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Category: Advice

Need Advice? I’m here to help in anyway I can…. Ask me anything and I’ll tell you what I think…

  • Is it ok to hate her for stealing my day?

    The Question:

    My husband and I got married last year, we didn’t have any money to have a big wedding, so the two of us went abroad and got married. No one made a fuss, bought us gifts or even a card!! Everyone thought I must have been having a baby or something but its difficult to explain how poor we are, and my parents are also very poor. I feel so upset our friends didn’t make any effort and my husbands family didn’t even send a card.

    My husbands family are very rich and his sister has just got married abroad (where she lives). She is coming over to have a blessing with the family ans chose our wedding date! My in-laws are paying for a castle blessing and full blown reception. They are buying them their honeymoon too. They gave us £100.

    I do feel a little jealous, but that’s life and its her parents choice to spend that money on their daughter, but why steal our day?! We didn’t get a proper wedding and now our 1st wedding anniversary is going to be spoiled. We are financially better off now and in a humph I bought my husband and I a trip abroad to celebrate our anniversary (and to avoid the wedding!!).

    Now i am not sure how to tell everyone we are not going, we have known about it for a good 6/8 weeks now, Also, am i wrong to feel so annoyed???? I feel its not fair of my husbands parents to favor her so much more than him. He is much nicer than her, visits more, buys them more and always sends birthday cards to family etc, she does not.

    Thanks.

    My Response:

    Dear Jealous;

    Unfortunately some parents don’t believe in paying for the son’s wedding and it’s traditional to help with their daughters wedding. So let me get this straight your husbands sisters wedding is on the same day as your wedding anniversary? In this age of time unfortunately not many people think about doing nice things for others, even though you couldn’t afford a wedding so you just eloped your friends and his family having money should have at least offered to take you out to dinner or get you a small gift. I know it’s hard to admit you don’t have money for a wedding but you should have just been honest with at least his family that you couldn’t afford a wedding and you wanted to get married so that is why you eloped. It is also your husbands responsibility to speak up to his family if he’s hurt about them not even sending you guys a card. If you have known about the wedding for 6 to 8 weeks you should have really spoken up then that you had a trip planned on that date, and you had already bought the tickets. I do think it’s a little strange they would pick the same date as yours, and I don’t blame you for being a little jealous considering you didn’t get to have your big wedding or even a party to celebrate. Have your husband tell his family that you aren’t going to the wedding, that’s his family and it’s not your responsibility to tell them. Then go on your one year anniversary trip and have the fun you haven’t been able to have for your wedding. If no one has the consideration to consider your anniversary or do anything for you guys when you got married then don’t worry so much about what they are going to think if you don’t go to the wedding. I would be the bigger person and at least send her a card and a small gift then go on your trip and ENJOY.

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • How do I tell her I want to be exclusive?

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I moved to Pgh to finish my degree and I started looking for someone of the fairer sex when I arrived. I used an online dating site, and I made contact with a wonderful girl. We e-mailed and talked on the phone, eventually had a first date that went well. The next few nights after our first date, we hung out and it was wonderful. I think we’re incredibly different, but its really nice. She’s a post-grad law student and I’m trying to bag an AS in Air Traffic Control and I have no major interest in going too much further, I’m more about building my pilot resume than additional degrees. I’m more of an outdoor kid and she’s not as much. I have some type of free time, and try to have as much free time as possible, and she doesn’t. This is one of the reasons I’m writing, I am also writing to seek advise on what I can do to make us “exclusive”.

    When I initially looked at her profile, one of the comments on the page referenced her insane schedule and how someone would have to be okay with that, but that she would make time for the right person. I was cool with that, my schedule is crazy as well, but hers is unbearable. I understand the need to succeed and for professional development, but I don’t get the insane extra things she takes on. Also, I hate hearing about the most recent additional undertaking, as that’s even less time I’ll have to spend with her. The few hours a week is hard enough, I’m used to more. How do I get used to this, or express my feelings about this without sounding like a complete jerk? I want her to do well and go far, even if we don’t, so I am not completely against it all. I just want to tell her that I kinda need more time with her, without making her feel guilty, overwhelmed, or bitter for entering the relationship.

