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Category: Advice

Need Advice? I’m here to help in anyway I can…. Ask me anything and I’ll tell you what I think…

  • My husband hurts me when he rejects me

    The Question:

    How do i tell my husband he hurts me when he rejects me?
    I’m 37 weeks pregnant and I know that sex at this point wont hurt the baby, only possibly encourage labor. The doctor has given the go-ahead and even recommended it. Four months ago my husband says that sex with me “isn’t the same”, which makes me feel so unappealing and fat that I cry almost constantly. It’s been so long and I know I have to wait at least 6 weeks after the delivery to have sex. It hurts me to think that the one man who should always be attracted to me just isn’t. I don’t know how to talk to him about these things because I don’t want to hurt him. He has always tried so hard to make me happy. I know he masturbates almost everyday and I also know he’s not thinking about me when he does, how do I confront him about this? I really need help!

    My Response:

    Dear Feeling Rejected;

    I know it’s hard but maybe your husband is just feeling a little awkward about having sex with you when you are almost ready to give birth, and even before that, it’s strange for some men to enjoy sex when they know their child is inside the mother. Some men do not know how to handle it or go about it and so it may feel like he is not attracted to you but maybe he just does not know how to proceed with the current “situation”. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel, and tell him that you want to have SEX! Don’t be ashamed, you are not fat, you are pregnant, and once that baby comes you can get back into shape and be your self again. Don’t worry about hurting his feelings, you are the one pregnant with your emotions everywhere, if anything maybe he is scared to hurt your feelings, so tell him how you feel and remember don’t ever be ashamed to talk to your husband, I am sure he loves you very much.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husband wanted a baby, now I’m pregnant and he wants a divorce…

    The Question:

    I can remember back just a few weeks ago, we were fine. Although I noticed he was staying out a lot more often, I asked him if everything was okay and if it was me, he said no and that he was still very in love with me. We started talking about baby-making just a few weeks ago, and he said he wouldn’t mind if we got pregnant right now, he said he would be happy about it. So, I let him know I was ovulating, we did it, and now I’m pregnant. As soon as I told him I was pregnant, he takes his wedding ring off and tells me he wants a divorce, that he isn’t ready for all of this. We’ve been married for four years. We’ve got one child at home already. So, I am really confused now. He told me he was serious about getting divorce papers.

    But that was all he has said about it, it’s been a week, and he hasn’t mentioned it anymore. He is still coming home at night, but not telling me that he loves me anymore. For example, when he leaves to go somewhere, I always say, “bye sweetie, I love you”, He just started saying “yep” and nods his head and walks out the door, even before he goes to work in the morning. He is still sleeping in the same bed with me, and all of that, but we’re not having sex right now since he found out about the preg.

    One of his buds that he works with that I am also pretty good friends with says he has been talking about divorcing me for over a month now! Why would he do all of this to me? I am so confused. I don’t know what he wants bc he hasn’t brought it up anymore. He’s only known about the preg. for one week, which is when he brought up the divorce. He has no reason, he just says he’s not in love with me anymore and he’s not happy. Just last week we were normal! He has seemed distant, and I’m almost 7 wks preg, so yes, I have been emotional, so maybe that’s why he feels this way? I was crying a lot over the passed few weeks and didn’t even know I was pregnant.

    What should I do? Should I bring up the divorce subject again or just let him sort himself out? I love him, I’m willing to wait on him, but I’m not willing to live in the same house with the man I love while he walks all over me and doesn’t show consideration for my feelings. I’ve been trying not to be emotional around him lately and hope that he will come back around. I don’t want to push this because it is too stressful and I’m still in the vulnerable part of my pregnancy.

    He is still talking to me, but not about personal things, just about things on the news, what happened at work, etc. He even brought a sub home for me last night after he got finished fourwheeling with his buds. He doesn’t really stay home a lot anymore, and he said that it was bc he wasn’t in love with me. I don’t know what to believe. Just the other day he said it was bc he got a new “toy” (his fourwheeler) and wanted to have fun with it (that was before the preg.). … he is sending me too many mixed signals and messages.

