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Category: Everyday Life

  • Living in the Now

    Sometimes I wonder if what life is showing me in the NOW is what I’m supposed to take into my heart?!?

    As of late I have a lot on my mind. Wondering where life is leading me at my age, what life has in store for me in the future and if what I’m doing NOW is the right thing towards a better tomorrow. We each live our lives the best way we know how, the way our parents or guardians have taught us to live. We live doing what we think is right and we hope that what our future holds is what we have been working so hard to achieve. Do you ever sit and wonder where you would be if only you turned right on that road, instead of left? I sometimes wonder why it is I don’t really wonder about turning right instead of left. I sometimes do not think about the what if’s because if I think “what if”, it isn’t going to change the NOW.

    We all have regrets in life, I should have done it this way… I never should have… If only I would have… all those what if’s won’t change the fact that you did or did not do something you should have done. Each path we take in life is a lesson learned, build on that lesson and figure out what it is you need to do so that you don’t make the same mistake twice.

    We all have choices in life. We choose to love someone, we choose to hate someone, we choose to wear the clothes we put on in the mornings and we choose the simplest things in life that make us happy. If you aren’t happy with your life, you have the choice to change it. I know sometimes it’s scary to make those choices, to finally get up and make the move, but if you do it, if it will truly make you happy, then why not go for it?

    I once was told that I was like a wall with no emotions, because when I got angry I shut them out. I chose to change, and I chose to open up and let them in, only to get hurt. Life lesson?? Maybe I shouldn’t put that wall down? Or maybe I just needed to let someone in only to find the true person I was supposed to find in life? Everything in life, whether good or bad happens for a reason, and we may not understand why, but one day you will turn around and realize that it had to happen to get where you are. We meet people in our lives who introduce us to other people were supposed to meet and sometimes the people who introduced us aren’t even in our lives anymore. Ever wonder why that is? We had to meet that one person so that we can meet the next person who is supposed to enter into our lives. I believe in that everything happens for a reason, even if sometimes I don’t understand the reasons.

    If you love someone you shouldn’t think so much about the future and the things you want in life before you move on to that next step, because sometimes you wait so long for that perfect moment, and that perfect moment passes you by. When you look over that perfect moment might be gone forever. Live in the NOW, if you love someone tell them you love them. If you have something inside you just want to tell that person, tell them. If you have a friend you wish you could just talk to again, but it’s been a while, pick up the phone. If you want to spend the rest of your life with that person, then do it. Don’t wait for a better tomorrow because tomorrow is NEVER PROMISED!

    Life is too short to always think about the what if’s, so for right now, this moment in life, I’m LIVING IN THE NOW!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • My dad is a bit of a drinker?

    The Question:

    My dad has always been a bit heavy with the alcohol and me and my family have noticed he gets angry when he drinks. He gets real abusive by telling me I’m fat or I’m not good enough in some way and yells saying how I’m not good enough. Afterwords he says he only does it because he loves me and wants the best for me. Today he came home drinking again and he practically sits on me on the lounge I did swear at him so he hits me over the head. Then I do retaliate by swearing at him more and he goes for a face slap but instead hits my nose, it was hard and it hurt. What to do?

    Additional Details

    I’m a 16 yr old girl and he wont go to therapy….

    My Response:

    Dear abused;

    This is a hard position to be in because you are only 16, and you shouldn’t be the one having to take care of this. Where is your mother in all this? If your mom is around, you need to talk to your mom and tell her how this is affecting you. No person, not even a parent has the right to verbally abuse or physically abuse someone. There are options though. First if your mom is around she needs to sit with your dad and tell him with you there, how you all feel about his drinking (you need to tell him this when he is sober). Some places offer interventions to try and have him commit himself into a facility for Alcoholics. If you do not have a mom around then you can try talking to him again and explaining to him how much this is hurting you, and that he needs to get help. Do you have other family members that can help you, somewhere you can go when he’s drinking? A child under the age can always get legally emancipated from their parents. (You can get more information about this here www.larcc.org

    If you can go live with another family member until your dad realizes what he is doing to you, perhaps this is your best choice at the moment. Your dad needs help, and right now you may be only getting a little slap and emotional abuse here and there, but things can escalate, and you need to find a way to let your dad know how you feel. Remember just because he does not want to quit does not mean he does not love you, alcoholic abuse is very dangerous and some people do not know how to get sober on their own.

