Advice Column: Cheated on several times. Image found on google.com/images
Advice Column: Cheated on several times
Dear Kristin Nicole;
I found out my boyfriend cheated on me while we were in a long distance relationship. He finally moved to my home town but I found out that while he was gone he slept with other women. He recently had to go back home to take care of some family business and while he was gone I hooked up with a friend of mine. I love my boyfriend but a part of me can’t get over the fact that he cheated on me. I know two wrongs don’t make a right but I felt hurt and betrayed and sleeping with my friend almost made me feel better. I don’t know if I should come clean or tell my boyfriend. I don’t know if I can ever trust my boyfriend again and I am still so angry with him. The friend I slept with has been trying to get with me and he tells me all the time how my boyfriend is a loser and how I deserve better. I am a little confused now. Should I stay with my boyfriend or leave him and try to see if my friendship with this guy can be more than just friends?
Sincerely, Confused~
My Response:
Dear Confused;
Let’s start off with the fact that your boyfriend cheated on you while you were in a long distance relationship. As soon as you found this out, you should have hit the highway. Do you want to be with a man who has cheated on you with not one but several other women? Second, you are right, two wrongs don’t make a right, and although I can see why you sought comfort in someone who is always telling you that you deserve better, you don’t want your friend to be a rebound guy. If you feel you can’t trust your boyfriend then end things. Send him packing back to where he came from. Take time for you and try to stay friends with your guy friend and go from there. If it’s meant to be, things will work out, if not you will hopefully still have a friend after all this. Don’t ever think you need to stay with someone who has cheated on you. You deserve better. Go find yourself a real man!
Advice Column: Why is he so bad at sex? Image found on google.com/images
Advice Column: Why is he so bad at sex?
He is so bad at sex! He lays in bed and says give me a BJ! I said okay, how would you like it, and he is very non descriptive. [sic]. He said with your tongue; you know go up and down. I tried but he seemed real frigid and unsatisfied to be honest. During sex he cums within minutes and asks if I want it again. He doesn’t give me kisses and he doesn’t ask me if I am enjoying it. I find that I am demanding with him with what I need and he often just denies what I demand of him.
He pumps it into me like a rabbit man on steroids. [sic]. This is sad and true. How do I freaken [sic] communicate to him?
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Unsatisfied;
This is a Simple question. Tell him how you feel! Communication is not that hard, tell him you want more attention, you want him to be more detailed in how he likes things and if he doesn’t like it a certain way, to also let you know. It is important to be open with your partner and if he can’t do that with you then maybe it’s time to go your separate ways. Don’t worry about always asking him how he likes it. Do your thing and be confident! If he can’t satisfy you then maybe you need to find yourself a man that can. Find someone that can open up to you, rather than just sit there and tell you to blow him. We all deserve better then that. It is important to be attentive to your partner and get some in return.
Advice Column: Sleep with my professor? Image found on google.com/images
Advice Column: Sleep with my professor?
Dear Kristin Nicole;
I am a junior in college and my professor is really young. he is 33 years old and I am 22 and every time I see him I get all tingly down stairs. After class we have met a few times to go over some school work. We flirt a little but nothing as ever happened. I don’ know if to make the first move or see if he finally make a move. This semester finishes in August and I didn’t know if to wait until the semester finishes or just to go for it now. The excitement of dating my professor and having sex with him on his desk gets me excited just thinking about it. Should I just make the first move or wait?
~Professor Crush
My Response:
Dear Professor Crush;
Although it might be exciting to sleep with your professor, I am sure that there are rules about dating your professor. With that said there is nothing wrong with some harmless flirting and letting him know you like him. You want to make sure he really is flirting with you and not just being nice. Sometimes we can take niceness the wrong way. August is around the corner so you might as well wait and see what happens afterwards. You might just like him for the thrill of actually sleeping with your professor. If this is the case, then move on and start enjoying your last few years in college. Go out and find some guys your age and a guy who isn’t off limits. Good luck
Advice Column: Half naked pictures of my boyfriends ex on his phone. Image found on flickr.com
The Question:
I found half naked pictures of my boyfriends ex on his phone. Please help.
My boyfriend and I have been together off and on for 10 years. We have been going through a lot of things lately like loosing our house, the death of our 15 year old dog, and family issues. We have been fighting quite a bit. The other day he got a new phone and wanted me to install a new sim card (holds your photos) in his phone. When I went in to the picture area I noticed a half naked photo of a girl he use to date. There were two of them from a couple of months ago. During that time I yelled at him because I found out he was snap chatting her (sending pictures back and forth in an app.) He told me that they were just saying hi and catching up. I decided to let that go. But now I find out that when they were talking a couple of months ago, that this is when she actually sent him those pictures. I called him and packed some of my things and just left our house. He said that he has never cheated on me and never will. He knows he was in the wrong but he deleted the pictures and he didn’t know they were in his phone anymore. I personally think that what he did is cheating, but he doesn’t think it is. He said he did not cheat and I just do not know what to do. What should I do?
