Just another WordPress site

Tag: advice

  • Advice Column: Should I marry him?

    Advice Column: Should I marry him? Image found on flickr.com
    Advice Column: Should I marry him? Image found on flickr.com

    The Question: Should I marry him?

    I am supposed to get married next year and a few months ago I have been having many doubts about my future with him. He doesn’t like going outside, he spends all his time on the laptop, playing darts or at the gym and I barley get to see him. I feel as though he prefers not spending time with me or our son, and that we have nothing in common. I quit my job and moved 23 miles away from my family and friends for him and I don’t think he understands how much I have actually sacrificed. Is this cold feet? Am I making stuff up or should I really not be with this person? We have good times together but lately I have been feeling very alone. Should I marry him?

    (Edited)

    My Response:

    Dear Confused;

    I think there is cold feet when committing to someone in a marriage, but it usually involves just getting a little scared to spend the rest of your life with someone. It sounds like you are unhappy. You should definitely think about what you want. You don’t want to marry someone if you aren’t in love with them. If you really love him, then you need to talk to him. I’m not sure how old you are, but it sounds like your boyfriend is very immature. If you have a child together, he needs to be more involved. Definitely don’t marry him just because you feel obligated. Marriage is a commitment and you should be 110% sure before you go through with it. If you don’t have an exact date set, then I would wait. Talk to him, and try to work things out if it’s what you really want. But it sounds to me like you may already know what you want, you just don’t want to see it. Good luck.

    xo,

    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Yahoo.com

  • Advice Column: I was molested when I was younger

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    The Question: I was molested when I was younger. I don’t think I will ever find love, get married or have kids. Where do I go from here?

    I was molested when I was 11 and 12, and I was bullied by most of the kids in school all through junior high and high school. Because of this, I’m not a confident person. I’ve never dated anyone, I don’t like being touched, and I don’t see how anyone could love me anyway. How do you tell someone in one breath that you never dated and the next that you aren’t a virgin? I’ve gone to psychologists, but I feel like they are a waste of money. I’m now 32, and I’ve accepted that I’m going to be alone the rest of my life. But, I’m afraid that I’m going to become this bitter old woman who makes everyone in her life miserable. I already have days that I feel bitter about it. How do I keep from becoming bitter and miserable? I know everyone has trials they have to go through, but I don’t understand why I had to go through these particular trials. They say that your life is what you make of it, but it’s not so easy to be happy and outgoing when you spent years of your life being told you are worthless and ugly and stupid and just not worth the time of day. I have tried to change myself, but it didn’t help. I still have that voice in the back of my head telling me I’m worthless. So I just exist. And what’s the point of life if you just exist? Now don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t kill myself. I have my faith, it took me years to find it, and I don’t believe in committing suicide, but it doesn’t keep me from questioning the point of my existence.  Really, what is the point? I used to have dreams of getting married and having kids, and I don’t have those anymore. I gave up dreaming of things long ago, because it hurts too much, and I’m tired of being disappointed. Where do I go from here?

    My Response:

    Dear Hard Life;

    I am so sorry for what you have been through. I can’t imagine having gone through what you did and surviving it. I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. You found faith and you found a way to live life. You may not be living it to the fullest but you are living it.

    I would suggest talking to a psychologist but it seems you have already been doing that. I wouldn’t stop doing it, but I would suggest perhaps finding a group of people to talk to. Sometimes there are groups in your area of people who have been through the same thing. Sometimes it’s easier to accept what has happened, knowing that you are not the only one out there who has gone through what you have been through.

    They do say everything happens for a reason, unfortunately we don’t always know what those reasons are. I’m not going to lie, if you don’t like being touched, it will be difficult to have a relationship with someone. But maybe if you meet the right person you can push through your fear of being intimate with them.

