I just found out after 2 years of him lying to me, that I’m the “other woman”. They just got married a couple months ago and have kids. All along he’s told me that he wasn’t with anyone else. Should I tell his wife before it their marriage goes any further? Or should I do nothing and just walk away?
My Response:
Dear Other Women;
This is a hard position to be in because you were cheated on as well and didn’t know you were the other woman. It is truly your decision! A part of me says she has a right to know that her husband is a cheating b@#$@#$! However, you have to take into consideration that she has children, and do you want to be the one to tell her that her husband is an A#$HOLE??? Best thing to do in this situation to not cause more drama for yourself is to just walk away. I know it’s hard and you are hurt and you want to let her know that her husband is a cheater, but really think about it before you actually go running up and telling her this. She may want proof, and she may get upset at you even though it is not your fault. Look at this as if you were her, would you want the other women to come tell you there was another women? Walk away, and never see this man again. Sorry this happened to you but it is better you found this out now than later.
My wife and I have been married for 14 years. Most of those years have been happy, but the one ongoing issue in our marriage is her complete and utter disinterest in intimacy. Usually she would just decide to give in once a month or so and we would be intimate, but lately she doesn’t even do that. She acts as if it is a task to even give me a quick hug or kiss, which is a slap in the face to me. I have been secretly checking her to see if she is sending her affections elsewhere and haven’t seen anything. All of this is getting to the point where I am starting to get really depressed. We have two boys who I love dearly, and leaving just isn’t an option. I can’t do that to my boys. I don’t want to look elsewhere either because I really do not want to leave that kind of example for them. I literally am in a spot where I cannot win. Every time that I talk to her about this, it turns into a huge fight about how I just feel like she doesn’t have sex with me enough. She doesn’t want to listen when I try to explain that it isn’t just about sex, but intimacy. I am so angry, hurt, and depressed and just do not know what to do. She won’t do any counseling because she doesn’t think that she is wrong. Any input on this will be greatly appreciated.
My Response:
Dear Trying to make it work;
You are in a hard spot, because you have already tried to communicate to your wife about the way you feel and she only wants to start arguing with you because she doesn’t want to hear you saying things about her that she may not want to face. I usually have an answer but it seems you are on the right track by being faithful to your family, however, you need love too and it is not fair for you to stay in a marriage that you are just not happy in. You need to sit with her again and tell her that this isn’t only about sex but about your affection towards each other, you feel she is distant and things need to change if she wants to save your marriage. Counseling is not a bad idea, but she definitely has to agree to it first. I am sorry you are in such a hot spot, but have faith, and patience and hopefully she will come around. If she doesn’t see the faults in her actions, you need to really think about your relationship and your position. I understand you love your kids but kids retain and see everything that is going around them, and is it healthy for them to see an unhealthy relationship growing in their own home? Or to separate and still be there for them but have them understand that sometimes things just don’t work out. If you stay and you are miserable that is an option but is it worth it? Is it worth sacrificing your happiness for your kids for them only to grow up and leave the house and have their own family one day, and having perhaps intimacy issues with their spouse because they don’t see anything wrong with not being affectionate? You have to see this in all angles, it isn’t just about mommy and daddy getting a divorce, and having two houses to go to, it’s so much more than that and children see and feel more than we can ever imagine. You really need to sit with your wife again and let her know that this is about more than just sex and your relationship is in danger… We all deserve to be honest with each other and ourselves. Good luck
I’ve been with my other half for over 15 yrs and lately I’ve found myself looking and fantasizing about other men. I’m 34 and don’t feel old and I just don’t think I should be confined to just having sex once in a while. He’d be quite happy if it only ever happened once a month and I need it a lot more than that. It hasn’t always been like that.. thankfully, but it has just gradually gotten less and less.
I love him dearly, but I’m starting to wonder if the offer ever came up about an affair, I would do it.
