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Tag: divorce

  • Am I impatient or should I divorce?

    The Question:

    I know that I’ve been very lucky. I sold my business a few years ago and have a nice sales job. I’m in my mid 40’s. My family and I live in the Northeast and we were never really affected with the housing bubble or anything. We have a nice nest egg in the bank and, at this point, we could sell our house and pay cash for a condo in Florida or South Carolina near the beach. But my wife doesn’t want to because she’s close to her family up here. Our kids are grown and I’m ready for a change. It’s really creating a rift between the wife and I but I’m not looking forward to another winter here. Please, any advice. I think, in the old days, I could just say “we’re leaving here woman” but, apparently, that didn’t work with my wife. Divorce is on my mind. Any advice? Am I impatient or should I divorce?

    My Response:

    Dear impatient;

    Divorce is a huge step. You don’t divorce just because you disagree on where you want to live, are you sure there isn’t more behind this story as to why Divorce is even on your mind? Do you think moving to Florida or South Carolina alone would make you happier? Have you tried talking to your wife and explaining to her how much you really want to move. I know she will be away from her family but explain to her that you guys can come visit often, or perhaps keep the house and buy a condo in Florida or South Carolina just for the winters; maybe this will work better for you, instead of moving completely away from her family. Try talking to your wife, if you love her try to work things out. Divorce shouldn’t even be on your mind and if it is, you need to really think about why you feel this way. I don’t think that it’s just because she doesn’t want to move….

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • I had a baby with my wife’s sister…

    The Question:

    How do I win my ex-wife back after having a baby with her sister?
    Before you judge me I would like to say that yes I was wrong. 4 years ago me and my wife were pregnant with twins, her sister came over to stay in Germany with us for 3 months because my ex-wife wanted her here. When my wife was pregnant she was cranky, tired and resisted sex and didn’t want me near her. She kept pushing me away. When her sister came about 2 weeks into her stay, by mistake we kissed, and when my wife went to work we ended up having sex a lot. We ended it but 4 weeks after we did she was pregnant with my baby too. I regret everything I’ve done because my ex-wife was so good to me. When I told her what happened she left me and returned home to her own country and I never got to meet my children which was very unfair. I waited and thought she would come back but when her nine months were up I knew she wasn’t going to return. With her sister I am seeing the child. My wife is back in Germany at the moment because her sister told me and I’ve also seen her and my twins and they have grown up so well and I can see she has brought them up well but I want to be in their lives. How do I ask her to let me at least say hi and that I’m their dad? is there anyway I could win her back? I really love this woman and we never arranged a divorce? What I did is a complete mistake but she never got a divorce. She cant hate me then if she hated me why not get a divorce?

    My Response:

    Dear Remorseful;

    First of all – You kissed her by mistake? You don’t just accidentally fall and kiss someone and you don’t accidentally have sex with someone, let alone your wife’s sister…. Second… Yes; You made a huge mistake, the ultimate mistake. Not only did you cheat on her, you cheated on her with her sister and not only did you cheat on her with her sister you had a baby with her sister. If this woman took you back, I would say you were the luckiest man in the planet. I agree that although you made your mistakes that you should at least be allowed to see the babies. You need to first sit down with your wife and apologize for all that you have done, let her see that you are truly remorseful for what you have done to her and that although your relationship may never be the same you want to be a good father to your children. She probably hasn’t gotten a divorce for a few reasons, one she can’t afford it or two she just can’t bring herself to do it yet. Just because she left doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you. You cheated on her while she was pregnant with her sister and got her sister pregnant too. I don’t know how she forgave her sister, because you were both wrong in what you did. Communication is all you have here, try and talk to her and at least be in your children’s lives, but don’t expect to get back with your wife. Do this for your children and your love for them. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Could this be my husband cheating?


    The Question:

    I had just had my baby girl 3 weeks ago. the day home from the hospital my husbands ipone got a text message, I picked it up it said ” are you ok tonight” I asked him who it was he said he didn’t know and looked and did something with his phone, then put it down and walked away..then it went off again and it said ” No worries I will just call you tomorrow 🙂 “I asked him “what did you say or write back” he said he wrote nothing.. if that were the case why would they have written him back saying no worries they would call him tomorrow..he then said “Fine, I put a question mark.” My gut dropped I just knew it was a women.. lucky I remembered the number case he erased the phone and said it was by accident that it erased, I am guessing he didn’t reallt want me to see what he really had written back. I called the number from his phone, she answered and I asked why she was texting my husband, she got all snotty and said she was looking for Sara; that she had the wrong number.

