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Category: Relationships

  • My husband doesn’t want to have sex anymore…

    The Question:

    We have been married for 4 years and I am 25 years old and he is 28. I am sure my husband is still in love with me and tries to spend time with me as much as he can, and he is not cheating on me. But there is no sex drive between us anymore, the reason he gave for not showing interest in sex is that he’s got other ambitions to think about and he is not really into the sex any more.

    He was very passionate a year ago, and we had this financial instability for a while and since then it is changed. He cuddles with me and does everything just like in our newly wed days, but its been 3 months since we had sex… can anyone give advise other than going to therapist?

    My Response:

    Dear No Sex;

    If you don’t want to seek counseling I would recommend you first try to COMMUNICATE this to him. Sit down with your husband and tell him that you need to talk about the situation that you are in. Having other ambitions does not drive a man to not want to have sex, something else must be going on here. He is only 28, and I know many men at that age that are still driven as if they were 16 year old boys. 3 MONTHS is a long time, speak up and tell him what you want and what you need. Cuddling is cute and all but at the end of the day intimacy is so much more, and without it in your relationship things can go from good to bad. If you don’t think he is cheating on you, then find out what else it could be. You said that he mentioned he just wasn’t into the sex anymore? What is that about? How can a man not be into sex anymore, he’s only 28 for goodness sakes (Speak up because this is just not a good enough excuse). Most relationships where the man is not having sex can lead to a few different things (not necessarily cheating but it could be an option), he’s stressed over work, (and or you mentioned you had financial problems before) and maybe he’s still stressed over this and it is not totally fixed, this can make him a little too pre-occupied to think of anything else, or he is having some type of difficulty in the bedroom area and he doesn’t want you to know…either way which ever reason it is, it would need to be taken care of. So sit down and talk to your husband, don’t take the “I have too many things on my plate” excuse, we all do, but being together and working together in life is part of marriage.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Is my husband cheating ?

    The Question:

    I checked out our cell phone bill the other day, my husband and I share. He has multiple text messages from a co-workers # (female) back and forth for a couple of hours for several days. They texted on days and hours they are working, but when he is home or off they don’t text. Am I overreacting ? HELP ME…

    My Response:

    Dear Overreacting;

    If the texts are only coming in through out the day and working hours then it is probably work related. They don’t text after or on weekend so it probably isn’t a big deal. Unless you have proof of a certain text then don’t stress too much about it. If you feel that something may be going on then confront him and ask him why his co-workers text him so much. (But I wouldn’t make a big deal out of something that probably is nothing), I wouldn’t look too much into it, unless he’s doing other stuff to make you think that it may be more than just work related. Trust is a powerful thing in a relationship, so trust him and keep moving forward.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Should I get involved with a newly separated (married) man?

    The Question:

    Should I get involved with a newly separated (married) man?
    He left his wife last month but they have been emotionally disconnected for years. He has been waiting for the kids to leave the house to be with me. I never pursued anything until they separated. I don’t want to end up hurt and my friends are telling me not to do it.

    My Response:

    Dear Involved;

    I’m a little confused as to why he is waiting for the kids to leave the house to be with you? How old are the kids? If they are young, then that is going to be a long time, and you have to think of two things. One – if he really wants to be with you, it is understandable that the kids come first, but to wait until they leave the house is to the extreme, if he really wants to be with you he would regardless of the kids, and he would introduce you into their lives. Two – If the kids are much older and almost out of the house, what is the problem?? Again he should introduce you to his kids, eventually being in the house or not they are going to find out about you. As far as him just being newly separated and the fact that he says he’s been emotionally disconnected for years can be him just saying that to make you feel better about the situation. However, he could really be over her, and ready to move on, although if that was the case (Why are you waiting for the kids to leave the house again)? Ask him straight out what he is looking for in a relationship, you do not want to waste your time on someone who isn’t ready to be in a committed relationship. It sounds to me like he might not be ready…
    Good Luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Just separated, when should I date?

    The Question:

    Recently separated, how long until I start to feel happy again?
    I’ve been separated from my partner of 10 years, we have two children aged 3 and 5. Our relationship has not been working for 2 years now. It was more my decision to separate and due to this my parents are not talking to me. I feel so empty and hate the weekends when he has the kids, I have been warned not to start dating as it’s too soon and will not work out. I just want to know how long I’m gonna feel unhappy for?

