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Category: Advice

Need Advice? I’m here to help in anyway I can…. Ask me anything and I’ll tell you what I think…

  • Really unhappy, is it time to move on?

    The Question:

    I’ve been with my husband for 10 years married for 4 and we just fight everyday. The romance is gone, we fight about things everyday and I know to a point these things are normal but I’m sick of it. When I explain how much things he says upset or offend me he just doesn’t get it! I’m so frustrated all I want to do is leave!! Any advice would be good!! He’s a good person but I am just not attracted to him anymore. How do you get those feelings back once they’re gone?

    My Response:

    Dear Fighting all the Time;

    Fighting all the time is not normal, so let’s start with that. Second – Sometimes if we fall out of love there is really nothing we can do to make it better. Have you tried sitting down with your husband and talking about how you feel? The only solution I can give you is to TALK! Communicate how you feel, and try to see if you can stop fighting all the time and rebuild your relationship. If you guys have tried working it out and it is still the same, then there is always marriage counseling. If you tried marriage counseling and you are both still miserable then maybe you have to look at the options. Either stay in a loveless marriage and be miserable fighting all the time, or move your separate ways. Communication is key, without talking you won’t figure it out on your own. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • How do I convince my husband?

    The Question:

    Well every time I want to do something nice for him example…give him a good massage after work, buy him a gift, do something that I know he will like he thinks that I have some hidden intentions or that I want something in return for the things I do. I tried numerous times to explain that I do it because I love him, I want him to be happy, that there is no hidden meaning / ulterior motives behind my actions but he is so doubtful!!
    What can I do to remove those unfounded doubts which kills me! I wonder..who wouldn’t be happy to have a good head, foot or back massage after work?

    My Response:

    Dear Massage;

    I have to agree with you on this one, I am not sure who wouldn’t want a massage after work, with that said have you tried having a serious conversation with your husband when it comes to him feeling this way? Try sitting with him and talking to him about how you feel and why you like to be attentive to him. Have you always been this way through out your relationship, or is this something you are all of a sudden doing? If it’s something new, it may explain why he feels you are being this way to get something out of it, if you have always been this way then he should know this is how you are and that there are no ulterior motives. If this is the case, then maybe there is something more behind him not wanting the attention. Have things changed recently in your relationship? Has he been acting weird in anyway besides not wanting attention? These are all things you should look into and ask yourself. If nothing has changed and this is your only worry, you have two choices. One – Talk to your husband and tell him that he makes you feel bad when you are trying to do something nice and he thinks that it’s only because you want something in return. Or Two – Don’t offer to do nice things anymore and see if he misses them afterward.
    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husband is an infidel?

    The Question:

    My husband told me that he had swayed a little but was still in love with me. He used to send 20 sms everyday continuously to her before he came home. When we found out her number he said that he had stopped all that. But he still keeps his mobile with him all the time. Gets alarmed whenever there is a call and deletes all the messages and call history before coming back home. Should I trust him?

    My Response:

    Definitely sounds like you already don’t trust your husband. If you already caught him sending messages to another women in the past then this is unacceptable. You need to sit down with your husband and ask him to be honest with you, it’s the least that you deserve. If you want this marriage to work you need trust, and if the trust isn’t there you are only going to drive yourself crazy with wondering what he is up to. I do find it a little strange that he is always deleting call history and messages, if there was nothing to hide, then why delete it? I think deep down inside we know when something isn’t right in our relationships, but we question it and we fight it because we don’t want to get hurt, but the truth is we are already hurting by not being able to trust the person we are with. Communication is key, if you can’t talk to your husband and be honest with your feelings then nothing is going to be resolved. Sit down and talk to your husband, if worse comes to worse, I don’t recommend it but you can always check the call history on your phone bill. If you have to stoop to that level though, then your question is already answered.

    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My girlfriend left me after 5 years…

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    My girlfriend of 5 years just picked up and left. I love her but I don’t understand her. She wants to get married and I am not ready for such a commitment. I do want to spend the rest of my life with her, but I don’t know that I want to marry her. My parents were divorced, there parents were divorced and I don’t see why you need to get married in order to start your life together. How do I get her back, how do I convince her that I love her but I don’t know if I’ll ever want to get married? Please Help…

    ~Don’t Want to Get Married

    My Response:

    Dear Don’t Want to Get Married;

