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Category: Advice

Need Advice? I’m here to help in anyway I can…. Ask me anything and I’ll tell you what I think…

  • My boyfriend isn’t ‘the one’, should I leave him?

    The Question:

    I’m a 32 year old woman and I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we were friends for years before that. He is a great guy, we get on well and we are really well matched in many ways. My concern is that I don’t think I love him and I feel in my gut that we are not meant to be together in the long-term. I feel strongly that I don’t want to commit to him. However, I’m also scared to leave him because I know he’d make a great father and partner/husband (although I don’t see myself marrying him). I guess I feel he may be my only chance (at my age?). Question is: am I just afraid to grow up and settle down or would I just be settling for the wrong guy if I stayed? I’m scared of making a massive mistake either way.

    My Response:

    Dear Not In Love;

    I think you already know the answer “He is a great guy, we get on well and we are really well matched in many ways. My concern is that I don’t think I love him…” You have already spent the last 5 years with someone you already know you don’t want a future with and it isn’t fair to lead him on into thinking that his future might be with you. Be honest with yourself and with your boyfriend, it might hurt and it’s hard to move on and find someone else but at the end of the day you both will be happy that what you did was the right move to make. Marriage is a very big commitment and it isn’t something you should ever get into just because “he or she might be a great parent”. You are still young and there are plenty of other men out there, don’t keep putting it off and spending more time on a relationship that you aren’t truly happy in. Don’t ever settle to just settle, settle down because that’s the person you truly know you want to spend the rest of your life with. Sit down with your boyfriend and tell him how you feel, move on and find someone you are truly in love with and can have a future with.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Wife has gained weight, how do I tell her?

    The Question:

    How do you let your wife know that she gained a few pounds, without her getting upset? I bought a box of Special K cereal and low fat milk.
    I even bought a new digital bathroom scale, I haven’t shown that to her yet…. What would be the best way to tell her that she is getting chubby?

    My Response:

    Dear Special K;

    I think going around it and just starting to eat healthy with her is a good way to do it. Telling her she got a “little chubby” will probably hurt her feelings and start an argument. Why don’t you tell her that you feel that the two of you should start eating healthier and working out together, perhaps if you motivate her and get on a diet with her then she will start loosing a few pounds. Make it sound like you are the one who wants to loose the weight but you want her to participate with you. Never and I say NEVER, tell a women she’s “getting chubby”. Unless the women admits you should still just encourage her and remind her that she is still beautiful and that you love her the way she is. Unfortunately women are very sensitive on the subject, so just go about it the way you have been doing, and start eating healthy together and working out together, this way you too get in shape with your wife.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Should I tell him that I suspect he is still cheating?

    The Question:

    I am 58 and my husband 45 we have been married 23 years have a daughter who is 21, last year of University. I found out 5 years ago that he was cheating with someone at work. At the time we were not getting on, don’t know if it was because of her existence, but he was always angry with me and very critical of everything I did. We stayed together, me because at my age I didn’t want to go looking for anyone new and was scared to be on my own. Besides, I had to think of my daughter who was studying and needed both our support. Him? I am not quite sure whether it was because of the money, as he would have had to lose half or maybe more of everything or whether because he felt bad abandoning us. He kept saying that it wasn’t because of the other woman but he wanted to be free. For the past 2 years I couldn’t have wished for a better husband. His attitude to me has changed. We hardly argue and spend lots of time together. Although I don’t tell him I love him, he tries to tell me in a jokey way, but I must confess I don’t completely trust him and am wary of his motives. Last night I asked to borrow his pen and was surprised that it was the kind of pen a woman would choose, it had Treasure written on it. I asked him where he got it from and he said he had bought it for himself. I know that this isn’t the kind of thing he would buy and he is so mean with money, he would never buy his own pen when there are lots of pens around the house he could take. I don’t know if I should spoil our present harmony by telling him that I suspect some woman has bought it for him. I know I am being childish, but can a person really change so much and what would make him change so?

