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Category: Advice

Need Advice? I’m here to help in anyway I can…. Ask me anything and I’ll tell you what I think…

Advice Column: My Ex Boyfriend is confusing me

Advice Column: My Ex Boyfriend is Confusing Me. Image found on Flickr.com

The Question: My Ex Boyfriend is confusing me. What should I do?

My ex and I broke up mutually over a week ago. We agreed that we both aren’t ready, he did not have a reason why but mine was mainly because of studies (LLB). On the day we agreed to end us, he stated that he didn’t love me anymore then stated that he did and tried to make up excuses to end us. We agreed to continue being there for each other.

After a recent 3 hour phone call which he initiated, he said he is surrounded by hot chicks; smoking weed everyday and has gone back to taking pain killers to help him not to feel. He also stated that he has no opinion on us anymore. He also sounded as though he does not care and contradicted himself a lot. I told him that he does not know what he wants but he disagrees and says he wants someone controlling.

Before me, he was single for 3 years after being in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship for 6 years. He was in a gang and used drugs. I accepted him fully and love him without judging him based on his past. 🙂

Ever since our relationship started he always said he feels he doesn’t deserve me and doesn’t understand how I can be as understanding as I am. During our relationship he also tried to end us 3 times. I always tried to uplift him and still love him despite him seeing himself as not deserving happiness. He didn’t believe he made me happy when he really did.

Now, I have insomnia; no appetite; I’m emotional and confused.

I haven’t contacted him after the call.

Advice needed.

~Ex in Pain

My Response:

Dear Ex in Pain;

It sounds like your ex has emotional problems that derive way beyond your relationship. He needs professional help to see what is causing him to feel the way he’s feeling. Does he have a family member you can reach out to? Perhaps talk to them and see if they can help him.

It’s probably best you two ended things, you need someone who is stable and happy and can make you happy in return. You sound like such a sweet and caring person, but it’s not your job to take care of him anymore. If you are having problems sleeping and have loss of appetite, it can be from the stress of your break up, mixed with whatever is going on in your life right now.

Try to take things easy, try to focus on you and your studies. Don’t lose focus on you. You have to accept when someone doesn’t want help, it’s not easy and it doesn’t mean you have to stop trying to help him, but you cannot control his actions and/or his emotions. All you can do is let him know, that you will be there for him, if he needs you. And like I said before; try reaching out to someone that can help him. Life is too short, remember to take things easy, take a deep breath and focus on you.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

July 9, 2014
Advice Column: My son is 20 and dating a 32 year old with 2 kids

Advice Column: My son is 20 and dating a 32 year old with 2 kids. Image found on Flickr.com

Advice Column:

My son is 20 and dating a 32 year old, divorcee with 2 kids. I don’t like this. How should I handle this?

My Response:

Dear Mom;

This is a hard situation to be in. Being a parent and not liking who your kid is dating is hard. Unfortunately your son is an adult and he can make his own decisions. I would voice to him your concerns, but I would let him know that I would support any decision he makes. You don’t want to push your son away by being negative and getting on him for dating someone so much older with children. He may figure it out on his own. I know it isn’t easy, but sometimes we have to let them make mistakes and learn from them. Raising someone else’s kids is not easy, especially when you are practically a kid yourself. Do you know if he has met the kids? Talk to him, but don’t attack him with what you don’t like. You have to have a limit as to what to say, if he starts telling you that it’s his life, leave it alone and try talking to him another time. Good luck.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

July 7, 2014
Advice Column: I want to sleep with my boyfriend’s BF

Advice Column: I want to sleep with my boyfriends BF. Image found on Flickr.com

Advice Column: I want to sleep with my boyfriend’s BF. What should I do?

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. I love him, I don’t want to break up with him, but I have always had a physical attraction to his best friend. I actually met his best friend first, and we flirted for a while but nothing happened. I then met my now boyfriend and we hit it off. I still flirt with his best friend all the time, and he flirts back. One time when my boyfriend wasn’t looking he grabbed my ass and told me how hot I looked. It turned me on, knowing my boyfriend was in the other room. Another time I was wearing a skirt and we were all out to dinner, under the table he touched me. It was exciting and I just wanted to take him right there and kiss him. I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend but I can’t help my sexual feelings for his best friend. Should I just sleep with him and get it out of my system? Do I leave it alone? Help.

~ Attracted to my boyfriend’s Best Friend

My Response:

Dear Attracted to the boyfriend’s Best Friend;

It is never a good idea to cheat on your boyfriend, let a lone with his best friend. If you are having feelings for his best friend and his best friend has made moves on you, then you need to break up with your boyfriend. If you really loved him, you wouldn’t have allowed his best friend to touch you while out to dinner. I don’t think you should ever sleep with a boyfriend’s best friend or an ex’s best friend. But it is ultimately your choice. I would break up with your boyfriend and talk to the best friend. This may just be a physical attraction and you may lose something that was more special. But you never know, maybe this will turn into much more. On another note: If he was really a good person or friend, he wouldn’t be hitting on or touching his best friend’s girlfriend. I don’t care who met who first, it’s just wrong.

