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  • Advice Column: Cheated on several times

    Advice Column: Cheated on several times. Image found on google.com/images

    Advice Column: Cheated on several times

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I found out my boyfriend cheated on me while we were in a long distance relationship. He finally moved to my home town but I found out that while he was gone he slept with other women. He recently had to go back home to take care of some family business and while he was gone I hooked up with a friend of mine. I love my boyfriend but a part of me can’t get over the fact that he cheated on me. I know two wrongs don’t make a right but I felt hurt and betrayed and sleeping with my friend almost made me feel better. I don’t know if I should come clean or tell my boyfriend. I don’t know if I can ever trust my boyfriend again and I am still so angry with him. The friend I slept with has been trying to get with me and he tells me all the time how my boyfriend is a loser and how I deserve better. I am a little confused now. Should I stay with my boyfriend or leave him and try to see if my friendship with this guy can be more than just friends?

    Sincerely,
    Confused~

    My Response:

    Dear Confused;

    Let’s start off with the fact that your boyfriend cheated on you while you were in a long distance relationship. As soon as you found this out, you should have hit the highway. Do you want to be with a man who has cheated on you with not one but several other women? Second, you are right, two wrongs don’t make a right, and although I can see why you sought comfort in someone who is always telling you that you deserve better, you don’t want your friend to be a rebound guy. If you feel you can’t trust your boyfriend then end things. Send him packing back to where he came from. Take time for you and try to stay friends with your guy friend and go from there. If it’s meant to be, things will work out, if not you will hopefully still have a friend after all this. Don’t ever think you need to stay with someone who has cheated on you. You deserve better. Go find yourself a real man!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    (2011)

  • Advice Column: Why is he so bad at sex?

    Advice Column: Why is he so bad at sex? Image found on google.com/images

    Advice Column: Why is he so bad at sex?

    He is so bad at sex! He lays in bed and says give me a BJ! I said okay, how would you like it, and he is very non descriptive. [sic]. He said with your tongue; you know go up and down. I tried but he seemed real frigid and unsatisfied to be honest. During sex he cums within minutes and asks if I want it again. He doesn’t give me kisses and he doesn’t ask me if I am enjoying it. I find that I am demanding with him with what I need and he often just denies what I demand of him.

    He pumps it into me like a rabbit man on steroids. [sic]. This is sad and true. How do I freaken [sic] communicate to him?

    (Edited)

    My Response:

    Dear Unsatisfied;

    This is a Simple question. Tell him how you feel! Communication is not that hard, tell him you want more attention, you want him to be more detailed in how he likes things and if he doesn’t like it a certain way, to also let you know. It is important to be open with your partner and if he can’t do that with you then maybe it’s time to go your separate ways. Don’t worry about always asking him how he likes it. Do your thing and be confident! If he can’t satisfy you then maybe you need to find yourself a man that can. Find someone that can open up to you, rather than just sit there and tell you to blow him. We all deserve better then that. It is important to be attentive to your partner and get some in return.

    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com (2011)

  • Advice Column: Sleep with my professor?

    Advice Column: Sleep with my professor? Image found on google.com/images

    Advice Column: Sleep  with my professor?

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I am a junior in college and my professor is really young. he is 33 years old and I am 22 and every time I see him I get all tingly down stairs. After class we have met a few times to go over some school work. We flirt a little but nothing as ever happened. I don’ know if to make the first move or see if he finally make a move. This semester finishes in August and I didn’t know if to wait until the semester finishes or just to go for it now. The excitement of dating my professor and having sex with him on his desk gets me excited just thinking about it. Should I just make the first move or wait?
    ~Professor Crush

    My Response:

    Dear Professor Crush;

    Although it might be exciting to sleep with your professor, I am sure that there are rules about dating your professor. With that said there is nothing wrong with some harmless flirting and letting him know you like him. You want to make sure he really is flirting with you and not just being nice. Sometimes we can take niceness the wrong way. August is around the corner so you might as well wait and see what happens afterwards. You might just like him for the thrill of actually sleeping with your professor. If this is the case, then move on and start enjoying your last few years in college. Go out and find some guys your age and a guy who isn’t off limits. Good luck

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    (2011)

  • Am I being crazy or is something going on?

