and say that she is either going for a walk or going shopping on her own which is something she has never done. Every time she gets a text she hides it and even takes her phone with her everywhere she goes. But when i manage to get a chance i always have a look at her phone and find messages from him. I found the letters at the weekend which had some awful things on there, and they have been together a year i think in may. And we all know that it is a person that she works with baring in mind apparently he is married with two children just like my mum is. I just feel really sorry for my dad in a way because he has never done anything to deserve this i just don’t understand. I always try to confront her about it but she constantly denies it which i think is one of the reasons that there are constant arguments around the house. My dad knows but will not do anything all he keeps telling me is that he is biding his time. What should i do leave it to my dad or confront her myself, but beforehand when i spoke to her about it she just said that he was a really close mate. I’m so scared to confront her though as i don’t want to break the family up. Please someone help what should i do?

    My response:

    Dear stuck in the middle;

    This is something that no teenager or daughter/son should have to deal with it. This is something your parents have to deal with on their own. I know it’s hard, but you already confronted your dad about it, and he already knows something is going on. I know it’s hard to just sit back and watch all this happen, watch your family fall apart, while you sit back and do nothing. The thing is, no matter what you try to do, there really isn’t anything you can do. Your parents are adults and they know what they are doing. Your mother knows that what she is doing is wrong, but she continues to do it, and go back home and pretend everything is fine, when everyone in that house knows it isn’t. Your dad knows what’s going on but he can be either in denial or he doesn’t know how to approach the situation. It’s hard for a person to find out that their spouse is cheating on them, it’s not easy to take that all in, especially when he has a family to think about. He may be thinking that he’s staying with your mom because of you girls, and that he doesn’t want to hurt you guys, but what he doesn’t realize is, that staying is hurting you guys more, because the both of you already know what’s been going on for more then a year, and you sit back and have to see your dad in pain. Talk to your dad again and tell him how you feel. If it makes you feel better, then I say go ahead and talk to your mom. Let her know that you know, that to stop lying and hiding it from you. I don’t know what these letters you found said so I am assuming it’s hard evidence into your mothers affair. If this is the case, then like I said, if it will help you sleep a little better confronting your mother, go for it. Just know that this may not change things, she may still deny it, unless you catch her in the act, where she can’t deny it any longer, confront your dad, and tell him that you don’t want to live this lie anymore, it’s only hurting your family more. I know you don’t want to break the family up, but know that you aren’t, none of this was ever or will ever be your fault or your sisters or your fathers. Your mom knows what she is doing, and she is the only one breaking up your family by doing this. It’s hard and painful and I am sorry that you have to go through this, BUT sit down with your parents and tell them how you are feeling. Keeping things inside, pretending it isn’t happening isn’t going to make things better. Standing up and saying how you feel isn’t going to make it your fault if your parents separate, the only person to blame is the person who cheated. Be patient, I know right now it feels like things can’t get any worse, and you feel helpless, but life will get better. Good luck and I hope that your family can work things out.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My dad is a bit of a drinker?

    The Question:

    My dad has always been a bit heavy with the alcohol and me and my family have noticed he gets angry when he drinks. He gets real abusive by telling me I’m fat or I’m not good enough in some way and yells saying how I’m not good enough. Afterwords he says he only does it because he loves me and wants the best for me. Today he came home drinking again and he practically sits on me on the lounge I did swear at him so he hits me over the head. Then I do retaliate by swearing at him more and he goes for a face slap but instead hits my nose, it was hard and it hurt. What to do?

    Additional Details

    I’m a 16 yr old girl and he wont go to therapy….

    My Response:

    Dear abused;

    This is a hard position to be in because you are only 16, and you shouldn’t be the one having to take care of this. Where is your mother in all this? If your mom is around, you need to talk to your mom and tell her how this is affecting you. No person, not even a parent has the right to verbally abuse or physically abuse someone. There are options though. First if your mom is around she needs to sit with your dad and tell him with you there, how you all feel about his drinking (you need to tell him this when he is sober). Some places offer interventions to try and have him commit himself into a facility for Alcoholics. If you do not have a mom around then you can try talking to him again and explaining to him how much this is hurting you, and that he needs to get help. Do you have other family members that can help you, somewhere you can go when he’s drinking? A child under the age can always get legally emancipated from their parents. (You can get more information about this here www.larcc.org

    If you can go live with another family member until your dad realizes what he is doing to you, perhaps this is your best choice at the moment. Your dad needs help, and right now you may be only getting a little slap and emotional abuse here and there, but things can escalate, and you need to find a way to let your dad know how you feel. Remember just because he does not want to quit does not mean he does not love you, alcoholic abuse is very dangerous and some people do not know how to get sober on their own.

