~Written a long time ago for a friend stuck in a bad relationship. Thankfully she was able to realize that he was no good for her, and she is now with someone she loves very much and who loves her back.
I knew someone for a short time , but I’m into him as well as he is into me. I like him so much but I’m a very religious person and I asked him if he has had sex before, he said yes, and this is a big issue for me and I don’t like it.
I respect the fact that he was very honest with me and that he started to get close to my religion in the short time we have known each other, but I’m afraid for the following issues:
First, he was having sex not making love, by this I mean he was not in a relationship, he just had sex with those girls, without actually loving them. He did it with these girls, girls that will just have sex with any man, and I don’t like this mentality. I can’t accept it easily!
Second, I’m afraid that I’ve never done it before, so I may not be as good as those girls he slept with before. He might miss these previous relationships after our marriage.
The third issue, is that my breast are very small, he may not like it and as you know I will not make love to him before we get married. (This is according to my religion). So I’m afraid that he won’t like it.
What do you think about these issues? I’ll speak to him about it but I need your opinion first .. & .. thank you in advance Kristin
(Revised by: Kristin Nicole)
~ Marriage before Sex
My Response:
Dear Marriage before Sex;
I understand that in your religion you have to wait to be married before having sex, if you are thinking of being with someone that does not have those same beliefs you need to accept their past. Just because he slept with other women before you does not mean that he will think differently of you. You need to be happy with who you are and what you have, don’t worry about having small breast or the fact that you have not had sex. If he is with you then he already finds you attractive. You do need to make sure that he understands your beliefs and that you are not going to have sex with him unless you are married. If he is okay with that and really cares for you then the rest will go from there. You can not judge someone for their actions and their beliefs because they are different than yours, if he is a good man and he treats you right, then you need to leave his past in the past. If you feel that you cannot get over the fact that he has slept with other women then you need to really think about being with him, because you do not want to hold that against him. It is very natural now a days for a man and a woman to have sex and not make love, it doesn’t make it right or wrong but it happens. You have to look past that if you want to have a relationship with him, and he will need to respect you for your beliefs as well. Remember to always love yourself, don’t feel insecure about your body, we are born with what we have for a reason and the person we are with will love us for who we are and how we look.
When you finally feel in your heart that the person you are with is the person you want to share the rest of your life with, it’s important to make that one lasting memory of proposing to her last a life time…
Here are five romantic ideas on how to propose to your girlfriend:
5. Vacation Getaway – Take a romantic vacation getaway, either to a remote location, big city or a place you both like to travel to often. Most places will accommodate you if you ask them to. For example; if you are going to a remote location like a private beach, ask the hotel if you can light some candles down the pathway to where you want to propose, maybe have some flowers and champagne waiting for you at the end of the walk way. You can also set up something nice in the hotel room (get a nice view so that it makes it all the more beautiful). In a big city, you can pick any beautiful area in the city to propose to and if you go to a place you normally travel to it will definitely be unexpected, try to find a spot that you can always go back to.
4. Beach / Lake View – If you live near the beach, sunset is the best time to propose… well that’s my opinion but picture it – Sunset, flowers, and proposal – WOW. If you don’t live near a beach you can propose by a beautiful Lake setting, anything near the water is absolutely beautiful and breathtaking.
3. Park or Historic Area – If you have beautiful parks in your area, you can go on a walking trail, try to have someone help you set up a setting so when you reach the trail it’s set up for a surprise. If you go to a historic area, I’m sure they will help you out and you can whisk your girlfriend away to a memory she’ll never forget.
2. Family and Friend Setting – If your girlfriend likes the attention and you are absolutely sure she is going to say yes, then surprise her in front of her family and friends. She will love the surprise and the attention.
1. Intimate Private Moment – Home settings can be just as romantic. If you cannot afford to go on a vacation or go somewhere special your girlfriend is not going to care, the most important part is that you try to make it as romantic as possible. You can set candles up all over your house, add some nice music, champagne and you. There is nothing more romantic than a private setting.
There are millions of ways you can propose to your girlfriend, and at the end of the day even the not so planned proposals are romantic in their own way. The most important thing to remember is that you love each other, in the end nothing else matters.
If you love animals as much as I do you will love this website Wheresmypet.com.
WheresMyPet lets you post lost and found pets, essentially creating a virtual lost or found poster. Once you create your post, other users will find your post mainly by the search function of the website.
