Advice Column: Is he too clingy? Image found on flickr.com
The Question:
Is he too clingy?
I’ve just started dating this guy, and he’s a really lovely person and wants the best for me at all times. I’m really lucky to have him. The only thing is, he seems really attached to me and we’ve only been dating for about a week. He calls me every morning and every night, tells me he loves me about 30 times a day, and if I don’t text him back in five minutes he’ll ring me over and over and over until I answer. I often just turn my phone off and I don’t look at it for an hour. He wants to spend every day with me, wherever I turn he’s always there. I love being with him, but it’s suffocating! Is he being too clingy, or am I just over-reacting? What can I do?
(Edited)
Response:
Dear Suffocated;
He obviously really likes you, but I do think that sometimes in a relationship there is something called ‘a little too much’. All relationships need some form of space. It’s not healthy to be constantly calling you until you answer, that can become very annoying. Have you tried talking to him? Tell him how you feel and see if he backs off a little. I understand the first stages of a relationship are exciting and you usually want to spend as much time with that person as possible, but there is a limit to everything in life. Talk to him and tell him how you feel, if he doesn’t change, you may have to make a hard decision. Eventually what he’s doing will just annoy you more and more, and you will end up disliking him for it. Some women love that kind of attention but every person is different. It’s not a bad thing, but you have to be honest with yourself and with him. If you don’t stop him now it can only get worse.
Advice Column: Threesome friend with benefits. Image found on google.com/images
Advice Column: Threesome friend with benefits
My friend with benefits and my girl friend and I had a threesome and now I’m so jealous I’m crying my eyes out. Please any advice?
So me and Hank (Fake Name) are really good friends and we hook up when we’re bored. Today we went out and I brought my friend Stacey (Fake Name) along with us because I wanted her to meet him. Hank and I started hooking up and I’m like oh look Stacey feels left out lets let her join! He said okay. So we did and Hank and Stacey were having sex and I was so f’en [sic] jealous but I played it off and pretended I was tired. Stacey came up to me afterwards and apologized and I was like whatever its cool you know. So now I don’t know what to do. Hank and I are just friends with benefits but everyone knows we kind of like each other but I’m so jealous I cried! Even Hank asked me whats wrong because I was obviously annoyed and just quiet afterwards. Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? What now? Help….
(Edited)
~Friend with Benefits
My Response:
Dear Friends with Benefits;
It is my opinion that if you care about someone, never do a threesome, there is always someone in that equation that gets hurt. What is done is done, if your friend knows you like this guy just make sure you don’t have any more threesomes with her and your guy. If you really like this guy and you think he has feelings for you, then you need to talk to him. If you don’t talk to him then chances are he will just stay comfortable in this “friends with benefits” routine you guys have going on. Friends with benefits doesn’t work once someone starts having feelings for the other person. You need to tell him how you feel and go from there. If he doesn’t feel the same way then you have to stop sleeping with him. Sleeping with him is only going to make your feelings stronger for him and you are only going to get hurt. Remember communication is key in any relationship If he’s really your friend then he should be honest with you on how he feels.
Good luck.
Advice Column: Is my Uncle cheating on my Auntie? – Image found on google.com/images
Advice Column: Is my Uncle cheating on my Auntie?
I was playing hide and seek with my cousin and hiding behind a sofa when my uncle came to sit down not knowing I was there. He took his phone out and started texting someone. I could only see a little bit of the text and I saw words such as GIRLFRIEND and GORGEOUS. When my cousin suddenly walked in the room he quickly hid his phone. Please help! What should I do?
Additional Details:
I’m 14 and was made to play hide and seek with my 4 year old cousin by parents….
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Hide & Seek;
This is a hard position to be in, but you don’t necessarily know he is cheating on your aunt and you do not want to stir up problems if there really isn’t any. This is between your aunt and uncle and I would just leave it alone. If you feel that you can’t hold it in and it is really bothering you then talk to your parents about what you saw. Then let them take it from there. You are too young to be worrying about stuff like this. Good luck!
