Life is a mystery... (Isn’t that a Madonna song?) Anyway…. I am not old and I know I have many journeys to overcome and many obstacles to pass and I have a lot to learn along the way, but I don’t think that I will ever understand life.
Sometimes we pray so hard for something that never seems to happen, other times we barely wish for it and “BAMB” you have it. In every moment of my life that something has happened I wonder if this is what is truly what is meant for me or is this some kind of challenge or lesson that I need to learn and overcome?
Life is Hard…
But in the end, we still live it, we still enjoy it, we still curse it, and we all love it at one point in our lives. The question everyone asks “Why is life so hard?”, the same question no one has an answer to, is the same question I constantly find myself asking. In the end we have no answer, we keep living our lives and trying to make the best of it.
Life is truly a mystery, so don’t spend so much time trying to figure it out and just live it. Life is too short and I’ve learned that we need to live in the Now, we need to enjoy today, and we need to spend it with the people we love.
Today I start a new chapter in my life. I am moving into my new Condo with my boyfriend and I am blessed to have the support of my family and friends. Thank you for all of those who have helped us along the way, we love you.
Frustration is a feeling we get when things don’t seem to be going our way. I try to think positive when frustration hits, but it’s so hard when your emotions are going 100 miles a minute and all you can think about is what you are not getting and what is hurting you in the moment. Everything happens for a reason though! Right??? I mean that’s what I’ve always said, and even my mom said, that I was a true believer in that. For goodness sakes I even preach it to others, but why is it so much more difficult in the moment to believe that what is happening is really for a reason?
Everything Happens for a Reason…..
Who came up with this saying? And why is it that in the end I TRULY believe this to be true? Many things have happened to me that I still don’t know the meaning for, and some things happen where I turn around and say “wow that really needed to happen for me to get where I am now”. Of course this didn’t happen right in the moment. Sometimes I want to just scream and throw a tantrum like when you are 2 years old. Sometimes I want to just cry and ask why oh why. And sometimes I just want to be left alone to think about what is truly happening in the moment and wonder if this doesn’t happen, if this doesn’t go my way, what’s next?!?
In those moments….
When everything seems to be going wrong, I sometimes get this calming feeling come over me, like something or someone telling me that everything is going to be okay. It’s strange, but I believe that feeling, and I take in that calm comforting feeling that everything is really going to be just “OKAY”. Even though I don’t always understand why “things happen for a reason”. I know that it must be true, because we just don’t get where we are by accident, we get there with the choices we make, with the the actions we choose and we get there because “things happen for a reason”.
Monday I wrote about Tomorrow never being promised, and I still stick by that, which is why you have to make new beginnings with the people you love.
Each day that passes by is another day wasted or another where you know you have achieved what you really wanted to do. Each day we grow older and each day we see things differently. If you know me, you know of the things I’ve had to endure throughout my life, and the things I’ve gone through. Each and every moment is a memory whether good or bad and each memory is the one thing that has made me into who I am today. Some people may say I’m cold, I’m selfish, I’m stuck up, those who know me say that I’m a person’s best-friend, I’m loyal, and loving and I’m always there for you.
I have struggled to finish school and I have finally received and finished my AA degree. I am continuing forward to a new beginning, going towards my bachelors degree, in which I start classes again on Monday. I have finally found a new place with my boyfriend and we are moving in this Friday, I have a wonderful job, and great family and friends, what more can a girl ask for?!? A new beginning doesn’t have to start with a drastic change, a new beginning can start with the small things in life that make you happy, (like finding a new apartment), or getting a new dog. A new beginning is what you make of it. I’m moving forward, I’m starting my life and I am positive that with everything I hold inside me, I will succeed. That my boyfriend will succeed in the things he is working on. That my parents will always pull through and they will always have the love of their children and grandchildren. That my sister will grow these next few years into the wonderful women she already is becoming. That my brother and my sister in law will find what they are looking for and pull through the hard times and that I will find true happiness in what makes life’s simple moments, Great moments! A new beginning, whether big or small is what you make of it. Today and every day is a new beginning.
xo,
kristin nicole
A New Day
Tomorrow’s never promised
Tomorrow I may die
but today like every other day I live my life.
With every heartache good or bad
We grow stronger every time.
With every tear that falls
I know what is truly mine.
A new beginning never ends
each day we start a new
with every smile and every laughter
we live each day through and through.
A new beginning just for me
with every hardship I’ve endured
and with every journey
I always seem to learn.
A new beginning big or small
I start today with this:
I love my life today, tomorrow and every day after this
because tomorrow’s never promised
I live my life each day, never having regrets, never giving up on hope, never letting life take control.