My Response:
Dear Sexually Frustrated;
An affair is not the answer. If the only problem in your marriage/relationship is not enough sex, talk to your husband/boyfriend. Tell him you need more than just his once a month romp in the sack. You are still young and of course your needs are not being met so it is understandable to have a few fantasies, but crossing that line into having an affair is not only immoral but just plain out wrong and the most betrayal anyone can cause on another person. If you aren’t happy, COMMUNICATE! I don’t know why people just do not communicate and just think cheating will solve the answers. If you truly love him cheating on him is a risk you are taking on loosing him forever. If you really love him and you just want more sex then tell him. Throw on some lingerie during the day and spice it up in the bedroom at night, maybe even buy yourself a toy. If he’s still throwing you to the side, start talking to him. Let him know you are serious about needing to have your needs be met because you are starting to feel distant from him. Talking sometimes solves a lot.
Okay so yesterday I was arguing with my dad and we got into it pretty bad and… I smacked him as hard as I could in the face, and he started crying! I started to laugh because I never seen my dad cry before not like that…..Just wondering if I took it too far? What should I do? This isn’t the first time this has happened. Where I smacked him, it’s been on several occasions but I can’t control my anger, and I just did this same thing last week! Should I feel bad? Because I really don’t! I am enjoying the rest of my night drinking, hanging out back in my house after the fight, and I feel good right now. I am 28 and he is 86! Let me know your opinion please.
Additional Details
I mean he deserved it, he was talking crap and making me mad so I busted him in the freaken mouth….A little blood busted his lip pretty good, but he’ll be alright. Just another day in paradise couldn’t ask for more.
My Response:
Dear Smacked;
I think you need to get help on your anger issues and I think that what you are doing is not only cruel to your father but just plain out mean! You are taking advantage of your Dad, being 86 years old and the fact that he doesn’t turn around and smack you in the face right back just astonishes me. If I were your dad, I would have not only smacked your a@# back but I would have told you that if you cannot control your anger to get out of my house. You live in his house right? If you do not like his rules you are 28 years old, get out and live on your own. What you are doing to your dad is not only wrong but abusive. You need to control your anger now before it gets worse. This is not OKAY and this NOT Normal behavior. I don’t care if he called you 10 million names and put you down, that does not make it okay to smack your dad in the mouth and make him bleed. You are very lucky that your dad does not hit you back or kick you out of his home. Good luck with taking care of that anger, I really hope you do because you are going down the wrong path.
We were together 8 months and he broke up with me a month ago. Main reasons were my anger problems and because I cheated when things were rocky. He said he couldn’t take my sh!t anymore and told me it was over for good this time. But, he kept hacking into my accounts online and ‘checking up’ on me, telling guys to f*ck off, so we argued about that. Then, he got with his girl-friend and that hurt me badly because he had always told me they were just friends and never will be together. He told me how she was prettier, slimmer, nicer and everything. Then, she dumped him and he called me up saying that he wanted me back, because arguing with her reminded him of us arguing and he realized he missed me because of the good times blah blah.
Him and her are staying friends now , but he loves her and he told me that he called me up for a laugh at my expense and wanted nothing to do with me. Then I found out from her that his argument was that I hurt him so he was trying to hurt me for revenge and now he’s done that he wont take it any further. He just wants his hoody back.
What should I do from now? I’m clueless, please help!
My Response:
Dear Ex;
I am not sure what your real question is here. You cheated on him and he was hurt so he moved on. Whether it was with a “friend” or not, he had every right to move on. As far as him calling you to tell you he wanted you back just to get back at you for you hurting him, that was very childish and very immature. There really was no reason for that, if he truly was over it and moved on he wouldn’t have had to try to call you and lie to you just to try and hurt your feelings. If he wants his hoody back tell him it will be outside of your house and if he doesn’t come to pick it up throw it away. After what he did just to get “revenge” I would just toss it out. What you did to him was not right by any means and he has every right to be angry and upset about it but if that happened a while ago and he’s moved on with another girlfriend I do not see why he is still thinking about you and what you did to him. As for his girlfriend, she is also immature because I would never allow my boyfriend to call his ex-girlfriend to tell her that kind of lie, that is only causing more drama. Drama that is un-needed! Move on girl, find yourself a mature boyfriend, but first I hope you are working on your anger issues, because it will be very hard for you to find a healthy relationship if you can not control your anger or your cheating. Good luck
My husband has been working 4 hours away while he learns a new trade. He has been gone for a month and a half. He came to visit for my son’s birthday last week and while he was here I couldn’t get a kiss or ever a hug unless I asked for it or initiated. He barely spoke to me for the two days. I knew something was wrong and he said he was just tired, or sick, or whatever excuse he could grab at that seemed somewhat realistic.
