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  • I cheated on my bf with my ex when he was in the hospital…

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole:

    I found your answer on a question on Yahoo, and discovered your website.
    I am really lost and don’t know what to do.

    I’m/was with my boyfriend for 4 years and he was the sweetest thing that ever happened to me. He’s really special, caring and loving and deep and I always thought that I don’t deserve him. Two weeks ago he went to the hospital to get operated and I cheated on him with my ex. I don’t know what got into me, I can’t even remember how it happened, it just did. I know that it’s disgusting, to make matters worse my boyfriend hated my ex and still do. My ex is the reason I got drug and alcohol addiction, he used to beat me and kick me out of the house.
    My boyfriend risked going to jail because he defended me and got into a fight with my ex. He always asked me to not speak with my ex anymore but I always got angry and yelled at him for not trusting me. Even though I know it wasn’t a trust issue but because my ex is evil, I just refused to erase him from my life.
    So the night in question, my ex came drunk to the house (my boyfriend’s house) and asked me to let him in. I refused at first but he convinced me. We got drunk and it happened. When I woke up I kicked him out and have been feeling like a piece of shit since. Few days later my boyfriend got out of the hospital, I refused to have sex with him (just the idea of having sex with him when I cheated on him when I cheated on him with the worst person nauseated me). So for days I was faking being ill and my boyfriend was very very worried about me, he didn’t suspect anything and thought I was sick. He stayed at home taking care of me (while he was the one that needed it), didn’t let me do anything, bought me all this organic stuff that is supposed to make me feel better. I seriously thought of killing myself, but didn’t have the courage.

    Yesteday, I came clean. I sent him a text message while he was out.
    I expected him to kick me out of the house (his house) or beat me up or anything but instead he couldn’t even walk and he started to cry saying no, no. It was horrible to see, he kept saying no, no and crying as if I was stabbing him.
    I didn’t know what to, I tried to hug him but didn’t have the courage.

    Now he’s at his sister. He texted me that he couldn’t believe I could do this to him, that he would never do such thing.

    My boyfriend has a history of betrayal. His father always cheated on his mother, then he went to live with an abusive uncle whe he lost his mother at the age of 13 and all these things are what made him special. He tried to kill himself when he was 16. He’s sweet and caring, everybody loves him. He’s very intelligent and mature, he raised himself and his sister by his own. He does benevolent work. Always sweet to living things. I remember that we had a big fight because I discovered a big mouse in our appartment and he didn’t want to kill it. I was afraid so he drove me to my parents at 2 am and then got back home and patiently caught the mouse. He always called me petite fĂ©e (little fairy) and always surprises me with romantic stuff. He’s really the most amazing and beautiful thing that ever happened to me. He was the only one that had faith in me, he paid my studies, and took care of me when I was pill addict. I have a history of being selfdestructive and seeking pain but this time I really fucked things up and I really want to repair it.
    I know he still loves me, but I know that I have to make things right. He’s all the help I need, and I really want to gain him back.

    My Response:

    Dear Regrets;

    I am not going to sugar coat what you did because I think you already know that what you did was wrong. You have recognized that you have had serious issues with being addicted to drugs and alcohol and you have recognized that you push those you love away. Example #1: Your boyfriend. What you did to him his unacceptable and I can’t tell you that what you did is okay because you were drunk. No person can convince another person to let them in their house, let a lone drink and get drunk with them and sleep with them. Why you did what you did, I don’t know and now you have to live with the consequences. Your consequences unfortunately might be loosing your boyfriend. The fact that you know all the details to your boyfriends dreadful past and the fact that he has lost people and lost trust in people is sad to see that you would do what you did, but I am not going to keep telling you that what you did was bad, because I can tell that you truly feel bad for what you did. Your boyfriend has every right to feel the way he does and move out of his house for a little, the fact that he has not kicked you out is another sign of what a good person he is. He may not want to speak to you and you may have lost your chance with a decent guy but you have to sit and talk to him and even if you don’t get back together you need to ask for forgiveness, tell him how bad you feel and see where it goes from there. There is a chance that he will forgive you, but you have a lot of issues you need to take care of. You first need to realize what a bad guy your ex is and finally letting him go and getting him out of your life is the first step into moving on. You need to first learn how to love and respect yourself and know that you do deserve love and respect and from there you can learn to to accept love and respect from others. You have to learn that being in an abusive relationship is not good and that you deserve better then that. Drugs and alcohol are not your friends and you have to trust in those who will be good to you and bring good into your life. If your boyfriend does forgive you, and he decides to stay with you, you have a lot of making up to do and you need to start with forgiving yourself and starting new. It is not going to be easy to gain your boyfriends trust in you but you have to first start with saying how sorry you are and asking for forgiveness. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • My boyfriend cheated on me with his ex & had a baby…