    I’m so hurt, and confused. I don’t know what is going to happen to us. I’ve been praying a lot. I love him so much, he is my world. I still feel the connection between us and for some reason I feel like he is not being sincere when he says he don’t love me. I don’t know what to do. I cant’ believe he has been talking to his friends about this for over a month and keeping me in the dark and leading me on. He’s acting like we’ve never been married.

    My response:

    Dear prego;

    Wow I am completely shocked by your story. I don’t understand, you have been married for 4 years which means you probably have been together for even longer. He tells you he is in love with you and wants to have a baby, so you make a baby and he just flips the script and says he wants a divorce he’s NOT in love with you anymore? Am I getting all this right?? Don’t you dare sit back and wait for him to come around, you have a child already in the house you have to think about and one on the way. I know this is painful but do you want to be with a man that doesn’t love you the way you love him? You need to sit down with him right away and talk to him, ask him what he truly wants and why did he just tell you a month ago that he loved you and wanted to have a baby only to tell you after you were pregnant that he doesn’t love you and wants a divorce? This is going to be hard, and you are going to have to be strong, but if he wants a divorce then he needs to get out of the house, there is no reason for him to be sleeping in the same bed next to you acting as if he was your roommate and not your husband. This is unacceptable and you need to see this. You need to love yourself and respect yourself enough to know that what he is doing to you and your children isn’t right and neither of you deserve this kind of treatment. He may be going through some stuff at work or some emotional confusion, but what confuses me is that this isn’t his first child, the two of you already have a child together so I don’t think he’s getting scared because of the baby that’s on the way, it has to be something else and you need to find answers. This is hard because you are already 7 weeks pregnant and I don’t know if you believe in abortion, if you don’t then ignore what I’m about to say, but if you do it is something you definitely need to think about. Do you want to bring another baby into the world with all the problems you are having with your husband right now. It is a possibility that you will get divorced and that you’ll then have to raise your two kids alone. It is also a possibility that he’s going through some type of emotional confusion and the two of you can try going to a marriage counselor, you have to at least try so that you know you tried to make it work for your family, but don’t lower yourself and take him living there as if nothing is wrong when you know there is something definitely wrong. Good luck and keep me updated.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • The ‘SEX’ Talk…

    The Question:

    Imagine that you are a parent and you find out your teenager is sexually active. How might you handle this situation? Would you prefer to know or not know?

    My Response:

    If I were a parent and found out my teenager was sexually active I would first take a breather, contain my thoughts and find a way to bring up the subject with out lashing out or pushing the teenager away. Teenagers are very sensitive and they tend to get shy around the subject of sex, especially with a parent. I would start talking to them at a young age so that I did not need to find out my teenager is having sex after the fact. I would be honest with them and I would tell them the consequences and actions sex has between a man a women, and I would ask them that when they were ready to have sexual intercourse to come to me and we would talk about protection. If I found out after the fact, I prefer to know about it so that I can talk to them and either buy my son condoms and talk to him about it, or if it was a girl, get her on birth control pills and also talk with her, because birth control pills only prevents pregnancy not sexually transmitted diseases, it is important to talk about all aspects of sex.

    In today’s society we forget that teenagers learn a lot at a young age, not only in school but in the media, blogs, magazines and more, but are they learning the right things? We need to be open about sex, it’s natural and there is nothing to be scared of, but if you rush into things and you aren’t careful, your life can change forever.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    ~I got this question from my Human Sexuality Course I’m currently taking~

    Love to hear your thoughts. xo

  • My bestfriend slept with my husband…

    The Question:

    I’m divorced, my husband cheated on me with my best friend. I just confronted her right now….!! Please tell me whether I did the right thing or not. The ex best friend and I met outside a high street shop, I had a bag full of all the things she had ever given me and as soon as I saw her, I threw them on the floor and chucked them in the trash. Then she tried to walk away, I grabbed her arm, gave her a piece of my mind and threw our childhood photographs in her face and said, “Some f****** friend you are”. She was taken aback, slapped me and then I pushed her against the wall, called her a ***** and left her picking the photographs up. I walked away and when I looked back she was on the phone with – my EX husband (who she is currently living with). Did I do the right thing or not, I was SO hurt and angry.

