Advice Column: My friend is bisexual. Image found on flickr.com
The Question:
My friend is Bisexual, what should I say to her?
My friend told me and a load of other friends that she was bisexual over bbm (Basically a bc) [sic]. I’m going to see her at school tomorrow and she’s probably going to want to talk about it, but I have no idea how to respond.
I’ve only ever been in 2 relationships and I get pretty awkward when people talk about stuff like that, what could I say to her when she mentions it?
My Response:
Dear Friend;
If she’s a good friend of yours, don’t worry about it too much. She probably just wanted to be honest with her friends and a little support is probably all she’s looking for. It can’t be easy to come out to your friends, so just try to be there for her. To be honest with you, there really isn’t much to say, if you accept her the way she is, just let her know that you respect and support her no matter who she likes. She may be confused and just wants support from her friends, the best thing you can do is be there for her. Support her and listen to her, don’t stress about what to say or do. Just be there for her.
Advice Column: Cheated on my girlfriend. Image found on Flickr.com
Advice Column: Cheated on my girlfriend and now I need help.
My girlfriend and I haven’t even been together for a month and I did something stupid. I wasn’t drunk or anything, it just happened and now I need help. I don’t want to lose her.
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Cheater;
You have put yourself in a hard position. (No pun intended). You have choices in life; one you can tell her the truth. Be honest and hope that she forgives you. Know this is highly unlikely. If you really cared about your new girlfriend you wouldn’t have cheated on her. I don’t know how bad the circumstances are but cheating is cheating in any form you put it and it’s completely wrong. I’m guessing you already know this since you are asking for advice. There is no way to truly help you in this situation, you either tell her the truth and hope she forgives you, or you hide it from her in hopes she doesn’t find out. The problem with hiding the truth is that the truth always seems to find it’s way out. Good luck.
Advice Column: What do I do if I want to sleep with another man? Image found on Flickr.com
Advice Column: What do I do if I want to sleep with another man?Okay. This is kind of a long story, so please forgive me.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year. I love him very much, but I find myself thinking about another man. My boyfriend is a quadriplegic and I met him after his accident. Although this certainly has nothing to do with how I feel about him, it does make our sex life a bit complicated.
I feel terrible because I find myself being exhausted from always having to be on top when we do have sex and also feeling unfulfilled because we rarely have sex as it’s such a complicated process.
My boyfriend hasn’t told me he loves me yet and it definitely plays into my wandering eye problem. I feel like I continuously do the “man” like things in our relationship and I know it makes him feel as awful as it does me.
It’s so sad because had I known him before I KNOW our sex life would’ve been phenomenal. We have good sex now even though we can’t do everything a normal couple could.
I think the problem is I am just feeling the need to be manhandled and don’t know how to control these urges. Anyway, any advice would be great. No negative advice please. Thanks. 🙂My Response:Dear wondering eye; It’s normal to feel the way you feel when you are in an uncommon situation. First off, talk to your boyfriend. Tell him how you feel. I am not sure the extent of his condition, but is there a way you can have sex from the side position, just to switch things up? Try buying some toys to spice it up, this can help too. As far as being man-handled, this is a bit tough. If he’s not able to be rough with you at all then this is something you may have to deal with. Talk to him, see what he can do and can’t do. Just because he can’t throw you on the bed and be on top, doesn’t mean he can’t “man handle” you. If this is seriously causing problems in your relationship then you need to sit down and really think about what you want from this relationship. Don’t stay with him out of guilt, or because you feel bad for him. Look at the different options your life will lead if you stay or if you go. If you truly love him, communicate your feelings and find ways to make it work. Good luck. xo, kristin nicole I found this question on Yahoo.com
Advice Column: Is it ok if he hasn’t texted me in a day, no kiss after date? Image found on Flickr.com
The Question:
Is it ok if he hasn’t texted me in a day, no kiss after date?
I’ve been dating this guy that I met off a dating site. We’ve been getting to know each other and honestly it’s been going pretty well. No red flags miraculously, he picks me up (drive 30-40 minutes), pays for his share, and we have a lot to talk about. I wouldn’t be surprised or offended if he was dating other people though, his page is still active and so is mine. We hug before/after every date, but he hasn’t kissed me yet. I also haven’t gotten a text today but that’s fine I suppose considering we rarely text much anyway.
Am I beginning to look into things? I’m just worried I could be wasting my time but I don’t want to appear clingy.
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Clingy;
It’s normal to feel this way, especially since you have just been dating casually and you haven’t really talked about where this is going. If you really like this guy, I would just be open and honest with him. It’s not that you are being too clingy, but the norm of dating is a first kiss and an eventual call or text. He may just not be that into you, but I don’t know the entire situation. Have you gone on more than one date? Has he done this before on other dates, where he doesn’t text you right away? This is a big factor in seeing if he is acting any different. If he’s done this before then I wouldn’t think anything bad about it, and I would just text him and quick hello, how are you? If he normally texts you, then maybe something is going on with him. I would talk to him, there is no other way to get an answer than to just ask. On another note; if he hasn’t kissed you yet, then maybe he’s just not that into you, he has someone else or he’s just really shy. There is nothing wrong with giving off some hints if you want to kiss him. Again, open up and talk to him. Communication is always key.
