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Tag: kristin nicole

  • His Religious Parents Don’t approve & I feel Guilty he left home for me…

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I am in desperate need of help. I have been in a relationship for few years now. We are both 24, and want to get engaged. In our culture we have to have our parents permission to get engaged and for the engagement ceremony the parents sit down and decide a date etc. His parents had no reason to say no to this relationship (I am as educated as he is, I earn as much as he does, we are from the same culture, same religion, same caste, same well educated family background, as good looking as he is, loves him as much he does me). His parents first made some excuses but then allowed us to date, but when it started getting serious they have been stubborn and blackmailing him (by saying they will die if he moves out and gets married to me) beating him up (I AM SERIOUS. they are beating up a 24 year old guy). They lock him up in the room just so that he cant come see me… torturing him by saying things like the will kill themselves if he gets married to me, that he has forgotten their 24 years of raising him, for one girl etc. His parents even called my parents and abused them and asked them for me to loose contact with him. TALKING and asking for reasons doesn’t work, all they have to say is “we feel that if you guys get married it will end up in a divorce”. His parents haven’t even met me yet and they said no because they feel he loves me so much and I will take advantage of it in future.

    He loves me a lot and he has been going through all this suffering just to get a YES from his parents. (because he doesn’t want his parents to blame me for snatching away their child in future) now he has finally decided to move out after 3 months of painful suffering just because of me. I don’t know why I feel guilty for his separation from his parents! I feel if I never came to his life he wouldn’t have gone through all this **** and crap! Am I doing the wrong thing by wanting to spend my life with him and by making him move out of his house?

    What is the best solution in this situation? I NEED HELP. I have been under severe depression and stress and frustration and I cant take it anymore. I NEED TO KNOW IF THERE IS ANY OTHER SOLUTION???
    Waiting for your reply…

    ~guilty

    My Response:

    Dear Guilty;

    It seems to me that no matter what woman your boyfriend was going to take home, they weren’t going to be good enough for his family. If they haven’t even met you yet, they have no right to judge. I understand that in these types of religions that the parents have a little more control over the situation. (I am not sure what religion you are and the extent of the situation). However, no parent, I don’t care what religion you are, has the right to abuse a child. Locking him up in his room is abuse and that is not to be taken lightly. Your boyfriend is no longer a child but a 24 year old man, and if he chooses to move out of his home, it is his right and his decision. I understand that he moved out to be with you, but you cannot blame yourself for the situation that stands between his parents and himself. His parents obviously have some issues they need to attend to, and your boyfriend needs to stand up and talk to them, explain to them that you both don’t want them to not be in your lives but that they need to understand that he loves you and all the both of you want is for them to give you their blessing and accept you into their family. I know it’s easier said than done, but maybe you need to go together to speak to his parents. Talk to your boyfriend first and explain to him how you feel, I am sure he does not blame you for leaving his house, this was his decision and he is a grown man. Communication is key in any relationship, you can’t hold in what you are feeling, you need to talk to your boyfriend and try to see what you can do together to make this relationship work. Don’t feel guilty, you have done nothing wrong but love your boyfriend….

    Good luck

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    If you need more advice don’t hesitate to email me.

  • Inspiration

    This week…

    So this week I didn’t have many Advice columns, I was inspired to write from the heart, write about life and questions that we sometimes have. I have come across a few people in my life, friends that have come and gone, boyfriends, and family and I know so many people who have the same questions. Sometimes we think we are alone in what we feel, we feel like no one can ever understand us. In some cases no one will know 100% of what you feel because everyone goes through life differently and everyone reacts differently to situations, but just because you go through it differently doesn’t mean another person can’t understand what you are going through.

    Life is a road we all must take, and although we don’t know where it is going, we drive on it anyway, hoping it leads us to that happy ending in the sky….

    Inspiration:

    In life I have met people who have inspired me to become a better person, inspired me to fight for what I want and inspired me that no matter what you may think about yourself or what others may think of you, in the end you will find your way….
    Life has brought a lot of negative things but it’s also brought a lot of positive, loving things. If we dwell on the negative that has happened to us then we will never be able to truly move forward, we will never be able to truly feel the happiness that is out there waiting for us. I can’t say I haven’t held grudges or that I’m perfect, and I am not saying it’s easy to forgive someone that has hurt you, but if we can’t change the past, we can’t change what happened to us then we need to learn how to move on from it. We need to learn that the past stays in the past and our future has so many more possibilities filled with love and happiness. I have to believe that there is more out there for me, just like I know there is more out there for you (the person reading this). Each day I get closer to my dreams coming true.