    My response:

    Dear Hurt & Angry;

    Let me start with WOW! Do you have kids with your ex husband? How long ago was this if she is already living with your ex husband and you are already divorced. I can’t believe it’s taken you this long to confront her. I say you did what you felt you needed to do, there is no wrong in you confronting her about her friendship or her sleeping with your husband at the time. She was definitely NOT a friend! What you did was actually very calm, she actually had no right to slap you, she is the one who cheated with your husband, and not only is she a cheater she cheated with her so called best friends husband, and now is living with him. Am I getting all this right?!? What kind of person does this??? Definitely not a GOOD Person! If I was you, I would have probably just dumped all the stuff we had together in the trash a long time ago, and I would have definitely confronted her sooner, I would have told her how I felt, how disgusting she is to do such a thing, and if she laid one hand on me, I would have probably done more then just push her down the way you did. So don’t for one second feel bad about doing what you did, or confronting her. She betrayed your friendship and your trust in one of the most worst ways possible. You deserve a better friend and a whole of a lot better MAN! Good for you for moving on and you have every right to be hurt and angry. Now that you have confronted her, try to move on and forget about them, I know its easier said than done, but you deserve better people in your life. Those two deserve each other, and always remember KARMA! What goes around comes around. Those two will get it one way or the other.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

    Know someone who needs advice or want to tell me how you feel on this subject leave me a comment or email me at soapnights@gmail.com
    xoxo

  • How do I get out of the “FRIEND ZONE”?!?

    The letter

    Dear Kristin Nicole,

    I discovered this blog because I’ve been exploring ways to become more confident with dating. Not too long ago I got dumped by my girlfriend and I’m a bit nervous about returning to the whole “singles scene”. Unfortunately my “skills” with flirting are out of practice, to say the least! Also, can your readers send in topics they want to personally ask you about? Right now I have a specific question on this subject because I am going through a frustrating situation with a girl I like and I’m just not sure how to move forward. I guess you could say I’m stuck in the “friend zone.” I’d really like to ask for your advice…or maybe someone can recommend a book that I ought to read? I would really like to get some advice on how to stay out of the friend zone with girls I like.

    Please help,
    Friends Zone

    My Response:

    Dear Friends Zone,

    I know it’s hard to be dumped by your girlfriend but you have to move on from that, don’t let that interfere with your confidence. If you like this new girl and you want to get out of the “friend zone” then tell her how you feel. Ask her out on a date, the worst thing that could happen is that she says no, but at least you are finally back in the “single scene”. Use this has practice, and don’t stress too much on your flirting skills, just let it come to you naturally, if she’s flirting back with you it’s more then likely she likes you too, and she’s just waiting for you to finally ask her out.

    If any readers have specific questions and want my advice they are more then welcome to leave a comment or even better for privacy they can email me at soapnights@gmail.com

    I don’t know of any books that are good on how to stay out of the ‘friends zone’ but if any readers know of any please feel free to leave any books you think would help on this subject.

