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Tag: communication

  • Advice Column: I don’t think I love my girlfriend anymore

    Advice Column: I don’t think I love my girlfriend anymore – Photo found on google.com/images

     

    The Question:

    We’ve known each other for nearly 6 years now and have been together for 2 of them. We pretty much live together as it is between her place and mine. Before we were going out I always wanted to be with her and I felt so strongly about her and loved her so much when we got together. But in the past few months I don’t feel like I love her anymore. I don’t want to be around her or talk to her.

    I understand that when your with someone for a long time you get your down time for a while but I’ve had these thoughts before. The longer we’ve been together the more I don’t want to be with her. The only thing is we’re 16/17 and I’m her second boyfriend, and I helped her through her first break up and I don’t want to hurt her the way her ex did. I just feel like sh*t when I’m with her. We were so much better when we were just friends. Anyway, please can someone help me out? I don’t want to hurt her but I don’t want to be with her anymore and I feel so much sh*tter [sic] when she mentions marriage and how her parents and family think we’ll get married cause I’m so good for her. HELP!

    My Response:

    Dear Young Love;

    Telling her the truth and not leading her on will be the first step. She will get hurt regardless because she loves you but in the end she will realize that you telling her the truth about how you feel is better then living a lie. You are super young, you guys are only 16/17 and you both have so much more dating left to do. I do not understand how her parents can possibly think marriage at your age, but don’t worry so much about everyone else and what they think, worry about how you feel. You do not want to pretend to be happy in a relationship and you do not want to lead her on into thinking that one day you will get married when you know deep down that will never happen. It’s hard and you are going to have to sit down with her and tell her how you feel. In the end even if she doesn’t see what a great guy you are by telling her the truth now, eventually she will. Don’t ever settle for someone just because you do not want to hurt their feelings. Relationships are hard and when one person wants to end it there is always one person who’s feelings will get hurt, but it’s better you do it now then later down the road. Staying with her longer and then telling her you don’t want to be with her will only hurt her more. Communication is key to any relationship and I think you will be a great boyfriend to another girl one day, but you have to think about you and you have to think about her. It’s not fair for her to keep believing you love her when you don’t. Tell her how you feel, and although it won’t be easy, you can finally move on and start dating other girls. Live your life, you are still young and have so much more experiences to live for. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

    (2011)

  • 5 ways to communicate better

    Communication is Key

    Relationships can be difficult. They can include a boyfriend and girlfriend, husband and wife, friendship or even a relationship between you and a family member. No one ever said relationships were easy, so how do we try to fix a relationship we feel is irresolvable? The number one rule to having a healthy relationship is simple but you have to be willing to meet the person half way. Are you ready to hear what it is? Communication! That’s right; it’s something we learn from when we were born. We learn to talk and ask our parents for things that we want; this is the first step into communicating your feelings. After that it should be a breeze, right? Many people do not know how to communicate properly, either they don’t know how to speak to others without being rude, they might be too shy to speak, or they might feel scared to tell the person they love how they really feel.

    Have you ever tried telling someone how you feel, only to find yourself speechless? This is normal, many people have felt this way and sometimes not saying anything at all, is worse than actually coming out with how you feel. If you don’t talk about your feelings, it is only going to eat away at you, and eventually it will only lead into an outburst of frustration, which will later lead into a fight. There are all types of ways to communicate your feelings; I have listed the top five ways I found it easier for me to communicate.

    Five ways to communicate your feelings:

    5. Write a letter or a note. – Don’t email the person or text; this is a little more impersonal. Give the letter to the person face to face so that they can read it in front of you, you can then later discuss what you are feeling, but the letter will at least break the ice with bringing out what you have been feeling inside. Trust me this works (this is actually how I started communicating better; it gave me the courage to really say what I felt on paper.)

    4. Choose the right time and place. – Sometimes we are scared the person we are talking to might retaliate and start screaming or acting a little crazy, so choose the right time and place to talk about your feelings. Don’t ever try talking to someone when they are having a bad day, they aren’t in their right state of mind and this may through them off, they might not understand where you are coming from because they are focused on their own problems at the moment. So make sure to choose the right time to talk. Choosing the right place can be essential too, if you want to make sure to keep things quiet, pick a place to talk where they can‘t get too loud with you. This will help keep both emotions inside and talk like two normal people.

    3. Think before you speak. – Sometimes we want to talk about how we feel right there in the moment, but this may lead into fighting, because we might just say things we really don’t mean. In the heat of the moment we are all guilty of saying things we don’t really mean, or we do mean them, but it’s just not the right way to say it. Before talking to someone, try going over in your head what you want to say, cool off a bit and then sit down calmly to talk about what you are feeling.

    2. Listen to the other person. – Sometimes we are scared to open up when the other person is talking to us. Listen to what that person has to say, if they are talking to you openly and telling you how they feel then push away the fear of talking back, take a deep breath and answer them back. More than likely it was just as hard for them to tell you how they felt, so don’t be scared to return the favor.