    Today I am inspired to become a better person
    Today I am inspired to make my dreams come true
    Today I am inspired to believe in the unbelievable
    Today I am inspired to Love
    Today I am inspired to take in the cool air and imagine the possibilities
    Today I am just inspired…..

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    © kristin nicole

  • Is it ever too late?

    Is it ever too late?

    Sometimes in life we wonder if it’s ever to late to do some of the things we wished we had done when we were younger. Is it too late to go back to school and finish my degree? Is it too late to tell him/her I love him/her? Is it too late to buy those shoes I saw in the window? Is it too late to move to another city? Is it too late?

    Nothing in life is ever easy, no one can tell you to turn right instead of left, and at the end of the day it’s never too late….

    I hate to say I’m passed the age where I should have already received a Master’s Degree, let alone my Bachelors, but I’m in school and little by little working my way to getting that degree. I thought at one point it was too late, too late to continue and do what I want to do, too late to finish and too late to follow my dreams. I’m living proof that it’s never too late. Sure it’s taking me long enough, but I have to work full time and go to school, and although it isn’t easy each day moves forward and each day is a day closer to that degree. Going to school online I meet people who are a lot older than I am, also living proof, that ‘It’s NEVER too late’.

    I still wonder about the ‘what ifs’, I wonder where I would be and what I would be doing, but in life ‘EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON’, and I truly believe that. (That’s another story I would have to tell you about another time…). But like I said….things happen for a reason. We meet people in our lives who cross our paths only to introduce us to people that will be in our future. If we sit here all the time wondering about the what ifs, and is it ever too lates… in the world, then life will pass us by and we’ll never know what could have been.

    It’s never too late to live your dream, buy those shoes in the window or tell that person you love them. Don’t stop dreaming, don’t stop believing in hope, and have faith and strength to do the things you want to do in life. I’m not perfect and sometimes I get scared to move to the next step in life, but if we don’t keep walking forward, then we’ll miss out on all the great things life has to offer us. With every hard moment in life a good moment is right around the corner. With every little fear inside of us, lives the strength and hope to keep us moving forward. It’s never too late to do the things we want to do in life. Life is too short, don’t live it wondering if it’s too late, just get out there and go for it.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Dreams do come true…

    Dreams do come true….

    Dreams are what our hearts desire. We dream about the future and what we could have. When we are kids we dream big, we believe everything and anything is possible, somewhere a long the way we somehow lose that faith, that anything is indeed possible.

    Sometimes I get anxious, I try to think positive and believe that anything is possible. If I think positive and believe in the future, it will happen. If I give it my all, the possibilities will become reality. As I try to believe in my words I get anxious, I think it comes from being scared. Scared about the ‘what if’s’ in life, scared that dreams don’t actually come true.

    When you dream big you become big. Some think that if you dream big, you are only looking towards a bigger disappointment. But isn’t dreaming about what you want in life the goal we have to try to achieve, and if we fail, doesn’t that mean that we have to fight stronger, move forward and keep fighting for that dream? If we give up on our dreams, then what do we have to look forward to? No one ever said that dreaming big was easy, no one said that your dreams would come true the moment you think of them. We have to fight for our dreams, work hard to achieve them and remember that anything is possible. If we believe in ourselves, if we believe that anything is possible and that dreams can come true, then we live a life much easier than those who believe nothing good can come from dreaming big.

    I never really thought about what I REALLY wanted in life, what my dreams were, or if I ever really had a dream that was so big it can make me happy. When I stop to think about where I am in my life right now, I realize all the things I didn’t do up until now, but I also realize all the good that I have in my life. Without heartbreak, struggles, fear, we don’t become the people we are supposed to be. Each morning we get up, we have a routine (either work or school, or some other type of activity) we then get home to either take care of our kids, study, cook etc and then we go to sleep to start the day all over again. But do you wake up going to a place you are happy with? Do we settle for contentment or do we fight the big fight called LIFE?

    I want to fight, I want to dream and I want to believe that ANYTHING is POSSIBLE. I want to become who I am destined to be. I’m going to dream, I’m going to work to make those dreams come true and one day you will see that no matter what happens in life, dreams can come true.

    ~ Don’t ever stop believing in your dreams, because when you stop believing in your dreams you stop believing in yourself. ~Kristin Nicole

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Life doesn’t have a Guide Book…

    Random Thoughts:

    Pain is something we all feel at one point in our lives. When you hurt inside it’s a pain that is unexplainable, a pain that blinds us from what is really in front of us. Sometimes when we hurt we eventually move forward, we eventually see that the pain was for a reason, other times the pain turns into anger. Life is a journey that we are all on together, a journey we have to figure out on our own. We cross paths with people in our lives that change who we are, we either grow from them or we stay stuck in the paths we are crossing. I believe that we meet people in our lives for a reason, we might not see it in the moment, but they are there for one reason or another.

