Just another WordPress site

Tag: advice

Advice Column: My boyfriend is bisexual

Advice Column: My boyfriend is bisexual. Image found on flickr.com

The Question:

My boyfriend is bisexual.

For starters we have been together about 6 years, I was 13 and he was 14 and we are now 19 and 20. We were talking about getting an apartment and moving in together, we found one we both like and we signed the lease. About 3 weeks after moving in he told me he kissed his best friend which is a guy, he said he is bisexual and he has said that he’s been bisexual since we started dating, but I’m starting to wonder if he is gay more than bisexual.

On top of that he cheated on me so I feel hurt and it being his best friend I don’t feel I have the right to make them stop talking. But I think he shouldn’t talk to him considering he should be thinking about my feelings in this situation, not his own since he is the one who did the damage. It’s been about a month and his best friend showed up at the house 3 days ago, I answered the door and I was supposed to be at work but he looked at me and literally ran away… like RAN. Made me very worried he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing or maybe he just wanted to hang out with his best friend. I don’t know what to do to. Should I be with him or not. All my friends just tell me **** him move on but they don’t realize that I’ve been with this guy since I can ever remember. I’m really looking for someone with similar problems or just good advice. Should I stay or should I go? What about his friend and everything that has happend? I’m lost and completely destroyed over it, please help.

(Edited)

My Response:

In any relationship you are in, the other person should never cheat, that is one of the biggest betrayals a person can do to another. You have to first think about what he did and think about being with a man that lied to you. Second, he’s obviously confused by saying he’s bisexual. You have been with him so long that maybe he felt embarrassed and is still confused about his sexuality. He might not be bisexual and he may be gay but maybe he doesn’t know how to come out and talk to you about it.

I think you really need to sit down and talk to him, communication is key in any relationship. Unfortunately you were young when you were first together and you are still very young. I know it’s hard to think about your life without him, but do you want to be with a man who cheated on you, and is confused about his sexuality? If his best friend showed up at your house when you weren’t supposed to be there and then ran away, that should tell you something. That definitely feels a little fishy, and I would confront him about it. Is this the type of man you really want to spend the rest of your life with? These are the questions you need to ask yourself. You deserve better, and if he really loves you he will be honest with himself and with you. It’s not going to be easy, if this relationship ends it’s all you have ever known, but I promise that things in time will get easier. Everything in life happens for a reason, even if we don’t understand them in the moment.

xo

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

June 13, 2014
Advice Column: My friend is Bisexual, what should I say to her?

Advice Column: My friend is bisexual. Image found on flickr.com

The Question:

My friend is Bisexual, what should I say to her?

My friend told me and a load of other friends that she was bisexual over bbm (Basically a bc) [sic]. I’m going to see her at school tomorrow and she’s probably going to want to talk about it, but I have no idea how to respond.

I’ve only ever been in 2 relationships and I get pretty awkward when people talk about stuff like that, what could I say to her when she mentions it?

My Response:

Dear Friend;

If she’s a good friend of yours, don’t worry about it too much. She probably just wanted to be honest with her friends and a little support is probably all she’s looking for. It can’t be easy to come out to your friends, so just try to be there for her. To be honest with you, there really isn’t much to say, if you accept her the way she is, just let her know that you respect and support her no matter who she likes. She may be confused and just wants support from her friends, the best thing you can do is be there for her. Support her and listen to her, don’t stress about what to say or do. Just be there for her.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

June 11, 2014
Advice Column: Cheated on my girlfriend

Advice Column: Cheated on my girlfriend. Image found on Flickr.com

Advice Column: Cheated on my girlfriend and now I need help.

My girlfriend and I haven’t even been together for a month and I did something stupid. I wasn’t drunk or anything, it just happened and now I need help. I don’t want to lose her.

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Cheater;

You have put yourself in a hard position. (No pun intended). You have choices in life; one you can tell her the truth. Be honest and hope that she forgives you. Know this is highly unlikely. If you really cared about your new girlfriend you wouldn’t have cheated on her. I don’t know how bad the circumstances are but cheating is cheating in any form you put it and it’s completely wrong. I’m guessing you already know this since you are asking for advice. There is no way to truly help you in this situation, you either tell her the truth and hope she forgives you, or you hide it from her in hopes she doesn’t find out. The problem with hiding the truth is that the truth always seems to find it’s way out. Good luck.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

June 9, 2014
Advice Column: Is it ok if he hasn’t texted me in a day, no kiss after date?