Advice Column: Half naked pictures of my boyfriends ex on his phone. Image found on flickr.com
The Question:
I found half naked pictures of my boyfriends ex on his phone. Please help.
My boyfriend and I have been together off and on for 10 years. We have been going through a lot of things lately like loosing our house, the death of our 15 year old dog, and family issues. We have been fighting quite a bit. The other day he got a new phone and wanted me to install a new sim card (holds your photos) in his phone. When I went in to the picture area I noticed a half naked photo of a girl he use to date. There were two of them from a couple of months ago. During that time I yelled at him because I found out he was snap chatting her (sending pictures back and forth in an app.) He told me that they were just saying hi and catching up. I decided to let that go. But now I find out that when they were talking a couple of months ago, that this is when she actually sent him those pictures. I called him and packed some of my things and just left our house. He said that he has never cheated on me and never will. He knows he was in the wrong but he deleted the pictures and he didn’t know they were in his phone anymore. I personally think that what he did is cheating, but he doesn’t think it is. He said he did not cheat and I just do not know what to do. What should I do?
(Edited)
My Response:
This is a hard situation to be in. Your boyfriend may have not physically cheated on you but this is definitely a form of cheating; it’s emotional cheating. You should sit down with him and talk to him, tell him how you feel and tell him he has one chance to be completely honest with you. In the end it will be your decision as to whether or not you trust him and want to stay with him. Regardless of what happened, this will still hurt and you have to either forgive him and move on, or move on completely.
Advice Column: My boyfriend is bisexual. Image found on flickr.com
The Question:
My boyfriend is bisexual.
For starters we have been together about 6 years, I was 13 and he was 14 and we are now 19 and 20. We were talking about getting an apartment and moving in together, we found one we both like and we signed the lease. About 3 weeks after moving in he told me he kissed his best friend which is a guy, he said he is bisexual and he has said that he’s been bisexual since we started dating, but I’m starting to wonder if he is gay more than bisexual.
On top of that he cheated on me so I feel hurt and it being his best friend I don’t feel I have the right to make them stop talking. But I think he shouldn’t talk to him considering he should be thinking about my feelings in this situation, not his own since he is the one who did the damage. It’s been about a month and his best friend showed up at the house 3 days ago, I answered the door and I was supposed to be at work but he looked at me and literally ran away… like RAN. Made me very worried he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing or maybe he just wanted to hang out with his best friend. I don’t know what to do to. Should I be with him or not. All my friends just tell me **** him move on but they don’t realize that I’ve been with this guy since I can ever remember. I’m really looking for someone with similar problems or just good advice. Should I stay or should I go? What about his friend and everything that has happend? I’m lost and completely destroyed over it, please help.
(Edited)
My Response:
In any relationship you are in, the other person should never cheat, that is one of the biggest betrayals a person can do to another. You have to first think about what he did and think about being with a man that lied to you. Second, he’s obviously confused by saying he’s bisexual. You have been with him so long that maybe he felt embarrassed and is still confused about his sexuality. He might not be bisexual and he may be gay but maybe he doesn’t know how to come out and talk to you about it.
I think you really need to sit down and talk to him, communication is key in any relationship. Unfortunately you were young when you were first together and you are still very young. I know it’s hard to think about your life without him, but do you want to be with a man who cheated on you, and is confused about his sexuality? If his best friend showed up at your house when you weren’t supposed to be there and then ran away, that should tell you something. That definitely feels a little fishy, and I would confront him about it. Is this the type of man you really want to spend the rest of your life with? These are the questions you need to ask yourself. You deserve better, and if he really loves you he will be honest with himself and with you. It’s not going to be easy, if this relationship ends it’s all you have ever known, but I promise that things in time will get easier. Everything in life happens for a reason, even if we don’t understand them in the moment.
Advice Column: My friend is bisexual. Image found on flickr.com
The Question:
My friend is Bisexual, what should I say to her?
My friend told me and a load of other friends that she was bisexual over bbm (Basically a bc) [sic]. I’m going to see her at school tomorrow and she’s probably going to want to talk about it, but I have no idea how to respond.
I’ve only ever been in 2 relationships and I get pretty awkward when people talk about stuff like that, what could I say to her when she mentions it?