    Sometimes we feel lost, and confused and we aren’t quiet sure where to go from there. I knew someone who was lost, this person forgot who they were, they weren’t happy with themselves or their life and they pushed everyone they knew away. Closing one door leading them into a depression I couldn’t get them out of. When someone tells you that they don’t love you anymore, you try to come up with reasons why they loved you to begin with, when a person stops loving themselves the only thing you can do is let them find their own way back. How do you help someone who doesn’t want to be helped? There is no guide book in life to tell us how to act, what to do, where to go, there is no help guide to tell us how to love or what to do when we feel sad or upset. We live this life for a reason and we try to figure it out along the way.

    At times I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I have a vision of what I want to do, but fear holds me back at times, wondering if what I really want will ever truly happen, if I’m good enough for what seems to be the impossible. I try to think positive and I love to feel like anything is possible, but there is always that little negative voice inside who stops us from making our dreams come true. Why do people always second guess themselves, why do we feel like there are some things in life that just can’t happen?

    My friend gave me this quote from Steve Jobs which I find to be refreshing, I have it up on my board at work so that I can see it and remind myself of the possibilities life has to bring.

    “You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of our life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle. ~Steve Jobs (2005 Stanford Commencement Speech).

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Lifes many paths

    Life

    Do you ever look around you and see how many different people there are out there in the world. Ever wonder what each one is thinking? If the man driving next to you is a great guy or a murderer? You never know. You never truly know anyone because no matter how honest or how open a person is with you, everyone has secrets. I’m not saying there bad secrets just Secrets. A secret can be about anything, something sad that happened to you when you were younger that you just never shared with anyone. A feeling or a thought you had that you never thought sharing with someone would help. Secrets you hold within yourself, secrets that may keep you going stronger or secrets that tear you apart.

    Secrets

    Maybe you don’t think it’s a secret, because you don’t mind telling someone about it, you just never saw a reason to tell anyone about it. The smallest things in life change who you are. The biggest things in life, change your life, and the moments you think don’t matter, really do matter.

    Hard Times

    When something in life feels so hard and so sad, you think, this is it…am I ever going to be okay?! Somehow we are all stronger then we think and somehow we all keep living. Does this mean that we’ll eventually forget whatever it was that hurt us or made us sad or angry? I’m sorry to say NO, but it does get better with time. I know everyone says “things will get better with time”, but how much time? That is an answer only time can tell. It’s hard to hear, and it’s hard to go through, but these are the tribulations in our lives that make us stronger. These are the moments that you have to sit back on and think to yourself, what could have been different? Could it have been different? It was out of my control, so now how do I make things better?

    Life Changes

    Life is a mystery and no matter how many people try to figure it out, I don’t think you can. Every person, every life is Different. The way you look, the way you speak, smell, smile, laugh, talk, eat…. The list goes on and on. We are all different and that is what makes us unique. This is what separates us from others and makes you who you are.

    In life you come to learn that it does truly pass you by. With a blink of an eye, you can loose the person you loved. In a second, life can change before you with out giving you warning and with time you learn to realize that this is LIFE.

    Destiny

    I sit back and wonder where my life will be in a few years, will it be where my hopes and dreams are, or will it take me down a different path. A path that unknowingly will be my destiny. We build roads but we choose the paths we walk on.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Happy Birthday Mom

    Have you ever had a best friend in your life? A friend that isn’t just your friend but your mom? That’s how I feel about my mom…. If I have a problem with anything I know I can always count on her, I can only hope to be a great mother one day, the way she has been to me and my brother and sister.

    I want to dedicate this poem to my mom… Happy Birthday Mom, I hope you are having a wonderful day; today and many more years to come.

    Today Is your Day…

    Today is the day I thank God
    Not only for making you my mother
    But for making you my Best Friend.

    Today is the day I thank God
    For having you in my life.
    When I needed you the most you were always there for me.
    When I thought my heart was breaking you cried with me.
    When I thought I wasn’t good enough, you encouraged me.
    When I thought life was too hard, you showed me the way.
    Without you in my life I would be lost
    You showed me to be me, you love me for me and you accept every part of me.

    You are not only my best friend, but my mother
    And I am the luckiest daughter in the world to have a mother like you in my life.

