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Tag: love

  • Advice Column: My husband’s cheated

    Advice Column: My husband’s cheated. Image found on google.com/images

    Advice Column: My husband’s cheated…

    The Question:

    I’m getting confused about my husband…

    My husband has started being secretive about things, hiding passwords and such. I recently was able to see his Facebook page and my thoughts were true, [sic] he’s on there chatting with other women and giving his number out. When I confronted him with this, he took me off his friends page so I couldn’t even see what he is doing. He cheated once before so the trust isn’t strong between us. Also a young girl that really isn’t my friend told me she has been friends with him and that he is willing to be more than friends. He is asking for her number and has yet to come out and say he is married. I’m getting to the point where I don’t want him around and I have to be almost drunk to have sex with him because its hard to want someone who clearly doesn’t want you. I’m going into a state of depression and I know it wont be good for my kids to see me like this. I have asked him to leave many time but he claims he wont because there is nothing wrong with flirting. What do I do?

    (Edited)

    My Response:

    Dear Open Your Eyes;

    Let’s start with the fact that the trust is already gone because he has already cheated on you once. That should have been the first sign to get out! If your husband took you off his friends list on his Facebook, I would definitely think something is going on. You already saw his Facebook and got proof that he is talking to other women and giving his number out (although there is no proof that he has physically cheated on you, this is still a form of emotional cheating), you also said that another woman told you that he would be more than friends with her and you were never even mentioned as his wife. What more do you want?

    Do you need to actually catch him cheating on you again, to finally realize that this guy is a looser and that he really does not love you? I’m sorry and I don’t mean to be harsh, but you need to wake up and realize that you can do so much better then this guy. You said it yourself “I have to be almost drunk to have sex with him because it’s hard to want someone who clearly doesn’t want you.” You already know what you need to do and although you said he won’t leave even after you asked him, you need to tell him that this ISN’T HIS CHOICE to make.

    He needs to get out of your house, or you will leave somewhere else with the kids. I don’t know if you have family or friends that you can talk to, but if you do you need to see if you can stay with them. Tell him you want his stuff out of the house by a certain date and you will not return until it is done. You have kids with this man, and it is not good to be depressed and for them to see what their father is doing to you. He needs to grow up and commit. He obviously was not ready for that the first time he cheated on you. And like I said earlier that should have been a clear sign to get out! I know it’s easier said than done but you need to get him out of your home and you need to pull your life back together with your kids. Stay strong and remember that no man should ever treat a woman the way your husband has treated you. There is no excuse to cheat or take you off his Facebook or lie to your face about talking to other women. If he’s lying to your face about something you saw with your own eyes this should make you wonder, what else he is lying about. Stay strong and move on with your life. You deserve a real man to love you and be with you. Good luck!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Advice Column: Sleep with my professor?

    Advice Column: Sleep with my professor? Image found on google.com/images

    Advice Column: Sleep  with my professor?

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I am a junior in college and my professor is really young. he is 33 years old and I am 22 and every time I see him I get all tingly down stairs. After class we have met a few times to go over some school work. We flirt a little but nothing as ever happened. I don’ know if to make the first move or see if he finally make a move. This semester finishes in August and I didn’t know if to wait until the semester finishes or just to go for it now. The excitement of dating my professor and having sex with him on his desk gets me excited just thinking about it. Should I just make the first move or wait?
    ~Professor Crush

    My Response:

    Dear Professor Crush;

    Although it might be exciting to sleep with your professor, I am sure that there are rules about dating your professor. With that said there is nothing wrong with some harmless flirting and letting him know you like him. You want to make sure he really is flirting with you and not just being nice. Sometimes we can take niceness the wrong way. August is around the corner so you might as well wait and see what happens afterwards. You might just like him for the thrill of actually sleeping with your professor. If this is the case, then move on and start enjoying your last few years in college. Go out and find some guys your age and a guy who isn’t off limits. Good luck

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    (2011)

  • Advice Column: New Chick or Old Chick?

    Advice Column: New Chick or Old Chick?

    Dear kristin nicole;

    Ok I need some help. I just started dating this new chick a month ago, we were acquaintances before we started dating. I liked her so much (mostly because she is hot) that I cut it off the previous girl I was dating (equally hot) because that one was going downhill fast. And I wanted to start new and fresh without anyone in the way. This new chick was in the same situation as me as she stopped talking to the one person she was dating as they were going downhill as well. So we were basically in the same situation when we started seeing each other. Everything was great for this whole month until I found out yesterday that she is still hanging out with her ex. When I confronted her she admitted it but stated they are just friends. To top it off they are neighbors so it’s not like they can’t see each other. I’m very upset at this situation because I stopped talking to the one I was dating previous to this new chick and then she does this to me. Also the previous chick is begging me back and pleading to see me. I decline her advances to me but I still talk to her here and there. What should I do? Should I go back to the previous chick (which has its own set of problems) or should I just stay with the new chick knowing that she still sees her ex?