    It can’t be easy to admit you have never dated and then turn around and say you aren’t a virgin. But I think you are also over thinking this. It’s not an easy conversation to have with a man, but if he really cares about you, he won’t care what you have been through. You don’t have to start the conversation with I have never dated and by the way I am not a virgin. Just meet a guy and go out on a date. Talk normal conversations. If the subject of sex comes up, then you explain what happened to you. You don’t have to go into details if you don’t want to, but you can explain that it was a hard time for you and that it took you a while to get through it.

    Just because this happened to you, doesn’t mean that you will be alone and never have kids for the rest of your life. You are putting limitations in your life. Don’t ever limit the power of love and what the future has in store for you. Whenever that little voice in the back of your head tells you how worthless you are, you have to STOP yourself. Remind yourself how beautiful you are and that you deserve happiness like any other person. No one deserves to go through what you did, but this does not mean that you are worthless or that you don’t deserve to find love and be happy.

    Don’t ever give up on your dreams of finding love and having kids. Think positive thoughts, be positive and you will see what a difference this will do in your life. Remember that you are beautiful and that you deserve to be happy. Just because bad things happened to you when you were younger, doesn’t mean your life has to stop, or that you are limited to certain things in life. Once you truly accept what happened to you, you will be able to move on. I’m not saying it will be easy, there will probably be days that bring you back to that time period, but you have to try to pull yourself away from those thoughts and think about the good that has entered your life. Think happy thoughts. Go out there, meet friends and guys and have fun. Don’t ever think that you are worthless, because you are not.

    Remember that.

    xo,

    kristin nicole

  • Advice Column: How do I tell him I’m pregnant?

     

    Advice Column: How do I tell him I'm pregnant? Image found on flickr.com
    Advice Column: How do I tell him I’m pregnant? Image found on flickr.com

    The Question: How do I tell him I’m pregnant?

    I just found out this morning that I’m pregnant. I really want this baby, but my boyfriend won’t want it. He’s already told me that he doesn’t want to have another baby, because he already has one with a previous relationship. He told me that I would have to get rid of it, if I ever got pregnant. even though he knows I don’t agree with abortions. Never have. I really want this baby, but I know he won’t want it, and he will tell me to get rid of it or try to get rid of it himself. He’s threatened to do this before. I don’t know what to do or how to even tell him.

    (Edited)

    My Response:

    Dear Prego;

    It’s not his choice as to whether or not you want to keep the baby. If you knew he didn’t want a child then you both should have used protection. The deed is done, but first I would go to the doctor to confirm you are pregnant. Sometimes the test over the counter can have a false positive. Once you have confirmed with the doctor that you are pregnant then you will have to talk to him. It will be your decision to stay with him or leave him and raise this baby on your own. Although he has said he doesn’t want another baby, he may change his mind once he knows you are pregnant. If he doesn’t change his mind and he’s adamant about you getting an abortion, then you need to stick up for yourself and decide what you want to do for you and your child. What do you mean, that he’s told you he would get rid of the baby, if you don’t? That sounds like a threat, and you shouldn’t be with someone who is telling you that. That is a serious statement. If you have family and friends, go to them. Talk to them first and have them help you out with this situation. Bringing a child into the world is a big responsibility, you need to make sure you are making the right decision before making it.

    I found this question on Yahoo.com

  • Advice Column: Is my boyfriend gay?

    Advice Column: Is my boyfriend Gay? Image found on flickr.com
    Advice Column: Is my boyfriend Gay? Image found on flickr.com

    Advice Column: Is my boyfriend gay?

    I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 months now. I sometimes don’t know if he’s in the closet, because he gives off vibes that he may be gay. I really like him, but I don’t want to be his cover story, for being straight. He’s told me how strict his parents are, and how he’s felt that he has to hide who he really is in front of them. I’ve asked him, what he meant by this, but he’s always really vague. Recently my friends saw him out at the movies with another guy. When I asked him about it, he just told me it was an old friend and to drop it. I found a text one time that came from a guy friend that I know is gay, and he was asking if they were on for their date. I’m feeling so confused. If he’s gay, why would he ask me out? Do I ask him if he’s gay? I’m scared he will break up with me if he’s not gay and I upset him for asking such a stupid question. Please help.