    My Response:

    Dear Stayed;

    I know it must be hard to move on from a marriage after such a long time and especially when we get older we feel like it’s harder to move on and find someone else so we settle to be in a relationship were there is no longer love, where we truly aren’t happy and for what? For comfort for security and for the children, but at the end of the day, the children move on and gain their own lives and then you are stuck in a relationship that isn’t even there anymore. Don’t be afraid to talk to your husband, you probably did not really talk about it the first time around, and if you suspect him of cheating on you again, you deserve to know the truth. Whether you stay with him or not is going to be your decision. However, since you stayed with him to begin with after finding out he cheated on you, and you know you will continue to stay with him again if he’s cheating on you again, then what is the point in finding out if he is or isn’t with another women? Communication is key in any relationship and I am getting the feeling that the two of you haven’t communicated in a long time. Be open with your husband if you want things to work, if you still truly love him then find a way to make it work. I haven’t been in your situation but I am the type of person that no matter how hard it may be, I think I would have left, because self respect is more important to me than comfort and security. Being Afraid to move forward is a fear that takes over us, a fear that ends up controlling our lives, but at the end of the day you are the only one that can control that fear and stand up for yourself and say “Enough is Enough”. If you don’t really want to know the answer (behind the pen) then try to move on and forget about it, if you feel you can’t and you really need to know then sit down with your husband and be honest with how you feel.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • I’m 21 but my GF is only 17…

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I am 21 years old but I am dating a 17 year old girl who is still in High School, is this wrong of me? Can anything happen if we decide to have sex? Advice please….

    ~Too Old

    My Response:

    Dear Too Old;

    First I have to ask why you would want to be with a 17 year old in the first place? You are young, you can drink now and go out clubbing and your girlfriend won’t be able to do any of these things with you, is this a relationship you really want to try out? Second, it’s not wrong if you truly like her and think that this relationship can go somewhere, but if you are looking just to sleep with her then I would be careful, you can be charged for Statutory Rape because she is under age. If you are questioning whether it is okay to be in a relationship with her or not then be honest with your girlfriend, don’t hide your relationship from friends or family and make sure they get to know you. If this is just a fling thing, then I would say move on and find someone your own age.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Need help with being insecure?

    The Question:

    I was with my ex for 4 years and he finished it with me for no reason and he moved on very quickly which made me move on quickly too. I am now with a bloke which I have been with for about a year and a half. Lately I feel so insecure around him. He lives with a house mate and he has a girlfriend. I keep thinking my boyfriend likes her. My boyfriend is 27 she is 18, but he always seems to be interested in her. He never used to be like that with her, and he always seems to be looking at her. I don’t know if there’s anything in it but its making me moody with him. He doesn’t know I’m insecure and I don’t really want to say anything to him. HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP now every little thing he says to her I seem to be analyzing! He did say the other day she has an attitude, and he would never speak to her if she wasn’t with his mate, but the other night she went to bed and he said “ah your going bed are you” she was like yeah I’m tired and I got college tomorrow. He was like “oh ok” & I was thinking SO WHAT IF SHE GOES TO BED grrrrrrrrrrr …. Do u think I’m looking into it too much??

    My Response:

    Dear Too Much;

    Let me get this straight, the 18 year old girl is your boyfriends roommate? Yes you are definitely looking too much into it. First it’s your boyfriends, friends girlfriend, it is not like they are alone most of the time together and second asking her if she is going to bed, is just plain old conversation. I know it’s hard sometimes to not feel insecure after a breakup, especially since you were with your ex for such a long time, but remember this boyfriend is not your ex so try to remember that whenever you feel a little jealous. You have to trust your boyfriend, without trust the relationship won’t grow. If you start seeing something you really don’t like, (like them flirting or playing around) then confront your boyfriend and tell him you feel uncomfortable when he does that with her, but if they just have regular conversations together, yo have to remember this is your boyfriends roommates girl and they are going to have to talk to each other since I am sure he see’s her often there. Try to relax and know that he’s with your because he loves you. I am sure you are a beautiful girl and your ex doesn’t know what he lost, you have moved on so don’t bring that baggage with you into this relationship, remember this is a different relationship and if you do feel a little insecure talk to your boyfriend, but don’t over analyze everything he does, he’s probably just being friendly to her because it’s his friends girlfriend.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My spouse no longer wants Sex…

    The Question:

    What would you do if after having children, your spouse no longer wanted a physical relationship?

