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Tag: kids

  • My husband of 16 yrs had an affair…

    The Question:

    I found out my husband of 16 years has been having an affair and I can’t deal with it please help?

    I found out 4 months ago that he had been sleeping with the secretary at work. Her husband found out and phoned me and told me all about it. My husband told me it had been going on for about 5 months. He said that he did it because it was offered to him on a platter and that our relationship was fine, and that he loves me and does not want to lose me. What hurt the most is he brought her to our house while the kids and I were away and had sex with her in our lounge-room. I have know idea how to get through this, I feel like nothing and I am depressed all the time. I think the best thing is for him to leave but I just don’t know. I know everyone has different ways of dealing with a cheater but I would just like some advice from people who have been in my shoes. Thanks so much…

    My Response:

    Dear Destroyed;

    It’s hard to find out someone we trusted and loved cheated on us. His excuse is plain out BS! Don’t give me that I love you and nothing is wrong yet I’ve been sleeping with my secretary for 5 months because it was handed to me???? SO WHAT???? SO if a guy handed you something in return would you take it? Marriage is a sacred sacrament and it is not something you just ignore. Don’t let him sweat talk you into thinking that what he did was okay. You deserve more than that, you gave him 16 years and now he’s done the ultimate betrayal. It is not going to be easy but I think the first step is making him leave the house. You need to get your thoughts together and you need know that what he did had nothing to do with anything you did, and only selfishness on his part. The fact that he brought this women into your house, where you have your family shows no sign of respect for you or your children. This is unacceptable….and disgusting … You have to be strong for your kids, and you have to know that even though it doesn’t seem like it right now there is always someone out there for someone (even if you don’t see that now), and even though right now you feel like your heart has been ripped out, and you will never feel happy, TRUST ME, You will. Life moves on and we move on and we learn to live and move on from the hurt that others cause us. It is not going to be easy, it’s going to be a hard journey, but you need to be strong and know that you deserve someone a lot better than someone who would lie to you and cheat on you and then use an excuse like the one he did.
    Good luck. Remember you need to love yourself and you need to heal with time before moving on. It will take time, but time does heal all wounds.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • The ‘SEX’ Talk…

    The Question:

    Imagine that you are a parent and you find out your teenager is sexually active. How might you handle this situation? Would you prefer to know or not know?

    My Response:

    If I were a parent and found out my teenager was sexually active I would first take a breather, contain my thoughts and find a way to bring up the subject with out lashing out or pushing the teenager away. Teenagers are very sensitive and they tend to get shy around the subject of sex, especially with a parent. I would start talking to them at a young age so that I did not need to find out my teenager is having sex after the fact. I would be honest with them and I would tell them the consequences and actions sex has between a man a women, and I would ask them that when they were ready to have sexual intercourse to come to me and we would talk about protection. If I found out after the fact, I prefer to know about it so that I can talk to them and either buy my son condoms and talk to him about it, or if it was a girl, get her on birth control pills and also talk with her, because birth control pills only prevents pregnancy not sexually transmitted diseases, it is important to talk about all aspects of sex.

    In today’s society we forget that teenagers learn a lot at a young age, not only in school but in the media, blogs, magazines and more, but are they learning the right things? We need to be open about sex, it’s natural and there is nothing to be scared of, but if you rush into things and you aren’t careful, your life can change forever.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    ~I got this question from my Human Sexuality Course I’m currently taking~

    Love to hear your thoughts. xo

  • Advice for living with a depressed person?

    The Question:

    My fiance is a manic depressive. We were engaged for 5 yrs, had a son. I was working full time 70 miles away from home, he was unemployed, staying home with the kids. The unemployment made him feel worthless and he stopped doing things around the house, was down 24/7, snippy, grouchy, etc. It got to the point where I left the house at 4am for work, got home at 6pm, and had to cook dinner, do laundry, bathe the kids, etc. I tried to help him, talk to him, love him. Nothing worked. He wouldn’t go to counseling because he didn’t have insurance, and he wouldn’t let me pay for it. After about a year or so, I couldn’t take it any more. I told him to move out. He left with nothing. He had no where to go. I felt horrible, but I felt like I had to do it to keep MY sanity and give my kids a good life. Flash forward. For the next “single” year of my life, I saw my ex-fiance at least 4 days a week. He would come to the house to see the kids, but he would spend most of his time telling me how much he loved me, how he had changed, and how he wanted his family back. He even admitted himself to a mental hospital for a few weeks and got on some meds. I am a pretty stubborn, independent woman, but after a year of this constant barrage of love and adoration, I gave in. I don’t want my kids to come from a broken home. My parents were married for 35 yrs before my dad passed. I thought I could make it work. It’s been 2 months. And about a month of that has been him being very insecure and depressed and just, well, weird. I am seriously considering just giving up. I don’t think I am a strong enough person to deal with an illness of this sort. He stopped taking his meds again because he doesn’t have insurance at his new job. I feel like a horrible person for not being able to deal with all this. I am afraid he will hurt himself if I make him leave again. His side of the family doesn’t really help him out, they don’t ever seem to see how serious things are. I guess I just need advice/opinions/and I’m sure I’ll get some haters.

    My Response:

    Dear Caregiver;

    You are in a hard position, because you have kids with this man I can understand not wanting them to grow up in a “broken home”, however with that said, is it any better for them to see their dad depressed all the time and acting the way he does and seeing you upset about it? It’s a hard decision and you have made it before, but I don’t find it selfish of you for thinking about yourself and your family before thinking of him. You can’t babysit him and if he can’t take control of his illness and find a way to take the medication to stay stable then there may be no hope for the two of you. Talk to him and explain to him that he needs to figure out how to get the medication or he needs to leave again. I know many people may find it selfish of you, or as if you were giving up, but sometimes we can’t control things in life, and we can’t fix them. You are an independent women and you will be fine; give him your support as a friend, and if you are truly madly in love with him, try to find a way to work things out, if you are staying with him just because of the kids, then re-evaluate your relationship and find a way to either stay together or move on. Living in a home with someone who is constantly depressed, insecure and so forth isn’t healthy for the children either, and don’t you think that is almost the same thing as a “broken home”?

    They will still have their father in their lives, and you will still be there for him as a friend, but you cannot stay with someone just because you feel bad for them. Live your life too, you deserve to be happy.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com