    The Question:

    My boyfriend cheated on me with his ex wife 18 months ago, should I give him another chance?

    He cheated on me with his ex wife 18 months ago and he got her pregnant and now they have another son. What should I do? Do I give him another chance? He just told me a few days ago.

    My Response:

    Dear Walked On,

    You deserve better then that, there is no reason for you to stay with a guy that not only cheated on you with his ex wife, but had a child with her and all this time he has been lying to you. Respect yourself and love yourself enough to tell him to get lost! You deserve a man who won’t lie or cheat on you. If he has been able to lie this much about not only cheating on you but having a child behind your back, what else has he been lying about? Do you really want to stay with a man that has cheating on you and had a child behind your back? Can you ever truly trust him again? Do you think he won’t cheat on you again? At the end of the day you have a hard decision to make, but this looks like a pretty easy decision to me….

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Could this be my husband cheating?


    The Question:

    I had just had my baby girl 3 weeks ago. the day home from the hospital my husbands ipone got a text message, I picked it up it said ” are you ok tonight” I asked him who it was he said he didn’t know and looked and did something with his phone, then put it down and walked away..then it went off again and it said ” No worries I will just call you tomorrow 🙂 “I asked him “what did you say or write back” he said he wrote nothing.. if that were the case why would they have written him back saying no worries they would call him tomorrow..he then said “Fine, I put a question mark.” My gut dropped I just knew it was a women.. lucky I remembered the number case he erased the phone and said it was by accident that it erased, I am guessing he didn’t reallt want me to see what he really had written back. I called the number from his phone, she answered and I asked why she was texting my husband, she got all snotty and said she was looking for Sara; that she had the wrong number.

    Its been bothering me for weeks now and I was trying so hard to believe him and move forward until yesterday, I was in the car and he went into the bank, a text came up on his phone saying: “As the days go by I thought it would be easy for me to keep my mind off you because I’ve been so busy, I was wrong.”

    I started to shake as I reconized the number from 3 weeks ago,
    when he got in the car he said NO WAY someone is playing a joke on me.. I would never cheat on my wife and kids never.. I was crying in tears a mess, I just wanted to go home; he dropped me off at home and got in his car and went somwhere, I had his phone with me..
    then comes back 25min later. 20min after that the texts come back with a diffrent tune saying things like hey sara I will see you tomorrow etc.. almost like he found a way to call her from a payphone and have her re-direct her messages to through me off. I don’t know what to do here, is this cheating? We just relocated here and he works accross the boarder this is where she is calling from so she is not from Canada. We relocated here for work and it’s been a nightmare I just want to leave. I haven’t eaten in days because of the stress.

    Please, I have no one to talk to about this no family or friends…I have 4 kids and dont know what to do please no rude comments I just couldn’t handle them right now…
    I am not an over weight women I am 120lbs 5″6 and have never said no to sex with my husband. I have never turned him away either.
    Please let me know your thoughts and thank you :”(

    p.s He tells me I am so wrong that he has no idea who this is, he has cried and told me he hates that I am feeling like this that he doesn’t want to lose his family and kids over somthing he is being accused of doing that isn’t true. He tells me he just wants me only me and has no time for anyone else.

