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Tag: ask kristin nicole

  • Do you like what you see?

    image by: google.com/images

    Sometimes in life we keep moving, as if the world outside our focus doesn’t exist. We don’t realize that what we may be doing or feeling in the moment can ruin the future. When we are young, we think everything is okay, we live in a world that says ‘it’s all about me’. You need to stop and wake up, you need to realize that it is not all about you, that there is a world out there you need to see, a world that isn’t so nice as the home you have lived in your entire life. Some know this better than others. The friends you think will always be there, most likely won’t. The guy you think loves you, will be just a memory of the past, and the family you keep pushing away is the only thing that will ever truly take you back.

    We all make mistakes, we all have regrets and we all keep moving forward. It isn’t until you wake up from your dream like state that you can truly realize what it is you are doing with your life. Wake up and don’t smell the flowers but smell the disappointment, smell the raw facts of life, the ones that say you have no home, the one that says, you have no education, no job, no future. Do you smell it yet?

    If you don’t, eventually you will. We all do, we all wake up from that dream like state, and we all see what has been in front of us the entire time. If you want to throw your life away, then it is your choice, but make it clear that this is what you want to do. Do not drag the rest of us down with you, do not lie to my face and make believe that everything is okay, when everything is all shades of fucked up. Don’t keep lying to me, or yourself, because the only person that ends up with a life they didn’t want is the person on the other side of the mirror. Take a good look, do you like what you see?

    xo
    kristin nicole

  • Type A or B Personality

    Type A or B Personality – image by: google.com/images

    Are you a Type A personality? What changes do you think you could make to become more of a Type B personality?

    I took the Type A or B behavior pattern test and my results showed that I was somewhere in between a Type A which is aggressive and wanting to be great at everything versus Type B who has a more laid back kind of attitude.

    My results said: You seem to be in the middle between the Type A and Type B personality. In this case, the middle ground is good. Your attitude to life is more of the “smell the roses” kind and you know how and when to relax. Nonetheless, you realize that picking up a challenge and competing a little bit for your place in the sun can add some spice to your life. The equilibrium is important, so don’t let your hostile, aggressive, and competitive alter ego take over too often. Generally, you are easy to be around, and people tend to feel relaxed and comfortable in your presence. Yours is a very healthy attitude towards life.

    – I have to say this is pretty accurate. I like to make goals and I like to achieve the things I want in life, but I do not feel that I have to kill myself working all the time or that this is the most important thing in life. I do like to just stop and smell the roses, so to speak, I like to enjoy life and I know that life is too short to worry all the time. It’s too short to not enjoy the small things in life which makes us happy. In order to become more of a Type B personality I would just need to be a little more patient with certain things and a little more trusting. However I do not think that I would want to be a Type B personality, I think where I stand is perfect. There are times when we should be a little more aggressive in getting what we want and other times we need to know when it is the right time to relax and enjoy life.

    Take the test for yourself and see which type of personality you are at Personality Tests

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Sex Talk with our Kids…

    Let's Talk About Sex – image by: google.com/images

    Today we have discovered that sex is not just a commitment or a unity you have between you and your partner but something most of us do just for the pleasure of it, or for fun, or even just to fit in. Sex has become a big part in today’s society, and we need to sit down with our children, talk about sex, talk about our bodies, and talk about the consequences that come with having sexual intercourse at such a young age. The subject of sex tends to scare off not only the parents of the teenagers, but the teenagers themselves. It is very important to keep communication open with your teenagers so that when they are faced with the issues of teen sex they feel they can come and talk to you about it. It is better for our teenagers to be able to talk to us about it then to get pregnant or catch a disease. “In 2009, 46% of high school students had sexual intercourse and 13.8% had four or more sex partners during their life. Prior to the sexual activity, 21.6% drank alcohol or used drugs and only 38.9% used a condom”.

    The Guttmacher Institute reports that the United States has the highest levels of teen pregnancy among developed nations. About 75% percent of teenagers have sexual intercourse before they turn 20, and only 15% report that they are still virgins until the age of 21. The Institute reports that teenagers before the age of 15 are having sexual intercourse and are reported to have more than one partner in a year. As a young child we tend to learn to express our affections and sensual feelings through activities such as kissing and hugging. These actions can have a strong influence on “the manner in which he or she expresses sexuality in later years”. (Crooks, 2010).