Advice Column: I feel alone. Image found on Flickr.com
The Question:
Should I see a counselor, I feel alone.
I’m a 21 year old full time student and worker. I have a respectable job and I am planning to go to law school next year when I finish my undergraduate degree. I haven’t lived at home since I was 9, but instead have lived with a number of random people. I was pretty much in foster care, although I wasn’t officially in the system. When I was younger I dealt with not having parents or family a lot better. I think it was because I felt like I would some day, that someone would love me like their daughter or something. Now that I’m 21, it seems harder for me to deal with my feelings. Most people think I’m really happy, because I can be really energetic at times. I laugh and smile a lot, and honestly I do feel happy sometimes, but overall I’m sad. Every time I go to bed I am sad. I cry a lot by myself because I’ve always wanted a mom or dad to really love me. I’ve made connections with adults and have had mentors, but it seems I never can really be loved like most people love their kids. Nobody comes to my award stuff at school, who knows if I’ll have anyone at my graduation, and I probably wont have anyone to walk me down the isle at my wedding one day. I try so hard, I really do. I try to love people and get involved with other people’s life, but I always feel like an intruder/outsider. I get jealous of my friends who have awesome moms and dads. Not because they have them, but because I wish I did too. I even thought about moving out of state to get away. Advice?
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear feeling sad;
It’s normal to feel the way you do. You come from a situation that not many can crawl out of. You have to count your blessings in other ways. I can’t imagine how hard it is to not have a mother and father in your life, but you have to think of the positive that may have come from it. There are some people who have their parents, but they are abusive mentally and physically. Your situation could have been a lot worse. I know it’s not easy no matter which way you look at it, but something that always keeps me going is to remember ‘it can always be worse.’ Seems to me like you have most of your life put together, you are going into law school, you and you work, keep up the positivity in your life. I definitely don’t see anything wrong with talking to a counselor, sometimes talking to someone helps. Moving out of state is not going to make the sadness in you go away, you have to learn to accept your situation and make the best of it. Have you ever thought about finding family from your biological parents? This is something to think about, maybe they have been looking for you or they don’t know you exist. I don’t know your situation completely so it’s hard for me to give more of my advice. But always remember that you are stronger than what you think, and that it’s okay to feel a little jealous of your friends and their families sometimes. But remember where and what you have become and be proud of that.
Advice Column: How do I handle a relative and a bully? Image found on: Flickr.com
The Question:
How do I handle a relative and a bully?
My older sister is 27 and I am 24. I work three jobs to pay my bills and school. I recently saved up enough money for a car. It’s 10 years old and it’s not the perfect car but it’s mine. She didn’t congratulate me she just brushed the car off , and started off with “she’s going to rub it in my face that she bought a car before me.” I haven’t nor would I rub it in her face.
She told the village cops I’m driving without a license (I’m not) so I’ve been pulled over multiple times. She doesn’t have a job and I’ve vouched for her on multiple occasions for jobs and she’s screwed me over. I work for a grocery store in the morning, and a convenient store at night, and an ambulance service on my days off. She constantly makes comments like; “must be nice to go out and party” on the rare occasions I do go out. My dad recently started dating again and she’s being cruel and mean towards my dads new girlfriend. She’s the reason my mother doesn’t talk to my other sister. My mom borrowed money from my other sister to bail my 27 year old sister out of trouble. She’s got three kids with three guys. She abused me growing up. Every time I try to talk to my mom or dad about it she butts in and says I’m jealous of her. My mom says to drop it because she hates being in the middle of it. What I’m saying is, is it bad to not want her in my life at all? I don’t want to try anymore. I don’t want the negativity in my life. I’m moving out June 1st, is it healthy if I just cut her out of my life?
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Little Sister;
It’s not unhealthy to cut your own sister out of your life. Some people may have their opinions that this is your sister, and you should try to help her. Family is important, but if that family is only bringing negativity into your life, then sometimes it’s best to move on from them. Your sister is old enough to know right from wrong. She needs to grow up and stop being negative towards you and your family. Have you tried sitting down with your sister one on one, and explaining to her how you feel? Communicating with her about the way you feel is important. You don’t want to regret removing her from your life if you truly feel that you haven’t tried to work things out. If you feel that you have done all you can, then it’s her own doing. It sounds to me like she may be jealous that you have your life together. You are working hard to get to where you want to be, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I wouldn’t give her the time of day, let her make her negative comments because at the end of the day you are doing you and making your life better. And no matter what she says, she can’t take that away from you.
Advice Column: Sex with the ex to get pregnant? Image found on flickr.com
The Question:
Sex with the ex to get pregnant.