    I am so upset I don’t know what to think here. I need advice..

    His phone is a work phone ipone 4 so I can’t see his bill and he erases most things off his phone most likely before he gets home. He has never given me a reason to not trust him for the past 10yrs but since he relocated here 5 months before we did and was living in a hotel, while I was 5hrs away with the kids trying to sell the house to move here so we would all be together. This is when all this happened, where he was working before I never ever in a million years questioned him, now I do and I hate it. I hate what this job and move has cost us there is no trust now, and before this I found out he had lunch with a girl that was a temp at his work and she was not working there anymore and he went to lunch with her 2 times, I found her number and freaked she told me he was promising her a job and he would hire her back on full time, they had lunch and talked about plastic surgery not work. He was even texting her and asking her to pick any day and he would make himself available for her even willing to meet her half way so she didn’t have to drive all that way ” for poor little old me” is what his email said, she said nothing happened, but why did he go out of his way to hide this from me? He’s 42 she’s 26 and I’m 31, I feel horrible and now I have this gut rot feeling in my stomach, I hate it. Was his intentions more then just lunch and work?

    My Response:

    Dear Stuck in Lies;

    You have two different situations under his belt…. I know he might deny it again but sit down with him and tell him how you feel, tell him to stop BSing you, that you have seen the texts and emails. He can’t deny it any longer, stick with your gut feeling, usually our gut feelings are pretty right, and I know it completely sucks but you deserve to know the truth. I hope for his sake that he is telling you the truth, but you already saw that he emailed another women and supposedly it was over a job, even if he wanted to try to get her job back, why the lunch? Now you have seen more then once a text from another women. This all sounds a little fishy to me, and I would want to know the truth myself. I normally wouldn’t say to hire a private investigator because I truly believe in trusting your spouse, but the fact that you have seen the texts more then once and also the email with another women I would say if you really don’t know if to trust what he says and you have no physical proof then you can always hire a private investigator to follow him, I don’t know your financial situation or how much a private investigator might cost, but it is definitely an option you may want to think about. Again I normally don’t go that route, I would first say to sit down with your husband and try to get the truth from him, once you talk to him then you will have to decide what your next step is, however you said that he has denied it and even cried to you that he would never cheat on you and the children, so I am not sure how much more you can keep talking to him about the same subject. It is NOT okay if he is cheating on you and I know that it is going to be hard road, especially since you have 4 children together, but you have to think about your children and yourself and how you want this relationships to be. Is it worth pretending he isn’t doing anything and living a lie, or finding the truth and making a decision you may not like? At the end of the day I think you won’t be happy until you know the truth and you know what to do from that moment on. It isn’t going to be an easy road but you are not alone, their are many women that have struggled through similar situations, I know that doesn’t make it any better but I hope you know that this is not okay and you need to be strong. Talk to your husband and then decide what you want to do from there.
    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Should I tell my fiance this before we get married?

    The Question:

    My policy for abuse is that if he tries to or does hit, push, etc then I’m absolutely done, no second chances, I’m getting the marriage annulled the next day. I have just been through too many shitty, abusive relationships and I don’t want him to be ‘just another asshole with a temper’ (as my mom says it, haha) He hasn’t ever hit me on purpose before. During our worst fight ever we were talking really loudly at each other and he came towards me really quickly with his arms open. I freaked out and blocked with my arms. He was just trying to give me a hug but I’m just SO cautious about that kind of stuff. Should I sit him down and like have a serious conversation about it or just say something when something on the news about spousal abuse comes on?

