Category: Relationships

The Question:

Two years ago when I was 16 my (current) boyfriend messed around and starting going out with this girl, I only found this out through one of his friends as he refused to talk to me apart from the occasional ‘**** off’ etc. Obviously I was upset by this and a few days later he left her and said we could get back together, I was angry/upset at him still and I guess I wanted him to feel bad for what he’d done so I told him I’d slept with someone else after he’d left me (I hadn’t – I was a virgin), not thinking about the consequences, being that young. I shamefully pretended I’d gone to the doctors and they’d told me I was pregnant and I said I’d had one of those pills that flushes out all of the fetus etc. Immediately after I lied I completely regretted it, I’d just wanted to upset him for upsetting me and it got out of hand. 2 years later, we’re still together but I feel so guilty for lying to him I don’t know what to do. If I told him the truth I’m sure he’d break up with me and I wouldn’t blame him at all, but I don’t want to lose him. I know what I’ve done is wrong so please don’t lecture me. Any advice?

My Response:

Dear lies;

Two years is a long time to keep such a horrible lie to yourself. I understand you were young, but how young were you that you didn’t realize that the lie you were telling would cost you in the long run? This is something to never lie about and I’m sure you know that now, so I’m not going to go on about that, however, like I said two years is a long time. I know you are scared that your boyfriend might break up with you if he knows you lied to him, but if he was willing to forgive you for the lie, I’m sure he’ll feel better knowing that what you had told him wasn’t even true. Sure he might be upset with you that you lied and that it hurt him, but he wasn’t angel in all of this either. I’m not saying that made what you told him right, but honestly you should have never even taken him back after he cheated on you. Trust is a very valuable thing in a relationship, and without it there really isn’t a relationship to begin with. You have to have respect for yourself and know that you are better than that, that you are worth much more than second best. When a man cheats on you, you are only putting yourself down by going back with them, believing that you can’t get any better or just settling because you think this is love. What you did wasn’t any better, lying about being pregnant by another man and getting it terminated is a huge lie. You lied and now you have to live with it.

You know that saying, “You made your bed, now lie in it”. That’s exactly what you are going to have to do. If you don’t confess the truth to your boyfriend you can try to live with this lie forever, but eventually it will eat at you because the guilt is what is killing you inside. Be honest for the first time with each other, and explain to him what you explained to us. You were young and hurt and even though that is not an excuse you lied about this to hurt him. You are sorry but you can’t take it back and you just want him to understand what you did was wrong and that you want to be honest with him and hope that you can move past this together. Good luck

xo,
kristin nicole

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The Question:

I have been in a relationship for 5 months with a 25yr old guy who works and lives about 1.5hours away from me. So it is similar to that of a long distance relationship, however on weekends he comes down here and stays at his parents which is 20 mins away.

Most of the time I try to go up once a week to visit him, I am a 20yr student without a job so I have a lot of spare time and can easily do that. Recently however I have been more busy then usual and I started to feel a little left out of my boyfriends life. He is a very social person, and most weekends when he comes down he has a lot of plans with friends. Sometimes he goes to things that I am not invited to, but in the same token I also attend friends birthday that he isn’t invited to either. However, I have felt increasingly left out and unappreciated. I feel as though I am convenient for him and that he doesn’t make me a priority.

I tried to be patient and have my own life, but sometimes I felt as though I would have to twist his arm to make plans with me. I’d usually spend 2 of the 3 nights he is here, with him. It started to really hurt me about a month ago, when I started to see other peoples relationship and the sacrifices they would make for their partners. I felt as though my partner didn’t compromise his social life to include me.

I spent most of this weekend with my friends and going out socializing. My boyfriend got quiet upset about this, cause he usually prefers me being at home with no plans then going out. I spent that time away from him to think and gain some perspective. I told him we needed to talk yesterday and he started to get concerned. I went over today and broke up with him because I felt we didn’t spend enough time together.

The thing is that I wanted to try make it work, but we had the same conversation before and I knew that I had to be strong and make a decision. However, it still hurts and I still want to be with me. I just know that it is not good enough anymore and it’s hurting me.

When I told him he was very devastated and just wanted to let me think about it. He said that he knew that spending time with me was always going to be difficult because he lives in another city, and he can’t see me as much as he would like to. At the same time I feel as though he should have tried harder. So, I had already decided in my mind that I needed to make a clean break and he recognized that he couldn’t convince me otherwise. Then he asked me if I had cheated on him on the weekend (which I said no, because I didn’t and couldn’t do that to him). Then he just said I was the best girlfriend he ever had and how much he would miss me and how it as the worst thing that could happen. He just hugged me while I cried, then I had to go before it got too difficult. He tried to kiss me and said he call me tomorrow, but I told him not to contact me again.

He still wants to talk about it, but I really don’t think he can change. I feel as though I want to be with him still, but I know that it would hurt me. I think I did the right thing, although I still have such strong feelings for him. I am not sure what to feel or think, I just feel shocked and broken. And I know I will question whether this was the right thing to do. What to you guys think?