    I hope this helps a little.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • This is it… This is Life…

    Random Thoughts:

    Sometimes in life, life brings you unexpected news, or events in life that you never thought would happen. I sometimes wonder why things happen and I try to see that each event is only a lesson to be learned, but when that lesson involves someone dieing, what is the lesson in that? Perhaps it is not a lesson but a journey we have to go through to live and learn from. I rather not live through these times, I rather not know what it is to lose someone and I rather just forget what it felt like to love them. Wouldn’t it be so much easier if the pain we felt just disappeared with any memories of that person or pet or loved one? “Missing someone or something is sadness”. (kristin nicole)

    Each time you lose someone you almost lose a piece of yourself. If I were to count all the pieces I’ve lost, what’s left? Each time a sad moment pops up into your mind try to distract yourself, try to think of something positive something that makes you happy. As a human we tend to have more negative thoughts than positive ones, because it is easier for us to see ourselves fail than to see ourselves actually succeed. Why is that? Why do we think so negatively and why do we lose faith in life?

    Once upon a time, I lost faith, I lost hope, I lost love and I lost myself. Growing up I can not say I didn’t feel love, I can not say that I didn’t have love, family, or friends, but I can say that at one point in my life when things got hard I lost myself, and when I lost myself I lost faith and hope. I almost forgot what it was to be happy, to feel true love. When life gives you hardship, there is always a way out, there is always hope and there is always something out there better for you, you just have to believe. I believed that this was it, that what I felt was all there was, then for that one second I stood in my room and I closed my eyes, tears fell, and I realized that this can’t be it. If this was it, then why am I here, there has to be more than just ‘THIS’? There is always more, I have talked to people who have gone through worse things than I have, and I have read stories about people who have struggled all their lives, and that’s when you have to sit back for a moment and realize that maybe, just maybe the life you are living isn’t that bad.

    I have lost, I have gained, I have laughed and I have cried, but with all that, I have lived.

    Each part of me that you know is a part of me that loves, a part of me that wants only better, the part of me that has changed has been from life, and each of us has changed and grown from our experiences. You may not look at it the same way I do, but I promise you that there will always be at least one moment in your life that you will always remember, that one moment in life that you stop and say “THIS IS IT”….

    xo
    kristin nicole

  • Yesterday I was arguing with my dad & I hit him…

    The Question:

    Okay so yesterday I was arguing with my dad and we got into it pretty bad and… I smacked him as hard as I could in the face, and he started crying! I started to laugh because I never seen my dad cry before not like that…..Just wondering if I took it too far? What should I do? This isn’t the first time this has happened. Where I smacked him, it’s been on several occasions but I can’t control my anger, and I just did this same thing last week! Should I feel bad? Because I really don’t! I am enjoying the rest of my night drinking, hanging out back in my house after the fight, and I feel good right now. I am 28 and he is 86! Let me know your opinion please.

    Additional Details
    I mean he deserved it, he was talking crap and making me mad so I busted him in the freaken mouth….A little blood busted his lip pretty good, but he’ll be alright. Just another day in paradise couldn’t ask for more.

    My Response:

    Dear Smacked;

    I think you need to get help on your anger issues and I think that what you are doing is not only cruel to your father but just plain out mean! You are taking advantage of your Dad, being 86 years old and the fact that he doesn’t turn around and smack you in the face right back just astonishes me. If I were your dad, I would have not only smacked your a@# back but I would have told you that if you cannot control your anger to get out of my house. You live in his house right? If you do not like his rules you are 28 years old, get out and live on your own. What you are doing to your dad is not only wrong but abusive. You need to control your anger now before it gets worse. This is not OKAY and this NOT Normal behavior. I don’t care if he called you 10 million names and put you down, that does not make it okay to smack your dad in the mouth and make him bleed. You are very lucky that your dad does not hit you back or kick you out of his home. Good luck with taking care of that anger, I really hope you do because you are going down the wrong path.

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answer.Yahoo.com

  • RIP Oz – You will always be my baby!

    I knew how much it hurt to lose a dog before, her name was Tessy. I grew up with her since I was 6-7 years old and I was about 16 when we found out she had cancer and we had to put her to sleep. That was different. This was different.