    My Response:

    Dear No Abuse;

    It doesn’t look to me as if your boyfriend is abusive, you said he has never hit you on purpose before though? Does that mean he has hit you before? Then you said the worst fight you had he was going in for a hug but you got defensive. You definitely have some things you need to get over, I know it’s hard not to take your past into new relationships, but if your fiance is a good guy, and has never hit you then you need to trust that he won’t. I would definitely open up to him about your past and how you feel on the situation/subject. It is important for him to know what you have gone through and why you are sometimes defensive. I am happy that you have gotten out of abusive relationships and have realized that those type of relationships are no good for you. You seem like a strong women, I would definitely talk to your fiance about what you have gone through in the past, explain to him that you just want to make sure your relationship is in a good place that nothing like that would ever happen. Don’t make him feel like he may do that one day, he might get defensive, especially if he has never shown any type of abuse towards you, if he has shown abuse, then you should definitely sit down and talk to him, and you might have a few things to think about before getting married. Never take abuse from anyone, the person you are with needs to love and respect you. There is nothing wrong with telling your fiance what you have gone through, and this may make your relationship stronger, it is always good to share with your partner the struggles you have had to overcome in life. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My BF sucks his thumb after sex…

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 months now. I am 22 and he is 25 years old. Whenever we have sex he rolls over and starts sucking his thumb; at first I thought he was just playing around, then it became consistent and I don’t know what to do. The sex is great so I tried to ignore it, but now it’s just weirding me out… Do I say something to him? I don’t think I can keep sleeping with him if he keeps sucking his thumb after sex, it’s a total turn off, what should I do?

    ~Stuck with a Thumb Sucker~

    My Response:

    Dear Stuck with a Thumb Sucker;

    If you really like this guy and more than just for the sex then I would ask him nicely why it is he sucks his thumb after sex. If he tries to ignore or dodge your question then perhaps there are some other issues there that you don’t want to deal with. Explain to him that you don’t really like it, but don’t tell him it weirds you out or that it’s a turn off just yet, try to ask him about it nicely and see what he says. Maybe he thinks you like it since at first you played it off thinking he was messing around, but at this point you have been together long enough for him to stop. If you are only really with him for the sex, then you have nothing to loose in asking him about his thumb sucking, and if things get even more weird then you have the option to move on or stay with someone who sucks their thumb after sex. You are young and trust me, there are plenty of men out there that don’t suck their thumb after sex.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • My husbands is upset over another woman

    The Question:

    My husband liked a girl before our wedding. She also liked him back but they could not pursue a relationship. He didn’t tell her that he was engaged at that time and now that he is married.

    She recently told him she is getting engaged and he was upset afterwards and started to ignore her when she tried to talk to him afterwards purposely. He then had tears in his eyes why? He stares at her sometimes when she is around, what does this mean?

    My Response:

    Dear Wife;

    You need to sit down with your husband and talk to him. If he married you, I hope it was because you loved each other. As for this other woman I am assuming he had some sort of feelings for her. Maybe they had a relationship before that you don’t know about, because I do not see why he would get teary eyed for a woman that he never dated. If they never dated and never were together then why is he so upset? I would definitely sit down and communicate with your husband to see what is going on. Communication is key to any relationship and you aren’t going to get answers just sitting back and assuming what is actually bothering him.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Believe, Hope, Faith…

    Random Thoughts:

    Isn’t it strange that sometimes life seems like it is finally coming together, but then out of no where small things start popping up. Is this the Universes way of telling you to stay on track, to stay on your toes because nothing is perfect? Is this the Universes way of telling you things won’t always go your way?

    Just once I wish life would be easy, just once I wish life would go my way. How many of you feel that way? I know that others are struggling way more than I am, hurting more, fighting more for what they want, and as I sit here writing this I know that my life is pretty good right now, so what’s a few bumps in the road to get to where you want to be? Right???