(Edited)
My Response:
This is a hard situation to be in. Your boyfriend may have not physically cheated on you but this is definitely a form of cheating; it’s emotional cheating. You should sit down with him and talk to him, tell him how you feel and tell him he has one chance to be completely honest with you. In the end it will be your decision as to whether or not you trust him and want to stay with him. Regardless of what happened, this will still hurt and you have to either forgive him and move on, or move on completely.
Advice Column: My boyfriend is bisexual. Image found on flickr.com
The Question:
My boyfriend is bisexual.
For starters we have been together about 6 years, I was 13 and he was 14 and we are now 19 and 20. We were talking about getting an apartment and moving in together, we found one we both like and we signed the lease. About 3 weeks after moving in he told me he kissed his best friend which is a guy, he said he is bisexual and he has said that he’s been bisexual since we started dating, but I’m starting to wonder if he is gay more than bisexual.
On top of that he cheated on me so I feel hurt and it being his best friend I don’t feel I have the right to make them stop talking. But I think he shouldn’t talk to him considering he should be thinking about my feelings in this situation, not his own since he is the one who did the damage. It’s been about a month and his best friend showed up at the house 3 days ago, I answered the door and I was supposed to be at work but he looked at me and literally ran away… like RAN. Made me very worried he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing or maybe he just wanted to hang out with his best friend. I don’t know what to do to. Should I be with him or not. All my friends just tell me **** him move on but they don’t realize that I’ve been with this guy since I can ever remember. I’m really looking for someone with similar problems or just good advice. Should I stay or should I go? What about his friend and everything that has happend? I’m lost and completely destroyed over it, please help.
(Edited)
My Response:
In any relationship you are in, the other person should never cheat, that is one of the biggest betrayals a person can do to another. You have to first think about what he did and think about being with a man that lied to you. Second, he’s obviously confused by saying he’s bisexual. You have been with him so long that maybe he felt embarrassed and is still confused about his sexuality. He might not be bisexual and he may be gay but maybe he doesn’t know how to come out and talk to you about it.
I think you really need to sit down and talk to him, communication is key in any relationship. Unfortunately you were young when you were first together and you are still very young. I know it’s hard to think about your life without him, but do you want to be with a man who cheated on you, and is confused about his sexuality? If his best friend showed up at your house when you weren’t supposed to be there and then ran away, that should tell you something. That definitely feels a little fishy, and I would confront him about it. Is this the type of man you really want to spend the rest of your life with? These are the questions you need to ask yourself. You deserve better, and if he really loves you he will be honest with himself and with you. It’s not going to be easy, if this relationship ends it’s all you have ever known, but I promise that things in time will get easier. Everything in life happens for a reason, even if we don’t understand them in the moment.
Advice Column: What do I do if I want to sleep with another man? Image found on Flickr.com
Advice Column: What do I do if I want to sleep with another man?Okay. This is kind of a long story, so please forgive me.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year. I love him very much, but I find myself thinking about another man. My boyfriend is a quadriplegic and I met him after his accident. Although this certainly has nothing to do with how I feel about him, it does make our sex life a bit complicated.
I feel terrible because I find myself being exhausted from always having to be on top when we do have sex and also feeling unfulfilled because we rarely have sex as it’s such a complicated process.
My boyfriend hasn’t told me he loves me yet and it definitely plays into my wandering eye problem. I feel like I continuously do the “man” like things in our relationship and I know it makes him feel as awful as it does me.
It’s so sad because had I known him before I KNOW our sex life would’ve been phenomenal. We have good sex now even though we can’t do everything a normal couple could.
