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Category: Advice

Need Advice? I’m here to help in anyway I can…. Ask me anything and I’ll tell you what I think…

  • Advice Column: I was molested when I was younger

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    The Question: I was molested when I was younger. I don’t think I will ever find love, get married or have kids. Where do I go from here?

    I was molested when I was 11 and 12, and I was bullied by most of the kids in school all through junior high and high school. Because of this, I’m not a confident person. I’ve never dated anyone, I don’t like being touched, and I don’t see how anyone could love me anyway. How do you tell someone in one breath that you never dated and the next that you aren’t a virgin? I’ve gone to psychologists, but I feel like they are a waste of money. I’m now 32, and I’ve accepted that I’m going to be alone the rest of my life. But, I’m afraid that I’m going to become this bitter old woman who makes everyone in her life miserable. I already have days that I feel bitter about it. How do I keep from becoming bitter and miserable? I know everyone has trials they have to go through, but I don’t understand why I had to go through these particular trials. They say that your life is what you make of it, but it’s not so easy to be happy and outgoing when you spent years of your life being told you are worthless and ugly and stupid and just not worth the time of day. I have tried to change myself, but it didn’t help. I still have that voice in the back of my head telling me I’m worthless. So I just exist. And what’s the point of life if you just exist? Now don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t kill myself. I have my faith, it took me years to find it, and I don’t believe in committing suicide, but it doesn’t keep me from questioning the point of my existence.  Really, what is the point? I used to have dreams of getting married and having kids, and I don’t have those anymore. I gave up dreaming of things long ago, because it hurts too much, and I’m tired of being disappointed. Where do I go from here?

    My Response:

    Dear Hard Life;

    I am so sorry for what you have been through. I can’t imagine having gone through what you did and surviving it. I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. You found faith and you found a way to live life. You may not be living it to the fullest but you are living it.

    I would suggest talking to a psychologist but it seems you have already been doing that. I wouldn’t stop doing it, but I would suggest perhaps finding a group of people to talk to. Sometimes there are groups in your area of people who have been through the same thing. Sometimes it’s easier to accept what has happened, knowing that you are not the only one out there who has gone through what you have been through.

    They do say everything happens for a reason, unfortunately we don’t always know what those reasons are. I’m not going to lie, if you don’t like being touched, it will be difficult to have a relationship with someone. But maybe if you meet the right person you can push through your fear of being intimate with them.

    It can’t be easy to admit you have never dated and then turn around and say you aren’t a virgin. But I think you are also over thinking this. It’s not an easy conversation to have with a man, but if he really cares about you, he won’t care what you have been through. You don’t have to start the conversation with I have never dated and by the way I am not a virgin. Just meet a guy and go out on a date. Talk normal conversations. If the subject of sex comes up, then you explain what happened to you. You don’t have to go into details if you don’t want to, but you can explain that it was a hard time for you and that it took you a while to get through it.

    Just because this happened to you, doesn’t mean that you will be alone and never have kids for the rest of your life. You are putting limitations in your life. Don’t ever limit the power of love and what the future has in store for you. Whenever that little voice in the back of your head tells you how worthless you are, you have to STOP yourself. Remind yourself how beautiful you are and that you deserve happiness like any other person. No one deserves to go through what you did, but this does not mean that you are worthless or that you don’t deserve to find love and be happy.

    Don’t ever give up on your dreams of finding love and having kids. Think positive thoughts, be positive and you will see what a difference this will do in your life. Remember that you are beautiful and that you deserve to be happy. Just because bad things happened to you when you were younger, doesn’t mean your life has to stop, or that you are limited to certain things in life. Once you truly accept what happened to you, you will be able to move on. I’m not saying it will be easy, there will probably be days that bring you back to that time period, but you have to try to pull yourself away from those thoughts and think about the good that has entered your life. Think happy thoughts. Go out there, meet friends and guys and have fun. Don’t ever think that you are worthless, because you are not.

    Remember that.

    xo,

    kristin nicole

  • Advice Column: How do I piss my wife off?