    My Response:

    Dear Not Getting Any;

    Communicate, Communicate & Communicate. Talk to your spouse ask them what is going on and why they have been distant. A physical relationship is very important in marriage or even if you are just dating. I am not sure if this question is coming from a man or women, so I’ll answer two different possibilities. If the husband is writing this, I can say that perhaps your wife is suffering from some sort of depression, sometimes after having children women can fall into postpartum depression (this can result in lack of sexual feelings), talk to your wife and a doctor to see what you can do. If this isn’t the case it can be that there is something else going on and unless you don’t talk to her you aren’t going to get the answer. If this is the wife then I can say that perhaps your husband is feeling overwhelmed, either with the children (not sure how old they are) or perhaps at work and it is taking his mind off the physical aspect of the relationship, not to say this is a good enough reason, but everyone reacts to things in life differently. Sit down with your significant other and find out what is bothering them. Without a physical relationship in a relationship, it can cause a lot of tension and that is not good for any relationship.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Walking the streets of San Francisco

    I wanted to start off by wishing everyone a Happy New Year again, and I hope you had a wonderful Holiday season, now it’s time to start anew and start the new year with many blessings to come. On another note, those who follow my blog, I told you that I would update you on my trip, and I’ve been so busy that I haven’t really had time. Where do I even begin…. Walking the street in San Francisco is one of the most breathtaking views you can have while just walking…

    December 17th, 2010

    We landed in one of the most beautiful Cities in the world – San Francisco. I hadn’t seen my friend for about 2+ years and I was excited to see her and her boyfriend who I hadn’t met yet. She picked us up at the airport and we headed to get her boyfriend and while starving because the planes just don’t feed you anymore unless you pay about $6+ for a measly sandwich, I was craving no other than IN-N-OUT! Wow, if you haven’t been here (because in Miami we don’t have these), it’s a Fast Food place but made with Restaurant quality, they make it right then and there fresh off the grill and you can see them make it too. We got the ANIMAL Style, meaning? = Everything on it with their special sauce and oh so good Double Cheese burger, and because I’m a fat ass, we opted to get the Animal Style french fries too. Okay so on to the city…. we took our bags to our hotel, we were on the 28th floor with the bay view – Breath taking, of course that day it was rainy and foggy so I couldn’t see past the first two buildings, yet I still couldn’t believe I was back in Cali, the one place that truly sometimes feels like it should be home. We finally set out to an old bar, and when I say old, I mean down right old school, with red carpets. That’s right… CARPET! I had never seen that before but they kept it real, with a nice happy hour to go with it. We had two drinks and we were hungry again. Okay sounds like we just ate, but I promise you we ate lunch around 1pm and it was now around 6, so Indian Food anyone???? I had never had it either, but let me tell you, if you haven’t you are missing out. The spices they use are so flavorful and oh so good, and once again RED CARPET! What is up with that? Granted we were only two doors down from the other bar, and this place also had a bar on the other side of the dining area, but still very strange. We called it an early night since we were jet lagged, went back to the hotel and then decided to walk around in the cold night rain, we found the mall. Of course I would find the mall, you didn’t think I would stay in Union Square and not find one of the biggest malls I’ve ever seen (Westfield) we walked around until I couldn’t keep my eyes open.

    December 18th, 2010

    Rise and Shine it’s only 6:30am – Granted in Miami it was already 9:30am so we’ll blame it on the time change. We got up and got ready for our continental breakfast with a view.

    We went walking the streets, took tons of pictures and then my friend picked us up and we went touring around town, we saw the golden gate bridge, we went up to the mountains and saw the pacific ocean, we went to Sausalito and had the best Fish and Chips I’ve ever had, and we just drove and got down and took more pics for hours. We later went back to the hotel to rest so that we can go out for my favorite SUSHI and then we headed to a lounge for some drinks and dancing (Pre-Bday Celebration), we had a great time.