    I think your girlfriend has every right to leave you. You have been together for 5 years and you are telling her that you aren’t sure when you want to get married. Women want to grow and have a marriage and family and if you aren’t that guy then just let her go. Knowing that she wants to get married, you have a choice to make, either overcome your fear of marriage and get the girl you love and want to spend your life with back, or let her go and find someone who doesn’t want to get married. There are still women out there who don’t want to get married and living in a girlfriend/boyfriend status is fine with them, maybe this is the type of woman you need to look for. If you really love your girlfriend and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, then what is the big deal of not wanting to get married? Sure some marriages fail, but you won’t know until you try, besides just because your parents didn’t last doesn’t mean you won’t last with your girlfriend. Do what you feel in your heart, but don’t hold on to her if you know what she wants is marriage and a family and it isn’t something you want. If you can’t picture your life without her, then perhaps marriage isn’t as bad as you think it is….

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Ex Fiance…Lost house…What’s Next?

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    Everything in my life lately seems to be going downhill. I broke up with my fiance, I lost my house, and now I’m trying to find my own place. Everywhere I look I get shot down or something is wrong. I just feel like nothing is going my way lately. My ex called and he wants to talk, the reason we broke up was because he was cheating on me. I am thinking of taking him back and maybe things will start getting better. What do you think?

    ~Bad luck

    My Response:

    Dear Bad luck;

    Getting back with your ex isn’t going to solve your problems. He is your ex for a reason, and he cheated on you, there is no justification on getting back with him. You need to start thinking positive and you need to move on with your life. Maybe have a girls night out to clear your mind, or take some Yoga classes or even better, kick boxing to get all the frustration piled up out on the punching bag. Get yourself together and find a real man who won’t cheat on you, a nice apartment you’ll be happy in and you will soon see that everything will come together.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • My boyfriend cheated on me with another Man…

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    My boyfriend and I were together for 3 years and I just found out that last summer he slept with another man. He says he is not homosexual or bisexual that he was drunk and it just happened that one time, but I don’t know what to believe. How drunk can you be to not only cheat, but to cheat with a man? (the same sex). I’m so confused right now, I love him but I feel not only betrayed and lied to, but I feel like he isn’t telling himself the truth. What if he really is homosexual? Do I break up with him or do I believe him and forgive him?

    ~Same Sex

    My Response:

    Dear Same Sex;

    I think there are definitely some unresolved emotions that your boyfriend might be trying to hide. Let’s start with the fact he cheated on you and leave out the part that it was with another man. He Cheated on YOU! Enough said….At the end of the day, drunk or not he cheated on you. You were in a relationship for two years and he has lied about it for the past year. How do you know this was the only time he cheated on you let alone with another man? Now going back to the fact that not only did he cheat on you, but he cheated on you with another man is just confusing in itself. If he doesn’t understand it, then don’t beat yourself up trying to understand it yourself. He is obviously confused or hiding feelings of homosexuality that he doesn’t want to share. Some may say, it was just a one time fling and he was really drunk, but others may say he is homosexual or bisexual and he just doesn’t know how to come to terms with it. I would sit down and talk to him, but more than likely he is going to become defensive and say that he isn’t homosexual and that it was just a drunken mistake. The facts are he cheated on you, and it was with another man. Do you want to stay with a guy that doesn’t know what he wants? You deserve a man that won’t cheat on you and a man that isn’t confused about his sexuality. I know it’s hard because you have been together for 3 years, but it’s better to find this out now than down the road when you are married with children. Move on and find yourself a real man!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • I found my boyfriend with his ex

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I was at school (college) and I left a little early and headed to my boyfriend’s house to surprise him. When I got there, I was the one surprised to find his ex-girlfriend’s car parked in the drive way. When I knocked on the door he told me they were just discussing a few things but he wouldn’t let me in. He then proceeded to tell me that nothing was going on and that he would call me later. Is he cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend? If nothing is going on then why not let me in the house? She shouldn’t be there to begin with, do I wait to see what he has to say or should I just move on? We have been together for 6 months and I really care for him but I don’t know what to think about this. Please Help.

    ~Confused

    My Response:

    Dear Confused;

    Any time an EX is near it is never good. There is no reason for her to be in his house let alone push you away and tell you that he will call you later. I have been in situations where I didn’t do what I should have at the time. You need to sit down with your boyfriend and ask him face to face what is going on. Talk to him and tell him that you do not feel comfortable with his ex-girlfriend in his house, let alone hanging out at all. There is no reason for her to be at your boyfriend’s house. This is only causing trouble where there wasn’t any. I would talk to your boyfriend and see what is going on, but having experience with a similar situation, you are better cutting your ties now and finding a man who isn’t confused as to which girl he really wants to be with. If he cared for you as much as you care for him, he wouldn’t have had his girlfriend in his house alone, and he wouldn’t have sent you off to call you later and stay with her. Find a real man and move on.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Is my Doctor Coming on to Me?

