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Category: Everyday Life

  • I just don’t know what to do anymore?

    The Question:

    About two weeks ago my husband told me that he doesn’t love me anymore, that the reason why was because I wasn’t keeping up on the house and it started eating at the love. I tried with the house but 5 kids and being pregnant it was hard, but after a few days he wanted to work this out. So we got back together. A week ago I had to deliver my baby girl at 16 weeks as a still born, so now I am going through the pain of losing my daughter. After losing her I felt like things just weren’t going to work out with my husband and I, and he kept telling me things will be okay, that he does love me and we will get through this. Well last night a week the day the doctors told me my baby was gone, he said that he can’t do this, he can’t make his self love me, that by now there should of been some feelings coming back. I told him it just doesn’t take a few weeks, but he said they won’t come back, that he just keeps lying to me and that its killing him. I’ve told him lets go talk to someone but he said no. Everyone keeps saying that their might be another woman but I looked into it and this is not the case. I just wish there was something I could do to make him love me again. I shouldn’t be going though this right now, and I know he’s hurting over the baby too but we should be helping each other out. I’ve told him that I’m his back bone and that he’s mine. I really just don’t know what to do. I love him so much. That its going to hurt not being with him…

    My Response:

    Dear Five;

    Finding out someone doesn’t love you anymore after building a life together, having children, losing one, is the second hardest thing you are going to have to go through (the first — Losing a child).

    You can not make someone love you, and having more time doesn’t make someone love you either. It’s hard and it hurts but do you really want to be with someone that doesn’t love you back, someone that doesn’t love you the way you love them? I agree that this is the time you needed to get closer to each other because of your baby, however, him having these feelings of not loving you anymore happened before this. I think he should have told you sooner before having so many children and you getting pregnant again, but men are cowards and perhaps he didn’t know how to tell you how he felt. He might have thought time would change his feelings too, but in time you only realize that if the feelings aren’t there, they aren’t coming back. Sometimes we do not understand life, and sometimes we have to go through the hardest times of our lives alone. I am sure you have family and friends, start leaning on them, because your journey has just begun. You have to be strong for your other children, respect yourself enough to let your husband go. You deserve someone that will love you the same way you love them (unconditionally), someone who won’t have to wait to love you, or think about loving, just someone who just LOVES you.
    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Should I leave my Girlfriend?

    The Question:

    Should I leave my girlfriend, I love her more than anything in this s**t hole called earth,but I am a lost cause…I wish her the best and with me she cant have it. The one thing i am good at is bringing suffering to others around me. I know she could do better than me, she is a very good person, too good for a bastard like me. I don’t know what I will do without her but it is not about me, it is about her having a better life,so should I leave her?

    My Response:

    Dear Better;

    Lets start off with why you believe earth is a big s**t hole, why do you feel that you bring only suffering to others and why do you feel that you aren’t good enough for your girlfriend? Sounds to me like you need to talk to someone, you sound depressed and this isn’t healthy. Life comes with it’s up and downs, and I don’t know what happened to you for you to think this way, but if you have a girlfriend, I’m thinking somewhere down the line you did something right. Something that made this girl like you enough to date you. I do not think you should break up with your girlfriend because you are having pity for yourself. Get up and do something about it, talk to someone, start feeling better about yourself and life. Life can be a s**t hole, I won’t lie, but Life can also be wonderful, happy, astonishing. Look around you, look at your girlfriend that you love so much, do you want a better life for her? Then make one for her, with you in it. It is possible, no one person is jinxed to bring suffering to everyone around them. Think positive and have faith in yourself, confidence that you are the right one for your girlfriend. If you still feel like wallowing up in your own sorrow, then break up with your girlfriend and go figure out what it is you need to do to make yourself feel better, but stop feeling sorry for yourself and get out there. Find what it is you want and life and make it happen. I hope you find the help you need, the happiness we all deserve and the love that is right in front of you.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Married 22 yrs & nothing to show for it

    The Question:

    I’ve been married 22 years and I feel like I don’t have anything to show for. I mean I didn’t go to college, I chose to get married and have kids, but now that I’m 42 yrs old, I feel like I have nothing to show for it. Am I having a mid life crisis? We don’t really do anything as a couple. I need more for some reason. Please help!

    Additional Details
    I don’t know what to say to my husband anymore without him thinking I want to be with another man cause I don’t want another man. I want a life!!!