Advice Column: Is it ok if he hasn’t texted me in a day, no kiss after date? Image found on Flickr.com

The Question:

Is it ok if he hasn’t texted me in a day, no kiss after date?

I’ve been dating this guy that I met off a dating site. We’ve been getting to know each other and honestly it’s been going pretty well. No red flags miraculously, he picks me up (drive 30-40 minutes), pays for his share, and we have a lot to talk about. I wouldn’t be surprised or offended if he was dating other people though, his page is still active and so is mine. We hug before/after every date, but he hasn’t kissed me yet. I also haven’t gotten a text today but that’s fine I suppose considering we rarely text much anyway.

Am I beginning to look into things? I’m just worried I could be wasting my time but I don’t want to appear clingy.

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Clingy;

It’s normal to feel this way, especially since you have just been dating casually and you haven’t really talked about where this is going. If you really like this guy, I would just be open and honest with him. It’s not that you are being too clingy, but the norm of dating is a first kiss and an eventual call or text. He may just not be that into you, but I don’t know the entire situation. Have you gone on more than one date? Has he done this before on other dates, where he doesn’t text you right away? This is a big factor in seeing if he is acting any different. If he’s done this before then I wouldn’t think anything bad about it, and I would just text him and quick hello, how are you? If he normally texts you, then maybe something is going on with him. I would talk to him, there is no other way to get an answer than to just ask. On another note; if he hasn’t kissed you yet, then maybe he’s just not that into you, he has someone else or he’s just really shy. There is nothing wrong with giving off some hints if you want to kiss him. Again, open up and talk to him. Communication is always key.

xo

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

June 4, 2014
Advice Column: I feel alone

Advice Column: I feel alone. Image found on Flickr.com

The Question:

Should I see a counselor, I feel alone.

I’m a 21 year old full time student and worker. I have a respectable job and I am planning to go to law school next year when I finish my undergraduate degree. I haven’t lived at home since I was 9, but instead have lived with a number of random people. I was pretty much in foster care, although I wasn’t officially in the system. When I was younger I dealt with not having parents or family a lot better. I think it was because I felt like I would some day, that someone would love me like their daughter or something. Now that I’m 21, it seems harder for me to deal with my feelings. Most people think I’m really happy, because I can be really energetic at times. I laugh and smile a lot, and honestly I do feel happy sometimes, but overall I’m sad. Every time I go to bed I am sad. I cry a lot by myself because I’ve always wanted a mom or dad to really love me. I’ve made connections with adults and have had mentors, but it seems I never can really be loved like most people love their kids. Nobody comes to my award stuff at school, who knows if I’ll have anyone at my graduation, and I probably wont have anyone to walk me down the isle at my wedding one day. I try so hard, I really do. I try to love people and get involved with other people’s life, but I always feel like an intruder/outsider. I get jealous of my friends who have awesome moms and dads. Not because they have them, but because I wish I did too. I even thought about moving out of state to get away. Advice?

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear feeling sad;

It’s normal to feel the way you do. You come from a situation that not many can crawl out of. You have to count your blessings in other ways. I can’t imagine how hard it is to not have a mother and father in your life, but you have to think of the positive that may have come from it. There are some people who have their parents, but they are abusive mentally and physically. Your situation could have been a lot worse. I know it’s not easy no matter which way you look at it, but something that always keeps me going is to remember ‘it can always be worse.’ Seems to me like you have most of your life put together, you are going into law school, you and you work, keep up the positivity in your life. I definitely don’t see anything wrong with talking to a counselor, sometimes talking to someone helps. Moving out of state is not going to make the sadness in you go away, you have to learn to accept your situation and make the best of it. Have you ever thought about finding family from your biological parents? This is something to think about, maybe they have been looking for you or they don’t know you exist. I don’t know your situation completely so it’s hard for me to give more of my advice. But always remember that you are stronger than what you think, and that it’s okay to feel a little jealous of your friends and their families sometimes. But remember where and what you have become and be proud of that.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

May 30, 2014
Advice Column: How do I handle a relative and a bully?