    Repost:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    The Question:

    OK my wife had an emotional affair around 2-3 years ago. Its started with emails and within only a few months it became a lot more. Since then I’ve been a mess, I used to be “Mr Calm” about everything she did and now I’m jealous and over thinking everything….but maybe I should be… you tell me. I found out she’s been chatting on facebook with this guy (also married) recently. He was one of the first people she added as a friend and she didn’t add his wife until a month later. After I found out she changed her password and also changed the settings on her phone so she wouldn’t get messages sent to our email. {sic} Yet everyday there are 15-20 internet/media net things on our phone bill. I’ve tested this and those don’t show up if you are just checking your email and she doesn’t do anything else on her phone/internet except email and facebook.

    Other things….she has a job that she can change her schedule and take an hour or two off anytime during the day, he lives 2 minutes away from us, is a cop, she tans everyday and has an after hours pass, her best friend who she tells everything to had an affair with a married man for 10 years and they are now married, he’s a cop too and friends with this guy. I catch her in little lies here and there and I have to wonder why she would lie if she’s not up to something.

    Things to consider… We’ve been together since she was in high school going on 11 years of marriage now and have two beautiful sons. We look like the perfect family and couple. Everywhere we go we are the best looking couple there. If I left now she wouldn’t be able to pay the bills herself, she would be screwed, if the guys wife found out she could ruin her name in this town and my wife is all about “who’s who”

    OK that’s the best I can sum all this up , so tell me am I being crazy? And what suggestions do you have for me….

    Additional Details
    Oh… the first guy was also married and is not the same guy I’m talking about now… and yes I know I’m insecure, I hate it!!! My wife is not a cop just him, Oh did I mention her dad was a cheater all his life and she adores him. Also, Counseling…seriously thinking of that but really I just want to know if she is cheating because I’m halfway out the door right now. At this point we are currently lovey dovey with each other yet I still see the 15/20 internet thing a day on the phone. If I try to talk to her again about it she will just get pissed and think I’m crazy again, her reason for the changing of the passwords is cause she said she doesn’t want to be treated like a 13 year old. I have asked her already and she swears its nothing just small talk, swears she loves me, but I wonder who she thinks about during the day at work. Keylogger? You have to tell your spouse or that is invasion of privacy, if I told her she would just use her phone all the time, there are two many ways for her to get away with it. {sic}.

    My Response:

    Dear Cheated On;

    Okay first let me start with “YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT HER THE FIRST TIME!” Cheating is the ultimate betrayal and you being insecure or not trusting her comes with that. Unless you fully forgave her and were able to move on the first time then this isn’t a healthy relationship. I don’t care about what other people think or that people think you look like the perfect couple, those other people don’t live with you and those other people don’t have to feel miserable with you either. Stop thinking about how she will manage, as long as you take care of your kids let her fend for herself, she made her bed now let her lie in it. (Okay cheesy line, and I never understood the analogy behind it but it seemed to fit here). Her best friend had a 10 year affair and ended up with the guy, doesn’t necessarily mean your wife will be do the same; however I have to go back to the phrase “Once a cheater always a cheater.”

    I understand you have two boys you have to think about but be honest with yourself, kids are smart and if something isn’t right they are going to sense it. It isn’t healthy for anyone to stay in a relationship where there is no trust and cheating going around. If you feel you have to check her phone or look at how much she’s used her internet, your suspicions should tell you that something just isn’t right. She may have psychological issues that go back to her dad but she is a grown women and she knows that cheating is wrong. If you truly want to try to make things work, it’s not a one way street and she has to put effort into making things work as well, try marriage counseling. My advice though…. get an attorney, get full custody of your kids, and move out. Have respect for yourself. What are you teaching your children if you stay in a marriage that is full of lies? You deserve better.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this answer on Yahoo.com

  • Advice Column: This guy I met is too clingy

    Advice Column: This guy I met is too clingy. Image by: Google.com/images

     

    Dear Kristin Nicole,

    I met this guy and we have gone on a few dates, however now he’s constantly calling me and he already wants me to be his girlfriend and we have only known each other for about three weeks. On top of it all he’s in his late 40’s living with his mom. That’s not the bad part, it’s fine if you are single and you need to help your mom out, but his mom works and has no car, and he is constantly doing things with his mom. One day I asked if he wanted to do lunch instead of dinner because I’m a single mom and I was going out that night with my daughter. He said he couldn’t because he was going to trade in his car and he was going with his mom. I feel like it’s becoming too much. Can we say “Mama’s Boy”? On top of it all he was ready to invite himself over to my house one day and I told him no, because as I mentioned before I have a teenage daughter and I am not going to bring any guy into my house. He also has teenage children with a previous marriage that live out of the Country but he failed to mention this to me until just recently. He told me that he has an 11 month old daughter with another woman, who also lives outside of the country. I don’t think I want to deal with someone who hides his children, lives for their mother only, and is now nonstop calling me. He’s a nice guy, but I’m just not ready for a relationship, let alone with someone like him. I have been avoiding his phone calls but what should I do?