I think the problem is I am just feeling the need to be manhandled and don’t know how to control these urges. Anyway, any advice would be great. No negative advice please. Thanks. 🙂My Response:Dear wondering eye; It’s normal to feel the way you feel when you are in an uncommon situation. First off, talk to your boyfriend. Tell him how you feel. I am not sure the extent of his condition, but is there a way you can have sex from the side position, just to switch things up? Try buying some toys to spice it up, this can help too. As far as being man-handled, this is a bit tough. If he’s not able to be rough with you at all then this is something you may have to deal with. Talk to him, see what he can do and can’t do. Just because he can’t throw you on the bed and be on top, doesn’t mean he can’t “man handle” you. If this is seriously causing problems in your relationship then you need to sit down and really think about what you want from this relationship. Don’t stay with him out of guilt, or because you feel bad for him. Look at the different options your life will lead if you stay or if you go. If you truly love him, communicate your feelings and find ways to make it work. Good luck. xo, kristin nicole I found this question on Yahoo.com
I have been with my boyfriend for a year, it has not been easy, we started out just okay. Both wanting a life long partner. He is 54 and I am 48, both been married a few times both have a few children. We both have a thirty year old and a seven-year-old child and a few between. We have a lot in common and a lot of the same interest. We both feel we need to be in control and are a like. Neither one likes to give in. We love each other at least I do but can’t read his mind. His sister said, “If he did not care for you he would not even bother.” So let me get to the problem.
I love this guy but he does not give me any affection what so ever now, No kiss, No touch, No sex, we fight all the time about it. I want it and he tells me you nag and you will not get it, shut your mouth, it is your mouth. [sic]. I try not to say anything, one, two, three and so on in weeks and still he will not even come to bed. He said he does it to teach me a lesson. In one year he might have been to bed 30-40 times an average of once every two-three weeks, it is so lonely. He stays in the room with me but sleeps in a office chair. It is killing me, I cannot stand it anymore, I feel so lonely. I cry almost every night. A few months ago I began to sleep in my daughters’ room, then down stairs, and now in the office of my company, just so he cannot hurt me by not coming to bed.
We both are pretty good looking people, I only think about making love to him. I do not want to be with anyone else and cannot even think about cheating, like I said he is a very good looking man, we both look young and I am sure he is not cheating but this just makes a person think what is wrong. The other thing is that he has only cum inside of me twice, and I always want him to do it in my mouth [sic], but he makes me feel like he does not want me. The sex has always been bad. I feel like I cannot please him. He will do everything to show me he is right, even giving in gets me nowhere. Now I feel he is just tired of me. I am a very loving and giving person and giving him breakfast in bed every day. He has a drug problem that does not help but I do not use myself. He started excluding me out of friends because he feels bad to use in front of me. Yes I do make a few comments but do not nag on that. Also I had my second stroke on 2/20/2013. Walking and doing better now. He was there for me in a way but he did not know how to help me; he is very selfish, but gave me the time he could and I did not make it easy for him. Anyways what you have here is two very selfish people that love each other and neither one knows how to give in and it is killing both of us, at least me. Help!!!!!!!!
~ Too many problems but not wanting to give up.
(Revised by KN)
The Answer:
Dear Too many problems but not wanting to give up;
It seems to me that you already know there is problems in this relationship and although you acknowledge them you don’t want to accept them. If he isn’t giving you attention, sleeping with you, having sex with you, talking to you and he’s on drugs, then there is something really wrong here. I don’t know what drugs he is on but this is the number one issue to start with. If you have a young child, it isn’t healthy that he is doing drugs. This can also be causing him to not have a sexual appetite. If he is depressed this can also cause a low sex drive. There are numerous reasons he may be acting like he is. It can be the drugs, it can be that he just doesn’t care, it can be that he’s cheating on you, it can be a million things. You need to try and talk to him, tell him you want to make this marriage work but not being intimate and ignoring you is not the answer. The excuse you said he gives you about “teaching you a lesson”, WHAT LESSON? Men don’t normally think like that, at least not any man I have ever met. If anything your punishment would be in the bedroom, not avoiding you. It sounds like you want to try new things and that you aren’t closed off to doing anything kinky or otherwise, so why he doesn’t want to have sex with you is beyond me. The only advice I can give you, is TALK to him. Try to go to counseling and explain what you are feeling. You have two choices, you live with it and be miserable or you realize that he’s a complete ASS and get out of this relationship. You deserver someone better, someone who will listen and talk to you, someone who will have sex with you and love you and someone who won’t put you down. You also deserve someone who isn’t on drugs and ruining their life and the life of your child. Think about it….
