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Tag: children

  • Sex Talk with our Kids…

    Let's Talk About Sex – image by: google.com/images

    Today we have discovered that sex is not just a commitment or a unity you have between you and your partner but something most of us do just for the pleasure of it, or for fun, or even just to fit in. Sex has become a big part in today’s society, and we need to sit down with our children, talk about sex, talk about our bodies, and talk about the consequences that come with having sexual intercourse at such a young age. The subject of sex tends to scare off not only the parents of the teenagers, but the teenagers themselves. It is very important to keep communication open with your teenagers so that when they are faced with the issues of teen sex they feel they can come and talk to you about it. It is better for our teenagers to be able to talk to us about it then to get pregnant or catch a disease. “In 2009, 46% of high school students had sexual intercourse and 13.8% had four or more sex partners during their life. Prior to the sexual activity, 21.6% drank alcohol or used drugs and only 38.9% used a condom”.

    The Guttmacher Institute reports that the United States has the highest levels of teen pregnancy among developed nations. About 75% percent of teenagers have sexual intercourse before they turn 20, and only 15% report that they are still virgins until the age of 21. The Institute reports that teenagers before the age of 15 are having sexual intercourse and are reported to have more than one partner in a year. As a young child we tend to learn to express our affections and sensual feelings through activities such as kissing and hugging. These actions can have a strong influence on “the manner in which he or she expresses sexuality in later years”. (Crooks, 2010).

    Growing up my parents never really spoke about sexuality or anything of the sort. It was understood that this was an awkward subject to touch on. When I was young, I had to help take care of my sister, I was 11 when she was born, and this in time became my birth control. I saw, and I experienced how hard it was to have to take care of a child, and I only had to help take care of her, I did not need to wake up in the early mornings with her or late at night, and yet this was a constant reminder to always be protected when the time would come. My older brother did have the talk about sex and not only with my dad but with my mom as well. She spoke to him about the consequences of getting a young girl pregnant and the transmitted diseases you can get with having unprotected sex. My brother was given condoms and had the “sex” conversation. I on the other hand had to learn about my body changing and sexual intercourse through books, and through friends, and through school.

    The media shows us that sex is natural, that being sexual and being sexy are things of the world. We look at this and we find that young teens want to look like models; young boys want to be strong and fit. We do not look behind the camera and we do not show our children that behind the scenes most of these people are just like you and me, that being you is okay and discovering your body when you are ready is a life time of experiences. I took a sexual education class in my sophomore year in high school, I live in Texas and it was a requirement, we learned a lot about our bodies, how to treat ourselves with how society portrays us. We learned how to eat healthy and not become anorexic or eat too much and become obese because of depression. Understanding our bodies was important, and then we learned about sexual intercourse, the consequences of teen pregnancy and the actions you might have to face if discovering you had unprotected sex and now carry a disease that may or may not kill you.

    “Masturbation is one of the most common and natural forms of sexual expression during the childhood years”. (Crooks, 2010). This is true and yet as a young child learning about your body, this is why it is so important that as parents you speak to your children. As a young teenager, growing into puberty and learning about their bodies, they sometimes do not understand what is going on with their bodies, the sensations they feel, the excitement and when they discover masturbation, they may not know if it is okay to do it or not. HIV/Aids era has showed us that using protection when having sexual relations with a partner is very important. Although we learn that not only sexual intercourse is the reason behind these diseases “behaviors that put young people at risk for HIV infection include engaging in intercourse without condoms; using alcohol, cocaine, and other drugs that impair judgment, reduce impulse control, and thus increase the likelihood of hazardous sexual activity”. (Crooks, 2010). Teenagers aged 13-24 make up around 17% of those who received diagnosis of HIV/AIDS in 2008. Many teenagers do not understand the consequences that derive in acting as an adult, and that is why it is important that we talk to our teens at a young age.

    Sexuality and sexual issues never derived in my family. Double standard as Crooks also talks about is true. As a girl, sexual talk or conduct of any sort was unacceptable, and we did not talk about it. For my brother, they were proud he used his condoms and they not only discussed sexual activities with him but they also gave him condoms to protect himself. I was told that I better not come home pregnant; this defense mechanism parents use because they are scared to talk about sexual acts with their children is what scare children off. I know a lot of girls who got abortions because they felt they could not come home and tell their parents they were pregnant, they did not have time to think, they did not have the choice to make of whether or not they wanted to keep the child and they did not use protection because it was never frowned upon to ever talk about in the household. Lucky for me, I had my baby sister to keep me sane, or should I say scared out of mind that I didn’t want the chance to get pregnant, because I knew from an early age that using protection was the key to healthy and sexual relationship in the future.

    References
    Crooks, R. (2010). Our Sexuality: Cengage Learning
    Guttmacher Institute (1996-2011). From http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-ATSRH.html
    SADD Statistics, (2011). from http://www.sadd.org/stats.htm

  • Marriage on the Rocks Insecure and Possessive?