    Last Picture Taken of Oz RIP
    Last Picture Taken of Oz RIP

    I got Oz when he was only about 2 months old, he was the one dog sleeping close to his mom and I should have known he would be a mama’s boy. I took him home and he cried for hours only until I would lay him on top of me to hear my heart beat would he stop crying. Oz was a terror, I’m not going to lie. He would climb the gate I put up for him in the laundry room, tear up anything in site, he chewed through my A/C cord and I had to replace it with no A/C for a few days, he would pee when he would see you from excitement and he never learned to behave in his kennel, even making a whole big enough to escape, he also escaped from the kennel that had only one hinge, we called him Houdini. But Oz was something special, I am not saying he was cute because he was my dog, but anyone who met Oz just thought he was so handsome. He had a look to him that no other Miniature Dachshund had. He was the most loving dog you would ever meet, when he kissed you he would start crying from all the emotions he had inside, some may say he was neurotic I say he was SPECIAL!

    The worse part of this all is that he had been living with my mom for the past 3 years, and the last year he was 247 with them. I couldn’t keep him with me because I didn’t have a place to take him to and I was looking and searching for a home so I can finally take him with me. The last time I saw him was this past week that I spent with him, and I feel like I didn’t give him enough attention. It feels so unreal that he’s gone so unreal that he was taken from us in such a way. Those who know me know how it happened, but I am choosing not to discuss it on my blog. Just know that no animal should ever have to die the way he did, and although the vets say he didn’t suffer I cry knowing I wasn’t there for him. My mom and my sister had to endure the pain of seeing him and finding him and I feel bad that they were the ones that had to go through that. My sister took care of Oz, and loved him like her own and I am so grateful that he got that love from her, that he was there for her and her for him. I am so sorry Alex that you had to see him that way and that you have to go through such pain, just remember that he loved you and that now he is with Tessy in heaven. I love you and I want to thank you for taking good care of Oz while he was with us. I want to thank my mom too for taking care of him and watching him for me when I couldn’t. I am sorry Mom that you had to see him that way and just know that it was no ones fault. We can all live with the “WHAT IF’S” in life, but it is not going to change that he gone and we cannot blame ourselves for something that we did not know was going to happen.

    I thought I knew pain, but this pain is so much different. Oz wasn’t just a pet or a dog that you had, he was my family, he was my baby. I would tell people did you see my son? And they would look at me like ” you have a kid” and I would show them Oz’s picture. 🙂

    Oz was my baby, he will always be my baby and no one can ever replace you in my heart! I love you papuchi and I will always remember and miss you.

    Precious with Oz
    RIP Oz

    Me and Oz when he was a baby – I’m going to miss you xo

    xo
    kristin nicole

  • Fathers Day Ideas 2010

    Fathers Day is around the corner, do you have anything planned to do with your Dad on Father’s Day? Any gift ideas? If you have any good ideas please share with us….

    What to do…

    This year I’m going to celebrate Father’s Day on Saturday 06/19/10 because my parents are leaving to Sarasota for a week with my brother, his wife and kids. I am not going because I had a planned trip to Louisiana the following week. So on Saturday our plan is to go somewhere and eat something my dad as always loved… BREAKFAST! We will have breakfast, I’ll give him his gift and off they will go to there nice ONE WEEK Vacation on the beach. (Oh life is good). On Father’s Day we will still be spending it with my boyfriends Dad. We aren’t sure yet what we will be doing. I will either cook something at the house, or perhaps they will drive up to where we are to go out to dinner. Thoughts are still in the air. Any good restaurants in Pembroke Pines, FL that you know of, please let me know.

    Gift Ideas:

    So gifts for a dad are always hard, it’s always the same thing. Shirts, Clothes, Watch, DVD, I mean what else can you get your dad??? Depends on the dad I guess, but sometimes it is so hard to get a gift. Lately I have resorted in GIFT CARDS. Okay, okay I know they aren’t personal but they do the job and they can pick out their own gift, something they are sure to like and use. What are you getting your dad this year for Father’s Day?

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • How to deal with an alcoholic mother?

    The Question:

    I am 30 , and my mother and I always had issues. I cannot tell her anything because it will always be my fault (like the separation form me and my husband) I moved back for a few months and then worked on my marriage again.)..She says the meanest things (I wish I never had you, your such a waste, just cause I am your mother does not mean I have to love you, if you date someone else I will punch you in the face..and on and on and on) I have stopped telling her details or anything because she is just an mean and very spiteful. I guess she figured out I was coming back (through my brothers) and she called me and told me I am not welcome in her home and so on (I already found an apartment elsewhere for the 1st of July, ) But I have never done anything for her to treat me like this..My father and I always had a good relationship (he died last year) and she always says such mean things about him too (he stayed married to her and they lived together. I still don’t know how he did it.) She drinks mornings and night…it is horrible…I know I am 30 and I should be over this, why can I not just forget her and why does what she says still bother me??
    She said she had a hard life so she can have as many drinks as she likes (its her excuses after I told her about her drinking)…any adivce? I have 2 brothers and she is never like this to them..ever?
    I live about 2 hours away from her…Please Help.