Advice Column: This guy I met is too clingy. Image by: Google.com/images
Dear Kristin Nicole,
I met this guy and we have gone on a few dates, however now he’s constantly calling me and he already wants me to be his girlfriend and we have only known each other for about three weeks. On top of it all he’s in his late 40’s living with his mom. That’s not the bad part, it’s fine if you are single and you need to help your mom out, but his mom works and has no car, and he is constantly doing things with his mom. One day I asked if he wanted to do lunch instead of dinner because I’m a single mom and I was going out that night with my daughter. He said he couldn’t because he was going to trade in his car and he was going with his mom. I feel like it’s becoming too much. Can we say “Mama’s Boy”? On top of it all he was ready to invite himself over to my house one day and I told him no, because as I mentioned before I have a teenage daughter and I am not going to bring any guy into my house. He also has teenage children with a previous marriage that live out of the Country but he failed to mention this to me until just recently. He told me that he has an 11 month old daughter with another woman, who also lives outside of the country. I don’t think I want to deal with someone who hides his children, lives for their mother only, and is now nonstop calling me. He’s a nice guy, but I’m just not ready for a relationship, let alone with someone like him. I have been avoiding his phone calls but what should I do?
~ Dating a mama’s boy
Dear Dating a mama’s boy,
If it’s only been three weeks, this is good. This means you haven’t invested much time in figuring out this guy just isn’t for you. If he really wanted to see you the day you offered to have lunch with him, he could have invited you to go with him car shopping either with his mom or leaving his mom at home and taking you instead. Inviting himself to your house is also a little pushy, especially since he knows you have a daughter. I think you did the right thing by stopping him. As for all his children, I think it’s a bad start if he told you off the bat about the first two children but forgot to mention his 11 month old daughter, that he has with another woman. It seems like it’s too much already for just knowing him three weeks. I think that if he is a nice guy though, that you should at least pick up the phone or call him and let him know that you just aren’t ready for a relationship right now and you can stay friends if you like. Most men don’t like to hear “the friend speech” but it’s better to be honest with him without hurting his feelings, then just ignoring his phone calls. Now move on, and if you’re not ready for a relationship then enjoy being single and enjoy time with your daughter, one day the right man will come along.
I caught my husband having affairs on the net – After being married for thirty years I don’t know what to do? I cant seem to trust him anymore. I cant seem to forget and keep blaming myself for not keeping an eye on him.
My Response:
Dear 30 Years;
You have every right to not trust him anymore, you were married for 30 years and he betrayed your trust in the most horrible way a man can betray a woman’s trust. Do NOT blame yourself. We can not be on top of our men all the time, and we shouldn’t have to. You should be able to trust the person you are with and that person should be faithful to you no matter what temptations are out there. If your husband couldn’t be faithful this is not your fault. No matter how hard it may be you deserve respect and love from someone and you deserve to not get cheated on. It may be hard to leave your husband but he left you the day he decided to cheat on you and destroy your marriage. Stay strong, it isn’t going to be an easy journey for you but I promise there is someone out there for everyone. My aunt was married for over 20 years and later found her soul-mate. It’s never too late! Good luck!
xo
kristin nicole
I found this question on <a/ href=”http://www.answers.yahoo.com”>Answers.Yahoo.com
Expressing yourself can sometimes be hard. If you are angry do you tell the person you are fighting with what you feel right then and there? Or should you wait until you cool off and have a more focused mind set? Sometimes letting it out in the moment allows you to really tell the person how you feel but sometimes it’s better to cool off and talk calmly with each other in order to avoid words you may regret later.
Sometimes there comes a time when you argue with your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, or friend, and sometimes you get so angry you can’t express your feelings. In my case I try to talk in the moment but if I get too frustrated I close myself off because I can’t fathom having a conversation with that person. When I try to say what I am thinking sometimes I over think my thoughts and I end up stoping my self, leaving myself with no words to say.
Why do we do this? Why is it so hard for women and men to say what they feel? Are we afraid of what the other person might say? SOMETIMES, For me that is the case. I’m afraid to get into a bigger argument when I just want them to understand what I am feeling, but that doesn’t always work.
So I find it easier to express myself sometimes through email, letters or text. I know this shouldn’t be the solution but sometimes it’s the only way to get what I feel out in the open. It’s better to get it out one way than not at all. Right?!?
In my letter I try to really go into details on what I feel but you still want to make sure you aren’t crossing the line somewhere. Sometimes in letters the person reading it may interpret your words differently and you don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings, unless taht is your intentions of course.
I found a website that talks about relationships and communication, and I truly believe that communication is the KEY to a healthy and long relationship. You can’t hold things inside because in the end you will only blow up, and that isn’t good for either one of you. This website tries to help MEN communicate better. For those men who have problems communicating check this website out and click HERE.
Even though the website indicates how to communicate more for men towards women, I think it’s good for women to read it as well. Some of women might be a little more like men then we think. Open up to your other half and tell them how you feel, but don’t attack them with your words, just tell them that you only want them to know how you are feeling and what can “we” do to fix it.
Assumptions are the termites of relationships. ~Henry Winkler.
