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Category: Advice

Need Advice? I’m here to help in anyway I can…. Ask me anything and I’ll tell you what I think…

  • Will she ever love me again?

    The Question:

    Hi, I have recently split from my girlfriend of 7 years, its been 3 weeks now but it feels like its been longer, I miss her terribly I think about her morning noon & night, Its a long story but basically we had problems I suffered with depression and left her for 5 months and lived with my parents again. When I came back to her things had changed she told me we had grown apart and didn’t love me said she still cared but not like that… We sort of got back together but I was constantly suspicious of her checking her face-book & e-mails etc, then it got to the point where she wouldn’t touch me or seem to care about how I felt this dragged on for about 3 months I said a few times I will leave then hoping she would try to stop me, she just said do whatever you want to do…So I left it broke my heart, she just rang me to ask if I was alright not to come back… Since then she has posted on her face-book Ive never felt so happy, never been this happy in years, wish I would have been single years ago, but lists on her profile interested in men looking for a relationship… I spoke to her again recently well saw her actually and she was real cold towards me said that she just wants to be friends that she cares about me but will never be in a relationship with me again… It just doesn’t matter what I do or say I cant stop thinking about her I miss her so much, Does anyone think that she will ever love me like I want again? I would like anyone’s opinions please especially from women. Thanks

    My Response:

    Dear Heart Broken;

    It is hard to suffer from depression and people who don’t suffer from depression don’t understand those that do. Going to the key core, you moved out, and not just for a few days, for almost half a year, that’s a long time for your ex to evaluate your relationship and truly see how she felt about you. I know it hurts to see her happy and saying the things that she says, but the truth is that it is better to move on from someone who doesn’t love you the way you love them than to sit there hoping that one day they just might love you back. Seven Years is a long time, and there was something obviously wrong for it to have gone so astray after so long. I know it hurts because you still love her (it’s only been 3 weeks), and thinking about her day and night isn’t something that is just going to disappear in a day. You spent a long time with her and you loved her, you have history together and you probably thought you would spend the rest of your life together. It’s hard but the fact that she isn’t in love with you is reality. If she has told you that she cares for you I am sure it is because she was with you for so long and just because you aren’t in love with someone anymore doesn’t mean you stop loving or caring for them, but loving someone and being in love with someone are two different things. Try to be strong and get your life back on track, it isn’t going to be easy but you have to move on. It is better to move on now knowing that she isn’t in love with you then to keep up a relationship that is only a lie. You don’t want to spend another 7 years down the road with someone who isn’t happy, or spend it with someone who in the end is only going to end up leaving you. I am sure she has her reasons and I am sure that you are going to hurt for a long time, but I know this is a cliche saying “but time does heal all wounds”. Be strong, look at your relationship and really ask yourself if you were happy with the way things were? Or were you just comfortable? Be strong; you will find someone who will support you through the hard times and love you no matter what. If you still suffer from depression you have to really think about seeing someone or talking to someone, depression is not something easily removed.

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • How should I react around my ex?

    The Question:

    I dated this guy for 8 months who is a family friend. Our parents made us meet each other. He used me to make his ex jealous and also treated me in a way so that I would dump him after his purpose of making his ex jealous gets fulfilled. I was very serious about him and was unaware of his intentions until the very end. I broke up with him 2 months ago, now I know we will bump into each other often as our parents are friends with each other and they didn’t know about whatever happened between me and him.
    I so wanna tell him I hate him so much for whatever he did to me. How can I give him this message? To be honest I am still not over him, but I don’t want him to feel that I miss him or anything.
    Now that I know I will see him often, how should I react ? Should I ignore him completely or should I behave as if nothing ever happened? Also how can I make him feel that I hate him more than anything in this world?…

    My Response:

    Dear Used;

    It is a hard position to be in and unfortunately this is why parents shouldn’t get involved in the love life of their children. Have your parents asked about your break up? I would be honest with them, talk to your mom or your dad whoever you are closest too, it’s good to let your feelings out and they should know that their friends son is an a** so that they don’t try to make you hang out with him. If it makes you feel better tell him how you feel, but after that move on. If you have to see him I wouldn’t ignore him completely that will only show that you still care and you don’t want that. Don’t try to become best friends with him either, what he did to you was wrong, and the least he can do is apologize to you. So if you do have to see each other just casually say hello and go on your way, keep yourself busy when he’s around, or ask to go to a friends house. I am not sure how old you are, that really changes things if I knew your age, but all in all, I say it doesn’t hurt to get your feelings out by telling him how you feel and letting him know what he did was wrong. Then move on, I know it hurts and you still have feelings for him but you deserve someone a lot better than someone who is only going to use you. You did right by breaking up with him.