    Thanks,
    Confused dude

    Dear Confused dude;

    I think that if she is still talking to her ex and didn’t tell you can mean two things, one that she still has feelings for him so she hid the the fact that he lives next door and that she still talks to him or two she figured you might get a little jealous and since there is nothing going on figured telling you would only make things questionable, which in fact it has. I think she should have been honest with you and if there is nothing going on with the ex then there is no reason for her to hide anything from you. If you really like this new girl then you need to talk to her, ask her what is up? Ask her straight out about her ex, if she still has feelings for him then you don’t want to be involved with a girl who can’t make up her mind, if she says nothing is going on with her ex and she really likes you, then you have one of two choices, believe her (because she has never shown you otherwise that she may be lying) or decide that you can’t deal with it and move on. As for the first girl – Stop keeping her around, tell her you are just not interested in her like that (of course say this in a nice way), but don’t even bother with someone that you already know is complicated. Why would you want that in your life? Don’t ever settle just because it is easy, if you really like someone and they like you it should happen easily.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Advice Column: This guy I met is too clingy

    Advice Column: This guy I met is too clingy. Image by: Google.com/images

     

    Dear Kristin Nicole,

    I met this guy and we have gone on a few dates, however now he’s constantly calling me and he already wants me to be his girlfriend and we have only known each other for about three weeks. On top of it all he’s in his late 40’s living with his mom. That’s not the bad part, it’s fine if you are single and you need to help your mom out, but his mom works and has no car, and he is constantly doing things with his mom. One day I asked if he wanted to do lunch instead of dinner because I’m a single mom and I was going out that night with my daughter. He said he couldn’t because he was going to trade in his car and he was going with his mom. I feel like it’s becoming too much. Can we say “Mama’s Boy”? On top of it all he was ready to invite himself over to my house one day and I told him no, because as I mentioned before I have a teenage daughter and I am not going to bring any guy into my house. He also has teenage children with a previous marriage that live out of the Country but he failed to mention this to me until just recently. He told me that he has an 11 month old daughter with another woman, who also lives outside of the country. I don’t think I want to deal with someone who hides his children, lives for their mother only, and is now nonstop calling me. He’s a nice guy, but I’m just not ready for a relationship, let alone with someone like him. I have been avoiding his phone calls but what should I do?

    ~ Dating a mama’s boy

    Dear Dating a mama’s boy,

    If it’s only been three weeks, this is good. This means you haven’t invested much time in figuring out this guy just isn’t for you. If he really wanted to see you the day you offered to have lunch with him, he could have invited you to go with him car shopping either with his mom or leaving his mom at home and taking you instead. Inviting himself to your house is also a little pushy, especially since he knows you have a daughter. I think you did the right thing by stopping him. As for all his children, I think it’s a bad start if he told you off the bat about the first two children but forgot to mention his 11 month old daughter, that he has with another woman. It seems like it’s too much already for just knowing him three weeks. I think that if he is a nice guy though, that you should at least pick up the phone or call him and let him know that you just aren’t ready for a relationship right now and you can stay friends if you like. Most men don’t like to hear “the friend speech” but it’s better to be honest with him without hurting his feelings, then just ignoring his phone calls. Now move on, and if you’re not ready for a relationship then enjoy being single and enjoy time with your daughter, one day the right man will come along.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    (Edited 2011)

  • Advice Column: I don’t think I love my girlfriend anymore

    Advice Column: I don’t think I love my girlfriend anymore – Photo found on google.com/images

     

    The Question:

    We’ve known each other for nearly 6 years now and have been together for 2 of them. We pretty much live together as it is between her place and mine. Before we were going out I always wanted to be with her and I felt so strongly about her and loved her so much when we got together. But in the past few months I don’t feel like I love her anymore. I don’t want to be around her or talk to her.

    I understand that when your with someone for a long time you get your down time for a while but I’ve had these thoughts before. The longer we’ve been together the more I don’t want to be with her. The only thing is we’re 16/17 and I’m her second boyfriend, and I helped her through her first break up and I don’t want to hurt her the way her ex did. I just feel like sh*t when I’m with her. We were so much better when we were just friends. Anyway, please can someone help me out? I don’t want to hurt her but I don’t want to be with her anymore and I feel so much sh*tter [sic] when she mentions marriage and how her parents and family think we’ll get married cause I’m so good for her. HELP!

