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Tag: divorce

  • Advice Column: Sexual Relationship with…

    Advice Column: Sexual Relationship with… – Image found on Google.com/Images

    Advice Column: Sexual Relationship with….

    My husband left me because he said he needed space and time for himself and wants to be free. I pretended to let him go because when we were together I suffocated him by being clingy and needy. We decided to remain ‘Friends with Benefits’ and act like before except we don’t live together anymore. [sic].

    I have two conflicting emotions on this:

    1. I don’t want to lose him completely and I’m happy he is still attracted to me and 2. It kills me that he doesn’t stay over. He said; “at least not yet because we have to get used to our ‘NEW’ set-up,” but it kills me more that I don’t have a husband anymore. He is having fun being free and all, while I cannot stop thinking about what it could’ve been for us. What should I do?

    My Response:

    Dear Friends with Benefits;

    Your husband left because he needed space, yet he still comes back just to have sex. He is having his cake and eating it too (like that the saying goes). You need to stop and communicate with your husband, either he is fully committed to this marriage or he is not, but he can’t keep coming around just to sleep with you and going back to his own place whenever he wants to. Do you know what he is doing when he’s not with you? Have you spoken about your relationship at all since the split? Is he dating other women? These are all questions you should be asking. Don’t let him just use you for sex, even if you enjoy it. If what you want is your husband back and you have realized you were clingy before and he doesn’t like that then you both need to work on your issues but it doesn’t mean that he needs to move out in order to fix things. In a marriage there is no break, there is no get my own place and there is no “Friends with Benefits”. You are MARRIED, you are his WIFE, not his Friend! Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. Get your marriage back on track and stop acting as if you were just dating.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com (2011)

  • Advice Column: I want to leave my Mom’s to live with my Dad

    Advice Column: I want to leave my mom's to live with my dad. Image by flickr.com
    Advice Column: I want to leave my mom’s to live with my dad. Image by flickr.com

    The Question: I want to leave my Mom’s to live with my Dad, how can I do this?

    I am 16 years old and was forcefully moved from my home with my dad about 2 years ago by my mom. She decided she wanted me to be with her and thus acted upon it. Since my dad is not excessively well-off, he couldn’t hire a lawyer, so I simply ended up staying with my mom. Try as I might, I cant adjust to my new school, make new friends, or genuinely be happy. My parents live on opposite sides of the country, and I have considered leaving (running away, if you will) to where my dad is. I ultimately want to know, if I get there, will I legally be able to decide that’s where I will live?
    ~ Running Away
    My Response:
    Dear Running Away;
    You can try to go talk to a lawyer that may do a pro bono job, (which means he will take your case for free). Or at least maybe give you some free legal advice. I do not know where you live and I am not a lawyer so I cannot give you advice as to what you can do, or what will happen if you try to run away to another country. More than likely they will just send you back home. If you want to live with your dad, you have to do it the right way.
    Have you tried talking to your mom, now that you are older? Have you tried reaching out to your dad? You are old enough to make that choice, and I would try talking to them first. If that doesn’t work you can always try talking to a lawyer or the courts and see what they tell you. It’s hard being a parent, just remember that your mom really loves you and probably only wants the best for you. I don’t know your parent’s situation so maybe your dad just couldn’t support you. It’s hard to understand when you are young, but be open and talk to them about how you feel. Maybe you will be surprised as to what they tell you.
    xo,
    kristin nicole
    I found this question on Yahoo.com

  • 26 years and no longer in love

    Twenty Six Years. Image found: google.com/images

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I am thinking about leaving my husband of 26 years. I held on hoping he would change, I held on for the kids, but now that our kids are older I just can’t pretend anymore. I don’t know how to tell him. Can you help me?

    ~Twenty Six

    My Response:

    Dear Twenty Six;

    It’s never easy letting someone know you want to move on from the relationship, but it’s even harder after so many years. I think you are making the right decision. You shouldn’t keep pretending to be happy, if you aren’t. Try to sit your husband down and explain to him that you are no longer in love with him. I’m sure if you have not been in love with him for a long time, that this is not going to be a total surprise to him. Either way it is not going to be easy, and he may be hurt. But at the end of the day it’s better for the both of you to move on from something that you aren’t happy with. Good luck

    xo,

    kristin nicole

  • How do I tell my husband that I want a divorce?

    The Question:

    I have fallen out of love with my husband. I’m no really in love with him. He just kinda … became a bore to me and I’m getting sick of him. Also he has gained a lot of weight over the past few years and I’m not very attracted to him anymore.

    I just don’t feel the same anymore as I used to. I’m ready to move on into the next chapter in my life. How do I tell the man that I want a divorce?

