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Tag: husband

  • Losing the people we love…

    Life’s struggles:

    In life we lose the people we love, sometimes something as simple as a breakup and other times something called forever. We live our lives not realizing that tomorrow is not guaranteed and we take advantage of the people we love. Sometimes we don’t even get the chance to tell them we love them because we had a petty argument. This week I’ve seen a bosses dad pass away, a friends mom and the faith they hold inside, that things really do happen for a reason.

    In the end…

    It’s inevitable to avoid the fact that one day we are going to lose someone we love. Whether it’s our grandparents, our parents, our spouse, and some people lose people they never thought possible, their children. We don’t know why things happen and we don’t know why we have to lose the people we love and go through that pain, but it’s a pain that no one can truly explain, even though at one point in our lives we have all felt it or we are going to feel it one day. Life doesn’t teach us how to deal with losing someone we love, it doesn’t teach us how to cope or how to keep living our lives without them, we just do.

    The day comes…

    The day comes when we have to feel that pain, we have to cry and we have to grieve and we have to keep living without the people we love. This is why it’s so important to not take advantage of the people you love, make sure to tell them you love them and make sure that no matter what happens you are there. For that one split second in time when your life stops, when your heart stops, we grieve for the person we lost, and we hold that sadness inside of us in which we hope will only make us stronger and we continue to live our daily lives without them, because the world doesn’t stop for us, the world doesn’t let us cry on it’s shoulder and it doesn’t let us understand why things happen for a reason. Sometimes we ask why? but there never seems to be an answer, and we keep moving forward. Life stops for no one, so don’t stop living, don’t stop believing and don’t stop telling the people you love that you love them, because at the end of the day, the world keeps moving forward, we keep moving forward.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Advice for living with a depressed person?

    The Question:

    My fiance is a manic depressive. We were engaged for 5 yrs, had a son. I was working full time 70 miles away from home, he was unemployed, staying home with the kids. The unemployment made him feel worthless and he stopped doing things around the house, was down 24/7, snippy, grouchy, etc. It got to the point where I left the house at 4am for work, got home at 6pm, and had to cook dinner, do laundry, bathe the kids, etc. I tried to help him, talk to him, love him. Nothing worked. He wouldn’t go to counseling because he didn’t have insurance, and he wouldn’t let me pay for it. After about a year or so, I couldn’t take it any more. I told him to move out. He left with nothing. He had no where to go. I felt horrible, but I felt like I had to do it to keep MY sanity and give my kids a good life. Flash forward. For the next “single” year of my life, I saw my ex-fiance at least 4 days a week. He would come to the house to see the kids, but he would spend most of his time telling me how much he loved me, how he had changed, and how he wanted his family back. He even admitted himself to a mental hospital for a few weeks and got on some meds. I am a pretty stubborn, independent woman, but after a year of this constant barrage of love and adoration, I gave in. I don’t want my kids to come from a broken home. My parents were married for 35 yrs before my dad passed. I thought I could make it work. It’s been 2 months. And about a month of that has been him being very insecure and depressed and just, well, weird. I am seriously considering just giving up. I don’t think I am a strong enough person to deal with an illness of this sort. He stopped taking his meds again because he doesn’t have insurance at his new job. I feel like a horrible person for not being able to deal with all this. I am afraid he will hurt himself if I make him leave again. His side of the family doesn’t really help him out, they don’t ever seem to see how serious things are. I guess I just need advice/opinions/and I’m sure I’ll get some haters.

    My Response:

    Dear Caregiver;

    You are in a hard position, because you have kids with this man I can understand not wanting them to grow up in a “broken home”, however with that said, is it any better for them to see their dad depressed all the time and acting the way he does and seeing you upset about it? It’s a hard decision and you have made it before, but I don’t find it selfish of you for thinking about yourself and your family before thinking of him. You can’t babysit him and if he can’t take control of his illness and find a way to take the medication to stay stable then there may be no hope for the two of you. Talk to him and explain to him that he needs to figure out how to get the medication or he needs to leave again. I know many people may find it selfish of you, or as if you were giving up, but sometimes we can’t control things in life, and we can’t fix them. You are an independent women and you will be fine; give him your support as a friend, and if you are truly madly in love with him, try to find a way to work things out, if you are staying with him just because of the kids, then re-evaluate your relationship and find a way to either stay together or move on. Living in a home with someone who is constantly depressed, insecure and so forth isn’t healthy for the children either, and don’t you think that is almost the same thing as a “broken home”?

