The Question:
I spent four years living with a guy who started off wonderfully but cheated on me constantly because he said I wasn’t good looking enough (but I had a ‘beautiful personality’) and then left one day and never spoke to me again. He stabbed his next girlfriend while high. Then I didn’t date for ten years as I traveled instead. I met a guy who was shy, humble, sweet and kind – he tried to con me out of money and told me how ugly I am. He wouldn’t touch me during sex. I just feel all out of self esteem. Men look at me in the street, but I’m scared to let another man near me. Both started off so wonderfully sweet. None of my friends guessed their true colors. How can I get some self esteem?
My Response:
Dear Self-Esteem;
Self Esteem is something you have to learn, you need to be confident in yourself. Lets start off with your first relationship, the moment he cheated on you, that should have been a clear indication to ‘GET OUT’, then when he told you that you were not good looking but had a “beautiful personality” that should have been a hint that he was just not that into you and that he clearly didn’t love you. Thank the heavens that he never spoke to you again, you could have been the next girlfriend that was stabbed while he was high, this guy was obviously a LOOSER!! You didn’t date for 10 years because you traveled, Okay…traveling is absolutely fabulous but you could have dated a foreign guy here and there just to spice things up, but whats done is done and now we go onto Boyfriend #2…. He was shy, humble, sweet and kind you say but he tried to “CON” YOU OUT OF MONEY, and he told you that you were ugly??? Okay did he tell you were ugly first or did he try to Con you out of money first, either way these were clear signs that he was no good. Most con guys will act shy and sweet at first this is how they get you to believe they are nice guys, don’t blame yourself, that is why they are called “CON ARTISTS”, this can happen to anyone, unfortunately because you didn’t have a relationship for a long time and the one relationship you did have was a verbally abusive one you already probably showed signs of insecurity. Have faith in yourself, if you don’t believe in yourself no one else will. I know it is easier said than done, believe me, I used to be very insecure, I always felt all my girlfriends were much more prettier than I was, and I was too skinny and my legs were ugly and well you get my drift. However, I was always strong in my personality, I would never let a man put me down, if I thought those stuff about myself I sure didn’t need someone else thinking them about me too, I needed a man who would compliment me and love me for me. I went through a few relationships until I found someone who I can be myself around with. There are plenty of guys out there, don’t give up. Don’t worry about what men think and just worry about what you think about yourself. I learned that I was skinny but a lot of guys liked that, and I grew into my awkwardness and realized I was pretty hot 😉
Be strong, don’t ever let a man put you down, the minute they do, that’s a clear sign to “GET OUT”! Don’t give up though, there is always someone out there for someone.
xo
kristin nicole
