Just another WordPress site

Tag: love

  • My husband hit me but I want him back…

    The Question:

    Me and my husband of 6 weeks got into a big fight and he put his hands on me.I went to the cops and he’s in jail. I want to drop the charges on him; I love him and we’ve been together for 6 years what should I do? Am I stupid to want him back?

    My Response:

    Dear Abused;

    You aren’t stupid, it’s natural to want someone back that you love, and sometimes we try to find excuses for the people that hurt us. Unfortunately it starts with putting his hands on you once and asking for forgiveness, stating he would never touch you again, then it goes into him hitting you again and making you feel like it’s your fault. It’s never a persons fault for getting hit, because no one ever deserves that kind of abuse. You did the right thing by calling the cops and I know it’s hard because you just got married, but you have been with him for 6 years, has he never once in that time placed a hand on you? Some men don’t become abusive until after they get married, because they feel it’s harder for the women to leave them. It’s ultimately your choice here on whether to drop the charges or not, personally, I think any man who hits a women deserves to be in jail and more. If he’s never done this before, offer marriage counseling, and anger management classes and go from there, but if this is something that has happened in the past, and you keep coming up with excuses for him and saying you love him and feeling bad for putting him in jail then STOP! You are worth so much more than that, you deserve someone who will love you so much they would NEVER lay a hand on you. Respect yourself enough to not get treated that way.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Is there hope after love?


    The Question:

    “I don’t love you any more” I will never forget the day my wife told me those words…we have only been married for less than a year and been together for two years before that but it still felt like my my whole life was falling apart…people tell me I’m lucky we had no kids or that it happened now instead of 20 years down the road but that doesn’t seem to take away from the fact that I love her more than any thing…to be told your not loved by the person you built your world around will knock you down and I’m finding it very hard to get back up. I’ve moved away and I’m starting a new job but my hart seems to be stuck in the past, I still love her even thought I know there is no real hope of us ever being together again. I’ve started drinking which I never do but it seems to be the only thing that takes away some of the pain if only for a few hours; anyway this is not really a question its just me asking for others story of hope and recovery from losing love. Please tell me how you got over your loss of love and that’s its going to get better…right????

    My Response:

    Dear Lost Love;

    Being told by the person you think you’re going to spend the rest of your life with that they don’t love you anymore is heartbreaking, world shattering news. It’s like a train runs you over and you can’t move. A brick wall is standing in front of you and you don’t know where to go. Truth is, even though it hurts right now, and even though you feel like you will always love her and only her, time passes and does heal all wounds. It is true what people say, it’s better now that you didn’t have kids together, it’s better now than 20 years down the road after you lived half your life together, it’s just better now. This is true, but it doesn’t mean it’s going to make you feel better about the situation. You have to think though, did you want to stay in a marriage full of lies, filled with someone you loved so much but doesn’t love you back in return? Don’t you think you deserve to be loved the way you love them? There is no big secret about how to move on, there is no “do this”; “do that”, and you will get over it. Everyone is different and we all move on in different ways. As for your drinking, if it’s to try to make the pain go away, then that’s a problem, drinking doesn’t solve sadness, it only increases it. If you are noticing that you are drinking more, than you should be able to control it. It’s not easy moving forward when you thought you already had your life planned out with someone, but this is a new beginning, you have a new job a new place a new life…Think positive, I know it’s hard, but I promise, things do get better.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Newly married & cheated on

    The Question:

    I just found out my husband is cheating on me, he keeps denying it and yet he keeps telling me he’s sorry. I’d been suspecting for a while and now I have proof, when I confronted him, he denied it and he kept telling me he’s sorry, I’m so sad because I love him very much and what I don’t understand is we’re newly married, is he fed up of me already? I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know if I can forgive him and move on.


    My Response:

    Dear Newly Wed;

    Have you showed your husband the proof so that he can’t deny that he is actually cheating on you? This is a hard situation to be in and no one should have to go through what you are going through, especially so early in your marriage, but with that said, it is better to have found this out now rather than 5 or 10 years down the road. The trust is broken and it is very hard to get that back after someone has cheated on the relationship. I say show him the proof and move on. It isn’t going to be easy but you deserve so much better than someone who is telling you they love you, married you and then cheated on you. Life is too short to stay with someone who would hurt you like that.

    Don’t blame yourself for his actions, it isn’t something that you did wrong, unfortunately men just think with the wrong head. It doesn’t mean that he loved you any less, but it does show a lack of respect for you and your marriage. You deserve a love that won’t cheat on you.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Life’s speed bumps

    Life’s Speed Bumps

    In life we get some speed bumps that we can race through with just a little bump on the head and sometimes in life there are speed bumps that you have to slow down with, take your time and go over it, watching things pass by and watching the people you don’t even know race on beside you. Unfortunately life doesn’t have a sign that warns you about a speed bump like the sign above, in life we just come to a slow bump where we know; this is it….this is my speed bump in life…

    Where are we going?

