Just another WordPress site

Tag: marriage

  • Advice Column: Wife wants to sleep with another woman

    Advice Column: Wife wants to sleep with another woman. Image found on google.com/images

    Advice Column: Wife wants to sleep with another woman

    Dear Kristin Nicole

    My wife told me that she has been having feelings for a co-worker of hers, at first I was conflicted because I thought she meant a guy but then she told me that it was another woman. I’m still conflicted with this because we have known each other for 10 years and she has never gave off that she likes other women. She told me that this other woman wants to sleep with her and she wouldn’t mind if I watched, but I don’t know what to think about this. Most men would love for their wives to sleep with another woman and be able to watch, but if she ends up wanting to sleep with other woman all the time, what do I do? She says I can’t join them, I can only watch. Do I let her sleep with this other woman or not?
    ~Husband

    (Edited)

    My Response:

    Dear Husband;

    I think you are right, I think most men would be thrilled to watch their wife or girlfriend be with another woman, but I understand your concern in regards to her wanting to do this more than once. Talk to your wife and ask her what has brought this on? Is this just a one time thing to get out of her system, out of curiosity? You need to think about this and you need to really be sure that you will be okay with your wife sleeping with another woman. Perhaps your wife is in the closet and isn’t sure which side of the bed she really wants to sleep on. This is a tough decision and you need to truly be okay with what your wife is asking. Communicate with your wife your concerns and make it clear that if you are okay with this, it can only happen once. Personally, I don’t think a man or woman should want to sleep with any other person and I think this is something she should have gotten out of her system before you got married but the fact that you have known her for so long and she has never done anything like this makes it seem like she is either bored or has always been curious of the same sex. Talk to your wife and make the decision together.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Advice Column: Husband wants to be a swinger

    Advice Column: Husband wants to be a swinger. Image found on google.com/images

    Advice Column: Husband wants to be a swinger

    Dear Kristin Nicole

    My husband asked me the other day if I was willing to go to a swingers club with him. I don’t know what to think of this. We have been married for only 2 years. Is he bored of me already that he wants to sleep with other people? I asked him why he would want to go to a swingers club and he said he just wanted to spice things up for us. I thought we had pretty good sex, so I am not sure what I can do. I don’t feel comfortable sleeping with other people or my husband sleeping with other people but I’m scared that if I don’t go he will cheat on me and leave me. Do I go so that I don’t lose him? Or do I tell him no, and hope he doesn’t leave me.
    ~Swinger

    (Edited)

    My Response:

    Dear Swinger;

    If you want my personal opinion then I would say NO…. I don’t think that in a marriage people should sleep with other people. If you are married, you should be committed and happy to be with just that one person. How long have you known your husband? Has he always been a little freaky or ever indicated that he wanted to be a swinger? If this is something new that he suddenly brought up then you need to really sit down with your husband and tell him how you feel. If he is willing to end your marriage just because you don’t believe swinging is the answer to better sex, then maybe you need to truly think about what kind of man you married. Do you want to be with a man that wants to sleep with other women and that is willing for his wife to sleep with other men? Tell your husband that you are willing to try other things in the bedroom and spice it up in other ways but if you don’t feel comfortable going to a swingers club then you need to speak up. Giving in and going just because your husband wants to might end up badly in the end. You may end up resenting him for making you go. Go with your gut feeling and talk to your husband. If he loves you I am sure he will be okay with whatever decision you make.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    (2011)

  • Advice Column: Sexual Relationship with…

    Advice Column: Sexual Relationship with… – Image found on Google.com/Images

    Advice Column: Sexual Relationship with….

    My husband left me because he said he needed space and time for himself and wants to be free. I pretended to let him go because when we were together I suffocated him by being clingy and needy. We decided to remain ‘Friends with Benefits’ and act like before except we don’t live together anymore. [sic].