    I hope this helps a little.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Has my husband given up on our marriage?

    The Question:

    My husband packed his things and moved back in with his parents last weekend. He said things between us are not working out and he needs space and time to think things over. We have been both feeling taken for granted and I have been having trust issues since he started talking to his female friend again. The only time we have talked is when I called him (2 times) this week (thurs and sun). I know I should not have called, and that I am fully accountable for my actions, I just called in a moment of weakness. Sunday night, he told me if we went to a counselor and he/she could convince him this marriage is salvageable then he will try, otherwise he is done. He said “if they can change my mind, then I will give it another try”. He just seems like he has given up. Also when we talk he is very short with me and doesn’t say much. I feel so hopeless. He told me he would call weds with his new work schedule so I would know what day he can go to counseling, but now I am not sure if I want to go. He doesn’t seem like he will be very receptive so whats the point? I feel like I am dragging him there kicking and screaming. Should I just drop it and ignore him completely for a couple of weeks, or what? Please help!! I am still very in love with him, and want this to work. He says he still loves me, when I ask but not that he misses me. I feel so awful.

    Additional Details:
    I have apologized several times. He just tells me he knows I will revert to my old self, and that our relationship is too damaged. He said I had his love and threw it away. I know that I did. I have been working with a counselor on my issues and done a work shop already, but I can’t go it alone.

    My Response:

    Dear in a rut;

    It seems to me that your problems only progressed as time went on. It is hard to love someone and have the other person give up on you. With that said, you can still try marriage counseling but know that you cannot change a person minds, and person will only change the way he feels if he/she actually feels it and if he/she wants to change. Ignoring him is not going to make the problem go away, and if you really want to make it work, the only thing you can do is be honest about the way you feel, tell him about how you have been going to counseling to resolve your other issues and that if he still loves you and has any reason to try again, then counseling is a start. If he refuses and still says that he will go “if they can change is mind” then you really just have to sit down together and make a decision on what to do with your marriage. No one can change a persons mind about loving someone and wanting to be with that person, that is not how love works. You have to want to want that person, you have to want to make it work. If the love is not there, you can not force it on someone. Try talking to your husband, but this time face to face (not on the phone), I know it is hard, especially because you want to make it work, but you might have to come to terms with the fact that perhaps, it is over, and the best thing to do is just move forward with your lives.

    Good luck,
    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • This is it… This is Life…

    Random Thoughts:

    Sometimes in life, life brings you unexpected news, or events in life that you never thought would happen. I sometimes wonder why things happen and I try to see that each event is only a lesson to be learned, but when that lesson involves someone dieing, what is the lesson in that? Perhaps it is not a lesson but a journey we have to go through to live and learn from. I rather not live through these times, I rather not know what it is to lose someone and I rather just forget what it felt like to love them. Wouldn’t it be so much easier if the pain we felt just disappeared with any memories of that person or pet or loved one? “Missing someone or something is sadness”. (kristin nicole)

    Each time you lose someone you almost lose a piece of yourself. If I were to count all the pieces I’ve lost, what’s left? Each time a sad moment pops up into your mind try to distract yourself, try to think of something positive something that makes you happy. As a human we tend to have more negative thoughts than positive ones, because it is easier for us to see ourselves fail than to see ourselves actually succeed. Why is that? Why do we think so negatively and why do we lose faith in life?

