Advice Column: I told him I wanted to have sex but… Photo found on flickr.com
The Question: I told him I wanted to have sex but I’m not sure that I’m ready.
What should I do? We started dating but we aren’t official yet. We sext [sic] and stuff but I told him I would have sex with him this weekend, but I kind of don’t want to because I want us to be something before we take that next step. What should I do? I’m scared he might get pissed off. I’m a virgin by the way and he isn’t; what do I do?
(EDITED)
My Response:
Dear Virgin;
You should definitely be honest with him, especially if you are a virgin. If he really likes you and respects you then he will understand. Sure has a guy he wants to have sex, and he may be a bit disappointed but that’s okay. What is more important is that you don’t just go running into someones bed when you aren’t 100% ready for it. Losing your virginity is important, don’t rush into things. Even if you make things official, wait a little, make sure you guys are ready for that next step. Does he know you are a virgin? If he doesn’t, you should be honest with him. You don’t want to start a relationship where you are hiding things. Remember to always respect yourself and never do anything you aren’t ready for.
Advice Column: I feel empty after having sex with an ex. Image found on flickr.com
The Question: I feel empty after having sex with an ex girlfriend. Why do I feel like this?
Ok so here’s the deal, I’m 19 and I just got out of this really intimate relationship with a girl about 2 months ago and I have been feeling like garbage ever since. Well about a week ago my very first girlfriend from 3 years ago (stupid high school relationship) came back into my life and we started chatting and hitting it off really well. Well one night as I was driving her home we shared a moment of weakness; I guess and had a goodnight kiss [sic]. A few days later we both agreed that it was inappropriate and we should just stay friends.
So a few days later we hang out at my house and watch a movie, and one thing leads to another, and we have sex. Now before we had sex, we agreed that it was going to just be a hook up with no feelings, and I’m fine with that. What guy wouldn’t right? But now its like 3 days later and I just don’t feel right for some reason, and I don’t know why. I’m not mad or sad but I’m not happy or content. I just feel blah. Anyone want to help explain why I feel this way? And why I can’t just brush it off and move on? We are still friends as far as I know, but should I talk to her about it or just let it go?
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Sex with an Ex;
Sounds to me like you have feelings for this girl, and you just haven’t admitted it to yourself. If you truly don’t have feelings then maybe you just feel bad because you like the friendship. There is obviously a physical attraction on both ends. Is there a reason you two don’t want to try dating again. People grow and change from high school, so just because it didn’t work back then doesn’t mean it won’t work now. If it’s really bothering you, I would just talk to her, if she’s your friend there is nothing wrong with expressing how you feel. You also just got out of a serious relationship, so this can be confusing to you. Everyone moves on at their own pace, just because it’s only been 2 months, it doesn’t mean you can’t have feelings for someone else. Especially someone you already know and dated in the past. Truly be honest with yourself and the situation. If you feel bad, then maybe it’s best you guys don’t let things get to that level again. Good luck.
Advice Column: How do I tell him I’m pregnant? Image found on flickr.com
The Question: How do I tell him I’m pregnant?
I just found out this morning that I’m pregnant. I really want this baby, but my boyfriend won’t want it. He’s already told me that he doesn’t want to have another baby, because he already has one with a previous relationship. He told me that I would have to get rid of it, if I ever got pregnant. even though he knows I don’t agree with abortions. Never have. I really want this baby, but I know he won’t want it, and he will tell me to get rid of it or try to get rid of it himself. He’s threatened to do this before. I don’t know what to do or how to even tell him.
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Prego;
It’s not his choice as to whether or not you want to keep the baby. If you knew he didn’t want a child then you both should have used protection. The deed is done, but first I would go to the doctor to confirm you are pregnant. Sometimes the test over the counter can have a false positive. Once you have confirmed with the doctor that you are pregnant then you will have to talk to him. It will be your decision to stay with him or leave him and raise this baby on your own. Although he has said he doesn’t want another baby, he may change his mind once he knows you are pregnant. If he doesn’t change his mind and he’s adamant about you getting an abortion, then you need to stick up for yourself and decide what you want to do for you and your child. What do you mean, that he’s told you he would get rid of the baby, if you don’t? That sounds like a threat, and you shouldn’t be with someone who is telling you that. That is a serious statement. If you have family and friends, go to them. Talk to them first and have them help you out with this situation. Bringing a child into the world is a big responsibility, you need to make sure you are making the right decision before making it.
Advice Column: Is my boyfriend Gay? Image found on flickr.com
Advice Column: Is my boyfriend gay?