    I have two conflicting emotions on this:

    1. I don’t want to lose him completely and I’m happy he is still attracted to me and 2. It kills me that he doesn’t stay over. He said; “at least not yet because we have to get used to our ‘NEW’ set-up,” but it kills me more that I don’t have a husband anymore. He is having fun being free and all, while I cannot stop thinking about what it could’ve been for us. What should I do?

    My Response:

    Dear Friends with Benefits;

    Your husband left because he needed space, yet he still comes back just to have sex. He is having his cake and eating it too (like that the saying goes). You need to stop and communicate with your husband, either he is fully committed to this marriage or he is not, but he can’t keep coming around just to sleep with you and going back to his own place whenever he wants to. Do you know what he is doing when he’s not with you? Have you spoken about your relationship at all since the split? Is he dating other women? These are all questions you should be asking. Don’t let him just use you for sex, even if you enjoy it. If what you want is your husband back and you have realized you were clingy before and he doesn’t like that then you both need to work on your issues but it doesn’t mean that he needs to move out in order to fix things. In a marriage there is no break, there is no get my own place and there is no “Friends with Benefits”. You are MARRIED, you are his WIFE, not his Friend! Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. Get your marriage back on track and stop acting as if you were just dating.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com (2011)

  • Advice Column: My husband’s cheated

    Advice Column: My husband’s cheated. Image found on google.com/images

    Advice Column: My husband’s cheated…

    The Question:

    I’m getting confused about my husband…

    My husband has started being secretive about things, hiding passwords and such. I recently was able to see his Facebook page and my thoughts were true, [sic] he’s on there chatting with other women and giving his number out. When I confronted him with this, he took me off his friends page so I couldn’t even see what he is doing. He cheated once before so the trust isn’t strong between us. Also a young girl that really isn’t my friend told me she has been friends with him and that he is willing to be more than friends. He is asking for her number and has yet to come out and say he is married. I’m getting to the point where I don’t want him around and I have to be almost drunk to have sex with him because its hard to want someone who clearly doesn’t want you. I’m going into a state of depression and I know it wont be good for my kids to see me like this. I have asked him to leave many time but he claims he wont because there is nothing wrong with flirting. What do I do?

    (Edited)

    My Response:

    Dear Open Your Eyes;

    Let’s start with the fact that the trust is already gone because he has already cheated on you once. That should have been the first sign to get out! If your husband took you off his friends list on his Facebook, I would definitely think something is going on. You already saw his Facebook and got proof that he is talking to other women and giving his number out (although there is no proof that he has physically cheated on you, this is still a form of emotional cheating), you also said that another woman told you that he would be more than friends with her and you were never even mentioned as his wife. What more do you want?

    Do you need to actually catch him cheating on you again, to finally realize that this guy is a looser and that he really does not love you? I’m sorry and I don’t mean to be harsh, but you need to wake up and realize that you can do so much better then this guy. You said it yourself “I have to be almost drunk to have sex with him because it’s hard to want someone who clearly doesn’t want you.” You already know what you need to do and although you said he won’t leave even after you asked him, you need to tell him that this ISN’T HIS CHOICE to make.

    He needs to get out of your house, or you will leave somewhere else with the kids. I don’t know if you have family or friends that you can talk to, but if you do you need to see if you can stay with them. Tell him you want his stuff out of the house by a certain date and you will not return until it is done. You have kids with this man, and it is not good to be depressed and for them to see what their father is doing to you. He needs to grow up and commit. He obviously was not ready for that the first time he cheated on you. And like I said earlier that should have been a clear sign to get out! I know it’s easier said than done but you need to get him out of your home and you need to pull your life back together with your kids. Stay strong and remember that no man should ever treat a woman the way your husband has treated you. There is no excuse to cheat or take you off his Facebook or lie to your face about talking to other women. If he’s lying to your face about something you saw with your own eyes this should make you wonder, what else he is lying about. Stay strong and move on with your life. You deserve a real man to love you and be with you. Good luck!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Advice Column: My wife pays for everything

    Advice Column: My wife pays for everything…. Image found on google.com/images

    Advice Column: My wife pays for everything…

    The Question:

    I need help with my wife. Please tell me what to do! My wife pays for everything  but I still think she is selfish…

    My wife says I’m selfish. She makes 90% of our income. With her income alone she paid off the house, 2 of my credit cards and saved for college for our 4 year old. The company she works for gave her a car, but now she wants to buy a new car because she say’s she can only use the work car for work related things. She wants a Lexus and she wants to put down a 70% down payment because my wife doesn’t like to owe money to the banks. I told her that’s selfish, she can get the whole thing financed for the full amount. I told her she shouldn’t put any cash down! She told me you are not smart when it comes to money so please let me handle it. I’m in the Air Force, she got me a high paying job with her company, but I said no and just renewed my contract with the Air Force because my job now is easier than her job. The company she works for has a lot of over time and it is stressful, while my job in the Air Force is not stressful at all and I never got deployed. [sic]. I told her with that amount of cash you are putting down for your car how about you pay for my credit cards, she said you had these credit cards before we got married and I already paid off 2 credit cards for you. She keeps telling me, “you do not want to better yourself, you are lazy and you are not a real man and you count on me to do everything.” She also put a down payment to help me buy a car for my daughter from my first marriage who will be 16 in 2 months who lives with her mom. I just think my wife is being selfish. Well the house and everything is in her name because my credit sucks and my ex wife messed up my credit. Please help! My wife does not listen to what I say. She is 25 I’m 36.

    (Edited)

    My Response:

    Dear Selfish;

    Okay let me get this straight, your wife pays for pretty much everything, she makes more money, she paid off 2 of your credit cards, a house, and a down payment for your daughters car (which she truly has no reason to do)??? Am I getting all this straight? I’m going to be blunt here. You have a job, and I am assuming if you have been in the Air-Force for a while now and you just renewed your contract, that you should be making pretty decent money yourself, so why exactly should she pay off more of your debt? That is not her responsibility, regardless if you are married and have a child together, it wasn’t even her responsibility to pay off the other 2 credit cards of yours to begin with. If she wants to put a down payment on a car it is her money and her choice to make. I understand you are married and being in a marriage you should both consult in each other and make decisions together, however; if you are not contributing and not even putting the down payment for your own daughters car then I would say you have no say in this. Even if the car is new, you never want to finance 100% of a car, that is a waste of money with how high the interest rates are right now. Your wife is only 25, I would trust her judgment if she has been able to buy her own home and pay it off already. I think you need to STOP depending on your wife to get you out of debt and fix your money issues, start paying off your own debt, start depending on yourself and helping out, again you work for the Air-Force, I know a lot of people in the military and I know after being in the military for a long time, you should be financially stable. You don’t pay for insurance and you have a lot of benefits, so get off your ass and start doing something. The only one being selfish right now in this relationship seems to be YOU. If you love your wife, sit down with her and try to work things out, be smart about it and show her that you aren’t lazy and that you can help out with some of the bills as well. Good luck!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com (2011)

  • Advice Column: Should I marry him?

    Advice Column: Should I marry him? Image found on flickr.com
    Advice Column: Should I marry him? Image found on flickr.com

    The Question: Should I marry him?

    I am supposed to get married next year and a few months ago I have been having many doubts about my future with him. He doesn’t like going outside, he spends all his time on the laptop, playing darts or at the gym and I barley get to see him. I feel as though he prefers not spending time with me or our son, and that we have nothing in common. I quit my job and moved 23 miles away from my family and friends for him and I don’t think he understands how much I have actually sacrificed. Is this cold feet? Am I making stuff up or should I really not be with this person? We have good times together but lately I have been feeling very alone. Should I marry him?

