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  • Advice Column: How do I leave the past in the past?

    Advice Column: How do I leave the past in the past? Image found on google.com/images

    Advice Column: How do I leave the past in the past?

    How do I relax and and enjoy the ride? I  want to be happy but I don’t know how to relax and enjoy the guy I’m with. I have so many doubts because I had my heart broken a lot. I am happy and nervous all at the same time. He is a great guy and we spend a lot of time together but I am so afraid of getting my heart broken or the relationship not working out because of my past. What do I do? It’s so hard, please help.

    (Edited)

    My Response:

    Dear Past;

    It’s hard to put the past behind you but every time you get that feeling you have to just remind yourself that this guy isn’t the guy who broke your heart. You have to trust him and you have to believe that he won’t hurt you like the other guys did. I know it’s hard and it’s much easier said than done, but if you want this relationship to work and grow you have to let go of the past and start new with this guy. When you start thinking negative thoughts, notice it, and stop yourself. Change your thought of direction and start thinking of all the good this relationship has brought to you so far. No relationship is ever guaranteed but we have to hope that the next one won’t hurt us. Keep the faith!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com (2011)

  • Advice Column: Cheated on several times

    Advice Column: Cheated on several times. Image found on google.com/images

    Advice Column: Cheated on several times

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I found out my boyfriend cheated on me while we were in a long distance relationship. He finally moved to my home town but I found out that while he was gone he slept with other women. He recently had to go back home to take care of some family business and while he was gone I hooked up with a friend of mine. I love my boyfriend but a part of me can’t get over the fact that he cheated on me. I know two wrongs don’t make a right but I felt hurt and betrayed and sleeping with my friend almost made me feel better. I don’t know if I should come clean or tell my boyfriend. I don’t know if I can ever trust my boyfriend again and I am still so angry with him. The friend I slept with has been trying to get with me and he tells me all the time how my boyfriend is a loser and how I deserve better. I am a little confused now. Should I stay with my boyfriend or leave him and try to see if my friendship with this guy can be more than just friends?

    Sincerely,
    Confused~

    My Response:

    Dear Confused;

    Let’s start off with the fact that your boyfriend cheated on you while you were in a long distance relationship. As soon as you found this out, you should have hit the highway. Do you want to be with a man who has cheated on you with not one but several other women? Second, you are right, two wrongs don’t make a right, and although I can see why you sought comfort in someone who is always telling you that you deserve better, you don’t want your friend to be a rebound guy. If you feel you can’t trust your boyfriend then end things. Send him packing back to where he came from. Take time for you and try to stay friends with your guy friend and go from there. If it’s meant to be, things will work out, if not you will hopefully still have a friend after all this. Don’t ever think you need to stay with someone who has cheated on you. You deserve better. Go find yourself a real man!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    (2011)

  • Advice Column: Why is he so bad at sex?

    Advice Column: Why is he so bad at sex? Image found on google.com/images

    Advice Column: Why is he so bad at sex?

    He is so bad at sex! He lays in bed and says give me a BJ! I said okay, how would you like it, and he is very non descriptive. [sic]. He said with your tongue; you know go up and down. I tried but he seemed real frigid and unsatisfied to be honest. During sex he cums within minutes and asks if I want it again. He doesn’t give me kisses and he doesn’t ask me if I am enjoying it. I find that I am demanding with him with what I need and he often just denies what I demand of him.

    He pumps it into me like a rabbit man on steroids. [sic]. This is sad and true. How do I freaken [sic] communicate to him?

    (Edited)

    My Response:

    Dear Unsatisfied;

    This is a Simple question. Tell him how you feel! Communication is not that hard, tell him you want more attention, you want him to be more detailed in how he likes things and if he doesn’t like it a certain way, to also let you know. It is important to be open with your partner and if he can’t do that with you then maybe it’s time to go your separate ways. Don’t worry about always asking him how he likes it. Do your thing and be confident! If he can’t satisfy you then maybe you need to find yourself a man that can. Find someone that can open up to you, rather than just sit there and tell you to blow him. We all deserve better then that. It is important to be attentive to your partner and get some in return.

    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com (2011)

  • Advice Column: My husband’s cheated

    Advice Column: My husband’s cheated. Image found on google.com/images

    Advice Column: My husband’s cheated…

    The Question:

    I’m getting confused about my husband…

    My husband has started being secretive about things, hiding passwords and such. I recently was able to see his Facebook page and my thoughts were true, [sic] he’s on there chatting with other women and giving his number out. When I confronted him with this, he took me off his friends page so I couldn’t even see what he is doing. He cheated once before so the trust isn’t strong between us. Also a young girl that really isn’t my friend told me she has been friends with him and that he is willing to be more than friends. He is asking for her number and has yet to come out and say he is married. I’m getting to the point where I don’t want him around and I have to be almost drunk to have sex with him because its hard to want someone who clearly doesn’t want you. I’m going into a state of depression and I know it wont be good for my kids to see me like this. I have asked him to leave many time but he claims he wont because there is nothing wrong with flirting. What do I do?