    My Response:

    Dear Divorce;

    Sometimes we fall out of love and that’s okay, it just wasn’t meant to be, but we usually fall out of love because of reasons other than he just gained some weight over the years, because weight can be changed. However, if you really are ready to move on and you are not happy, it is not healthy to stay in this relationship and it is better for the both of you that you move your separate ways. It is not going to be easy, but no one can really tell you how to tell your husband you want a divorce. You can either do it in the comfort of your home or you can pick a public place to tell him (just in case you think he might make a scene). Be honest with him and tell him how you have been feeling and that you want a divorce. (I would leave the weight part out, but that’s just me). There really is no easy way to do this, so you made the decision to move on, make that decision to get up and tell him how you feel. Good luck

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Would leaving my 10yr old stepdaughter with my abusive husband be selfish?

    The Question:

    Would leaving my 10yr old stepdaughter with my abusive husband be selfish? I love her, she has been raised as mine and wants to come with me but taking her or even raising the desire to take her will open the door to the manipulation and disorder that I want to leave far far behind. My husband is an unmitigated narcissist who will withhold money, disrupt birthdays and holidays, tell hurtful lies, be violent or distant to me and the children anything that suits his current control needs. I can now leave all that but not if I have his daughter. But I know she will bear the brunt of all that if I leave her. What do I do?

    My Response:

    Dear Step-Mom;

    First things first, did you adopt his daughter when she was little? If you did not adopt her I am not sure if you have any rights to having full custody, but you can talk to a lawyer and see what your options are. This is a very difficult situation because you do not want to stay in an abusive relationship but you can not leave your step daughter with him either if he is abusive. Find a way to either take full custody or see if there is someone that can fight for custody of her. I think that there might be a way to file custody for her if you choose to be responsible of her since she knows you and was raised by you. You need to find this out first and go from there, but it is not healthy for either of you to stay in a house if he is being violent with you. I hope this helps, good luck and I would love for you to keep me updated, I am interested in finding out if you are able to file for custody. I looked up a few sites and a few say you might be able to but nothing concrete. As to your original question of being selfish if you leave your step daughter with your abusive husband, I have to say yes, I know it is a hard position to be in, but you raised her and she should not be left with him alone, either fight for her or you need to make the decision of calling child services on him. It is a hard decision but I think your best bet is to go to a lawyer first and find out your options. Good Luck!

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • I don’t like it when my GF sleeps with her husband…

    The Question:

    How can I gently tell my Girlfriend that I don’t like it when she sleeps with her husband? She did it twice last week and I’m beginning to feel like she’s just using me. HELP
    ~Feeling Used

    My Response:

    Dear Feeling Used;

    Let’s start off with what is wrong with this question….. “I don’t like it when she sleeps with her HUSBAND”….. HUSBAND….. Husband and did I mention HUSBAND? She is married, of course she is going to sleep with her husband, she is having an affair with you and she hasn’t left her husband yet, that should be a clear sign to get out. Well the first sign was the fact that she was MARRIED. The second sign is that she hasn’t left him for you and she is still sleeping with him. Find a woman that isn’t married, a woman that you can be with without hiding it from people, and a woman that will want to be with you and only you. Good luck

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Is it wrong to feel this way about my wife?

    The Question:

    Me and my wife dated 7 months, got married, and now we are almost married a full year. We almost got divorced 2 different times, one was a week ago. She has a bad emotional past (family divorces, alcoholism in two fathers) and we don’t share much in common, we were attracted to each other sexually very much, and developed a friendship and evolved into love. Lately it hasn’t been good, past few months have been crappy. When it gets good though, I always seem to wish she would be this girl I have in my head, who wears dresses all the time and is extremely feminine and sweet. My wife never wears dresses (it sucks!) and is more “country” than “feminine city girl”. I knew this going in, but now I just wish she would be like that. What do I do? Is there a real girl out there to fulfill this need of mine or maybe just stick with my wife, who I have a relationship with and shared many memories with? I just don’t wanna miss out on anything in life. Sometimes it sucks because I like video games and good movies and she hates games and likes one type of movie. Also she always seems too “sick” or “hurt” to do anything or go anywhere fun. She is on meds for Arthritis and a couple other things. (we are both 22 years old). She also has self esteem issues, she is codependent on others too. I wish she was independent. She has had many jobs but quite them all for various reasons. any advice?
    ~Too Young

    My Response:

    Dear Too Young;

    It sounds to me like you got into this marriage way too fast. If you love her, try talking to her about how you feel, try perhaps marriage counseling. If you are staying with her just because you feel bad and you aren’t truly in love with her then maybe the best thing to do is go your separate ways. You are both very young and you have so much left to do in your life. If you don’t have any kids this is the easiest divorce that you can have, just split what you have and move on. There are many other women out there that you can have more in common with, next time though, don’t get married so quickly and really get to know the person you are with. No one is ever going to like the same things 100% of the time, but each person has to be willing to try and do the things their partner likes. If you love your wife, try talking to her first, maybe she would be willing to wear dresses more often and watch a different type of movie every now and then, if she really isn’t willing to try and you just aren’t in love with her anymore then you have a decision to make.
    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • It’s been 12 years & NO SEX!