    Advice Column: How do I piss my wife off? Image found on flickr.com
    Advice Column: How do I piss my wife off? Image found on flickr.com

    The Question: How do I piss my wife off?

    I get so sick of her smiling and being happy all of the time. I want her to feel angry like I do all of the time. I want her to carry a harsh burden like I always do. Please leave suggestions?

    My Response:

    Dear Unhappy Husband;

    You definitely have a serious inner issue that needs to be resolved. People who are miserable always want others to feel the way they do. This is not the answer, nor is it going to make you feel any better about yourself. If you aren’t happy, then get out of the relationship. Don’t bring her down with you. I’m not sure how old you are, but this is a very childish way of thinking. If you cared or loved your wife, you would want her to be happy, you wouldn’t want her to feel whatever sadness you are carrying around. If you are feeling burdened and unhappy, you should talk to a professional psychologist. You need help and you need to find the reasons behind your thoughts.

    xo

    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Yahoo.com

  • Advice Column: My brother is going down the wrong path

    Advice Column: Do I let him walk his own path? Image found on flickr.com
    Advice Column: My brother is going down the wrong path. Image found on flickr.com

    The Question: My brother is going down the wrong path, should I try giving him advice again or just let him go his own way?

    I have been worried about my brother for a while, and I don’t know what to do other than throw my hands up and be done with the situation. He is a meth addict who has been in and out of prison, and just recently spent two years in a prison. When he was released my mother has enabled him again by buying him a trailer to live in. I tried giving my advice as to jobs he could get as a felon and positive things he could be doing. Yet he wont listen and instead got in contact with a bail guy he was friends with. This guy is a slime ball and uses people to make money. He promised him work and gave him a vehicle, yet only paid him little amounts to keep my brother under his control. [sic]. My brother was at an RV park when the bail guy convinced him to stay on his property. I believe its a way to have my brother fail and take the trailer. He isn’t giving my brother much work and I noticed my brother was reconnecting with old doper friends! I am worried he will go down the wrong path again, yet I also feel like this is the choice he made. He wants everything given to him and didn’t want to listen to me or even take my positive advice/help. [sic]. Am I being to judgmental or am I the only one seeing where this will lead?
    (Edited)
    My Response:
    Dear Sibling; 
    This is a very hard position to be in. He’s your brother and it’s normal to only want the best for him but to try and get him help. It can be frustrating when we want to help someone we love but we can’t do anything about it. All you can do is be there for him, don’t give up. Try talking to him and explain to him that you care but you see him going down the wrong path again. Is there someone else you can talk to? Unfortunately all you can do is talk, but at the end of the day he’s a grown man, who knows right from wrong. Sometimes we can’t help the people we love, but we can always stay positive and try talking to them. Be there for them and love them. Who is this “bail guy”. Maybe there is a way you can report this guy, if he’s doing illegal stuff. I know you probably don’t want to get your brother in trouble again with the law, but if he’s hanging with the wrong people it’s only a matter of time before he gets himself into trouble.
    Try talking to your brother and just be there for him. It’s all you can really do.
    xo,
    kristin nicole
    I found this question on Yahoo.com

  • Advice Column: How do I tell him I’m pregnant?

     

    Advice Column: How do I tell him I'm pregnant? Image found on flickr.com
    Advice Column: How do I tell him I’m pregnant? Image found on flickr.com

    The Question: How do I tell him I’m pregnant?

    I just found out this morning that I’m pregnant. I really want this baby, but my boyfriend won’t want it. He’s already told me that he doesn’t want to have another baby, because he already has one with a previous relationship. He told me that I would have to get rid of it, if I ever got pregnant. even though he knows I don’t agree with abortions. Never have. I really want this baby, but I know he won’t want it, and he will tell me to get rid of it or try to get rid of it himself. He’s threatened to do this before. I don’t know what to do or how to even tell him.