    Once upon a time, I lost faith, I lost hope, I lost love and I lost myself. Growing up I can not say I didn’t feel love, I can not say that I didn’t have love, family, or friends, but I can say that at one point in my life when things got hard I lost myself, and when I lost myself I lost faith and hope. I almost forgot what it was to be happy, to feel true love. When life gives you hardship, there is always a way out, there is always hope and there is always something out there better for you, you just have to believe. I believed that this was it, that what I felt was all there was, then for that one second I stood in my room and I closed my eyes, tears fell, and I realized that this can’t be it. If this was it, then why am I here, there has to be more than just ‘THIS’? There is always more, I have talked to people who have gone through worse things than I have, and I have read stories about people who have struggled all their lives, and that’s when you have to sit back for a moment and realize that maybe, just maybe the life you are living isn’t that bad.

    I have lost, I have gained, I have laughed and I have cried, but with all that, I have lived.

    Each part of me that you know is a part of me that loves, a part of me that wants only better, the part of me that has changed has been from life, and each of us has changed and grown from our experiences. You may not look at it the same way I do, but I promise you that there will always be at least one moment in your life that you will always remember, that one moment in life that you stop and say “THIS IS IT”….

    xo
    kristin nicole

  • I am blaming myself for the divorce!?!

    Blaming yourself is NEVER the answer!

    The Question:

    Despite the fact I was being emotionally & financially abused in my marriage. My ex neither loved me nor his child. I sometime end up blaming myself for what has happened. Because sometimes I raised my voice against his abuse and his mother’s insults. I sometimes wonder if I had kept my mouth shut and would have just put up with his & his mother’s verbal abuse towards me and my new born baby I would have still been married to him. Why do I feel that he got fed up with me because I replied back to him at times & complained to him against the verbal / emotional & financial abuse I was being subjected to ?

    How do I get rid of these feelings ? Did I deserve this ?

    Additional Details
    How can you respect someone who is abusing you on regular basis ? And someone who does not want to realize and fulfill your rights as a wife but wants you to fulfill all his rights as a husband ?

    My Response:

    Dear Emotionally Abused Wife;

    Why are you going back and forth with this, why are you asking questions you probably already know the answers to? Honestly if your husband left you, this is probably the best thing that could have happened to you. You talk about his emotional abuse and his mother’s verbal abuse towards you, yet you stuck it out why?? No one should have to endure any kind of abuse, and your baby was being subjected to this kind of abuse. This is not an environment to grow around in. If his mother was verbally abusive to you and he never stood up for you, what does that say about the kind of man he was? He turned around and continued the abuse because it is what he was taught, however; that does not make it better and it does not make it right for him to have treated you the way he did. You raising your voice, fighting for yourself when no one else would is NOT wrong, stop thinking that you are the one that did something wrong and just face the fact that your husband was a jerk! STOP Blaming yourself! Trust me, there are plenty of other guys out there that will treat you a whole lot better than your husband and his mother did. I can not tell you how to get rid of your feelings, this is something that will heal with time, however I can tell you that the first step is to get rid of your guilt. Feeling that you were the one that did something wrong, when it is clear it wasn’t you. No one deserves this kind of abuse, and do not ever think that you did something “wrong” to deserve the way they treated you. You do not Respect someone who is abusing you on a regular basis, because they are obviously not respecting you or loving you. You have to learn to respect yourself first, and then realize when someone is actually respecting you or not, and when that person respects you, that is when you respect that person back. A person who only wants to take, take, take like your husband did is not worthy of your love or anyone’s love for that matter. A relationship is not based on TAKE only, it is a hard working job of GIVE & TAKE! Do not ever settle for less because you feel you are not worthy of it, or that you feel that maybe you were the one doing something wrong when deep down you know they were emotionally abusing you in more ways than one, and it was not your fault by any means that they treated you this way. It is better for your baby and you to live in a home of peace, where your child is not subjected to this kind of abuse, and he/she doesn’t grow up thinking it is okay to treat other people this way.

    I hope that you gain the strength to move on, and move forward with your life. Change your ways and start respecting yourself. No one should ever receive emotional abuse and think it’s their own fault. We live in a world where sometimes we aren’t taught right from wrong, what your husband and mother in law where doing, was just plain WRONG!