    (Edited)

    My Response:

    Dear Open Your Eyes;

    Let’s start with the fact that the trust is already gone because he has already cheated on you once. That should have been the first sign to get out! If your husband took you off his friends list on his Facebook, I would definitely think something is going on. You already saw his Facebook and got proof that he is talking to other women and giving his number out (although there is no proof that he has physically cheated on you, this is still a form of emotional cheating), you also said that another woman told you that he would be more than friends with her and you were never even mentioned as his wife. What more do you want?

    Do you need to actually catch him cheating on you again, to finally realize that this guy is a looser and that he really does not love you? I’m sorry and I don’t mean to be harsh, but you need to wake up and realize that you can do so much better then this guy. You said it yourself “I have to be almost drunk to have sex with him because it’s hard to want someone who clearly doesn’t want you.” You already know what you need to do and although you said he won’t leave even after you asked him, you need to tell him that this ISN’T HIS CHOICE to make.

    He needs to get out of your house, or you will leave somewhere else with the kids. I don’t know if you have family or friends that you can talk to, but if you do you need to see if you can stay with them. Tell him you want his stuff out of the house by a certain date and you will not return until it is done. You have kids with this man, and it is not good to be depressed and for them to see what their father is doing to you. He needs to grow up and commit. He obviously was not ready for that the first time he cheated on you. And like I said earlier that should have been a clear sign to get out! I know it’s easier said than done but you need to get him out of your home and you need to pull your life back together with your kids. Stay strong and remember that no man should ever treat a woman the way your husband has treated you. There is no excuse to cheat or take you off his Facebook or lie to your face about talking to other women. If he’s lying to your face about something you saw with your own eyes this should make you wonder, what else he is lying about. Stay strong and move on with your life. You deserve a real man to love you and be with you. Good luck!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Advice Column: Abusive boyfriend

    Advice Column: Abusive Boyfriend Image found on google.com/images

    Advice Column: Abusive boyfriend

    The Question:

    I just broke up with an emotionally abusive man. After two years of trying,  now I regret it, why?

    (Edited)

    My Response:

    Being in an abusive relationship sometimes turns into a cycle. You did the right thing by getting out. Some women don’t ever get out and they live a life of abuse and sometimes even end up dead. Do you want to live that kind of life? Always being scared, never feeling truly loved? Don’t ever regret leaving someone who only hurt you emotionally and physically. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING, by leaving him. Trust me. You should try talking to someone, letting out your concerns and the trauma that you went through. You might not think that what you went through is much, but it is, and this can keep you from having healthy relationships in the future. You need to love yourself and respect yourself first so that the next man that comes along will love and respect you just as much as you love and respect yourself. No man should ever hit a women and know that you NEVER deserve to get hit, no matter what you say or do. Remember no man is worth you hurting over. Love yourself, respect yourself and always know that leaving a man who abused you isn’t something you should ever regret.

    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com (2010)

  • Advice Column: Should I take him back?

    Advice Column: Should I leave him? Image found on flickr.com
    Advice Column: Should I take him back? Image found on flickr.com

    Advice Column: Should I take him back?

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I’ve been in a relationship on and off for almost four years, practically the whole time I’ve been living in NY.  I have been very unhappy in the relationship and ended up hurting him as a result. But we said we would try to make it through and we lived together for 7 months earlier this year. I said I wouldn’t live with him unless he was serious about marriage. He said it was his intention. A few months in, he changed his mind. I started getting desperate for him to act like a committed boyfriend, and he felt annoyed by that. So he broke it off. I immediately flew back home to live with my parents because I’ve been freelancing (unemployed). Now he wants me back. Says he is sorry about being a jerk and forgives me for how I’ve hurt him. Says we can make it work. Says he loves me and can’t imagine being without me. Guess my question for you is your thoughts on whether I should accept his love or just move on?

