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Category: Advice

Need Advice? I’m here to help in anyway I can…. Ask me anything and I’ll tell you what I think…

  • Why do Americans have a bridal shower & bachelorette party?

    The Question:

    In the UK we just have a hen party (although some people are starting to have two to include older family members) and I didn’t think gifts other than wedding gifts were expected, WHY do Americans have a bridal shower and a bachelorette party?

    My Response:

    Dear UK;

    We do a Bridal Shower to shower the couple with gifts. The Bridal Shower is when you receive the gifts for your wedding, who ever doesn’t go or doesn’t bring a gift can take you a gift the day of your wedding. Some people have bridal showers with just the girls and some people choose to do it with future bride and groom. The bachelorette Party is like the last hurray, the bride to be has a girls night out with of course just the girls to celebrate her last day of being single, and the guys usually have a bachelor party as well. Your hen party I am assuming is a little like the bachelorette party, where you get together with the girls for some fun before you get married. Hope this helps.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • I’m prego but he’s calling me Fat

    The Question:

    How do I deal with my husband? My husband and I were not planning on having children. Although the thought sometimes sounded interesting to me, I was mostly hesitant because of some issues I have with my husband. He is always very concerned with my looks. Knowing what pregnancy does to your body, I have just kept putting the idea off. I also wanted to wait until I got some things in life that I wanted as thus far, we’ve mostly focused on my husband’s hobbies. Don’t get me wrong- he’s really great about a lot of things…my appearance, my outfits, etc. just continue to be an ongoing issue between us.
    Well, recently, I’ve been going through a pretty tough time in my life. Finding out I’m pregnant didn’t help. Instead of being able to embrace this gift, I’m having a harder time dealing with comments from him like “fatty” or “cow.” I admit to splurge on weekends but my weeks are filled with veggies, bran and yogurt, etc. I am not a fat person, the doctor said I’m at a healthy, normal weight right now. Friends, and hell even total strangers constantly tell me how great I look. Is it normal for my husband to be the only one putting me down?

    My Response:

    Dear Prego;

    This is not normal and just because you are pregnant doesn’t mean you have to take it from him. This is emotional abuse, and weather he’s saying it messing around or not it’s not making you feel good and it needs to stop. This has obviously gone on before you got pregnant and this is something you needed to take care of before having a family with your husband. It’s too late now, because you are already pregnant, but it’s not too late to stand up to your husband and tell him how you feel. You need to communicate with your husband and if he respects and loves you, he’ll love you for you no matter what, even if you gain a few pounds. Love is unconditional, there isn’t rules to being in love and being married like if you gain weight I won’t love you anymore?!? What is that??? I’m not saying your husband has said that, but what you have written is a concern as to how your husband may treat you just because you have gained a few pounds, and under the circumstances I’m thinking it’s okay to gain a few pounds. Like I said, sit down and talk to your husband and tell him how you feel, start there. If you want things to work, you need to nip this now. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • How can I help my friend who’s son ran away from home?

    The Question:

    How can i help my friend her son ran away three days ago and she thinks something bad happened? He is her baby he is 14 and ran away three days ago and the police are involved now but i am unsure how to help her and her husband i want to just really unsure. Been there almost every day supporting her it just doesn’t seem enough i guess. Advice?

    My Response:

    Dear Good Friend;

    Just being there for her during this hard time is the only thing you can do. Letting her know you are there for her is good. This isn’t something that you can just fix. Her son is obviously troubled if he ran away from home. If the police are involved I am assuming they have filed a missing person report (this is the first step into finding him). A lot of people think that just because a teenager runs away from home they can’t file a missing person report and this is their first mistake, he is still a minor and they can file a missing person report in hopes that if someone spots him the police can pick him up. Three days must feel like a decade to your friend and her family, and I couldn’t imagine the thoughts that are going through your friends head. Just keep doing what you have been doing and be there for your friend, other than that, there really isn’t much more you can do. If you want to help other than moral support, you can try posting pictures of him around the neighborhood, gather some people from the neighborhood to help. Even though he ran away from home, doesn’t mean something hasn’t happened, and doesn’t mean you can’t go about it as if he was missing or taken. I hope he comes back home soon and my prayers are with your friends family. Keep praying and don’t give up hope.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • I am not sure if I should get married & the wedding is Saturday