    My second question involves the status of our relationship. I’m not a huge dater, never been that great with the ladies, and you know this seeing as we used to hang in SD, so I’m not juggling dates that often or trying to make a decision on who I should go out with. After the first date, the second was a movie and make out date at my apartment the next night, and the following night she had me over to a BBQ with some of her best friends. I was nervous about the meeting of the friends, as sometimes they are more judgmental than when you meet the father for the first time. Things went well and we talk everyday, and I assumed we were a step above dating, but not too much more than that. I was talking to a close friend a few days later and our topic of conversation got me thinking about what our status was. I asked, and while we were chatting about it, I found out she was still visiting the site we met from and was currently online. After the third date, I shut my profile off, as I felt it would be the more honest thing to do. Her answer to the what is our status was dating, but she isn’t seeing anyone else. How do I make this go to exclusive? She wants to take things slow, as time is at a minimum, but I can be slow exclusively! I didn’t mention anything about the activity on the dating site, should I? What is my best course of action here, I’m so damn lost.

    What do you think? I know I already said it once, but I really like her, but I’m not sure how to proceed. I could walk away, find someone that had time to spend and go on, but I don’t want to always wonder. At the same time, I don’t want to wait forever for something that’s not going to happen. I’m trying my best to stay optimistic, but its hard sometimes.

    Thanks for your thoughts!

    My Response:

    Dear Speak Up;

    I’m so happy that you have found someone you like, however, your schedules seem very busy and sometimes unfortunately we meet people at the wrong times in our lives. Don’t take this has a bad thing though, sometimes it works out. Just be honest with her. Take her out on a date and tell her how you feel, tell her that you want to take things slow but that you want to make things exclusive (I know it sounds corny) but ask her to be your girlfriend. I’m an old fashion kind of girl when it comes to that and I think it’s cute and sexy all at the same time for a man to be able just ask for what he wants. Don’t be out right front with her and demand she spend more time with you, explain to her that you understand you both have busy schedules but that you really would love to see her more often and then go from there. (I wouldn’t mention her status on the dating site until you are officially exclusive). If you really like her and want a relationship with her then go for it, you’ll never know if it will work out if you don’t try. If in the end it’s just too hard because of your schedules and different lives then the best thing to do after that is move on. If you guys are totally different and you are just physically attracted to her then maybe it’s best to move on now. I mean you are an out door kind of guy, don’t you want a women that loves the out doors just as much as you so that you can have adventures together? And even though she’s not an out door kind of girl you can always try to see if she’s willing to try. I never listened to certain music until I got with my boyfriend, sometimes we change what we thought we didn’t like into something we actually enjoy for the people we love. (You guys aren’t quiet at the love part yet) but if she really likes you and wants to try to take it to the next level with you then maybe she’ll be willing to try some outdoor activities. If you met her friends already and she’s hanging out with you when she can then this is a good sign that she does like you, so if you don’t want to have your relationship status up in the air, talk to her and be honest with how you feel. Tell her you want to take things slow but that you want to make it official….If she’s not ready for that then move on before your feelings get more involved. You are a great guy, you just have to have a little more confidence in yourself, life’s too short to keep holding in all those feelings, let them out and tell her how you feel.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • When the Dumper is happier without you…

    The Question:

    I get cheated on, the I love you but not in love with you speech, have to deal with him moving out, all the pain and what is he doing?? Getting a “great” new place to live…
    Posting on FB obscure stuff like “waiting, hopeful, ready, wondering”. I don’t know if that is in regards to a job promotion, getting his new place, the married girl he is “seeing” or what.

    I know! I am not supposed to look. I have been so good with no contact. But, tonight all alone and hurt– and he is out and about and happier than ever. Is that real???

    Has anyone been through this? How do you deal?
    And is it a little disrespectful, it has only been 3 weeks! Why would you post things like that? And he wonders why I wont respond to him.

