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Category: Advice

Need Advice? I’m here to help in anyway I can…. Ask me anything and I’ll tell you what I think…

  • Is it appropriate if I write a letter to my ex-girlfriends daughter?

    The Question:

    My ex-girlfriend hates me and will never speak to me again, but I just had a dream where I bumped into her and her 7 year old daughter and the daughter ran up to me crying and hugged me. I woke up sad, and I would like to write the daughter a letter, just telling her how much I miss her. Is this appropriate? Should I write the letter or not? I do not have any ulterior motives like trying to get back with my ex-girlfriend or anything like that. Any advice would help. Thank You.

    My Response:

    Dear Dreamer;

    I know it has to be hard to not see your ex-girlfriends daughter anymore, especially if you came to really care for her. With that said, she’s only 7 years old, and although writing a letter is nice, she may not understand it, also, the mother will see it first and if she’s as angry with you as you say she is, more than likely she will just throw the paper away and not even show it to her daughter. Unfortunately when people get into relationships with people with children and it isn’t their child, we develop feelings as if they were ares, but the problem is, if the relationship does not work out, the child is left without that person in their lives and you are left with an empty feeling of guilt. I do not know what happened between your ex and you, but you are going to just have to move on. Children are very resilient to what is going on around them, don’t make it worse by making the mother more angry. It’s hard, but you have to let them go.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • She says she doesn’t want to be anyones GF?

    The Question:

    She said to me she doesn’t want to be anyone’s girlfriend?
    We have only been seeing each other for a month, she said this morning she likes me but she just doesn’t want to be anybody’s girlfriend. Then she wouldn’t really kiss me, so I left, but she grabbed me at the door to make me stay and said she wants for me to come around tonight. I don’t really get it… I don’t mind it being casual but it seems like there should be some free space for whatever it is to move into. Is she waiting around for someone better? Because I’m not and I don’t want to……

    My Response:

    Dear Stuck;

    You have options… Either tell her how you feel straight forward, either you are dating to be more than friends or you’re just friends, but either way be honest and straight forward with her (tell her to stop sending you mixed signals and to stop playing games) if nothing is going to happen then move on. There are plenty other girls out there that want to be in a relationship, and if you are that type of guy then move on. You can either stick it out and see where she is going with this, or you can be honest with how you feel, figure out what it is she really wants and go from there. Don’t waste time on a girl that doesn’t know what she wants.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Where does this leave me?

    The Question:

    If a partner can actually cheat on me for years, even have a child outside behind my back, even love the mother of his child (who didn’t know i existed) BUT still come home to me & our child and wont leave me, where does this leave me?

    My Response:

    Dear Lost;

    It leaves you in a simple situation, DON’T SETTLE! Move on and move out. This guy obviously has no respect for you or the other women and he thinks that he can “have his cake and eat it too”. You deserve someone to be with only you and love only you, not someone who not only cheats on you but has another family behind your back. Is the type of life you want to lead? Is this the example you want to show your children? Respect yourself, love yourself and always remember Never settle, never look back and never ever think that you aren’t good enough to have better.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • 10 Reasons you should Leave him/her…

    10 Reasons you should Leave:

    The most obvious of them all:

    10. You are physically or emotionally abused
    9. You aren’t happy in your relationship
    8. You barely talk/communicate to each other
    7. You both want different things in life (ie: career, place to live, marriage, children etc).
    6. He/She cheated on you

    and so what other reasons can there be?

    5. He/She is no longer straight but likes the same sex (ie: lesbian/gay) If you are already a lesbian or gay (the person decided that they aren’t a lesbian or gay and wants to date the opposite sex).
    4. He/She will never live with out their parents/family ruling them on every decision they make
    3. You have nothing in common
    2. You are not physically attracted to the person you are dating

    And the number 1 reason why you should leave someone

    1. You are simply NOT IN LOVE

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Is it normal for a cheating man to do this?

    The Question:

    Is it true that if a married man keeps going back to the same woman, even when he has had other affairs, it is because he has feelings for her?

    I recently found out that my husband has cheated on me multiple times, more often with one specific woman.
    Additional Details
    I caught him looking at a picture of her face the other day, but he doesn’t know that I know. Does this mean that he’s not over her? According to what I’ve read, they broke up a while ago.

