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Tag: husband

  • How do I convince my husband?

    The Question:

    Well every time I want to do something nice for him example…give him a good massage after work, buy him a gift, do something that I know he will like he thinks that I have some hidden intentions or that I want something in return for the things I do. I tried numerous times to explain that I do it because I love him, I want him to be happy, that there is no hidden meaning / ulterior motives behind my actions but he is so doubtful!!
    What can I do to remove those unfounded doubts which kills me! I wonder..who wouldn’t be happy to have a good head, foot or back massage after work?

    My Response:

    Dear Massage;

    I have to agree with you on this one, I am not sure who wouldn’t want a massage after work, with that said have you tried having a serious conversation with your husband when it comes to him feeling this way? Try sitting with him and talking to him about how you feel and why you like to be attentive to him. Have you always been this way through out your relationship, or is this something you are all of a sudden doing? If it’s something new, it may explain why he feels you are being this way to get something out of it, if you have always been this way then he should know this is how you are and that there are no ulterior motives. If this is the case, then maybe there is something more behind him not wanting the attention. Have things changed recently in your relationship? Has he been acting weird in anyway besides not wanting attention? These are all things you should look into and ask yourself. If nothing has changed and this is your only worry, you have two choices. One – Talk to your husband and tell him that he makes you feel bad when you are trying to do something nice and he thinks that it’s only because you want something in return. Or Two – Don’t offer to do nice things anymore and see if he misses them afterward.
    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husband is an infidel?

    The Question:

    My husband told me that he had swayed a little but was still in love with me. He used to send 20 sms everyday continuously to her before he came home. When we found out her number he said that he had stopped all that. But he still keeps his mobile with him all the time. Gets alarmed whenever there is a call and deletes all the messages and call history before coming back home. Should I trust him?

    My Response:

    Definitely sounds like you already don’t trust your husband. If you already caught him sending messages to another women in the past then this is unacceptable. You need to sit down with your husband and ask him to be honest with you, it’s the least that you deserve. If you want this marriage to work you need trust, and if the trust isn’t there you are only going to drive yourself crazy with wondering what he is up to. I do find it a little strange that he is always deleting call history and messages, if there was nothing to hide, then why delete it? I think deep down inside we know when something isn’t right in our relationships, but we question it and we fight it because we don’t want to get hurt, but the truth is we are already hurting by not being able to trust the person we are with. Communication is key, if you can’t talk to your husband and be honest with your feelings then nothing is going to be resolved. Sit down and talk to your husband, if worse comes to worse, I don’t recommend it but you can always check the call history on your phone bill. If you have to stoop to that level though, then your question is already answered.

    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My girlfriend left me after 5 years…

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    My girlfriend of 5 years just picked up and left. I love her but I don’t understand her. She wants to get married and I am not ready for such a commitment. I do want to spend the rest of my life with her, but I don’t know that I want to marry her. My parents were divorced, there parents were divorced and I don’t see why you need to get married in order to start your life together. How do I get her back, how do I convince her that I love her but I don’t know if I’ll ever want to get married? Please Help…

    ~Don’t Want to Get Married

    My Response:

    Dear Don’t Want to Get Married;

    I think your girlfriend has every right to leave you. You have been together for 5 years and you are telling her that you aren’t sure when you want to get married. Women want to grow and have a marriage and family and if you aren’t that guy then just let her go. Knowing that she wants to get married, you have a choice to make, either overcome your fear of marriage and get the girl you love and want to spend your life with back, or let her go and find someone who doesn’t want to get married. There are still women out there who don’t want to get married and living in a girlfriend/boyfriend status is fine with them, maybe this is the type of woman you need to look for. If you really love your girlfriend and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, then what is the big deal of not wanting to get married? Sure some marriages fail, but you won’t know until you try, besides just because your parents didn’t last doesn’t mean you won’t last with your girlfriend. Do what you feel in your heart, but don’t hold on to her if you know what she wants is marriage and a family and it isn’t something you want. If you can’t picture your life without her, then perhaps marriage isn’t as bad as you think it is….

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • My husbands is upset over another woman

    The Question:

    My husband liked a girl before our wedding. She also liked him back but they could not pursue a relationship. He didn’t tell her that he was engaged at that time and now that he is married.

    She recently told him she is getting engaged and he was upset afterwards and started to ignore her when she tried to talk to him afterwards purposely. He then had tears in his eyes why? He stares at her sometimes when she is around, what does this mean?

    My Response:

    Dear Wife;

    You need to sit down with your husband and talk to him. If he married you, I hope it was because you loved each other. As for this other woman I am assuming he had some sort of feelings for her. Maybe they had a relationship before that you don’t know about, because I do not see why he would get teary eyed for a woman that he never dated. If they never dated and never were together then why is he so upset? I would definitely sit down and communicate with your husband to see what is going on. Communication is key to any relationship and you aren’t going to get answers just sitting back and assuming what is actually bothering him.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husband cheated on me

    The Question:

    My husband cheated on me 1 1/2 years ago and then I found out…
    He broke of all ties with his mistress. A couple of days ago we drove past her. The road was busy so we were driving slowly. He did not think that I noticed but when we went past her he stared at her, and for at least 5 seconds. When we went round the bend he looked back again. What does this mean? Or is it nothing to worry about? Was it just curiosity? I mean he said he made a huge mistake and dislikes her very much. Why look then? I think she saw him. What would happen after such a long time if she decides to text him or something? Men aren’t interested in old mistresses long after, right?
    Additional Details
    Not sure if this matters, but we are both 43 and she is 31 and very pretty.