I got an email last night about how he is enjoying being by himself, and he doesn’t mind not being around me. Then he started talking about all the things we’ve fought about over the last 7 years. About a year ago, out of the blue, he told me he wanted to separate. I was completely devastated and my life felt like it was crumbling away. We had a baby at the time and I just couldn’t imagine our family breaking apart. Plus I absolutely LOVE his family. If it weren’t for them Id have nothing. I have no family besides them.
We obviously talked and patched things up somewhat, but I guess once that scar is there it never totally heals. I’m feeling the pain all over again, and now its worse because I’m 14 weeks pregnant. I thought we were going to be able to have a family together. I’m so devastated and my head is spinning. I don’t know what to do.
My question is, if he decides to leave, what steps should I take to protect myself? Should I go see a lawyer? I’m so worried that because he makes more money than me that he will get the children. I love them so much. IF I didn’t have my children or my family then I really have nothing to live for. They are what GIVES me life. What should I do to be proactive? Help me please. I’m terrified….
My Response:
Dear Wife & Mother;
The position you are in is very scary and I think you need to take time to breath and gather your thoughts. You definitely need to see a lawyer to get all your options in gear. Just because your husband makes more money than you does not mean that he will gain full custody it also doesn’t mean that because he wants a divorce that he will want the kids full time. If your husband works a lot he may not have time for the children 247. Also, just because you may loose your husband I am sure you will not loose the love from his family. I am sure that they will still be there for you, especially knowing that this divorce is not your decision. You husband knowing he felt this way should had never gotten you pregnant again and I am not sure how the relationship was going when this happened so I won’t lecture you, but if you knew he had feelings of separation a year prior you should have seen some signs of him still being distant (again I do not know your situation so perhaps this isn’t the case) however, it is what is and you are now pregnant and you have a two year old, so you need to be strong for them. Loosing your husband is hard, but that doesn’t mean you are loosing your family. If his family truly loves you, they will always be there for you and you will always have your children. Be strong and get a lawyer so that you know what your options are. Good luck, have faith and I know this is hard but don’t give up on yourself.
I knew how much it hurt to lose a dog before, her name was Tessy. I grew up with her since I was 6-7 years old and I was about 16 when we found out she had cancer and we had to put her to sleep. That was different. This was different.
Last Picture Taken of Oz RIP
I got Oz when he was only about 2 months old, he was the one dog sleeping close to his mom and I should have known he would be a mama’s boy. I took him home and he cried for hours only until I would lay him on top of me to hear my heart beat would he stop crying. Oz was a terror, I’m not going to lie. He would climb the gate I put up for him in the laundry room, tear up anything in site, he chewed through my A/C cord and I had to replace it with no A/C for a few days, he would pee when he would see you from excitement and he never learned to behave in his kennel, even making a whole big enough to escape, he also escaped from the kennel that had only one hinge, we called him Houdini. But Oz was something special, I am not saying he was cute because he was my dog, but anyone who met Oz just thought he was so handsome. He had a look to him that no other Miniature Dachshund had. He was the most loving dog you would ever meet, when he kissed you he would start crying from all the emotions he had inside, some may say he was neurotic I say he was SPECIAL!
The worse part of this all is that he had been living with my mom for the past 3 years, and the last year he was 247 with them. I couldn’t keep him with me because I didn’t have a place to take him to and I was looking and searching for a home so I can finally take him with me. The last time I saw him was this past week that I spent with him, and I feel like I didn’t give him enough attention. It feels so unreal that he’s gone so unreal that he was taken from us in such a way. Those who know me know how it happened, but I am choosing not to discuss it on my blog. Just know that no animal should ever have to die the way he did, and although the vets say he didn’t suffer I cry knowing I wasn’t there for him. My mom and my sister had to endure the pain of seeing him and finding him and I feel bad that they were the ones that had to go through that. My sister took care of Oz, and loved him like her own and I am so grateful that he got that love from her, that he was there for her and her for him. I am so sorry Alex that you had to see him that way and that you have to go through such pain, just remember that he loved you and that now he is with Tessy in heaven. I love you and I want to thank you for taking good care of Oz while he was with us. I want to thank my mom too for taking care of him and watching him for me when I couldn’t. I am sorry Mom that you had to see him that way and just know that it was no ones fault. We can all live with the “WHAT IF’S” in life, but it is not going to change that he gone and we cannot blame ourselves for something that we did not know was going to happen.