Look deep into your relationship, if you were really in love, you wouldn’t be messing around with his best friend. If the best friend really cared about his friend, he wouldn’t be messing around with his girlfriend. You say you don’t want to hurt your boyfriend but if you sleep with his best friend you are only going to hurt him. There really isn’t any way around this.

xo,

kristin nicole

July 4, 2014
Advice Column: He touched my brother and molested me

Advice Column: He touched my brother and molested me. Image found on flickr.com

The Question:

He touched my brother when he was little and then he molested me. I’m angry and I don’t know what to do.

So a few years ago my brother and I where sleeping over at our friends house, and in the middle of the night I woke up and caught this person who was 13 at the time touching, with my younger brother who was 8 [sic]. I didn’t give it much thought, I just thought they were playing some harmless game or whatever and went back to sleep, the next morning I asked them what they where up to and this person said that they where just playing games on the computer. This was back when I trusted this person, so I thought I probably just dreamed it or my eyes where playing tricks on me since it was dark and I was still half asleep. Anyway, so I completely forgot about it for about 2 years and then around March of 2013, my sister told me some horrible rape story that had happened to her friend and it left me feeling shocked for several days. It triggered the memory of catching this person and my brother touching.

So I asked my brother what happened and it turns out that this person had bribed him to touch him. I couldn’t handle that so I told my dad and he said it was harmless and something I shouldn’t be worrying about and he laughed. I went over to this persons house for a week or so and he came back to ours, I wasn’t mad yet I just felt really bad [sic], I felt like it was somehow my fault that it had happened. I felt guilty for about 6 months non stop. While this person was here he was a DICK! I talked to him about what he did and he threatened me! He called me names and once he dry humped my back against my will.

I told him to stop but he waited like 30 seconds, I could have beat him up but I couldn’t be bothered [sic]. He stayed here for 3 months. I went over to his house in April this year and I beat him up, and I told him I was beating him because he humped me. He denied it at first but then he said if I wanted him to stop I should have just said so. I saw him a few days later and his eye was bloodshot, I still feel angry though, I think I should go to his house and dry hump him against his will and beat him up till he cries because I still feel really angry at that f***ing *****! I hate him for all the s*** he did to me. He’s also racist. He brags to me about doing drugs cause he thinks its cool. He calls me names, like when he was here he called me a crazy b**** for not dyeing his hair. In 2012 He tried to beat me up because he was using my computer, and I asked if I could use it for a minute, and he just ignored me completely so I got angry and told him to get off. I didn’t fight back.

Please help, I don’t know what to do.

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Angry;

You are very angry, but beating up on this person, or going to their house is not helping anyone. You have every right to be angry but you need to stop and talk to an adult that will help you. I am not sure if you have a mom? Have you spoken to her or any other family member besides your dad? You should try talking to your dad again, I cannot believe that he would just brush something like this off, but sometimes as adults we don’t want to face something that is so horrible, yet true. This doesn’t excuse him, but I’m just trying to understand why he would allow this man back into your house after what you told him. You or your brother should never be around this person. I would talk to another adult and report this person as soon as possible. If this person has done this to you and your brother than they most likely have done this to other children and it isn’t safe to be around them. Do not blame yourself, you couldn’t have prevented what this person did to your brother, you are and were young and you didn’t know what you were really seeing. The important part is that you now know the truth and you can now protect your brother and yourself by not being around this man and reporting him. Report this person to someone and stay away from them.

xo

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

July 2, 2014
Advice Column: Why don’t I want to be in a relationship?

Advice Column: Why don’t I want to be in a relationship? Image found on flickr.com

The Question:

Why don’t I want to be in a relationship?

Theres this guy on Facebook; I asked him out and he said yes, and now I feel like I’m not good enough for him. Many people told me that no one will ever like me. I feel like it really effected me some how. I’m always pushing people away; like friends and family . What should I do?

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear pushing away;

I don’t know who you are talking to or what type of friends you are hanging out with, but it’s not very nice of them to tell you that you will never meet anyone. You obviously have, and you actually had the confidence to ask him out and he said yes. So stop worrying about what others have told you and gain that confidence back. Sometimes we push people away because we are scared to loose them, so it feels easier to push them away before they get too close. But honestly, this doesn’t fix anything. It doesn’t stop from feeling whatever it is you’re going to feel. Life is a journey and there are lessons to be learned, but it makes us who we are. Go out with this guy and take a chance.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

June 30, 2014
Advice Column: My ex cheated on me, is there something wrong me?

Advice Column: My ex cheated on me. Image found on flickr.com

My Question:

My ex cheated on me, is there something wrong with me?

