Just another WordPress site

Tag: ex

  • Is it appropriate if I write a letter to my ex-girlfriends daughter?

    The Question:

    My ex-girlfriend hates me and will never speak to me again, but I just had a dream where I bumped into her and her 7 year old daughter and the daughter ran up to me crying and hugged me. I woke up sad, and I would like to write the daughter a letter, just telling her how much I miss her. Is this appropriate? Should I write the letter or not? I do not have any ulterior motives like trying to get back with my ex-girlfriend or anything like that. Any advice would help. Thank You.

    My Response:

    Dear Dreamer;

    I know it has to be hard to not see your ex-girlfriends daughter anymore, especially if you came to really care for her. With that said, she’s only 7 years old, and although writing a letter is nice, she may not understand it, also, the mother will see it first and if she’s as angry with you as you say she is, more than likely she will just throw the paper away and not even show it to her daughter. Unfortunately when people get into relationships with people with children and it isn’t their child, we develop feelings as if they were ares, but the problem is, if the relationship does not work out, the child is left without that person in their lives and you are left with an empty feeling of guilt. I do not know what happened between your ex and you, but you are going to just have to move on. Children are very resilient to what is going on around them, don’t make it worse by making the mother more angry. It’s hard, but you have to let them go.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Is it a good sign that he did this?

    The Question:

    My boyfriend and I were in an on and off relationship for almost two years, but a couple of months ago, we decided to break it off and haven’t spoken since.

    A couple of days ago, I saw that he had been to my LinkedIn profile – and he is not a connection, since I started the account after the last time we broke up.

    Does this mean that he might be thinking of me? Am I right to think it’s a good sign?

    My Response:

    Dear LinkedIn;

    LinkedIn is used for professional reasons, perhaps he was thinking of getting one and just wanted to see your profile, just because he was looking at it doesn’t necessarily mean he was thinking of you to get back with you or anything. You also said that it was a mutual decision to break up, so why the wondering about your ex boyfriend now?

    I also don’t see how you know he looked at your LinkedIn? Perhaps the question here goes beyond the fact that he might be thinking of you. I say let it go, if he hasn’t tried to contact you directly then move on. You broke up for a reason right?

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My bf wants to get married but I don’t…

    The Question:

    Dear kristin nicole;

    I am going through a huge dilemma in my life right now. I am 23 years old ( Indian girl ). I have been in a relationship with this guy for 4 years. ( it’s long distance) for the first 2 years everything was fine, for the last 2 years, we have been facing problems. He is very possessive and insecure,he gets mad at me and it’s very bad, he loves making a big deal out of nothing and when I talk to my friends about it, they get so surprised about the fact that someone can be as insecure/jealous and as possessive as him. I get so scared every single time when he calls me. Every time I he calls I feel like it’s to have another fight with me.

    The only reason why I’m with him right now is that he blames me for not doing anything in his life for the past 2 years, and I feel obligated to stay with him. He stopped working when we were having problems, and now he has to start everything from scratch. He blames me for that and because of me he is not as successful as he is suppose to be ( he is 28). While on the other hand, I didn’t let these fights affect my career, so I didn’t waste any time.

    He is not as out going as I am, he is not as talkative/social as I am, he doesn’t have as many friends as I do, so he expects me to be like him; not go to any b’day parties..or clubbing…or hang out with any of my guy friends…

    My question is: is it right to blame myself that he didn’t do anything over 2 years? I never asked him to just stop his life!! In those 2 years, we didn’t talk at all for 6 months, so technically I wasn’t a part of his life for 6 months, he still didn’t do anything over those 6 months, and now he tells me that just because I hurt him so much with my arguing he cant focus on anything else, he only accepts things which he likes and doesn’t want to listen to my suggestions/opinions/likes/dislikes…

    Am I going to ruin my life by staying with him? He wants me to talk to my parents about marriage, but I really don’t feel like getting married. I am not excited at all about anything in this relationship, and I don’t even know how our future is gonna look like.

    On the other hand one of my best friends told me he likes me, he has supported me in every single step of my life, I respect him a lot. He makes me smile, he doesn’t expect anything in return, he knows about my complicated relationship with my boyfriend and I think I like this friend of mine. He is one of the most decent/caring guys out there and he has everything I ever wanted in a guy. What should I do?

    My feelings for my boyfriend died a year ago…. 🙁 but now he insists that I talk to my parents about marriage.
    Please help me!!