    My Response:

    Dear Dumped;

    Break ups are never easy, especially when you are the one being dumped. There are reasons we’ll never understand of why men do the things they do or say the things they say. You have to just take it as it is, and it’s not easy. First stop looking at his Facebook status you are only torturing yourself and it is not going to make it any easier. He left you to move on with his life so that is what he’s doing, if he cared at all for you, if he truly loved you he would be with you. He was honest with you and at least you have that. Trust me what goes around comes around, he’s with a married women, more than likely it’s all fun now but in the end it most likely won’t work out and he’ll be lonely wishing he would have seen what a great women you are. Or he can turn around one day and know that he did the right thing by leaving you, and you’ll realize it too, that in the end it’s always meant to be. If someone doesn’t love you, if they aren’t truly 100% in love with you, then you don’t want that person to pretend, you don’t want them leading you on into thinking you have a life together when all along they aren’t even happy, trust me that’s much worse. I do think it’s disrespectful that he’s moving on so fast, considering you lived together, but that should only show you the kind of man he really is. Get out there, stop looking at his posts on Facebook and start making your own posts. Be positive, stand strong and I know it hurts now, but it will get better. Go out with your friends and get your mind off him, move on….Start new…..

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Why does my wife only want to have sex when I’m sleeping?

    The Question:

    Why does my wife only want to have “relations” when I’m sleeping?
    Not that I’m complaining…I will take what I can get. But the only time she initiates is when I’m sound asleep sometimes I’m so “out of it” I vaguely remember it and I have to ask did we do it last night? What is with this? Is it some fetish of hers?

    My Response:

    Dear Sleeper;

    This can definitely be a fetish of hers, maybe you being a little out of it turns her on. Personally I find it a little strange but hey to each their own. Why don’t you talk to your wife, maybe she’s hiding some secret fetishes that she wants to display and you are sitting back not asking and falling asleep in the process. Open up to her and maybe your sex life will get even more interesting.

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Be strong ~ Inspired by Madison Schafer

    Be Strong

    When you feel like your world is falling apart
    have faith and stand strong.
    When you feel like it’s the end of the world
    remember that there are people out there who are suffering more than you are right now.
    If you are the one suffering and you don’t know what to do
    remember to pray
    remember to not hate what you can not control
    remember that we all need love in our hearts to move forward
    because if we give in to the hate,
    if we give in to the sadness
    we are only admitting defeat.
    Stand strong
    Be strong
    Life is a journey
    we all take the bad with the good
    and we all wonder at one point in our lives
    “why is this happening to me”?

    Let love enter your heart
    with love, the world has no end
    with love we know no limits
    with love we have support of the ones we care for
    with love we smile
    with love we cry
    with love we know no boundaries
    and yet we keep loving
    we keep living
    and we keep having the faith that in the end Everything will be alright.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    My thoughts:

    I have been thinking recently about how we all complain about things we aren’t happy about in life. Only you can change the actions that cause your life events and only you can change fate. My last two posts have been about this little girl who is only 20 months old fighting for her life due to a tumor in her brain that is cancerous. Her family I can only imagine is in shambles, wondering what is going to happen, not knowing if tomorrow will come and looking into the beautiful eyes of that baby girl (Madison Schafer). I think about how we complain about things in life, but if you stop just for one second to realize all the beautiful things you have in life you might realize that the bad stuff happening right now is actually not so bad. Realize that there are people out there like the Schafer family who is struggling way more than some people can ever imagine. Have faith and pray and remember that miracles do happen, positive thinking really does change outcomes and in the end remember the people you love, love them back because tomorrow is never promised. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, and we take so many things for granted, we take life for granted. Pray like there is no tomorrow, love like you have never loved before, and live life to your fullest. ~Live, Love, Laugh~

    © ~written by: kristin nicole – 09.16.10 @7:35 am ~

    Today the Schafer family will learn about Madison’s condition and they will see what treatments they will need to give Madison for her recovery. My prayers are with them all.

  • Madison Schafer – Baby with Brain Cancer

    Madison Schafer

    I am not sure how old Madison Schafer is but she can’t be more than 2 years old. She looks really young, I was on my face-book account this morning when I saw an old co-workers post about a little girl in her daughters school who has brain cancer. I clicked on the link and began to read her story. They literally just found out that she had Brain Cancer yesterday. Before that it was only 5 days ago when they noticed something was wrong with the baby.

    Brain Tumor/Cancer

    On September 9th a CAT Scan resulted in a large tumor in the brain, they had an emergency surgery scheduled that same night to get it out, as they set out to take out the fleshy part of the tumor Madison’s heart stopped three times, so they had to stop the surgery. They later sent a sample to Harvard to a brain specialist to determine if in fact it was Cancer. An MRI later showed that the tumor is holding liquid around the brain and not draining on it’s own so they had to place a drain in her head to drain the liquid, they were hoping that the liquid would start draining on it’s own. Madison is starting to move her bowel and eating, so they took the catheter out and the family is waiting on the next step to cure the cancer.