    The Question:

    I started seeing a specialist for migraine issues, the first time I saw him he was nervous he fixed his socks, wiggled around a little, and played with his wedding ring, a tad nervous. But after some phone calls about medication changes, I went to a follow up appointment. This time he made me feel uncomfortable. In the exam room I sat in a chair across from him he started placing his feet right in front of mine no matter where I moved them, when I moved them he re positioned him self and their they were again close like an inch or so. I felt like he wanted do something?

    But I ignored it the entire time he talked to me he had this locked eye contact with me, this time he was taking his wedding ring off and putting it back on with this look on his face as he looked at me, the only time he broke eye contact was to look at my mouth a lot (I wasn’t talking). my roommate came with me both times to help explain how bad I was feeling. he looked at my roomie when he talked but quickly went back to the iron stare. He mimicked how I sat I rested my head in my arm on the chairs side, he did to on the exam bed next to his chair leaning in and rocking his legs on a foot stool. I however, think it is OCD or something hence the staring and foot thing.

    I want to think its OCD he gets touchy when you go talk to him in his office, it is plain with no pictures of his wife which is odd but I guess he’s private. Would you think he has OCD, or is just nervous or would you think he liked you, answer honestly, please! He makes me uncomfortable as my next visits will be alone not with my roommate with me, or should I bring my roommate?

    My Response:

    Dear Migraines;

    If you are feeling uncomfortable then I would just go to another doctor, there are plenty of other doctors that can help you. You can request your records from this doctor so that wherever you go, you don’t have to start over. It could be he just has a nervous twitch or something, but if he’s making you feel uncomfortable then why keep going? Find yourself another doctor and you won’t have to worry about this doctor anymore…

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Am I impatient or should I divorce?

    The Question:

    I know that I’ve been very lucky. I sold my business a few years ago and have a nice sales job. I’m in my mid 40’s. My family and I live in the Northeast and we were never really affected with the housing bubble or anything. We have a nice nest egg in the bank and, at this point, we could sell our house and pay cash for a condo in Florida or South Carolina near the beach. But my wife doesn’t want to because she’s close to her family up here. Our kids are grown and I’m ready for a change. It’s really creating a rift between the wife and I but I’m not looking forward to another winter here. Please, any advice. I think, in the old days, I could just say “we’re leaving here woman” but, apparently, that didn’t work with my wife. Divorce is on my mind. Any advice? Am I impatient or should I divorce?

    My Response:

    Dear impatient;

    Divorce is a huge step. You don’t divorce just because you disagree on where you want to live, are you sure there isn’t more behind this story as to why Divorce is even on your mind? Do you think moving to Florida or South Carolina alone would make you happier? Have you tried talking to your wife and explaining to her how much you really want to move. I know she will be away from her family but explain to her that you guys can come visit often, or perhaps keep the house and buy a condo in Florida or South Carolina just for the winters; maybe this will work better for you, instead of moving completely away from her family. Try talking to your wife, if you love her try to work things out. Divorce shouldn’t even be on your mind and if it is, you need to really think about why you feel this way. I don’t think that it’s just because she doesn’t want to move….

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Is it weird to be 36 and a virgin?

    The Question:

    I am just waiting for the right guy. A handsome, tall, carefree responsible man with no kids. A loyal, good christian man with no bad habits. Is that too much to ask?

    I don’t want to be a slut and just have sex with anybody. I want it to be special…Is it weird to be 36 and a virgin?

    My Response:

    Dear 36 Year Old Virgin;

    I think that at your age it is going to be hard to find a man that has no kids. You don’t need to be a slut to have fun and be open. At your age you may not want to be so picky on that “perfect guy”. No guy is perfect and until you can realize that the imperfect might be perfect for you, you might never find the right guy. You need to be more open minded, you might have to find a guy that may have kids already or has slept around, because to find a man that is also a virgin might be a bit hard in today’s world. There is nothing wrong with wanting a loyal, good Christian man, it just might not be exactly what you have been waiting for. To some it is nice to see that you have waited for the right person to give your self to, to others it is definitely weird that you are 36 and still a Virgin. That is just how our society see’s things, especially in today’s’ world. Life is short and you shouldn’t hold back waiting for that right person to come along, because you never know if Tomorrow will ever come.
    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com