    My Response:

    Dear Denial;

    Are you really asking “does this mean that he’s not over her”? You caught your husband cheating on you, and you found out he cheated on you more than once and specifically with this women. He’s looking at her picture, and they supposedly broke up recently… They probably broke up because she wants him to leave you and for whatever reason it is that men choose to stay with their wives he probably told her he wouldn’t leave you. But why would you want to stay in a marriage full of lies and with a man that is cheating on you? Respect yourself, love yourself and know you deserve better than this. If your husband really loved you, he wouldn’t cheat. I don’t care what the movies tell us, or what men say, if you cheated on me, then you really don’t love me. Don’t tell me it’s just sex either, because he could be having sex with you instead of her. Confront your husband and don’t keep this secret inside of you, it will only cause resentment and anger. I know it isn’t easy to find out your husband cheated on you, but you need to move on, find someone who won’t cheat on you and love you enough to be honest with you.
    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husband and I want a child & a career…

    The Question:

    My husband and I want a child and a career, is it possible? We do not see a “perfect” time to have one due to age, finances, careers, ect. pls help! I am 31 and my husband is 37. I have 3 yrs to complete my nursing degree. He HATES his job, and will take the opportunity once I finish to change careers. Our money is extremely tight. My husband does not want to have children past the age of 40, and he already has a 5 yr old daughter. I wanted to be a stay at home mom when I had a child, but due to my husbands strong desire to change careers, I don’t believe that is possible. So, I will have to have a baby during nursing school or not have one at all. That sounds terribly stressful, however is it REALLY worth giving up my desire to raise a child with my amazing husband? I need some advice from people with children and those who chose not to have them. How did your decision affect you later in life? Thank you in advance for your help!

    ~Confused and frustrated~

    My Response:

    Dear Confused and frustrated;

    I don’t have children but I can tell you that all my friends who have them don’t regret not one moment about it. I can understand where you are coming from though, I am finishing up my Bachelors degree and I couldn’t imagine working full time, finishing school and having a baby right now, however, with that said, if your dream is to have children, then go for it. It might not be the way you always dreamed, but if your husband also wants to have a child with you then go for it. No one said life was easy, especially when you add children to the mix, but I have heard only good feelings come with it. Don’t put your career on hold or make your husband put his on hold, if you guys want to have a family and a career then go for it. You also need to sit down and talk to your husband, I understand he wants to have a child before he’s 40 but he needs to understand that you aren’t the same age and although he’s almost there, you aren’t. A few more years won’t make a difference, if you finish your education at age 34 and he changes his career then he can wait another year or two while he focuses on his career and then you can have a baby, he’ll only be a year or two older. Again I don’t know your entire situation, but if he’s not happy with his job now, I don’t see why he has to wait until you finish your nursing degree to change it. Unless you aren’t working and he wants to start his own business then I can understand this, but in the meantime he should think about just changing jobs/careers. He doesn’t have to quit his job right away, start looking for a new one, then leave once you have one lined up. Communication is key, talk to your husband and weigh all your options. If you really want a family together, I’m sure you can figure it out. Good Luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

    Confused and frustrated

  • Should he move on or keep waiting on her?

    The Question:

    Should he move on or keep waiting on her? A friend of mine met this girl online last week and they have were emailing each other quite heavily for a few days. They had a lot in common and were looking for the same thing. They even exchanged a few pics of each other. This guy suggested they meet and said she could come to his place. He gave her his phone number and address. She was fine with that. Ok, then she changes it to a more public place which wasn’t far from his house and he was cool. She hasn’t given him her phone number yet, by the way. Ok, she sets the location, date and the time. My friend said he gets there but she doesn’t show up. Later in the day she emails him saying she was nervous about meeting him face to face but she still wants to talk to him. He said he was fine with that but he senses she may be loosing interest in him. The emails are starting to get less and less from her. He feels that instead of having him sitting there at a gas station waiting on her to show up she could have at least called him to say she wasn’t coming. She had his number but she didn’t even call or even send a text. She could have done that if she didn’t want to meet. Hell, it was later in the day before she even sent her email. They were suppose to meet at 10:30 AM and she didn’t send her email until 4 PM. Should my friend move on to someone who seems a little more interested? I told him not to put all his eggs in one basket and to keep looking elsewhere cause she seems like there may be some drama there she’s not telling. What do you think?