    They will still have their father in their lives, and you will still be there for him as a friend, but you cannot stay with someone just because you feel bad for them. Live your life too, you deserve to be happy.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Why does my wife no longer seem interested in sex?

    The Question:

    I am a devoted husband and father. I certainly help around the house, pay a substantial portion of the bills, and spend a lot of time with the children. I also keep myself in above average physical condition. I feel that everything is fine except our sex life. I try to be romantic (flowers/dinner), tell her how sexy she is, but my advances always seem to be met with opposition. This has gone on for about 3-4 years now. I’m not sure long I can accept a once a month or longer sex life.

    My Response:

    Dear Substantial Husband;

    You need to be open with your wife, maybe there is something going on with her that you don’t know about, and if it’s been 3 to 4 years of this, it’s time you get some answers. I know life gets busy and we all get tired, but once a month is unacceptable. Sex is an important part of a relationship and if you are doing all the right things (which it sounds like you are), helping around the house, being with the kids, staying in shape and being romantic then I really don’t see a problem here. Sounds to me, that your wife isn’t happy about something and the only way to find out what is going on is to straight out ask her. See if someone can take the kids for the weekend and sit down and talk to your wife about what is bothering you, a marriage a relationship is doomed with out communication, if you don’t talk about it now things won’t get better. It’s already been 3-4 years….don’t keep waiting to ask her what is wrong, and try to fix it and get that flame going again.

    xo
    kristin nicole

  • My husband hit me but I want him back…

    The Question:

    Me and my husband of 6 weeks got into a big fight and he put his hands on me.I went to the cops and he’s in jail. I want to drop the charges on him; I love him and we’ve been together for 6 years what should I do? Am I stupid to want him back?

    My Response:

    Dear Abused;

    You aren’t stupid, it’s natural to want someone back that you love, and sometimes we try to find excuses for the people that hurt us. Unfortunately it starts with putting his hands on you once and asking for forgiveness, stating he would never touch you again, then it goes into him hitting you again and making you feel like it’s your fault. It’s never a persons fault for getting hit, because no one ever deserves that kind of abuse. You did the right thing by calling the cops and I know it’s hard because you just got married, but you have been with him for 6 years, has he never once in that time placed a hand on you? Some men don’t become abusive until after they get married, because they feel it’s harder for the women to leave them. It’s ultimately your choice here on whether to drop the charges or not, personally, I think any man who hits a women deserves to be in jail and more. If he’s never done this before, offer marriage counseling, and anger management classes and go from there, but if this is something that has happened in the past, and you keep coming up with excuses for him and saying you love him and feeling bad for putting him in jail then STOP! You are worth so much more than that, you deserve someone who will love you so much they would NEVER lay a hand on you. Respect yourself enough to not get treated that way.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husband cheated…

    The Question:

    My husband cheated .. should I see it as a free pass?

    My Response:

    Dear Free Pass;

    If this is a question you have to ask “is it a free pass”, then more than likely you are looking for that free pass to get out. It’s not so much of a free pass, but self respect, someone shouldn’t stay with someone who is cheating on them. If you have been looking for a way out, then definitely take this as your “free pass” to get out. Don’t use it as the only excuse though, if you were looking for a free pass, there was obviously something there that you already wanted out on.

    If you are talking about having a free pass to cheat, then no I don’t think it’s a free pass. Two wrongs don’t make a right, and if you are only going to be cheating on each other then there is no true relationship there, you might as well just get out now, and be with whoever you want to be with. There is no such thing as a “free pass”.

    Good luck.

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husband is too shy!?

    The Question:

    He gets worried when we go out, and just avoids people. If someone asks him a question or tries to start a conversation, he can’t speak and gets nervous and upset.
    He seems to be getting worse over the last few weeks. We stayed at his cousins house last week and he was to shy to ask where the bathroom was so he waited fourteen hours until we got home. What can I do?

    My Response:

    Dear worried;

    This is more than just being shy, have you guys gone to a therapist or a doctor to try and see what the problem is. There is something bigger here than just being shy. Your husband is a grown man and he waited 14 hours to get home to go the restroom (and he was at a family members house)? This sounds a bit too much to me. As for when he goes out with you he avoids people, perhaps he has a social anxiety problem where he doesn’t know how to control it and therefore gets nervous and rambles on when talking to others. Has your husband always been like this? Talk to your husband and see when this all started, then talk to a professional and try to figure out what you can do together to make it better.