    My Response:

    Dear Unhappy;

    It is always going to be hard because of the fact that you have children together, however with that said it has been 2 years since you have been having problems. If you don’t love your husband/partner anymore then you need to sit down with your parents and explain to them how you feel. At the end of the day, you need to live your life, and your parents aren’t always going to be here. They need to understand that if you aren’t happy in your relationship that you are not just going to sit back and stay while you are miserable. I am not sure how long you have actually been separated so I do not know when the appropriate time to start dating should be. There really isn’t a time period that anyone will agree with because of the fact that you have kids. You have to think about them, and you do not want to just bring about any person into their lives. Time will heal, and you won’t always be unhappy, you have to work at being alone, work at getting your life together with out the kids father in your life, repair your relationship with your parents, and when the time is right you will meet someone else. Don’t rush into it, life is short but you don’t need to rush into something you don’t think you are ready for. If you feel that you are ready to date, then go for it, I just wouldn’t bring the next guy around your kids unless it starts to become serious. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • I Slept with my twins boyfriend

    The Question:

    Like she wont speak to me and when she found out she pushed me down the stairs, it was a bit dramatic really. I think it is her boyfriends fault though he shouldn’t of done it. Shes a brat pushing me though, argh do you think that’s wrong ?

    My response:

    Dear twin;

    First how old are you? Second, she has every right to be mad at you, that is the ultimate betrayal from anyone let a lone a sister and especially a twin sister (usually twins are a little closer than most siblings). Perhaps your sister went too far pushing you down the stairs, but you aren’t physically hurt are you? If it were me, I might have kicked your a**. However, I am hoping that she dumped that looser of a boyfriend because if he’s willing to sleep with his girlfriends own sister the guy is a (well we won’t say what he is here, but you get my drift). It’s the boyfriends fault as much as it is yours. He didn’t force you to sleep with him, and his little wienie didn’t just fall into you, take responsibility and stop blaming only the boyfriend, it’s his fault as much as it is yours. Need advice DON’T sleep with your sisters boyfriend, friends boyfriends or anyone elses boyfriend. Perhaps you need to ask yourself why you felt you had to sleep with your own sisters boyfriend to begin with? Put yourself in her shoes, how would you feel if your sister slept with one of your boyfriends? Then come back and ask if she was over reacting. Beg your sister for forgiveness and hope that she forgives you and trusts you again, because if it was me I don’t think it would be that easy to forgive you or trust you again. Good luck and I hope you learned a valuable lesson here….DON’T SLEEP WITH ANYONE ELSES BOYFRIEND!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husband hurts me when he rejects me

    The Question:

    How do i tell my husband he hurts me when he rejects me?
    I’m 37 weeks pregnant and I know that sex at this point wont hurt the baby, only possibly encourage labor. The doctor has given the go-ahead and even recommended it. Four months ago my husband says that sex with me “isn’t the same”, which makes me feel so unappealing and fat that I cry almost constantly. It’s been so long and I know I have to wait at least 6 weeks after the delivery to have sex. It hurts me to think that the one man who should always be attracted to me just isn’t. I don’t know how to talk to him about these things because I don’t want to hurt him. He has always tried so hard to make me happy. I know he masturbates almost everyday and I also know he’s not thinking about me when he does, how do I confront him about this? I really need help!

    My Response:

    Dear Feeling Rejected;

    I know it’s hard but maybe your husband is just feeling a little awkward about having sex with you when you are almost ready to give birth, and even before that, it’s strange for some men to enjoy sex when they know their child is inside the mother. Some men do not know how to handle it or go about it and so it may feel like he is not attracted to you but maybe he just does not know how to proceed with the current “situation”. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel, and tell him that you want to have SEX! Don’t be ashamed, you are not fat, you are pregnant, and once that baby comes you can get back into shape and be your self again. Don’t worry about hurting his feelings, you are the one pregnant with your emotions everywhere, if anything maybe he is scared to hurt your feelings, so tell him how you feel and remember don’t ever be ashamed to talk to your husband, I am sure he loves you very much.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husband wanted a baby, now I’m pregnant and he wants a divorce…

    The Question:

    I can remember back just a few weeks ago, we were fine. Although I noticed he was staying out a lot more often, I asked him if everything was okay and if it was me, he said no and that he was still very in love with me. We started talking about baby-making just a few weeks ago, and he said he wouldn’t mind if we got pregnant right now, he said he would be happy about it. So, I let him know I was ovulating, we did it, and now I’m pregnant. As soon as I told him I was pregnant, he takes his wedding ring off and tells me he wants a divorce, that he isn’t ready for all of this. We’ve been married for four years. We’ve got one child at home already. So, I am really confused now. He told me he was serious about getting divorce papers.

