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Category: Relationships

  • I can’t help but wait for his call…

    The Question:

    Dear kristin nicole;

    Hi, me and my ex-boyfriend have known each other for over a year and have been in and out of our relationship. The problem is I can’t stop talking to him, all I do is wait for him to call me or IM me, or even text. When I first met him he was a huge womanizer…he used to make sexual jokes with other girls and etc.
    After a few months he lost all contact with other people though and just talked to me even though I encouraged him to get back his friends. After a few more months his parents found out about our relationship and completely started to rule my boyfriend. They insulted me and our relationship, and lied and manipulated both of us severely. It’s been going on ever sense, even though it’s not as bad as before.
    He used to lie about little things all the time, even things that didn’t even matter. He let his mother control his life and all his decisions, and even though his mother was emotionally abusing me and him he would not stand up to her. (Were both underage by the way) He also let tons of girls flirt with him, and when I told him that he needed to tell them to stop, he changed the subject and acted like I never said anything. Also when his friends made fun of me, or made jokes about me and I asked him to stand up for me he would just ignore it.

    He emailed my mom and told her about all the bad things I had been doing, even though I had told him to keep it a secret. I used to be a cutter and very suicidal, but I was getting help for it.
    Even though my mother found out she did not push help on me, and I got over it on my own.
    When I confronted him about it the first time he lied and said he did nothing like that, after pressing him for 15 minutes he finally admitted it, and he promised he would never do it again. After that he manipulated me into feeling sorry for him about his life and etc (like he does in every argument)
    A few months later I found out he was doing it again, I confronted him about it again, and he lied, and then manipulated me into feeling bad for him again. He kept on lying about little things and kept denying them, which got me pissed off. Recently I found out he posted his old sexual relations publicly on facebook, which disgusted me. I confronted him about it and he said it meant nothing.

    We broke about 4 – 5 months ago from an argument. (He told me I was over-reacting about being depressed over all of this, and I was stupid to think this way and relationships have been through much worse and I didn’t deserve to be talking this way). He used to have this gang of friends that were very rude, used girls and were very controlling. A year ago or so he said he stopped all communication.
    He lied and kept going back once in awhile, I told him to stop. He lied and kept going back.
    AGAIN I told him to stop and he kept going back. This went on for another like 3 times.

    Before I met him even though I was going through a-lot of stuff I was very happy, but after all of this It feels like I have clinical depression.

    I don’t think I love him anymore, I don’t trust him nor care about him or anything.
    but yet I can’t stop talking to him. I really want to stop but every time I do I can’t help myself but go back online to talk to him, or call him or text. I know i’m stupid to do that though.
    Please help me to stop.

    ~Waiting for a call~

    My Response:

    Dear Waiting for a call;

    It sounds like you already know where you want to be in this relationship and I cannot tell you how to stop talking to your ex or how to make you feel less sad about the situation, with that said however, you sound much stronger than what you give yourself credit for. You have surpassed being depressed and cutting yourself without the help of your family (which is what you stated), and the fact that you can be strong enough to know that was not good for you and to stop is very strong of you. You realized that your boyfriend was manipulating you into feeling bad for him and the fact that you have realized this is a big step. You already know you don’t love him any more and that you don’t want to be with him, the hardest part is actually letting go. Sometimes even though we know we don’t love someone anymore, and we know that they aren’t any good for us, as humans we tend to hold on to stuff, and even though you know that this isn’t the person you want to be with you keep talking to him. Ask yourself why you think that is? You have to be strong and lose all connection with him, you need to move on and it isn’t going to be easy because it sounds like you were in this relationship for a long time. You deserve someone better, someone who won’t lie to you, someone whose family will accept you and not try to cause more problems. You deserve to be happy and I think that you already know that leaving him and losing all connection with him is the beginning to that happiness.

    Don’t let him manipulate you anymore, be strong and know that you deserve someone better. Believe me there are better guys out there, of what you have described, this guy is a loser, and you can do so much better!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • 5 Worst Ways to Propose

    So I was reading this article on Yahoo.com, The 5 Worst Ways to Propose, do you agree?

    The List:

    1. Don’t propose in Public – they say most people tend to say yes because they feel bad with all the people looking, it’s pressure put on the other person and they might just say yes to please the people cheering around them, and later can turn around and say they really don’t want to marry you. (Wow that would be a bummer).