    Growing up my parents never really spoke about sexuality or anything of the sort. It was understood that this was an awkward subject to touch on. When I was young, I had to help take care of my sister, I was 11 when she was born, and this in time became my birth control. I saw, and I experienced how hard it was to have to take care of a child, and I only had to help take care of her, I did not need to wake up in the early mornings with her or late at night, and yet this was a constant reminder to always be protected when the time would come. My older brother did have the talk about sex and not only with my dad but with my mom as well. She spoke to him about the consequences of getting a young girl pregnant and the transmitted diseases you can get with having unprotected sex. My brother was given condoms and had the “sex” conversation. I on the other hand had to learn about my body changing and sexual intercourse through books, and through friends, and through school.

    The media shows us that sex is natural, that being sexual and being sexy are things of the world. We look at this and we find that young teens want to look like models; young boys want to be strong and fit. We do not look behind the camera and we do not show our children that behind the scenes most of these people are just like you and me, that being you is okay and discovering your body when you are ready is a life time of experiences. I took a sexual education class in my sophomore year in high school, I live in Texas and it was a requirement, we learned a lot about our bodies, how to treat ourselves with how society portrays us. We learned how to eat healthy and not become anorexic or eat too much and become obese because of depression. Understanding our bodies was important, and then we learned about sexual intercourse, the consequences of teen pregnancy and the actions you might have to face if discovering you had unprotected sex and now carry a disease that may or may not kill you.

    “Masturbation is one of the most common and natural forms of sexual expression during the childhood years”. (Crooks, 2010). This is true and yet as a young child learning about your body, this is why it is so important that as parents you speak to your children. As a young teenager, growing into puberty and learning about their bodies, they sometimes do not understand what is going on with their bodies, the sensations they feel, the excitement and when they discover masturbation, they may not know if it is okay to do it or not. HIV/Aids era has showed us that using protection when having sexual relations with a partner is very important. Although we learn that not only sexual intercourse is the reason behind these diseases “behaviors that put young people at risk for HIV infection include engaging in intercourse without condoms; using alcohol, cocaine, and other drugs that impair judgment, reduce impulse control, and thus increase the likelihood of hazardous sexual activity”. (Crooks, 2010). Teenagers aged 13-24 make up around 17% of those who received diagnosis of HIV/AIDS in 2008. Many teenagers do not understand the consequences that derive in acting as an adult, and that is why it is important that we talk to our teens at a young age.

    Sexuality and sexual issues never derived in my family. Double standard as Crooks also talks about is true. As a girl, sexual talk or conduct of any sort was unacceptable, and we did not talk about it. For my brother, they were proud he used his condoms and they not only discussed sexual activities with him but they also gave him condoms to protect himself. I was told that I better not come home pregnant; this defense mechanism parents use because they are scared to talk about sexual acts with their children is what scare children off. I know a lot of girls who got abortions because they felt they could not come home and tell their parents they were pregnant, they did not have time to think, they did not have the choice to make of whether or not they wanted to keep the child and they did not use protection because it was never frowned upon to ever talk about in the household. Lucky for me, I had my baby sister to keep me sane, or should I say scared out of mind that I didn’t want the chance to get pregnant, because I knew from an early age that using protection was the key to healthy and sexual relationship in the future.

    References
    Crooks, R. (2010). Our Sexuality: Cengage Learning
    Guttmacher Institute (1996-2011). From http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-ATSRH.html
    SADD Statistics, (2011). from http://www.sadd.org/stats.htm