    My Response:

    Dear Young Love;

    Telling her the truth and not leading her on will be the first step. She will get hurt regardless because she loves you but in the end she will realize that you telling her the truth about how you feel is better then living a lie. You are super young, you guys are only 16/17 and you both have so much more dating left to do. I do not understand how her parents can possibly think marriage at your age, but don’t worry so much about everyone else and what they think, worry about how you feel. You do not want to pretend to be happy in a relationship and you do not want to lead her on into thinking that one day you will get married when you know deep down that will never happen. It’s hard and you are going to have to sit down with her and tell her how you feel. In the end even if she doesn’t see what a great guy you are by telling her the truth now, eventually she will. Don’t ever settle for someone just because you do not want to hurt their feelings. Relationships are hard and when one person wants to end it there is always one person who’s feelings will get hurt, but it’s better you do it now then later down the road. Staying with her longer and then telling her you don’t want to be with her will only hurt her more. Communication is key to any relationship and I think you will be a great boyfriend to another girl one day, but you have to think about you and you have to think about her. It’s not fair for her to keep believing you love her when you don’t. Tell her how you feel, and although it won’t be easy, you can finally move on and start dating other girls. Live your life, you are still young and have so much more experiences to live for. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

    (2011)

  • How do I express myself?

    Express yourself. image by: google.com/images

    Expressing yourself can sometimes be hard. If you are angry do you tell the person you are fighting with what you feel right then and there? Or should you wait until you cool off and have a more focused mind set? Sometimes letting it out in the moment allows you to really tell the person how you feel but sometimes it’s better to cool off and talk calmly with each other in order to avoid words you may regret later.

    Sometimes there comes a time when you argue with your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, or friend, and sometimes you get so angry you can’t express your feelings. In my case I try to talk in the moment but if I get too frustrated I close myself off because I can’t fathom having a conversation with that person. When I try to say what I am thinking sometimes I over think my thoughts and I end up stoping my self, leaving myself with no words to say.

    Why do we do this? Why is it so hard for women and men to say what they feel? Are we afraid of what the other person might say? SOMETIMES, For me that is the case. I’m afraid to get into a bigger argument when I just want them to understand what I am feeling, but that doesn’t always work.

    So I find it easier to express myself sometimes through email, letters or text. I know this shouldn’t be the solution but sometimes it’s the only way to get what I feel out in the open. It’s better to get it out one way than not at all. Right?!?

    In my letter I try to really go into details on what I feel but you still want to make sure you aren’t crossing the line somewhere. Sometimes in letters the person reading it may interpret your words differently and you don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings, unless taht is your intentions of course.

    I found a website that talks about relationships and communication, and I truly believe that communication is the KEY to a healthy and long relationship. You can’t hold things inside because in the end you will only blow up, and that isn’t good for either one of you. This website tries to help MEN communicate better. For those men who have problems communicating check this website out and click HERE.

    Even though the website indicates how to communicate more for men towards women, I think it’s good for women to read it as well. Some of women might be a little more like men then we think. Open up to your other half and tell them how you feel, but don’t attack them with your words, just tell them that you only want them to know how you are feeling and what can “we” do to fix it.

    Assumptions are the termites of relationships. ~Henry Winkler.

    xo
    kristin nicole

  • I’m too involved in my daughters life and it’s taking me away from my son and husband

    Over Involved Mother – image by: google.com/images

    The Question:

     Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I am way too involved in my nearly 15 year old daughter’s life. It consumes me and my happiness seems to be dependent on how happy she is. I find myself getting too involved in social issues and give advice often before she asks for it. We have a great relationship and she tells me so much but I sometimes wish she didn’t. Lately I have lost sleep worrying about girl issues and boyfriend issues. She is extremely attractive and athletic and often suffers from jealous girls trying to knock her down. Lately these girls have been trying to turn boys against her and have succeeded to a point. She says it doesn’t worry her but I struggle to believe that. She says she is fine but I just can’t stop worrying and giving advice. I need to stop before I ruin the wonderful relationship we have had and she stops telling me things. It’s just that I know what can potentially happen and I am trying to protect her from it. Help me to stop as i am neglecting my 11 year old son and husband that is all that is consuming my thoughts. I am an educated person with a degree so I should know better! (Edited by: KN)

    My Response:

    Dear Over involved mom;

    I know it’s hard to not worry about your daughter, but you have already passed the first step of realizing you are too involved. You have to accept that your daughter needs to make her own mistakes and you need to try to let what she tells you not bother you. If your daughter is open with you and she is telling you that she is okay, you need to believe her and let her come to you if things aren’t okay. Start making time for mother and son day. I can only imagine that things in common with an 11 year old son may be difficult but try to see what he wants to do and start giving him attention as well. Also try to make time for a date night with your husband and talk to him about how you are feeling. If you don’t explain to him how you feel then he won’t understand what it is you are going through. If you talk to him then at least he will have a better understanding on what is going on with you. Remember communication is key, let him help you and get your mind off things. Remember teenagers will have ups and downs, that’s why it’s called teenage years, so try not to worry so much about your daughter. It sounds to me like she’s a smart girl, and she already knows she can come to you if she needs you. Start focusing on the good and don’t over analyze everything she tells you.
    Good Luck
    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • I want to meet her parents but she doesn’t want me to