    December 19th, 2010

    Napa Valley here I COME! My friend picked us up with another friend I hadn’t seen for over 5 years, I was so happy she could join us and I couldn’t have asked for a better time. We drove through Muir Woods and it was absolutely breath taking, once we got to Napa all I can say was Wow!; gorgeous views, not much of the vineyards since it was winter but yet the beauty is still there. Great bubbly wine and great wine all together.

    What a great night!!!

    December 20th, 2010

    Happy Birthday to me, more touring and of course I had to have me some MEXICAN food. Great food and great company. We were so exhausted from the day we didn’t get to do much but we did go to Ghirardelli and have me some Ice Cream!

    December 21st, 2010

    More touring….

    And for my birthday gift, we went to go see A Christmas Carol which was absolutely wonderful and then of course some Sushi 🙂 yum yum and YUM!

    December 22nd, 2010

    More touring, but this time we decided to head to Muir Woods and actually get down. Wow the nature in this area is one of the most gorgeous things I’ve ever seen. Here is just a small glimpse….

    We also went to the Walt Disney museum, which if you love everything Disney you should definitely check this place out.

    December 23rd, 2010

    Our last day in the City of Love…. we saw a few more things and then headed to this Irish Pub and drank our sorrows away…… Okay so maybe not our sorrows but the sweet goodbye of what I have come to love.

    Cheers with good friends!

    I will always love you SF!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • What to do to fix my relationship?

    The Question:

    What to do to fix my relationship?
    About 4 days ago I said somethings I didn’t mean to say to the girl I love and I really hurt her and now she is saying she needs time to figure things out. I feel horrible about what Ive done and Ive done all I can to try and show her I care, before all this happen we were trying to have a child and making plans on moving in and marriage one day; now she acts like I never mattered and it kills me. Anyone have any ideas on what I should do or say to try to make things better?? I just don’t get how it went from so good to so bad with us…

    My Response:

    Dear boyfriend;

    It can be many things, I only know this one piece of the story, but look back into your relationship (as the whole) and was it really good (not perfect, because no relationship is perfect) but was it good? If it was and you really didn’t have any problems before this then maybe she’s just being a little over emotional, give her time, keep showing her how sorry you are and tell her you love her. If you guys have had a few problems (big) in the past perhaps this was the last straw and she’s using it as a way to get out. Sometimes we try to pick fights or we get mad over small things because we really aren’t happy in our relationships. I say sit down and talk to her, find out what is really going on and apologize for what you said. If she still is blocking you out, give her time and then try talking to her again.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • I can’t help but wait for his call…

    The Question:

    Dear kristin nicole;

    Hi, me and my ex-boyfriend have known each other for over a year and have been in and out of our relationship. The problem is I can’t stop talking to him, all I do is wait for him to call me or IM me, or even text. When I first met him he was a huge womanizer…he used to make sexual jokes with other girls and etc.
    After a few months he lost all contact with other people though and just talked to me even though I encouraged him to get back his friends. After a few more months his parents found out about our relationship and completely started to rule my boyfriend. They insulted me and our relationship, and lied and manipulated both of us severely. It’s been going on ever sense, even though it’s not as bad as before.
    He used to lie about little things all the time, even things that didn’t even matter. He let his mother control his life and all his decisions, and even though his mother was emotionally abusing me and him he would not stand up to her. (Were both underage by the way) He also let tons of girls flirt with him, and when I told him that he needed to tell them to stop, he changed the subject and acted like I never said anything. Also when his friends made fun of me, or made jokes about me and I asked him to stand up for me he would just ignore it.

    He emailed my mom and told her about all the bad things I had been doing, even though I had told him to keep it a secret. I used to be a cutter and very suicidal, but I was getting help for it.
    Even though my mother found out she did not push help on me, and I got over it on my own.
    When I confronted him about it the first time he lied and said he did nothing like that, after pressing him for 15 minutes he finally admitted it, and he promised he would never do it again. After that he manipulated me into feeling sorry for him about his life and etc (like he does in every argument)
    A few months later I found out he was doing it again, I confronted him about it again, and he lied, and then manipulated me into feeling bad for him again. He kept on lying about little things and kept denying them, which got me pissed off. Recently I found out he posted his old sexual relations publicly on facebook, which disgusted me. I confronted him about it and he said it meant nothing.