    Its been bothering me for weeks now and I was trying so hard to believe him and move forward until yesterday, I was in the car and he went into the bank, a text came up on his phone saying: “As the days go by I thought it would be easy for me to keep my mind off you because I’ve been so busy, I was wrong.”

    I started to shake as I reconized the number from 3 weeks ago,
    when he got in the car he said NO WAY someone is playing a joke on me.. I would never cheat on my wife and kids never.. I was crying in tears a mess, I just wanted to go home; he dropped me off at home and got in his car and went somwhere, I had his phone with me..
    then comes back 25min later. 20min after that the texts come back with a diffrent tune saying things like hey sara I will see you tomorrow etc.. almost like he found a way to call her from a payphone and have her re-direct her messages to through me off. I don’t know what to do here, is this cheating? We just relocated here and he works accross the boarder this is where she is calling from so she is not from Canada. We relocated here for work and it’s been a nightmare I just want to leave. I haven’t eaten in days because of the stress.

    Please, I have no one to talk to about this no family or friends…I have 4 kids and dont know what to do please no rude comments I just couldn’t handle them right now…
    I am not an over weight women I am 120lbs 5″6 and have never said no to sex with my husband. I have never turned him away either.
    Please let me know your thoughts and thank you :”(

    p.s He tells me I am so wrong that he has no idea who this is, he has cried and told me he hates that I am feeling like this that he doesn’t want to lose his family and kids over somthing he is being accused of doing that isn’t true. He tells me he just wants me only me and has no time for anyone else.

    I am so upset I don’t know what to think here. I need advice..

    His phone is a work phone ipone 4 so I can’t see his bill and he erases most things off his phone most likely before he gets home. He has never given me a reason to not trust him for the past 10yrs but since he relocated here 5 months before we did and was living in a hotel, while I was 5hrs away with the kids trying to sell the house to move here so we would all be together. This is when all this happened, where he was working before I never ever in a million years questioned him, now I do and I hate it. I hate what this job and move has cost us there is no trust now, and before this I found out he had lunch with a girl that was a temp at his work and she was not working there anymore and he went to lunch with her 2 times, I found her number and freaked she told me he was promising her a job and he would hire her back on full time, they had lunch and talked about plastic surgery not work. He was even texting her and asking her to pick any day and he would make himself available for her even willing to meet her half way so she didn’t have to drive all that way ” for poor little old me” is what his email said, she said nothing happened, but why did he go out of his way to hide this from me? He’s 42 she’s 26 and I’m 31, I feel horrible and now I have this gut rot feeling in my stomach, I hate it. Was his intentions more then just lunch and work?

    My Response:

    Dear Stuck in Lies;

    You have two different situations under his belt…. I know he might deny it again but sit down with him and tell him how you feel, tell him to stop BSing you, that you have seen the texts and emails. He can’t deny it any longer, stick with your gut feeling, usually our gut feelings are pretty right, and I know it completely sucks but you deserve to know the truth. I hope for his sake that he is telling you the truth, but you already saw that he emailed another women and supposedly it was over a job, even if he wanted to try to get her job back, why the lunch? Now you have seen more then once a text from another women. This all sounds a little fishy to me, and I would want to know the truth myself. I normally wouldn’t say to hire a private investigator because I truly believe in trusting your spouse, but the fact that you have seen the texts more then once and also the email with another women I would say if you really don’t know if to trust what he says and you have no physical proof then you can always hire a private investigator to follow him, I don’t know your financial situation or how much a private investigator might cost, but it is definitely an option you may want to think about. Again I normally don’t go that route, I would first say to sit down with your husband and try to get the truth from him, once you talk to him then you will have to decide what your next step is, however you said that he has denied it and even cried to you that he would never cheat on you and the children, so I am not sure how much more you can keep talking to him about the same subject. It is NOT okay if he is cheating on you and I know that it is going to be hard road, especially since you have 4 children together, but you have to think about your children and yourself and how you want this relationships to be. Is it worth pretending he isn’t doing anything and living a lie, or finding the truth and making a decision you may not like? At the end of the day I think you won’t be happy until you know the truth and you know what to do from that moment on. It isn’t going to be an easy road but you are not alone, their are many women that have struggled through similar situations, I know that doesn’t make it any better but I hope you know that this is not okay and you need to be strong. Talk to your husband and then decide what you want to do from there.
    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Should I tell my fiance this before we get married?