    But that was all he has said about it, it’s been a week, and he hasn’t mentioned it anymore. He is still coming home at night, but not telling me that he loves me anymore. For example, when he leaves to go somewhere, I always say, “bye sweetie, I love you”, He just started saying “yep” and nods his head and walks out the door, even before he goes to work in the morning. He is still sleeping in the same bed with me, and all of that, but we’re not having sex right now since he found out about the preg.

    One of his buds that he works with that I am also pretty good friends with says he has been talking about divorcing me for over a month now! Why would he do all of this to me? I am so confused. I don’t know what he wants bc he hasn’t brought it up anymore. He’s only known about the preg. for one week, which is when he brought up the divorce. He has no reason, he just says he’s not in love with me anymore and he’s not happy. Just last week we were normal! He has seemed distant, and I’m almost 7 wks preg, so yes, I have been emotional, so maybe that’s why he feels this way? I was crying a lot over the passed few weeks and didn’t even know I was pregnant.

    What should I do? Should I bring up the divorce subject again or just let him sort himself out? I love him, I’m willing to wait on him, but I’m not willing to live in the same house with the man I love while he walks all over me and doesn’t show consideration for my feelings. I’ve been trying not to be emotional around him lately and hope that he will come back around. I don’t want to push this because it is too stressful and I’m still in the vulnerable part of my pregnancy.

    He is still talking to me, but not about personal things, just about things on the news, what happened at work, etc. He even brought a sub home for me last night after he got finished fourwheeling with his buds. He doesn’t really stay home a lot anymore, and he said that it was bc he wasn’t in love with me. I don’t know what to believe. Just the other day he said it was bc he got a new “toy” (his fourwheeler) and wanted to have fun with it (that was before the preg.). … he is sending me too many mixed signals and messages.

    I’m so hurt, and confused. I don’t know what is going to happen to us. I’ve been praying a lot. I love him so much, he is my world. I still feel the connection between us and for some reason I feel like he is not being sincere when he says he don’t love me. I don’t know what to do. I cant’ believe he has been talking to his friends about this for over a month and keeping me in the dark and leading me on. He’s acting like we’ve never been married.

    My response:

    Dear prego;

    Wow I am completely shocked by your story. I don’t understand, you have been married for 4 years which means you probably have been together for even longer. He tells you he is in love with you and wants to have a baby, so you make a baby and he just flips the script and says he wants a divorce he’s NOT in love with you anymore? Am I getting all this right?? Don’t you dare sit back and wait for him to come around, you have a child already in the house you have to think about and one on the way. I know this is painful but do you want to be with a man that doesn’t love you the way you love him? You need to sit down with him right away and talk to him, ask him what he truly wants and why did he just tell you a month ago that he loved you and wanted to have a baby only to tell you after you were pregnant that he doesn’t love you and wants a divorce? This is going to be hard, and you are going to have to be strong, but if he wants a divorce then he needs to get out of the house, there is no reason for him to be sleeping in the same bed next to you acting as if he was your roommate and not your husband. This is unacceptable and you need to see this. You need to love yourself and respect yourself enough to know that what he is doing to you and your children isn’t right and neither of you deserve this kind of treatment. He may be going through some stuff at work or some emotional confusion, but what confuses me is that this isn’t his first child, the two of you already have a child together so I don’t think he’s getting scared because of the baby that’s on the way, it has to be something else and you need to find answers. This is hard because you are already 7 weeks pregnant and I don’t know if you believe in abortion, if you don’t then ignore what I’m about to say, but if you do it is something you definitely need to think about. Do you want to bring another baby into the world with all the problems you are having with your husband right now. It is a possibility that you will get divorced and that you’ll then have to raise your two kids alone. It is also a possibility that he’s going through some type of emotional confusion and the two of you can try going to a marriage counselor, you have to at least try so that you know you tried to make it work for your family, but don’t lower yourself and take him living there as if nothing is wrong when you know there is something definitely wrong. Good luck and keep me updated.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • The ‘SEX’ Talk…

    The Question:

    Imagine that you are a parent and you find out your teenager is sexually active. How might you handle this situation? Would you prefer to know or not know?

    My Response:

    If I were a parent and found out my teenager was sexually active I would first take a breather, contain my thoughts and find a way to bring up the subject with out lashing out or pushing the teenager away. Teenagers are very sensitive and they tend to get shy around the subject of sex, especially with a parent. I would start talking to them at a young age so that I did not need to find out my teenager is having sex after the fact. I would be honest with them and I would tell them the consequences and actions sex has between a man a women, and I would ask them that when they were ready to have sexual intercourse to come to me and we would talk about protection. If I found out after the fact, I prefer to know about it so that I can talk to them and either buy my son condoms and talk to him about it, or if it was a girl, get her on birth control pills and also talk with her, because birth control pills only prevents pregnancy not sexually transmitted diseases, it is important to talk about all aspects of sex.