    At my age you start to think about the future. What’s next, where am I going, what do I WANT in life? I’m not a teenager, I’m not in my early 20’s but I’m not old either, I’m just in between trying to find my way. Sure I have some regrets in life; like most we try not to regret, I try not to because we can’t change the past we can only change the future. (Okay, okay I know I sound like a commercial); but it’s true. I don’t regret many things in life, even the worst parts of my life I don’t regret, because it taught me lessons and it made me grow into who I am today. (Which isn’t so bad if I say so myself). The one thing I wish I had more ambition for, the one thing I wish I would have just finished was (if you guessed it) yes School. I’m still moving forward towards my bachelors and I have a long way to go, sometimes I am not even sure what I’ll finish studying, but I wish I had done it when I was younger, I wish I had finished and I would be doing it right now instead of struggling, working full time and going to school. Some people don’t know how tough it is, and some well I can’t complain, I have no kids and some people are full time workers, and full time parents and still manage to go to school and finish. I give 100% respect for those people, because I just don’t know where they find the time and energy to keep going.

    My thoughts:

    Like you haven’t been already hearing them; well my thoughts on this – move forward and keep on pushing. Sure I complain sometimes, and I get stressed and I wish like hell I had finished school or would just finish already because it’s so hard, but I keep going, I keep moving forward and I give thanks for all the things I do have that others don’t. Life gives you speed bumps, some you can go fast and some you just have to slow down, have patience and move forward. This is my speed bump, this is my journey and one way or the other I’m going over this speed bump. I’ll get to where I want to be and maybe one day you’ll actually see an article about me in a magazine
    🙂

    Until next time…

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Is this the way marriage is suppose to be?

    The Question:

    Been married for almost 3 yrs and been together for 4. My hubby and I started going to therapy to learn how to communicate better with each other. Plus he is one that holds everything inside and lets it brew not to mention the pure hell his last wife put him through and the abusive relationship that I was in.

    Anyways, therapy was going very good for awhile then all hell broke lose. If I mention one thing about his kids and how I feel disrespected by them or how I feel that they are being handed everything my hubby flips out. We agree on things and then he does what he wants with OUR money meaning we both work full time and both contribute to the bank account. One issue is we are paying for his sons car insurance and not my daughter. Neither one of these kids live with us and both are high school graduates with full time jobs.

    His mother is constantly telling me how the love of his life was his ex and that’s where he wants to be for the sake of the kids. She will also tell my co workers my personal business and then deny she said anything. My hubby says nothing to her, he tells me to let it roll. And that she talks about everyone.

    His kids are disrespectful to me and my hubby claims they are joking. His 15 yr old son told me last week that I don’t make the rules around here, his dad does. And his dad says what goes, not me. This is my house that my hubby moved into. We don’t own it together nor rent it. This same young man told me before he didn’t have to listen to me he only had to listen to his dad, mom and his moms BF because he had the money. Again my hubby said or did nothing.

    When we were planning our wedding. I asked his two daughters and his niece to part of the wedding and he was sitting there when they were asked. About a week later I was talking to his oldest daughter (from another mother) via Facebook or Myspace (the ex wont allow her kids to be friends with me on either of these networks) and we were talking about the wedding. His ex told my hubby that their daughter was really upset because she wasn’t invited to participate in the wedding and wanted to be part of it. I tried to explain to my hubby that she was invited and he was there when we were talking about it. He couldn’t remember that day.So again I invited her and told her what we wanted her to do. She agreed once again. When our wedding came the daughter refused to do anything. She sat there and texted the entire time. He said or did nothing about it after making an issue out of it.

    Now at therapy he says all I do is complain. What am I suppose to do allow his kids to say or do whatever they want while at our house? Leave their messes every where? Only have sex when my hubby wants it? Ignore what his mother says no matter how much it hurts me? Keep handing out to his kids constantly while my daughter gets nothing? And sit and watch Xbox every weekend for 6-8 hrs at a time or watch tv in the bedroom? Not expect to have date nights on any weekend unless the kids mother has plans for them? According to my hubby it seems if I live by these rules then everyone will be happy!

    My Response:

    You obviously aren’t happy, being in a relationship where kids are involved from a previous marriage is always hard, that is why it’s best to date for a long time and make sure that the kids aren’t going to be a problem. A lot of what you mentioned happened right before you got married and you have been married now for 4 years, you need to sit down with your husband and communicate. This is why you went to counseling to begin with (to communicate) so sit down with him and explain to him what you are feeling, explain that things need to change, you need to feel respected by both his kids, mother and himself. He can’t always just take the kids side or they will never respect you. If he doesn’t want to change then you have to really think if this is the type of marriage you want to stay in? You said “According to my hubby it seems if I live by these rules then everyone will be happy!” Yes everyone will be happy, everyone except the one person that matters…. YOU! Stick up for yourself, communicate with your husband and try to resolve these issues, if you let them slide more, it is only going to get worse. As it is it’s already been 4 + years. If you want this marriage to work things need to change, if not you aren’t going to be happy. Respect yourself to know when you aren’t being respected.