    The Question:

    I’m supposed to be getting married next Saturday, and I’m freaking out, I’m getting cold feet, and I don’t think its the right thing to do. I have known my fiance for 10+years, we have been dating for 3+years and we have a child together who will be turning 2 in June. I love my fiance, but I’m not in love with him anymore, make sense? I don’t feel the same way I used to, we hardly ever are romantic towards each other. …. we fight a lot, he calls me a ***** and a bunch of bad names, I just don’t know. I mean I’m a 25 yr old woman… but why cant i decide? I’m so confused…. someone please any advice?

    My Response:

    Dear Cold Feet or Not Cold Feet;

    It could be that you are having cold feet, or it could just be that you aren’t in love with this person any more and it does make sense. You can definitely love someone but not be ‘IN LOVE’ with them. Sometimes we just fall out of love. This is something you need to figure out though, if you really aren’t in love with him anymore and you aren’t happy, this is the time to call off the wedding, do it now before it’s too late. You are only 25, you are still young and have your whole life ahead of you, you have plenty of time to find Mr. Right. I guarantee Mr. Right won’t put you down and call you names, that is very disrespectful and you have to really take into consideration if this is the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. (Can you picture your life without him?? He’ll always be in your life because of your baby, but can you picture your life not being with him romantically?) I know you have known him and dated him for a while now, and the fact you have a child together bonds you for life, but that doesn’t mean you have to live an unhappy life and marry the guy. If you can’t decide and you already said you aren’t in love with him, I take that as a pretty BIG SIGN, That getting married just isn’t for you, at least not with this guy. Be honest with yourself and stop the wedding before you do something you later regret. If it is cold feet, you would know you really love him but that you were just scared, so I don’t think this is the case. Look at your life, is this the way you want to spend it forever? You deserve to be happy and be treated with respect, if you aren’t feeling those things, then something must be wrong. Take a good look at your relationship and decide because after Saturday getting married is a lot easier than having to get divorced.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Why does my sister think she’s better than our family?


    The Question:

    I’m gonna try to give you some insight without bashing… To start my sister is about 4 yrs older, married.. A couple of years ago she and I decided to room mate about 2 months later she basically told me I needed to move out in less than a week, I stayed maybe 2 days more than she wanted me to go, so her husband (we will call him x) and his friend proceeded to bang on my window telling my boyfriend and I to get the ‘f ‘ out and this was about 12 am. This was one of many of x’s drunken raids. Another night they also called the cops saying we are not welcome but they couldn’t tell us to leave that my sis would need to evict us. Thankfully we got our own place. Time goes by I forgot this incident and tried to form some kind of relationship with my sister due to the fact that I love her kids like they were my own.

    Which leads me to the next thing, my sister had her oldest (we will call him b) while she was just a teen herself ( all the kids share the same asshole of a dad, that would be x) but she is constantly putting her oldest down. I know for a fact that he hates living with her. She uses him as her personal slave making him fold all of the laundry ( there is a total of 6 people in the family and he is only 11 but this has been going on for years) And he begs to come over just to get away from x and my sister. B has ask me many times if he could move in with me and my mom. I know this may not sound that bad but it gets worse he has no relationship with x due to more important things like getting drunk and smoking pot. I can only scratch the surface when it comes to this subject.

    Now on to the next her new thing is that his family is more family than her own flesh she is consumed by his fathers money (he is native American, we are too but we don’t get money from our tribe) she turns her back on her real family. For example we went to visit our family that we hardly see in Vegas. The first night I was there she got wasted and started to tell me I needed to find some place else to stay that night. My mom and grandma and myself were only there for one night, my sis and her family were there for almost a week, with her in laws that she knew all of 2 weeks maybe. But that same night I was told that I’m not proud of who I was “a native American”. But whatever I know where my roots are and if she was sooo Indian she would know they are not money hungry and they are about family. In the mean time she didn’t bother to go see the family that was there in town visiting.