    In today’s society we forget that teenagers learn a lot at a young age, not only in school but in the media, blogs, magazines and more, but are they learning the right things? We need to be open about sex, it’s natural and there is nothing to be scared of, but if you rush into things and you aren’t careful, your life can change forever.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    ~I got this question from my Human Sexuality Course I’m currently taking~

    Love to hear your thoughts. xo

  • My bestfriend slept with my husband…

    The Question:

    I’m divorced, my husband cheated on me with my best friend. I just confronted her right now….!! Please tell me whether I did the right thing or not. The ex best friend and I met outside a high street shop, I had a bag full of all the things she had ever given me and as soon as I saw her, I threw them on the floor and chucked them in the trash. Then she tried to walk away, I grabbed her arm, gave her a piece of my mind and threw our childhood photographs in her face and said, “Some f****** friend you are”. She was taken aback, slapped me and then I pushed her against the wall, called her a ***** and left her picking the photographs up. I walked away and when I looked back she was on the phone with – my EX husband (who she is currently living with). Did I do the right thing or not, I was SO hurt and angry.

    My response:

    Dear Hurt & Angry;

    Let me start with WOW! Do you have kids with your ex husband? How long ago was this if she is already living with your ex husband and you are already divorced. I can’t believe it’s taken you this long to confront her. I say you did what you felt you needed to do, there is no wrong in you confronting her about her friendship or her sleeping with your husband at the time. She was definitely NOT a friend! What you did was actually very calm, she actually had no right to slap you, she is the one who cheated with your husband, and not only is she a cheater she cheated with her so called best friends husband, and now is living with him. Am I getting all this right?!? What kind of person does this??? Definitely not a GOOD Person! If I was you, I would have probably just dumped all the stuff we had together in the trash a long time ago, and I would have definitely confronted her sooner, I would have told her how I felt, how disgusting she is to do such a thing, and if she laid one hand on me, I would have probably done more then just push her down the way you did. So don’t for one second feel bad about doing what you did, or confronting her. She betrayed your friendship and your trust in one of the most worst ways possible. You deserve a better friend and a whole of a lot better MAN! Good for you for moving on and you have every right to be hurt and angry. Now that you have confronted her, try to move on and forget about them, I know its easier said than done, but you deserve better people in your life. Those two deserve each other, and always remember KARMA! What goes around comes around. Those two will get it one way or the other.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

    Know someone who needs advice or want to tell me how you feel on this subject leave me a comment or email me at soapnights@gmail.com
    xoxo

  • How do I get out of the “FRIEND ZONE”?!?

    The letter

    Dear Kristin Nicole,

    I discovered this blog because I’ve been exploring ways to become more confident with dating. Not too long ago I got dumped by my girlfriend and I’m a bit nervous about returning to the whole “singles scene”. Unfortunately my “skills” with flirting are out of practice, to say the least! Also, can your readers send in topics they want to personally ask you about? Right now I have a specific question on this subject because I am going through a frustrating situation with a girl I like and I’m just not sure how to move forward. I guess you could say I’m stuck in the “friend zone.” I’d really like to ask for your advice…or maybe someone can recommend a book that I ought to read? I would really like to get some advice on how to stay out of the friend zone with girls I like.

    Please help,
    Friends Zone

    My Response:

    Dear Friends Zone,

    I know it’s hard to be dumped by your girlfriend but you have to move on from that, don’t let that interfere with your confidence. If you like this new girl and you want to get out of the “friend zone” then tell her how you feel. Ask her out on a date, the worst thing that could happen is that she says no, but at least you are finally back in the “single scene”. Use this has practice, and don’t stress too much on your flirting skills, just let it come to you naturally, if she’s flirting back with you it’s more then likely she likes you too, and she’s just waiting for you to finally ask her out.

    If any readers have specific questions and want my advice they are more then welcome to leave a comment or even better for privacy they can email me at soapnights@gmail.com

    I don’t know of any books that are good on how to stay out of the ‘friends zone’ but if any readers know of any please feel free to leave any books you think would help on this subject.

    Remember confidence is always the key to any situation, when you know and feel you own the situation you will, and after that it will only come naturally to you.

    xo,
    kristin nicole