    My Response:

    Dear Need More;

    I do not think you are having a mid-life crisis, I just think that now that your kids are all grown up and you are at home that you are bored. Do you work? You are still young, go back to school if you want. You can go to an actual campus or you can try on-line classes, I know so many people your age that go back to school and get their degrees, it’s never too late. You chose to get married young and have your kids and that isn’t a bad thing, you may just be feeling a bit bored/lost since your kids are all grown up and you said you don’t really do things with your husband as a couple. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. If you have tried telling him, make plans and show him what you want. Tell him exactly what you told us here “I don’t want another man. I want a life!!!” Life is too short for you to sell yourself short now, figure out what it is you really want and go for it.
    Good luck!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My sister went & got Power of Attorney behind my back…

    The Question:

    My sister went and got Power of Attorney behind my back, I am the next of kin, is there anything I can do? Mom now lives in care home/ nursing home and my sister is stopping me from taking mom out. She said she has power of attorney, dose that give her the rights to stop me?

    My Response:

    Dear Next of Kin;

    Are you and your sister not talking, not communicating about the way you feel? You need to talk to her and see why she has taken out a power of attorney on your mother, and why she feels she needs to control this situation. (I am not sure where you live and the laws everywhere are different) I am not sure exactly if she has 100% of the “power” so to speak here with this power of attorney, but if you were the next of kin, was this stated somewhere in legal forms/ a living will? If it wasn’t, you might not have a say in this, but if you were then you can definitely fight back with a lawyer. Either way, I would get a lawyer involved and see what you can do to stop her from having control. Of course take into consideration that if you do or did have a good relationship with your sister getting a lawyer to fight back may cause more issues. Of course your sister went behind your back and got a power of attorney so she really is no one to talk. Find yourself a lawyer if you can and take back control of the situation. If you don’t want to get a lawyer involved try talking to your sister, find out why she felt the need to go behind your back, instead of just talking to you and figuring things out together. If your mom is really sick this isn’t the time to push away the family you have left. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question off Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Lied to my my boyfriend when I was younger about being pregnant and its eating away at me…

    The Question:

    Two years ago when I was 16 my (current) boyfriend messed around and starting going out with this girl, I only found this out through one of his friends as he refused to talk to me apart from the occasional ‘**** off’ etc. Obviously I was upset by this and a few days later he left her and said we could get back together, I was angry/upset at him still and I guess I wanted him to feel bad for what he’d done so I told him I’d slept with someone else after he’d left me (I hadn’t – I was a virgin), not thinking about the consequences, being that young. I shamefully pretended I’d gone to the doctors and they’d told me I was pregnant and I said I’d had one of those pills that flushes out all of the fetus etc. Immediately after I lied I completely regretted it, I’d just wanted to upset him for upsetting me and it got out of hand. 2 years later, we’re still together but I feel so guilty for lying to him I don’t know what to do. If I told him the truth I’m sure he’d break up with me and I wouldn’t blame him at all, but I don’t want to lose him. I know what I’ve done is wrong so please don’t lecture me. Any advice?

    My Response:

    Dear lies;

    Two years is a long time to keep such a horrible lie to yourself. I understand you were young, but how young were you that you didn’t realize that the lie you were telling would cost you in the long run? This is something to never lie about and I’m sure you know that now, so I’m not going to go on about that, however, like I said two years is a long time. I know you are scared that your boyfriend might break up with you if he knows you lied to him, but if he was willing to forgive you for the lie, I’m sure he’ll feel better knowing that what you had told him wasn’t even true. Sure he might be upset with you that you lied and that it hurt him, but he wasn’t angel in all of this either. I’m not saying that made what you told him right, but honestly you should have never even taken him back after he cheated on you. Trust is a very valuable thing in a relationship, and without it there really isn’t a relationship to begin with. You have to have respect for yourself and know that you are better than that, that you are worth much more than second best. When a man cheats on you, you are only putting yourself down by going back with them, believing that you can’t get any better or just settling because you think this is love. What you did wasn’t any better, lying about being pregnant by another man and getting it terminated is a huge lie. You lied and now you have to live with it.

    You know that saying, “You made your bed, now lie in it”. That’s exactly what you are going to have to do. If you don’t confess the truth to your boyfriend you can try to live with this lie forever, but eventually it will eat at you because the guilt is what is killing you inside. Be honest for the first time with each other, and explain to him what you explained to us. You were young and hurt and even though that is not an excuse you lied about this to hurt him. You are sorry but you can’t take it back and you just want him to understand what you did was wrong and that you want to be honest with him and hope that you can move past this together. Good luck

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • I just broke up with my bf, did I do the right thing?

