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Category: Relationships

  • I want to save my marriage! Please help!?

    The-Question:

    Me and my husband used to fight a lot! The first time I left him was because he got really nasty when we used to fight. I realized how much I loved him and asked him for another chance… eventually after long hours of tears we were back together again. It went great the first month, then we started fighting again. We knew we should have gone to a marriage counselor, but we never did! After I asked him the one night if he want me and his kid or his alcohol he said his alcohol. I know he just said it because he was mad at me, but I was so stubborn and I left him again. It’s been 6months now and I still love him with all my heart, and I know it could work if we just get some counseling. But I’m afraid he’ll ask me why I left him and why I suddenly love him again… I don’t want to give him wrong answers or screw this up. Please help me, I love him. He also spent our last money on alcohol, but he only buys alcohol on the weekend. He doesn’t need to drink everyday or every minute, but does this make him an alcoholic?

    My response:

    Dear confused wife;

    If you felt compelled to leave him the first time, I am sure it was for a reason, just because you left doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t love the person. However, if the relationship isn’t healthy and you are constantly fighting that isn’t good. If you truly wanted your marriage to work it isn’t only you that has to fight to make it work, it seems to me he isn’t fighting either. Counseling is a good beginning, if you truly want to try again that’s always an option. My opinion: If you feel that you need to try one more time then go for it, go to marriage counseling and try to make it work, but remember you aren’t the only person that needs to make the effort here so does your husband. Sometimes we fall in love with the image of what we think our marriage should be, we fall in love with the idea of happiness and what could be, but sometimes we need to step back and realize that sometimes love just isn’t enough, sometimes it just wasn’t meant to be. If your husband is using the last of your money to buy alcohol don’t excuse him, it is a problem. Just because he doesn’t need it every day or minute it can be a problem. This doesn’t necessarily mean he’s an alcoholic if he is only a social drinker, but there are responsibilities and if he’s using the money for your bills for alcohol then YES it is a problem. Sit down with your husband and talk to him like two mature adults, explain to him that you left because of the fighting and you weren’t happy but that it doesn’t mean that you don’t love him. Explain to him that he too needs to make an effort and if the two of you really want to try to make it work that you need to go into counseling. If he refuses, then there isn’t anything you can do. But really think about what you want, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone you are constantly fighting with? With someone you aren’t happy with? Don’t look at what could be, and look at the NOW, Look at what your relationship is like now, and what it’s been like. Do you think that there is the slightest hope, that the two of you can change, that the two of you can be without all the fighting, and be happy? If you can, then go for it, if you can’t, then you have a lot of things to think about, and you need to make a big decision. Love sometimes just isn’t enough, we need more then that in a relationship. Good luck, keep me updated.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

    Please feel free to leave comments about what your thoughts are on this subject.

  • Two guys, do I choose anyone of them?

    The Question:

    Guy Number 1:
    I have someone new in my life. This person is the only one who has crossed oceans to see me. He’s come to visit twice in New York and Japan. He even told me he loved me and cried when asked him what we were. He said friends. You live far away and we really can’t put a label on this Now he is distancing himself.

    Guy Number 2:     This guy just this past week got in contact with me.
    I had strong feeling for him in 2008. When he broke up with his girl friend he came after me. Things eventually did not last. I decided to stop talking to him even though he wanted to safe the friendship. Now he emailed me just to catch up and thank me for taking him to concert back when we had a thing.We talked over the net for 1 hour. He said he missed talking to me and that I reminded him of someone very close to us. Men are strange..

    Is this sign that I’m just a good friend to all these guys.

    My response:

    Dear friend;

    Lets start with Guy #1 – I agree with him that you should just stay friends, long distance relationships are hard, I am not saying they don’t work out but the percentage of them actually working is low. It’s a little extreme to travel so far to see you, and I can see where you are getting mixed signals, but be happy that he was honest with you and he isn’t leading you on by saying he does want to have a relationship, later only to find out he’s with someone else because you are just way too far. Stay friends with this guy, he seems like a good guy.

    Guy #2 – It’s good to catch up sometimes but if things didn’t work out the first time, sit back and evaluate why it didn’t work out. How old were you, and some people mature after a few years, it has been 2 years since you last saw him. It could also just mean that the guy was lonely and decided to try and talk to you again because he remembered what a cool girl you are. I wouldn’t totally push this guy away if you like him, but I would keep my guard up. If you want to just stay friends with him, I don’t see anything wrong with that, but if he wants something more and you don’t, be honest with him and let him know you just aren’t into him in that way anymore. He lost his chance the first time, sometimes things don’t work out for a reason.