    2. Leave Food out of it – They say people have actually swallowed the ring (when placed in food or drinks) and well it’s not the best place to be on the day you get engaged if it’s the hospital waiting to “release” your ring (If you get my drift).

    3. Do NOT propose via – Internet (email anything that involves a computer) – I have to agree – it’s very impersonal, and when you propose it should be face to face with the person you love.

    4. Do not propose on the day you wed – Okay I only hear of this in Vegas and then it’s annulled the next day – so I have to agree, think about this before you do it, it’s a big commitment.

    5. Beware of Mother Nature – WHAT? That was my first reaction… According to Yahoo they say don’t propose hiking up a mountain or on the beach. Some have gotten lost in snow storms and lost the ring in the snow, others in the beach, and we don’t want to buy an expensive ring only to loose it in a few minutes of proposing. (do we?).

    I say be romantic, do something unique. People in New York although cute, stop proposing by the Christmas Tree it’s been done, oh about 1 million times (at least that’s what I hear from the locals in NY) 🙂 Here in Miami I am sure the Beach has been done and what did Yahoo say about the beach? (Oh yea we don’t want to loose that ring in the sand).

    Some women like the cliches of what is in the movies, if your lady likes it, then go for it, I don’t think there is really any wrong way to propose as long as you really know what your women wants. (Some women like the public scene, some like the ring in the food (although I think I would avoid this one), and some like to be spontaneous (although I highly recommend getting to know your future bride to be).

    Live, Love, Laugh ~ And do what you want when you are ready to propose, if she loves you it doesn’t matter how it’s done, I know some people who get proposed to in a car and have been married for years
    😉

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Is it appropriate if I write a letter to my ex-girlfriends daughter?

    The Question:

    My ex-girlfriend hates me and will never speak to me again, but I just had a dream where I bumped into her and her 7 year old daughter and the daughter ran up to me crying and hugged me. I woke up sad, and I would like to write the daughter a letter, just telling her how much I miss her. Is this appropriate? Should I write the letter or not? I do not have any ulterior motives like trying to get back with my ex-girlfriend or anything like that. Any advice would help. Thank You.

    My Response:

    Dear Dreamer;

    I know it has to be hard to not see your ex-girlfriends daughter anymore, especially if you came to really care for her. With that said, she’s only 7 years old, and although writing a letter is nice, she may not understand it, also, the mother will see it first and if she’s as angry with you as you say she is, more than likely she will just throw the paper away and not even show it to her daughter. Unfortunately when people get into relationships with people with children and it isn’t their child, we develop feelings as if they were ares, but the problem is, if the relationship does not work out, the child is left without that person in their lives and you are left with an empty feeling of guilt. I do not know what happened between your ex and you, but you are going to just have to move on. Children are very resilient to what is going on around them, don’t make it worse by making the mother more angry. It’s hard, but you have to let them go.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • She says she doesn’t want to be anyones GF?

    The Question:

    She said to me she doesn’t want to be anyone’s girlfriend?
    We have only been seeing each other for a month, she said this morning she likes me but she just doesn’t want to be anybody’s girlfriend. Then she wouldn’t really kiss me, so I left, but she grabbed me at the door to make me stay and said she wants for me to come around tonight. I don’t really get it… I don’t mind it being casual but it seems like there should be some free space for whatever it is to move into. Is she waiting around for someone better? Because I’m not and I don’t want to……

    My Response:

    Dear Stuck;

    You have options… Either tell her how you feel straight forward, either you are dating to be more than friends or you’re just friends, but either way be honest and straight forward with her (tell her to stop sending you mixed signals and to stop playing games) if nothing is going to happen then move on. There are plenty other girls out there that want to be in a relationship, and if you are that type of guy then move on. You can either stick it out and see where she is going with this, or you can be honest with how you feel, figure out what it is she really wants and go from there. Don’t waste time on a girl that doesn’t know what she wants.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Where does this leave me?

    The Question:

    If a partner can actually cheat on me for years, even have a child outside behind my back, even love the mother of his child (who didn’t know i existed) BUT still come home to me & our child and wont leave me, where does this leave me?