My Response:

Dear long distance;

First off you both should be doing things together when he goes down to visit, what is this that you aren’t invited, or he wasn’t invited BS?!? You are a couple and couples do things together, you don’t need to be invited to know you should automatically be invited because you are the other persons boyfriend or girlfriend. Any type of long distance is going to be hard and take a lot of work. An hour and a half isn’t that bad if you truly want to make things work, life does get busy and no one said it would be easy but it’s possible. If he’s going out with only his friends when he comes to visit and expects you to stay home, that isn’t right. Why should you have to stay home if he isn’t inviting you to hang out with him on the weekends. You are still young but you need someone that is going to want to be with you all the time, especially in this situation that he doesn’t see you very often. If you were the best girlfriend he’s ever had (as he puts it) then why wasn’t he spending the time with you instead of going around hanging out with his friends and not even inviting you?

I think you did the right thing. If you aren’t happy and you have had this conversation with him before and nothing has changed then it’s more than likely it will never change. You deserve someone better. I know it hurts now, and you wish you could be with him, but if he really cared for you or loved you, this wouldn’t have even been an issue. He wants to still talk about it, because men/women want what they can’t have. He didn’t think you would actually break up with him, so now he doesn’t know what to do. Move on, and find yourself a real man! You can do much better.

xo,
kristin nicole

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The Question:

I’m supposed to be getting married next Saturday, and I’m freaking out, I’m getting cold feet, and I don’t think its the right thing to do. I have known my fiance for 10+years, we have been dating for 3+years and we have a child together who will be turning 2 in June. I love my fiance, but I’m not in love with him anymore, make sense? I don’t feel the same way I used to, we hardly ever are romantic towards each other. …. we fight a lot, he calls me a ***** and a bunch of bad names, I just don’t know. I mean I’m a 25 yr old woman… but why cant i decide? I’m so confused…. someone please any advice?

My Response:

Dear Cold Feet or Not Cold Feet;

It could be that you are having cold feet, or it could just be that you aren’t in love with this person any more and it does make sense. You can definitely love someone but not be ‘IN LOVE’ with them. Sometimes we just fall out of love. This is something you need to figure out though, if you really aren’t in love with him anymore and you aren’t happy, this is the time to call off the wedding, do it now before it’s too late. You are only 25, you are still young and have your whole life ahead of you, you have plenty of time to find Mr. Right. I guarantee Mr. Right won’t put you down and call you names, that is very disrespectful and you have to really take into consideration if this is the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. (Can you picture your life without him?? He’ll always be in your life because of your baby, but can you picture your life not being with him romantically?) I know you have known him and dated him for a while now, and the fact you have a child together bonds you for life, but that doesn’t mean you have to live an unhappy life and marry the guy. If you can’t decide and you already said you aren’t in love with him, I take that as a pretty BIG SIGN, That getting married just isn’t for you, at least not with this guy. Be honest with yourself and stop the wedding before you do something you later regret. If it is cold feet, you would know you really love him but that you were just scared, so I don’t think this is the case. Look at your life, is this the way you want to spend it forever? You deserve to be happy and be treated with respect, if you aren’t feeling those things, then something must be wrong. Take a good look at your relationship and decide because after Saturday getting married is a lot easier than having to get divorced.

xo,
kristin nicole

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The Question:

I’m a 31 year-old-girl and my boyfriend is 23…Is a boy 8 years younger than a girl OK for marriage?

My Response:

Dear 31 year old Girl;

First things first, stop referring to yourself as a 31 year old ‘GIRL’. There is no such thing, you are a ‘WOMAN’. Second your boyfriend is 23 that doesn’t mean it’s not okay to get married, (again if he’s still a ‘BOY’ then you don’t need to be with him but if he’s a ‘MAN’ that’s a different story), if he’s mature and he’s ready to take that step then it can be great. My best friends husband is younger than her and they are very happy together. You have to however make sure that he’s mature enough and ready for such a commitment. 23 years old is a young age and he may just be having fun with an older woman right now, rather than really being serious about the relationship. You might be on a different level then him. I am not sure if this a subject the two of you have discussed or something you were just wondering about. I am not sure how long you have been together either to be able to give you more information. If you need more advice and want to give me more information on your relationship I would love to try and help. Good luck.

xo,
kristin nicole

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The Question:

OK me and my G/F had a big fight over the phone a few weeks ago, its a long distant relationship at the minute as she is from a different country. She came over here to live for 5 months but was getting very stressed because she was finding it hard to get work, so she moved back a couple of months ago and I have been out there a few times to see her and she will be moving back after the summer. Anyway after the fight she became very moody, we still talked everyday but not like B/F and G/F. A few days later I got a message saying I feel very emotional, I am trying to forget you so much but all I can think about is you. I really care for this girl and we decided to give it another go and I plan to go out there in a few weeks, but she has started to become very distant at the moment. She has just bought a car and I know its giving her a lot of financial strain, so yesterday I sent her a message saying “is everything OK, because at the moment you seem very distant, I care about you and I am worried about you”. This is the reply I got ‘Stop bothering me please leave me alone with my problems, I don’t need help, don’t make everything such a big deal. I will never take help from you, you know why’!! So i just replied you know where I am when you want to talk.