    The Question:

    I have been in a relationship for 5 months with a 25yr old guy who works and lives about 1.5hours away from me. So it is similar to that of a long distance relationship, however on weekends he comes down here and stays at his parents which is 20 mins away.

    Most of the time I try to go up once a week to visit him, I am a 20yr student without a job so I have a lot of spare time and can easily do that. Recently however I have been more busy then usual and I started to feel a little left out of my boyfriends life. He is a very social person, and most weekends when he comes down he has a lot of plans with friends. Sometimes he goes to things that I am not invited to, but in the same token I also attend friends birthday that he isn’t invited to either. However, I have felt increasingly left out and unappreciated. I feel as though I am convenient for him and that he doesn’t make me a priority.

    I tried to be patient and have my own life, but sometimes I felt as though I would have to twist his arm to make plans with me. I’d usually spend 2 of the 3 nights he is here, with him. It started to really hurt me about a month ago, when I started to see other peoples relationship and the sacrifices they would make for their partners. I felt as though my partner didn’t compromise his social life to include me.

    I spent most of this weekend with my friends and going out socializing. My boyfriend got quiet upset about this, cause he usually prefers me being at home with no plans then going out. I spent that time away from him to think and gain some perspective. I told him we needed to talk yesterday and he started to get concerned. I went over today and broke up with him because I felt we didn’t spend enough time together.

    The thing is that I wanted to try make it work, but we had the same conversation before and I knew that I had to be strong and make a decision. However, it still hurts and I still want to be with me. I just know that it is not good enough anymore and it’s hurting me.

    When I told him he was very devastated and just wanted to let me think about it. He said that he knew that spending time with me was always going to be difficult because he lives in another city, and he can’t see me as much as he would like to. At the same time I feel as though he should have tried harder. So, I had already decided in my mind that I needed to make a clean break and he recognized that he couldn’t convince me otherwise. Then he asked me if I had cheated on him on the weekend (which I said no, because I didn’t and couldn’t do that to him). Then he just said I was the best girlfriend he ever had and how much he would miss me and how it as the worst thing that could happen. He just hugged me while I cried, then I had to go before it got too difficult. He tried to kiss me and said he call me tomorrow, but I told him not to contact me again.

    He still wants to talk about it, but I really don’t think he can change. I feel as though I want to be with him still, but I know that it would hurt me. I think I did the right thing, although I still have such strong feelings for him. I am not sure what to feel or think, I just feel shocked and broken. And I know I will question whether this was the right thing to do. What to you guys think?

    My Response:

    Dear long distance;

    First off you both should be doing things together when he goes down to visit, what is this that you aren’t invited, or he wasn’t invited BS?!? You are a couple and couples do things together, you don’t need to be invited to know you should automatically be invited because you are the other persons boyfriend or girlfriend. Any type of long distance is going to be hard and take a lot of work. An hour and a half isn’t that bad if you truly want to make things work, life does get busy and no one said it would be easy but it’s possible. If he’s going out with only his friends when he comes to visit and expects you to stay home, that isn’t right. Why should you have to stay home if he isn’t inviting you to hang out with him on the weekends. You are still young but you need someone that is going to want to be with you all the time, especially in this situation that he doesn’t see you very often. If you were the best girlfriend he’s ever had (as he puts it) then why wasn’t he spending the time with you instead of going around hanging out with his friends and not even inviting you?

    I think you did the right thing. If you aren’t happy and you have had this conversation with him before and nothing has changed then it’s more than likely it will never change. You deserve someone better. I know it hurts now, and you wish you could be with him, but if he really cared for you or loved you, this wouldn’t have even been an issue. He wants to still talk about it, because men/women want what they can’t have. He didn’t think you would actually break up with him, so now he doesn’t know what to do. Move on, and find yourself a real man! You can do much better.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on a/ href=”http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100503061411AAqYorN”>Answers.Yahoo.com

  • OMG something terrible happened, what should I do about my life?