    Now she is blaming me for some pot that went missing from her house! Because my mom watched her house and we only had access to her house. Honestly I haven’t smoked pot since high school which was about 6 years ago. No one in MY family smokes pot except for my brother but he doesn’t even live in the same house as myself. To top it off she won’t let me see her kids unless my mom asks her to let them come over. I’m not welcome in her house… But that part could be a blessing in disguise. But I guess her dog was hurt, and a few other things are missing. Not trying to make my self look good but I love my nieces and nephews too much to jeopardize my relationship with them! I feel my sister has something against me for a long time. Could someone please give me some advice? At this point I really can’t stand my sister, she is self fish and disgusting as a person.

    My Response:

    Dear stuck in the middle;

    It’s hard because you can’t stand your sister but she’s still your sister and what you really care about is being in your nephew and nieces lives. Your sister is obviously not in a happy or healthy relationship, she can be jealous that you are happy and in a healthy relationship and her way of getting back at you is constantly putting you down or not letting you stay with her, this can also not be just her decision, perhaps the husband (x) is telling her what to do. Now I don’t think it’s right and it sounds to me like she needs to grow up, stop smoking weed, take care of her children and move on from that a**hole, BUT it’s unlikely she’ll do just that if she’s still with the guy. If you really want a relationship with your nephews and nieces you need to talk to her, try to talk to her when her husband isn’t around, and just explain to her that you don’t want to argue anymore and that you love her, (even if half of it is BS) JUST DO IT, so you can get on her good side to see your nephew and nieces. How old are they? I know you said the oldest one (b) likes to go to your house, the good thing is he’s old enough to ask to go to your house, which is good, but I am assuming the others are still too little to do just that. Just hang in there, try to go to your mom’s as much as possible when she has them and just remind them how much you love them (I think you said you live with your mom, so have your mom ask for them more often). There isn’t much you can do if your sister refuses for you to see them, so be the better person and suck it up, just so you can see them. This doesn’t mean you have to play nice with her all the time and pretend to like her, you just need to be civil when you see her and nice enough to just see your nephew and nieces. As for her liking his family more than her own, she will see what family is when one day, when she may be left with nothing and you guys are the only ones there to pick up the pieces, hopefully this won’t be the case but unfortunately some people aren’t strong enough to make their own paths. If she is kicking you out of her home more than once, don’t go there anymore, see your family only when it’s either at your house or your moms. Being proud of your heritage is very important no one should be ashamed of who they are or where they came from, so don’t worry about what your sister is feeling and just know what you feel inside your heart is right. This is a hard position to be in, so try to contain yourself from telling your sister off, I know it might be hard but just keep thinking of the precious faces of your nephew and nieces. As to your title question, I don’t think that your sister thinks she’s better than anyone in your family I just think your sister isn’t in a good relationship, and she is choosing his family over her own, which is not only selfish and stupid but moronic. Sounds to me like she has a pretty good sister and if she can’t see that, it’s her loss! Good luck!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • I’m 31, he’s 23 is it okay to get married?!?



    The Question:

    I’m a 31 year-old-girl and my boyfriend is 23…Is a boy 8 years younger than a girl OK for marriage?

    My Response:

    Dear 31 year old Girl;

    First things first, stop referring to yourself as a 31 year old ‘GIRL’. There is no such thing, you are a ‘WOMAN’. Second your boyfriend is 23 that doesn’t mean it’s not okay to get married, (again if he’s still a ‘BOY’ then you don’t need to be with him but if he’s a ‘MAN’ that’s a different story), if he’s mature and he’s ready to take that step then it can be great. My best friends husband is younger than her and they are very happy together. You have to however make sure that he’s mature enough and ready for such a commitment. 23 years old is a young age and he may just be having fun with an older woman right now, rather than really being serious about the relationship. You might be on a different level then him. I am not sure if this a subject the two of you have discussed or something you were just wondering about. I am not sure how long you have been together either to be able to give you more information. If you need more advice and want to give me more information on your relationship I would love to try and help. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • What is going on with my Girlfriend?