    Sometimes I wish I could close my eyes for just a few minutes and drift away to where nothing hurts, nothing is stressful or saddened by thoughts but everything is rainbows and unicorns… okay maybe not unicorns but you get my idea…. In life we can’t just close our eyes and hope for things to get better, we can’t just then open them and everything will be alright. I learned that lesson a long time ago, when my world was crashing down and I didn’t understand why some people had to leave our lives and why others had to stay. I learned that lesson when I had no choice but to open my eyes and see that sometimes what you think you want isn’t what you really wanted after all. Sometimes we close our eyes so tight we forget to open them and realize the good we have, we forget to realize that although we struggle we have to hold on to the hope. Hope is what keeps us going, hope and faith that one day we will get to where we want to go….

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    What are your thoughts today?

  • Do I leave my current Boyfriend for my Ex?

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I got to know about you from your blog. I also saw how you have been helping everyone with all the questions. I am going through a huge confusion in my life. I come from an indian family where girls and guys get married by 23-24. I am 23. I have been dating this guy for 7 months now and I do really like him. the problem is his parents don’t even know that he has a friend let alone a girlfriend. I knew him for 4 years before we started dating, until now we used to live very close. ( same floor ) but now he has gone back to his parents ( 5 hours flight ) since we both finished at the University. He doesn’t even talk to me when his parents are around. He hardly texts 1-2 times a day and only if I message him first. From what I have known, his dad is really strict, he can never go against his dad, and he claims that he loves me but I am not at the age ( according to my culture ) where I can just fool around and not be serious. My family already knows about him, and I can even talk to him for hours.

    Now I just got in touch with my ex. he is a family friend and just through family functions I see him now and then. The reason we broke up was something very silly, he just told me he still loves me and cares about me which I know is true because he has shown all that ever since we broke up ( 2 years ago ). He has tried really hard to get me back. I love his parents ( I know them for a really long time ) his sister is amazing and even he is a really decent guy. My parents love him too.

    Lately I have been feeling a bit tilted towards my ex. I am NOT cheating on my bf. I just dont understand why my bf can’t tell his parents about me. If he doesn’t want to introduce me as a gf , why cant he introduce me as a friend either? Am I overreacting? I have been feeling that my bf takes me for granted, he uses me to cook food for him, to be there for his work ( we were in the same program, I helped him with a lot of things ), to ‘agree’ in everything he has to say ( he is very stubborn), he would never listen to what I have to say and will always end up making everyone agree with him even though he knows he is wrong. One more thing I have noticed about my bf is he always TELLS me things but never DOES anything.

    Should I just patch things up with my ex just because I feel safer with him and insecure with my bf ?

    Please help me…

    My Response:

    Dear Insecure;

    You first should handle your relationship with your boyfriend, you need to figure out if this is the type of relationship you want to be in. I understand that in your families their are rules on relationships, however the fact that you were able to be honest with your family and he cannot be honest with his is something you need to look at. I am sure it was just as hard for you to come clean to your parents about your relationship as it would for him. If he truly loved you and wanted to be with you he would MAN up and talk to his family about you. If his family still disapproved at least you can then decide what to do from there. If he has tried to make you look wrong in front of others is that something that you want to deal with all the time?

    Do you want to be in a relationship where he is hiding you from his family? Where you can’t even talk or text because he is scared what his parents will say? If you are in a relationship then it should be open to the family no matter what the circumstances should be. Love should never be hidden from the truth.

    As for your ex-boyfriend, I do not think you should get back with him just because he comforts you and is there for you. If you feel that you may still be in love with your ex-boyfriend then it is something you should take into consideration, but if you feel you are just being comforted and safe with him, this is not a reason to be with someone. Those are good reasons, however it shouldn’t be the only reason. You first should figure out what you want to do with your current boyfriend and if you feel it is time to let go and move on from him then you can figure out the next step and see if what you really want is to be with your ex. You do not need to choose only between the two either, their are many men out there that I am sure would love to date you. I know in your culture you usually get married by 24 but you are still very young, and I am sure your family will support whatever decision you decide.

    Remember to always follow your heart, and do what makes you happy, not what others say you should do. Respect yourself and know that your current boyfriend right now is not respecting you and treating you the way you should be treated. Talk to him and tell him how you feel and then decide where to go from there.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    Thank you for visiting my website and I hope that I could help. Good luck and I look forward to your comments in the future.