    My Thoughts:

    This story touched my heart, it is scary and hard to live through something like this with such a small child. The school has a website where you can follow Madisons recovery at Kidsforkidsacademy.com. You can follow her recovery, and you can help the family by either donating money, food, or anything that will help them through this difficult time. Some people are donating Publix or Winn Dixie gift cards (CBS 4 News donated some gift cards to the family) and some are helping make home cooked meals and taking them to the hospital. You can help donate HERE.

    In life we truly never know what will happen. Some of us live our lives healthy and content, others go through the hardest moments in life not knowing what to do. I couldn’t imagine what the Schafer family is going through and I think if we all say a prayer, if we all contribute just a little, that in a small way it will help them get through this horrible time one step at a time.

    If you want to donate click on the link above, and you can also write a message to the family either here on this link (I have informed them that I have posted a blog post about Madison on Soapnights) and or you can leave a message HERE.

    My prayers are with Madison a beautiful baby girl who doesn’t deserve to have such a horrible illness and to her family who needs to stay strong, and think positive that everything will be alright.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    PS

    Dear Schafer family,

    It breaks my heart to read a story like yours. I have posted links to this website (http://www.soapnights.com) about your daughter Madison and I will pray for her fast recovery back to a normal life. No one should have to go thorugh what you are going through, and we sometimes give up on hope when things like this happen. We turn our backs on our beliefs because we wonder why things like this happen to us. This is the time that you have to come together, keep your faith and your hopes up and think positive. My prayers are with Madison (that beautiful baby girl) and with you. Stay strong, Madison will pull through this.

    xo,

    kristin nicole

  • How much of a slave do I need to be?

    The Question:

    Long story, But I lost my good paying job in November 09. I found a minimum wage job. Trying to make my bills with what little I have, my future x husbands mother decides to have me clean her house for her on my days off. I do this for 3 weeks. She gives the money to my future x. The future x and myself still live in the same house (for now). He gave his mother the sob story that I had pissed away all our money that we had accumulated.. and partially true, but he did more so. While I refuse to tell my side of the story to his mother. Although I have proof, I will not stoop to his level. He has ruined my name in the small town in which we live. What recourse can I take? How obligated to him and his mother am I going to be for the rest of my life? Sorry I just needed to vent. Anyone have any in-site on this?

    My Response:

    Dear taken advantage of;

    Everyone has choices in life. In a marriage you choose to do things and work together or in your case get divorced (I am assuming you wrote future x because he isn’t your ex quiet yet). However, you do not have to be a slave to anyone. You were married, if you pieced away both of your funds that wasn’t right, and hopefully you learned a big lesson here. If he is part to blame then he needs to take responsibility, and if you have proof it isn’t stooping to his level if he is bringing your name down in a small town only to look like the victim. Stand up to him and his mother and figure a way out of your debt. Move out, and move on. Maybe perhaps leave this small town and move somewhere else. We all have choices in life, and you do not need to succumb to being someones “slave”. Helping clean her house for extra money is your choice, have you thought about offering your help to other people in the area, this way you aren’t only cleaning your Ex’s mom’s house and having to hear them talk about you? If cleaning houses isn’t your thing, then get up and find another job, you may have to move out of your small town to make a better living, and if this is what you have to do then do it. Again. we all have choices in life. Make a choice to stand up and stick up for yourself. If you did wrong, admit it but don’t let him take you down just because he doesn’t want to take part in your misfortunes. Stop letting them take advantage of you and do something about it.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Urgent help, Ex GF wrecking my life?

    The Question:

    An ex- girlfriend of my boyfriends will not leave us alone. She cannot handle the fact that I am now with him. She is forever sending extremely rude unnecessary emails expressing her anger and hatred and starting highly inappropriate rumors. In simple terms, she’s crazy. What can I do? Shes wrecking our relationship and my life…

    My Response:

    Dear New Girlfriend;

    It’s a hard place to be in because you can’t really stop her from starting rumors or sending you emails. You can do a few things, one change your email address so she can’t email you anymore, two talk to your boyfriend. This is his ex and he needs to stand up to her and tell her that it is over and she needs to please move on. To be mature about things and stop spreading rumors about his girlfriend/you.