    My Response:

    Dear Denial;

    Don’t be naive, you are a grown women, and your husband cheated on you. This wasn’t some teenage “I messed up and cheated moment”, you are married and he betrayed your trust and your love. Sticking in a marriage after such a betrayal is 100% your decision, but don’t be naive and think that he is absolutely over this women or that he hates her somehow, or that men do not go back to their mistresses and cheat again. There can be many reasons why he ended things with her, one he was caught (you found out), and he realized that he doesn’t want to loose you so he ended things with her, two she ended things with him and you found out about the affair and he wants you to believe that he’s the one who ended it because that would make it so much more powerful and more trusting to believe than if she ended it or it just ended and seeing her that day brought back memories. It doesn’t necessarily mean him looking at her will make him run back to her, or her to him, or that there are any feelings still there, but it could mean that he did feel something and he was thinking about her. Either way, it’s not good, your husband cheated on you and the trust is no longer there. You have to either let it go and keep moving forward (if you aren’t planning on leaving him), or get out (have respect for yourself) and don’t allow him to cheat on you again.

    I think the older we get we tend to hang on, because it’s so much easier than starting over at your age, but no age is ever to late to start over with. Respect yourself, love yourself and talk to your husband about how you feel. If you want things to work then the two of you need marriage counseling, you need to talk out your feelings and try to work on it, if you can never trust him, it will never work and you will live a life full of lies. What do you want?

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husband doesn’t want to have sex anymore…

    The Question:

    We have been married for 4 years and I am 25 years old and he is 28. I am sure my husband is still in love with me and tries to spend time with me as much as he can, and he is not cheating on me. But there is no sex drive between us anymore, the reason he gave for not showing interest in sex is that he’s got other ambitions to think about and he is not really into the sex any more.

    He was very passionate a year ago, and we had this financial instability for a while and since then it is changed. He cuddles with me and does everything just like in our newly wed days, but its been 3 months since we had sex… can anyone give advise other than going to therapist?

    My Response:

    Dear No Sex;

    If you don’t want to seek counseling I would recommend you first try to COMMUNICATE this to him. Sit down with your husband and tell him that you need to talk about the situation that you are in. Having other ambitions does not drive a man to not want to have sex, something else must be going on here. He is only 28, and I know many men at that age that are still driven as if they were 16 year old boys. 3 MONTHS is a long time, speak up and tell him what you want and what you need. Cuddling is cute and all but at the end of the day intimacy is so much more, and without it in your relationship things can go from good to bad. If you don’t think he is cheating on you, then find out what else it could be. You said that he mentioned he just wasn’t into the sex anymore? What is that about? How can a man not be into sex anymore, he’s only 28 for goodness sakes (Speak up because this is just not a good enough excuse). Most relationships where the man is not having sex can lead to a few different things (not necessarily cheating but it could be an option), he’s stressed over work, (and or you mentioned you had financial problems before) and maybe he’s still stressed over this and it is not totally fixed, this can make him a little too pre-occupied to think of anything else, or he is having some type of difficulty in the bedroom area and he doesn’t want you to know…either way which ever reason it is, it would need to be taken care of. So sit down and talk to your husband, don’t take the “I have too many things on my plate” excuse, we all do, but being together and working together in life is part of marriage.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Is my husband cheating ?

    The Question:

    I checked out our cell phone bill the other day, my husband and I share. He has multiple text messages from a co-workers # (female) back and forth for a couple of hours for several days. They texted on days and hours they are working, but when he is home or off they don’t text. Am I overreacting ? HELP ME…

    My Response:

    Dear Overreacting;

    If the texts are only coming in through out the day and working hours then it is probably work related. They don’t text after or on weekend so it probably isn’t a big deal. Unless you have proof of a certain text then don’t stress too much about it. If you feel that something may be going on then confront him and ask him why his co-workers text him so much. (But I wouldn’t make a big deal out of something that probably is nothing), I wouldn’t look too much into it, unless he’s doing other stuff to make you think that it may be more than just work related. Trust is a powerful thing in a relationship, so trust him and keep moving forward.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husband hurts me when he rejects me

    The Question:

    How do i tell my husband he hurts me when he rejects me?
    I’m 37 weeks pregnant and I know that sex at this point wont hurt the baby, only possibly encourage labor. The doctor has given the go-ahead and even recommended it. Four months ago my husband says that sex with me “isn’t the same”, which makes me feel so unappealing and fat that I cry almost constantly. It’s been so long and I know I have to wait at least 6 weeks after the delivery to have sex. It hurts me to think that the one man who should always be attracted to me just isn’t. I don’t know how to talk to him about these things because I don’t want to hurt him. He has always tried so hard to make me happy. I know he masturbates almost everyday and I also know he’s not thinking about me when he does, how do I confront him about this? I really need help!