    The Question:

    My policy for abuse is that if he tries to or does hit, push, etc then I’m absolutely done, no second chances, I’m getting the marriage annulled the next day. I have just been through too many shitty, abusive relationships and I don’t want him to be ‘just another asshole with a temper’ (as my mom says it, haha) He hasn’t ever hit me on purpose before. During our worst fight ever we were talking really loudly at each other and he came towards me really quickly with his arms open. I freaked out and blocked with my arms. He was just trying to give me a hug but I’m just SO cautious about that kind of stuff. Should I sit him down and like have a serious conversation about it or just say something when something on the news about spousal abuse comes on?

    My Response:

    Dear No Abuse;

    It doesn’t look to me as if your boyfriend is abusive, you said he has never hit you on purpose before though? Does that mean he has hit you before? Then you said the worst fight you had he was going in for a hug but you got defensive. You definitely have some things you need to get over, I know it’s hard not to take your past into new relationships, but if your fiance is a good guy, and has never hit you then you need to trust that he won’t. I would definitely open up to him about your past and how you feel on the situation/subject. It is important for him to know what you have gone through and why you are sometimes defensive. I am happy that you have gotten out of abusive relationships and have realized that those type of relationships are no good for you. You seem like a strong women, I would definitely talk to your fiance about what you have gone through in the past, explain to him that you just want to make sure your relationship is in a good place that nothing like that would ever happen. Don’t make him feel like he may do that one day, he might get defensive, especially if he has never shown any type of abuse towards you, if he has shown abuse, then you should definitely sit down and talk to him, and you might have a few things to think about before getting married. Never take abuse from anyone, the person you are with needs to love and respect you. There is nothing wrong with telling your fiance what you have gone through, and this may make your relationship stronger, it is always good to share with your partner the struggles you have had to overcome in life. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Should I cheat on my wife if she cheated?

    The Question:

    Should I cheat on my wife if she cheated?

    My Response:

    Dear Two Wrongs;

    Two wrongs don’t make a Right. If your wife cheated on you then there are other options you need weigh in. First have you talked about it? Communication is key to any relationship, and this is not something that should be ignored. Two if you have talked about it and you have decided to forgive her then cheating on her is not a way of forgiving, nor will it make things any better. If you feel you can’t forgive her or trust her again then the only option I can think of is Divorce. Find yourself a divorce attorney and get out of a marriage you aren’t happy in. You deserve a wife that won’t cheat on you, and you need to either fix the marriage or get out.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • How come my Husband doesn’t divorce me even though he is living with his girlfriend?

    The Question:

    How come my Husband doesn’t divorce me even though he is living with his girlfriend?

    Me and my husband separated a year ago because he cheated on me, and he believes that I have cheated on him (I really haven’t). Now he is living with one of his ex-girlfriends and she asked him to call me & tell me that he wants a divorce. This hurt me really bad because I still love him very much. Then he secretly calls back saying that he will never divorce me and that he will always love me. What does that mean? I wonder if he still loves me and wants to work it out someday in the future… any men have similar stories or might have an idea what he may be thinking?

    My Response:

    Dear in DENIAL;

    I’m sorry if I am going to be blunt, but WAKE UP!!! He cheated on you and now he is living with an ex girlfriend, what more do you want him to do in order for you to realize that he is a looser? You deserve more then that, you deserve someone who will love you and not cheat on you, and please do not say that your husband truly loves you, because if he did he would have never cheated on you, and if he did he wouldn’t be living with his ex-girlfriend right now. Your husband is manipulating you, he has the best of both worlds; a wife at home waiting for him and a girlfriend who he gets to sleep with and live with. In other words… your husband is having his cake and eating it too…. I know….cliche metaphor but it is what it is. Don’t let him walk over you and stand up for yourself; if you want to make your marriage work tell him but honestly the trust is so broken that it is probably going to be a very hard road ahead of you to even try to fix things between the two of you. Respect yourself enough to not take such emotional abuse and Love yourself enough to know that you DESERVE BETTER!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on <a/ href=”http://answers.yahoo.com”>Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Separated after 20 years of Marriage

    The Question:

    I am going through a separation after 20 years of marriage?
    I am a man on disability, my wife wants to leave me at 55 years old and 20 years of marriage. We have 2 boy’s what am I going to do???