    Today I thank God
    Because without you I would be lost.
    Happy Birthday Mom! I love you!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    “A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.” –Washington Irving

  • Begging for money

    $$ Begging For Money $$
    $$ Begging For Money $$

    You see these men and women out on the streets begging for money, and don’t you wonder how it is they got there?

    Walking the Streets

    Each day I get to work, or leave work there is always someone on the corner light begging for money. I sit there sometimes and look at them, wondering only one question. How did you get here? What happened to your life that you ended up on the streets, scrounging for money, trying to get something to eat or drink?

    This Morning

    I was at the red light, almost to work, when a man asked the car next to me for money. I knew he was coming my way next. Sometimes I’m not sure if I should look to see if I have any money to give them, I think, they’ll probably end up using it for drugs or alcohol. (This is most likely the case). However, a part of me always feels so saddened of the man standing in front of my window just begging for money. Today, I looked around and I only had 50 cents, I told the man, I was sorry but this was all I had. He smiled and said, “God Bless you mame, I’m just trying to get some food, I’m really hungry”. I rolled up my window and just felt so sad for this man. As I look back in my rear-view mirror I see him going to another car. I look down at his feet, (for some reason I always look to see what kind of shoes the person is wearing). He looked like he had on a pair of Jordan’s, yellow on the side and fairly new. Now doesn’t this make you think? What is a man, with a pair of good shoes, doing on the streets, begging for money, if he can afford those shoes he’s wearing? The light turned green and I continued on my way to work, only wondering if the man truly needed money to eat, or for something else he thought might be a little more important? Either way, I still felt bad for him.

    The greedy

    When I worked in Down Town Miami, I was driving home, stuck at a red light again when a women was begging/asking for money. I rolled down my window and all I had was 25 cents. I knew it wasn’t much, but I thought to myself, “Any little bit counts, eventually it will add up”. She turned to me and looked me in the face and she had the audacity to tell me, ” THIS IS IT? That’s all you’re giving me”? I turned with rage in my voice, I said, EXCUSE ME? You should be grateful that I gave you anything, and you should be grateful to any person who gives you whatever they may have. She turned and apologized, but I just rolled my window back up in disbelief. A poor women on the streets, clearly not right in the mind, dressed with rags, hair all over the place, had the nerve to say that what I was giving her wasn’t good enough for her? I took a deep breath and realized that this women wasn’t right in the head, and I shouldn’t get upset. I just couldn’t believe that a poor women was being picky with what a person was giving her. Comes to show you, that even the poor aren’t appreciative sometimes.

    More Thoughts…

    Life is a mystery, and no matter how much I try to comprehend some of the things in life, I learn each time that sometimes, there are really no TRUE Answers, No real answers to tell you how it works, or what to do. Sometimes I wonder if that bum in the corner has a family? What happened to their life that they got to this corner on the street that I’m at right now? Answers we’ll never know, but some of us continue to try and help.

    Do you have a story to tell about a person you met in the streets? Let me know, I would love to share it with others.

    “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. ~Theodore Roosevelt

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • At age 33, Andrea Torres deals with Breast Cancer

    Andrea Torres

    Who is Andrea Torres:

    Andrea Torres writes for the Miami Herald. I was talking with my best friend when she told me about Andrea, she is an old friend of her husbands and Andrea just found out that she has breast cancer. I tried to process this thought, and although I don’t know Andrea personally her story touched me. Cancer makes you think, it makes you wonder things you didn’t wonder about before. As I read stories on line and get to know people online, I see Cancer everywhere. It’s sad and it’s confusing to most. We wonder why such a horrible disease can reach such good people. I read Andrea’s story and I wanted to know more, I told my friend that I felt her story was incomplete, I felt like I wanted to get to know her better so I thought I would share her story with you.

    At age 33, I’m dealing with breast cancer:

    By Andrea Torres
    atorres@miamiherald.com

    The nightmare began when I found a lump in my left breast. I first felt it when I turned in bed. I woke up the next morning and rode four miles on my bicycle. I was in good health, and was convinced it would go away after my period.

    It didn’t.

    “It’s a thick fibrous mass with a cottage cheese texture. It seems to be expanding,” I said to an ultrasound technician at the Diagnosis Center for Women in South Miami. I was there for my first mammogram.

    The technician moved a roller connected to a sonogram back and forth over my breast. She was staring at black-and-gray deformed spheres on a screen. Her silence was painful.

    “I am so sorry. I will be right back,” she said.

    I thought about death. My maternal grandparents had just died at the end of last year. My poor mom, I thought: How was I going to tell her?