    The Question: The Story:

    OK so me and my friend Debbie were shopping at the local mall of shopping yesterday to look for a snazzy new turquoise and pink and a smidgen of heliotrope frock. We looked everywhere such as Starbucks, Crab-tree and Evelyn and Burger Kind but this didn’t come to any avail and we could not find the dress that we needed. This made us burst in to floods of violent tears as it meant we could not go to the dishwasher themed party my neighbors mothers sisters daughters neighbor was throwing. We were so excited we were touching each others vagina’s all weekend. Of course you can imagine how destroyed we felt inside, we decided to alleviate this horrible and mentally scarring turn of events by visiting our favorite novelty can opener shop. As you can imagine it was sexually exhilarating. Although something mega embarrassing happened! I saw the new “try for yourself” can opener and it called out to me. I went over to try it and it was so much fun that I accidentally had an uncontrollable orgasm and got thrown into prison. I got let out the next day but on my release I tripped over an egg and bacon quiche (w/ketchup) and passed out for 387 hours. I woke up in my house with my cat tablecloth crawling over me and asking me for some whiska’s cat food as for the past month it had been on an unsatisfying diet of Purina. My question is, what do I do about my demanding cat?

    My Response:

    Dear Cat;

    Loved the question! Give your cat some damn Whiska’s Cat food. On a real note: Funny story, you should think about writing a book. 😉

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this on Yahoo.com

  • Why do Americans have a bridal shower & bachelorette party?

    The Question:

    In the UK we just have a hen party (although some people are starting to have two to include older family members) and I didn’t think gifts other than wedding gifts were expected, WHY do Americans have a bridal shower and a bachelorette party?

    My Response:

    Dear UK;

    We do a Bridal Shower to shower the couple with gifts. The Bridal Shower is when you receive the gifts for your wedding, who ever doesn’t go or doesn’t bring a gift can take you a gift the day of your wedding. Some people have bridal showers with just the girls and some people choose to do it with future bride and groom. The bachelorette Party is like the last hurray, the bride to be has a girls night out with of course just the girls to celebrate her last day of being single, and the guys usually have a bachelor party as well. Your hen party I am assuming is a little like the bachelorette party, where you get together with the girls for some fun before you get married. Hope this helps.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • I am not sure if I should get married & the wedding is Saturday

    The Question:

    I’m supposed to be getting married next Saturday, and I’m freaking out, I’m getting cold feet, and I don’t think its the right thing to do. I have known my fiance for 10+years, we have been dating for 3+years and we have a child together who will be turning 2 in June. I love my fiance, but I’m not in love with him anymore, make sense? I don’t feel the same way I used to, we hardly ever are romantic towards each other. …. we fight a lot, he calls me a ***** and a bunch of bad names, I just don’t know. I mean I’m a 25 yr old woman… but why cant i decide? I’m so confused…. someone please any advice?

    My Response:

    Dear Cold Feet or Not Cold Feet;

    It could be that you are having cold feet, or it could just be that you aren’t in love with this person any more and it does make sense. You can definitely love someone but not be ‘IN LOVE’ with them. Sometimes we just fall out of love. This is something you need to figure out though, if you really aren’t in love with him anymore and you aren’t happy, this is the time to call off the wedding, do it now before it’s too late. You are only 25, you are still young and have your whole life ahead of you, you have plenty of time to find Mr. Right. I guarantee Mr. Right won’t put you down and call you names, that is very disrespectful and you have to really take into consideration if this is the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. (Can you picture your life without him?? He’ll always be in your life because of your baby, but can you picture your life not being with him romantically?) I know you have known him and dated him for a while now, and the fact you have a child together bonds you for life, but that doesn’t mean you have to live an unhappy life and marry the guy. If you can’t decide and you already said you aren’t in love with him, I take that as a pretty BIG SIGN, That getting married just isn’t for you, at least not with this guy. Be honest with yourself and stop the wedding before you do something you later regret. If it is cold feet, you would know you really love him but that you were just scared, so I don’t think this is the case. Look at your life, is this the way you want to spend it forever? You deserve to be happy and be treated with respect, if you aren’t feeling those things, then something must be wrong. Take a good look at your relationship and decide because after Saturday getting married is a lot easier than having to get divorced.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Why does my sister think she’s better than our family?


    The Question:

    I’m gonna try to give you some insight without bashing… To start my sister is about 4 yrs older, married.. A couple of years ago she and I decided to room mate about 2 months later she basically told me I needed to move out in less than a week, I stayed maybe 2 days more than she wanted me to go, so her husband (we will call him x) and his friend proceeded to bang on my window telling my boyfriend and I to get the ‘f ‘ out and this was about 12 am. This was one of many of x’s drunken raids. Another night they also called the cops saying we are not welcome but they couldn’t tell us to leave that my sis would need to evict us. Thankfully we got our own place. Time goes by I forgot this incident and tried to form some kind of relationship with my sister due to the fact that I love her kids like they were my own.