    ~ Dating a mama’s boy

    Dear Dating a mama’s boy,

    If it’s only been three weeks, this is good. This means you haven’t invested much time in figuring out this guy just isn’t for you. If he really wanted to see you the day you offered to have lunch with him, he could have invited you to go with him car shopping either with his mom or leaving his mom at home and taking you instead. Inviting himself to your house is also a little pushy, especially since he knows you have a daughter. I think you did the right thing by stopping him. As for all his children, I think it’s a bad start if he told you off the bat about the first two children but forgot to mention his 11 month old daughter, that he has with another woman. It seems like it’s too much already for just knowing him three weeks. I think that if he is a nice guy though, that you should at least pick up the phone or call him and let him know that you just aren’t ready for a relationship right now and you can stay friends if you like. Most men don’t like to hear “the friend speech” but it’s better to be honest with him without hurting his feelings, then just ignoring his phone calls. Now move on, and if you’re not ready for a relationship then enjoy being single and enjoy time with your daughter, one day the right man will come along.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    (Edited 2011)

  • How do I express myself?

    Express yourself. image by: google.com/images

    Expressing yourself can sometimes be hard. If you are angry do you tell the person you are fighting with what you feel right then and there? Or should you wait until you cool off and have a more focused mind set? Sometimes letting it out in the moment allows you to really tell the person how you feel but sometimes it’s better to cool off and talk calmly with each other in order to avoid words you may regret later.

    Sometimes there comes a time when you argue with your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, or friend, and sometimes you get so angry you can’t express your feelings. In my case I try to talk in the moment but if I get too frustrated I close myself off because I can’t fathom having a conversation with that person. When I try to say what I am thinking sometimes I over think my thoughts and I end up stoping my self, leaving myself with no words to say.

    Why do we do this? Why is it so hard for women and men to say what they feel? Are we afraid of what the other person might say? SOMETIMES, For me that is the case. I’m afraid to get into a bigger argument when I just want them to understand what I am feeling, but that doesn’t always work.

    So I find it easier to express myself sometimes through email, letters or text. I know this shouldn’t be the solution but sometimes it’s the only way to get what I feel out in the open. It’s better to get it out one way than not at all. Right?!?

    In my letter I try to really go into details on what I feel but you still want to make sure you aren’t crossing the line somewhere. Sometimes in letters the person reading it may interpret your words differently and you don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings, unless taht is your intentions of course.

    I found a website that talks about relationships and communication, and I truly believe that communication is the KEY to a healthy and long relationship. You can’t hold things inside because in the end you will only blow up, and that isn’t good for either one of you. This website tries to help MEN communicate better. For those men who have problems communicating check this website out and click HERE.

    Even though the website indicates how to communicate more for men towards women, I think it’s good for women to read it as well. Some of women might be a little more like men then we think. Open up to your other half and tell them how you feel, but don’t attack them with your words, just tell them that you only want them to know how you are feeling and what can “we” do to fix it.

    Assumptions are the termites of relationships. ~Henry Winkler.

    xo
    kristin nicole

  • Self Esteem

    Self-Esteem

    Self-Esteem has been an issue for many people through out the years. As individuals there are flaws we seek out from our selves that make us feel insecure and unhappy. Some self-esteem issues can cause psychological disorders, from a young age a child who does not experience the opportunity to differentiate themselves, and lack the opportunity to idealize others while taking pride in themselves, may later suffer from a disorder called narcissistic personality, this is a result from self-esteem issues. “The narcissistic personality is characterized by a grandiose and exaggerated sense of self-importance and an exploitive attitude towards others, which serve the function of masking a frail self-concept.” (Corey, 2009). Self-esteem issues can result in problems later on in your personal relationships. The National Association for Self-Esteem web site is very interesting. It gives different concepts and explanations on helping a person to improve their self-esteem.