    Remember confidence is always the key to any situation, when you know and feel you own the situation you will, and after that it will only come naturally to you.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • My hubby has self-esteem issues…

    The Question:

    My hubby has self-esteem issues………what can I do!??!?
    Me & my hubby have been married since 07/2005……he has gained some weight recently & I have noticed that he wears his shirt 2 bed…….wont go shirtless & won’t take the shirt off during sex. He is constantly telling me he is “fat” & if he grosses me out!! Uuhh of course not!! In the contrary I still get turned on!! I’m constantly telling him how hot he is & hot much he turns me on but it doesn’t seem 2 work……..(sigh) what else can I do?? Eeeekkk I don’t want him 2 B feeling this way…

    My Response:

    Dear Wifey;

    I tell couples all the time, communicate, communicate and Communicate. Sit down with your husband and tell him that you have noticed that he has been feeling a bit cautious about the way he looks. Tell him again how much you still find him attractive and if he’s feeling insecure with his weight then try working out with him and try cooking healthier, try making him feel better about himself and just support him. Tell him what you said in your post…. Tell him how attractive he is to you and how you do not want him feeling this way, tell him how much you love him. A little encouragement goes a long way.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Have you ever felt this way after a proposal?

    The Question:

    Hello, so I just wanted to know why I might feel this way after a proposal, so yesterday my boyfriend of 9 years (I met him when I was 14) proposed and I said yes but now I feel so nervous I’m just scared of planning or doing anything wrong so I just wanted any advice in how I could over this feelings? And did you ever feel this way? Thank you….

    My Response:

    Dear Engaged;

    You are still young and you met your boyfriend at a very young age, nerves are natural. There isn’t much anyone can say or do to make you feel better, you just have to take it easy and relax. Don’t worry so much about the wedding and take your time, there is no rush to get married tomorrow. If your nerves are beyond just feeling a little scared about marriage than just make sure that you really want to marry your boyfriend and you didn’t just say yes because you haven’t been with anyone else. Marriage is an important part of life, and it shouldn’t be taken lightly. Make sure this is what you want, if it is, then the nerves are natural, again just relax, have your family and friends help you plan the wedding and have fun with it.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • How do I deal with my pregnant sister in law?

    The Question:

    She was lazy sarcastic and rude before she was pregnant, now its just gotten way out of hand. She doesn’t help out, the last time the family went dirt bike riding she didn’t lift a finger and then gloated about it by stating ” I didn’t do anything all day” everyone just kind of rolled their eyes. She’s sarcastic, the last time we all went out to dinner no one was talking to me so I started playing a game on my phone and she turned to her husband (my brother) and said I hate it when people are on their phone at the table, and yes it was clearly said so I could hear it, and now shes rude, me and my mom were discussing the baby shower and she started to give us rules and regulations certain games she doesn’t want played what colors we could use, and the last time my mom was talking to her I wasn’t there and she started acting like its an inconvenience saying, do I have to have a shower? My feeling is, if me and my mom are throwing her a baby shower paying for it and all, shouldn’t she just shut up and be Happy? Whats your thoughts?

    My Response:

    Dear Sister In Law;

    Unfortunately it is her shower, whether you guys are throwing it or not, it is a gesture and she does have a say in colors and what she wants to play and doesn’t want to play, however, with that said her being lazy and rude and sarcastic is something totally different and has nothing to do with the shower. I would either talk to your brother first about it, and see what he says. If everyone knows she is being lazy and no one has said anything, then I would just ignore her all together. Family outings try to hang out with other family and away from her negativity. If you can’t help but tell her how you feel, then confront her, remember though she is pregnant so she is probably a little more sensitive than usual, but if she is normally rude and sarcastic and lazy than you know this is who she is and she is married to your brother so there isn’t much you can do about it. I say ignore her, and do what you want, don’t worry about what she says or what she does, you only have to see her when you go on family outings.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Feeling Alone in the World.

    Feeling Alone in the World.

    Ever feel like you just really didn’t belong;
    Like something is different inside you than most?
    Ever feel lost and completely alone?

    You aren’t the only one, you are not the only one who has felt like this and I guarantee that more than 90% of people (statistics made by my opinion – not true statistics), feel this way at least once in their life time, and if you are that other 10% that has never felt this way (I take my hat off to you) and I would love to know your secret to always feeling secure and as if you truly belong, I would love to share your story with those of us who aren’t so lucky to feel that way. (It can be a true inspiration to know how strong some people are and how secure they are with themselves and the world around them).