    (Edited)

    My Response:

    Dear Prego;

    It’s not his choice as to whether or not you want to keep the baby. If you knew he didn’t want a child then you both should have used protection. The deed is done, but first I would go to the doctor to confirm you are pregnant. Sometimes the test over the counter can have a false positive. Once you have confirmed with the doctor that you are pregnant then you will have to talk to him. It will be your decision to stay with him or leave him and raise this baby on your own. Although he has said he doesn’t want another baby, he may change his mind once he knows you are pregnant. If he doesn’t change his mind and he’s adamant about you getting an abortion, then you need to stick up for yourself and decide what you want to do for you and your child. What do you mean, that he’s told you he would get rid of the baby, if you don’t? That sounds like a threat, and you shouldn’t be with someone who is telling you that. That is a serious statement. If you have family and friends, go to them. Talk to them first and have them help you out with this situation. Bringing a child into the world is a big responsibility, you need to make sure you are making the right decision before making it.

    I found this question on Yahoo.com

  • Advice Column: Is my boyfriend gay?

    Advice Column: Is my boyfriend Gay? Image found on flickr.com
    Advice Column: Is my boyfriend Gay? Image found on flickr.com

    Advice Column: Is my boyfriend gay?

    I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 months now. I sometimes don’t know if he’s in the closet, because he gives off vibes that he may be gay. I really like him, but I don’t want to be his cover story, for being straight. He’s told me how strict his parents are, and how he’s felt that he has to hide who he really is in front of them. I’ve asked him, what he meant by this, but he’s always really vague. Recently my friends saw him out at the movies with another guy. When I asked him about it, he just told me it was an old friend and to drop it. I found a text one time that came from a guy friend that I know is gay, and he was asking if they were on for their date. I’m feeling so confused. If he’s gay, why would he ask me out? Do I ask him if he’s gay? I’m scared he will break up with me if he’s not gay and I upset him for asking such a stupid question. Please help.

    My Response:

    Dear Girlfriend;

    Just because he was out with another guy at the movies doesn’t mean he is gay. Did your friend see him doing something other than just being at the movies with a guy friend? If she didn’t see him kissing the guy, then he could have just been at the movies with a friend.

    With that said; it is a bit strange that he’s mentioned he can’t be himself around his parents, and if he was just going to the movies with a friend, why would he hide that from you? As for the text from a gay friend, some gay friends can just say “date” and it doesn’t mean anything. You have two options, continue dating him and wondering if he’s really gay or not. Or just straight out ask him about the text and go from there. I’m not going to lie; he may get mad. If I had a boyfriend who asked me if I was a lesbian and I’m not, I would probably be bothered. But you can’t continue in a relationship with someone you think is possibly lying about their sexuality.

    xo,

    kristin nicole

     

  • Advice Column: Would it be stalking if I text my Ex?

    Advice Column: Would it be stalking if I text my Ex?

    Advice Column: Image found on flickr.com
    Advice Column: Would it be staking if I text my Ex? Image found on flickr.com

    The Question: Would it be stalking if I text my ex?

    My ex boyfriend and I broke up yesterday, and he wants to be friends. He still calls me baby girl. If I text him, would I be stalking him?

    My Response:

    Dear Ex;

    Texting an ex does not make you a stalker. If you start following him around, and becoming obsessed then yes, you would be a stalker. But you just broke up yesterday, why would you want to text him anyway? He told you he wanted to be friends with you and he’s still calling you baby girl, so it’s clearly okay to text him as a friend, but this is a decision you have to make. Sometimes being friends with an ex isn’t easy. I am not saying it’s impossible, but sometimes it’s better to take a break from that person to be able to move on. He’s an ex for a reason.

    xo,

    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Yahoo.com

  • Advice Column: Will I ever get married and have kids?

    Advice Column: Will I ever get married and have kids?

     

    Advice Column: Will I ever get married and have kids? Image found on flickr.com
    Advice Column: Will I ever get married and have kids? Image found on flickr.com

    The Question: Will I ever get married and have kids?

    I’m a 28 year old woman. When I tell people my age they are shocked and think I look and act young. 

    I’m a bit depressed because I’m at an age where I should be getting married and having kids. However, I’m studying to be a nurse and I don’t finish until the end of next year. I’m broke but working on and off. I still want to go traveling, and do a big trip to Europe. All my friends my age have already done their “gap year” [sic] years ago and are now settled in their careers, getting married and having kids. 