    Good Luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • What would you do if you were in love with your friend’s girlfriend?

    The-Question:

    My friend and his girlfriend have been together for 11 months and are happy and in love but I think I’m in love with her. I’d never do anything about it and even when they broke up I wouldn’t as she’d be his ex but I can’t stop thinking about her. What would you do?

    My response:

    Dear ‘friend’;

    I don’t think you are in love, I think you are infatuated with the idea of love. You see your friend happy with another girl, a girl that is easy to get along with because you like her as a friend, pretty, interesting and it’s easy to get all these mixed feelings. If you are a true friend and they are happy then leave it alone, try finding yourself another girl to date (there are plenty other girls out there other then your friends girlfriend), never go for the friends girlfriend, unless you want to risk loosing your friendship. If they break up and time has passed you can always ask your friend if he’d mind you dating her but even if he said yes things may be awkward and the girl might not feel the same way about you. You will still be risking your friendship. Some guys don’t mind if a friend dates an ex girlfriend, or at least that’s what they say to your face, but put yourself in his shoes, would you want him dating one of your ex-girlfriends? I’m not sure why you are even thinking about “if” they broke up if you say they have been together for 11 months and in love. I say just keep moving, don’t stop, and find another girl, NEVER go for your friends girl unless you don’t care about your friendship.

    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    Found on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My mum is having an affair i have seen letters from another man to prove it what should i do?

    The Question:

    Hey I’m 18 and have a little sister who is 14 and wondered if you could help. Well about a year ago my sister wanted to speak to me about something and that’s when she told me that mum was having an affair because she had seen messages on her phone and she just broke down in my arms and just cried and this has been going on ever since. I dint know what to do so i told my dad about this. Every Friday she says that she goes out with friends for a meal but we don’t believe this and think that she is going to see him. And every time my sister has baton twirling she tends to go out and say that she is either going for a walk or going shopping on her own which is something she has never done. Every time she gets a text she hides it and even takes her phone with her everywhere she goes. But when i manage to get a chance i always have a look at her phone and find messages from him. I found the letters at the weekend which had some awful things on there, and they have been together a year i think in may. And we all know that it is a person that she works with baring in mind apparently he is married with two children just like my mum is. I just feel really sorry for my dad in a way because he has never done anything to deserve this i just don’t understand. I always try to confront her about it but she constantly denies it which i think is one of the reasons that there are constant arguments around the house. My dad knows but will not do anything all he keeps telling me is that he is biding his time. What should i do leave it to my dad or confront her myself, but beforehand when i spoke to her about it she just said that he was a really close mate. I’m so scared to confront her though as i don’t want to break the family up. Please someone help what should i do?

    My response:

    Dear stuck in the middle;

    This is something that no teenager or daughter/son should have to deal with it. This is something your parents have to deal with on their own. I know it’s hard, but you already confronted your dad about it, and he already knows something is going on. I know it’s hard to just sit back and watch all this happen, watch your family fall apart, while you sit back and do nothing. The thing is, no matter what you try to do, there really isn’t anything you can do. Your parents are adults and they know what they are doing. Your mother knows that what she is doing is wrong, but she continues to do it, and go back home and pretend everything is fine, when everyone in that house knows it isn’t. Your dad knows what’s going on but he can be either in denial or he doesn’t know how to approach the situation. It’s hard for a person to find out that their spouse is cheating on them, it’s not easy to take that all in, especially when he has a family to think about. He may be thinking that he’s staying with your mom because of you girls, and that he doesn’t want to hurt you guys, but what he doesn’t realize is, that staying is hurting you guys more, because the both of you already know what’s been going on for more then a year, and you sit back and have to see your dad in pain. Talk to your dad again and tell him how you feel. If it makes you feel better, then I say go ahead and talk to your mom. Let her know that you know, that to stop lying and hiding it from you. I don’t know what these letters you found said so I am assuming it’s hard evidence into your mothers affair. If this is the case, then like I said, if it will help you sleep a little better confronting your mother, go for it. Just know that this may not change things, she may still deny it, unless you catch her in the act, where she can’t deny it any longer, confront your dad, and tell him that you don’t want to live this lie anymore, it’s only hurting your family more. I know you don’t want to break the family up, but know that you aren’t, none of this was ever or will ever be your fault or your sisters or your fathers. Your mom knows what she is doing, and she is the only one breaking up your family by doing this. It’s hard and painful and I am sorry that you have to go through this, BUT sit down with your parents and tell them how you are feeling. Keeping things inside, pretending it isn’t happening isn’t going to make things better. Standing up and saying how you feel isn’t going to make it your fault if your parents separate, the only person to blame is the person who cheated. Be patient, I know right now it feels like things can’t get any worse, and you feel helpless, but life will get better. Good luck and I hope that your family can work things out.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com