    My Response:

    Dear Feeling Rejected;

    I know it’s hard but maybe your husband is just feeling a little awkward about having sex with you when you are almost ready to give birth, and even before that, it’s strange for some men to enjoy sex when they know their child is inside the mother. Some men do not know how to handle it or go about it and so it may feel like he is not attracted to you but maybe he just does not know how to proceed with the current “situation”. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel, and tell him that you want to have SEX! Don’t be ashamed, you are not fat, you are pregnant, and once that baby comes you can get back into shape and be your self again. Don’t worry about hurting his feelings, you are the one pregnant with your emotions everywhere, if anything maybe he is scared to hurt your feelings, so tell him how you feel and remember don’t ever be ashamed to talk to your husband, I am sure he loves you very much.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husbands abusive & I have a 4 mo. old baby…

    The Question:

    Help please Marriage problems……?

    So to start it off I am almost 20 and my hubby is 31 and I have a 4 month old baby and we have been married for 13 months. Our marriage is on the rocks we don’t have good communication we are always arguing everyday, I am not happy in this marriage my husband is CRAZY and when I say crazy I mean it; he is the most abusive person I have met. If I say anything he wont like he will go OFF and throw anything in front of him! He hits me in public, like just today he bashed me in the car while he was holding my baby girl and all I said was that my girl will choose what she wants to be when she grows up and I know it wont be something bad and he’s like no she will be a religious person she will be a religious lecturer and she wont choose I will! I am so fed up I hate his narrow minded thinking…..he tells me he loves me but does all this =/ I am sooooooooo belittled he says I am fat and to loose weight so that we can have sex! We haven’t done it for 10 months but sex is not the issue its his anger and narrow minded thinking I am soooo emotionally wrecked I feel like killing myself but then think of my baby girl and I cant leave this world and leave her with him! He wants this perfect wife who is slim beautiful and bows down to him who listens to everything he says and doesn’t say a word, he’s just kidding himself!!

    He’s changed my personality, my thinking, my mental state, and I have ZERO self esteem and no confidence and my family hates me and him they haven’t seen me in 3 yrs and I haven’t talked to anyone in my family for 2 years. I am going to go mental I don’t know what to do….

    Additional Details
    I am still trying to make this marriage work because I don’t want my baby girl to grow up without her dad. I didn’t have my dad half of my life and it sucked! Please help….

    My Response:

    Dear too young;

    You need to take a breather, and relax for a moment, what you are going through is something no person should have to withstand. Stop and think about not only yourself but the life of your daughter. You don’t want your daughter growing up with out her father, but do you think it’s okay for her to grow up with a father who abuses her mom and most likely will abuse her one day too? I know it wasn’t easy for you growing up without a father, but it’s better than growing up with one that is abusive. You need to have respect for yourself, don’t let him put you down and don’t let him abuse you any longer. Have the courage to pick up the phone and talk to your family, I am sure if you talk to them and let them know what is going on they will help you. If they don’t want to help (which I don’t see why they wouldn’t), then you need to be stronger than you will ever have to be for your baby. Get out of that marriage and save yourself and your child from more hurt and pain. It is never OKAY for a man to put his hands on a women and belittle her in front of others. You are still very young and you have your whole life ahead of you, take action and get out now.

    There are support groups for abused women and if you feel that you aren’t safe leaving, call the police, get the help you need to get out of that abusive relationship and save yourself and your daughters life.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My wife cheated on me years ago, now she’s emailing old Bf’s…

    The Question:

    My wife cheated on me years ago, then I caught her emailing old boyfriends recently…It has been a rough 20 years of marriage. Her family is a bunch of crazy lunatics that have caused so
    much chaos in our lives and also caused it to her brothers family. I know her family bad mouths me to her all the time.My question is: by their constant badgering of her did they cause her to forget her vows and if she has done this so many times and her family is so negative about me then why is she still staying here?

    My Response:

    Dear Blame;

    Stop blaming your wife’s family, your wife’s crazy family has nothing to do with her actions. Your wife chose to cheat on you and she is now choosing to write emails to her ex boyfriends. I can understand that dealing with a crazy family isn’t easy and it doesn’t help the situation if they are bad mouthing you to her all the time, but she has been with you for 20 years for a reason, and if her family hasn’t broken you up by now, it is more than likely that isn’t the reason your marriage might be having problems now. Stop looking at her family and focus on your relationship with your wife. Sit down and talk to her, find out what is going on and why she is emailing her ex boyfriends. Truth be told, after she cheated on you years ago, that should have been a huge sign to get out. Someone who doesn’t respect the person they love isn’t worth staying with. With that said, you stuck it out and you have made it this far, if you really want to save your marriage find out what is going on with your wife, if you feel she may be cheating on you again, then you need to find out the truth and you need to make a choice on what to do here. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com