Live each day in the moment, not in the past
A new beginning will arrive at last.
I don’t feel protected by my spouse? Recently, my husband and I went out for my birthday to a local bar and grill. My husband’s ex wife happened to work there. As we were leaving my cousin popped something off to the woman, who immediately called a friend to come to the bar. After telling everyone goodbye in the parking lot I went in to apologize. On my way out a woman I didn’t know (the ex’s friend) shoved me into the glass door (she came from outside) and continued to harass me. She pulled my hair, and naturally out of instinct I punched her. My husband broke us up, and right after left?? I had no idea who this woman was, or how she knew what I looked like? My husband blamed the incident on me, saying I should of left once I found out his ex worked there, even though I was nice to her? His ex later wrote a facebook message in which my husband didn’t respond to the things she said to me. I am concerned, my husband and I had been fighting prior to my birthday dinner, but regardless I feel he should of stayed and protected me, or at least made sure I was okay? I can’t get over it, and when I try to talk about it he lashes out at me. Please give me some feedback, I need some other opinions. Also, when I asked why he left, he said he was afraid people he worked with would see?? I’m lost. I just don’t feel like he would protect me, and I am beginning to wonder why the situation doesn’t bother him? Am I overreacting??
I DID NOT SAY ANYTHING TO HIS WIFE. I APOLOGIZED FOR MY COUSIN’S ACTIONS!
*Also, where we live there is only one place to drink, and it is a dry county. No one my husband knew or worked with was there that night besides his ex. Turns out he went there the Saturday prior and was told his ex worked there, even though he denies it.
My Response:
Dear Unprotected;
The fact that he did not stand up for you and the fact that he is getting upset over something with his ex worries me. Why is he so defensive on his ex’s feelings and not yours? Why is he getting so defensive if he is not hiding anything. The fact that you went inside to be the bigger person and apologize for your cousins actions shows that you were doing the right thing. It was your birthday, if your husband felt uncomfortable from the beginning knowing his ex wife was there, then he should have said something and you could have gone somewhere else, if there was no other place to go (as indicated you are in a dry county) then he should have enjoyed it with you and not worried so much about what others would say or think. Aren’t you his wife now? I don’t understand the big problem. As for getting in a fight with the ex-wife’s friend, the friend started it, were you supposed to allow her to pull your hair and hit you? You did right by defending yourself. I don’t expect your husband to fight another women, and he did pull you apart but he should have not been so upset with you afterwords, especially when you were trying to explain to him what happened in the first place.
You need to get to the bottom of this, it sounds like your husband may be upset about something else or he’s hiding something that he lashes out every time you try to bring this up. You need to sit down with him, when he’s in a good mood, tell him that you want to talk and you don’t want him to get upset because he needs to listen to what you have to say and take in what you have to say before responding back to you with any negative feedback. Explain to him that you were only trying to do the right thing by going in an apologizing for your cousin, the fact that you were being the bigger person should show that it didn’t even bother you that she was there. If something is bothering him, he needs to let you know, because you cannot live not talking to each other over a petty fight.
Hope it works out for you.
Thursday I woke up and I went to a funeral, a man I barely knew surrounded by the people he loved and who loved him. His daughter gave a beautiful speech about who he was, who he became, how he accomplished all the things he wanted in life, from marrying the person he loved and having 3 beautiful daughters to having the career he wanted to living a life where he mended all the regrets he may have had before he passed.
I sit and wonder sometimes how life is passing us by so quickly. The older we get the faster it seems to go. Some people in life wait to do things in life not realizing that tomorrow is not promised. We wait to have the perfect career and enough money to support a family before having a family. We make mistakes and we don’t mend them with the people we said we loved. We hold anger and regret and we hold it inside until there is nothing left. We can not wait for a part of our lives to be perfect before making the next step into your life come alive, because if you keep waiting you may never get that chance to move forward with the people you love. If tomorrow never came did you tell the people you love that you love them? Did you mend any wrongs you made in life? Did you tell your friends how much you care? Are you where you want to be?
Life is too shorts to worry about the what if’s and I wish but life is something we treasure anyway. We live a life to get where we want to be, but stop for a second and take a few minutes to evaluate your life, think about the things you want in your future and ask yourself, can I HAVE THIS NOW? Why not now? If it’s there and I can grab it, then why not go for it? Tomorrow is never promised, if you keep waiting it may no longer be there for you to grab. Love, Live, Laugh (right) because if tomorrow came and you never told the person you loved that you love them, how would you feel then?