    ~from: a girl in dilemma~

    My Response:

    Dear a girl in dilemma;

    Let’s start with you staying with this man just because he chose to not work for 2 years. How in any way is this your fault? If he is blaming you it’s because he doesn’t want to blame himself for his life going down the drain. In no way is it your fault that he hasn’t worked, that doesn’t even make sense. We all make choices in life and he chose not to work and to not find another job. He is 28 years old not 18, he’s a grown man and it’s time for him to grow up and take responsibility of his own life. It is obvious to me (and you stated it: “my feelings for my boyfriend died a year ago”) then there really is no question here as to leave him or not. I think you already made the choice a long time ago, now you have to stand up and tell him how you feel. He may not let you go easily but you need to be strong, this is your life, and life is too short to keep wasting it with someone that you don’t love. You don’t live together and you have nothing together so it should be fairly easy to end things. Again he may not let you go that easily, if you aren’t getting along and he’s still proposing marriage then he obviously is in denial over your relationship. DEFINITELY, and I mean Definitely do NOT get married to this guy, you said it yourself “I really don’t feel like getting married”; you know the answer to ending this relationship, now all you can do is actually end it. Your boyfriend cannot force you to marry him, end things now, don’t waste anymore time being with someone you already know you don’t want to be with.

    As for your good friend, you can be having feelings for him just because he’s there for you and it’s comforting to have a man understand what you are going through since the relationship you are in is not healthy. I am not saying that these feelings aren’t real, but just take it slow. First deal with the relationship you are in right now, then take time for yourself to evaluate what you want in life. Take it slow with your friend and see if you really want to be in a relationship with him or if you want to just continue staying friends. If you see that you both really like each other then go for it, give it a try, but remember sometimes relationships can ruin friendships if it doesn’t work out, so just make sure this is what you really want before going into it.

    Remember you are the only one that can change your life, you are the only one that can move on from the relationship you are in and start living it with someone you actually love.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Is there hope after love?


    The Question:

    “I don’t love you any more” I will never forget the day my wife told me those words…we have only been married for less than a year and been together for two years before that but it still felt like my my whole life was falling apart…people tell me I’m lucky we had no kids or that it happened now instead of 20 years down the road but that doesn’t seem to take away from the fact that I love her more than any thing…to be told your not loved by the person you built your world around will knock you down and I’m finding it very hard to get back up. I’ve moved away and I’m starting a new job but my hart seems to be stuck in the past, I still love her even thought I know there is no real hope of us ever being together again. I’ve started drinking which I never do but it seems to be the only thing that takes away some of the pain if only for a few hours; anyway this is not really a question its just me asking for others story of hope and recovery from losing love. Please tell me how you got over your loss of love and that’s its going to get better…right????

    My Response:

    Dear Lost Love;

    Being told by the person you think you’re going to spend the rest of your life with that they don’t love you anymore is heartbreaking, world shattering news. It’s like a train runs you over and you can’t move. A brick wall is standing in front of you and you don’t know where to go. Truth is, even though it hurts right now, and even though you feel like you will always love her and only her, time passes and does heal all wounds. It is true what people say, it’s better now that you didn’t have kids together, it’s better now than 20 years down the road after you lived half your life together, it’s just better now. This is true, but it doesn’t mean it’s going to make you feel better about the situation. You have to think though, did you want to stay in a marriage full of lies, filled with someone you loved so much but doesn’t love you back in return? Don’t you think you deserve to be loved the way you love them? There is no big secret about how to move on, there is no “do this”; “do that”, and you will get over it. Everyone is different and we all move on in different ways. As for your drinking, if it’s to try to make the pain go away, then that’s a problem, drinking doesn’t solve sadness, it only increases it. If you are noticing that you are drinking more, than you should be able to control it. It’s not easy moving forward when you thought you already had your life planned out with someone, but this is a new beginning, you have a new job a new place a new life…Think positive, I know it’s hard, but I promise, things do get better.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Need help regarding my BF’s Ex…

    The Question:

    My boyfriend of two months just told me that his previous girlfriend is actually one of his good friends that I knew about. He apparently took a long time to get over her. They hang out as a group a lot even after they broke up and remain as good friends that contact each other frequently. She even told him that she liked him again but he said that he was too confused as she had cheated on him.

    She’s very pretty and outgoing, like him, but I’m an indoors person and I don’t share many interests as him. I keep feeling like he should be with her, so I keep hinting to him that I wouldn’t mind if they got back together again. He tells me he loves me everyday, but I just feel so insecure.

    How can I stop feeling this way??

    My Response:

    Dear Insecure;

    First if you are trying to push him to be with his ex, then what is the question here? If you love this guy be with him, if you don’t feel that you have a future move on. If he’s confused then he needs to sort his feelings out and figure out what he wants. There are some ex’s that can remain friends, but I think it puts a strain on the new relationships. I do not think it’s fair for you to have to feel comfortable with them talking all the time and even hanging out, especially after she’s told him that she still has feelings for him. You need to make a choice, sit down and stop feeling insecure, talk to your boyfriend, and if he loves you, you are going to have to trust that what he’s telling you is the truth, and if you feel you can’t trust his feelings, then you will have to make a choice, whether to stay with him and see where it goes or move on now and be with someone you have more interest in common with.

    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com