    My Response:

    Dear Girlfriend;

    Just because he was out with another guy at the movies doesn’t mean he is gay. Did your friend see him doing something other than just being at the movies with a guy friend? If she didn’t see him kissing the guy, then he could have just been at the movies with a friend.

    With that said; it is a bit strange that he’s mentioned he can’t be himself around his parents, and if he was just going to the movies with a friend, why would he hide that from you? As for the text from a gay friend, some gay friends can just say “date” and it doesn’t mean anything. You have two options, continue dating him and wondering if he’s really gay or not. Or just straight out ask him about the text and go from there. I’m not going to lie; he may get mad. If I had a boyfriend who asked me if I was a lesbian and I’m not, I would probably be bothered. But you can’t continue in a relationship with someone you think is possibly lying about their sexuality.

    xo,

    kristin nicole

     

  • Advice Column: Will I ever get married and have kids?

    Advice Column: Will I ever get married and have kids?

     

    Advice Column: Will I ever get married and have kids? Image found on flickr.com
    Advice Column: Will I ever get married and have kids? Image found on flickr.com

    The Question: Will I ever get married and have kids?

    I’m a 28 year old woman. When I tell people my age they are shocked and think I look and act young. 

    I’m a bit depressed because I’m at an age where I should be getting married and having kids. However, I’m studying to be a nurse and I don’t finish until the end of next year. I’m broke but working on and off. I still want to go traveling, and do a big trip to Europe. All my friends my age have already done their “gap year” [sic] years ago and are now settled in their careers, getting married and having kids. 

    I feel so far behind! I’ll be starting my career at 30! 

    The only places I have travelled to are, Thailand, U.S.A, and The Greek Islands. I’ll be too old to go travel once I hit 30 right? 

    I’m constantly surrounded by younger people and I feel so old. Will I end up alone? I’m single now and every time I meet someone and we hit it off it turns out he is already taken, it’s so frustrating! At the rate I’m going I’ll be living my “20s” in my “30s” and will be alone and childless in my 40s.

    (Edited)

    My Response:

    Dear 20s;

    I am not sure what your question is. If it’s ‘are you too old to travel’ my answer would be NO! You are never too old to do anything you want to do in life. And when people tell me I look young, I’m ecstatic. Be happy you look good. Not everyone has a career and is married with children in their 20s. I didn’t get my Master’s Degree until I was 30, and I just got married in March. I don’t feel old and I don’t think I am behind. Most of my friends are a little older than me, and they all pretty much have careers, are married and with children. But I am not living their life, I’m living mine.  I am taking my own pace, and I am enjoying my life right now before having children. We aren’t in the 50’s, now a days women don’t have to get married and have children in their 20’s. Enjoy your life, finish school and have fun. Don’t worry about what other people think, at the end of the day it’s your life. When you least expect it, you will find the right guy and settle down. But until then, enjoy your life. Be grateful for the travels you have been able to enjoy. Not many people can say they have traveled as much as you. You never know, maybe you will meet someone while traveling. Live your life to the fullest no matter what age you are and enjoy it.

    xo,

    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Yahoo.com

  • Advice Column: He touched my brother and molested me

    Advice Column: He touched my brother and molested me. Image found on flickr.com
    Advice Column: He touched my brother and molested me. Image found on flickr.com

    The Question:

    He touched my brother when he was little and then he molested me. I’m angry and I don’t know what to do.