    We broke about 4 – 5 months ago from an argument. (He told me I was over-reacting about being depressed over all of this, and I was stupid to think this way and relationships have been through much worse and I didn’t deserve to be talking this way). He used to have this gang of friends that were very rude, used girls and were very controlling. A year ago or so he said he stopped all communication.
    He lied and kept going back once in awhile, I told him to stop. He lied and kept going back.
    AGAIN I told him to stop and he kept going back. This went on for another like 3 times.

    Before I met him even though I was going through a-lot of stuff I was very happy, but after all of this It feels like I have clinical depression.

    I don’t think I love him anymore, I don’t trust him nor care about him or anything.
    but yet I can’t stop talking to him. I really want to stop but every time I do I can’t help myself but go back online to talk to him, or call him or text. I know i’m stupid to do that though.
    Please help me to stop.

    ~Waiting for a call~

    My Response:

    Dear Waiting for a call;

    It sounds like you already know where you want to be in this relationship and I cannot tell you how to stop talking to your ex or how to make you feel less sad about the situation, with that said however, you sound much stronger than what you give yourself credit for. You have surpassed being depressed and cutting yourself without the help of your family (which is what you stated), and the fact that you can be strong enough to know that was not good for you and to stop is very strong of you. You realized that your boyfriend was manipulating you into feeling bad for him and the fact that you have realized this is a big step. You already know you don’t love him any more and that you don’t want to be with him, the hardest part is actually letting go. Sometimes even though we know we don’t love someone anymore, and we know that they aren’t any good for us, as humans we tend to hold on to stuff, and even though you know that this isn’t the person you want to be with you keep talking to him. Ask yourself why you think that is? You have to be strong and lose all connection with him, you need to move on and it isn’t going to be easy because it sounds like you were in this relationship for a long time. You deserve someone better, someone who won’t lie to you, someone whose family will accept you and not try to cause more problems. You deserve to be happy and I think that you already know that leaving him and losing all connection with him is the beginning to that happiness.

    Don’t let him manipulate you anymore, be strong and know that you deserve someone better. Believe me there are better guys out there, of what you have described, this guy is a loser, and you can do so much better!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • 5 Worst Ways to Propose

    So I was reading this article on Yahoo.com, The 5 Worst Ways to Propose, do you agree?

    The List:

    1. Don’t propose in Public – they say most people tend to say yes because they feel bad with all the people looking, it’s pressure put on the other person and they might just say yes to please the people cheering around them, and later can turn around and say they really don’t want to marry you. (Wow that would be a bummer).

    2. Leave Food out of it – They say people have actually swallowed the ring (when placed in food or drinks) and well it’s not the best place to be on the day you get engaged if it’s the hospital waiting to “release” your ring (If you get my drift).

    3. Do NOT propose via – Internet (email anything that involves a computer) – I have to agree – it’s very impersonal, and when you propose it should be face to face with the person you love.

    4. Do not propose on the day you wed – Okay I only hear of this in Vegas and then it’s annulled the next day – so I have to agree, think about this before you do it, it’s a big commitment.

    5. Beware of Mother Nature – WHAT? That was my first reaction… According to Yahoo they say don’t propose hiking up a mountain or on the beach. Some have gotten lost in snow storms and lost the ring in the snow, others in the beach, and we don’t want to buy an expensive ring only to loose it in a few minutes of proposing. (do we?).

    I say be romantic, do something unique. People in New York although cute, stop proposing by the Christmas Tree it’s been done, oh about 1 million times (at least that’s what I hear from the locals in NY) 🙂 Here in Miami I am sure the Beach has been done and what did Yahoo say about the beach? (Oh yea we don’t want to loose that ring in the sand).

    Some women like the cliches of what is in the movies, if your lady likes it, then go for it, I don’t think there is really any wrong way to propose as long as you really know what your women wants. (Some women like the public scene, some like the ring in the food (although I think I would avoid this one), and some like to be spontaneous (although I highly recommend getting to know your future bride to be).

    Live, Love, Laugh ~ And do what you want when you are ready to propose, if she loves you it doesn’t matter how it’s done, I know some people who get proposed to in a car and have been married for years
    😉

    xo,
    kristin nicole