    My Response:

    Dear Friend;

    Plain and Simple: Move on…. This girl is simply not interested or she is way too shy, either way, if you are on a dating site, you know eventually you have to meet a stranger. I can understand her not wanting to meet him at his house, that is a little strange to do on a first meeting (she doesn’t know if your friend is a perv or not), it’s better for him to invite a person he’s never met out in public, the girl will feel more comfortable rather than meeting at his place. As for him waiting in his car for her at a gas station? (Was this the Public Place they were meeting in)? Sounds a little funny, if she’s the one who set up this “public place” then perhaps she just wanted to see how he really looked (not sure if they exchanged pictures prior to this or not) but maybe she just wanted to meet him and didn’t like what she saw so blew him off, felt bad and emailed him back making up that excuse, and little by little has not written back to him so that he can get the point and move on. Some women don’t know how to be straight forward and so they play these small games and expect the man to figure it out. Sorry dude, but “she’s just not that into your friend”. Tell your friend to move on and find another girl, and next time… PLEASE tell him to meet in a public place (coffee shop, diner, anywhere else other than his place or a gas station). Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Would you leave if he still didn’t want to get married after 6 years together?

    The Question:

    Would you leave if he still didn’t want to get married after 6 years together? My partner and I have been together for 6 years. Prior to starting our relationship we were good friends for 5 years. We currently have three children together.

    He has given me mixed messages about marriage since I was pregnant with our first child. At times he would say that he did want to get married but most of the time he would get angry any time the word marriage was mentioned and use a range of excuses.

    Lately I have demanded that he give me a straight answer and he has told me that he doesn’t want to get married to me because our relationship has been terrible for the entire 6 years. Should I leave? Does it seem so stupid to be with someone that thinks that?

    My Response:

    Dear 6 years;

    The question isn’t really should you stay or leave because it’s been 6 years, but the fact that he told you straight out that he doesn’t want to get married and that your relationship has been bad for the last 6 years seems like a clear sign that this guy is never going to fully commit. Don’t sell yourself short, if what you want is marriage, don’t stick around hoping that he changes his mind. More than likely if he says he doesn’t want to get married, then he doesn’t. You already have 3 children together and perhaps the first sign was when you were pregnant with your first (in which he didn’t want to get married). You are now stuck with him for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not, but do you want to be in a relationship that isn’t filled with love, and is only filled with (whatever it is he’s holding inside of him)? You deserve someone who loves you to the fullest and someone who will want the same things you want in life. If this guy after 6 years doesn’t want what you want, and is being honest about not wanting those things, then you have a decision to make. Either stay with him, and be unhappy that you are never going where you want to go with this guy, or get up and move on. It isn’t going to be easy but you have to do what is right for you and your children.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My wife laughs at me because I am fat…

    The Question:

    I get very emotional, I am 5’6 285lbs and when we are around friends my wife makes jokes. I do eat a lot but her making fun of me does not help. She actually made me cry and I don’t cry…What should I do?

    My Response:

    Dear Emotional;

    Sit down and talk to your wife, communication is key. If you don’t tell her how you feel, she may never realize that when making jokes about your weight in front of other people really bothers you. If you are unhappy about your weight then join a gym membership or jog around your neighborhood for some cardio exercise. Don’t ever let another person put you down about your weight, not even your wife, if you don’t like it, stick up for yourself and do something about Realizing that you are eating a lot is a good start, start eating healthier snacks and make a change.

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Is my husband ashamed of me?

    The Question:

    Is my husband ashamed of me? I love my husband very much and we have been together 3 years now. I have put on 10 lbs since we have been together I feel so fat. I used to weigh 110 lbs now I weigh 120 at 5’9 I feel like a cow and he never takes me out anymore. He also doesn’t answer my phone calls or texts anymore when he’s away. I want to lose the weight so badly to make him happy, I would do anything even starve myself. What can I do to make him love me again?

    My Response:

    Dear 10 pounds;

    If your husband is not giving you the attention you need I don’t think it is just because you gained 10 pounds, and if he is ignoring you and not taking you out because of it, then that is not true love. You need to be happy with yourself, don’t ever starve yourself or “do anything” just because the person you love is not there for you. Loose the weight if you want, but do it for you (to make yourself feel better). I can’t imagine that you are “fat” if you are 5’9 at 120lbs. I think the problem here goes deeper than just a few pounds gained, sit down and talk to your husband and get down to the core of what is really going on with him. If he’s that superficial and it really is that you gained 10 pounds then you need to work on that with each other. Start eating better and go to the gym, but this shouldn’t be a reason for the way he is acting with you. Again COMMUNICATION is KEY! Talk to your husband and tell him how you have been feeling, if he wants to work on your marriage he will, and if he doesn’t, then there might be some hard decisions you may have to make. LOVE YOURSELF first, and no matter what any man says or does, remember you are perfect the way you are, don’t ever put yourself down just because a man is acting like a dumb a@# and don’t ever starve yourself to loose the weight, just eat right and exercise, it’s only 10 pounds.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answres.Yahoo.com