    So a few years ago my brother and I where sleeping over at our friends house, and in the middle of the night I woke up and caught this person who was 13 at the time touching, with my younger brother who was 8 [sic]. I didn’t give it much thought, I just thought they were playing some harmless game or whatever and went back to sleep, the next morning I asked them what they where up to and this person said that they where just playing games on the computer. This was back when I trusted this person, so I thought I probably just dreamed it or my eyes where playing tricks on me since it was dark and I was still half asleep. Anyway, so I completely forgot about it for about 2 years and then around March of 2013, my sister told me some horrible rape story that had happened to her friend and it left me feeling shocked for several days. It triggered the memory of catching this person and my brother touching.

    So I asked my brother what happened and it turns out that this person had bribed him to touch him. I couldn’t handle that so I told my dad and he said it was harmless and something I shouldn’t be worrying about and he laughed. I went over to this persons house for a week or so and he came back to ours, I wasn’t mad yet I just felt really bad [sic], I felt like it was somehow my fault that it had happened. I felt guilty for about 6 months non stop. While this person was here he was a DICK! I talked to him about what he did and he threatened me! He called me names and once he dry humped my back against my will.
    I told him to stop but he waited like 30 seconds, I could have beat him up but I couldn’t be bothered [sic]. He stayed here for 3 months. I went over to his house in April this year and I beat him up, and I told him I was beating him because he humped me. He denied it at first but then he said if I wanted him to stop I should have just said so. I saw him a few days later and his eye was bloodshot, I still feel angry though, I think I should go to his house and dry hump him against his will and beat him up till he cries because I still feel really angry at that f***ing *****! I hate him for all the s*** he did to me.  He’s also racist. He brags to me about doing drugs cause he thinks its cool. He calls me names, like when he was here he called me a crazy b**** for not dyeing his hair. In 2012 He tried to beat me up because he was using my computer, and I asked if I could use it for a minute, and he just ignored me completely so I got angry and told him to get off. I didn’t fight back.
    Please help, I don’t know what to do.
    (Edited)
    My Response:
    Dear Angry;
    You are very angry, but beating up on this person, or going to their house is not helping anyone. You have every right to be angry but you need to stop and talk to an adult that will help you. I am not sure if you have a mom? Have you spoken to her or any other family member besides your dad? You should try talking to your dad again, I cannot believe that he would just brush something like this off, but sometimes as adults we don’t want to face something that is so horrible, yet true. This doesn’t excuse him, but I’m just trying to understand why he would allow this man back into your house after what you told him. You or your brother should never be around this person. I would talk to another adult and report this person as soon as possible. If this person has done this to you and your brother than they most likely have done this to other children and it isn’t safe to be around them. Do not blame yourself, you couldn’t have prevented what this person did to your brother, you are and were young and you didn’t know what you were really seeing. The important part is that you now know the truth and you can now protect your brother and yourself by not being around this man and reporting him. Report this person to someone and stay away from them.
    xo
    kristin nicole
    I found this question on Yahoo.com

  • Advice Column: Why don’t I want to be in a relationship?

     

    Advice Column: Why don't I want to be in a relationship? Image found on flickr.com
    Advice Column: Why don’t I want to be in a relationship? Image found on flickr.com

    The Question:

    Why don’t I want to be in a relationship?

    Theres this guy on Facebook; I asked him out and he said yes, and now I feel like I’m not good enough for him. Many people told me that no one will ever like me. I feel like it really effected me some how. I’m always pushing people away; like friends and family . What should I do?

    (Edited)

    My Response:

    Dear pushing away;

    I don’t know who you are talking to or what type of friends you are hanging out with, but it’s not very nice of them to tell you that you will never meet anyone. You obviously have, and you actually had the confidence to ask him out and he said yes. So stop worrying about what others have told you and gain that confidence back. Sometimes we push people away because we are scared to loose them, so it feels easier to push them away before they get too close. But honestly, this doesn’t fix anything. It doesn’t stop from feeling whatever it is you’re going to feel. Life is a journey and there are lessons to be learned, but it makes us who we are. Go out with this guy and take a chance.

    xo,

    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Yahoo.com

  • Advice Column: My ex cheated on me, is there something wrong me?