  • I had sex with my wife’s father…

    The Question:

    I had sex with my wife’s father. What should I do?

    Okay so my wife and I were visiting her parents for Easter. We all had a lot to drink and by about 2 AM my wife and her mother had passed out on the couch. I talked to my father-in-law for another half an hour before suddenly he reached over and kissed me on the cheek. I returned it except this time I kissed him on the lips, and before I knew it we were downstairs in the guest bedroom having sex.

    It was one of the strangest and yet most amazing experiences of my life. It was without question the best sex I ever had, but obviously it could prove to be problematic. My wife knew I was bisexual before we got married, but I think to her this would be crossing the line. I haven’t heard from her father since and my wife clearly knows absolutely nothing (we’ve since had sex twice).

    I feel somewhat guilty, but I know if the opportunity presented itself again I would do it again. What the hell should I do? Should I tell my wife and ask her if I can carry on with her father in a purely sexual way—-not in a relationship? I love my wife and don’t want to lose her. I’m so confused. Please help. By the way we’ve been married 4 years and have no children.

    My Response:

    Dear Bisexual;

    First – OMG – Is this for real?
    Second – Of course your wife would be upset, not only are you betraying her trust by cheating on her, but with her father no less. This is not only wrong on all levels on your part but on her fathers part as well. If you decide to come clean do not expect her to be okay with you having a sexual relationship with her father and don’t expect her to want to stay with you at the same time. What person in their right minds would think this is okay? I think a person who is bisexual is still trying to find what they really want in the world, and I think that you are still confused. You need to decide what you want to do but under no circumstances should you do this again, not only are you hurting your wife but your mother in law who probably is in denial that her husband is gay. Own up to what you have done, do not let your wife live a lie with you and end up having children only to hurt them in the end. You have only been married for 4 years and although this will be hard on your wife it is a good thing that you do not have children yet, it will be a lot easier to get out of the marriage. If you truly loved your wife you wouldn’t have cheated on her, especially with her own father. Talk to your wife about how you have been feeling and if you decide to tell her the truth, good luck, because this is one case where you are going to need it.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Am I overreacting?

    The Question:

    What do you think? Or am I overreacting?
    So there is guy in my girlfriends class that obviously has a thing for her cause he always stare or like glances at her. One day i pick her up from class and he didn’t know who i was and was walking toward her and when he saw me he immediately walked the opposite direction ( on to the issue ). So this guy got partnered up with my girlfriend, and we both have a feeling he has a thing for her and me and her have discussed and agreed on it. So they obviously have to meet and do they’re project, and tells be that shes going to invite him into her dorm to do homework, when there’s a study area right below her and next to her dorms. So i get angry about it cause she for one knows he likes her and all, and wonder why of all the places invite him to your DORM!. But yeah i get annoyed cause sometimes shes makes a big deal about him looking and even looked up his myspace to “see if hes a douche or that type of person who would try and hit on someones girlfriend “. I thought this was odd, and the fact that she thought to invite him to her dorm to study irked me a lot. Wouldn’t you feel the same way?

    My Response:

    Dear Overreacting;

    You need to talk to your girlfriend and tell her how you feel, if she respects how you feel there is no reason why she can’t meet up with this guy at the study center. I agree with you here, there is no reason to meet up to study in her dorm room when there is a study center in the same building. I think your girlfriend is playing with fire, and although she may act like she doesn’t like the fact that this guy likes her, then why even bother looking up his myspace, facebook or any account for that matter. On that note; you have to trust your girlfriend and even though this guy might have the hots for your girlfriend you have to trust that nothing will happen. I don’t like putting temptation in places they don’t need to be, so ask your girlfriend to meet him in the study center and not in her dorm room if this will make you feel better. Communication is key, and if she is mature she will understand and have no problem with meeting him in the study center instead.
    Good Luck

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on April 28, 2011