If you are reading this and you are my family, I love you. If you are reading this and you are my friends, I love you. If you are the person I want to spend my life with and you are reading this, I love you. If you are reading this and you know me but we haven’t spoken in a long time, I’m sorry. If you love me tell me, if you love me hug me, if you love me kiss me, if you love me….
What can i do for dispute between my mom and my wife?
My Response:
Dear Son & Husband;
If your mom and wife are constantly disputing you need to sit down separately with them and see what is causing the dispute. Your wife is your family now and I’ve come to know that when a wife and mother in law don’t get a long it’s usually because the mother in law is meddling in their business or being mean to them, not wanting to let go of their son. You need to sit down with your mom and explain to her how bickering and fighting with your wife is doing no good, and that she needs to stop and get along with her. I don’t know the full story so I don’t know why they truly don’t get along. Talk to your wife and try to find out what is bothering her and why she keeps fighting with your mom. If your wife is the one who is starting the fights tell her that she needs to either ignore your mom and just be civil when you are together (for your sake) because that is your mom and she will always be your mom. Your mother on the other hand needs to let you live your life and realize that this is your family now, and she needs to stop bickering with your wife. The only thing you can do is sit down with them and tell them how you feel and try to get to the bottom of their bickering. Family should be able to get along. I am so grateful to get along with my mother in law, and its the most wonderful thing.
We are married for 8 months now and I am all alone with him and my people are in a different city. For a very petty issue… my husband got really mad at me and hit me hard (I had to hit him back to defend myself) and now I have bruises in my face and hands.. and he hit me really hard on my head many times… I was advised a CT Scan.. and luckily, it turned out to be just swelling externally in my head. He only took me to the hospital, but he regrets what he did, but still I am very very upset and every time I go to the bedroom I get reminded of how badly he hit me several times that day; pulling my hair so hard and much more… I believe he loves me and I am financially completely independent all I expected out of this marriage was pure love. I don’t know what I should do now; my inner mind tells me this might happen again. I haven’t informed any of my people about this, as I know they will get very worried. Any thoughts on what I should do now?
Additional Details
Thank you so much for pouring in all your thoughts.. 1) I am in India. 2) Issue was nothing but, I was upset about not being able to find a movie of my choice from a place near by, so I didn’t talk to him for sometime because I was upset with my own fate and he didn’t care he later inquired what was bothering me as I was lying alone sadly for sometime. He started off very harsh asking what happened to me, I just replied that issue would worsen if you ask in this tone. He didn’t like my reply and threw some juice in my face, I said I would not take the way that I was being treated and he said he would still do the same in-spite of me explaining to him calmly multiple times how I was feeling. Even in the past for other petty issues like this, he has thrown and broken household things. Once he was even about to break my office laptop and I just assumed that he would go to the extent of hitting me! And I consciously threw juice back in his face as I got tired being submissive and I made up my mind to face the worst and did it. Please help….
(Modified a few changes in the spelling and tried to make it make sense – Kristin Nicole)
My Response:
Dear Abused;
I don’t know how things work in India, but here in the United States what you two are doing is called abuse. No man has the right to hit any women I don’t care where you are from, and I don’t care what you do back to him. The two of you need to sit down together and figure things out. Do you want to make things work with someone who gets upset because you are upset and then just starts throwing things and hitting you? You are also not innocent in all this either, if he is asking you why you are upset there is no reason to get more upset at him, and just because he throws something around the house does not give you the right to throw something in his face (juice). The two of you are abusing each other and it isn’t right. You can not grow with this relationship if it is only going to be about yelling at each other, throwing things or hitting each other. (Like I said before this gives him no right to hit you), but the both of you need help, and your marriage will not get far if the both of you are abusing each other and yelling and fighting all the time. You need to evaluate your relationship and ask yourself “is this the man I want to spend the rest of my life with”? If you know the answer deep down is no, then you need to move on (not sure if divorce is allowed in India) but you need to get away from this abusive relationship, if you want to stay, you are taking the chance that your husband will not stop abusing you and you will only retaliate back by abusing him. (This is not a healthy relationship). Think about what you two are doing to each other, talk to each other and make a decision before someone gets really hurt.
My husband and I were separated for 3 years because of alcohol and prescription drug addiction. It sadly caught up with him and last week he died. We had a good relationship towards the end and the girls (10,12) got on well with him. This was after a couple of years of abusive phone calls, barring orders etc. Now since he’s died I keep expecting to see him, I’m so afraid of being on my own, and yes I do feel stupid saying this , but yet when I go up my stairs at night my heart is beating and I’m taking antihistamines that I know make me groggy to sleep! my sister thinks I have survivors guilt but all I know is that I’m a person who doesn’t believe in an afterlife or ghosts or anything like that but I’m still scared all the time, has anyone felt this? I know I’m rearing my girls in a way that I know he would approve of, I don’t have another man in my life, why do I feel this way?? Sorry for the long thread , thanks in advance for any help.