Wheresmypet has added some tools to help spread the word about your lost or found pet. In your post page you’ll find a ‘print a flyer’, Twitter and Facebook buttons. The print a flyer button will generate a printable PDF version of your post. The Twitter and Facebook buttons are meant to share posts with friends and other users and get the word out.
WheresMyPet has been launched since (late June 2010) and is consistently being improved and refined. New features will work their way in as users provide feedback and suggestions. Feel free to email them at contact@wheresmypet.com
I think this website is a great tool in helping people find lost and found pets. So many animals get lost and we post a picture on a tree or a post, but now a days the internet is such a big part of our lives, I think this website will grow and help so many people and their animals.
Every year we bring out the flowers and chocolate, the cards and the gifts. We express to those we love, just how much we love them. If you are in a new relationship we show how much we care, and if you are just going on a date to not be alone on Valentine, we show companionship. Everyone loves to be Loved on Valentine’s Day, I wrote a poem about how I feel and I wanted to share it with you.
Happy Valentine’s Day – If you are with someone you love – Enjoy this day and share the love you have with each other. If you are alone – Have hope and never give up, because one day you will feel loved by that special someone.
My Dearest Valentine
Today because it’s Valentine’s I tell you how I feel
I tell you how much I love you and how our love is real.
I tell you all the things that I hold in all year long
I don’t know why I wait so long to express my love.
I should tell you every day the feelings I hold inside
All the words I feel but never say
All the love I feel but never display
Today because it’s Valentine’s I tell you how I feel
I want you to know that I love you
And that our love is real
I want to tell you how you make me feel
The butterflies inside
How every time I look at you my feelings grow inside
When you kiss me I never want to let you go
When you hold me I feel safe
When I need you, I know I can count on you
You aren’t just my love
You’re my best friend
Today and always you will be
My dearest Valentine.
xo
kristin nicole
~ I love you Tony with all my heart and I look forward to many more Valentine’s Days together.~
Each year we think about things we can do on Valentine’s day. Some of us with our boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife and others who are single and can’t stand all the happy go lucky people who are getting ready to celebrate this holiday that was invented called Valentine’s Day.
I have come up with 5 ideas for couples to do on Valentine’s day and 5 ideas for those who are single.
~ Enjoy your night, it doesn’t have to cost you a fortune to be romantic, and have a nice night, just be inventive and be with that person you love….
5 Ideas for Couples:
5. Stay in and light up some candles, fresh flowers, message oils and you have your own private spa…. This spa should definitely lead to a ‘happy ending’.
4. Order Out – who says you have to get home from work and start cooking a gourmet meal? Order your favorite dish, place it on some nice plates, pop open the champagne or wine and BAM! Romantic dinner for two that took you 2 minutes to prepare.
3. Some people like to go out to dinner, so GO OUT! Make reservations, it doesn’t have to be the most known place, try picking a quiet, little place no one really knows about, this way you get seated right away and it feels a little more intimate than a big franchise restaurant.
2. Celebrate Valentine’s Day the weekend before. If you want to go out and not worry about having to wake up the next morning for work, celebrate it the weekend before. There isn’t a law that says you can’t. Go out to dinner on Saturday, get a few drinks, and talk the night away. Then head back home for some extra ‘cuddling’.
1. Plan a weekend vacation for Valentine’s. My boyfriend and I always do a mini vacation to Orlando and we go to Universal and Islands of Adventure. You can say it’s become a tradition of ours. We love it, during the day we get to act like kids and go on roller coasters and at night we become grown ups and we go out to dinner and have some drinks.
5 Ideas for those who are single:
5. Girls Night – If you have any single friends, plan a girls night – Order in your favorite dish (pizza, sushi etc). Rent a comedy movie and enjoy your night.
4. Pamper Yourself – While others are going out to dinner and being all lovey dovey, you can be enjoying a day at the spa. Take the day off from work or go after work. Get a massage and just relax.
3. Wine it up…. Some of us just like to feel sorry for ourselves. So if that’s what you like to do, there is nothing wrong with that. Open up a bottle of wine, grab a girly movie to watch and sip away…..This is the one time of year that we’ll forgive you for feeling down.
2. Blind Date? Okay so I’m not really one for blind dates, but I’ve heard some good stories. If you don’t want to be alone, have a friend fix you up. If you can… try to take a peak at that picture before you make your decision.