    xo
    kristin nicole

    UPDATE:

    Yes your age does change, you are 22 not a teenager which makes it easier for you to pick up and go, there is no reason that if your parents are hanging out with their friends that you have to be around, unless it is a dinner you are invited to. If that is the case like I said be polite and say hello as if nothing is bothering you but don’t try to strike up a conversation with him. He’s around your age too I am assuming which makes this 10 times worse, he isn’t a child and he knew what he was doing was wrong. Unfortunately some men don’t know when to grow up and see something good that is right in front of them. You are still young and even though it hurts right now, you deserve a lot better. You deserve someone who will appreciate you and love you for you, not someone who is trying to play childish games. If he’s over your house, make an excuse to go out, start hanging out with your friends again and go out dancing. Start having some fun and forget about him, trust me he isn’t worth your time.

    Good luck, if you need more advice don’t hesitate to write me a comment or email me.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Juggling your life.

    In times of stress I try to sit back, take a hot bubble bath and think about what I need to do to get back on track. Or sometimes I try to think of absolutely nothing at all. 🙂

    Juggling your life…

    It isn’t easy. Life gives you ups and downs and sometimes we go sideways, but somehow with all the worries and all the stress we figure it out and we come up on top. For me I struggle with a full time job, school, and home. I work every week from 7-4pm and then in between during lunch and when I get home I have school work, and just recently I moved into my new place. So as you can imagine after a few years of absolute spoilness (okay that might not be a word, but anyhow…) I now have to do everything myself. I have to cook dinner, do laundry and cook. Yes I have a boyfriend and he’s been helping me do dishes and clean up but even with some help it’s a bit tough. Getting into the routine of things is hard. If I didn’t have school it might be a little easier, but I’m pushing myself everyday to keep going.

    For some it’s easier….

    For me, it’s hard… School as always been a struggle for me and each day, each class gets harder with more work. If you aren’t born into a family that can afford your education you have to juggle a full time job and school. You have to take student loans and books to survive. You have to take care of yourself, your job and your education, and sometimes I just feel like calling it quits! Then when my head stops stressing and I have time to actually think, I stop myself and I think about all the hard work I’ve already put into it, and I keep on going, and I keep on pushing through. No one ever told me life would be so hard, but then again no one ever told me it would be easy either.

    xo,
    kristin nicole
    ~Random Thoughts~

  • My husband cheated for 4 years…

    The Question:

    Dear kristin nicole;

    I have read all your blogs and I have decided to write you my concerns hoping to find help by answering all my questions,
    but before that I need to narrate what happened.

    My husband and I were together for 13yrs and married for 4yrs now we have a 3.5 yrs old daughter,he was my first love.
    He is working for a luxury cruise line and away for 10 months.

    It came to my attention recently that he’s been involved with a 21yrs old passenger and just last year he went off to London. He said that he will try to find a job there, but all along he was with her. He stayed in her house, and when he came back he was a bit cold. He doesn’t want sex, he told me that he’s no longer happy; as a wife I tried to fix whatever it is that was bothering him cause I thought this was just about money. He is depressed and I did whatever it takes for him to feel that he is not alone. On March 2010 he went back on board I thought we were ok then.
    After he flew for work he will only place a call once a month and I never hear him say I love you…(Kristin I know you will tell me that he doesn’t love me anymore.)

    In short my husband is having an affair and he’s been cheating on me for 4 long years, I read all of this from his emails that I don’t know about.. I confronted him and ask him all the questions that I am entitled to know; also I told him that I will report this to his manning agency here in the Philippines. He answered everything, and explained that he used the girl for him to have a job in London. He only did it for us to have a good life and to find a stable job but all he’s emails doesn’t look like he’s using the girl. He is begging me to accept him again not for the sake of our daughter but for the sake of our relationship, he also told me that he does not love the other women.

    My question is:

    1. Is he trying to fix this situation because he’s just afraid he might be terminated?
    2. Does he really love me or he is already involved (emotionally) with this girl cause I’m thinking that aside from he opened up to me that he is no longer happy he doesn’t call us more often and no I love yous than the usual.
    3. I am thinking of leaving him for him to learn his lesson and prove to him something but he is begging me not to do it; my worries is what if he is just doing all these sorry stuffs but in the long run he will only leave us.
    4. What do you think the best thing to do cause my mind is all mixed up…

    Kristin I know you can help me please do help me…
    Looking forward for your reply.

