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Tag: daughter

  • I’m too involved in my daughters life and it’s taking me away from my son and husband

    Over Involved Mother – image by: google.com/images

    The Question:

     Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I am way too involved in my nearly 15 year old daughter’s life. It consumes me and my happiness seems to be dependent on how happy she is. I find myself getting too involved in social issues and give advice often before she asks for it. We have a great relationship and she tells me so much but I sometimes wish she didn’t. Lately I have lost sleep worrying about girl issues and boyfriend issues. She is extremely attractive and athletic and often suffers from jealous girls trying to knock her down. Lately these girls have been trying to turn boys against her and have succeeded to a point. She says it doesn’t worry her but I struggle to believe that. She says she is fine but I just can’t stop worrying and giving advice. I need to stop before I ruin the wonderful relationship we have had and she stops telling me things. It’s just that I know what can potentially happen and I am trying to protect her from it. Help me to stop as i am neglecting my 11 year old son and husband that is all that is consuming my thoughts. I am an educated person with a degree so I should know better! (Edited by: KN)

    My Response:

    Dear Over involved mom;

    I know it’s hard to not worry about your daughter, but you have already passed the first step of realizing you are too involved. You have to accept that your daughter needs to make her own mistakes and you need to try to let what she tells you not bother you. If your daughter is open with you and she is telling you that she is okay, you need to believe her and let her come to you if things aren’t okay. Start making time for mother and son day. I can only imagine that things in common with an 11 year old son may be difficult but try to see what he wants to do and start giving him attention as well. Also try to make time for a date night with your husband and talk to him about how you are feeling. If you don’t explain to him how you feel then he won’t understand what it is you are going through. If you talk to him then at least he will have a better understanding on what is going on with you. Remember communication is key, let him help you and get your mind off things. Remember teenagers will have ups and downs, that’s why it’s called teenage years, so try not to worry so much about your daughter. It sounds to me like she’s a smart girl, and she already knows she can come to you if she needs you. Start focusing on the good and don’t over analyze everything she tells you.
    Good Luck
    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Would leaving my 10yr old stepdaughter with my abusive husband be selfish?

    The Question:

    Would leaving my 10yr old stepdaughter with my abusive husband be selfish? I love her, she has been raised as mine and wants to come with me but taking her or even raising the desire to take her will open the door to the manipulation and disorder that I want to leave far far behind. My husband is an unmitigated narcissist who will withhold money, disrupt birthdays and holidays, tell hurtful lies, be violent or distant to me and the children anything that suits his current control needs. I can now leave all that but not if I have his daughter. But I know she will bear the brunt of all that if I leave her. What do I do?

    My Response:

    Dear Step-Mom;

    First things first, did you adopt his daughter when she was little? If you did not adopt her I am not sure if you have any rights to having full custody, but you can talk to a lawyer and see what your options are. This is a very difficult situation because you do not want to stay in an abusive relationship but you can not leave your step daughter with him either if he is abusive. Find a way to either take full custody or see if there is someone that can fight for custody of her. I think that there might be a way to file custody for her if you choose to be responsible of her since she knows you and was raised by you. You need to find this out first and go from there, but it is not healthy for either of you to stay in a house if he is being violent with you. I hope this helps, good luck and I would love for you to keep me updated, I am interested in finding out if you are able to file for custody. I looked up a few sites and a few say you might be able to but nothing concrete. As to your original question of being selfish if you leave your step daughter with your abusive husband, I have to say yes, I know it is a hard position to be in, but you raised her and she should not be left with him alone, either fight for her or you need to make the decision of calling child services on him. It is a hard decision but I think your best bet is to go to a lawyer first and find out your options. Good Luck!

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com