    My Response:

    Dear Disability;

    It isn’t easy and I know you did not say that this is why your wife is leaving you (but you brought it up and one has nothing to do with the other) so I’m going to say it… I am sure that your wife is not leaving you just because you are on disability. (Again this may not even be what you are thinking). Have you sat down with your wife and tried to make the marriage work, figure out why she is leaving you? Communication is key, if you don’t talk, you can’t fix the problem. I know it must be hard to be married for 20 years, have children and be on disability and then have your wife leave you, but it is not the end of the world. You still have those two boys who I am sure love you. Stay focused on the good, and try to find things that you can do with your disability to stay busy. There are tons of groups that you can join, and remember you still have those two boys and that is always going to be your family. Stay strong…

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husband cheated on me with an 18 yr old…

    The Question:

    What do you do when you find out your husband cheated on you?
    I just found out a couple of weeks ago that my husband cheated on me twice with the same girl, a couple of weeks apart, three years ago. We were going through a serious rough patch, having only been married a year, fighting a lot, and I was being stupid and threatening to leave him. He was only 20, and I was 23, and we had a couple of friends that used to come over and hang out at our place a lot, one of them being this 18 year old girl. I thought she and I were good friends, I treated her like a little sister. I found out that she was infatuated with my husband, took advantage of the fact that he was afraid I was going to leave him, and , seduced him with a little alcohol and the whole I’m here and she is not. After the second time, he started distancing himself from her and the other friends, and eventually kicked them out altogether, me none the wiser. He has lied to me about it for 3 years, never telling me because he was afraid of losing me. Should I let it go or not?

    My Response:

    Dear Cheated On:

    Cheating is never tolerated, and even though she threw herself at him, he still had the power to say NO! With that said, men are also weak, this does not mean that what he did is okay by all means, but the fact that he distanced himself from that group and that girl shows he was A. Trying to avoid you finding out or B. He felt really bad and didn’t want anything to do with that group. Either way, he did what he did (although you were having problems at the time, again it still does not excuse what he did), but seeing it in a man’s point of view, I can see why he leaned more towards this 18 year old girl who was throwing herself at him. He was and still is very young, and mistakes are made. I would not condone him cheating and the fact that he hid this from you, but if he really loves you and you really love him and he never did it again with her after that (3 years ago) or anyone else for that matter, than it really is up to you if you can forgive him and move on. The big question is: Can you ever trust him again? If you can trust him and let this go and work on your marriage then do it, if you are going to throw this in his face and be angry with him about this all the time, then there are some hard decisions you may have to make down the road. I think you should definitely communicate about this and tell him how you feel, don’t hold anything in. You deserve someone that won’t cheat the first sign of trouble. He may be sorry but can you forgive him?

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Renew our vows or tell him I don’t love him?

    The Question:

    My husband and I are supposed to renew our wedding vows in a few days but I am not in love with him anymore.? I am actually thinking of filing for a divorce. My husband is really making a big deal of the vow renewal thing, and has already paid for plane tickets for guests to come. We are supposed to have a big party afterwords, sort of an anniversary party with family and friends. He has invested a lot of money in it. Should I just wait until after everything is over before telling him I want a divorce, since he’s spent so much money already?

    My Response:

    Dear Renewing your Vows;

    You should have been honest with him before he spent all that money planning to renew your vows, now with that said, it’s too late, but it is better to tell him before hand than to wait afterwords, there may be a chance for him to get some of the money back on a lot of things. Your husband is probably going to be heart broken seeing as he is the one planning this, but do you really want to stand in front of family and friends and renew your vows to a man you no longer love? How can you live that lie? Step up and tell him how you really feel, he may not appreciate it now, but trust me, it’s better to tell him now than after the renewal of your vows. That is so much worse, he will feel like you really lied to him then, standing in front of everyone and looking him in the eyes only to be saying words that you really don’t mean. Step into his shoes for a minute, and how would you feel? Tell him the truth now, and hope that he can get some money/refunds back.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • What would I have to do to get a divorce?

    The Question:

    What would I have to do to get a divorce? My wife cheated on me after two months of getting married, I know that is not love involved so please don’t hit me up side my head (I know what she did was wrong), please it took me some time to come here an ask for help I’m a good guy and I don’t deserve this. Please can anyone help me… (Modified question to make sense)

    My Response:

    Dear Married for 2 months;

    There are two options, if you want a divorce you can file it yourself by going to the courthouse in your area, and asking them what the process is to file for a divorce, (if you have been married for only 2 months you may be able to annul the marriage, which is easier and cheaper to do). If you have to get a divorce and you don’t want to file it on your own you can consult a lawyer. Get a few price ranges and whoever is best, if the two of you don’t have anything under your name together and no children then it should be fairly easy to get divorced. Sorry to hear that your wife cheated on you so soon after marriage, no one deserves that, just be happy you found out now rather than 10-20 years down the road. Get divorced and move on, you deserve someone who won’t do something like that to you.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com