    Don’t think of yourself as just a good friend to these guys, they might like you more then that, but sometimes things don’t work out. Find yourself a new guy that is in the same City and start to date, and one that isn’t an ex boyfriend.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • I thought I married a man and not a child?

    The Question:

    Why can’t men clean themselves better?
    I swear when I do the laundry it’s like I have 4 little boys, I have three boys ages 4-6-9 and my husband and they all leave skid marks.
    How does my husband expect me to be sexually attractive to him after seeing stains each laundry?

    My response:

    Dear mother of 4;

    Okay first I have to just say it…. EWWEEE! Second, tell your husband as bluntly as possible that he isn’t 4, 6 or 9 and to learn how to clean his ass better. I mean if he needs to carry around wipes then just do it, but PLEASE, oh PLEASE learn how to clean your ass like a grown man! Explain to him how you feel, exactly what you wrote here “How do you expect me to be sexually attractive to you after seeing stains in your underpants”? Ask him if he would like to see stains on your underpants? I’m sure that might be an eye opener for him. Unfortunately men never grow up, and you have 3 little boys plus a husband who, well lets face it, isn’t going to change, but this is just something you have to start teaching your boys now so that they don’t turn out like their father (in this department, that is). Good luck, and be blunt with your husband, and if he can’t learn to wipe his ass correctly, you can tell him to wash his own underwear from now on.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • How do I deal with my ex? He’s constantly wanting to do things together and those times are…?

    The Question:

    How do I deal with my ex? He’s constantly wanting to do things together and those times are over. We have a four year old together, and been split up for three years. I am currently with a great man, however my ex keeps asking to do things together. He called to get our son this weekend and when he asked if I was still with my current he flipped the script, and didn’t get our son this weekend. It seems like he only wants to see our baby when I am there too. This is hurting my child, for he adores his daddy, and I am running out of things to tell him as to where Daddy’s at. What should I do?? Please Help.

    My response:

    Dear Baby Daddy drama;

    Be honest with your ex, and ask him straight forward, what is up with him? Your ex is obviously still hoping that the two of you have a chance on getting back together (you said you have been separated for three years now) he needs to move on. He needs to understand that you guys are over and there is absolutely no chance in the two of you rekindling anything again. Explain to him that when he says he is going to pick up your son, he needs to follow through with it, your son is at the age that he remembers if Daddy was coming to pick him up or not and he is only hurting your son. This is hard because you are thinking about your son as you should, but don’t hold back and be honest with him, he needs to wake up and realize that he’s hurting his son by doing this and he needs to move on from whatever it is he thinks he’s doing by hanging out with your son only when you are around. Does he continue to help you in other ways with your son? I know you lie to your son so that you don’t hurt him, and I am not a parent nor am I in your shoes, but I believe in being honest with your child, eventually you aren’t going to be able to come up with excuses, and kids are smart, eventually he’s going to know something isn’t right. Have faith and be honest with your ex, if he wants to be a good father, he’ll grow up and stop thinking about himself for a change. If he doesn’t grow up the only thing you can do is continue what you have been doing, being a great mother to your son and being there for him even if that means his dad isn’t.

    Good luck, let me know how it goes.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • What should i do about my ex?

    The Question:

    So I am 21 years old and have been with a guy for almost 2 years that makes me incredibly happy…I’ve been studying overseas for the past few months and he had decided about a month before i left that it would be easier to go into the distance as friends and focus on our lives as individuals…after being here, i agree, however it has made me feel very insecure about what’s to come in our relationship because there is no title…i have been traveling like crazy, and the only means of him contacting me is IM or email. I call him from skype, but he can’t call the number back so our communication means are very limited… I still love him to death and know I want to give us a shot when i get home in a few months but can’t tell whether I should read in between the lines with his responses, or if he truly is being sincere…i expressed to him my feelings and that i felt as if we were growing distant and he explained that of course he loves me and of course he cares about me and assured me that the only reason our communication is dwindling is because I have been gone and he assumed that when i got back from my trips that I’d give him a call…and then the next day he sent me a cute little email and signed it with “love”, so it doesn’t seem as if hes ignoring me, but i feel like he almost doesn’t quite get why I’m feeling the confusion I’m feeling b/c he’s in the same comfortable environment that he’s always been in and is constantly being reassured by me that i love him…is it right for me to get upset that there’s not an email waiting for me when i get back from my trips, or that he doesn’t constantly reach out to me? its realy hard because i have to call him and if he misses the call he can’t simply call me back..he can email me or IM me if I’m online, but because in this situation, the phone only works one way, i find myself reaching out to him by calling him more than he is reaching out to me… i have friends that are in the same situation and tell me that their boyfriends are constantly writing them emails, but that’s not the case for me. I’m very confused on if he’s just kind of taking things easy until i get home or if he’s distancing himself from me because I’m supposed to be catching some hint that its over between me and him? and if that’s the case then why would he still tell me he loves me and wants to see what happens with us when i get back? I’m really confused I need a girls and guys opinion please…

    My response:

    Dear long distance;

    First things first, you both decided to not be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore and live your individual lives, so you can’t expect him to be writing or trying to contact you all the time, he’s doing what you both agreed on “living your separate lives”. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you anymore or that he doesn’t love you anymore, he has obviously reached out and told you that he still cares, and that you’ll see if you take off where you left off when you come back home. My only concern with this, how long were you going over seas for? Why the breakup? If you are only going to be gone for a few months, I don’t understand why you two would break up instead of him just waiting for you to return. If you are going to be gone longer then a year, then perhaps he wanted to date other girls, which is something you have to think of and prepare yourself for. He’s a man, and men only think of one thing sometimes. The next time you get to talk to him on the phone reach out to him and ask him what is going to happen between the two of you, because you can’t keep waiting around for his calls, or emails hoping that when you return he’ll be there waiting for you to become boyfriend and girlfriend again if that isn’t going to happen. I know it’s hard and long distance relationships are very hard, but don’t compare your situation with your friends, your friends are receiving emails and IMs from there “still” boyfriends. Yours is only a friend right now (you decided that before you left remember). Take it easy be positive and if he really does love you, he’ll be waiting for you to get back home, if he’s not waiting, as much as it will hurt, it just wasn’t meant to be, and you deserve someone who will wait for you longer then just a few months, someone who will love you enough to try and make things work.
    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    Found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My ex girlfriend was raped and now she won’t talk to me anymore. Please help…

    The Question:

    OK I love my ex and we’ve been through a lot. She broke up with her boyfriend to be with me but she got raped a couple days ago and she won’t talk to me anymore and says she wants to be left alone. I’ve tried to show her love and affection, but she just doesn’t want to talk to me. She’s saying all guy’s are bad and can’t be trusted and things. And I preached to her saying I love her and won’t hurt her but it’s like whatever I say it’s not getting through to her. I love this girl with all my life and God knows if something would ever happen to her I couldn’t live without her. I thought she loved me and wanted to get back together but I’m not sure anymore. Girls are difficult lol. I’m not sure if she’s not getting back with me because she plans on getting back with her boyfriend she just left for me. I love her though and I want her to be happy. So please give me your advice please.

    My response:

    Dear ex boy;

    This isn’t about you, she was Raped, she didn’t just fall of a bike to get right back up. This is a traumatic event and she can be going through some major emotions right now. (Depression, guilt, post traumatic stress, so many things are going through her mind right now) the last thing on her mind is getting back with you or having any boyfriend. Men to her right now are evil, and it’s going to be hard for her to pass this and realize that you and the other men in her life that love her aren’t bad people. Don’t try to be her boyfriend, if you really love her give her time, just try to be her friend. Start off slow and just tell her that you are there for her as a friend, that you love her and whatever she needs you are there. Talk to her friends and family, she needs to be talking to someone about her Rape. (A counselor, a psychologist) someone…. be patient she needs time to heal and figure things out, she needs time to come to terms with what really happened to her and she needs to figure out how to move on from this.

    I found a few websites that help with rape victims… here they are:

    www.justicewomen.com

    www.healthyplace.com

    http://members.tripod.com

    htp://womenshealth.about.com

    My prayers are with your ex-girlfriend.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Why don’t I have a boyfriend?

