Advice Column: She dumped me over an email. Image by: Kristin Nicole
The Question: She dumped me over an email, what should I do?
She emailed me saying; ” I don’t want to see you anymore. I am not able to say this in person….”
Nowhere in the email is she worried about how I would be doing after this, and she didn’t even mention that she’s sorry or anything. Not that I expect this. Anyway, I am really sad and I feel like I was used for the sex. How do I deal with this? It feels so bad. Please help.
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Email;
She’s breaking up with you over email, which means she is probably not too worried about how you feel. If you feel like things aren’t resolved between the two of you then try contacting her and try talking to her. Unfortunately the fact is, she broke up with you over an email. Do you really want to be with someone who didn’t have the courage to talk to you in person? Relationships are hard, but it definitely isn’t cool to break up with someone via email or text. It sucks that you feel used, but just take it as it is, at least it was fun while it lasted. If she doesn’t want to talk in person and you can’t reach her through email, then just move on. Go out with your friends and have some fun. Take your mind off this relationship and move on.
Advice Column: My Ex Boyfriend is Confusing Me. Image found on Flickr.com
The Question: My Ex Boyfriend is confusing me. What should I do?
My ex and I broke up mutually over a week ago. We agreed that we both aren’t ready, he did not have a reason why but mine was mainly because of studies (LLB). On the day we agreed to end us, he stated that he didn’t love me anymore then stated that he did and tried to make up excuses to end us. We agreed to continue being there for each other.
After a recent 3 hour phone call which he initiated, he said he is surrounded by hot chicks; smoking weed everyday and has gone back to taking pain killers to help him not to feel. He also stated that he has no opinion on us anymore. He also sounded as though he does not care and contradicted himself a lot. I told him that he does not know what he wants but he disagrees and says he wants someone controlling.
Before me, he was single for 3 years after being in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship for 6 years. He was in a gang and used drugs. I accepted him fully and love him without judging him based on his past. 🙂
Ever since our relationship started he always said he feels he doesn’t deserve me and doesn’t understand how I can be as understanding as I am. During our relationship he also tried to end us 3 times. I always tried to uplift him and still love him despite him seeing himself as not deserving happiness. He didn’t believe he made me happy when he really did.
Now, I have insomnia; no appetite; I’m emotional and confused.
I haven’t contacted him after the call.
Advice needed.
~Ex in Pain
My Response:
Dear Ex in Pain;
It sounds like your ex has emotional problems that derive way beyond your relationship. He needs professional help to see what is causing him to feel the way he’s feeling. Does he have a family member you can reach out to? Perhaps talk to them and see if they can help him.
It’s probably best you two ended things, you need someone who is stable and happy and can make you happy in return. You sound like such a sweet and caring person, but it’s not your job to take care of him anymore. If you are having problems sleeping and have loss of appetite, it can be from the stress of your break up, mixed with whatever is going on in your life right now.
Try to take things easy, try to focus on you and your studies. Don’t lose focus on you. You have to accept when someone doesn’t want help, it’s not easy and it doesn’t mean you have to stop trying to help him, but you cannot control his actions and/or his emotions. All you can do is let him know, that you will be there for him, if he needs you. And like I said before; try reaching out to someone that can help him. Life is too short, remember to take things easy, take a deep breath and focus on you.
Advice Column: Should I break up with her? Image found on google.com/images
Advice Column: Should I break up with her?
The Question:
We have been together for 8 years. Recently, things have not been the way I would like them to be. We moved in together 7 years ago, and things then were good, but this is her in a nutshell:
1.) She is overweight, and has made no effort to lose weight
2.) She is losing her hair and has made no effort to sort that out
3) She treats our house like a hotel and never bothers to clean up, I spend most of the time cleaning up and we both work.
4. We both work and complains that when she comes home why should she clean up.
5. She loves junk food, take out, and prefers it to home cooking
6. She is bad with money, constantly spending it and not budgeting it properly
7. She is so mistrustful of me and my work, she gets upset when I work.
8. She is not happy unless she has things her way and if she doesn’t get her way, she gets angry.
10. I cannot say no to her or she will get into a strop. [sic].
11. I have been working for the past eight years, she only got a job recently and she thinks its an automatic right that she should not contribute to the house.
12. Every time I clean up and try to sort things out she doesn’t help maintain the house.
13. She always leaves things out of place. I ask her to do things, like put away dishes after I wash them, she says she would, but always casually forgets and never does it.
14. She constantly likes to live in a place of perpetual squalor
15. She has a problem with taking advice
17. I try to help her but she just doesn’t give me any indication that she is interested or willing to participate.
I don’t know what I can do I love her, but I cannot live my life like this all the time. She expects so much of me, but it is seriously putting a strain on our relationship. I work, she works, I am trying to forge [sic] a career but it is difficult when I feel I am being held back.