Advice Column: How do I handle a relative and a bully? Image found on: Flickr.com

The Question:

How do I handle a relative and a bully?

My older sister is 27 and I am 24. I work three jobs to pay my bills and school. I recently saved up enough money for a car. It’s 10 years old and it’s not the perfect car but it’s mine. She didn’t congratulate me she just brushed the car off , and started off with “she’s going to rub it in my face that she bought a car before me.” I haven’t nor would I rub it in her face.

She told the village cops I’m driving without a license (I’m not) so I’ve been pulled over multiple times. She doesn’t have a job and I’ve vouched for her on multiple occasions for jobs and she’s screwed me over. I work for a grocery store in the morning, and a convenient store at night, and an ambulance service on my days off. She constantly makes comments like; “must be nice to go out and party” on the rare occasions I do go out. My dad recently started dating again and she’s being cruel and mean towards my dads new girlfriend. She’s the reason my mother doesn’t talk to my other sister. My mom borrowed money from my other sister to bail my 27 year old sister out of trouble. She’s got three kids with three guys. She abused me growing up. Every time I try to talk to my mom or dad about it she butts in and says I’m jealous of her. My mom says to drop it because she hates being in the middle of it. What I’m saying is, is it bad to not want her in my life at all? I don’t want to try anymore. I don’t want the negativity in my life. I’m moving out June 1st, is it healthy if I just cut her out of my life?

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Little Sister;

It’s not unhealthy to cut your own sister out of your life. Some people may have their opinions that this is your sister, and you should try to help her. Family is important, but if that family is only bringing negativity into your life, then sometimes it’s best to move on from them. Your sister is old enough to know right from wrong. She needs to grow up and stop being negative towards you and your family. Have you tried sitting down with your sister one on one, and explaining to her how you feel? Communicating with her about the way you feel is important. You don’t want to regret removing her from your life if you truly feel that you haven’t tried to work things out. If you feel that you have done all you can, then it’s her own doing. It sounds to me like she may be jealous that you have your life together. You are working hard to get to where you want to be, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I wouldn’t give her the time of day, let her make her negative comments because at the end of the day you are doing you and making your life better. And no matter what she says, she can’t take that away from you.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

May 28, 2014
Advice Column: Sex with the ex to get pregnant

Advice Column: Sex with the ex to get pregnant? Image found on flickr.com

The Question:

Sex with the ex to get pregnant.

I am desperate for a baby. My ex and I are still quite close and with a little extra push on my part I believe that we could not only resume physical relations but could also get back together again. I am prepared to do this alone if need be, but something tells me that if I manage to get pregnant he would probably very easily come back. My question is this, given that I could potentially put my family back together and get the baby I desire should I initiate sex with him when I am ovulating without telling him? He will obviously be aware that I am looking to have another baby but I just won’t tell him about the dates. So if he has sex with me, then he understands the ‘risk’ but doesn’t completely understand that extent of the risk as long as I timing it right. Right?

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Ex;

If you want to truly have a baby but you don’t care that you may have to raise this baby on your own that is definitely up to you. There are a lot of single parents out there or certain circumstances a woman has in her life that she chooses to bring a baby into this world without a father present in their life. However; this is a big responsibility and you have to not only think about what you want but you need to think about your future baby, and what is best for him or her. On that note; it is extremely wrong to persuade a man to have sex with you just to have a baby. Does it take two to tango? Yes, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to not tell him you are ovulating to just get pregnant. If he does fall for this, then he’s an idiot because you should always use protection or contraceptives when having sex with someone. I think that you are trying to make your reasoning behind this okay, but it’s not okay. What you are doing is sneaky and irresponsible. Bringing a child into this world no longer means that it’s about you. If this man is your ex, he’s an ex for a reason. If you want to actually try and make things work with him, then do that. But don’t get pregnant just in the hopes he may or may not come back to you just because you are pregnant.

xo

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

May 23, 2014
Advice Column: What should I do?

Advice Column: What should I do? Image found on flickr.com

The Question:

What should I do?