     

    Advice Column:
    Advice Column: My ex cheated on me. Image found on flickr.com

    My Question: 

    My ex cheated on me, is there something wrong with me?

    I had a happy relationship with a guy and he cheated on me. Is there something wrong with me? Is it my fault?

    (Edited)

    My Response:

    Dear Cheated On;

    You can’t blame yourself for someone else’s actions. Some men don’t know what they have at home and unfortunately cheating is the ultimate betrayal. There is definitely nothing wrong with you. You may not see the reasons behind his actions and it may hurt a lot now, but I promise it will get better. Time heals all wounds. Move on, go out with your friends and start meeting new people. Go out on dates and find a guy that will appreciate you more than your ex did.

    xo,

    kristin nicole

    I found your question on Yahoo.com

  • Advice Column: He’s making me unhappy

     

    Advice Column: He's making me unhappy. Image found on flickr.com
    Advice Column: He’s making me unhappy. Image found on flickr.com

    The Question: 

    He’s making me unhappy. I need relationship advice.

    Alright so me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over a year. We broke up back in May but then got back together. Ever since we got back together, things have changed dramatically. I can’t trust him with a certain friend because they did drugs together behind my back. He says he won’t do it anymore and I can’t trust that. I’m always the first one to text him, he can never text me first. I cry all the time because he yells in my face when he gets frustrated with me. I tell him my feelings and its like he doesn’t listen. I’m not allowed to state my opinions about his friends but yet he comments on my friends all the time. He ditches me to go hang out with his friends, usually on the weekends. He makes me nervous and anxious when around him. He claims all he tries to do is make me happy, but yet he makes me miserable every chance he gets. He’ll stop answering my texts for a night, then give no explanation for it the next day. Advice please?

    My Response:

    Dear Unhappy;

    It sounds to me like you already know deep down what you need to do. You broke up once for a reason, and you obviously don’t trust him enough to be happy with his decisions. Being with him is making you more miserable so why would you stay with him? I know it’s not easy to leave a relationship when you care about the person, but it’s not healthy to stay in a relationship that you are clearly unhappy in. If you feel that you need to talk to him, then talk. Let him know how you feel. If he doesn’t change then move on. You deserve better.

    xo

    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Yahoo.com

  • Advice Column: Half naked pictures of my boyfriends ex on his phone.

     

    Advice Column: Half naked ex on my boyfriends phone. Image found on flickr.com
    Advice Column: Half naked pictures of my boyfriends ex on his phone. Image found on flickr.com

    The Question:

    I found half naked pictures of my boyfriends ex on his phone. Please help.

    My boyfriend and I have been together off and on for 10 years. We have been going through a lot of things lately like loosing our house, the death of our 15 year old dog, and family issues. We have been fighting quite a bit. The other day he got a new phone and wanted me to install a new sim card (holds your photos) in his phone. When I went in to the picture area I noticed a half naked photo of a girl he use to date. There were two of them from a couple of months ago. During that time I yelled at him because I found out he was snap chatting her (sending pictures back and forth in an app.) He told me that they were just saying hi and catching up. I decided to let that go. But now I find out that when they were talking a couple of months ago, that this is when she actually sent him those pictures. I called him and packed some of my things and just left our house. He said that he has never cheated on me and never will. He knows he was in the wrong but he deleted the pictures and he didn’t know they were in his phone anymore. I personally think that what he did is cheating, but he doesn’t think it is. He said he did not cheat and I just do not know what to do. What should I do?

    (Edited)

    My Response:

    This is a hard situation to be in. Your boyfriend may have not physically cheated on you but this is definitely a form of cheating; it’s emotional cheating. You should sit down with him and talk to him, tell him how you feel and tell him he has one chance to be completely honest with you. In the end it will be your decision as to whether or not you trust him and want to stay with him. Regardless of what happened, this will still hurt and you have to either forgive him and move on, or move on completely.

    xo,

    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Yahoo.com