    1. Stop being scared about what the other person may be thinking and DO YOU. – What do I mean by ‘DO YOU’, well at the end of the day the only person who is going to be there for you, is YOU. Stop being scared to open up and tell the person how you feel. The worse thing that can happen is that it leads into an argument, but so what. We sometimes have to argue in order to figure out a way to fix things. If we never argued in the world, then life would be too boring.

    We can change the world with total communication ~Sharon Sullivan

    When communicating to someone how you feels starts to stress you out, stop and breath a for a second and remember that communicating is the only way to fix what you are feeling inside.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Would you be upset if your Husband…

    The Question:

    I had my nephews 10th birthday tonight and we had dinner at La Porchetta, with the family… so my husband and I and our 2 kids were invited. My husband didn’t come, and blew me off; went out with his mates to a poker game! He has NEVER done this! He ALWAYS comes to family dinners etc especially if he is not working and is home etc..
    I was more ANGRY but now I am just upset 🙁
    My kids are 3 1/2 and 6 months. My husband does work hard and has different shifts at work so there is issues about how much we see each other and family time etc… he goes away for work stays over nights etc and then comes back the next day or after; so my question is would you be upset if your husband did this? or am I overreacting???
    He didn’t forget about the birthday either; I told him and he was home when I left!! He just wanted to go play cards with his mates instead…

    My Response:

    Dear Upset;

    I would sit down with your husband and communicate to him how you feel. This was a family event; and even though it is not his kid and it is your side of the family, you are married, and these kind of events are the kind that you know you have to go to. He could go any other night to play poker with his friends. I would definitely have a talk with him and tell him how you feel. You have young children and maybe he is feeling overwhelmed and needed a break, but this is no excuse! Talk to him, and find out what is really going on…

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • No anniversary sex?…

    The Question:

    No anniversary sex. Was I wrong to expect a little action from my wife?
    Yesterday was me and my wife’s 1st anniversary. We went to church as usual. I’m a Sunday school teacher so I left before her. After church I go by the store to get the last few thing so I could cook her dinner. Money is tight because I am unemployed so I couldn’t afford to take her out or anything like that. I ended up going to two stores. By the time I got home she was there sitting in the bedroom watching TV or reading a book or something. I spend several hours prepping and cooking dinner. The whole time I may have sat down for about 10 minutes. When it was ready I fixed her plate as well as the kids. We sit down to eat and just being off my feet for that short time when I stood back up my feet were killing me but I kept going. I asked my wife if she wouldn’t mind cleaning up the kitchen and she basically said no because I use too many dishes when I cook. I spent several hours cooking dinner then it took me all of 15 minutes to load the dishwasher and clean the kitchen. Nobody said she had to wash them by hand. All the while my wife has left the bedroom maybe 3 times. She was still relaxing on the bed. After I got the kids in bed and go back to the bedroom me and my wife watch a little more TV then the next thing I know is that she’s hugging her pillow snoring. Let me clear this up. Our kids are teenagers and I just made sure they had their clothes ironed for school the next day and that they turned off everything in the other part of the house. I turn off the TV and that sort of startled her and she wakes up. We’re laying there in the dark and I’m waiting to see if my wife was gonna make any kind of move. She doesn’t. I mean, it was our anniversary and she literally had done nothing all day. What was she tired for? What she tells me is, “why don’t you go on to sleep!”. I then get up and as I’m walking out she asks me what the matter is and I tell her that if she hasn’t figured if out by now then never mind.

    Did she expect me to make the first move? I thought women likes if when a man took on more duties and chores and that gets a woman in the mood? I did all that work and she pretty much rested bur once the kids were in the bed she was too tired. You hear it all the time. A man with a vacuum is a turn on. I guess the problem is this. I typically do most of the cooking anyway so maybe that was really nothing special to her that I cooked yesterday.

    Was I wrong to expect some action on our 1st year anniversary? And ladies, don’t come at me like “well maybe she wanted you to just wait on her this time!”. I do the majority of the cooking in the house anyway.

    Was I wrong to expect sex or at least a little action from my wife?

    My Response:

    Dear House Hubby;

    Let’s start off with the fact that it is your one year anniversary but you have teenage kids? Technically it may be your one year anniversary but I am assuming that you have been together for much longer than a year since you have teenage kids together. With that said, an anniversary is an anniversary, and although you do not have a job at the moment and normally cook, she needs to appreciate the fact that you do a lot around the house and for the kids. You need to sit down with your wife and tell her how you feel. Communication is key and if you do not talk to each other then nothing is going to change. She may think it is okay for you to do everything since you are not working at the moment, but the fact that you cooked, she should have helped clean up and do the dishes. Especially since it was your anniversary and all. I know it isn’t right and I think that your wife should have maybe set something up in the bedroom while you were out there being the ‘house wife’; but you also could have just tried spicing it up in the bedroom; especially after you saw she was not about to do anything. Again, I really think this should have been her move, since she didn’t do anything else the entire night, so I can understand how you are feeling. Talk to your wife, just because you are unemployed at the current moment does not mean she doesn’t have to help you around the house. On another note: Your kids are teenagers, they need to start helping you around the house. You could have had your kids clean up the kitchen so that mom and dad can enjoy their anniversary time together. Find a way to find a balance in your life and in your relationship.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com