    The Question – Found on Answers.Yahoo.com

    I don’t understand, boys tell me I’m pretty and nice all the time. I don’t have a boyfriend though whats up with that? What could possibly be wrong with me…..:(

    My response:

    Dear boy-friendless,

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You will learn that sometimes boys don’t always know how to ask a girl out. I was never the kind of girl to ask a boy out, but now a days, many girls are the ones to ask boys out. You can try asking the boy you like out, and if this route just isn’t for you then try throwing out some hints, or try setting up a few friends to go to the movies or to eat pizza and invite him to go, this will at least break the ice. Don’t act insecure, boys don’t like that, and that may throw them off, but if they are telling you that you are pretty, it’s more then likely they like you, and you might just have to step up and be the one to ask them out. Don’t be shy, be confident, you know you are pretty and fun to hang out with and soon you’ll have more boyfriends then you’ll know what to do with.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • What should I do about the way my best friend is treating me?

    The Question: Found on Answers.Yahoo.com

    We have been friends for a couple of years and a few months ago he told me that he liked me but he has a girlfriend so I was just going to go on with my life like normal. We texted each other everyday after school and talked all the time in class but when he was with his girlfriend he never talked to me. Then after a while there was drama between me and his girlfriend, and he told me that he didn’t care about the drama and he would stick up for me through it all, and he said that if they broke up we would be together. After the drama we texted for a while but now that we don’t have a class together he never texts me any more….I miss my friend what should I do?

    My response:

    Dear no longer friends,

    I think your friend was trying to have their cake and eat it too. He say’s he liked you, but then he had a girlfriend, but then “if” he left his girlfriend he would be with you? I’m not sure I understand? If he really cared about you he wouldn’t have said that, and he would have just broken up with his girlfriend to be with you. If he was willing to stick up for you and not his girlfriend, that doesn’t say much about him, it sounds to me like he’s a jerk. I’m sorry to say this, but when you have a girl/friend or a boy/friend and you enter into a relationship the friend in the opposite sex always gets pushed back a little. When you are in a relationship you don’t tend to talk to the opposite sex anymore because it might bother your boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s just the way things are. Him not texting you as much when he had a girlfriend is completely normal. I know it’s hard to not feel offended but this is what usually happens. I’m sorry but just because you don’t have a class together anymore doesn’t mean he can’t stay friends with you, if he was a true friend he would be texting or calling you to chat, but he isn’t. I say move on, I know you miss him but that will pass, you deserve better friends then that in your life. If you insist on trying, call him and ask him why he hasn’t texted you in a long time. Don’t text, people can ignore texts but if you talk to him in person or over the phone he has to listen to what you have to say. My opinion though, you deserve a better friend that what he’s been to you lately and I think you deserve better then that, you have to know that. Hope this helps.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • I have a problem with my boyfriend and his ex girlfriend..i need some real advice?

    I find questions about relationships everywhere, Answers.Yahoo.com, Help.com and more. I find these questions interesting, some I’ve been through myself, some I’ve given advice to friends about, if you have similar questions or know someone who needs advice please send them my way, and I will give them the up most honest opionion anyone can have.

    The Question:

    Me and his ex both know each other, and she used to have jealousy towards me and really didn’t like me at first. Now she’s OK with me, so I think. We don’t talk at all, but she still talks to my boyfriend. I told him I don’t have a problem with them talking as long as she respects our relationship. We’ve been together for almost two years, and a couple times in the past he told me that she said dirty, sexual things to him. I asked him why he still talks to her and why would she say stuff like that? And he says, oh I don’t know, she also got mad at him b/c she thought we broke up. So obviously she’s not respecting our relationship..but why would she think that we were broken up? I feel like he keeps telling her that we’re not really together just so he can stay talking to her. He never lets me see his phone, he never wants his ex to see us together, and it’s like he’s scared to stop talking to her. I don’t really think he’s cheating on me, but I think he’s lying to me about a few things, and it’s my fault for letting it happen as much as it has. He’s with me way too often to be cheating on me with her, and I have seen a couple of texts from her, just not all of them. Can I have some advice on what i should do and what your opinion is?