    My Response:

    Dear Lost;

    It leaves you in a simple situation, DON’T SETTLE! Move on and move out. This guy obviously has no respect for you or the other women and he thinks that he can “have his cake and eat it too”. You deserve someone to be with only you and love only you, not someone who not only cheats on you but has another family behind your back. Is the type of life you want to lead? Is this the example you want to show your children? Respect yourself, love yourself and always remember Never settle, never look back and never ever think that you aren’t good enough to have better.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • 10 Reasons you should Leave him/her…

    10 Reasons you should Leave:

    The most obvious of them all:

    10. You are physically or emotionally abused
    9. You aren’t happy in your relationship
    8. You barely talk/communicate to each other
    7. You both want different things in life (ie: career, place to live, marriage, children etc).
    6. He/She cheated on you

    and so what other reasons can there be?

    5. He/She is no longer straight but likes the same sex (ie: lesbian/gay) If you are already a lesbian or gay (the person decided that they aren’t a lesbian or gay and wants to date the opposite sex).
    4. He/She will never live with out their parents/family ruling them on every decision they make
    3. You have nothing in common
    2. You are not physically attracted to the person you are dating

    And the number 1 reason why you should leave someone

    1. You are simply NOT IN LOVE

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Is it normal for a cheating man to do this?

    The Question:

    Is it true that if a married man keeps going back to the same woman, even when he has had other affairs, it is because he has feelings for her?

    I recently found out that my husband has cheated on me multiple times, more often with one specific woman.
    Additional Details
    I caught him looking at a picture of her face the other day, but he doesn’t know that I know. Does this mean that he’s not over her? According to what I’ve read, they broke up a while ago.

    My Response:

    Dear Denial;

    Are you really asking “does this mean that he’s not over her”? You caught your husband cheating on you, and you found out he cheated on you more than once and specifically with this women. He’s looking at her picture, and they supposedly broke up recently… They probably broke up because she wants him to leave you and for whatever reason it is that men choose to stay with their wives he probably told her he wouldn’t leave you. But why would you want to stay in a marriage full of lies and with a man that is cheating on you? Respect yourself, love yourself and know you deserve better than this. If your husband really loved you, he wouldn’t cheat. I don’t care what the movies tell us, or what men say, if you cheated on me, then you really don’t love me. Don’t tell me it’s just sex either, because he could be having sex with you instead of her. Confront your husband and don’t keep this secret inside of you, it will only cause resentment and anger. I know it isn’t easy to find out your husband cheated on you, but you need to move on, find someone who won’t cheat on you and love you enough to be honest with you.
    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husband and I want a child & a career…

    The Question:

    My husband and I want a child and a career, is it possible? We do not see a “perfect” time to have one due to age, finances, careers, ect. pls help! I am 31 and my husband is 37. I have 3 yrs to complete my nursing degree. He HATES his job, and will take the opportunity once I finish to change careers. Our money is extremely tight. My husband does not want to have children past the age of 40, and he already has a 5 yr old daughter. I wanted to be a stay at home mom when I had a child, but due to my husbands strong desire to change careers, I don’t believe that is possible. So, I will have to have a baby during nursing school or not have one at all. That sounds terribly stressful, however is it REALLY worth giving up my desire to raise a child with my amazing husband? I need some advice from people with children and those who chose not to have them. How did your decision affect you later in life? Thank you in advance for your help!

    ~Confused and frustrated~

    My Response:

    Dear Confused and frustrated;

    I don’t have children but I can tell you that all my friends who have them don’t regret not one moment about it. I can understand where you are coming from though, I am finishing up my Bachelors degree and I couldn’t imagine working full time, finishing school and having a baby right now, however, with that said, if your dream is to have children, then go for it. It might not be the way you always dreamed, but if your husband also wants to have a child with you then go for it. No one said life was easy, especially when you add children to the mix, but I have heard only good feelings come with it. Don’t put your career on hold or make your husband put his on hold, if you guys want to have a family and a career then go for it. You also need to sit down and talk to your husband, I understand he wants to have a child before he’s 40 but he needs to understand that you aren’t the same age and although he’s almost there, you aren’t. A few more years won’t make a difference, if you finish your education at age 34 and he changes his career then he can wait another year or two while he focuses on his career and then you can have a baby, he’ll only be a year or two older. Again I don’t know your entire situation, but if he’s not happy with his job now, I don’t see why he has to wait until you finish your nursing degree to change it. Unless you aren’t working and he wants to start his own business then I can understand this, but in the meantime he should think about just changing jobs/careers. He doesn’t have to quit his job right away, start looking for a new one, then leave once you have one lined up. Communication is key, talk to your husband and weigh all your options. If you really want a family together, I’m sure you can figure it out. Good Luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

    Confused and frustrated

  • Should he move on or keep waiting on her?