I am afraid if we do break up, she will make it difficult for me to be free. I never broke up with someone, what should I do?
Help Please!
My response:
Dear being taken advantage of:
How old are you? You have been together for 8 years and lived together for 7 and you are telling me that only after 7 years you have finally realized the type of person she is. If you haven’t noticed, you did not mention one good thing about your girlfriend and if you have been together for so long and you are NOT happy then that should tell you something about your relationship. The indication that all you can come up with is negative stuff about your girlfriend should indicate to you that it’s time to grow some balls and man up, break up with your girlfriend. If you both work and you are the only one coming home to pick up after her then there is no 50/50 in this relationship. You truly sound like the woman in the relationship, you need to either sit down and have a big talk with her about how things need to change or you need to move on. As for her gaining weight and loosing hair; there may be something wrong. It sounds like she doesn’t care about herself and it’s no wonder you are second guessing your relationship. I don’t believe in having to be thin, if you really love someone you’ll love them even if they gained a few pounds, but how much weight gaining are we talking about, and losing hair? What is she doing? If she doesn’t care about her looks that is a problem. If she isn’t helping around the house and she’s a total pig, that’s a problem, She doesn’t know how to budget money, and she seems to only care about herself, that’s a problem, and if she simply doesn’t care about what you think that’s a PROBLEM! I think you are in love with what you had, and you have to open your eyes and look at the big picture because the person you fell in love with isn’t that person anymore. Don’t be afraid to break up with someone just because you have never done that before. if you aren’t happy you have to think about yourself. If you have a lease together, break it, and move out, find a new place to start a new life and find a new girlfriend that will appreciate all the things you do for her. Good luck! Man up and find someone else that will appreciate you, someone you are truly happy with, not someone you want to change because they didn’t end up being the person you thought they were.
When I see you
I think of her
Wondering if she’s happy
Wondering what went wrong
Why couldn’t I see she was the one?
I tried to move on
Pretend that I was happy
But deep down I’ll never forget
That in the hearts of all hearts I let the best of me go
And when I think of her
She’s all I’ll ever know.
I moved forward with my life
I have someone new
And although a part of me loves her
It will never be you.
You were the one that knew me best
The good with the bad
But I was so stupid to think you would never leave
I was stupid to think I had you
That you would never run away
But when I broke your heart
You had no words to say
I begged you to listen
I begged you to speak
But when I looked at you
You were no longer weak.
Ive just come out of a relationship. It was hard to end and I wasn’t happy in the end. The guy didn’t talk to me for weeks after we split and now he turns up saying all the stuff I ever wanted to hear. Mean while, I started dating (nothing serious just dates) this other guy. I explained to the new guy, that I’m just out of a relationship and I have mixed up feelings, and he is ok about it. So why do I feel guilty? Like if I’m cheating on someone when I’m not!!? I told my ex we can talk next week but I can’t promise more then that and we will see what happens. Am I doing anything wrong? Why do I feel guilty? I’m no one’s girlfriend now right? Thanks in advance for your advice. ~Conflicted
My Response:
Dear Conflicted;
You shouldn’t feel guilty because you were very honest with they guy you are dating about just being out of a relationship and not wanting anything serious. You are probably conflicted because you may really like the new guy you are dating, and even though you haven’t done anything but talk to your ex, you are feeling like it’s wrong. If you weren’t happy at the end of your relationship then why do you want to talk to your ex now? I think the best thing to do is move on from your ex, and the easiest way to do that is to stop talking to him. If you really like this new guy then don’t ruin it by talking to your ex. If you are confused, then take some time off from both of them and see what you want to do. If you have unfinished feelings with your ex then maybe talking to him and seeing him will clear a few things up for you. Don’t drive yourself crazy about it though, you are single and you are doing nothing wrong, you were honest with the guy you are dating, so if he wants to stick around while you sort out your feelings then that is entirely up to him. Good luck.
We were together for 7 years and we moved in together January of this year and two weeks ago he told me that he wants his freedom, he wants to live life but loves me very much and he wants me to give him time to live? So I have to move out because it was his apartment but my name is on the lease. Right now I dont have enough money to move, I will have it by August 1. Its been really hard living with him, especially because I want him. He thinks I am moving out July 1st but I’m not. Right now we dont talk at all in the house. So my questions are: Should I wait for him? How can I make this situation better?
My Response:
Dear Waiting;
If after 7 years he now wants his freedom then it isn’t worth waiting around for someone who doesn’t want to be with you. I would be honest with him and explain to him that you can’t move out until August 1st. Regardless if he was living there first, your name is on the lease, so you have every right to stay until you can move out. Before you move out you need to make sure to transfer the lease under his name. You do not want your name on anything that you are not going to be connected to. Don’t wait around for him, move on and find someone better.