  • Cheating & Pregnant

    Cheating … image by: google.com/images

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I’m so desperate for help, and I really don’t know what’s the best way to go about all of this. I’ve been married with my husband for more than 12 years and I’m 34 right now. My relationship with my husband was kind of complicated but it’s getting better and more understanding. However, our sexual relationship has been questionable always, and there was a huge gap between us. Anyhow, short story, in some point of our life I felt that I really hated him, but I never had the strength to divorce him, so I continued living with him, and in the meantime I fell in love with someone else who is still with me. It’s been almost more than a year. We love each other so much, my husband loves me so much too, and now we don’t have any problem like before, and I don’t want to leave him because he’s going to be broken, and I don’t want to divorce him. My boyfriend is married too, and has a very bad relationship with his wife, and he has a daughter. He asked me several time to marry him, but I can’t leave my husband.
    Now I’m pregnant with my boyfriend about 3 weeks. I’m sure that it is his baby because I haven’t had any intercourse with my husband for over 2 months. My boyfriend is so excited about the baby and so am I, but I’m so scared about the whole process and I feel guilty that if I decide to keep this baby I have to lie to everyone for my entire life.
    Please help me to clear my mind. I know that I’m guilty in the first place and I shouldn’t cheat on my husband, but I really need your help.
    My boyfriend doesn’t believe in abortion and he says that the baby is part of our love, and I need to think by my heart. I love to have this baby as well, but when I think of consequences I’m getting more convince that I have to have an abortion.
    I can’t lie to everyone. The baby, my husband my family and his family.
    Please help me

    ~Cheating & Pregnant
    (Revised: KN)

    My Response:

    Dear Cheating & Pregnant;

    You already know that what you are doing is wrong, and the fact that your ‘boyfriend’ also has a wife is another issue. I understand that you had a complicated marriage, but when you felt that you weren’t happy, you should have left your husband then. It’s been a year that you have been having this other relationship, and your ‘boyfriend’ is still married as well. You need to make a decision, you cannot keep having this double life, it will eventually tear you apart. I can tell you are already struggling with making a decision on what to do now that you are pregnant with your boyfriends child. Your boyfriend probably won’t leave his wife as much as you do not want to leave your husband. If you truly were in love with your husband you wouldn’t be cheating and lying to him. You cannot try to pass this baby off has your husbands child and I’m sure your boyfriend won’t allow that. You will have to face the music and be honest with your husband. I am not going to try and sugar coat this, it is most likely your husband will leave you once he finds out the truth. The truth always comes out, and it is best to be honest with him now then for him to find out about the baby. If you chose to abort the child, that is completely up to you, however, you are in this situation out of free will. You need to really think about what it is you are going to do. Either choice won’t be easy and in the end someone will get hurt, but living a lie and continuing to cheat on your husband is not healthy.

    Be honest with yourself, and with both men and decide to be with one or the other.

    xo
    kristin nicole

  • He is a virgin but I’m not…

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    My boyfriend that I am with now is a virgin, I didn’t know this when we first started dating, because he seems so confident, I had assumed he wasn’t a virgin. He is 23 years old and I am 21, I have had more than one partner in my life and I am wondering if I am going to enjoy having sex with my boyfriend. I want someone who is going to know what to do, not someone I have to tell what to do. Is it wrong of me to think this way? Should I break up with him, or should I take his virginity?

    ~ Boyfriends a Virgin

    My Response:

    Dear Boyfriends a Virgin;

    You shouldn’t break up with your boyfriend just because he is a virgin, you obviously liked him enough to become his girlfriend. It may not be the same as the other men you have been with, but he might just surprise you. Try taking the dominant role and perhaps showing him exactly what you like will win over the rest in the end. Sometimes you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but one that doesn’t know any better might be worth a little work. Have you tried doing other stuff with him? Perhaps having a little fun beforehand can loosen up the mood. If you really feel like you do not want to be with him, make sure before taking his virginity, although I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. Good luck

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • My boyfriend cheated on me, should I stay?

    Stay or Go – Picture by: Google.com/images

    The Question:

    Dear kristin nicole;

    My boyfriend cheated on me and I don’t know if to stay with him or leave him. He say’s he is sorry and it will never happen again, but I don’t know if to trust him anymore.