    Those of us who know what it feels like to feel different, to feel like you just don’t belong knows about the tears and the confusion you feel inside. Do I belong here or there or anywhere? Sometimes in life we just settle, we decide to give in to give up on trying to fit in and feel accepted, and although we have love from family and friends there is always that little piece of hope that maybe one day that feeling of emptiness will just disappear.

    In life comes the ups and the downs and sometimes we just sit back and look at what has happened through out our lives, we look at it as if it was an open book, reading page by page and wondering what will happen when I get to the end of this book? I try not to regret things in life, because you can never turn back time, you can never change the things that have happened and you can never change what was supposed to happen so why regret it, but sometimes I cannot help but wonder if I hadn’t made those mistakes, if I would have just kept moving forward, if my mind thought differently when I was 19 like I do now, or even if those decisions you know you made would have changed your course in life, would it be a better route, or would I have ended up in the same place I see myself now? Decisions that you want to make sometimes are changed by families influence and thoughts of what you would do if they weren’t near, or what they would think or say if you decided to do what you truly wanted to do. Sometimes in life we have other things holding us back, school, jobs, partners, family or friends and at the end of the day we choose what we think will make most people happy, we choose not for ourselves but for others. At the end of the day we need to start choosing for ourselves, we need to see if those who love us will encourage us, if those who love us will comfort us and support us because at the end of the day as time keep moving forward, I have realized more than ever how short life really is, how living in the NOW is so important than living in what can be, or maybe one day, or perhaps in the future…because doing what we really want to do now is our chance to see if what we really want is right in front of us.

    No one is stopping us from feeling accepted, no one is stopping us from being happy and finding love and moving on to bigger and better things, we use our family and friends as excuses but the only one person stopping you from doing what you truly want to do is YOU. Make a change in your life today to choose something that will make you happy. Start with something small, like your family doesn’t like for you to eat chocolate, take a small piece of chocolate and savor it. Start small and move up from there, but remember life is too short to keep waiting, if you love someone tell them, don’t keep waiting and putting off something just because you feel you aren’t completely ready, go for the goal, the light at the end of the tunnel, do what you want for you and live life to the fullest, because at the end of the day we all die, at the end of the day tomorrow is never promised….Live, Love, Laugh…

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • My Mom is cheating on my Dad.

    The Question:

    I am in my 20’s and my parents have been married for over 30 years. We recently found out that my Mom has been seeing her high school sweetheart. We were all in shock and are trying to work through this. I invite my Dad over my house twice a week and make sure I talk to him everyday b/c he is very depressed. My Mom keeps seeing this guy and will not stop. The guy is a loser and even her parents said this guy is trouble. She is not the same person I knew my whole life. I have not talked to her since Christmas because she makes me so mad. But I need help in helping my Dad. I want to make sure that he lives a happy life and make sure that he knows everything will be ok no matter what. Does anyone have any advice on what to do in this situation? I know he just wants his wife back. Please help. Thanks!

    My Response:

    Dear Stuck in the Middle;

    I know it must be hard and you are stuck in a hard situation, the truth is all you can do is keep inviting your dad over, calling him everyday and being there for him. Give him encouraging words and although it’s your mom, he deserves to know that he deserves better than what she is doing to him. I would say to stay out of it, your father is a grown man and he needs to confront your mom and talk to her about what is going on, leave her if that is what he must do. It is never easy especially after being with someone for so many years, but he deserves more from her. If you absolutely feel you have to get involved than sit down with your mom, find out what is going on in her mind that she would do such a thing, maybe this is a mid-life crisis thing or maybe she just wasn’t happy in the marriage (it might be hard to hear but be prepared to find out that perhaps your parents weren’t always happy together). Our parents always try to make it look like everything is okay (for our sake) but things can be going wrong deep down under the surface we never knew about. Talk to your dad too and tell him that you are there for him, tell him that he needs to stand up for himself and he needs to either get his wife back or move on because he deserves only the best.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com