    The Question:

    OK me and my G/F had a big fight over the phone a few weeks ago, its a long distant relationship at the minute as she is from a different country. She came over here to live for 5 months but was getting very stressed because she was finding it hard to get work, so she moved back a couple of months ago and I have been out there a few times to see her and she will be moving back after the summer. Anyway after the fight she became very moody, we still talked everyday but not like B/F and G/F. A few days later I got a message saying I feel very emotional, I am trying to forget you so much but all I can think about is you. I really care for this girl and we decided to give it another go and I plan to go out there in a few weeks, but she has started to become very distant at the moment. She has just bought a car and I know its giving her a lot of financial strain, so yesterday I sent her a message saying “is everything OK, because at the moment you seem very distant, I care about you and I am worried about you”. This is the reply I got ‘Stop bothering me please leave me alone with my problems, I don’t need help, don’t make everything such a big deal. I will never take help from you, you know why’!! So i just replied you know where I am when you want to talk.

    I am just a bit confused with this sudden change of mood, I know there is no one else. Could anyone possibly help me?? Could it be that she is just worried and she doesn’t want to worry me, but she is being very distant like I say and that is making me worry more.

    My Response:

    Dear Long Distance;

    Long Distance = Disaster. If she was willing to move over there with you and be with you and decided to leave because it was too stressful not finding a job is BS! Life is stressful, but if you really love someone and you move to another country or State to be with them, 5 months is nothing and finding a job is hard, but if you were in it together than she should have stuck it out. Another question??? Why did she get a car she can’t afford?!? Perhaps this is a sign that she isn’t financially stable. I know you love her but it sounds to me that her pushing you away is an indication she isn’t sure she loves you back. I know you say she isn’t with anyone else, but it is a possibility, and it’s something you have to take into consideration, because people just don’t start distancing themselves for no reason. There is always a reason behind it! Find out, give her call and stop all this texting BS, tell her how you feel, and explain to her that you need to know how she feels and if she still wants to be with you and if she still wants to try and make things work. Don’t be scared for her answer, if she’s ready to move on, it’s probably for the best. Trust me everything happens for a reason, sometimes we aren’t meant to be with the people we think we are supposed to spend the rest of our lives with, and in a moment you’ll find that someone else, the person who IS right for you! Talk to your girlfriend, she either moves back with you to make things work, or you move over there, but something needs to be done, pushing you away isn’t the answer.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • I think I like my bestfriend but I already have a bf?

    The Question:

    Well i have this guy friend, and we’ve been friends for nearly a year and a bit. The problem is that we are seeing other people and when they went away for vacay, we got closer to each other.

    We never talked very much and he was a really good listener when i had guy troubles and he would give me advise on how to go about it.
    After that, he said nice things to me, saying that i am an awesome person and ill always be here for you and what things like that,. (not to mention he always asks about me and my boyfriend)

    Thing is now, he and his girlfriend and things are kinda complicated for both of But what struck me most is how he said to me ” I think its safe to say now that i love you ( in a friendly way, of course) ”
    When he said that, that’s how it all started.

    And now has he also has been saying that “your in my wonderland” and that he is ‘thinking’ about him and me but wont tell me anymore than that. He also keeps asking me if I’ve missed him, but i cant really deny it because i have.

    Ive tried not to picture us together, and I’ve tried staying in the friends zone, but its the things he says and the way he makes me smile that i cant help but do fall in love.