    I feel so far behind! I’ll be starting my career at 30! 

    The only places I have travelled to are, Thailand, U.S.A, and The Greek Islands. I’ll be too old to go travel once I hit 30 right? 

    I’m constantly surrounded by younger people and I feel so old. Will I end up alone? I’m single now and every time I meet someone and we hit it off it turns out he is already taken, it’s so frustrating! At the rate I’m going I’ll be living my “20s” in my “30s” and will be alone and childless in my 40s.

    (Edited)

    My Response:

    Dear 20s;

    I am not sure what your question is. If it’s ‘are you too old to travel’ my answer would be NO! You are never too old to do anything you want to do in life. And when people tell me I look young, I’m ecstatic. Be happy you look good. Not everyone has a career and is married with children in their 20s. I didn’t get my Master’s Degree until I was 30, and I just got married in March. I don’t feel old and I don’t think I am behind. Most of my friends are a little older than me, and they all pretty much have careers, are married and with children. But I am not living their life, I’m living mine.  I am taking my own pace, and I am enjoying my life right now before having children. We aren’t in the 50’s, now a days women don’t have to get married and have children in their 20’s. Enjoy your life, finish school and have fun. Don’t worry about what other people think, at the end of the day it’s your life. When you least expect it, you will find the right guy and settle down. But until then, enjoy your life. Be grateful for the travels you have been able to enjoy. Not many people can say they have traveled as much as you. You never know, maybe you will meet someone while traveling. Live your life to the fullest no matter what age you are and enjoy it.

    xo,

    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Yahoo.com

  • Advice Column: Will she get mad that I went to a sperm bank?

     

    Advice Column: Will she get mad if I go to the sperm bank? Image found on flickr.com
    Advice Column: Will she get mad if I went to a sperm bank? Image found on flickr.com

    The Question: Will she get mad that I went to a sperm bank?

    I went to pick up my date but she was still getting ready. I talked to her mother (no name) while I was waiting. She asked me if I could use some extra cash. Of course I said yes. I asked her what I had to do. She said her office paid $100 per visit for something I was probably doing for free now. She said come on down any time. She gave me her card and it showed she owned a sperm bank. She wanted me to come in and make DEPOSITS. 

    This just seems strange to me. If my girlfriend sees me at her moms office, what can I tell her? Will I be in big trouble with my girlfriend? Or is this business just like any other business and it should not cause me any problems donating sperm. Surely my girlfriend knows what her mom does. 

    I can just hear the following conversation now. “What did you do today?” “I went to your mom’s office and J—— off. I never want to see you again you pervert.” What should I do?

    (Edited)

    My Response:

    Dear Sperm Bank;

    Let me first start off with… WHAT? It’s just weird and wrong of the mom to have asked you to do this in the first place. Second; you have to really think about doing something like this. It’s not just extra money, if you want extra money, get a job. Get two jobs if you have to. Giving away your sperm means making a child out there. Even if you do this anonymously, some children grow up wanting to know who their dad is, and go searching for them anyway. Some are found out, and then years later when you have a family of your own, you will have to explain to your wife that this is your kid. The kid you made while at the sperm bank. It’s just something to think about.

    However; that doesn’t mean that going to a sperm bank is wrong, it helps women and couples who can’t have children, have them. But it’s a big decision that can one day change your life. So think about it before you decide to do something like this.

    On that note; your girlfriend may not like this. Most girls I know, wouldn’t want to know that the guy they are dating is just making babies out there. She probably knows what her mom does (especially if her mom’s the owner) but it doesn’t necessarily mean she want her boyfriend donating his sperm.

    If you haven’t gone yet, I would say not to go. Talk to your girlfriend first and tell her what happened before it gets out another way. If you already went and did the deed, then I am afraid you will just have to face the music. Talk to her and explain to her what happened and your reasons for going. Maybe you will be lucky and she won’t care.

    xo,

    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Yahoo.com

  • Advice Column: I want to leave my Mom’s to live with my Dad

    Advice Column: I want to leave my mom's to live with my dad. Image by flickr.com
    Advice Column: I want to leave my mom’s to live with my dad. Image by flickr.com

    The Question: I want to leave my Mom’s to live with my Dad, how can I do this?