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Newly married & cheated on

    The Question:

    I just found out my husband is cheating on me, he keeps denying it and yet he keeps telling me he’s sorry. I’d been suspecting for a while and now I have proof, when I confronted him, he denied it and he kept telling me he’s sorry, I’m so sad because I love him very much and what I don’t understand is we’re newly married, is he fed up of me already? I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know if I can forgive him and move on.


    My Response:

    Dear Newly Wed;

    Have you showed your husband the proof so that he can’t deny that he is actually cheating on you? This is a hard situation to be in and no one should have to go through what you are going through, especially so early in your marriage, but with that said, it is better to have found this out now rather than 5 or 10 years down the road. The trust is broken and it is very hard to get that back after someone has cheated on the relationship. I say show him the proof and move on. It isn’t going to be easy but you deserve so much better than someone who is telling you they love you, married you and then cheated on you. Life is too short to stay with someone who would hurt you like that.

    Don’t blame yourself for his actions, it isn’t something that you did wrong, unfortunately men just think with the wrong head. It doesn’t mean that he loved you any less, but it does show a lack of respect for you and your marriage. You deserve a love that won’t cheat on you.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Found out husband of nearly 20 years cheated on me when we were dating?

    The Question:

    I’ve been married for nearly 20 years and I just found out that my husband cheated on me when we were dating with one of my friends for a short while. He says this was the only time he has been unfaithful and that he regrets it and he wishes it never happened. He sounds deeply sorry but I have no idea what to do. I am completely devastated and heartbroken but he is the love of my life and we have 4 children together.

    My Response:

    Dear 20 years;

    This isn’t something you are going to get over in one night, just because it happened 20 years ago. However, with that said, you should move on, you have to trust that your husband has been faithful to you for this long, especially if you have had no doubt otherwise. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel, don’t hold your feelings inside and work things out. As for your friend, is this still your friend? I don’t know how I would feel about a “friend” not telling me about what actually happened, and holding this secret from me for so many years. Lies always seem to come out, one way or the other. I am not saying you should forgive and forget your husbands infidelity just like that, but if he’s been a good husband and father for the past 20 years then you should find a way to forgive him. Find a way to trust him again and keep that love that has kept you together for the past 20 years alive. It’s normal to feel the way you are feeling, don’t feel bad about how you are feeling and talk through your feelings.

    Good Luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Is it good or bad have gotten married being a virgin?

    The Question:

    I’ve dated guys before, but never had anything sexually with them bc I didn’t think I was ready or they were the right guy for me. I got married being a virgin, but my husband had slept with lots of girls before me (18) and I use to have trust issues ((sometimes i still do)) And one day when I talked to him about it and asked why did he have so many girls? he said because that’s college? So I said that that wasn’t true because I’m in college too and I don’t do that. Anywho sometimes he says that he wishes I would’ve have sex before him?? because no one wants to be with a virgin girl? so in other words he doesn’t appreciate what I gave him. I still feel bad about it and don’t know what to do. Is it wrong to be a virgin? or not having had sex with lots of people before?

    My Response:

    Dear Virgin;

    I’m going to start off with what your husband told you “because no one wants to be with a virgin girl? ” He married a virgin, so what does he mean by “no one”, and this is not true. There are many people out there still that respect someone holding off until they find the right person. Now a days, many people sleep around and contact diseases and much more. When your husband said that he slept around because that is what you do in college and you felt that isn’t true because you are in college and you don’t sleep around, well men are very different from women. Men usually sleep around whether in college or not, it’s a man thing, and there is nothing wrong with it, don’t worry about the past so much and focus on your future with your husband. He is with you for a reason and married you because he loves you. Personally I think it is good for a man to sleep around a bit before finding his future wife because men need to get it out of their system and not feel like they didn’t have fun with other women before settling down. As a women, many women are having multiple sex partners and in today’s society it seems normal, but staying a virgin isn’t necessarily a bad thing if that is what you truly believe in and if that is what you feel comfortable with. I think it’s good to get to know your partner before getting married to make sure that the chemistry is there, but at the same time as a virgin, you really don’t know any other and so the first time is the only experience you are holding on to. I don’t think a women should sleep around like men do, unfortunately there will always be a double standard there, as a man it’s okay but as a women you are seen as a s**t. If you are having insecure feelings over what your husband said then talk to him. Explain to him that what he told you hurt and that you are only feeling insecure because he has slept with a lot of women and you haven’t slept around. Communication is very important in a relationship, and you need to be honest with your feelings. Your husband should be so lucky to have an honest women in his life. Don’t regret ever what you believed in.

    xo,
    kristin nicole