Ok so, I’m a guy. This girl and I are best friends, but she has a boyfriend. I like her a lot, unconditionally and conditionally, but just a little. But for some reason it bothers me that they’re dating. It may have to do with me fearing for our friendship. I don’t want it to end; I enjoy being friends with her. I feel like she’s going to give her boyfriend so much attention the she may just…well…forget about me. I care for her a lot (not like a creep more like a best friend). I value our relationship as friends a lot, and she does too. I’ll end up staying away from her some days because sometimes I’m too bothered. I know that it is wrong because it’s the complete opposite of what I should be doing, it also would make her feel guilty. I don’t want her to feel guilty because she’s done nothing wrong. I don’t know what to do….someone help.

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Guy Friend;

You like her unconditionally and conditionally? I am not sure exactly what you mean by this. It sounds like you truly want to be friends with her but there may be a part of you that may like her more than just a friend. If you truly like her as a friend only you shouldn’t feel jealous about her relationship with her current boyfriend. It sounds like you are a bit confused about your relationship and you need to sit back and evaluate your feelings for her. Be honest with yourself and be honest with her. You can’t have your cake and eat it too (I know that sounds cliche) but it’s the truth. You have to understand that both relationships are different. If she is truly your best friend she isn’t going to forget about you just because she is hanging out with her boyfriend. Does a friendship change when you are in a committed relationship? Yes. That’s life and it is something you have to understand. If you have done nothing wrong with her than there is nothing to feel guilty about, on either side. This sounds like a balancing act, you have to recognize you are only friends, and accept that you are okay with that. Be honest with your feelings about this friendship and then go from there.

xo

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

May 21, 2014
Advice Column: He’s flirting with me and my friend

Advice Column: He’s flirting with me and my friend. Image found on flickr.com

The Question:

Is he basically lying to me? Does he even like me?

This guy I like has been showing signs that he likes me and things were really going well. I went out for a walk the other day and we bumped into each other. I asked him if he wanted to come with me on this walk. Everything was really nice and we were really flirting. Next minute my friend rings saying she’s allowed to come over, so I tell her to meet me.

My friend turns up and this guy instantly starts looking her up and down but is still in deep conversation with me. He then starts making jokes about her having sex and that she’s always doing it. I then start talking about something serious and he interrupts by walking past me and picking my mate up on his shoulder. He keeps touching her arm and messing with her hood in front of me like I’m not there. He then start adding her on Facebook and flirting with her. We walk to his house and when we get in he tells me to sit on the other side while they sit together, but as soon as she goes home he’s asking me to message him.

He called me today and I said I’m not going out again and he was like ‘why not? I’ll have to drag you out!’ What is it with him and why is he leading me on and then clearly flirting with my friend?

Please help

My Response:

Dear Confused;

He is obviously trying to have his cake and it too (sorry for the metaphor) but it fits perfectly with your situation. It sounds like you need to talk to your friend first. Does she know you like this guy? If she does then it’s wrong that she would be flirting with him right in front of you instead of trying to help you out. If this guy really liked you then he wouldn’t be flirting with your friend right in front of you. I say move on and find a guy who is really into you and not trying to mess with your head. It sounds like he’s trying to hook up with your friend and then hook up with you while your friend is away. If he really liked you he would have already asked you out. This doesn’t seem to be the case, so move on and find a real man.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

May 16, 2014
Advice Column: Does my personal trainer like me?

Advice Column: Does my personal trainer like me? Image found on flickr.com

The Question:

If he likes me, he would call me. Right?

He gave me a personal training session preview and I was pretty much flirting with him the whole time, but it might not have been obvious. I don’t know if all personal trainers do this but he asked to touch my butt for one exercise and I said no because I did not want to seem like a slut but he was touching my back a lot and I’m not sure if personal trainers do this. I didn’t have any money so couldn’t hire him. He probably does not like me but I wrote down my email and number on the form. I think he can call it if he wanted to ask me out. It would probably be dumb to ask him, but I don’t want to come off as slutty or desperate.

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Working Out;

Personal trainers at times may hold your back or ask to support you depending on the exercise. This does not mean that the trainer was flirting with you. Some personal trainers will flirt with their clients in order to try and have them come back, that can be normal for any man. If he wasn’t flirting with you back, I am not sure what the question is. Why would he call you if you didn’t get that vibe from him? If you left your information, for him it was merely business. I am sure a lot of girls flirt with him as he’s training them. If you like him, that is up to you whether you want to talk to him and let him know how you feel, but don’t feel bad if he turns you down.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

May 14, 2014