    ~ms. blue

    My Response:

    Dear ms. blue;

    Lets start off with that you have been married for four years, and he’s been cheating on you for FOUR years! He’s been unfaithful to you and your family from the moment you got married? Is this the type of person you want to truly spend the rest of your life with? I understand that some couples have to sacrifice time away from each other and I do not know the situation you are in at home financially, but being away for 10 months is way too long, when you have a wife and a child at home. You already said to me: “(Kristin I know you will tell me that he doesn’t love me anymore.)” I can’t say that he doesn’t love you, I am sure that a part of him does, because that is why he stayed with you, and that is why you have a child together, but loving someone and being in love with someone are two different things. Your husband has cheated on you and it doesn’t just affect you, it affects your daughter, your family.

    Your husband only wanted to make it work when you threatened to tell his manning agency (I am assuming they do not tolerate infidelity). Do you realize that it wasn’t until you threatened him to tell his agency about the affair did he then only asked you not to leave him? Of course he is going to tell you things like, he doesn’t love this other women, and that he was only with her to get a job. “He did it for you”. REALLY?!? So is it okay for you to sleep with another man to get a better job? But it’s okay if you did it for him, right? NO IT’S NOT OKAY!!! That is a lame excuse and you should not fall for it. You need to have respect for yourself, love yourself, and realize that even though it hurts, even though you love him, that you deserve better than this!

    To answer your questions directly:

    1. Is he trying to fix this situation because he’s just afraid he might be terminated? I think you already know this answer, if not you wouldn’t be asking it. Like I already said, he didn’t start asking you to come back to him, or begging for you not to leave him until you threatened to tell his agency. What does this tell you?

    2. Does he really love me or he is already involved (emotionally) with this girl cause I’m thinking that aside from he opened up to me that he is no longer happy he doesn’t call us more often and no I love yous than the usual? If the girl he was cheating on you with is 21 and he’s been cheating on you with her for 4 years, are you telling me that she was only 17 when he started sleeping with her? Okay 1. That is wrong on all levels. 2. If it is the same girl for 4 years then I think it may be clear to say that yes he is emotionally involved. 3. A 21 year old was supposed to get him a job in LONDON???? How much power does this girl have over there? 4. Are you sure this is the only girl he’s had an affair with?
    He doesn’t call you and he doesn’t tell you I love you, does this sound like a man who really wants to save his marriage?

    3. I am thinking of leaving him for him to learn his lesson and prove to him something but he is begging me not to do it; my worries is what if he is just doing all these sorry stuffs but in the long run he will only leave us?     Do not leave him for the reasons you say. You leaving him is not going to teach him any kind of lesson he already doesn’t know. You can not leave him expecting him to learn some kind of lesson and come running back to you. You should leave him because he was unfaithful, you should leave him because you deserve someone to love you for you and be faithful to not only you but your daughter. Think about your daughter, is he?

    4. What do you think the best thing to do cause my mind is all mixed up???     The best thing for you to do is really think about what you are feeling, read what you wrote to me, and truly find it inside you to get up and be strong.

    No one deserves to be cheated on, no one deserves to feel the way you are feeling right now. Your husband has cheated on you, he’s betrayed your trust and your love. He has only asked for you not to leave him once you threatened to tell his agency, and he barely calls you or tells you that he loves you. He’s not only NOT calling you, he’s not calling to speak to his daughter that he barely sees. Is this a marriage? Is this a family? Have respect for yourself and love yourself. You can only be strong once you realize that you deserve a real man! A man who will work for his family but not cheat on his family.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    ~Remember to always respect yourself and love yourself, this is the only way one can see the truth in what we don’t want to see.~

  • Would you trust this women?

    The Question:

    She lives an hour away. She never invites me to her place or will hang out with me near her home or where she works. Refuses to see me during the work week. She never calls and maybe texts me once or twice a week. The only time I see her is when she drives down to my place or we meet in a hotel. She has guy friends. She admits to sleeping with one before we dated. She says I should trust her what are your thoughts?

    My Response:

    Dear Trustworthy;

    If you are asking all these questions, then the answer is right in front of you. You obviously don’t trust her, and I don’t blame you. If you are dating and sleeping together and she hasn’t taken you home, then I would wonder if perhaps she is married or living with a boyfriend. Maybe she has a kid and she doesn’t want you to meet him or her. Either way, there is definitely something there. You hardly talk, she only texts you once or twice a week and you don’t see her during the week. If you do see her, you are meeting in hotels, and I’m pretty sure you aren’t doing much talking there. If you want to just stay with her for the few romps in the sheet once a week, then go for it, but if you want a relationship with this women I would advise asking her straight out all the questions you are asking. Be honest and if you really want a relationship with this women then you need to be up front with her about what you are feeling. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Am I spending enough time with him?