My Response:
Dear Guilt;
I think you may feel guilty for not being able to help him sooner, maybe guilty you left and didn’t stay longer to help him, seeing that you ended up getting along so well in the end. You need to let that go, it is not your fault that he was addicted to alcohol or drugs and he chose that life. You had to separate for him to get better, and it was great that he was doing so good in the end, but unfortunately it was just too late. It is hard to not be able to talk or see him everyday like you had been accustomed to for so long, but it will get easier as time goes by. You need to be strong for your girls now and keep doing what you have been doing this entire time that he wasn’t there (and was there) being a great mother to your girls. You have to let go whatever it is you are holding inside you and until you do that, you won’t stop feeling the anxious feeling you feel when going up stairs to bed, or thinking about your ex husband. However, things happen for a reason, and although we don’t always know the reasons behind what happens in our lives, we have to learn from them and grow from them. There is a lesson here to be learned, look back and look at your future and you are the only one that will know what everything means. Stay strong and forgive him for the pain he’s caused you in the past and forgive him for passing away (for in the end he was trying to make things right). Time heals all wounds (even if you don’t see that now).
Is this adultery to you guys or not….?
A spouse moves out then starts to see someone else is that adultery?
My Response:
Dear Curious;
Depends where you are from. You can call any lawyers office in your area to find out for free. If you are from Florida, Florida is a No Fault State. There are no legal documents for separation and once you are not living together you are technically separated, so it does not count as adultery. Find out by a local lawyer in your area, but if she’s/he’s moved out and they are now with someone else then why bother worrying about adultery, at least they moved out before starting a relationship, and if they moved out there are some issues that need to be resolved, I don’t know the whole story so I’m not sure what else is going on in this situation. Good luck….
I am 26 and engaged to my fiance who I have been with since I was 19 years old, (engaged for 2yrs). We have a 2 year old daughter and I had our second child, a son, the started off this year with a really bad liver. We both started fighting as our son couldn’t leave the hospital and I would turn on him for the littlest things, he would always tell me how much he loves me & how he needs us, he grew up in a hard upbringing and I grew up with hard working parents. After one of our arguments he left our house in a temper & got arrested for aggravated assault, He is serving 15 years and is up for parole in 2. I felt like my world was coming down on me. My son died 6 weeks ago and I went to see my fiance & I blamed him for his death & for not being here for me and his daughter. He just looked at me and said that he knows I don’t mean that, that I just need someone to blame and that he loves me. His mom said he is distraught he has been put on anti-depressants, he always told her how much he loved me, the thing is, he is his own worst enemy, and he reacts before he thinks. He told me last week that he knows its selfish of him but he wants me to wait for him as he cant stand the thought of me being with somebody else. I don’t know deep down if I can deal with knowing the man I love & want to marry will be in prison for that amount of time. I have a really good job that keeps me busy but my mind always goes back to thinking about it, Any advice would be great
My Response:
Dear Fiance;
It is a hard decision to make. On one hand he wasn’t there for you while your son died and that’s the time you needed him the most. He may only be in Jail for 2 years but the choice that you have to make here is one (can you wait for him for 2 years or more) and two (he’s actually going to prison, is this the type of man you want to spend the rest of your life with) a man who can not control his temper, a man who runs from his problems when things get hard? Granted you said you got upset at him a lot and sometimes that happens with couples who are going through hard times, especially in the situation that you were in, you have to realize that this wasn’t easy for him either and he too lost a son. A lot of girlfriends/fiance/wives wait for their men to get out of jail (depending of course on what they did). If you really love him and this is the one person you truly want to spend your life with, then wait, but if you are blaming him for your son’s death, that is something you truly need to get passed before being with him. Your son was sick and it was not your fiance’s fault, however I understand being angry at him for not being there with you during this time. He definitely should have at least been there with you guys. No one can really tell you what to do here, you have to first forgive him in order to move forward with him and you have to then truly decide if this is the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with. You are still young and you have choices in life, sit back and take a look at everything that has happened, maybe even write down on a paper all the good things about him and all the bad and weigh them out, if at the end you just know you love this man and want to spend the rest of your life with him, then it’s your choice to wait for him, but remember he’s up for parole in 2 years, that doesn’t necessarily mean he will be out in 2 years (can you wait that long)? And most importantly can you forgive him for not being there with you when your son passed away? I am truly sorry for your loss.