    You can always try joining a spouse abuse support group in your area, talking about the abuse with other women who have gone through what you have gone through sometimes helps open your eyes.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • When you were gone

    Constant Thoughts – my thoughts are never ending

    Random Thoughts:

    Have you ever lost someone, a family member, a pet, a friend?

    I have lost family and I have lost pets. The worst part about losing someone is feeling that sadness inside when you know nothing you can say or do can change this life event. Nothing you can do can change the way you feel and nothing you can say can change the pain.

    Life is hard, and no matter what we do or say we can’t change fate.

    Here is a poem written to the people/pets I’ve lost….a little bit of what I felt for each one….

    When you were gone

    When you left I stood in disbelief
    When you left I just couldn’t breath
    When you left you took a piece of me

    When you were here I didn’t say I love you
    When you were here I didn’t show you how I felt
    When you were here I didn’t pay attention

    When you were gone I said I loved you
    When you were gone it was too late to show you
    When you were gone I didn’t want to say goodbye

    You are gone and I will always miss you
    You are gone and I will always love you
    You are gone and I will always mourn you

    I’ve lost you and I don’t know how
    I’ve lost you…

    xo
    kristin nicole

    In loving memories of Bua, Grandpa, Grandma, Uncle David, Tessy and Oz. I will always love you and I always miss you.

    P.S. I love you

    ©Written By: Kristin Nicole – July 7, 2010

  • I’m the other woman, should I tell his wife?

    The Question:

    I just found out after 2 years of him lying to me, that I’m the “other woman”. They just got married a couple months ago and have kids. All along he’s told me that he wasn’t with anyone else. Should I tell his wife before it their marriage goes any further? Or should I do nothing and just walk away?

    My Response:

    Dear Other Women;

    This is a hard position to be in because you were cheated on as well and didn’t know you were the other woman. It is truly your decision! A part of me says she has a right to know that her husband is a cheating b@#$@#$! However, you have to take into consideration that she has children, and do you want to be the one to tell her that her husband is an A#$HOLE??? Best thing to do in this situation to not cause more drama for yourself is to just walk away. I know it’s hard and you are hurt and you want to let her know that her husband is a cheater, but really think about it before you actually go running up and telling her this. She may want proof, and she may get upset at you even though it is not your fault. Look at this as if you were her, would you want the other women to come tell you there was another women? Walk away, and never see this man again. Sorry this happened to you but it is better you found this out now than later.

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Wife’s lack/denial of intimacy?

    The Question:

    My wife and I have been married for 14 years. Most of those years have been happy, but the one ongoing issue in our marriage is her complete and utter disinterest in intimacy. Usually she would just decide to give in once a month or so and we would be intimate, but lately she doesn’t even do that. She acts as if it is a task to even give me a quick hug or kiss, which is a slap in the face to me. I have been secretly checking her to see if she is sending her affections elsewhere and haven’t seen anything. All of this is getting to the point where I am starting to get really depressed. We have two boys who I love dearly, and leaving just isn’t an option. I can’t do that to my boys. I don’t want to look elsewhere either because I really do not want to leave that kind of example for them. I literally am in a spot where I cannot win. Every time that I talk to her about this, it turns into a huge fight about how I just feel like she doesn’t have sex with me enough. She doesn’t want to listen when I try to explain that it isn’t just about sex, but intimacy. I am so angry, hurt, and depressed and just do not know what to do. She won’t do any counseling because she doesn’t think that she is wrong. Any input on this will be greatly appreciated.