I am just a bit confused with this sudden change of mood, I know there is no one else. Could anyone possibly help me?? Could it be that she is just worried and she doesn’t want to worry me, but she is being very distant like I say and that is making me worry more.

My Response:

Dear Long Distance;

Long Distance = Disaster. If she was willing to move over there with you and be with you and decided to leave because it was too stressful not finding a job is BS! Life is stressful, but if you really love someone and you move to another country or State to be with them, 5 months is nothing and finding a job is hard, but if you were in it together than she should have stuck it out. Another question??? Why did she get a car she can’t afford?!? Perhaps this is a sign that she isn’t financially stable. I know you love her but it sounds to me that her pushing you away is an indication she isn’t sure she loves you back. I know you say she isn’t with anyone else, but it is a possibility, and it’s something you have to take into consideration, because people just don’t start distancing themselves for no reason. There is always a reason behind it! Find out, give her call and stop all this texting BS, tell her how you feel, and explain to her that you need to know how she feels and if she still wants to be with you and if she still wants to try and make things work. Don’t be scared for her answer, if she’s ready to move on, it’s probably for the best. Trust me everything happens for a reason, sometimes we aren’t meant to be with the people we think we are supposed to spend the rest of our lives with, and in a moment you’ll find that someone else, the person who IS right for you! Talk to your girlfriend, she either moves back with you to make things work, or you move over there, but something needs to be done, pushing you away isn’t the answer.

xo,
kristin nicole

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The Question:

Well i have this guy friend, and we’ve been friends for nearly a year and a bit. The problem is that we are seeing other people and when they went away for vacay, we got closer to each other.

We never talked very much and he was a really good listener when i had guy troubles and he would give me advise on how to go about it.
After that, he said nice things to me, saying that i am an awesome person and ill always be here for you and what things like that,. (not to mention he always asks about me and my boyfriend)

Thing is now, he and his girlfriend and things are kinda complicated for both of But what struck me most is how he said to me ” I think its safe to say now that i love you ( in a friendly way, of course) ”
When he said that, that’s how it all started.

And now has he also has been saying that “your in my wonderland” and that he is ‘thinking’ about him and me but wont tell me anymore than that. He also keeps asking me if I’ve missed him, but i cant really deny it because i have.

Ive tried not to picture us together, and I’ve tried staying in the friends zone, but its the things he says and the way he makes me smile that i cant help but do fall in love.

Can someone tell me what to do. I’m so confused. Please help? xoxox

My Answer:

Dear Complicated;

It’s complicated. At his moment you are both in a relationship and if you are having feelings for your friend then perhaps you need to take a break from your current relationship to sort your feelings out. You don’t want to hurt your current boyfriend. Your friend also has a girlfriend and needs to decide what he wants to do. If he’s telling you all these things and giving off hints, he probably isn’t going to come up to you and tell you straight out how he feels, you are going to have to confront him. You also will have to make a choice, if he does truly like you more than just a friend, you need to decide whats more important, your friendship or trying to see if things work out more than just friends. Unfortunately sometimes it’s hard to be friends with another man, but it isn’t impossible, I’ve had many guy friends who have never been anything more than just friends, but in rare occasions feelings do change, and sometimes it’s just mixed feelings because we tend to confuse True Love with Lust or True Love with just loving a person/friend. It is possible to love another man and not be in love with them or visa versa. You have to take into consideration that if you do try to make it work beyond friendship and it doesn’t work there is a possibility that you won’t stay friends, in rare occasions to ex’s stay good friends, sometimes things are too awkward or you simply move on with another person, this is something you need to think about. Be honest with your friend and ask him what’s up? Once you have your answer you are going to have to make a decision. Good luck.

xo,
kristin nicole

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The Question:

Long story short, I am a Junior in high school and my boyfriend is a Senior. Up until just a few days ago we had both been planning on going to college at Michigan State University so we could stay close to home and close together over the next few years. Then he got a letter from Polytech NYU trying to recruit him to go there (chemical engineering). From what I’ve heard, that’s a pretty awesome school. He is very smart, and I’m sure he would do exceptionally well at any school he chose, but long term, is it worth the separation and heartache for him to go to Polytech as opposed to MSU?

My response:

Dear college;

This is a hard decision to make and you guys are still young, unfortunately if you stop him from going he could regret this in the future and end up blaming you, especially if you don’t work out in the long run and if you do work out, you don’t want him blaming you for not choosing the school he really wants to go to. Let him choose the college he wants to go to and if the two of you are really meant to be, you can try doing the whole long distance thing. If you really want to be with him, have you thought about looking at colleges in New York? They have a lot of great schools, but if your heart is set on Michigan, then don’t change schools for him. Again, I know its hard to hear, but the two of you are still very young and you don’t know whats going to happen in your futures, don’t push him away from the school he wants and if you guys really love each other you’ll try to find a way to make it work. Good luck.

xo,
kristin nicole

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