I had a happy relationship with a guy and he cheated on me. Is there something wrong with me? Is it my fault?

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Cheated On;

You can’t blame yourself for someone else’s actions. Some men don’t know what they have at home and unfortunately cheating is the ultimate betrayal. There is definitely nothing wrong with you. You may not see the reasons behind his actions and it may hurt a lot now, but I promise it will get better. Time heals all wounds. Move on, go out with your friends and start meeting new people. Go out on dates and find a guy that will appreciate you more than your ex did.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found your question on Yahoo.com

June 27, 2014
Advice Column: He’s making me unhappy

Advice Column: He’s making me unhappy. Image found on flickr.com

The Question:

He’s making me unhappy. I need relationship advice.

Alright so me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over a year. We broke up back in May but then got back together. Ever since we got back together, things have changed dramatically. I can’t trust him with a certain friend because they did drugs together behind my back. He says he won’t do it anymore and I can’t trust that. I’m always the first one to text him, he can never text me first. I cry all the time because he yells in my face when he gets frustrated with me. I tell him my feelings and its like he doesn’t listen. I’m not allowed to state my opinions about his friends but yet he comments on my friends all the time. He ditches me to go hang out with his friends, usually on the weekends. He makes me nervous and anxious when around him. He claims all he tries to do is make me happy, but yet he makes me miserable every chance he gets. He’ll stop answering my texts for a night, then give no explanation for it the next day. Advice please?

My Response:

Dear Unhappy;

It sounds to me like you already know deep down what you need to do. You broke up once for a reason, and you obviously don’t trust him enough to be happy with his decisions. Being with him is making you more miserable so why would you stay with him? I know it’s not easy to leave a relationship when you care about the person, but it’s not healthy to stay in a relationship that you are clearly unhappy in. If you feel that you need to talk to him, then talk. Let him know how you feel. If he doesn’t change then move on. You deserve better.

xo

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

June 25, 2014
Advice Column: I love my friends boyfriend

Advice Column: I love my friends boyfriend. Image found on flickr.com

The Question:

I love my friends boyfriend, what should I do?

Okay so basically I feel really bad, I’ve been out with this boy before. We broke up because someone spread rumors about us. We liked each other for a bit after and I carried on liking him. My other friend said he still likes you, I can tell, the way he looks at you.” By the way, he and I have always been really close friends so we hang around a lot, and when he told our group of friends that he loved his girl (one of my friends in our group) I was crushed. My best friend knows how I feel. I can trust her with my life so I know she wouldn’t tell anyone. What do I do?

(Edited)

My Response:

If he’s moved on with another friend of yours then you have to let it go. He has obviously moved on. I know it hurts and it sucks that he was your boyfriend and friend first but sometimes life isn’t fair. How long as your friend been dating your ex? Did she know he was your ex? Because this is another factor in this story. As a friend, I would never date my friends ex boyfriend. Now that she’s already dating him, I would let things go. If you say anything to your friend then you may lose that friendship. He made his choice by being with someone else, you have to find a way to move on.

xo

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

June 23, 2014
Advice Column: What does he want?

Advice Column: What does he want? Photo on flickr.com

The Question:

What does he want? I don’t understand him at all.

My boyfriend and I dated on and off for 3 years. We’ve been broken up for 7 months now, but even after our breakup he would occasionally talk to me, just to ask how I’m doing, which I think was nice of him. He invited me over for dinner 2 months ago which was the last time I saw him. Ever since that night I haven’t heard back from him. I texted him 2 weeks ago saying ” long time no talk how are you?” But he never replied back to me, so I thought there was no point in trying anymore. I was randomly checking my Facebook last week and apparently he messaged me saying “how are you? “Miss you” I was shocked! We made some small talk and the last thing I sent to him was a smiley face. He hasn’t replied back to me since monday and I don’t think he will since its only a smiley face, but then why bother messaging me in the first place right? I just don’t understand why he did that? Problem is I still do care/love him.

(Edited)

My Response:

Sometimes when breakups happen, it’s better to stop talking to each other all together. You had an on and off relationship for three years. That’s a long time and that’s not something that is easy to get over. I am not sure why you guys broke up to begin with but it must have been for a reason, if not you would still be together. Texting or messaging each other and hanging out can only make things more confusing. If you are confused then maybe you need to sit down with him and talk to him about what is going on between the two of you. If things are over, he shouldn’t be messaging you that he misses you, that can confuse a person as to what is going on. If things are completely over then let things go, stop messaging him and move on.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

June 20, 2014
Advice Column: Is my best friend into me?

Advice Column: Is my best friend into me? image found on flickr.com

Question: Is my best friend into me?

How to know if my best friend is now into me?

Response:

Just ask, it’s as simple as that. I know it’s easier said than done, but only true answers come from asking questions. If you don’t want things to be awkward then leave things alone. I don’t know the details of your relationship or why you think your best friend might be into you but it could be nothing.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

June 18, 2014