I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 months now. I sometimes don’t know if he’s in the closet, because he gives off vibes that he may be gay. I really like him, but I don’t want to be his cover story, for being straight. He’s told me how strict his parents are, and how he’s felt that he has to hide who he really is in front of them. I’ve asked him, what he meant by this, but he’s always really vague. Recently my friends saw him out at the movies with another guy. When I asked him about it, he just told me it was an old friend and to drop it. I found a text one time that came from a guy friend that I know is gay, and he was asking if they were on for their date. I’m feeling so confused. If he’s gay, why would he ask me out? Do I ask him if he’s gay? I’m scared he will break up with me if he’s not gay and I upset him for asking such a stupid question. Please help.
My Response:
Dear Girlfriend;
Just because he was out with another guy at the movies doesn’t mean he is gay. Did your friend see him doing something other than just being at the movies with a guy friend? If she didn’t see him kissing the guy, then he could have just been at the movies with a friend.
With that said; it is a bit strange that he’s mentioned he can’t be himself around his parents, and if he was just going to the movies with a friend, why would he hide that from you? As for the text from a gay friend, some gay friends can just say “date” and it doesn’t mean anything. You have two options, continue dating him and wondering if he’s really gay or not. Or just straight out ask him about the text and go from there. I’m not going to lie; he may get mad. If I had a boyfriend who asked me if I was a lesbian and I’m not, I would probably be bothered. But you can’t continue in a relationship with someone you think is possibly lying about their sexuality.
Advice Column: My ex cheated on me. Image found on flickr.com
My Question:
My ex cheated on me, is there something wrong with me?
I had a happy relationship with a guy and he cheated on me. Is there something wrong with me? Is it my fault?
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Cheated On;
You can’t blame yourself for someone else’s actions. Some men don’t know what they have at home and unfortunately cheating is the ultimate betrayal. There is definitely nothing wrong with you. You may not see the reasons behind his actions and it may hurt a lot now, but I promise it will get better. Time heals all wounds. Move on, go out with your friends and start meeting new people. Go out on dates and find a guy that will appreciate you more than your ex did.
Advice Column: He’s making me unhappy. Image found on flickr.com
The Question:
He’s making me unhappy. I need relationship advice.
Alright so me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over a year. We broke up back in May but then got back together. Ever since we got back together, things have changed dramatically. I can’t trust him with a certain friend because they did drugs together behind my back. He says he won’t do it anymore and I can’t trust that. I’m always the first one to text him, he can never text me first. I cry all the time because he yells in my face when he gets frustrated with me. I tell him my feelings and its like he doesn’t listen. I’m not allowed to state my opinions about his friends but yet he comments on my friends all the time. He ditches me to go hang out with his friends, usually on the weekends. He makes me nervous and anxious when around him. He claims all he tries to do is make me happy, but yet he makes me miserable every chance he gets. He’ll stop answering my texts for a night, then give no explanation for it the next day. Advice please?
My Response:
Dear Unhappy;
It sounds to me like you already know deep down what you need to do. You broke up once for a reason, and you obviously don’t trust him enough to be happy with his decisions. Being with him is making you more miserable so why would you stay with him? I know it’s not easy to leave a relationship when you care about the person, but it’s not healthy to stay in a relationship that you are clearly unhappy in. If you feel that you need to talk to him, then talk. Let him know how you feel. If he doesn’t change then move on. You deserve better.
Advice Column: What does he want? Photo on flickr.com
The Question:
What does he want? I don’t understand him at all.
My boyfriend and I dated on and off for 3 years. We’ve been broken up for 7 months now, but even after our breakup he would occasionally talk to me, just to ask how I’m doing, which I think was nice of him. He invited me over for dinner 2 months ago which was the last time I saw him. Ever since that night I haven’t heard back from him. I texted him 2 weeks ago saying ” long time no talk how are you?” But he never replied back to me, so I thought there was no point in trying anymore. I was randomly checking my Facebook last week and apparently he messaged me saying “how are you? “Miss you” I was shocked! We made some small talk and the last thing I sent to him was a smiley face. He hasn’t replied back to me since monday and I don’t think he will since its only a smiley face, but then why bother messaging me in the first place right? I just don’t understand why he did that? Problem is I still do care/love him.