    The Question:

    My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now and we live about an hour apart, so we don’t get to see each other that much. Maybe once or twice a week ( half a day) some weeks we don’t even see each other. He was overseas for Christmas and I didn’t see him for a month. I’m not the kind of person to cling to him or be obsessed and stuff but recently its been bugging me. The fact that he isn’t here when I need him really gets to me :(. I don’t think we spend enough time with each other although he says he tries his best. I don’t go out with my guy and girl friends anymore because it upsets him if I go alone. He has uni all the time and stuff and so do I but i try to make time for him and he does not seem to make time for me. We were suppose to go out with friends on Friday but he said he has a group meeting. We changed it to Saturday and he says he promised his friend they would hang out! Should I just break up with him??

    My Response:

    Dear Long Distance;

    It’s a hard decision and I can see that you really care for him and perhaps even love him, but long distance relationships whether it be across the country or just an hour away is hard. You need a boyfriend that is there for you, you can’t really have a true relationship if you aren’t able to spend time together and get to know each other in person. No one can make the decision for you to break up with him or not, that is something that only you can do. The fact that you are asking the question shows that it is on your mind. Evaluate your relationship, you said:

    ** You live an hour away, but you only see each other 1 to 2 times a week and only for half a day. (An hour isn’t a short drive, but it also isn’t that far), if he really wants to see you he’ll make the effort to come down on the weekends. I’m not sure how his schedule is, so maybe he can’t come down on the weekends, and if this is the case this is something that is hard to change.

    ** You don’t go out with your friends because he does not like you going out alone. (Okay, if you aren’t hanging out with him because he wants to hang out with his guy friends, explain to me why it’s okay for him but not for you)?

    Long distance is hard, and if one of you is making the effort and the other person isn’t, then there is a decision you definitely have to make. I know it’s hard but if you love him, and he really wants to make it work, you guys will figure it out. If you feel it isn’t going to work, then it’s best to go your separate ways now and find someone closer that you can have a good relationship with. Someone you can see more often and go on dates with. Take maybe a few days off from each other and see how you feel then. Don’t keep waiting though, time doesn’t stop for love….
    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Recent forced breakup with girlfriend!?

    The Question:

    I have had a recent breakup with my long-term girl friend because she has lost the love she once had for me and does not want to be with me anymore. I have never cheated on her or hurt her. I have always stood up for her and been by her side fighting through thick and thin, She has now left me even though i begged her to not leave me as I love her a lot. What can I do to win her back someday? I am prepared to wait for her whenever she decides to return to me. Also I am a loner with little or no friends. Is it possible that this girl will see my true love for her someday?

    My Response:

    Dear Loner;

    I know this is hard… to lose someone you love, to have always been there for them and wonder why they just one day decided to not love you anymore. Unfortunately you can wait days, months or maybe even years, but the fact remains that she had to make a decision and if she feels that she doesn’t love you, then it was best that she told you then to leave you lingering around hoping to one day grow in a relationship that isn’t even there. We all choose things in life, you say that you are a loner with little or no friends. Start opening up, you need get confidence and realize that you are worth it, and that you can also have friends. Start hanging out with the little friends you do have, and open up to them. Start talking to other girls and you may get turned down a few times, but if you have the confidence you will meet someone who will love you for you. I know it’s hard now, but you have to move forward, and one day you will see that her breaking up with you is better than her lying to you about loving you. Love is hard, but get the courage to get back out there, stop being a loner and start hanging out with friends, you don’t know what you are missing out on until you get out there.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Son in law wiggled his sex package in front of me last night?

    The Question:

    My son in law said I looked depressed and horny and he thought I needed a pick me up.I am all that but he is my son in law and he wiggled his sex package in front of me last night. How can I get a guy like my son in law to do that for me otherwise?…

    My Response:

    Dear Depressed;

    I think the main concern here is the fact that your daughters son is wiggling his “package” in front of you. Do you not find this a concern for your daughter? First I would worry about the subject at hand, I think you need to be honest with your daughter and tell her that her husband is going around showing you his “package”. That is the first thing that needs to stop. Then get down to why you are feeling depressed. Feeling horny is natural for a persons body to go through, so stop being depressed, get off the couch and get out there. Start hanging out with friends and try to meet a nice guy. You definitely don’t want someone like your son in law. Would you want your boyfriend or husband showing their “package” to someone else? You need to see why you are feeling depressed and do something about it. I know it’s easier said than done. I don’t know how old you are, or why you are feeling depressed so I can’t give you more advice unless I know what you are feeling. My main point, tell your daughter about your son in law, tell him that was inappropriate and find out why you are feeling depressed. Horny??? Get a toy for now to satisfy your needs, until you can meet a good guy to do it for you.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Why do in-laws interfere in relationships?