    Which leads me to the next thing, my sister had her oldest (we will call him b) while she was just a teen herself ( all the kids share the same asshole of a dad, that would be x) but she is constantly putting her oldest down. I know for a fact that he hates living with her. She uses him as her personal slave making him fold all of the laundry ( there is a total of 6 people in the family and he is only 11 but this has been going on for years) And he begs to come over just to get away from x and my sister. B has ask me many times if he could move in with me and my mom. I know this may not sound that bad but it gets worse he has no relationship with x due to more important things like getting drunk and smoking pot. I can only scratch the surface when it comes to this subject.

    Now on to the next her new thing is that his family is more family than her own flesh she is consumed by his fathers money (he is native American, we are too but we don’t get money from our tribe) she turns her back on her real family. For example we went to visit our family that we hardly see in Vegas. The first night I was there she got wasted and started to tell me I needed to find some place else to stay that night. My mom and grandma and myself were only there for one night, my sis and her family were there for almost a week, with her in laws that she knew all of 2 weeks maybe. But that same night I was told that I’m not proud of who I was “a native American”. But whatever I know where my roots are and if she was sooo Indian she would know they are not money hungry and they are about family. In the mean time she didn’t bother to go see the family that was there in town visiting.

    Now she is blaming me for some pot that went missing from her house! Because my mom watched her house and we only had access to her house. Honestly I haven’t smoked pot since high school which was about 6 years ago. No one in MY family smokes pot except for my brother but he doesn’t even live in the same house as myself. To top it off she won’t let me see her kids unless my mom asks her to let them come over. I’m not welcome in her house… But that part could be a blessing in disguise. But I guess her dog was hurt, and a few other things are missing. Not trying to make my self look good but I love my nieces and nephews too much to jeopardize my relationship with them! I feel my sister has something against me for a long time. Could someone please give me some advice? At this point I really can’t stand my sister, she is self fish and disgusting as a person.

    My Response:

    Dear stuck in the middle;

    It’s hard because you can’t stand your sister but she’s still your sister and what you really care about is being in your nephew and nieces lives. Your sister is obviously not in a happy or healthy relationship, she can be jealous that you are happy and in a healthy relationship and her way of getting back at you is constantly putting you down or not letting you stay with her, this can also not be just her decision, perhaps the husband (x) is telling her what to do. Now I don’t think it’s right and it sounds to me like she needs to grow up, stop smoking weed, take care of her children and move on from that a**hole, BUT it’s unlikely she’ll do just that if she’s still with the guy. If you really want a relationship with your nephews and nieces you need to talk to her, try to talk to her when her husband isn’t around, and just explain to her that you don’t want to argue anymore and that you love her, (even if half of it is BS) JUST DO IT, so you can get on her good side to see your nephew and nieces. How old are they? I know you said the oldest one (b) likes to go to your house, the good thing is he’s old enough to ask to go to your house, which is good, but I am assuming the others are still too little to do just that. Just hang in there, try to go to your mom’s as much as possible when she has them and just remind them how much you love them (I think you said you live with your mom, so have your mom ask for them more often). There isn’t much you can do if your sister refuses for you to see them, so be the better person and suck it up, just so you can see them. This doesn’t mean you have to play nice with her all the time and pretend to like her, you just need to be civil when you see her and nice enough to just see your nephew and nieces. As for her liking his family more than her own, she will see what family is when one day, when she may be left with nothing and you guys are the only ones there to pick up the pieces, hopefully this won’t be the case but unfortunately some people aren’t strong enough to make their own paths. If she is kicking you out of her home more than once, don’t go there anymore, see your family only when it’s either at your house or your moms. Being proud of your heritage is very important no one should be ashamed of who they are or where they came from, so don’t worry about what your sister is feeling and just know what you feel inside your heart is right. This is a hard position to be in, so try to contain yourself from telling your sister off, I know it might be hard but just keep thinking of the precious faces of your nephew and nieces. As to your title question, I don’t think that your sister thinks she’s better than anyone in your family I just think your sister isn’t in a good relationship, and she is choosing his family over her own, which is not only selfish and stupid but moronic. Sounds to me like she has a pretty good sister and if she can’t see that, it’s her loss! Good luck!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com