I am desperate for a baby. My ex and I are still quite close and with a little extra push on my part I believe that we could not only resume physical relations but could also get back together again. I am prepared to do this alone if need be, but something tells me that if I manage to get pregnant he would probably very easily come back. My question is this, given that I could potentially put my family back together and get the baby I desire should I initiate sex with him when I am ovulating without telling him? He will obviously be aware that I am looking to have another baby but I just won’t tell him about the dates. So if he has sex with me, then he understands the ‘risk’ but doesn’t completely understand that extent of the risk as long as I timing it right. Right?
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Ex;
If you want to truly have a baby but you don’t care that you may have to raise this baby on your own that is definitely up to you. There are a lot of single parents out there or certain circumstances a woman has in her life that she chooses to bring a baby into this world without a father present in their life. However; this is a big responsibility and you have to not only think about what you want but you need to think about your future baby, and what is best for him or her. On that note; it is extremely wrong to persuade a man to have sex with you just to have a baby. Does it take two to tango? Yes, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to not tell him you are ovulating to just get pregnant. If he does fall for this, then he’s an idiot because you should always use protection or contraceptives when having sex with someone. I think that you are trying to make your reasoning behind this okay, but it’s not okay. What you are doing is sneaky and irresponsible. Bringing a child into this world no longer means that it’s about you. If this man is your ex, he’s an ex for a reason. If you want to actually try and make things work with him, then do that. But don’t get pregnant just in the hopes he may or may not come back to you just because you are pregnant.
Advice Column: What should I do? Image found on flickr.com
The Question:
What should I do?
Ok so, I’m a guy. This girl and I are best friends, but she has a boyfriend. I like her a lot, unconditionally and conditionally, but just a little. But for some reason it bothers me that they’re dating. It may have to do with me fearing for our friendship. I don’t want it to end; I enjoy being friends with her. I feel like she’s going to give her boyfriend so much attention the she may just…well…forget about me. I care for her a lot (not like a creep more like a best friend). I value our relationship as friends a lot, and she does too. I’ll end up staying away from her some days because sometimes I’m too bothered. I know that it is wrong because it’s the complete opposite of what I should be doing, it also would make her feel guilty. I don’t want her to feel guilty because she’s done nothing wrong. I don’t know what to do….someone help.
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Guy Friend;
You like her unconditionally and conditionally? I am not sure exactly what you mean by this. It sounds like you truly want to be friends with her but there may be a part of you that may like her more than just a friend. If you truly like her as a friend only you shouldn’t feel jealous about her relationship with her current boyfriend. It sounds like you are a bit confused about your relationship and you need to sit back and evaluate your feelings for her. Be honest with yourself and be honest with her. You can’t have your cake and eat it too (I know that sounds cliche) but it’s the truth. You have to understand that both relationships are different. If she is truly your best friend she isn’t going to forget about you just because she is hanging out with her boyfriend. Does a friendship change when you are in a committed relationship? Yes. That’s life and it is something you have to understand. If you have done nothing wrong with her than there is nothing to feel guilty about, on either side. This sounds like a balancing act, you have to recognize you are only friends, and accept that you are okay with that. Be honest with your feelings about this friendship and then go from there.
Advice Column: Sex and Weight – Image found on Flickr.com
The Question:
Sex and Weight
My guy is physically fit. I’m not. I fear being on top during sex, its not sexy all the fat. Plus I know I will tire easily. Words of thought?
My Response:
Dear On Top;
If your boyfriend is fit and you are not there are two things you need to think about.
Number one – If you are unhappy with your body, start working out. It can be an activity that you can do with your boyfriend and you will feel better about yourself. There is nothing wrong with feeling bad about your body, this is normal especially for women. But you have to realize that your boyfriend is with you for a reason and if he loves your body than you need to start learning how to love it to. With that said, there is also great health benefits to working out and eating healthy so look into making a life change to better your life and your confidence.
Number Two – Be happy with your body and have confidence. Your boyfriend is with you for a reason so he must love the way you look. You don’t have to be on top for the entire time, you can start and roll over to end up on the bottom, or start on the bottom and finish on top. Talk to your boyfriend about how you feel and work things out. Remember having sex is also exercising so look at as killing two birds with one stone.
Advice Column: I feel sick when I see him. Image found on Flickr.com
The Question:
I feel sick when I see him, what do I do?
I was friends with my ex 5 years (platonic), together for 2. We have had problems and gone back and forth. He came back and I thought I wanted to try again. I feel sick to my stomach and unhappy when I have to see him. The problem is how do I break up with him? It’ s such a loss.
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Feeling Sick;
Sometimes our feelings change for the better and sometimes like in your case for the worst. It’s normal for this to happen when a relationship is dead. Don’t feel bad to be honest with him. Breaking up with someone is never easy but it’s better to let him go than to pretend to be happy in a relationship that you are no longer happy in. It’s a clear indication that this needs to be done if you are feeling sick to your stomach when you see him. Tell him how you feel – well I wouldn’t tell him you feel sick when you see him that might be a bit too harsh. But tell him you want to see other people and that this just isn’t working out.