    What is self-esteem? According to the National Association for Self-Esteem, self-esteem is thought of as a person whom trusts in his or her own being to life affirming, constructive, responsible and trustworthy views. A word many people use trying to describe self-esteem is a feeling of feeling good about yourself, or having positive feelings about oneself. Unfortunately many people suffer from having low self-esteem. Some people have even gone to state that self-esteem is equivalent with egotism, arrogance, conceit, narcissism, a sense of superiority and, a trait leading to violence. People with low self-esteem tend to try to prove themselves to others. They use others for their own gain, to make themselves feel better about their lives. Many people who suffer from the lack of self-esteem lack self confidence in themselves, they have doubts about their worth and acceptability, and usually are reluctant to take risks or expose themselves to failure. Those who suffer from low self-esteem tend to blame others for the lack of shortcomings rather than take responsibility for their own actions.

    Feelings of insecurity can lead to psychological issues, such as discussed earlier like narcissism and other types of disorders like depression. There are ways to try and build your self-esteem, to try and make your life positive and grow from the feelings of insecurities to feelings of self worth and positive attributes. On the website they have a Building Positive Self Esteem section where it has a Self Esteem Lesson Plan Improving Self Esteem in Adults. This plan has a step-by-step plan to help those with low self-esteem. Building self-esteem is building a positive attribute that the person needs to learn how to build inside him or herself. Self-Esteem is not based on the things you have in life, like your house, car, school, relationships, money etc, it is based on how a person feels about themselves. According to the website positive self esteem is meeting life’s challenges and not feeling victimized, taking responsibility for your thoughts, words and actions, and making conscious choices to support and care for yourself.

    Each lesson plan takes you through a journey into learning yourself and accepting yourself. Lesson one is to read about how the brain works, this helps a person learn and recognize behavioral thoughts and patterns; you can change these patterns and habits if you can recognize them. Lesson two, you discover what you believe about yourself and you make the decision on your own to change to a healthy self-esteem. Lesson three is to learn how to meditate and use relaxation techniques to allow your self to experience feeling calm, peaceful, confident, and loving self. Developing meditation practices is one of the most powerful ways a person can find inner peace within themselves, this is important to feel positive about yourself and your life. Lesson four is to learn how to respect, care for and love yourself. You cannot have a healthy self-esteem if you do not have respect for the one person who will take care of you, this person is you. Lesson five is to focus on your choices in life. When a person has low self-esteem you sometimes feel like you have no choice but to do certain things, when you have a healthy self-esteem you learn that you can make whatever choices you have to overcome in life. Lesson six teaches you how to have direction in your life. What you decide in life is up to you. Lesson seven is about visualization. Tapping into your imagination is an important tool into reaching and changing your behavior. Lesson eight teaches you to tap into an invisible energy force, this force includes higher power, spirit, God, universal love, super conscious and intuitive or higher self. Lesson nine summarizes the important components into taking responsibility and overcoming low self-esteem. The last lesson, lesson ten offers an additional lesson plan that some can learn to use in ever day life.

    In life we all have insecurities, we have to learn to not allow them to take over, you cannot allow them to make you feel bad about yourself and have low self-esteem. These techniques can help any type of psychological disorder improve. If person feels depressed due to low self-esteem you need to learn to feel good about yourself, once a person feels better about himself or herself they no longer feel the feelings of depression or narcissism. Boosting your self-esteem is also part of one of the programs they have on the website. Use affirmations to boost your-esteem, they say to carry a saying around with a positive thought about yourself, for example; ‘I am somebody, I love myself, I believe in myself.’ Associate with positive, supportive people. When we surround ourselves with positive people it encourages us to be positive and think good about our selves, if we surround ourselves with negative people it tends to bring you down and only bring negative vibes into your life. Make a list of your past successes, this doesn’t have to only have monumental accomplishments; it can include small victories that you have accomplished throughout your life. The list goes on, stop comparing yourself to others, stop putting yourself down, take advantage of self esteem programs and make a list of your positive qualities. Every morning you should meditate and visualize your day, read inspirational texts and start your day off on a powerful positive start. Communication is key and in like any friendship, relationship or work related aspect it’s important to communicate positively and hang around positive people.
    The National Association for Self Esteem website is a great website to go to if you are feeling insecure about yourself and your life. Self Esteem is important, it determines certain psychological disorders and it can determine how you live your life. Take time to take care of yourself and feel good about yourself. If you do not respect and love yourself it will be very difficult to carry on any type of relationship in your future. Life is never easy, and we are all dealt with negativity in our lives, it is how we believe in ourselves and how we choose the outcomes in our lives that determine our future.