    My Response:

    Dear cheated on;

    You shouldn’t stay in a relationship where the man does not respect you. A person who cheats on another person does not respect them or care enough to stop what they are doing before doing it. At the end of the day you have to ask yourself, if he is worth sticking around with, or if there is someone else out there who won’t hurt you the way he just did? Be strong, and remember that there is always better, and no person should have to be in a relationship where there is no trust. Trust is key to any relationship.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Moral Code

    Moral Code

    There are many reasons why people should live by a moral code. Moral is defined as concerned with the principles of right and wrong behavior and the goodness or badness of human character. As humans we are tempted with good and evil all the time, it is our up bringing and our morals that help us decide whether or not our decisions are for the good or bad. It is natural to sometimes want something we cannot have nor do something in which we have been restricted to do, it is in what we believe in that we choose the right or wrong paths.
    Dr. Kent M. Keith wrote a book about moral and ethic codes. He believed these codes are what we should follow in order to be good. Dr. Keith started with the Do No Harm list. The list consisted of ‘Do not do to others what you would not like them to do to you.’ This saying has been around for year perhaps centuries. I believe this to be true. I believe in Karma and what you do to others can easily come back to you. If we would not like someone to do something to us it is not right to do it to someone else in return. More on the list was, do not lie, do not steal, do not cheat, do not murder etc. The other list was named ‘Do Good’, and this list consisted of, do to others what you would like them to do to you, be honest and fair, be generous, be faithful to your family and friends etc. (Kent M. Keith 2003, 2006).

    There are many moral codes in which we should follow, it does not mean that if you don’t follow them, you are evil or bad, it’s a choice and we all have to make choices in life. Personally I think we grow up learning right from wrong, but some people are not so lucky. Some people grow up thinking, that stealing is the only way to survive in the world, that selling drugs can help put food on the table. If we grow up not truly knowing right from wrong, it is our teachers and our education that should point us in the right direction.

    In life we learn right from wrong and our parents teach us how to respect ourselves, love ourselves and love others in return. We need to learn to respect ourselves and others and love ourselves and others. There are many people who do not learn to respect themselves. If we believe we are garbage we live with garbage, if we believe that we do not deserve love we will not find love. Our thoughts into the universe are so important and we need to learn how to respect and love ourselves. Children are very vulnerable and if they believe that they do not have love and respecting others is not the way to live, they will follow the wrong path.

    It is important to love ourselves and know that we deserve only the best and respect from others in return. As we get older we enter into relationships, and some people enter relationships that can become abusive. If we learn to love and respect ourselves when we see that someone is not loving us or respecting us we will know that it is no good and we will know that we deserve so much better, this will help you find the strength inside yourself to leave the relationship in which is bad for you. If we do not learn to love and respect ourselves you may think that you do not deserve better, and you can fall into an abusive relationship that can lead a life of sadness and misery.
    Everyone lives by a different moral code, codes that we design or a code by which god has given us. It is up to us to believe in what is moral and to believe in the righteous path in which we are supposed to live. Life is hard and it comes with many obstacles in which we need to take, it is only our moral codes that can guide us in the right direction.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    References
    Clark, K., & Poortenga, A. (2003). The story of ethics: Fulfilling our human nature
    The Ten Commandements Bible list – What are the Ten Commandments? (n.a) – Retrived April 30, 2011 from http://www.the-ten-commandments.org/the-ten-commandments.html
    The Universal Moral (2003,2006)) – Retrieved April 30, 2011 from http://www.universalmoralcode.com/

  • Self Esteem

    Self-Esteem

    Self-Esteem has been an issue for many people through out the years. As individuals there are flaws we seek out from our selves that make us feel insecure and unhappy. Some self-esteem issues can cause psychological disorders, from a young age a child who does not experience the opportunity to differentiate themselves, and lack the opportunity to idealize others while taking pride in themselves, may later suffer from a disorder called narcissistic personality, this is a result from self-esteem issues. “The narcissistic personality is characterized by a grandiose and exaggerated sense of self-importance and an exploitive attitude towards others, which serve the function of masking a frail self-concept.” (Corey, 2009). Self-esteem issues can result in problems later on in your personal relationships. The National Association for Self-Esteem web site is very interesting. It gives different concepts and explanations on helping a person to improve their self-esteem.