    The Question:

    I am 24 married with 3 kids. We have been married 6 years and she is 26. I want to know if I am wrong. I have been laid off of work (construction field) and my wife works. She works m-f from 6am-6pm. I watch the 3 kids all day all under the age of 6. When she comes home I would like to leave because they drive me crazy. I go to my homies house and chill there until about 12 in the morning. She always gets mad when I leave like I cant get out once in a blue moon she doesn’t but she always gets mad. She doesn’t let me use the car because it’s a stick and she doesn’t trust me with it and wont give me any money because she thinks I’m going to buy weed with it. I smoke at my friend’s house. She never believes me when I say imp going somewhere she checks my calls and gets mad if I dress real nice when I leave. She is controlling and possessive. I have not lied to her for almost 2 months so why is she still upset. Is she overreacting or am I? She is entirely too insecure…. Help

    My Response:

    Dear Home Dad;

    I’m going to be blunt, so don’t take offense. You need to grow up! You married young and have three children, but this is something you should have thought about before all of it happened, it’s too late now and you need to take responsibility. It’s okay to want a break and get some fresh air after being with the children all day, but at the same time you wife is working all day and bringing home the money, you need to do your part around the house if you aren’t working, and it seems that you are doing just that. However, I can understand her not wanting to give you money so that you can spend it on weed, if you are tight on money and she’s the only one working you shouldn’t be spending on something that you shouldn’t be doing in the first place. Going to your friends house almost every night until midnight is unacceptable,e you are married and although you are tired you need to spend time with your wife as well. I am sure that when she gets home from work she would like to spend time with you. If you don’t like staying home with the kids all day, then find another job. I know it’s hard out there right now but keep looking and I’m sure something will come up. You are still young and you have a lot to learn, but you are married and have three children, so it’s time to grow up and work on your family.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Screw You Cancer! – A story about a little girl

    SCREW YOU CANCER!

    Do you remember Madison Schafer I wrote about her and I still keep up with her progress with Cancer. Madison is only 2 years old and is still fighting Cancer each and every day.

    A new Story:

    I follow Madison’s recovery and with that I found Sierra’s story. A story that has been told by her parents. A story that many of us don’t want to see or hear but a story I believe that many need to know. Cancer is a word we don’t like to hear a word we think will never happen, but when you least expect it, there it is, facing you with the most difficult battles you will ever have to endure.

    Read Sierra’s story and help those other children in the world find a cure:

    SCREW YOU CANCER
    Written by: Gen Chamblee

    I used to see St. Jude’s commercials on TV and thought “I can’t imagine what those parents are going through.” All the kids had the same look to them. They were bald and had something in their eyes that said, “help me.” I never dreamed that my child would end up looking like one of those kids. I am guilty of being one of those people who says, “cancer won’t touch us, it won’t happen to my child.”

    The cemetery where my husband’s father is buried has a section called “The Garden of Angels” and when ever we went to visit his father, I never wanted to drive past that area because of how sad it made me feel that all of those children were gone. Again, I couldn’t imagine. Now my precious daughter is buried there.

    How surreal it is. It’s mind boggling how life happens.

    I still can not believe Sierra is gone. Some days I wake up and expect to hear her sweet, little voice in her bedroom. But then reality hits me that I will never see her face again. Never hear her voice, never see her smile, never give her kisses again. Cancer ripped her away from me. At night all I can do is lay there and replay the moment she passed over and over in my head. It’s in every way possible, complete torture.

    Every time I walk by her empty room, it feels like someone is stabbing me in the heart. I read about her and choke up. It is truly the worst thing that anyone can go through. She will forever be 2 1/2 yrs old. Her pictures on the wall will never change, and all I have are the memories in my mind.

    So many have asked me how I can start up a foundation so soon after Sierra passed? How could I go through pictures of her and sit down to write out her story? That I must be so strong to be able to do such a thing. You want to know how I did it? I’m not strong, I’m angry. Furious. I have never been so mad in my life at anything as I am at cancer. It messed with the wrong family this time.

    I want the world to know who my beautiful Sierra was. I don’t want another parent to feel the pain I feel. The agonizing, ruthless pain of losing a child.

    I have become a different person since January of 2010. I was introduced to the world of childhood cancer in the worst possible way. And now it’s my turn to do as much as possible to open the eyes of everyone who thinks it can’t happen to their child. Because guess what? IT CAN.

    Pumping pure poison into children’s’ growing bodies is appalling. But you know what? It’s one of the only choices you have when the Dr. says, “your child has cancer.”

    It’s so hard to fathom that only 3% of Federal cancer research money goes to childhood cancer. Neuroblastoma gets even less than that. Every single day 46 kids are diagnosed with cancer and 7 of them die each day. Neuroblastoma kills 1 child every 16 hours. And all we can get is 3%? Are you freakin’ kidding me?