    References

    Corey, G. (2009). Theory and practice of counseling and psychotherapy (8th ed.) Belmont, CA: Thomas Brooks/Cole.
    National Association for Self Esteem (2010). Self-Esteem Booster. Retrieved January 14, 2012 from: http://www.self-esteem-nase.org/booster.php
    National Association for Self Esteem (2010). Self-Esteem Lesson Plan Imporiving Self Esteem in Adults. Retrieved January 14, 2012 from: http://www.self-esteem-nase.org/self-esteem-lesson-plan.php
    National Association for Self Esteem (2010). What is Self-Esteem? Retrieved January 14, 2012 from: http://www.self-esteem-nase.org/what.php

  • You’re my kind of Perfect

    Hello – Anyone out there reading my posts? Sadly no one entered a poem to be featured in today’s post, so I guess I will have to put one of my OLDER Poems…… I wrote this and tweaked it a little to sound a little better. If you are reading… Let me know what you think.

    Random Thoughts…

    Have you ever just realized that the person you are with isn’t perfect, but with all the flaws and all the differences you have you know deep down that this person is for you, that He or She is your kind of Perfect? I grew up and realized that no one is perfect, but that is what makes us all unique, and in the end there is always that one person who fits perfectly together with you. This was dedicated to my boyfriend…

    You’re my kind of Perfect

    When I found you I didn’t know you would be the one
    When you found me we were just having fun
    Then out of nowhere we fell in love.

    I never thought you were perfect but to me you shine that light
    When I’m in the dark you make everything alright.
    When we kissed I felt the summer breeze.
    When our eyes met I knew deep down that now I can finally breathe.

    When I met you I was lost,
    I didn’t think love really existed,
    But I opened up my heart to you,
    I let you see the me no one sees,
    And when you looked at me I knew
    I had to let you in my world,
    Because without you, I just wouldn’t be me.

    Through the years you’ve been my strength
    My best friend through it all
    And even though we aren’t perfect
    You’re my kind of Perfect
    You’re my kind of Love…

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    © Written By: kristin nicole June 2, 2011 Edited: March 2,2012

  • Stop being so blind…

    Stop being so blind…

    Can’t you see the truth
    Why must you be so blind?
    I guess at this age we just like to hide.

    I don’t know what to tell you
    What to say or what to do
    I wish you can see when it’s just not meant to be.

    Love is blind
    the heart doesn’t want to see with the mind
    Open your eyes and see the truth
    that in the end he/she will only hurt you.

    Sometimes I see you and it makes me so sick
    to see someone with such a looser
    it’s a waste of a breath.

    In the end you’ll see the light
    In the end you’ll understand
    that what I want for you is only the best.

    Stop being so blind, and open your eyes
    Start seeing the truth that is right in front of you.

    © Written By: Kristin Nicole – 04/26/11 – Tuesday

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    ~Written a long time ago for a friend stuck in a bad relationship. Thankfully she was able to realize that he was no good for her, and she is now with someone she loves very much and who loves her back.

  • Life gets BUSY….

    Life gets BUSY….

    So lately I’ve been slacking on Soapnights, there really is no excuse but I just have been feeling very overwhelmed with work, school and my new house.

    Renovating a new house with my boyfriend has taken much more of our time then ever expected. Although we are absolutely loving it and it’s coming out beautiful, it’s a lot of work, time and money.

    Happy New Years By the way…..

    This year we took a trip for new years to a small town called Blairsville, Georgia. It’s a beautiful little town, and getting away from life for a while helped me relax a bit before starting the new year.

    In life we sometimes get so busy we forget to stop and smell the roses ‘so to speak’. I’ve been so busy lately that with a blink of an eye it’s already 2012! When did life start passing me by? I have so much left to do before I turn 30 and this year is going to be my year.

    Let’s start off with what I will accomplish before the end of the year:

    Bachelors Degree in Psychology by June
    Starting Masters in Journalism
    Finish Remodeling my house ~ At least in the inside…
    And…. A few things I won’t say because I don’t want to jinx them 😉

    That’s not such a long list, now is it?

    Ever wonder what you will accomplish before your 30? 40? 50? I really don’t, I live in the moment and I try to focus on what is right in front of me at the moment, but getting older I do start to wonder and think about all the things I should have done by now that I’m still working on. So although this year is going to be busy I am going to make it an effort to write more on my site and if you have any questions or concerns you need advice on, I’m only an email away.

    As for today. Happy Friday the 13th!!! Let’s start this weekend out with a SMILE~

    xo
    kristin nicole