(Edited)
My Response:
Sometimes when breakups happen, it’s better to stop talking to each other all together. You had an on and off relationship for three years. That’s a long time and that’s not something that is easy to get over. I am not sure why you guys broke up to begin with but it must have been for a reason, if not you would still be together. Texting or messaging each other and hanging out can only make things more confusing. If you are confused then maybe you need to sit down with him and talk to him about what is going on between the two of you. If things are over, he shouldn’t be messaging you that he misses you, that can confuse a person as to what is going on. If things are completely over then let things go, stop messaging him and move on.
Advice Column: Is my best friend into me? image found on flickr.com
Question: Is my best friend into me?
How to know if my best friend is now into me?
Response:
Just ask, it’s as simple as that. I know it’s easier said than done, but only true answers come from asking questions. If you don’t want things to be awkward then leave things alone. I don’t know the details of your relationship or why you think your best friend might be into you but it could be nothing.
Advice Column: Half naked pictures of my boyfriends ex on his phone. Image found on flickr.com
The Question:
I found half naked pictures of my boyfriends ex on his phone. Please help.
My boyfriend and I have been together off and on for 10 years. We have been going through a lot of things lately like loosing our house, the death of our 15 year old dog, and family issues. We have been fighting quite a bit. The other day he got a new phone and wanted me to install a new sim card (holds your photos) in his phone. When I went in to the picture area I noticed a half naked photo of a girl he use to date. There were two of them from a couple of months ago. During that time I yelled at him because I found out he was snap chatting her (sending pictures back and forth in an app.) He told me that they were just saying hi and catching up. I decided to let that go. But now I find out that when they were talking a couple of months ago, that this is when she actually sent him those pictures. I called him and packed some of my things and just left our house. He said that he has never cheated on me and never will. He knows he was in the wrong but he deleted the pictures and he didn’t know they were in his phone anymore. I personally think that what he did is cheating, but he doesn’t think it is. He said he did not cheat and I just do not know what to do. What should I do?
(Edited)
My Response:
This is a hard situation to be in. Your boyfriend may have not physically cheated on you but this is definitely a form of cheating; it’s emotional cheating. You should sit down with him and talk to him, tell him how you feel and tell him he has one chance to be completely honest with you. In the end it will be your decision as to whether or not you trust him and want to stay with him. Regardless of what happened, this will still hurt and you have to either forgive him and move on, or move on completely.
Advice Column: My boyfriend is bisexual. Image found on flickr.com
The Question:
My boyfriend is bisexual.
For starters we have been together about 6 years, I was 13 and he was 14 and we are now 19 and 20. We were talking about getting an apartment and moving in together, we found one we both like and we signed the lease. About 3 weeks after moving in he told me he kissed his best friend which is a guy, he said he is bisexual and he has said that he’s been bisexual since we started dating, but I’m starting to wonder if he is gay more than bisexual.
On top of that he cheated on me so I feel hurt and it being his best friend I don’t feel I have the right to make them stop talking. But I think he shouldn’t talk to him considering he should be thinking about my feelings in this situation, not his own since he is the one who did the damage. It’s been about a month and his best friend showed up at the house 3 days ago, I answered the door and I was supposed to be at work but he looked at me and literally ran away… like RAN. Made me very worried he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing or maybe he just wanted to hang out with his best friend. I don’t know what to do to. Should I be with him or not. All my friends just tell me **** him move on but they don’t realize that I’ve been with this guy since I can ever remember. I’m really looking for someone with similar problems or just good advice. Should I stay or should I go? What about his friend and everything that has happend? I’m lost and completely destroyed over it, please help.
(Edited)
My Response:
In any relationship you are in, the other person should never cheat, that is one of the biggest betrayals a person can do to another. You have to first think about what he did and think about being with a man that lied to you. Second, he’s obviously confused by saying he’s bisexual. You have been with him so long that maybe he felt embarrassed and is still confused about his sexuality. He might not be bisexual and he may be gay but maybe he doesn’t know how to come out and talk to you about it.
I think you really need to sit down and talk to him, communication is key in any relationship. Unfortunately you were young when you were first together and you are still very young. I know it’s hard to think about your life without him, but do you want to be with a man who cheated on you, and is confused about his sexuality? If his best friend showed up at your house when you weren’t supposed to be there and then ran away, that should tell you something. That definitely feels a little fishy, and I would confront him about it. Is this the type of man you really want to spend the rest of your life with? These are the questions you need to ask yourself. You deserve better, and if he really loves you he will be honest with himself and with you. It’s not going to be easy, if this relationship ends it’s all you have ever known, but I promise that things in time will get easier. Everything in life happens for a reason, even if we don’t understand them in the moment.