    Meet the Parents. Image found: google.com/images

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I am from Vietnamese . It’s my pleasure to be your Friend on Facebook. I’ve read alot of your article at ” Soapnights.com ” . I see a lot of useful advices you’ve given to everybody when they have a problem. Today, I want to tell you a story about myself . I have fallen in love with my present girlfriend of one and half years. She is older than me by one year. We know everything about each other, I love her and she love me too. Now, I am a last year student at Science and Technology school, she graduated a year ago, she is working for a company at the same city where I ‘m studying. Two month ago, I introduced her to my parents. Because she is very good and kind my parents like her very much. I am very happy about that. I offered to visit her parents, they live in another city about 250 kilometers far from my location, but she refused me several times. She had many reasons about it. I don’t know why and because I asked her several times to visit her parents I don’t want to ask her again. I really want to see them and I think it will be very good if I have a good relationship with her parents. I don’t know what to do? I hope you can give me some advices about this problem . Thank you very much!
    Truly yours, (Revised by Kristin Nicole 12/11/12)

    ~Meet Parents

    My Response:

    Dear Meet Parents;

    Good Morning.

    Thank you for following up with articles on Soapnights, I truly appreciate it.

    Now to your questions… You need to try and sit down with your girlfriend, and tell her you want an honest answer as to why she doesn’t want you to meet her parents. Tell her how it makes you feel when she doesn’t give you a straight answer and that you want to know the reason for her not wanting you to meet them. It can be a few reasons behind why she doesn’t want you meeting them, but you aren’t going to get an answer unless you sit her down and talk to her. I know you have tried several times, but if she is refusing for you to meet her parents, then something is not right with that. A person who is in love should want the other person to meet their parents, as you did with her. I would get to the bottom of this and tell her that if she is serious about your relationship, this is the next step you want to take. You have to wonder though, why she is really being resistant to you meeting her parents. It is either she doesn’t want them to meet you, or she doesn’t want you to meet them. Whatever the reason, you need to be honest with how you feel and tell her this is what you want. Good luck.

    xo,

    kristin nicole

  • Never Before

    Never Before. Image by: Tony Carrera

    Hold me like you’ll never let me go
    Love me like I’ve never felt before
    Kiss me until the stars shine down
    Make love to me and watch my world go round.

    I never thought I would love again
    but you showed me what it is
    It isn’t flowers and hearts
    but what I feel within.

    You showed me what it was to cry
    How to wipe away my tears
    you showed me I was better than that
    you showed me how to live
    you showed me to believe in me
    and never give up hope
    you showed me your heart

    I look at you and I love you
    I see what you can be
    if only I believed in me
    the way you do
    I would go a thousand miles just to see your face
    cross the mountains just to hear your voice
    cross an ocean to feel your arms around me
    if only you can see
    that what we have together is not just a memory

    Hold me like you’ll never let me go
    Love me like I’ve never been loved before
    Kiss me until the stars shine down
    Make love to me and watch my world go round.

    ©kristin nicole – 2012

  • When you left

    When you left…. image by: google.com/images

    When you left

    When you left
    I couldn’t breath
    I had to take one step at a time to make myself believe
    The pain ran through my veins
    My heart skipped a beat
    And every time I thought of you
    I lied there in disbelief.

    When you left
    My world fell apart
    Everything around me disappeared from the start
    I didn’t think I could move
    But I kept everything inside
    Without you, my world can’t comply.

    I sit there staring at the sky
    Wishing you could hear me
    Wishing you were here
    Why did you have to leave me, when everything about us was real?

    Death comes in different forms
    But yours was very slow
    I got to hold on
    But it wasn’t you anymore
    I try to think of you when the days were warm
    When we loved like there was no tomorrow

    You showed me there was love
    You showed me there was hope
    And I will always love you
    I will always miss you
    I will always remember you

    Because even though you see me walking
    Inside a part of me died with you
    I’ll never get that back until I see you again

    Every day I think of you my heart skips a beat
    Deep down inside you will always be with me
    Until the day I see you again my love
    You will forever remain in my heart.

    © Written by: Kristin Nicole – September 2012

    Dedicated to all those who have lost someone. Two friends of mine lost their step father recently to cancer, and I cannot imagine the pain they have to go through. The pain their mother is going through. I started writing this because I was thinking about the people I have lost in my life, and I started thinking about them and what they had to endure throughout his sickness. My prayers and thoughts are with them and to all those who have lost a loved one.

    xo,
    kristin nicole