    The technician returned to the room with the center’s director of breast imaging, Dr. Carrie Horst. They both stared at the screen. This time, Horst was holding the roller.

    “I am not going to sugarcoat this. I think this is breast cancer,” Horst said. “We need to schedule a biopsy.”

    The ultrasound technician tried to comfort me when Horst left the room. “These are the days when I hate my job,” she said, while she hugged me goodbye. I didn’t tell my mom I knew it was cancer. I told her it was a possibility. She still cried.

    Horst called me a few days later after the biopsy confirmed her suspicion. I learned that at 33, I was not too young for breast cancer.

    Horst sent me to Mercy Hospital to meet Dr. Tihesha Wilson, a surgical oncologist. She explained that the pathology report revealed I had infiltrating ductal carcinoma. There were two tumors and “several smaller masses present in a satellite configuration” — about 3.5 inches in total.

    “It’s going to be a tough year,” Wilson said. “You have to stay positive, and know that you are going to survive this. Many women have.”

    She explained the course of treatment. It would feel like torture in a remote prison. She handed me a tissue box. I didn’t cry. I was numb. She gave me a hug.

    After a PET-CT scan and an MRI, I visited Baptist Hospital’s Dr. Robert DerHagopian for a second opinion. He said a lymph node, which tested positive for metastatic carcinoma, would place my case at a stage 3a. The highest stage (4) compromises other organs.

    “You’re going to be OK,’’ he said, as he hugged me goodbye.

    I knew what cancer patients looked like. My long black hair was going to fall out, so I decided to get it cut. It was nearly down to my waist. It was the prettiest it had ever been — thick, beautiful and shiny. The thought that it would make a good wig for a little girl or a teen after I donated it to Locks of Love gave me strength, even though I knew that the organization sells some of the donated hair to cover costs.

    A friend cut off my ponytail, before Carolyn Duffy, of Nue Studios in Wynwood, sculpted a cut that made me feel like I had been made for short hair.

    “I can’t hide behind my hair anymore,” I said, as I left the hair salon looking like Tinkerbell.

    “There is no reason for you to hide,” said Duffy, who gave me a hug.

    It wasn’t until I was seated in the passenger seat of my brother’s car at a South Beach stoplight that reality hit. It had usually been shoes that caught my eye, but now I was staring at an aqua-and-black fedora. The woman wearing it waved and smiled. I didn’t want to be rude, so I waved back thinking she had mistaken me for somebody else.

    What followed was painful. I heard her say, as she crossed the dark street, “I thought it was a guy.” Her friends laughed at her.

    No one had ever questioned my femininity. Women had stared at me, because they liked my shoes, or my clothes caught their attention. Never because they thought I was a man. I got out of the car and speed-walked toward the beach.

    I crossed streets recklessly, tears rolling down my face. On Collins Avenue, I stopped a woman with a shaved head. I explained my situation and asked her about hers.

    “I shave it for fun. It’s my look,” said Muriel Amisodar, 40, who hails from Canada. “Without hair, my face is always glowing.”

    She exuded confidence.

    “You be proud of your beauty when the hair falls,” Amisodar said, before hugging me goodbye.

    I promised I would try.

    Read more: MiamiHerald.com

    My Thoughts:

    A person who can write about her disease is a strong person, I have faith that Andrea will get through this. In life we sometimes don’t understand why things happen to us, we can only surpass it and keep living and moving forward.

    My prayers are with you Andrea, stay strong and keep writing.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    You can see Andrea’s story HERE

  • How do I tell my husband that I want a divorce?

    The Question:

    I have fallen out of love with my husband. I’m no really in love with him. He just kinda … became a bore to me and I’m getting sick of him. Also he has gained a lot of weight over the past few years and I’m not very attracted to him anymore.

    I just don’t feel the same anymore as I used to. I’m ready to move on into the next chapter in my life. How do I tell the man that I want a divorce?

    My Response:

    Dear Divorce;

    Sometimes we fall out of love and that’s okay, it just wasn’t meant to be, but we usually fall out of love because of reasons other than he just gained some weight over the years, because weight can be changed. However, if you really are ready to move on and you are not happy, it is not healthy to stay in this relationship and it is better for the both of you that you move your separate ways. It is not going to be easy, but no one can really tell you how to tell your husband you want a divorce. You can either do it in the comfort of your home or you can pick a public place to tell him (just in case you think he might make a scene). Be honest with him and tell him how you have been feeling and that you want a divorce. (I would leave the weight part out, but that’s just me). There really is no easy way to do this, so you made the decision to move on, make that decision to get up and tell him how you feel. Good luck

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com