    The Question:

    Should he move on or keep waiting on her? A friend of mine met this girl online last week and they have were emailing each other quite heavily for a few days. They had a lot in common and were looking for the same thing. They even exchanged a few pics of each other. This guy suggested they meet and said she could come to his place. He gave her his phone number and address. She was fine with that. Ok, then she changes it to a more public place which wasn’t far from his house and he was cool. She hasn’t given him her phone number yet, by the way. Ok, she sets the location, date and the time. My friend said he gets there but she doesn’t show up. Later in the day she emails him saying she was nervous about meeting him face to face but she still wants to talk to him. He said he was fine with that but he senses she may be loosing interest in him. The emails are starting to get less and less from her. He feels that instead of having him sitting there at a gas station waiting on her to show up she could have at least called him to say she wasn’t coming. She had his number but she didn’t even call or even send a text. She could have done that if she didn’t want to meet. Hell, it was later in the day before she even sent her email. They were suppose to meet at 10:30 AM and she didn’t send her email until 4 PM. Should my friend move on to someone who seems a little more interested? I told him not to put all his eggs in one basket and to keep looking elsewhere cause she seems like there may be some drama there she’s not telling. What do you think?

    My Response:

    Dear Friend;

    Plain and Simple: Move on…. This girl is simply not interested or she is way too shy, either way, if you are on a dating site, you know eventually you have to meet a stranger. I can understand her not wanting to meet him at his house, that is a little strange to do on a first meeting (she doesn’t know if your friend is a perv or not), it’s better for him to invite a person he’s never met out in public, the girl will feel more comfortable rather than meeting at his place. As for him waiting in his car for her at a gas station? (Was this the Public Place they were meeting in)? Sounds a little funny, if she’s the one who set up this “public place” then perhaps she just wanted to see how he really looked (not sure if they exchanged pictures prior to this or not) but maybe she just wanted to meet him and didn’t like what she saw so blew him off, felt bad and emailed him back making up that excuse, and little by little has not written back to him so that he can get the point and move on. Some women don’t know how to be straight forward and so they play these small games and expect the man to figure it out. Sorry dude, but “she’s just not that into your friend”. Tell your friend to move on and find another girl, and next time… PLEASE tell him to meet in a public place (coffee shop, diner, anywhere else other than his place or a gas station). Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Would you leave if he still didn’t want to get married after 6 years together?

    The Question:

    Would you leave if he still didn’t want to get married after 6 years together? My partner and I have been together for 6 years. Prior to starting our relationship we were good friends for 5 years. We currently have three children together.

    He has given me mixed messages about marriage since I was pregnant with our first child. At times he would say that he did want to get married but most of the time he would get angry any time the word marriage was mentioned and use a range of excuses.

    Lately I have demanded that he give me a straight answer and he has told me that he doesn’t want to get married to me because our relationship has been terrible for the entire 6 years. Should I leave? Does it seem so stupid to be with someone that thinks that?

    My Response:

    Dear 6 years;

    The question isn’t really should you stay or leave because it’s been 6 years, but the fact that he told you straight out that he doesn’t want to get married and that your relationship has been bad for the last 6 years seems like a clear sign that this guy is never going to fully commit. Don’t sell yourself short, if what you want is marriage, don’t stick around hoping that he changes his mind. More than likely if he says he doesn’t want to get married, then he doesn’t. You already have 3 children together and perhaps the first sign was when you were pregnant with your first (in which he didn’t want to get married). You are now stuck with him for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not, but do you want to be in a relationship that isn’t filled with love, and is only filled with (whatever it is he’s holding inside of him)? You deserve someone who loves you to the fullest and someone who will want the same things you want in life. If this guy after 6 years doesn’t want what you want, and is being honest about not wanting those things, then you have a decision to make. Either stay with him, and be unhappy that you are never going where you want to go with this guy, or get up and move on. It isn’t going to be easy but you have to do what is right for you and your children.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com