Category: Advice

The Question:

Should I leave my girlfriend, I love her more than anything in this s**t hole called earth,but I am a lost cause…I wish her the best and with me she cant have it. The one thing i am good at is bringing suffering to others around me. I know she could do better than me, she is a very good person, too good for a bastard like me. I don’t know what I will do without her but it is not about me, it is about her having a better life,so should I leave her?

My Response:

Dear Better;

Lets start off with why you believe earth is a big s**t hole, why do you feel that you bring only suffering to others and why do you feel that you aren’t good enough for your girlfriend? Sounds to me like you need to talk to someone, you sound depressed and this isn’t healthy. Life comes with it’s up and downs, and I don’t know what happened to you for you to think this way, but if you have a girlfriend, I’m thinking somewhere down the line you did something right. Something that made this girl like you enough to date you. I do not think you should break up with your girlfriend because you are having pity for yourself. Get up and do something about it, talk to someone, start feeling better about yourself and life. Life can be a s**t hole, I won’t lie, but Life can also be wonderful, happy, astonishing. Look around you, look at your girlfriend that you love so much, do you want a better life for her? Then make one for her, with you in it. It is possible, no one person is jinxed to bring suffering to everyone around them. Think positive and have faith in yourself, confidence that you are the right one for your girlfriend. If you still feel like wallowing up in your own sorrow, then break up with your girlfriend and go figure out what it is you need to do to make yourself feel better, but stop feeling sorry for yourself and get out there. Find what it is you want and life and make it happen. I hope you find the help you need, the happiness we all deserve and the love that is right in front of you.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

I’ve been married 22 years and I feel like I don’t have anything to show for. I mean I didn’t go to college, I chose to get married and have kids, but now that I’m 42 yrs old, I feel like I have nothing to show for it. Am I having a mid life crisis? We don’t really do anything as a couple. I need more for some reason. Please help!

Additional Details
I don’t know what to say to my husband anymore without him thinking I want to be with another man cause I don’t want another man. I want a life!!!

My Response:

Dear Need More;

I do not think you are having a mid-life crisis, I just think that now that your kids are all grown up and you are at home that you are bored. Do you work? You are still young, go back to school if you want. You can go to an actual campus or you can try on-line classes, I know so many people your age that go back to school and get their degrees, it’s never too late. You chose to get married young and have your kids and that isn’t a bad thing, you may just be feeling a bit bored/lost since your kids are all grown up and you said you don’t really do things with your husband as a couple. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. If you have tried telling him, make plans and show him what you want. Tell him exactly what you told us here “I don’t want another man. I want a life!!!” Life is too short for you to sell yourself short now, figure out what it is you really want and go for it.
Good luck!

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

Two years ago when I was 16 my (current) boyfriend messed around and starting going out with this girl, I only found this out through one of his friends as he refused to talk to me apart from the occasional ‘**** off’ etc. Obviously I was upset by this and a few days later he left her and said we could get back together, I was angry/upset at him still and I guess I wanted him to feel bad for what he’d done so I told him I’d slept with someone else after he’d left me (I hadn’t – I was a virgin), not thinking about the consequences, being that young. I shamefully pretended I’d gone to the doctors and they’d told me I was pregnant and I said I’d had one of those pills that flushes out all of the fetus etc. Immediately after I lied I completely regretted it, I’d just wanted to upset him for upsetting me and it got out of hand. 2 years later, we’re still together but I feel so guilty for lying to him I don’t know what to do. If I told him the truth I’m sure he’d break up with me and I wouldn’t blame him at all, but I don’t want to lose him. I know what I’ve done is wrong so please don’t lecture me. Any advice?

My Response:

Dear lies;

Two years is a long time to keep such a horrible lie to yourself. I understand you were young, but how young were you that you didn’t realize that the lie you were telling would cost you in the long run? This is something to never lie about and I’m sure you know that now, so I’m not going to go on about that, however, like I said two years is a long time. I know you are scared that your boyfriend might break up with you if he knows you lied to him, but if he was willing to forgive you for the lie, I’m sure he’ll feel better knowing that what you had told him wasn’t even true. Sure he might be upset with you that you lied and that it hurt him, but he wasn’t angel in all of this either. I’m not saying that made what you told him right, but honestly you should have never even taken him back after he cheated on you. Trust is a very valuable thing in a relationship, and without it there really isn’t a relationship to begin with. You have to have respect for yourself and know that you are better than that, that you are worth much more than second best. When a man cheats on you, you are only putting yourself down by going back with them, believing that you can’t get any better or just settling because you think this is love. What you did wasn’t any better, lying about being pregnant by another man and getting it terminated is a huge lie. You lied and now you have to live with it.