    The Question:

    Although me and my girlfriend are not married we have a son together whose 2. We seem to always get into this situation sometimes not all the time where if my girlfriend is upset about something the mum is blaming me. An example is my girlfriend started to cry cause my son wouldn’t eat his dinner she starts crying and the mum is saying this happens cause I spoil him. Everything I tell my girlfriend she tells her mum she is Slovakian and does not speak English. She comes over a few times a year. I told her I was not interested in her opinion and what she says cause if feels at times I’m getting teamed up against me. Am I out of order? How much influence should in laws have?

    My Response:

    Dear Influenced;

    Unfortunately in-laws sometimes tend to interfere because they think they are helping more then harming the situation. You need to talk to your girlfriend, because you do not want to make a relationship that is already rocky with the in-laws worse than what they already are. Explain to your girlfriend that you feel uncomfortable and that you do not like when her mother starts blaming you for things going wrong in the house. If your mother in-law only visits a few times out of the year, try not to stress about it too much, at least she isn’t over every weekend. When she is over, try to do stuff around the house (yard work) anything to try and make space so she can be with your girlfriend alone and you don’t have to really be involved with their time together. Make time to sit with them for dinner so she see’s you are still making time to spend with her, even if she is a pain in the you know what. It’s best to get along with the in-laws, because they will be in your life for a long time. Talk to your girlfriend and tell her how you feel. Communication is key…

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • I don’t feel protected by my spouse?

    The Question:

    I don’t feel protected by my spouse? Recently, my husband and I went out for my birthday to a local bar and grill. My husband’s ex wife happened to work there. As we were leaving my cousin popped something off to the woman, who immediately called a friend to come to the bar. After telling everyone goodbye in the parking lot I went in to apologize. On my way out a woman I didn’t know (the ex’s friend) shoved me into the glass door (she came from outside) and continued to harass me. She pulled my hair, and naturally out of instinct I punched her. My husband broke us up, and right after left?? I had no idea who this woman was, or how she knew what I looked like? My husband blamed the incident on me, saying I should of left once I found out his ex worked there, even though I was nice to her? His ex later wrote a facebook message in which my husband didn’t respond to the things she said to me. I am concerned, my husband and I had been fighting prior to my birthday dinner, but regardless I feel he should of stayed and protected me, or at least made sure I was okay? I can’t get over it, and when I try to talk about it he lashes out at me. Please give me some feedback, I need some other opinions. Also, when I asked why he left, he said he was afraid people he worked with would see?? I’m lost. I just don’t feel like he would protect me, and I am beginning to wonder why the situation doesn’t bother him? Am I overreacting??

    I DID NOT SAY ANYTHING TO HIS WIFE. I APOLOGIZED FOR MY COUSIN’S ACTIONS!

    *Also, where we live there is only one place to drink, and it is a dry county. No one my husband knew or worked with was there that night besides his ex. Turns out he went there the Saturday prior and was told his ex worked there, even though he denies it.

    My Response:

    Dear Unprotected;

    The fact that he did not stand up for you and the fact that he is getting upset over something with his ex worries me. Why is he so defensive on his ex’s feelings and not yours? Why is he getting so defensive if he is not hiding anything. The fact that you went inside to be the bigger person and apologize for your cousins actions shows that you were doing the right thing. It was your birthday, if your husband felt uncomfortable from the beginning knowing his ex wife was there, then he should have said something and you could have gone somewhere else, if there was no other place to go (as indicated you are in a dry county) then he should have enjoyed it with you and not worried so much about what others would say or think. Aren’t you his wife now? I don’t understand the big problem. As for getting in a fight with the ex-wife’s friend, the friend started it, were you supposed to allow her to pull your hair and hit you? You did right by defending yourself. I don’t expect your husband to fight another women, and he did pull you apart but he should have not been so upset with you afterwords, especially when you were trying to explain to him what happened in the first place.

    You need to get to the bottom of this, it sounds like your husband may be upset about something else or he’s hiding something that he lashes out every time you try to bring this up. You need to sit down with him, when he’s in a good mood, tell him that you want to talk and you don’t want him to get upset because he needs to listen to what you have to say and take in what you have to say before responding back to you with any negative feedback. Explain to him that you were only trying to do the right thing by going in an apologizing for your cousin, the fact that you were being the bigger person should show that it didn’t even bother you that she was there. If something is bothering him, he needs to let you know, because you cannot live not talking to each other over a petty fight.
    Hope it works out for you.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com