    I am 16 years old and was forcefully moved from my home with my dad about 2 years ago by my mom. She decided she wanted me to be with her and thus acted upon it. Since my dad is not excessively well-off, he couldn’t hire a lawyer, so I simply ended up staying with my mom. Try as I might, I cant adjust to my new school, make new friends, or genuinely be happy. My parents live on opposite sides of the country, and I have considered leaving (running away, if you will) to where my dad is. I ultimately want to know, if I get there, will I legally be able to decide that’s where I will live?
    ~ Running Away
    My Response:
    Dear Running Away;
    You can try to go talk to a lawyer that may do a pro bono job, (which means he will take your case for free). Or at least maybe give you some free legal advice. I do not know where you live and I am not a lawyer so I cannot give you advice as to what you can do, or what will happen if you try to run away to another country. More than likely they will just send you back home. If you want to live with your dad, you have to do it the right way.
    Have you tried talking to your mom, now that you are older? Have you tried reaching out to your dad? You are old enough to make that choice, and I would try talking to them first. If that doesn’t work you can always try talking to a lawyer or the courts and see what they tell you. It’s hard being a parent, just remember that your mom really loves you and probably only wants the best for you. I don’t know your parent’s situation so maybe your dad just couldn’t support you. It’s hard to understand when you are young, but be open and talk to them about how you feel. Maybe you will be surprised as to what they tell you.
    xo,
    kristin nicole
    I found this question on Yahoo.com

  • Advice Column: Am I being paranoid?

    Advice Column: Am I being paranoid? Image found on flickr.com
    Advice Column: Am I being paranoid? Image found on flickr.com

    The Question: Am I being paranoid? My girlfriend has cheated on me before, recently she went out with a co-worker, ignored my calls and didn’t get home until 1:30am.

    She’s been unfaithful before and she said she doesn’t know why she did it. She met a guy from work at around 5:00 pm and didn’t get home until about 1:30 am, she ignored my texts the whole time. She talked about the windows of his car getting steamed up and misty so I’m thinking there’s something happening? He’s a guy from work that I’m pretty sure she mentioned him telling a co-worker that he has a thing for my girlfriend, but I’m not sure. She also said I can’t meet him because “it would be awkward.”When she last cheated on me, she told me the day after but she didn’t tell me the whole story until the word got around the whole college, and back to me. [sic]. She has then promised that she’d tell me everything and she’d never do it again. She also said the other day after arguing about being with me, “I don’t know what I want.” [sic]. I feel like I’m in love with this girl but she doesn’t seem to care about my feelings. Whenever I hint about me asking if she’s cheated she just says bye and ignores me and gets annoyed with me. [sic]. Someone please tell me what this means, am I being paranoid?

    (Edited)
    ~Being Paranoid
    My Response:
    Dear Being Paranoid;
    This isn’t called being paranoid, it’s called being in denial. She’s already cheated on you once, and now she goes out with a guy from work, ignores your calls, and tells you to your face that the windows were steaming? There is something very wrong with your girlfriend, it seems to me that she’s trying to get some type of rise from you.
    Why would you tell your boyfriend that you went out with a co-worker, the car windows got steamy, but then try to act as if nothing happened? The first time she cheated on you, that was the red flag to get out. You should have respect for yourself and you shouldn’t be with someone who obviously doesn’t care for you. If this girl loved you the way you love her, she wouldn’t have cheated on you the first time, and she definitely wouldn’t be going out with a co-worker and ignoring your calls.
    Another hint, is the fact that she doesn’t want you to meet the guy. Don’t you find this odd? The other guy probably doesn’t know she has a boyfriend, so meeting you would ruin whatever she has going on. You have a few choices, leave things alone and stay with her, always wondering if she’s cheating on you.  You can just show up to her job and introduce yourself, see how the guy reacts. Or you can take the high road, dump her a$$, have respect for yourself and find a girl who will truly care and love you in return.
    xo,
    kristin nicole
    I found this question on Yahoo.com