    Why are people so hesitant to give? I donated to St Jude’s numerous times before Sierra was ever diagnosed.

    Cancer has no rhyme or reason. It doesn’t discriminate. Not one single person in this world is safe from it. It destroys everything good in this world, and it doesn’t care how old you are or how much money you have.

    I get so angry when I think about it. People don’t realize how prevalent cancer is among children. It’s a world that people don’t want to think about. But it’s time everyone wakes the hell up and opens their eyes. Kids do get cancer and kids do die from it.

    No one knows what Sierra went through on a daily basis.

    Imagine a little girl no heavier than 20 lbs, on a ventilator for 3 ½ months, receiving enough sedation to kill an adult, blood transfusions two times a day, endless x-rays, scans, and IV pokes. Close your eyes and imagine huge amounts of poison being pumped through her veins, and adult poison at that. We have children’s Tylenol and children’s Benedryl, but after all these years, there is no such thing as a children’s chemo drug. Then she went through 9 ½ hours of surgery to extract this horrible thing. She battled pneumonia, and terrifying blood infections. And let’s also mention that she coded on two different occasions. To think though, Sierra never made it to stem cell transplant or radiation. There were SIX pages of side effects for ONE chemo drug.

    These kids fight for their lives, and then have to worry that the cancer doesn’t relapse. If it doesn’t – they truly survived. But, it’s not over. Now every day for the rest of their lives, they have to counter act all of the side effects from treatment. And then on top of that, they still have to worry about secondary cancer. But you want to know what was truly amazing about Sierra and all of these children? They smile every step of the way.

    Childhood cancer is real people. You don’t want to have to learn about it the hard way like I did. You don’t want wait & be holding your child in your arms as they draw their last breath to wake up and fight back.

    It’s totally unacceptable.

    My child was not one of the lucky ones. And unfortunately, many of them aren’t.

    But are you ready to open your eyes? Are you ready to join me and say, “SCREW YOU CANCER?”

    You can see Sierra’s story Here and you can also visit her website Sierrayn.org to donate for a Cure for Cancer.

    You can also Donate to the following Organizations:

    Children’s Cancer

    St. Jude – Cancer

    Children’s Cancer Association

    These are just a few, help find a cure for these children. This story touched my heart, and although I normally try to donate once a year, it made me donate right then and there to St. Judes on the spot. A little goes a long way.

    My prayers go out to Sierra’s family and friends and to all those families who have to suffer every day through cancer. God bless

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    Please send this message out to others. It is so important for our world to be educated and help such a deathly disease. You don’t have to donate only to help, you can help in many other ways. Spreading the word is a start….

  • Separated after 20 years of Marriage

    The Question:

    I am going through a separation after 20 years of marriage?
    I am a man on disability, my wife wants to leave me at 55 years old and 20 years of marriage. We have 2 boy’s what am I going to do???

    My Response:

    Dear Disability;

    It isn’t easy and I know you did not say that this is why your wife is leaving you (but you brought it up and one has nothing to do with the other) so I’m going to say it… I am sure that your wife is not leaving you just because you are on disability. (Again this may not even be what you are thinking). Have you sat down with your wife and tried to make the marriage work, figure out why she is leaving you? Communication is key, if you don’t talk, you can’t fix the problem. I know it must be hard to be married for 20 years, have children and be on disability and then have your wife leave you, but it is not the end of the world. You still have those two boys who I am sure love you. Stay focused on the good, and try to find things that you can do with your disability to stay busy. There are tons of groups that you can join, and remember you still have those two boys and that is always going to be your family. Stay strong…

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husband and I want a child & a career…

    The Question:

    My husband and I want a child and a career, is it possible? We do not see a “perfect” time to have one due to age, finances, careers, ect. pls help! I am 31 and my husband is 37. I have 3 yrs to complete my nursing degree. He HATES his job, and will take the opportunity once I finish to change careers. Our money is extremely tight. My husband does not want to have children past the age of 40, and he already has a 5 yr old daughter. I wanted to be a stay at home mom when I had a child, but due to my husbands strong desire to change careers, I don’t believe that is possible. So, I will have to have a baby during nursing school or not have one at all. That sounds terribly stressful, however is it REALLY worth giving up my desire to raise a child with my amazing husband? I need some advice from people with children and those who chose not to have them. How did your decision affect you later in life? Thank you in advance for your help!