1. Do Nothing – Valentine’s lands on a Tuesday this year, so go to work, and finish your day off like you normally would.
Whether you are with someone or not, I hope you have a beautiful Valentine’s Day.
Sometimes we aim for a dream and it comes true, other times we aim and miss. I wanted this DREAM to come true so bad, I wanted it to come alive, for all my hard work to finally pay off. Then the news….. “Sorry we decided to go with someone else.” Life doesn’t teach you how to take rejection, it doesn’t teach you what to do next, or what to feel, or what to do. You take the tears and the pain and you keep moving forward.
In life we wish for the things we want for ourselves and our family, we dream big and we hope that one day, everything will fall into place. When we are hit with the disappointment of seeing our dreams come crashing down, we are filled with a pain so hard that we sometimes forget how to push that pain away to the side and keep pushing forward. We forget what it is to believe in HOPE. No one ever tells you how hard it is to be rejected, no one ever shows you what to do next. In life, we just do it, we just keep moving forward and we hope that one day, that dream will come true.
I’ll admit, I was crushed, I felt like I had it on the tip of my fingers, I had this faith inside me that my dream was finally coming true, only to hear those horrible words “Sorry & But”. Yes I cried, yes I felt sorry for myself and yes I almost wanted to just give up. But if I gave up, then what good will that be? I love to write, I love to help people with their problems and I’m not going to give up on myself just because someone else doesn’t believe in me. One day I’ll be everything I’ve ever dreamed of and more. I have people who believe in me and most importantly I believe in me.
When you start to lose faith in yourself, remember that where ever there is a storm of self-pity, there is always a rainbow shinning bright on the other side. Dream.Love.Believe.Hope
I’m 27. I’ve been with my girlfriend for a little over 3 years and we recently bought a house together, last year in fact. I feel like I don’t really love her anymore. not in that way at least. she’s a great person but she’s more like a best friend then my girlfriend. we don’t really have an intimate relationship. when I met her she was a virgin so nothing really happened for a while which is fine with me. but I think because we waited so long it killed those types of feelings for me. I tried to fight through it but it didn’t work and now I’m stuck in this position. I know life is short and I shouldn’t waste my time or hers if I’m not happy, I just don’t know how to go about it. thank you so much for listening I really do appreciate it.
~ Confused
My Response:
Dear Confused;
I don’t have to tell you that it would have been wise to really think about buying a home with someone if you were already feeling that you didn’t love her anymore. What’s done is done, now you have to think about the options you have to take. You are still young, don’t settle just because you just bought a house with your girlfriend, if you aren’t in love, you aren’t in love, and it isn’t fair to yourself or her you keep living a lie. The worst thing that can happen is that you lose your home and go into foreclosure, your credit gets messed up for a few years and you rebuild it. But let’s try to avoid that…. First you need to sit down with your girlfriend and really try to explain to her that you don’t want to hurt her but you are just not in love with her anymore. At the end of the day, those words are going to sting right through her. I’m not going to lie, it’s going to hurt her but at the end of the day it’s for the best. After talking to her you need to figure out what you want to do with the house. Did you go into the house 50/50 or did you buy the house alone? If you bought the house alone, then you have the rights to the house and you need to let her know that she needs to move out. Give her a deadline because if you don’t, sometimes the person will try to linger in order to rekindle the relationship. If you went into the house 50/50 you have two choices, either you buy her out or she buys you out in order to keep the house, or you try to sell it. Since the economy still isn’t doing too good and you just bought the house you might not be able to sell it, or if you do you might have to take the lose and move on. If you don’t want to sell, which I recommend you don’t, and hold on to the house until you can make some money off of it, then you can rent it out where the rent can cover the mortgage and taxes etc, so that neither of you really have to worry about paying for the house. I would definitely put away at least two to three months just in case you can’t rent it out. I know this is a lot to handle on top of breaking up but it’s something you need to think about. Be honest with yourself and your girlfriend and tell her how you feel. It is better to do things now then later down the road…..
Good luck.