My Response:
Dear Friend;
If she’s a good friend of yours, don’t worry about it too much. She probably just wanted to be honest with her friends and a little support is probably all she’s looking for. It can’t be easy to come out to your friends, so just try to be there for her. To be honest with you, there really isn’t much to say, if you accept her the way she is, just let her know that you respect and support her no matter who she likes. She may be confused and just wants support from her friends, the best thing you can do is be there for her. Support her and listen to her, don’t stress about what to say or do. Just be there for her.
Advice Column: Cheated on my girlfriend. Image found on Flickr.com
Advice Column: Cheated on my girlfriend and now I need help.
My girlfriend and I haven’t even been together for a month and I did something stupid. I wasn’t drunk or anything, it just happened and now I need help. I don’t want to lose her.
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Cheater;
You have put yourself in a hard position. (No pun intended). You have choices in life; one you can tell her the truth. Be honest and hope that she forgives you. Know this is highly unlikely. If you really cared about your new girlfriend you wouldn’t have cheated on her. I don’t know how bad the circumstances are but cheating is cheating in any form you put it and it’s completely wrong. I’m guessing you already know this since you are asking for advice. There is no way to truly help you in this situation, you either tell her the truth and hope she forgives you, or you hide it from her in hopes she doesn’t find out. The problem with hiding the truth is that the truth always seems to find it’s way out. Good luck.
I have been with my boyfriend for a year, it has not been easy, we started out just okay. Both wanting a life long partner. He is 54 and I am 48, both been married a few times both have a few children. We both have a thirty year old and a seven-year-old child and a few between. We have a lot in common and a lot of the same interest. We both feel we need to be in control and are a like. Neither one likes to give in. We love each other at least I do but can’t read his mind. His sister said, “If he did not care for you he would not even bother.” So let me get to the problem.
I love this guy but he does not give me any affection what so ever now, No kiss, No touch, No sex, we fight all the time about it. I want it and he tells me you nag and you will not get it, shut your mouth, it is your mouth. [sic]. I try not to say anything, one, two, three and so on in weeks and still he will not even come to bed. He said he does it to teach me a lesson. In one year he might have been to bed 30-40 times an average of once every two-three weeks, it is so lonely. He stays in the room with me but sleeps in a office chair. It is killing me, I cannot stand it anymore, I feel so lonely. I cry almost every night. A few months ago I began to sleep in my daughters’ room, then down stairs, and now in the office of my company, just so he cannot hurt me by not coming to bed.
We both are pretty good looking people, I only think about making love to him. I do not want to be with anyone else and cannot even think about cheating, like I said he is a very good looking man, we both look young and I am sure he is not cheating but this just makes a person think what is wrong. The other thing is that he has only cum inside of me twice, and I always want him to do it in my mouth [sic], but he makes me feel like he does not want me. The sex has always been bad. I feel like I cannot please him. He will do everything to show me he is right, even giving in gets me nowhere. Now I feel he is just tired of me. I am a very loving and giving person and giving him breakfast in bed every day. He has a drug problem that does not help but I do not use myself. He started excluding me out of friends because he feels bad to use in front of me. Yes I do make a few comments but do not nag on that. Also I had my second stroke on 2/20/2013. Walking and doing better now. He was there for me in a way but he did not know how to help me; he is very selfish, but gave me the time he could and I did not make it easy for him. Anyways what you have here is two very selfish people that love each other and neither one knows how to give in and it is killing both of us, at least me. Help!!!!!!!!
~ Too many problems but not wanting to give up.