You know that saying, “You made your bed, now lie in it”. That’s exactly what you are going to have to do. If you don’t confess the truth to your boyfriend you can try to live with this lie forever, but eventually it will eat at you because the guilt is what is killing you inside. Be honest for the first time with each other, and explain to him what you explained to us. You were young and hurt and even though that is not an excuse you lied about this to hurt him. You are sorry but you can’t take it back and you just want him to understand what you did was wrong and that you want to be honest with him and hope that you can move past this together. Good luck

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

I have been in a relationship for 5 months with a 25yr old guy who works and lives about 1.5hours away from me. So it is similar to that of a long distance relationship, however on weekends he comes down here and stays at his parents which is 20 mins away.

Most of the time I try to go up once a week to visit him, I am a 20yr student without a job so I have a lot of spare time and can easily do that. Recently however I have been more busy then usual and I started to feel a little left out of my boyfriends life. He is a very social person, and most weekends when he comes down he has a lot of plans with friends. Sometimes he goes to things that I am not invited to, but in the same token I also attend friends birthday that he isn’t invited to either. However, I have felt increasingly left out and unappreciated. I feel as though I am convenient for him and that he doesn’t make me a priority.

I tried to be patient and have my own life, but sometimes I felt as though I would have to twist his arm to make plans with me. I’d usually spend 2 of the 3 nights he is here, with him. It started to really hurt me about a month ago, when I started to see other peoples relationship and the sacrifices they would make for their partners. I felt as though my partner didn’t compromise his social life to include me.

I spent most of this weekend with my friends and going out socializing. My boyfriend got quiet upset about this, cause he usually prefers me being at home with no plans then going out. I spent that time away from him to think and gain some perspective. I told him we needed to talk yesterday and he started to get concerned. I went over today and broke up with him because I felt we didn’t spend enough time together.

The thing is that I wanted to try make it work, but we had the same conversation before and I knew that I had to be strong and make a decision. However, it still hurts and I still want to be with me. I just know that it is not good enough anymore and it’s hurting me.

When I told him he was very devastated and just wanted to let me think about it. He said that he knew that spending time with me was always going to be difficult because he lives in another city, and he can’t see me as much as he would like to. At the same time I feel as though he should have tried harder. So, I had already decided in my mind that I needed to make a clean break and he recognized that he couldn’t convince me otherwise. Then he asked me if I had cheated on him on the weekend (which I said no, because I didn’t and couldn’t do that to him). Then he just said I was the best girlfriend he ever had and how much he would miss me and how it as the worst thing that could happen. He just hugged me while I cried, then I had to go before it got too difficult. He tried to kiss me and said he call me tomorrow, but I told him not to contact me again.

He still wants to talk about it, but I really don’t think he can change. I feel as though I want to be with him still, but I know that it would hurt me. I think I did the right thing, although I still have such strong feelings for him. I am not sure what to feel or think, I just feel shocked and broken. And I know I will question whether this was the right thing to do. What to you guys think?

My Response:

Dear long distance;

First off you both should be doing things together when he goes down to visit, what is this that you aren’t invited, or he wasn’t invited BS?!? You are a couple and couples do things together, you don’t need to be invited to know you should automatically be invited because you are the other persons boyfriend or girlfriend. Any type of long distance is going to be hard and take a lot of work. An hour and a half isn’t that bad if you truly want to make things work, life does get busy and no one said it would be easy but it’s possible. If he’s going out with only his friends when he comes to visit and expects you to stay home, that isn’t right. Why should you have to stay home if he isn’t inviting you to hang out with him on the weekends. You are still young but you need someone that is going to want to be with you all the time, especially in this situation that he doesn’t see you very often. If you were the best girlfriend he’s ever had (as he puts it) then why wasn’t he spending the time with you instead of going around hanging out with his friends and not even inviting you?

I think you did the right thing. If you aren’t happy and you have had this conversation with him before and nothing has changed then it’s more than likely it will never change. You deserve someone better. I know it hurts now, and you wish you could be with him, but if he really cared for you or loved you, this wouldn’t have even been an issue. He wants to still talk about it, because men/women want what they can’t have. He didn’t think you would actually break up with him, so now he doesn’t know what to do. Move on, and find yourself a real man! You can do much better.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on a/ href=”http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100503061411AAqYorN”>Answers.Yahoo.com