    Can someone tell me what to do. I’m so confused. Please help? xoxox

    My Answer:

    Dear Complicated;

    It’s complicated. At his moment you are both in a relationship and if you are having feelings for your friend then perhaps you need to take a break from your current relationship to sort your feelings out. You don’t want to hurt your current boyfriend. Your friend also has a girlfriend and needs to decide what he wants to do. If he’s telling you all these things and giving off hints, he probably isn’t going to come up to you and tell you straight out how he feels, you are going to have to confront him. You also will have to make a choice, if he does truly like you more than just a friend, you need to decide whats more important, your friendship or trying to see if things work out more than just friends. Unfortunately sometimes it’s hard to be friends with another man, but it isn’t impossible, I’ve had many guy friends who have never been anything more than just friends, but in rare occasions feelings do change, and sometimes it’s just mixed feelings because we tend to confuse True Love with Lust or True Love with just loving a person/friend. It is possible to love another man and not be in love with them or visa versa. You have to take into consideration that if you do try to make it work beyond friendship and it doesn’t work there is a possibility that you won’t stay friends, in rare occasions to ex’s stay good friends, sometimes things are too awkward or you simply move on with another person, this is something you need to think about. Be honest with your friend and ask him what’s up? Once you have your answer you are going to have to make a decision. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Love vs. Education: which college should he choose?

    The Question:

    Long story short, I am a Junior in high school and my boyfriend is a Senior. Up until just a few days ago we had both been planning on going to college at Michigan State University so we could stay close to home and close together over the next few years. Then he got a letter from Polytech NYU trying to recruit him to go there (chemical engineering). From what I’ve heard, that’s a pretty awesome school. He is very smart, and I’m sure he would do exceptionally well at any school he chose, but long term, is it worth the separation and heartache for him to go to Polytech as opposed to MSU?

    My response:

    Dear college;

    This is a hard decision to make and you guys are still young, unfortunately if you stop him from going he could regret this in the future and end up blaming you, especially if you don’t work out in the long run and if you do work out, you don’t want him blaming you for not choosing the school he really wants to go to. Let him choose the college he wants to go to and if the two of you are really meant to be, you can try doing the whole long distance thing. If you really want to be with him, have you thought about looking at colleges in New York? They have a lot of great schools, but if your heart is set on Michigan, then don’t change schools for him. Again, I know its hard to hear, but the two of you are still very young and you don’t know whats going to happen in your futures, don’t push him away from the school he wants and if you guys really love each other you’ll try to find a way to make it work. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • How to ask my fiance’s stepmom to back off?

    The Question:

    She has taken over planning our couple’s shower for our wedding. She has invited my mother (by Facebook message) and my fiance’s mother (by letter) to be involved, however she has themes and games and a bunch of BS planned without getting my mom or his mom’s input. HOW do I deal with her? She’s a complete control freak and I’ve about had enough. She won’t even let ME have a say in our party!
    Additional Details – I should also add:
    When she wrote the Facebook message to my mom and letter to my fiance’s mom she told them EXACTLY what the shower was going to be, what date etc without asking for their input. She didn’t give them a chance to give input…she just told them..this is it. As far as having input, I should say I wanted input in regard to location (my family is 6+hrs away as is my mom and his family is 1/2 here 1/2 12+ hrs away). The idea of the couples shower/party was so we could all be involved and have it be very relaxed.
    Who is paying for it? The initial idea was for our parents to all split it, but we haven’t been allowed to be apart of any of this (Oh and I didn’t get to pick the date, She did it without consulting either of our mothers).

    My response:

    Dear bride;

    This is a hard position to be in, but this is something definitely you need to do with your fiance. He’s also involved in this, (it’s his family) and she needs to know that the two of you care for her dearly, but this is your wedding shower, and you would like for your mom and his mom to also be involved. If she wants to help that’s fine, but it is your shower, and there are certain things you want and don’t want. If she still doesn’t understand then you have to make the choice of letting it go and letting her run your shower or laying down the rules and being a complete bi***. Unfortunately sometimes we need to be tough for people to get the point. She seems like the controlling type so if you want your shower to be what you want it to be then be honest with her and tell her how it is. Don’t be shy, things like this can’t be held in, it’s part of your big day, and it should be as you see fit. She can’t pick a date without asking you, that is when you really needed to lay down the rules. Explain to her that you need to know what is what, and you would like to plan it yourself. Things like this would make me so upset, and there is no way I would let someone Facebook my mother or mother in law, that’s just ridiculous. Be firm and let her know who’s boss.
    Good luck keep me updated

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

    April 1, 2010