    My response:

    Dear real advice,

    First off let me ask why the ex girlfriend had to like you, and why there was a problem with you? Of course she didn’t like you, you were the new girlfriend in her EX boyfriends life, you are the one that shouldn’t have liked her and had the problem with her; NOT the other way around. Second, why is your boyfriend still friends with his Ex? He doesn’t want his Ex to see you two together? And the Ex thought you were broken up? Where did she get this information from, if not from him, if he isn’t cheating on you and there is nothing to hide, why is he hiding you from his Ex? These are the questions you need to ask yourself. If he respects you and knows how you feel about it then he shouldn’t be friends with her. I don’t care how the relationship ended, it ended for a reason and there is no reason to stay friends with an ex. Staying friends with an Ex only causes problems in the current relationship. If your boyfriend is being honest with you about the text messages that doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s not cheating on you, it doesn’t mean he is either, but why does he continue talking to her if he knows she is sending him these messages? The Ex Girlfriend is not going to respect you and that really isn’t something she needs to you, (she obviously doesn’t care by sending your boyfriend these text messages) you need talk to your boyfriend, have respect for yourself because right now your boyfriend isn’t having respect for you.; continuing to talk to an Ex knowing it bothers you and continuing to receive these text messages is wrong on all levels. Tell him how you feel and tell him that you do not want him talking to his Ex anymore, if he respects you and really loves you and wants your relationship to work, he will stop talking to his Ex girlfriend. If he doesn’t, then you need to re-evaluate your relationship and ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship where your boyfriend doesn’t take into consideration what you feel?

    Hope this helps….

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • So i have a problem with my boyfriend’s mom.

    I found this question on a site called Help.com and I found it interesting to give my advice.

    The story:

    My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and for the first time I got into a fight with his mom. My boyfriend and I were arguing. I was on my cell and he was on his mom’s cell. We got into a fight and were hanging up on each other. Then I went to call him back on her phone and she answered ******* me out and hung up on me. this happened about 3 weeks ago. his mom and i have not spoken to each other since. I go over to his parents house (he lives there) and she wont even be in the same room as me or say anything to me. When i call on the house phone she never answers she hands the phone to someone else to answer. I can no stand this anymore. I think she is being very childish for being a 40 year old mother. I don’t feel that I did anything wrong because I never said anything to her or ******* her out or hung up the phone on her. I also do not feel that I should apologize, or be the one to start a conversation with her. I am not saying that she needs to apologize but I think she needs to be the one to take me aside and settle this. I am so frustrated with this situation and it is tearing me and my boyfriends apart. I try and talk to him about it but he just gets mad because he does not want to deal with this problem because it is between his mom and me.

    My response:

    Dear not speaking,

    I know that the situation is between you and your boyfriends mother, but being the girlfriend, I don’t think it’s wrong of your boyfriend to interfere and talk to his mom. I think you should talk to your boyfriend and tell him that it hurts that his mom isn’t talking to you, (If he starts to get upset tell him you just want him to hear you out), I see no reason as to why he can’t just tell his mom to stop acting the way she is. Unfortunately , we think differently then men, and he may feel that he’s getting in between the two of you and he doesn’t want to choose sides. What they don’t understand is that there really isn’t a side to choose, you just don’t want his mom to be upset with you, and you just want to go back to the way things were. Your boyfriend should just ask her why she is not talking to you, and try to mend things, he shouldn’t want that awkwardness to interfere in his relationship. If he doesn’t want to get in the middle of it, he kind of already is because he was using his mom’s phone the day you were arguing and he didn’t have the audacity to at least step outside while talking to you, he was obviously having the argument with you in front of his mom. His mom must have heard something she didn’t like and took offense. I don’t agree with this tactic and I do think his mom is being childish for not talking to you, your fight with her son had nothing to do with her. However, if you don’t want to have this awkward silent talk between the two of you every time you call or go over then it seems you are going to have to be the bigger person here and break the ice. Go up to her and just tell her that you aren’t sure why she is upset with you but that you apologize for anything she might have taken offense to. (I know what you are thinking…why should you apologize for something you didn’t do)? Well if you want to just fix things we sometimes have to just be that bigger person, let the other person hear what they want to hear, even if we know we shouldn’t be the one apologizing. If you choose the keep ignoring her route, things may blow over and she may soon come to her senses and just start talking to you again, but do you really want to just keep waiting and feel uncomfortable every time you are at your boyfriends house? Be the bigger person in this situation and just confront her, if you don’t want to apologize just straight out ask her what is bothering her, and explain to her that you don’t like this awkwardness there is between the two of you. That should break the ice, and go from there.

    Good luck…

    xo,
    kristin nicole