    My Response:

    Dear Emotionally Abused;

    I do not know what you are going through, but I have had friends who have been adopted, I have had friends that their mothers aren’t there, etc. I know that just because she is your blood mother doesn’t mean she is a good mother, and everything you just said is abusive. You have an emotional abusive relationship with your mother and your mother is an alcoholic. She needs help!!! My friend who was adopted her real mother was an alcoholic and drug user, and her adopted mom, took her in when she was a baby, this woman (not blood related) as been the most wonderful mother she could have ever asked for. You do NOT need to be blood related to be a mother. You said she doesn’t treat your brothers this way, do they ever try to help her go to AA or help the relationship you two have? Maybe if she listens to them, they can get her to get the help she needs. I am sorry about your father, it is never easy loosing someone you are close to. I do not know how your father stayed with her for so many years either, but I do not know the entire story either. However, if your relationship with your mother has always been abusive, then you need to get help, you need a way to forgive her for all the bad things she tells you. You have to know that what she tells you isn’t true, that you are a good person and that you deserve better than this. If your mother doesn’t want to get help and she continues to bad mouth you, you have to make a choice. I am not saying it is going to be easy but you need to choose to either stay in your mothers life and take the abuse or stay away. I know it isn’t easy and this isn’t something anyone should have to choose but if she is emotionally abusing you, it isn’t worth your life! You deserve better, you deserve for a mother to be proud of you and be there for you. You are 30 years old and it is time to stand up and make a choice. Live your life, and find a way to forgive and move on.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Memorial Weekend 2010


    Memorial Weekend 2010

    Memorial Day: Memorial Day is a United States federal holiday observed on the last Monday of May. Formerly known as Decoration Day, it commemorates U.S. men and women who died while in the military service. First enacted to honor Union soldiers of the American Civil War (it is celebrated near the day of reunification after the Civil War), it was expanded after World War I.

    Any Plans?!?

    Any plans set up for Memorial weekend? Any good ideas you want to share? Let me know, recipes and more, I would love to see them and share them with others.

    In Miami people usually head to the beach, BBQ, eat and drink, which is pretty much any other weekend in MIAMI 🙂

    My plans:

    We have two parties to attend actually. My cousins boyfriends house in Ft. Lauderdale, with a pool, catered food, and drinks, what more can you ask for. That will start around 12pm and around 4pm we will be heading out to our friends house in Cutler Bay, where we will then continue to party in the pool, eat and drink some more, may not sound like all crazy fun to you, but you do not know the people we hang out with. I can not wait!!

    Some people make a whole trip out of it, maybe perhaps to go up to the Keys for the whole weekend, or somewhere else to have some fun. This year, I’m staying in….except for Sunday of course, which is when we are celebrating Memorial Day.

    Tell me all about your plans I would love to hear them!!!

    MEMORIAL DAY – some people do not really realize what it meant, which I left a small description in the beginning. I found this poem that I would love to share with you all.

    Memorial Day

    As we stand here looking
    At the flags upon these graves
    Know these flags represent
    A few of the true American brave

    They fought for their Country
    As man has through all of time
    Except that these soldiers lying here
    Fought for your country and mine

    As we all are gathered here
    To pay them our respect
    Let’s pass this word to others
    It’s what they would expect

    I’m sure that they would do it
    If it were me or you
    To show we did not die in vein
    But for the red, white and blue.

    Let’s pass on to our children
    And to those who never knew
    What these soldiers died for
    It’s the least we can do

    Let’s not forget their families
    Great pain they had to bear
    Losing a son, father or husband
    They need to know we still care

    No matter which war was fought
    On the day that they died
    I stand here looking at these flags
    Filled with American pride.

    So as the bugler plays out Taps
    With its sweet and eerie sound
    Pray for these soldiers lying here
    In this sacred, hallowed ground.

    Take home with you a sense of pride
    You were here Memorial Day.
    Celebrating the way Americans should
    On this solemnest of days.

    –© 1999 by Michelle Keim,
    Commander of Royersford VFW Post 6341 in PA.–

    You can see the poem Here

    xo,
    kristin nicole