    (Edited)

    My Response:

    Dear Confused;

    I think there is cold feet when committing to someone in a marriage, but it usually involves just getting a little scared to spend the rest of your life with someone. It sounds like you are unhappy. You should definitely think about what you want. You don’t want to marry someone if you aren’t in love with them. If you really love him, then you need to talk to him. I’m not sure how old you are, but it sounds like your boyfriend is very immature. If you have a child together, he needs to be more involved. Definitely don’t marry him just because you feel obligated. Marriage is a commitment and you should be 110% sure before you go through with it. If you don’t have an exact date set, then I would wait. Talk to him, and try to work things out if it’s what you really want. But it sounds to me like you may already know what you want, you just don’t want to see it. Good luck.

    xo,

    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Yahoo.com

  • Advice Column: Proposed with old ring

     

    Old ring. Image found on Flickr.com
    Old ring. Image found on Flickr.com

    The Question:

    I told my almost fiancé – boyfriend what engagement ring I wanted and he said he couldn’t afford it, I thought he was joking but yesterday he tried to propose to me with his great grandmother’s engagement ring and I lost my temper and told him that it needed to be a new ring, and “not someone else’s used junk.” I thought he did it just to annoy me so I declined the proposal and ruined the ring, but when I found out who’s ring it was I felt kind of bad, he cried and now I think I hurt his feelings. What can I do? Now his mom said it was a tradition and now I don’t know what to do. I think he wants to break up with me now. He has hurt me by doing this to me. Help.

    (Edited)

    My Response:

    Dear Almost Doesn’t Count;

    I am seriously no longer wondering why guys become a**holes. If a man is telling you he can’t afford something, it is more than likely that he is telling the truth. If you really wanted to marry the guy and you were truly in love with him it wouldn’t matter if he gave you a ring at all. It’s also very romantic that he would want you to use his great grandmother’s ring and in the future you could have always changed the diamond. Of course his feelings are hurt and honestly I wouldn’t blame him if he did break up with you. Would you want to marry someone who turned your proposal down, and not only turned it down but got upset because the ring you were proposing with wasn’t new? It sounds petty and selfish and childish. If you really love him and you want to fix things, then you truly need to think about your actions and truly apologize and mean it when you say it. Good luck.

    xo,

    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Yahoo.com

  • 26 years and no longer in love

    Twenty Six Years. Image found: google.com/images

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I am thinking about leaving my husband of 26 years. I held on hoping he would change, I held on for the kids, but now that our kids are older I just can’t pretend anymore. I don’t know how to tell him. Can you help me?

    ~Twenty Six

    My Response:

    Dear Twenty Six;

    It’s never easy letting someone know you want to move on from the relationship, but it’s even harder after so many years. I think you are making the right decision. You shouldn’t keep pretending to be happy, if you aren’t. Try to sit your husband down and explain to him that you are no longer in love with him. I’m sure if you have not been in love with him for a long time, that this is not going to be a total surprise to him. Either way it is not going to be easy, and he may be hurt. But at the end of the day it’s better for the both of you to move on from something that you aren’t happy with. Good luck

    xo,

    kristin nicole

  • Cheating & Pregnant

    Cheating … image by: google.com/images

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I’m so desperate for help, and I really don’t know what’s the best way to go about all of this. I’ve been married with my husband for more than 12 years and I’m 34 right now. My relationship with my husband was kind of complicated but it’s getting better and more understanding. However, our sexual relationship has been questionable always, and there was a huge gap between us. Anyhow, short story, in some point of our life I felt that I really hated him, but I never had the strength to divorce him, so I continued living with him, and in the meantime I fell in love with someone else who is still with me. It’s been almost more than a year. We love each other so much, my husband loves me so much too, and now we don’t have any problem like before, and I don’t want to leave him because he’s going to be broken, and I don’t want to divorce him. My boyfriend is married too, and has a very bad relationship with his wife, and he has a daughter. He asked me several time to marry him, but I can’t leave my husband.
    Now I’m pregnant with my boyfriend about 3 weeks. I’m sure that it is his baby because I haven’t had any intercourse with my husband for over 2 months. My boyfriend is so excited about the baby and so am I, but I’m so scared about the whole process and I feel guilty that if I decide to keep this baby I have to lie to everyone for my entire life.
    Please help me to clear my mind. I know that I’m guilty in the first place and I shouldn’t cheat on my husband, but I really need your help.
    My boyfriend doesn’t believe in abortion and he says that the baby is part of our love, and I need to think by my heart. I love to have this baby as well, but when I think of consequences I’m getting more convince that I have to have an abortion.
    I can’t lie to everyone. The baby, my husband my family and his family.
    Please help me