    I once was with a guy who got back with his ex and she phone/email stalked me even after I broke up with him and she was back with him. Girls like this are immature and insecure, and it is hard to make them understand that what they are doing is immature and totally ridiculous. At the end of the day they broke up, I changed my phone number, email and anything possible that she may contact me with. I hated to do it, and I was very stubborn not wanting to change my phone number, I went through this for 3 straight months, phone calls at all hours of the night and more. I changed my number mainly because I got a new phone with a different company but it helped that she finally backed off.

    As for your situation it is different. Have you tried emailing her back, I know it’s hard to be nice to someone who is crazy but try to tell her that to be grown up about this situation and back off. Spreading rumors about you or emailing all the time is not going to change the facts. It’s hard and hopefully you can get through to her, if you can’t, like I said earlier, this is your boyfriends ex, not yours. So let him deal with it. Ignore her rumors don’t give her the satisfaction that it is bothering you. True friends won’t believe the rumors and they will shortly pass.
    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • How do I ask him about his sexuality and why he is cheating?


    The Question:

    If you find out that your husband or wife after several years of being together and married is into the same sex and never told you, and you find out by reading their chat history and they have been this way there whole life. They have also been camming online and chatting very sexually with men and woman. How do you bring it up?

    Additional Details
    Thank you. I don’t want a divorce i love my husband very much. I don’t care if he is bi. I just don’t want to be lied to and hurt. I just don’t know how to bring it up. I’m afraid he will turn on me and say well get over it or get out. Without any remorse.

    Like I said before the him being bi doesn’t matter. I don’t care about that. It’s the fact that I was not told. After all this time that I have invested in our relationship and thought that we were open to each other I find out that we are not i feel like I have been living a lie. It bothers me he is cheating mostly…he says anything online is a fantasy not real…

    My Response:

    Dear Lied to;

    Let’s not jump to conclusions, how do you know that he’s talking to other men on line (by their screen names?) or have you seen actual pictures. If your husband is bisexual then perhaps there is a deeper meaning behind it all, of why he hasn’t come out and told anyone. Why he got married to a women and why he is now hiding it all. I have known people who were married with children for years, and later came out that they were homosexual. Some people hide behind what they think society wants them to play, a straight man with a family is a lot easier understood then a man living with another man or women with another women. It is not something that is easy to bring up, but you deserve to know the truth. If you do not mind that he is bi-sexual (if that is the case) then that is 100% your choice to deal with, however I have to bring up him chatting very sexual things with men and women…. (It is not just a fantasy world this is a form of emotional cheating). Do you want to be with someone who is needing to chat with other people behind your back? Homosexual or not, this is not right, especially in a marriage. If you are married, you are solely committed to each other, there is no need to be sneaking behind your partners back talking and chatting with other people. You have a big question on your hands, first this isn’t going to be easy but the best way to confront this is straight on (there is no easy way and it is going to be uncomfortable for the both of you). After finding out what is really going on, then you’ll have to go from there. Do you stay with a man that is possibly bi-sexual (what does this mean?) Even if he’s bisexual does it mean it’s okay for him to be with other men while married to you? These are things you have to think about. I know you love him but think about what he is doing to you? First off by NEVER telling you the truth about his sexuality. Second going behind your back talking to other men and women. This is unacceptable, you have to have respect for yourself and see that what he is doing is wrong.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com
    Talk to your husband, communication is key to helping any relationship.

  • Should I dump my Boyfriend?

    The Question:

    Okay, so last night I said my friend was so pretty and that she has an amazing body. My boyfriend admitted to me that he was a little interested but he liked me better… I still don’t feel good that he even admitted that to me. Should I dump him? Help!

    My Response:

    Dear confused;

    It isn’t necessarily a reason to dump him, but what exactly did he say to you? Did he just agree with you that your friend is pretty and has an amazing body or did he actually say he was a little interested in her but liked you better? Either way I can see why this hurt, and what he said to you was insensitive. Unfortunately a lot of guys don’t think before they speak, and sometimes they think it’s okay to tell us that they think another girl is hot, not realizing it may hurt our feelings or make us feel a little insecure. If you feel that he might try cheating on you or that he isn’t that into you, then move on. There are many other guys out there that I am sure would love to date you. You deserve someone who is into you and you alone!

    Good luck

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com