    ~Confused and frustrated~

    My Response:

    Dear Confused and frustrated;

    I don’t have children but I can tell you that all my friends who have them don’t regret not one moment about it. I can understand where you are coming from though, I am finishing up my Bachelors degree and I couldn’t imagine working full time, finishing school and having a baby right now, however, with that said, if your dream is to have children, then go for it. It might not be the way you always dreamed, but if your husband also wants to have a child with you then go for it. No one said life was easy, especially when you add children to the mix, but I have heard only good feelings come with it. Don’t put your career on hold or make your husband put his on hold, if you guys want to have a family and a career then go for it. You also need to sit down and talk to your husband, I understand he wants to have a child before he’s 40 but he needs to understand that you aren’t the same age and although he’s almost there, you aren’t. A few more years won’t make a difference, if you finish your education at age 34 and he changes his career then he can wait another year or two while he focuses on his career and then you can have a baby, he’ll only be a year or two older. Again I don’t know your entire situation, but if he’s not happy with his job now, I don’t see why he has to wait until you finish your nursing degree to change it. Unless you aren’t working and he wants to start his own business then I can understand this, but in the meantime he should think about just changing jobs/careers. He doesn’t have to quit his job right away, start looking for a new one, then leave once you have one lined up. Communication is key, talk to your husband and weigh all your options. If you really want a family together, I’m sure you can figure it out. Good Luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

    Confused and frustrated

  • My husbands abusive & I have a 4 mo. old baby…

    The Question:

    Help please Marriage problems……?

    So to start it off I am almost 20 and my hubby is 31 and I have a 4 month old baby and we have been married for 13 months. Our marriage is on the rocks we don’t have good communication we are always arguing everyday, I am not happy in this marriage my husband is CRAZY and when I say crazy I mean it; he is the most abusive person I have met. If I say anything he wont like he will go OFF and throw anything in front of him! He hits me in public, like just today he bashed me in the car while he was holding my baby girl and all I said was that my girl will choose what she wants to be when she grows up and I know it wont be something bad and he’s like no she will be a religious person she will be a religious lecturer and she wont choose I will! I am so fed up I hate his narrow minded thinking…..he tells me he loves me but does all this =/ I am sooooooooo belittled he says I am fat and to loose weight so that we can have sex! We haven’t done it for 10 months but sex is not the issue its his anger and narrow minded thinking I am soooo emotionally wrecked I feel like killing myself but then think of my baby girl and I cant leave this world and leave her with him! He wants this perfect wife who is slim beautiful and bows down to him who listens to everything he says and doesn’t say a word, he’s just kidding himself!!

    He’s changed my personality, my thinking, my mental state, and I have ZERO self esteem and no confidence and my family hates me and him they haven’t seen me in 3 yrs and I haven’t talked to anyone in my family for 2 years. I am going to go mental I don’t know what to do….

    Additional Details
    I am still trying to make this marriage work because I don’t want my baby girl to grow up without her dad. I didn’t have my dad half of my life and it sucked! Please help….

    My Response:

    Dear too young;

    You need to take a breather, and relax for a moment, what you are going through is something no person should have to withstand. Stop and think about not only yourself but the life of your daughter. You don’t want your daughter growing up with out her father, but do you think it’s okay for her to grow up with a father who abuses her mom and most likely will abuse her one day too? I know it wasn’t easy for you growing up without a father, but it’s better than growing up with one that is abusive. You need to have respect for yourself, don’t let him put you down and don’t let him abuse you any longer. Have the courage to pick up the phone and talk to your family, I am sure if you talk to them and let them know what is going on they will help you. If they don’t want to help (which I don’t see why they wouldn’t), then you need to be stronger than you will ever have to be for your baby. Get out of that marriage and save yourself and your child from more hurt and pain. It is never OKAY for a man to put his hands on a women and belittle her in front of others. You are still very young and you have your whole life ahead of you, take action and get out now.

    There are support groups for abused women and if you feel that you aren’t safe leaving, call the police, get the help you need to get out of that abusive relationship and save yourself and your daughters life.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • How do you keep the romance going when you have children in the house?

    The Question:

    How do you keep the romance going when you have children in the house? I would love to keep the romance going in my marriage, but it is a little more challenging since we’ve had a little girl (almost a year old). He’s away on business quite often as well, which makes it even more challenging… any ideas?

    My Response:

    Dear Romance;

    I know it’s hard because you are probably very tired since you are dealing with a one year old all day. However, just because you have a child in your house doesn’t mean the romance needs to stop. When your husband comes home from a business trip surprise him with dinner, put the baby down to sleep early and light some candles in your room and (well I don’t think I need to elaborate the rest) 😉

    If its a normal day, just make sure the baby is sleeping in her own room (I am not sure if the baby sleeps in your room with you guys, but if she does then that needs to stop.) A baby in the bed is what causes most marriages to have problems, sex is very important and you can’t let that flame die down. Spice it up, maybe get a babysitter and go out for the evening together, get a hotel for a few hours (if you can afford it), if you can’t, maybe act like a couple of teenagers and do some fun stuff in the car. When there is a will there is a way.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com