    ~Love or Move on

    My Response:
    Dear Love or Move on;
    Men always want what they can’t have. And sometimes we realize what we lost once it’s gone. If you have been unhappy for a long time and you keep trying to make it work and it hasn’t worked, I would say move on! Sometimes we try to make something work that just isn’t there. It’s natural for us to want to make our relationships work, but if it’s forced it’s not natural. I can’t tell you to accept his love or move on, because ultimately you have to make that choice. But it looks like deep down you already know the answer. You haven’t been happy with him for a long time, you got back with him to try and make things work (maybe some part of that was feeling the guilt of hurting him). If you were truly in love with him, you would have not done whatever it is you did, you would have tried to make it work in the moment. We all make mistakes and sometimes we can forgive and move on, but it’s hard. Has he always been against marriage? Most men are honest in the beginning of a relationship and although they can change their mind about marriage, if they are honest about it, we need to accept it. If he’s already told you that your relationship is going in that direction, then pulled away and changed his mind, what makes you think he won’t do that again? He is missing you right now, and that’s natural for any relationship when you break up. But you have to really think about your relationship. Think about him, is this the man you truly can see spending your entire life with? After 4 years off and on, is this it? Ask yourself these questions, be honest with yourself. It’s scary sometimes to be truly honest with ourselves but we have to be. Because at the end of the day you don’t want to keep trying and wasting your time on something that at the end of the day isn’t going to work. Plus you deserve someone who isn’t so confused about your relationship, and someone you are truly happy with!
    xo,
    Kristin Nicole

  • Advice Column: My wife pays for everything

    Advice Column: My wife pays for everything…. Image found on google.com/images

    Advice Column: My wife pays for everything…

    The Question:

    I need help with my wife. Please tell me what to do! My wife pays for everything  but I still think she is selfish…

    My wife says I’m selfish. She makes 90% of our income. With her income alone she paid off the house, 2 of my credit cards and saved for college for our 4 year old. The company she works for gave her a car, but now she wants to buy a new car because she say’s she can only use the work car for work related things. She wants a Lexus and she wants to put down a 70% down payment because my wife doesn’t like to owe money to the banks. I told her that’s selfish, she can get the whole thing financed for the full amount. I told her she shouldn’t put any cash down! She told me you are not smart when it comes to money so please let me handle it. I’m in the Air Force, she got me a high paying job with her company, but I said no and just renewed my contract with the Air Force because my job now is easier than her job. The company she works for has a lot of over time and it is stressful, while my job in the Air Force is not stressful at all and I never got deployed. [sic]. I told her with that amount of cash you are putting down for your car how about you pay for my credit cards, she said you had these credit cards before we got married and I already paid off 2 credit cards for you. She keeps telling me, “you do not want to better yourself, you are lazy and you are not a real man and you count on me to do everything.” She also put a down payment to help me buy a car for my daughter from my first marriage who will be 16 in 2 months who lives with her mom. I just think my wife is being selfish. Well the house and everything is in her name because my credit sucks and my ex wife messed up my credit. Please help! My wife does not listen to what I say. She is 25 I’m 36.

    (Edited)

    My Response:

    Dear Selfish;

    Okay let me get this straight, your wife pays for pretty much everything, she makes more money, she paid off 2 of your credit cards, a house, and a down payment for your daughters car (which she truly has no reason to do)??? Am I getting all this straight? I’m going to be blunt here. You have a job, and I am assuming if you have been in the Air-Force for a while now and you just renewed your contract, that you should be making pretty decent money yourself, so why exactly should she pay off more of your debt? That is not her responsibility, regardless if you are married and have a child together, it wasn’t even her responsibility to pay off the other 2 credit cards of yours to begin with. If she wants to put a down payment on a car it is her money and her choice to make. I understand you are married and being in a marriage you should both consult in each other and make decisions together, however; if you are not contributing and not even putting the down payment for your own daughters car then I would say you have no say in this. Even if the car is new, you never want to finance 100% of a car, that is a waste of money with how high the interest rates are right now. Your wife is only 25, I would trust her judgment if she has been able to buy her own home and pay it off already. I think you need to STOP depending on your wife to get you out of debt and fix your money issues, start paying off your own debt, start depending on yourself and helping out, again you work for the Air-Force, I know a lot of people in the military and I know after being in the military for a long time, you should be financially stable. You don’t pay for insurance and you have a lot of benefits, so get off your ass and start doing something. The only one being selfish right now in this relationship seems to be YOU. If you love your wife, sit down with her and try to work things out, be smart about it and show her that you aren’t lazy and that you can help out with some of the bills as well. Good luck!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com (2011)

  • Advice Column: Sleep with my professor?

    Advice Column: Sleep with my professor? Image found on google.com/images

    Advice Column: Sleep  with my professor?