    My Response:

    Dear Trying to make it work;

    You are in a hard spot, because you have already tried to communicate to your wife about the way you feel and she only wants to start arguing with you because she doesn’t want to hear you saying things about her that she may not want to face. I usually have an answer but it seems you are on the right track by being faithful to your family, however, you need love too and it is not fair for you to stay in a marriage that you are just not happy in. You need to sit with her again and tell her that this isn’t only about sex but about your affection towards each other, you feel she is distant and things need to change if she wants to save your marriage. Counseling is not a bad idea, but she definitely has to agree to it first. I am sorry you are in such a hot spot, but have faith, and patience and hopefully she will come around. If she doesn’t see the faults in her actions, you need to really think about your relationship and your position. I understand you love your kids but kids retain and see everything that is going around them, and is it healthy for them to see an unhealthy relationship growing in their own home? Or to separate and still be there for them but have them understand that sometimes things just don’t work out. If you stay and you are miserable that is an option but is it worth it? Is it worth sacrificing your happiness for your kids for them only to grow up and leave the house and have their own family one day, and having perhaps intimacy issues with their spouse because they don’t see anything wrong with not being affectionate? You have to see this in all angles, it isn’t just about mommy and daddy getting a divorce, and having two houses to go to, it’s so much more than that and children see and feel more than we can ever imagine. You really need to sit with your wife again and let her know that this is about more than just sex and your relationship is in danger… We all deserve to be honest with each other and ourselves. Good luck

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Yesterday I was arguing with my dad & I hit him…

    The Question:

    Okay so yesterday I was arguing with my dad and we got into it pretty bad and… I smacked him as hard as I could in the face, and he started crying! I started to laugh because I never seen my dad cry before not like that…..Just wondering if I took it too far? What should I do? This isn’t the first time this has happened. Where I smacked him, it’s been on several occasions but I can’t control my anger, and I just did this same thing last week! Should I feel bad? Because I really don’t! I am enjoying the rest of my night drinking, hanging out back in my house after the fight, and I feel good right now. I am 28 and he is 86! Let me know your opinion please.

    Additional Details
    I mean he deserved it, he was talking crap and making me mad so I busted him in the freaken mouth….A little blood busted his lip pretty good, but he’ll be alright. Just another day in paradise couldn’t ask for more.

    My Response:

    Dear Smacked;

    I think you need to get help on your anger issues and I think that what you are doing is not only cruel to your father but just plain out mean! You are taking advantage of your Dad, being 86 years old and the fact that he doesn’t turn around and smack you in the face right back just astonishes me. If I were your dad, I would have not only smacked your a@# back but I would have told you that if you cannot control your anger to get out of my house. You live in his house right? If you do not like his rules you are 28 years old, get out and live on your own. What you are doing to your dad is not only wrong but abusive. You need to control your anger now before it gets worse. This is not OKAY and this NOT Normal behavior. I don’t care if he called you 10 million names and put you down, that does not make it okay to smack your dad in the mouth and make him bleed. You are very lucky that your dad does not hit you back or kick you out of his home. Good luck with taking care of that anger, I really hope you do because you are going down the wrong path.

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answer.Yahoo.com

  • Female scared of Marriage…

    The Question:

    I am engaged to my boyfriend but very scared of marriage. I just keep thinking it will change us, we will become distant, and the love will die, or what if we go off each other. I have always felt like this, even in long term relationships, like i feel trapped even though I’m not. My bf is very certain he wants to be with me for the rest of his life. why do i feel this way? and do any other females feel the same, cos I’ve only really heard of men being scared of marriage but it;s the other way round here.

    My Response:

    Dear Fear;

    You are not the only female to feel this way, I know a few that are also scared of the commitment and getting married; however most women that I’ve talked to, that feel this way are usually due to a past experience, either a former relationship or growing up with divorced parents or perhaps parents getting a divorce after 20+ years. Which ever it is, this is something you truly have to be positive about. If you are just scared that things will change, sometimes we just have to face our fears and have faith that things will work out. Marriage is not easy, and of course you are going to fight and things will change, but mostly for the good. You are growing and your family is growing and if you two really love each other there is no reason to not move forward. You have to look deep inside yourself and ask yourself why it is you think you feel trapped, and do not block out the answers that come to mind, those are usually the honest answers but we tend to block them out and be in denial about what is really bothering us. If you love him, you need to stop your fear, think positive and move forward, if there is something else there, you need to really look at it before getting married. Good luck.

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com