    What is self-esteem? According to the National Association for Self-Esteem, self-esteem is thought of as a person whom trusts in his or her own being to life affirming, constructive, responsible and trustworthy views. A word many people use trying to describe self-esteem is a feeling of feeling good about yourself, or having positive feelings about oneself. Unfortunately many people suffer from having low self-esteem. Some people have even gone to state that self-esteem is equivalent with egotism, arrogance, conceit, narcissism, a sense of superiority and, a trait leading to violence. People with low self-esteem tend to try to prove themselves to others. They use others for their own gain, to make themselves feel better about their lives. Many people who suffer from the lack of self-esteem lack self confidence in themselves, they have doubts about their worth and acceptability, and usually are reluctant to take risks or expose themselves to failure. Those who suffer from low self-esteem tend to blame others for the lack of shortcomings rather than take responsibility for their own actions.

    Feelings of insecurity can lead to psychological issues, such as discussed earlier like narcissism and other types of disorders like depression. There are ways to try and build your self-esteem, to try and make your life positive and grow from the feelings of insecurities to feelings of self worth and positive attributes. On the website they have a Building Positive Self Esteem section where it has a Self Esteem Lesson Plan Improving Self Esteem in Adults. This plan has a step-by-step plan to help those with low self-esteem. Building self-esteem is building a positive attribute that the person needs to learn how to build inside him or herself. Self-Esteem is not based on the things you have in life, like your house, car, school, relationships, money etc, it is based on how a person feels about themselves. According to the website positive self esteem is meeting life’s challenges and not feeling victimized, taking responsibility for your thoughts, words and actions, and making conscious choices to support and care for yourself.

    Each lesson plan takes you through a journey into learning yourself and accepting yourself. Lesson one is to read about how the brain works, this helps a person learn and recognize behavioral thoughts and patterns; you can change these patterns and habits if you can recognize them. Lesson two, you discover what you believe about yourself and you make the decision on your own to change to a healthy self-esteem. Lesson three is to learn how to meditate and use relaxation techniques to allow your self to experience feeling calm, peaceful, confident, and loving self. Developing meditation practices is one of the most powerful ways a person can find inner peace within themselves, this is important to feel positive about yourself and your life. Lesson four is to learn how to respect, care for and love yourself. You cannot have a healthy self-esteem if you do not have respect for the one person who will take care of you, this person is you. Lesson five is to focus on your choices in life. When a person has low self-esteem you sometimes feel like you have no choice but to do certain things, when you have a healthy self-esteem you learn that you can make whatever choices you have to overcome in life. Lesson six teaches you how to have direction in your life. What you decide in life is up to you. Lesson seven is about visualization. Tapping into your imagination is an important tool into reaching and changing your behavior. Lesson eight teaches you to tap into an invisible energy force, this force includes higher power, spirit, God, universal love, super conscious and intuitive or higher self. Lesson nine summarizes the important components into taking responsibility and overcoming low self-esteem. The last lesson, lesson ten offers an additional lesson plan that some can learn to use in ever day life.

    In life we all have insecurities, we have to learn to not allow them to take over, you cannot allow them to make you feel bad about yourself and have low self-esteem. These techniques can help any type of psychological disorder improve. If person feels depressed due to low self-esteem you need to learn to feel good about yourself, once a person feels better about himself or herself they no longer feel the feelings of depression or narcissism. Boosting your self-esteem is also part of one of the programs they have on the website. Use affirmations to boost your-esteem, they say to carry a saying around with a positive thought about yourself, for example; ‘I am somebody, I love myself, I believe in myself.’ Associate with positive, supportive people. When we surround ourselves with positive people it encourages us to be positive and think good about our selves, if we surround ourselves with negative people it tends to bring you down and only bring negative vibes into your life. Make a list of your past successes, this doesn’t have to only have monumental accomplishments; it can include small victories that you have accomplished throughout your life. The list goes on, stop comparing yourself to others, stop putting yourself down, take advantage of self esteem programs and make a list of your positive qualities. Every morning you should meditate and visualize your day, read inspirational texts and start your day off on a powerful positive start. Communication is key and in like any friendship, relationship or work related aspect it’s important to communicate positively and hang around positive people.
    The National Association for Self Esteem website is a great website to go to if you are feeling insecure about yourself and your life. Self Esteem is important, it determines certain psychological disorders and it can determine how you live your life. Take time to take care of yourself and feel good about yourself. If you do not respect and love yourself it will be very difficult to carry on any type of relationship in your future. Life is never easy, and we are all dealt with negativity in our lives, it is how we believe in ourselves and how we choose the outcomes in our lives that determine our future.