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I am a junior in college and my professor is really young. he is 33 years old and I am 22 and every time I see him I get all tingly down stairs. After class we have met a few times to go over some school work. We flirt a little but nothing as ever happened. I don’ know if to make the first move or see if he finally make a move. This semester finishes in August and I didn’t know if to wait until the semester finishes or just to go for it now. The excitement of dating my professor and having sex with him on his desk gets me excited just thinking about it. Should I just make the first move or wait?
    ~Professor Crush

    My Response:

    Dear Professor Crush;

    Although it might be exciting to sleep with your professor, I am sure that there are rules about dating your professor. With that said there is nothing wrong with some harmless flirting and letting him know you like him. You want to make sure he really is flirting with you and not just being nice. Sometimes we can take niceness the wrong way. August is around the corner so you might as well wait and see what happens afterwards. You might just like him for the thrill of actually sleeping with your professor. If this is the case, then move on and start enjoying your last few years in college. Go out and find some guys your age and a guy who isn’t off limits. Good luck

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    (2011)

  • Advice Column: Son-In-Law pleasing…

    The Question: Son-In-Law pleasing…

    I saw my son in law pleasing himself, he didn’t see me but I did stare and wonder how can my daughter be unhappy with this guy when it is so big. I looked at him for a while because he was so large. My daughter should be grateful she has a big man. Why isn’t she happy?

    My Response:

    Let me start off with EWE! You actually stared for a while, while he was pleasing himself? That is just wrong on all levels considering this is your daughters husband. Lets start off with that is wrong, and you should maybe knock before entering somewhere, or simply tell your son in law that he needs to be careful when and where he does his deeds. As for you daughter, being grateful that her man is so big and why isn’t she happy??? REALLY??? Perhaps it has nothing to do with the size of his package and more to do with how he treats your daughter. Maybe you should be more concerned about why she isn’t happy than assuming it’s because her husband has a nice package. The package only makes a women happy in one department, after that it takes more than just the package to keep you happy (as a woman I would think that you would understand this). It also just isn’t about the size of the package, the package could be large but if the man doesn’t know how to use it right, then what’s the use?!?

    I am not sure if you live with your daughter but maybe her husband and her need some privacy. Try being there for your daughter instead of wondering why she isn’t happy just because her man is well endowed.

    Good luck

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com (2010)

  • Advice Column: Cheating boyfriend

    The Question: Cheating boyfriend

    He cheated on me after we’ve been going out for 5 months and we were best friends for years before that. He was my everything! We were together every day and we did everything together. I’m so lost and I miss him so much it hurts. He hurt me so bad and I know we need time apart (he hasn’t even exactly tried getting me back yet) but I can see it coming in the future. We said our goodbyes but I don’t want to live without him and my mind set right now is saying that I’ll see what he has to say whenever that may be.[sic]. No matter what happens I can’t forget that he put me through HELL, I cried for 48 hours straight and I hate him for what he did, but he was my first real boyfriend. I lost my virginity to him and he was the first guy I have ever loved. I still love him so much and its like the saying “what do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the one who made you start?” [sic].

    Please help, what should I do?

    (Edited)

    My Response:

    Dear First Love;

    Its hard and it’s not going to be easy because he was your first real boyfriend and you lost your virginity to him which is something very intimate. I went through the same thing you did, my first love cheated on me and went back to his ex after we dated for over 6 months. It hurt like hell, and you feel like your whole world is falling apart, and you feel like there isn’t anything you can do to make the hurt stop. I know it feels like this now and I know in a way forgiving him to just have him back in your life may sound easy, but it’s not.

    He broke your trust, he betrayed your love in the worst way possible, and this is something that is unforgettable. You can forgive him, but it’s something you will never forget, and it will always be in the back of your head. If he hasn’t tried apologizing now or trying to get back with you by now, he just doesn’t care. I know it’s hard to hear, but guys like this aren’t worth your time. I understand he was your best friend before that, but even friends don’t betray a persons trust. If he didn’t feel the same way about you that you felt for him, he should have been honest, more of a man and not a boy who would just go cheat on you with someone else.

    You have to be strong! If he tries to talk to you one day, hear him out, forgive him so that you can move on, but do not under any circumstances GET BACK WITH HIM! You need to have respect for yourself, getting back with someone who would hurt you in that way isn’t going to make you feel happy. There are ‘plenty of fish in the sea’, so to speak, time will heal and you will find someone else, even if right now it seems hopeless. Trust me it’s not! As to your question of the saying ‘”what do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the one who made you start,” You move on! Because if the one person that you think can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry, they aren’t worth your time or energy, they don’t deserve your love.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com (2010)