I thought I knew pain, but this pain is so much different. Oz wasn’t just a pet or a dog that you had, he was my family, he was my baby. I would tell people did you see my son? And they would look at me like ” you have a kid” and I would show them Oz’s picture. 🙂
Oz was my baby, he will always be my baby and no one can ever replace you in my heart! I love you papuchi and I will always remember and miss you.
Precious with OzRIP Oz
Me and Oz when he was a baby – I’m going to miss you xo
xo
kristin nicole
Any tips on how to ensure your wife is not “too tired” when we go to bed?
I try to help out but I need to try other ways of ensuring that come bed time we don’t just go to sleep! I think it is true to say I am very keen in bed and perhaps that gets a bit much every night.
My Response:
Dear Bed Time;
Do not wait until you go to bed. If you get home from work and you have kids to take care of, I can understand it may be a little harder to just jump your wife for some fun in bed right after work, if you do not have kids, I say do just that. If you do have kids, then make sure the kids are in bed at a good hour so that you can have mommy and daddy time together and do not wait until you watched some of your TV shows to try and set the mood, go for the win as soon as you get into bed. If you do have kids, I can understand that they take a lot of energy from you so she may not be in the mood every night even if you try to set the mood as soon as she gets into bed, but try to spice things up and be romantic. I can not really tell you what to do because I do not know your wife or your situation but just try to spice things up in the bedroom and do not wait until 11pm at night when you know that is when she usually goes to sleep. Good luck!
I am engaged to my boyfriend but very scared of marriage. I just keep thinking it will change us, we will become distant, and the love will die, or what if we go off each other. I have always felt like this, even in long term relationships, like i feel trapped even though I’m not. My bf is very certain he wants to be with me for the rest of his life. why do i feel this way? and do any other females feel the same, cos I’ve only really heard of men being scared of marriage but it;s the other way round here.
My Response:
Dear Fear;
You are not the only female to feel this way, I know a few that are also scared of the commitment and getting married; however most women that I’ve talked to, that feel this way are usually due to a past experience, either a former relationship or growing up with divorced parents or perhaps parents getting a divorce after 20+ years. Which ever it is, this is something you truly have to be positive about. If you are just scared that things will change, sometimes we just have to face our fears and have faith that things will work out. Marriage is not easy, and of course you are going to fight and things will change, but mostly for the good. You are growing and your family is growing and if you two really love each other there is no reason to not move forward. You have to look deep inside yourself and ask yourself why it is you think you feel trapped, and do not block out the answers that come to mind, those are usually the honest answers but we tend to block them out and be in denial about what is really bothering us. If you love him, you need to stop your fear, think positive and move forward, if there is something else there, you need to really look at it before getting married. Good luck.
She was caught cheating on me with a married man whom she knew when they were both teenagers. I warned her to stop all contacts with him after she begged for forgiveness and wanted another chance, but recently I found out she email him some of her latest pictures. When I questioned her, she said it was nothing but just a matter of showing him what she did and who her friends are during one of her trainings, and that the other guy was still concerned about her and that they remain as platonic friends and contact each other via Skype occasionally. I know I have no way to control her but what should I do?
My Response:
Dear No Control;
Let me get this straight, your wife cheated on you with another married man, and you took her back? I don’t care if they knew each other in diapers, cheating is wrong on all levels and you should have never taken her back. The trust is obviously gone, and cheating is one of the worst betrayals anyone can take. She betrayed not only your trust, but your marriage and your respect. The fact that she is still staying in touch with this guy shows her no regard for your feelings. You have to make a decision and it is not one someone can answer or someone can do for you. You need to decide if you want to stay in a marriage where the person cheated on you, a marriage where there are lies and no trust or if you want to finally stand up have RESPECT for yourself and get out. You deserve someone who won’t cheat on you and someone who will love you for you.