(Revised by KN)
The Answer:
Dear Too many problems but not wanting to give up;
It seems to me that you already know there is problems in this relationship and although you acknowledge them you don’t want to accept them. If he isn’t giving you attention, sleeping with you, having sex with you, talking to you and he’s on drugs, then there is something really wrong here. I don’t know what drugs he is on but this is the number one issue to start with. If you have a young child, it isn’t healthy that he is doing drugs. This can also be causing him to not have a sexual appetite. If he is depressed this can also cause a low sex drive. There are numerous reasons he may be acting like he is. It can be the drugs, it can be that he just doesn’t care, it can be that he’s cheating on you, it can be a million things. You need to try and talk to him, tell him you want to make this marriage work but not being intimate and ignoring you is not the answer. The excuse you said he gives you about “teaching you a lesson”, WHAT LESSON? Men don’t normally think like that, at least not any man I have ever met. If anything your punishment would be in the bedroom, not avoiding you. It sounds like you want to try new things and that you aren’t closed off to doing anything kinky or otherwise, so why he doesn’t want to have sex with you is beyond me. The only advice I can give you, is TALK to him. Try to go to counseling and explain what you are feeling. You have two choices, you live with it and be miserable or you realize that he’s a complete ASS and get out of this relationship. You deserver someone better, someone who will listen and talk to you, someone who will have sex with you and love you and someone who won’t put you down. You also deserve someone who isn’t on drugs and ruining their life and the life of your child. Think about it….
Advice Column: This guy I met is too clingy. Image by: Google.com/images
Dear Kristin Nicole,
I met this guy and we have gone on a few dates, however now he’s constantly calling me and he already wants me to be his girlfriend and we have only known each other for about three weeks. On top of it all he’s in his late 40’s living with his mom. That’s not the bad part, it’s fine if you are single and you need to help your mom out, but his mom works and has no car, and he is constantly doing things with his mom. One day I asked if he wanted to do lunch instead of dinner because I’m a single mom and I was going out that night with my daughter. He said he couldn’t because he was going to trade in his car and he was going with his mom. I feel like it’s becoming too much. Can we say “Mama’s Boy”? On top of it all he was ready to invite himself over to my house one day and I told him no, because as I mentioned before I have a teenage daughter and I am not going to bring any guy into my house. He also has teenage children with a previous marriage that live out of the Country but he failed to mention this to me until just recently. He told me that he has an 11 month old daughter with another woman, who also lives outside of the country. I don’t think I want to deal with someone who hides his children, lives for their mother only, and is now nonstop calling me. He’s a nice guy, but I’m just not ready for a relationship, let alone with someone like him. I have been avoiding his phone calls but what should I do?
~ Dating a mama’s boy
Dear Dating a mama’s boy,
If it’s only been three weeks, this is good. This means you haven’t invested much time in figuring out this guy just isn’t for you. If he really wanted to see you the day you offered to have lunch with him, he could have invited you to go with him car shopping either with his mom or leaving his mom at home and taking you instead. Inviting himself to your house is also a little pushy, especially since he knows you have a daughter. I think you did the right thing by stopping him. As for all his children, I think it’s a bad start if he told you off the bat about the first two children but forgot to mention his 11 month old daughter, that he has with another woman. It seems like it’s too much already for just knowing him three weeks. I think that if he is a nice guy though, that you should at least pick up the phone or call him and let him know that you just aren’t ready for a relationship right now and you can stay friends if you like. Most men don’t like to hear “the friend speech” but it’s better to be honest with him without hurting his feelings, then just ignoring his phone calls. Now move on, and if you’re not ready for a relationship then enjoy being single and enjoy time with your daughter, one day the right man will come along.
I caught my husband having affairs on the net – After being married for thirty years I don’t know what to do? I cant seem to trust him anymore. I cant seem to forget and keep blaming myself for not keeping an eye on him.
My Response:
Dear 30 Years;
You have every right to not trust him anymore, you were married for 30 years and he betrayed your trust in the most horrible way a man can betray a woman’s trust. Do NOT blame yourself. We can not be on top of our men all the time, and we shouldn’t have to. You should be able to trust the person you are with and that person should be faithful to you no matter what temptations are out there. If your husband couldn’t be faithful this is not your fault. No matter how hard it may be you deserve respect and love from someone and you deserve to not get cheated on. It may be hard to leave your husband but he left you the day he decided to cheat on you and destroy your marriage. Stay strong, it isn’t going to be an easy journey for you but I promise there is someone out there for everyone. My aunt was married for over 20 years and later found her soul-mate. It’s never too late! Good luck!
xo
kristin nicole
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