    References

    Corey, G. (2009). Theory and practice of counseling and psychotherapy (8th ed.) Belmont, CA: Thomas Brooks/Cole.
    National Association for Self Esteem (2010). Self-Esteem Booster. Retrieved January 14, 2012 from: http://www.self-esteem-nase.org/booster.php
    National Association for Self Esteem (2010). Self-Esteem Lesson Plan Imporiving Self Esteem in Adults. Retrieved January 14, 2012 from: http://www.self-esteem-nase.org/self-esteem-lesson-plan.php
    National Association for Self Esteem (2010). What is Self-Esteem? Retrieved January 14, 2012 from: http://www.self-esteem-nase.org/what.php

  • Are you stupid, blind or just naive?

    Are you stupid, blind or just naive,
    Can’t you see what you are doing
    is going to change everything?

    This isn’t a game,
    There’s people involved
    You can’t pretend it didn’t happen
    You can’t turn back…

    In the midst of light
    I see you
    when I look at you
    I thought I knew you
    Now I look at you
    and I see a stranger
    A person who lies
    A person who schemes
    A person in which today I see
    but tomorrow I flee

    When the world seemed to crumble down
    you shut us out
    When you shed tears of sadness
    You cried alone
    When your heart falls apart
    no one will be around
    because in every moment of sadness you
    pushed the people you loved away.

    Today I open my eyes
    and I SEE that nothing is ever really meant to be

    But with every hope inside
    I come to realize
    that illusions of the heart
    make you blind

    It is not that you are stupid
    blind or naive,
    its that you are a child who just can’t see…

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    © ~Written By: kristin nicole – April 6, 2011 (Wednesday)~

  • Marriage before Sex

    Marriage before Sex

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I knew someone for a short time , but I’m into him as well as he is into me. I like him so much but I’m a very religious person and I asked him if he has had sex before, he said yes, and this is a big issue for me and I don’t like it.

    I respect the fact that he was very honest with me and that he started to get close to my religion in the short time we have known each other, but I’m afraid for the following issues:

    First, he was having sex not making love, by this I mean he was not in a relationship, he just had sex with those girls, without actually loving them. He did it with these girls, girls that will just have sex with any man, and I don’t like this mentality. I can’t accept it easily!

    Second, I’m afraid that I’ve never done it before, so I may not be as good as those girls he slept with before. He might miss these previous relationships after our marriage.

    The third issue, is that my breast are very small, he may not like it and as you know I will not make love to him before we get married. (This is according to my religion). So I’m afraid that he won’t like it.

    What do you think about these issues? I’ll speak to him about it but I need your opinion first .. & .. thank you in advance Kristin
    (Revised by: Kristin Nicole)

    ~ Marriage before Sex

    My Response:

    Dear Marriage before Sex;

    I understand that in your religion you have to wait to be married before having sex, if you are thinking of being with someone that does not have those same beliefs you need to accept their past. Just because he slept with other women before you does not mean that he will think differently of you. You need to be happy with who you are and what you have, don’t worry about having small breast or the fact that you have not had sex. If he is with you then he already finds you attractive. You do need to make sure that he understands your beliefs and that you are not going to have sex with him unless you are married. If he is okay with that and really cares for you then the rest will go from there. You can not judge someone for their actions and their beliefs because they are different than yours, if he is a good man and he treats you right, then you need to leave his past in the past. If you feel that you cannot get over the fact that he has slept with other women then you need to really think about being with him, because you do not want to hold that against him. It is very natural now a days for a man and a woman to have sex and not make love, it doesn’t make it right or wrong but it happens. You have to look past that if you want to have a relationship with him, and he will need to respect you for your beliefs as well. Remember to always love yourself, don’t feel insecure about your body, we are born with what we have for a reason and the person we are with will love us for who we are and how we look.

    xo,
    kristin nicole