Relationships can be difficult. They can include a boyfriend and girlfriend, husband and wife, friendship or even a relationship between you and a family member. No one ever said relationships were easy, so how do we try to fix a relationship we feel is irresolvable? The number one rule to having a healthy relationship is simple but you have to be willing to meet the person half way. Are you ready to hear what it is? Communication! That’s right; it’s something we learn from when we were born. We learn to talk and ask our parents for things that we want; this is the first step into communicating your feelings. After that it should be a breeze, right? Many people do not know how to communicate properly, either they don’t know how to speak to others without being rude, they might be too shy to speak, or they might feel scared to tell the person they love how they really feel.
Have you ever tried telling someone how you feel, only to find yourself speechless? This is normal, many people have felt this way and sometimes not saying anything at all, is worse than actually coming out with how you feel. If you don’t talk about your feelings, it is only going to eat away at you, and eventually it will only lead into an outburst of frustration, which will later lead into a fight. There are all types of ways to communicate your feelings; I have listed the top five ways I found it easier for me to communicate.
Five ways to communicate your feelings:
5. Write a letter or a note. – Don’t email the person or text; this is a little more impersonal. Give the letter to the person face to face so that they can read it in front of you, you can then later discuss what you are feeling, but the letter will at least break the ice with bringing out what you have been feeling inside. Trust me this works (this is actually how I started communicating better; it gave me the courage to really say what I felt on paper.)
4. Choose the right time and place. – Sometimes we are scared the person we are talking to might retaliate and start screaming or acting a little crazy, so choose the right time and place to talk about your feelings. Don’t ever try talking to someone when they are having a bad day, they aren’t in their right state of mind and this may through them off, they might not understand where you are coming from because they are focused on their own problems at the moment. So make sure to choose the right time to talk. Choosing the right place can be essential too, if you want to make sure to keep things quiet, pick a place to talk where they can‘t get too loud with you. This will help keep both emotions inside and talk like two normal people.
3.Think before you speak. – Sometimes we want to talk about how we feel right there in the moment, but this may lead into fighting, because we might just say things we really don’t mean. In the heat of the moment we are all guilty of saying things we don’t really mean, or we do mean them, but it’s just not the right way to say it. Before talking to someone, try going over in your head what you want to say, cool off a bit and then sit down calmly to talk about what you are feeling.
2.Listen to the other person. – Sometimes we are scared to open up when the other person is talking to us. Listen to what that person has to say, if they are talking to you openly and telling you how they feel then push away the fear of talking back, take a deep breath and answer them back. More than likely it was just as hard for them to tell you how they felt, so don’t be scared to return the favor.
1. Stop being scared about what the other person may be thinking and DO YOU. – What do I mean by ‘DO YOU’, well at the end of the day the only person who is going to be there for you, is YOU. Stop being scared to open up and tell the person how you feel. The worse thing that can happen is that it leads into an argument, but so what. We sometimes have to argue in order to figure out a way to fix things. If we never argued in the world, then life would be too boring.
We can change the world with total communication ~Sharon Sullivan
When communicating to someone how you feels starts to stress you out, stop and breath a for a second and remember that communicating is the only way to fix what you are feeling inside.
So lately I’ve been slacking on Soapnights, there really is no excuse but I just have been feeling very overwhelmed with work, school and my new house.
Renovating a new house with my boyfriend has taken much more of our time then ever expected. Although we are absolutely loving it and it’s coming out beautiful, it’s a lot of work, time and money.
Happy New Years By the way…..
This year we took a trip for new years to a small town called Blairsville, Georgia. It’s a beautiful little town, and getting away from life for a while helped me relax a bit before starting the new year.
In life we sometimes get so busy we forget to stop and smell the roses ‘so to speak’. I’ve been so busy lately that with a blink of an eye it’s already 2012! When did life start passing me by? I have so much left to do before I turn 30 and this year is going to be my year.
Let’s start off with what I will accomplish before the end of the year:
Bachelors Degree in Psychology by June
Starting Masters in Journalism
Finish Remodeling my house ~ At least in the inside…
And…. A few things I won’t say because I don’t want to jinx them 😉
That’s not such a long list, now is it?
Ever wonder what you will accomplish before your 30? 40? 50? I really don’t, I live in the moment and I try to focus on what is right in front of me at the moment, but getting older I do start to wonder and think about all the things I should have done by now that I’m still working on. So although this year is going to be busy I am going to make it an effort to write more on my site and if you have any questions or concerns you need advice on, I’m only an email away.
As for today. Happy Friday the 13th!!! Let’s start this weekend out with a SMILE~