    ~Cheating & Pregnant
    (Revised: KN)

    My Response:

    Dear Cheating & Pregnant;

    You already know that what you are doing is wrong, and the fact that your ‘boyfriend’ also has a wife is another issue. I understand that you had a complicated marriage, but when you felt that you weren’t happy, you should have left your husband then. It’s been a year that you have been having this other relationship, and your ‘boyfriend’ is still married as well. You need to make a decision, you cannot keep having this double life, it will eventually tear you apart. I can tell you are already struggling with making a decision on what to do now that you are pregnant with your boyfriends child. Your boyfriend probably won’t leave his wife as much as you do not want to leave your husband. If you truly were in love with your husband you wouldn’t be cheating and lying to him. You cannot try to pass this baby off has your husbands child and I’m sure your boyfriend won’t allow that. You will have to face the music and be honest with your husband. I am not going to try and sugar coat this, it is most likely your husband will leave you once he finds out the truth. The truth always comes out, and it is best to be honest with him now then for him to find out about the baby. If you chose to abort the child, that is completely up to you, however, you are in this situation out of free will. You need to really think about what it is you are going to do. Either choice won’t be easy and in the end someone will get hurt, but living a lie and continuing to cheat on your husband is not healthy.

    Be honest with yourself, and with both men and decide to be with one or the other.

    xo
    kristin nicole

  • Marriage before Sex

    Marriage before Sex

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I knew someone for a short time , but I’m into him as well as he is into me. I like him so much but I’m a very religious person and I asked him if he has had sex before, he said yes, and this is a big issue for me and I don’t like it.

    I respect the fact that he was very honest with me and that he started to get close to my religion in the short time we have known each other, but I’m afraid for the following issues:

    First, he was having sex not making love, by this I mean he was not in a relationship, he just had sex with those girls, without actually loving them. He did it with these girls, girls that will just have sex with any man, and I don’t like this mentality. I can’t accept it easily!

    Second, I’m afraid that I’ve never done it before, so I may not be as good as those girls he slept with before. He might miss these previous relationships after our marriage.

    The third issue, is that my breast are very small, he may not like it and as you know I will not make love to him before we get married. (This is according to my religion). So I’m afraid that he won’t like it.

    What do you think about these issues? I’ll speak to him about it but I need your opinion first .. & .. thank you in advance Kristin
    (Revised by: Kristin Nicole)

    ~ Marriage before Sex

    My Response:

    Dear Marriage before Sex;

    I understand that in your religion you have to wait to be married before having sex, if you are thinking of being with someone that does not have those same beliefs you need to accept their past. Just because he slept with other women before you does not mean that he will think differently of you. You need to be happy with who you are and what you have, don’t worry about having small breast or the fact that you have not had sex. If he is with you then he already finds you attractive. You do need to make sure that he understands your beliefs and that you are not going to have sex with him unless you are married. If he is okay with that and really cares for you then the rest will go from there. You can not judge someone for their actions and their beliefs because they are different than yours, if he is a good man and he treats you right, then you need to leave his past in the past. If you feel that you cannot get over the fact that he has slept with other women then you need to really think about being with him, because you do not want to hold that against him. It is very natural now a days for a man and a woman to have sex and not make love, it doesn’t make it right or wrong but it happens. You have to look past that if you want to have a relationship with him, and he will need to respect you for your beliefs as well. Remember to always love yourself, don’t feel insecure about your body, we are born with what we have for a reason and the person we are with will love us for who we are and how we look.

    xo,
    kristin nicole