    The Question:

    What do you do when you’re really sick of being married?
    I’ve been married 12 years, but my husband and I have never had sex. He can’t. He doesn’t even try anymore (he never really did). We separated for 4 years because of it. People say he must be gay… We got back together a few months ago because I felt divorce is a sin…And sit or get off the pot, ya know. But nothing’s changed. I thought I could deal, but now I don’t know. What’s worse, he’s dirty and messy. He doesn’t shower or brush his teeth enough. I look at him and think Ick. I’m turned off but still don’t want an eternity of celibacy. Sigh…I really don’t want to hurt him. But I’m only 38 and I’d like a normal sex life.

    What can I do?

    My Response:

    Dear Celibate;

    I normally say try to work out, communicate with him what you need, but 12 years is a long time, why you stuck it out this long is beyond me, and why you married a man that wasn’t at all affectionate or intimate with you is also beyond me. You said you have never had sex with your husband? I am not sure what to say about this…. He either has issues with his member or he is in the closet, but why he would stay in a marriage where neither of you is happy is again “BEYOND ME”…. I know you think divorce is a sin, but you are still young, and no one should live in a marriage where they aren’t happy, where they are celibate from their own marriage, you are missing all the fun, all the intimacy moments to have with your spouse, to share and love and grow. You are still young, you need to move on, get out there and find a man that knows how to satisfy your needs. You need to LIVE, we only live once and life is too short to stick around someone you aren’t even happy with. Like I said I normally say try to work things out if you love him, and communicate, but this looks like a lost case (12 years) is a long time, it’s time to get off the pot like you said, and move on! Love yourself and find a man that will love you back.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My wife is cheating on me via web cam…

    The Question:

    Discovered My Wife has been on the web cam with some man over the past several months?
    Over the last Year, My wife has been acting very strange. Her temper has been very erratic. She has been evasive with me. Pushing me away when I try to get her in the mood. I don’t know what’s gotten into her. I knew something was up with her. I knew that she had been talking to another man, I know this next part was wrong of me. But the other night she went out with her sister and some friends. I got on her laptop and guessed her password. On the first try I got the password correct! I was able to see her ” Voice Call History” And found out that since April 15th 2010, she has had about 30-40 Voice ” Web Cam” Sessions with some other man from Ohio! How do I go about confronting her with this? The Web Caming happened usually around 4-6AM, sometimes in the early afternoon. The last time she was on the web cam with him was over 4th of July while I was out at a company BBQ, I’m so upset that I feel like I’m going to punch a hole in the wall. I cannot read the actual emails back and forth because she has deleted them all.

    How should I go about confronting her over this? I just don’t understand why she would be this stupid. I found photos of the guy she was doing it with and he’s some Young, Punk. Guy looks like he’s in his early 20’s. My wife has on her profile that she’s 28 years old when she’s actually 41. Imp just Furious!!! What should I do?

    My Response:

    Dear Web Cam;

    Your wife can be going through a midlife crisis of some sort, or perhaps just is not happy in your marriage. This doesn’t excuse what your wife has done. I would confront her and talk to her. It’s not going to be easy and you have to be prepare yourself to hear things you might not want to hear. You are going to have choices, you can either talk with your wife and seek counseling to try and keep your marriage alive, or you can take some time off and think about staying in a marriage that has been full of lies. No person should have to go through what you are about to go through and what your wife is doing is inexcusable. I don’t think you really need someone to tell you what to do here, I think you already know what you need to do, but you might be a little scared to confront her. Having to hear the truth about what you have been suspecting is never easy, but you have to face the truth and move forward.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answer.Yahoo.com

  • Really unhappy, is it time to move on?

    The Question:

    I’ve been with my husband for 10 years married for 4 and we just fight everyday. The romance is gone, we fight about things everyday and I know to a point these things are normal but I’m sick of it. When I explain how much things he says upset or offend me he just doesn’t get it! I’m so frustrated all I want to do is leave!! Any advice would be good!! He’s a good person but I am just not attracted to him anymore. How do you get those feelings back once they’re gone?

    My Response:

    Dear Fighting all the Time;

    Fighting all the time is not normal, so let’s start with that. Second – Sometimes if we fall out of love there is really nothing we can do to make it better. Have you tried sitting down with your husband and talking about how you feel? The only solution I can give you is to TALK! Communicate how you feel, and try to see if you can stop fighting all the time and rebuild your relationship. If you guys have tried working it out and it is still the same, then there is always marriage counseling. If you tried marriage counseling and you are both still miserable then maybe you have to look at the options. Either stay in a loveless marriage and be miserable fighting all the time, or move your separate ways. Communication is key, without talking you won’t figure it out on your own. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com